To recognize signs of a toxic family relationship, it is essential to understand the signs and how to deal with them. Boundaries are crucial for healthy relationships, and they can be ignored by family members who ignore your boundaries. Invalidation of feelings and the desire to conform to their desires can also be signs of a toxic family.
To deal with a toxic family, start by recognizing the way you feel after interacting with certain family members. If you suspect you are dealing with family toxicity, consider whether you are the family scapegoat and learn practical strategies to cope and set boundaries.
If a family member is a narcissist or substance abuser, it is important to realize that they cannot get better until they decide to be better. Focus on your role in the relationship and set boundaries, both physically and emotionally. It is okay to take a time-out from a family member and ask your child what they need from you to repair the relationship.
When dealing with a toxic family, it is essential to acknowledge your feelings, seek support, set boundaries, focus on self-care, and explore ways to cope when you hate your family. Establishing boundaries, maintaining boundaries, and encouraging inclusivity can help maintain healthy relationships and prevent further damage.
In summary, understanding the signs and symptoms of a toxic family relationship is crucial for improving family ties and preventing long-term effects on well-being. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, setting boundaries, focusing on self-care, and exploring ways to cope, you can work towards improving your family’s well-being.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| What should you do if your family member is mean to … | Don’t leave her alone with them. Talk with your husband and set up some boundaries, both physical and emotional. Tell her what behaviors you … | quora.com |
| My relatives don’t like my kids being around. What should I … | My relatives don’t like my kids: ‘My kids are banned from visiting my relatives house. What should I tell my two daughters?” | mamamia.com.au |
| People who dislike or hate children, how do they typically … | Do people who hate children avoid them altogether? Do they entertain children’s whims (such as questions or requests) or enjoy certain aspects of socializing/ … | reddit.com |
📹 HELP! I HATE MY CHILD (What to do if you dislike your child)
Feeling hatred toward your child is a symptom of a different problem. This is a controversial and taboo topic, but it’s not that …
How Do You Deal With A Hateful Family Member?
To manage toxic family relationships, calmly and assertively communicate your boundaries using "I" statements, such as, "I feel disrespected when you talk to me that way." Avoid accusations that could escalate tensions. Understand that your family is intimately aware of your personal history, making their blunt criticisms particularly hurtful. Instead of attempting to change difficult relatives, accept them as they are. When faced with gossip, refrain from sharing personal details and engage only in superficial conversations.
Establish firm boundaries, leverage external support, and recognize that certain family members may never change. If you need distance from specific relatives, communicate this to another family member if necessary. Recognize the complexity of toxic family dynamics, where bonds make distancing challenging. Common toxic behaviors include manipulation, blame, and lies. Assess your feelings after interactions with these family members, as these can reveal underlying toxic dynamics.
Emphasize that you have no control over their actions, only your responses. Establish your role in these relationships, set clear boundaries, and prioritize your own well-being. Finally, prepare emotionally for interactions, maintain empathy, and limit engagement with toxic family members when needed. Building a solid support system is essential in these circumstances.
Should You Avoid Family Members?
Dealing with toxic family members can be overwhelming, as they often provide harsh criticism that can hurt deeply. While it may be tempting to completely sever ties, finding a way to manage these relationships is essential for your mental health. Look for family members who offer support and unconditional love, prioritizing genuine connections over those that drain you. Recognizing signs of toxicity, such as manipulation, blaming, and persistent negativity, is critical.
It's also vital to acknowledge that family dynamics can complicate the decision to cut ties. Instead of attempting to "fix" a difficult family member, accept them as they are and establish personal boundaries to protect your well-being. Taking time-outs might be necessary to maintain your mental space. Acknowledge that ending contact may be the healthiest option for some, and it doesn't make you a bad person. Logging your feelings before and after interactions with family can help clarify the impact they have on you.
Ultimately, you have the autonomy to decide how much contact feels right and to choose whether or not to maintain family connections. Keep in mind that family can change, and it’s okay to reevaluate these relationships over time as you prioritize your emotional health.
How To Accept You Won'T Have Children?
Celebrate the importance of your relationships with friends, family, and partners, as fostering strong connections can bring fulfillment and belonging. Accepting the reality of being childless is a personal journey, varying from person to person. If you know you won't have kids, it's essential to come to terms with that. At 40, there are still many opportunities ahead, and it's worth considering options like freezing your eggs or discussing your desires for another child with your partner.
Open communication is vital, even if it reveals differing opinions. Reflect on what a child-free life looks like for you, identifying activities and companionship that bring joy. Many women who reach menopause without children find that they are not alone; there's a growing community of those navigating similar paths. Acknowledge your feelings regarding childlessness, as these emotions can significantly impact mental health. It's okay to grieve the life you envisioned.
Instead of focusing on what’s lost, shift your mindset towards discovering new possibilities and finding meaning in other aspects of life. The journey to acceptance can be long, demanding strength and determination, but it can lead to a sense of peace. Embrace your choices and remember that fulfillment can be found beyond parenthood.
How To Deal With Relatives Who Insult You?
Engaging in open discussions about hurtful behavior within the family is essential for emotional well-being. It's important to take a deep breath before confronting a family member, particularly when they are rude or defensive. Using "I-statements" allows you to express your feelings without placing blame. When faced with insults, it is crucial to evaluate the truth behind the remarks, consider their source, and understand the intention behind them.
Remaining calm and assertive is key, as it helps in setting and enforcing boundaries. While no one deserves to be treated poorly, confronting rudeness can lead to healthier family relationships. Good-natured teasing can escalate into bullying, so it's crucial to address any disrespect head-on. Positive responses to insults can build confidence, facilitating constructive interactions. Consulting a family counselor may provide guidance in managing toxic behaviors and promoting better dynamics.
Strategies for dealing with family rudeness include maintaining distance when necessary, being direct, and checking emotions. It is vital to voice hurt feelings without internalizing insults—this encourages healthy dialogue. Lastly, consider employing humor to disarm confrontations, while also knowing when to take these comments seriously to foster better understanding among family members.
Do You Dislike Your Family Members?
Disliking family members often stems from their lack of acceptance and support for your life choices. Toxic family relationships can leave you feeling threatened, and it's important to understand that disliking family members is not uncommon and doesn't reflect poorly on you. Factors such as toxic behaviors, abuse, neglect, or conflict can lead to feelings of animosity. Signs of indifference from family members may manifest through neglect or overt dislike.
As adults, you have the right to choose your relationships, and recognizing your worth is essential. It’s normal to experience conflict with family; however, pervasive negativity can lead one to exclaim, "I hate my family." This feeling can arise from upbringing differences and unresolved anger, which can be emotionally distressing. While families can be challenging, acknowledging feelings of hatred can prompt the need for external support, such as therapy.
It’s crucial to promote an environment of love and kindness, even amidst disagreements. Toxic family members may exhibit jealousy or impulsive behavior, further complicating dynamics. Moreover, confessing feelings of hatred can generate a mix of guilt and anger, making it a complicated emotional process. Despite societal expectations to love family unconditionally, it is reasonable to feel resentment, especially if personal boundaries are violated. Honest communication about feelings is vital, as is ultimately seeking healthier relationships, be they familial or chosen. Understanding that many face similar struggles can provide comfort in navigating these complex feelings.
How Do You Deal With An Angry Family Member?
To manage difficult family relationships, prioritize safety by removing yourself from potentially harmful situations. Begin with a sincere apology if you’ve caused harm, and then listen to the other person's feelings. Reflect on what triggered the conflict without trying to change the difficult person; accept them as they are. Identify toxic behaviors within your family and focus on your own responses to manage stress. Set clear boundaries regarding acceptable behaviors and steer clear of sensitive topics.
Practice empathy by recognizing that their actions reflect their issues, not yours—avoid falling into the guilt trap. Stay calm in confrontations; acknowledge and validate the other person's emotions while using "I" statements to express yourself. Prepare to handle anger by maintaining composure and listening, and consider professional help if needed. Establish and uphold boundaries, and take breaks from interactions when necessary.
Understanding past events can aid empathy, and fostering effective communication while addressing family drama is vital for healthier dynamics. Ultimately, focus on personal growth and thoughtful strategies to navigate challenging family dynamics.
What Are The Psychological Effects Of Not Having Children?
The psychological effects of being childless can vary significantly among individuals. Frequent outcomes include distress, heightened depression and anxiety, reduced self-esteem, and feelings of guilt or blame, alongside somatic complaints and diminished sexual interest. While some individuals experience relief, better job opportunities, and personal happiness without children, others face deep sadness, especially if parenthood was a strong desire.
Not having children can lead to issues stemming from neglect such as poor impulse control, social withdrawal, and emotional regulation problems, as well as low self-esteem and academic challenges. The term "childless" typically refers to those who have not adopted or given birth; "nulliparous" describes individuals without children more technically. Psychologists are examining how early childhood neglect affects emotional and cognitive development.
Women who wished for children often report greater emotional pain than those who opted not to have kids. The societal belief that childbearing equates to happiness can exacerbate feelings of unfulfillment among childless individuals. Additionally, the psychological repercussions of growing up without parental support can lead to unhealthy relationships and anxiety disorders later in life. While child-free adults reflect similar life satisfaction to their counterparts with children, those desiring offspring tend to express more mental health challenges. In essence, the impact of being childless encompasses complex emotional struggles influenced by personal desires and societal perceptions.
How To Know If A Family Member Is Toxic?
Toxic family dynamics, including behaviors like gaslighting, constant criticism, and unnecessary drama, can leave one feeling anxious, drained, and devalued. These signs indicate a detrimental relationship rather than "normal" family conflicts. Familiarity allows family members to leverage personal failures as weapons of critique, causing emotional wounds comparable to physical pain. Toxicity can lead to long-term impacts on mental health. Recognizing and responding to toxic behavior is crucial; signs include boundary violations, drama, and constant negativity.
Coping strategies include establishing boundaries, which, despite being challenging, are necessary for emotional well-being. Awareness of the signs of toxic family members—such as feelings of depression or anxiety around them, conditional affection, a lack of respect for privacy, and harsh punishment—is vital. Additional indicators include manipulation tactics, cruel remarks, generalizations, and ongoing gossip. If a family member's behavior encompasses these toxic traits, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship for one's mental and emotional health.
Seeking to improve or heal from such dynamics involves recognizing toxicity, setting boundaries, and sometimes choosing to distance oneself for personal safeguarding. Overall, understanding and addressing toxic family behaviors is essential for maintaining one’s well-being.
What Does Disrespect Look Like In Children?
Disrespectful behavior in children encompasses physical and verbal abuse, such as swearing, name-calling, and undermining parents either directly or indirectly. When such behaviors occur, parents often feel compelled to demand respect. Disrespect can manifest through backtalk, complaints, arguing, and disregarding rules. While rebellion is a normal stage, crossing into disrespectful territory signals a deeper issue, often reflecting frustration rather than mere defiance. Understanding this distinction is crucial for parents.
Disrespectful actions can impede healthy development and strain relationships, potentially leading to a cycle where disrespectful children evolve into disrespectful adults. Signs of a lack of respect include ignoring household rules or responding with dismissive gestures. Parents are encouraged not to take their child’s behavior personally and to remain calm, recognizing that miscommunication often underlies perceived disrespect.
Effective strategies to curb such behavior involve modeling respect, using positive reinforcement, and seeking professional help if necessary. Parents should address inappropriate behaviors like mocking, physical aggression, and refusal to accept responsibility. Engaging in open dialogue about feelings can reveal underlying frustrations. Ultimately, fostering respect in children is a proactive journey, essential for their growth and emotional regulation. Establishing a foundation of respect helps children navigate their emotions constructively, especially during challenging developmental phases.
How Can I Cope If My Family Doesn'T Care About Me?
If you're feeling neglected by your family, consider talking to an experienced therapist, such as those available through BetterHelp. com. It can be difficult living with family members who display indifference or hostility towards you, manifesting in various ways. Signs of a lack of care may include never receiving contact unless you initiate it, poor communication, neglect of your feelings, abuse, and blatant disregard for your boundaries. Understanding why your family might not show love or support is crucial.
Possible actions include seeking therapy, accepting the situation, creating your own support network, or even cutting contact with negative family members. Many people raised in emotionally neglectful families sense something is wrong but struggle to identify it. Common indicators of familial neglect can leave you feeling undervalued, like a ghost in your own home. If you've noticed these troubling signs—like family members ignoring your presence or failing to communicate—it's important to prioritize your emotional health.
Pay attention to how these interactions affect your mental well-being. Protecting yourself from toxic family dynamics is vital, and recognizing the signs of neglect is the first step toward fostering your self-worth and finding inner strength.
📹 How to deal with a child who hates school
When a child announces that he or she hates school, it’s often because of a problem that has nothing to do with school work.
Thank you so much for this and keeping it real. I’m the mother of a special needs child and daily life can be challenging but a blessing at the same time. Children definitely bring about our triggers and make us wonder whether we’re going about things in the right way. I loved all of your helpful tips in this article. I’ll definitely share with my fellow special needs parent friends. Thank you again for all you do to help parents raise their children more consciously, God bless! 🙂
I’m a mom of 4 and a mental health clinician. I am so thankful that you have put this article out. I love your approach to parenting topics in general. Parents need compassion and non-judgement approaches. Often parenting experts, or other professionals that work with children lack this approach. Also, want to shout out to parents that were brave enough to write these letters!
Ah so the main points I gathered from this are 1) Do not overgeneralize your hatred or disgust towards your children, specify it toward their behavior, phase, or life condition. 2) Develop a personal inventory of all the golden moments your child has 3) coach yourself as if this were someone else’s child. 4) Physical Touch and eye contact Great points!
I couldn’t believe I was even looking up a article with this title, but wow has it been a tough couple of days!! I have a toddler who is potty training–the thing I dreaded since I found out I was pregnant again at 39 and ten years after my last baby. This child is lovely but difficult!! This article helped me realize that I’m not a horrible mother for feeling frustration. I do adore my kid most of the time, but he has been unruly, ruse, aggressive and quite a brat. Sometimes its hard to get through the day and I get so freaking tired. Anyway, this helped me to give myself and him a break and remember to be the example of how we get through the tough patches. I have enough experience to know that time flies quickly and ill get through it. Next month will have its own challenges, but also amazing moments. Sometimes you just need a reminder, thanks!!
I hate my child. Im always tired and i look at him and think that his father spends no sleepless nights to help raise him. I wish I never had this kid and would like to rehome him. Working and caring for a child is too much. Plus, my child is an asshole. I dont think im post partum or anything. I sit and stare at times traumatized by all i have to do repeatedly and I have had to resort to spanking to make him listen. I would rather put him up for adoption than lose my mind and health over this.
Great advice that doesn’t speak to me at all. I am a father with 3 boys-7 year old, 5 year old and 1 year old. The baby has a great disposition and my 5 year old is the sweetest child. By contrast, my 7 year is evil. My wife and I have tried and tried and tried. But ever since he was a baby he was incredibly difficult. His behavior manifests in many negative ways. He is incredibly selfish, he likes to beat up his little brothers, he steals, he has no friends (they don’t want to put up with his behavior), etc. The list goes on and on. He is a very beautiful boy and very loving toward us which is totally confusing. My wife argued with me for years but even now, finally, she admits that he is just wrong. We’ve seen doctors over the years and he was just diagnosed with ADHD. Counseling doesn’t seem to help. And his ADHD only explains part of it. Even though it’s terrible to say, I’m ready to give up on him. I don’t want to be around him. Right now it’s 3:00 am and I can’t sleep because my stomach is churning with feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment. At this point, I feel like the only way for me to stay sane is to distance myself from him and spend my positive energy on my other boys. To do otherwise is causing me to hate the 7 year old more and more. It’s also ruining my health. I really don’t know what else to say or do because the truth is that I hate him.
I found this article because I literally typed out “I hate my children” on the search bar. Thank you for your advise and giving me a mindset change. Coming from a background in caring for other children, I found that tip on “pretending you are carrying for someone else’s child” as something I can implement immediately. Thank you
I’m really feeling bad towards my son at the moment. His behaviour is disgusting and he is only 3. He doesn’t listen!!! the more I tell him to stop doing something, the more he does it. I ask him nicely and it falls on deaf ears. He pushes me to scream and shout and I just don’t want to be around him at the moment, as he puts me in a bad mood really badly. He pushes my buttons and he knows it
I love your positive content about what parenting should ideally look like, that’s why I subscribed to you. But this kind of content here, talking about the taboos, and doing so in a way that makes so much sense and is so helpful… honestly by this point I feel I would trust you with my life 😀 Mad respect!!
My daughters are adults now and the only time I have ever loathed them was when they tell me that they hate their children. And I say…why did you have them? If other people’s children have annoyed you then why did you think it would be different with your own? It’s not the children that have issues, it’s you.
I’ve been a single mother for 7 years and I have had him next to me everyday since I had him.. I have no village no help and I even have to work a job that I can have him with me.. this has slowly driven me insane and I do hate being a mom.. I hate the stupid little conversations and the crying at bedtime and the I’m hungry every second of the day.. I hardly sleep (which I figured would go away by now) he wakes me in the night and I have insomnia so it kills my sleep.. I want to learn to enjoy it again because I used to not mind having him there but it’s like getting worse.. I want to scream.. I am hoping that gaining knowledge will help me learn to love the process again! Thank you so much for speaking on this subject because people seem to say it’s so easy and it’s all positive which is a fat ass lie.. I hope that with time I’ll get better
As soon as she says she has 5 kids I figure she can’t help me. That denotes someone who is altogether capable of raising 5 kids successfully and happily. I was a fantastic mom the first time around. I had an only child who was my greatest joy and delight. Obedient, loving, and fun. Then he was murdered at 18. I was and am desperately shattered. But I loved parenting so much that I took in another child. He is driving me to the point of mental breakdown daily. Loving but hyper off the charts and never quits talking (at the top of his lungs) day or night. Disobeys constantly. I dread every day.
I’m here because I was putting the baby to sleep and asked the 6 year old to help the 2 year old with potty while I did so (which of course is unrealistic but I had no choice because I have no other help). Then the 2 year old jumped on the bed and yelled and woke the baby up of course. He would not go back to sleep. This caused me to explode with anger and yell at my children, feeling robbed of the only long stretch of time when my hands are normally free and I get self care time. They are always making huge messes and they are ALWAYS loud. I get very overstimulated with the constant noise, especially the 6 year old which I suspect is hyperactive. Even now as I’m hiding in a room and typing away desperately with the door blockaded they are banging at the door. I feel trapped in a hell, but I know it’s all temporary. I’m just burnt out. And the 2 year old just knocked the blockade down, and ran up to me with a vacuum cleaner toy saying “I GOTCHU” bashing my toenail in with the damn thing. And my 6 year old, who I BEG all the time to recognize when I’m getting overstimulated and respect my boundaries when I need space has brought the baby OUT of the play room into the hall right next to me and is loudly coaxing him to crawl down the hall. I told her for the 100th time she is now allowed to pick him up and that I need alone time and now she is sobbing and saying I’m so mean, rude, etc. I just want to escape. I’m tired of being a village of one. But I love them and it will all pass.
I feel so bad because sometimes when I don’t get a break I just stare at my child with a blank face and I feel like that’s not good for their mental health. Also when me and her dad argue and she chooses her dad because I look like I’m angry all the time or raging but it’s because I’m so overstimulated that I just explode. Even though it is my responsibility to handle my big emotions it’s just like between the stress of life and then your child choosing the other parent it feels like so sad. My child is only two. Sometimes when she just wants connection and she’s jumping on me and jumping on me and throwing things at me screaming or yelling for me or something it’s like hard not to give your child a 😐 look.
So glad I found your website! I became a first time mom at 45. My daughter is going on 2 in December and lol, I’m feeling so lost. I just finished perusal your article on anger. Just these two articles alone have addressed so many of my “shameful” thoughts and feelings and now I feel I have tools to manage and fix my issues. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I’m looking forward to viewing your other content. Please keep them coming. 🙏
I have 3 kids small, one is autistic. When I first heard when I was pregnant I cried my eyes out. I was not happy as their father traped me and did without my consent and did not leave me nor he would let me leave. Cutting tubes was denied because I was too young. Evebtually I left their father, but I hate this life as mom, I hate my own kids and I hate that I can’t have my best life. I tried to rebuild it, to change it but it would shatter because they were sick, because of them. I have to keep a contact with their father. I lost a chance to meet a man of my dreams, marry and have children from a man I loved or maybe I would not have. I hate that my life has to be around them. Their father wanted them more than me but he is not capable of taking care of them. Where is that heard? I reject my own children. I don’t have pictures of me being with a bump. I just feel shame and guilt, regret. I don’t know how to fix that but I hate my life that includes these kids.
I am just perusal this, and it is Thanksgiving Day. Blended family and 2 of my kids are 20 and 22. They are constantly getting mad at each other, say ugly things to each other and having disagreements on what family members they will join for Thanksgiving. Since they got older I have never pressured them or tried to force them to go to step dads family holiday gatherings, I just want everyone happy and at peace. I do not get my feelings hurt, however, when I feel the tension, I also take it in and it puts me in a dark place. I don’t know why I can’t get a grip on myself and navigate through these times more gracefully. And my 22 yr old has my angel granddaughter, single mom, and I also have a 15 yr old along with my older 2 and granddaughter that all live with me. And it’s not a big home. I long for peace and humbleness .
I feel for the parents going through this. Ive known a few single mothers with men that have abandoned their kids and it just isnt fair to the mother or child. And the mom is sometimes extremely stressed and vice versa with a single father. This is why i choose not to have kids. I know im just not meant to be a parent and i wouldnt wanna blame a child for my actions. I suffer from anxiety and depression and i just know that it would be too much. So ill just be careful and not have any. God bless anyone going through what this lady mentioned. Remember to keep strong. Maybe try and get some therapy (if possible). God bless ❤
Whoa…I have adopted a sibling group of 5 all under 6. My 4 year old that I’ve had since he was 6months is extremely difficult. He is active but significantly cognitively disabled. I know it’s not his fault but I can’t stand him! I’ve been trying to find a article or anything to help me with this. We have been through two years of trauma therapy and it still hasn’t helped me with bonding with him or how to mentally figure out how to make things work with how I feel with him. I choose to love him but I don’t like him at all and my body is constantly tense when he is around. I hate feeling this way.
I’m sorry but I have felt like this since our second child was born, a daughter. I feel nothing good towards her since the day I honestly knew I was having a girl. She is very difficult to deal with. My husband coddles her and gives her everything she wants but let’s her run all over me. She’s 4 years old now. I feel as if my life is ruined since she was born. I didn’t feel like this with my first even though he ended up having some developmental delays. Their personalities are day and night. I have felt this horrible way towards our daughter for years. There’s no bond that I feel. I’m not sure what to do. I just force myself to be responsible and just pretty much stay on auto pilot just to get by from day to day.
I have a 2 year old and I’m taking care of him my self all my stuff always gets fucked up from the kid can’t even get a brake I wish I never had a kid to be honest but I know the system would definitely not be good for him. I know because I’ve been in the system before and it’s a horrible place to be in so that’s the only reason why I didn’t put them in any foster care or anything but I feel like I could never do anything for myself
My 6y/o child only wants to fight me and try to argue when I try to be in a good mood he come and denies me of any joy. I think the problem is the fact that my bm left me and ran away when he was a toddler had him calling another man dad then she got into a cps case so I was able to get my son back and I’ve had him since 2020 all by myself. I have no breaks no one wants to help me with him at all I have no social life he gets me fired because I always have to come get him from school or daycare I just don’t know what to do
i hope people who think they “have” to have children and that the “nuclear family” is the only way to exist see this article. A child isn’t a toy, they’re not a “mini you”, they are their own person, with their own needs, wants, personalities, disabilities…if u can’t love and care for them through all that and understand you will be sacrificing a lot of emotional, physical and financial load with little to no support because of the systems we live under, please for your own well being don’t have a kid yet.
Thank you I really appreciate this article. I have a teenager a 15-year-old girl who has challenged me since she turned 12… it was almost as if somebody stole my girl replaced her with this whole different person almost like I didn’t recognize this girl she had a whole different attitude and it wasn’t pleasant. Anyways I’ve been through a lot with her.. drama with friends, School social media… fighting at school.. boys. Ugh I subscribe to your website but I see that it’s geared more towards babies and toddlers do you see yourself doing any more articles on teenagers and parenting teenagers?? We need your help!! 😔
I do not like my son. He does nothing that makes me happy or proud and in no way brings me joy. I get super anxious when he is around. I understand i decided to have a kid etc, but i didnt decide what his personality would be. Him and my daughter have been raised the same in the same household and I love who she is as a person. I wish i liked him, but i dont.
It’s hard not to be judgemental when your 46 year old child to too self centered to recognize any needs I have. I have never asked anything of her and i help her every time she needs something but its a one way street. She will never have to take care of me and she knows that but if I get really ill (very seldom) I don’t hear from her and I better not mention it or i get the third degree and excuses for why she did not even text me. It is what it is an i except it…Relationships are a two way street….
I have three kids and I really hate one of them. It’s since ever. He was a horrible baby. Always crying, always demanding. He grew up into this ungrateful autistic boy and it’s a struggle every single day. I sometimes fear he is psychopath. I am horrible mother to him because he always brings up the worst in me. Every single day. Thankfully I have two other kids that I know it’s not just me. It’s him a lot too. And I don’t care he is a kid. I really hate him. I’ve never told him but this disgust is very real and very present. I do regret I have him and I grieve the son I could has have and instead we have him… I know how horrible this sounds but this is reality that is living within me.
I never had regretful feelings until both my children hit age 11. My son was dreadful at 11 but is now 16 and omg, he is absolutely fantastic. My daughter is nearly 12 and she is just terrible. She has such jealousy issues towards her older brother for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Both raised by the same parents (we are separated) same genes, same time and money spent on both but very different humans.
Well, checking the comments here, I felt this place was safe 4 me to share a bit of my story. I’m a very perfectionist person. I speak many languages and I did all that I could to become what I thought meant being a great parent. Like learning how to cook. I’m a great cook nowadays, I even paused for a while my own career to be present 4 my two children. But my oldest kid is not the smartest kid. They’re creative and sweet sometimes, but they’re struggling in school. And they doesn’t really like doing homework, specially math. Because of their difficulties, and because I work in the educational field, I try to prepare diff types of exercises, and I don’t seem to be helping them the way I think I can. It’s so frustrating, I feel disappointed and a horrible mother. To make it worse, I have a youngest kid that’s so smart and I can’t stop comparing them in my head. I do believe I’m ready to help them and I have the tools to do so, but I guess I’m starting to show my disappointment. I’m tired and a bit fed up. This article is soooo good, thank you for it. Yesterday my kid told me they needed more hugs and kisses and cuddlings and all of that. They said its missing because I’m concentrated only in how good they are supposed to be. So I guess they’re not that dumb. Maybe they will struggle with some specific knowledge, but they are sensitive and smart enough to be able to express themselves and let me know what they need as kids. I still have to work on my own expectations towards my children, but I guess I am doing a good job, I just need to be more loving because it means the world to them!
I don’t hate kids. I’m in my mid twenties. But i don’t like some specific kids. The way they look. It kinds of frustrates me. I don’t know why. I want to change that habit of mine. I don’t show that I don’t like them. But it’s just that seeing there article some time irritates me. But i like other kids it’s just specific of them
It’s not normal to hate your child. It’s also not morally acceptable. There’s a huge difference between a mother who gets angry with her kids and a mother who hates her kids. The latter is definitely not normal and please stop normalising this. Please! Could you imagine how such hate will affect the child’s mental development? how insecure and needy and mentally ill they will be as grown up people??? People need to know what does it mean to be a parent. It’s not a game!! It’s a long life commitment. If you are not 10000% sure that you want kids, please don’t have them. The world doesn’t need more people who suffer.
Sadly I’m not getting anything useful out of this. I am not a natural mother. In fact, I became a mother through legal guardianship in a rather sudden fashion due to family obligation. Its been almost a year and I still have feelings of hate and regret for ever taking on this kid when me and my husband were planning on living totally child-free lives. This child isn’t even family. I took him on because my parents have issues burning bridges between people that are toxic in their lives. I’ve had at least 3 ex friends and 1 ex fiance that i’ve burned my bridges with but for some reason they’ve kept them around for whatever reason if that makes sense. So they were going to take this kid but they’re in no physical condition to handle small children as they’re both elderly. What now? He doesn’t have any actual family that he can go to. Add the autism and the mental delay caused by bio mom doing drugs while she was pregnant…..its almost unbearable. I need out.
Thank goodness it’s normal because I feel like this everyday. Every single day. I even feel like hitting him just so he can go away. I’m so tired of him and just aggravated. I look at him with just disgust all the time. I always get compliments about how cute he is and I just cringe my teeth and clinch my jaw. I have an absolute hate for my child. I even leave him with his grandmother on purpose because I can’t stand being near him. I hate feeding him so I don’t feed him. I hate giving him his bottle so I don’t. I hate changing his diaper so I don’t! This article was helpful and I’ll keep this advice in mind.
The love I have for my girlfriend is THE ONLY thing keeping me in this relationship I am in. I detest my step kids so much. I do a lot around the house, clean, provide, play games, help with homework but what’s the point? They don’t fucking care. I hate them. I’m wishing the next 10 years of my life away so that I can just say no and go on with my girlfriend. I know they come as a package but that doesn’t mean I have to like those brats.
I believe a lot of men and women shouldn’t be having sex. Growing up, the culture seemed to be about taking care of “sexual desires” than tending to one’s heart. The heart we have is the one we pass on to our children. If you haven’t taken care of the sin within you, the sin becomes generational. We inherit good and bad from our ancestors/parents. And some more sin than others. It’s our duty to strengthen our spirit that resists sin so that when we look at our child we won’t see the same sin that lives in our flesh. Sex is an act of creation. It comes with incredible responsibility. Do not be pressured or fooled by modern society to think it should be pursued for hedonistic desires. It’s your children who pay for your sin.
This is normal. Children can be very annoying and demanding. Good children must obey and respect their parents. If they don’t obey me or respect me, then I punish them. I give them a warning, and if they continue to disobey, I give them a smack on their bottoms. I raise my children according to Islam. And according to our religion paradise or heaven is under the mother’s feet. Because mothers make a lot of sacrifaces for the children. And a good child will obey his/ her parents at all times. Not obeying or disrespecting the parents is punished with a warning and if they continue, a smack..so that the children will understand who’s boss.
thekr children. if you can out right say “i hate my kids” you should not be a parent. their children, if they dont know better its YOUR fault that they dont know thats not good. some of yall really should not be parents its absurd. when preparing to have a child you should KNOW that that is how chilren are, their annoying, gross, and loud, but thats not something that can be helped. they dont know better nor can they help it. if you genuinely think you hate your child you should not be a parent and grow up before you consider taking care of a child.
It’s funny how these “parents” are only thinking me me me, I’m so miserable! Me, can’t hang around friends! Me and many more. This a child and this is their developmental stage and instead of love they are getting distance if not love have some empathy on these kids. You’re so sad about your life being miserable yet doing the same to a vulnerability child c’mon