Positive parenting is a method that emphasizes mutual respect, understanding, and guidance, focusing on teaching valuable life skills while fostering a strong relationship between parents and employers. It is based on Adlerian Psychology and can be used by parents, teachers, couples, business, and community leaders to create responsible, respectful, and resilient children. However, it is important to recognize that positive discipline does not create well-rounded, confident, and resilient kids.
Some common issues with positive parenting include inconsistent parenting, mixed messages, failure to see how personality informs parenting decisions, and spending too much time on the internet. Parents may not be clear with limits, underestimate the power of connection, take behaviors personally, or have skewered expectations. Instead, they should provide positive parenting and unconditional love while also providing limits, boundaries, structure, and consequences.
When faced with doubts about the effectiveness of positive parenting, it is crucial to familiarize oneself with their child’s developmental and emotional needs at each age and stage. By keeping appropriate expectations and remaining calm and confident in limit setting, parents can maintain a healthy relationship with their child and maintain a sense of responsibility.
In conclusion, positive parenting is a set of beliefs and tools that can help parents navigate their child’s development and foster a strong relationship between parents and children. However, it is essential to recognize that it takes practice, consistency, and effort to become successful in this process. By understanding and addressing these issues, parents can continue to provide positive parenting and develop their child’s sense of significance and responsibility.
Article | Description | Site |
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Positive discipline is a joke : r/TeachersInTransition | Positive discipline does not create well-rounded, confident, resilient kids. Honestly, it kind of reminds me of the old kids show Barney — this … | reddit.com |
Is Something Tougher than Positive Discipline Needed? | Kindness and firmness are essential to helping children develop their sense of significance through feeling capable and developing responsibility. | positivediscipline.com |
When Positive Parenting Doesn’t Work: 5 Missteps to Avoid | If children experience different parenting strategies or techniques from the adults in the home, they will figure out a way to undermine the disconnected front. | positiveparentingsolutions.com |
📹 Why Punishment Based Discipline Doesn’t Work (Do This Instead)
Punishment (whether it’s taking away privileges, yelling, cancelling activities, or many other examples) is a really common tool …
Why Discipline Doesn T Work?
Punishment generates negative behaviors in children by shifting their focus towards avoiding penalties rather than fostering moral decision-making rooted in respect and love. This approach, which includes methods like physical punishment or revoking privileges, often leads children to develop skills in evasion rather than understanding appropriate behaviors. Discipline, on the other hand, should involve teaching children the accepted social norms and guiding them towards ethical growth.
Despite the apparent effectiveness of punishment, it fails to cultivate a child's moral conscience or accountability. Traditional school disciplinary actions, such as detention or sending children to the principal's office, hardly yield positive long-term outcomes. Instead, they often lead to increased resentment and aggression among students.
A common misconception is that Conscious Discipline lacks consequences, but it emphasizes effective responses towards behavior. Punishment can create ostensibly obedient children who may internalize feelings of inadequacy rather than understanding the reason behind their actions. As children seek merely to evade punishment, they miss the opportunity to learn suitable emotional expression and behavioral choices.
It's essential to nurture a compassionate approach that guides children to internalize proper conduct, rather than merely conforming to avoid punitive measures. By understanding these dynamics, parents can adopt more effective and constructive discipline strategies that truly support their children's development.
What Does Positive Discipline Teach A Child?
Positive Discipline is an approach to parenting that fosters an internal locus of control in children, encouraging them to behave because they value feeling capable, connected, and contributing to society. This compassionate method teaches parents and caregivers to reinforce positive behaviors and diminish negative ones without resorting to physical or verbal harm. It emphasizes mutual respect, understanding, and guidance, contrasting sharply with traditional punitive measures that rely on fear and authority.
Developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen in the 1980s, and influenced by psychologists Adler and Dreikurs, Positive Discipline aims to raise responsible, respectful children. Central to this practice are five key principles: kindness, firmness, guidance, clear expectations, and respect. The method focuses on teaching children social and life skills through positive reinforcement, modeling desired behavior, and establishing a strong parent-child connection. Successful implementation involves being calm during interactions, setting age-appropriate boundaries, and promoting self-control and responsibility.
Ultimately, Positive Discipline nurtures children's ability to make thoughtful choices about their actions and interactions, thus fostering a transformative and respectful environment for development and learning.
Should A Child Be Disciplined?
Positive discipline emphasizes understanding a child's aggressive behavior, particularly when a new sibling arrives. Instead of punitive measures like time-outs, adults should recognize the emotional challenges the child faces as their attention shifts to the baby. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advocates for positive discipline strategies that effectively teach children to manage their behavior, enhancing healthy development. This involves using consistent and age-appropriate methods, like setting clear limits and encouraging good behavior rather than resorting to harmful techniques such as spanking or shouting.
Discipline should begin as soon as a child starts crawling, promoting an understanding of behavior and social norms. It is crucial for children to respect parental authority while also learning to regulate their actions. In this framework, discipline is focused on guidance and nurturing rather than punishment, fostering self-control and responsibility. Families should implement appropriate disciplinary strategies that adapt as the child grows, ensuring that rules are consistently communicated and enforced.
Each child is unique, requiring tailored approaches that address developmental stages and challenges. Overall, effective discipline builds a foundation for positive mental and physical health, contributing to a happy childhood.
On Which Principle Does The Positive Discipline Work?
Positive Discipline is a parenting and classroom management approach rooted in the principles of psychologists Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. Developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen in the early 1980s, this model emphasizes the importance of teaching discipline as a way to foster mutual respect and long-term effectiveness. It promotes kindness combined with firmness, encouraging parents and educators to treat children with respect while avoiding punitive or permissive approaches.
The model aims to cultivate responsible, respectful, and resourceful individuals by imparting vital social and life skills through a compassionate framework. Essential to Positive Discipline is the recognition of children's feelings and perspectives, fostering an environment that promotes healthy communication. The five key principles include balancing kindness and firmness, emphasizing belonging and significance, and employing long-term effective tools.
This method invites children to learn from their mistakes without feeling shame, highlighting the importance of respect, cooperation, and problem-solving. Ultimately, Positive Discipline aims to create a harmonious atmosphere that enhances cooperation, enjoyment, and love among children and adults, solidifying the idea that "children do better when they feel better."
Why Does My Child Not Care About Consequences?
Kids, like adults, resist control due to human nature. When consequences feel solely in the parents' hands, children often prioritize regaining power over the situation. Giving consequences during heated arguments is generally ineffective, as parents might be too harsh or lenient. A more effective approach includes creating a "responsibility chart" that outlines rules, chores, and consequences for non-compliance. If a child seems indifferent to consequences, it’s crucial for parents to reflect on the potential messages being transmitted.
Understanding the difference between punishments and consequences is vital; consequences naturally follow a child's actions. For headstrong children, it’s essential to set clear and specific consequences and to engage in calm discussions when addressing behavior. If consequences don’t seem to influence your child, consider shifting focus from threats to learning tools. It’s important to remember that children might care about parental perceptions of their behavior, even if they outwardly appear indifferent.
Practical issues like poor diet, insufficient sleep, or bullying can also contribute to challenging behaviors. As a parent, consider abandoning rigid consequences for solutions, as some children may respond better to dialogue and reflection instead of feeling worse after a misstep. Ultimately, nurturing a child's capacity for self-reflection and motivation is essential.
What Are The 4 Stages Of Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline outlines four key principles for effective parenting: 1) setting goals, 2) fostering a positive home environment, 3) understanding children's thoughts and emotions, and 4) solving problems in challenging situations. The discipline strategies should align with children's developmental stages. Parents are encouraged to supervise their children closely, address difficult behaviors firmly, redirect their attention, and consistently explain rules.
Positive discipline aims to provide warmth and structure, catering to children's developmental needs and teaching essential life skills. Although research on the Positive Discipline program is ongoing, similar methods have shown effectiveness. The progressive discipline process includes steps ranging from verbal and written warnings to more severe actions like suspension or termination in employment contexts.
Positive discipline emphasizes understanding the reasons behind misbehavior rather than solely focusing on changing behaviors, fostering effective communication, and building a supportive relationship between parents and children. Resources are available for educators to implement these strategies, promoting mutual respect, belief identification behind behaviors, and problem-solving skills in a structured manner.
What Is The Disadvantage Of Positive Discipline?
Positive discipline has its drawbacks, primarily requiring more time than progressive discipline, as it involves complex behavior modeling and policy implementation that some may oppose. While intended as supportive, positive discipline is not universally applicable and may not suit every situation, particularly severe infractions. Critics argue it can sometimes lead to leniency, hindering individual creativity and responsibility. Nonetheless, the approach promotes more effective communication, improved behavior, and academic performance among children and employees compared to traditional discipline methods.
Benefits include fostering meaningful connections and lasting positive changes, guiding individuals toward responsible behavior through learning rather than punishment. A common mistake in applying positive discipline is the imbalance of being too kind without establishing firmness; a combination of both is essential for success. Although it can effectively manage misbehavior, some experts note that it may inadvertently shield children from necessary negative emotions, complicating their emotional development.
Positive punishment, when overly utilized, can cause adverse mental health effects. Ultimately, while promoting positive behavior, it's essential to navigate the challenges and implications of positive discipline carefully, ensuring it's applied appropriately to be truly effective.
What Is The Positive Discipline Model?
The Positive Discipline model, developed by Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott, is based on Adlerian Psychology and applies to both children and adults, fostering a sense of connection, belonging, mutual respect, and encouragement. This approach is utilized by parents, teachers, couples, and leaders across various communities to establish responsible relationships. Positive Discipline encourages adults to balance kindness with firmness and eliminates punishment and rewards, focusing on meeting children's needs for belonging and significance.
It teaches essential social and life skills in a respectful manner, emphasizing that behaviors can be categorized as good or bad, rather than labeling children themselves. The model has been implemented in homes, schools, and organizations worldwide, promoting healthy communication and constructive self-expression among children. Dr. Nelsen outlines five principles of Positive Discipline, which include treating children with respect and understanding their feelings.
This discipline approach advocates for long-term solutions aimed at developing self-discipline, rather than resorting to permissive parenting or punishment. The Positive Discipline methods aim to cultivate mutually respectful relationships and empower individuals to guide behavior effectively, making it a valuable tool for educators and parents alike in nurturing positive behaviors and social skills.
What Is Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline, established by Jane Nelsen, a respected psychologist and educator, serves as a comprehensive guide for parents and educators over the last twenty-five years. This revised edition emphasizes that discipline should be rooted in mutual respect rather than punishment. It introduces a philosophy based on Adlerian Psychology, asserting that no child is inherently bad; instead, behaviors can be categorized as good or bad. By fostering a supportive environment, Positive Discipline teaches children to be responsible, respectful, and resourceful without damaging their self-esteem.
The method is versatile and applicable in various contexts, including parenting, teaching, and community leadership. Positive Discipline focuses on nurturing essential social and life skills, encouraging cooperation, problem-solving, and empathy. It is characterized by a dual approach that combines kindness with firmness, ensuring that children feel a sense of belonging and significance. Overall, the model operates on the principle that effective discipline guides children's behavior while instilling values that promote conscientiousness and respect for others, ultimately cultivating their ability to contribute positively to their communities.
Are You Misusing The Term Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline has become a misunderstood term, especially with the rise of the Internet. Originally articulated in a book by Dr. Jane Nelsen, it is rooted in the philosophies of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. The core tenets advocate not for punishment, praise, or rewards, but for respectful and constructive interactions between children and adults. The premise asserts that children are inherently good and that misbehavior stems from misguided beliefs about belonging.
Parents employing Positive Discipline approach their children's behavior with calmness and clarity, focusing on appropriate behavior rather than harsh punishment. This approach encourages the development of conscience through love and appropriate boundaries, viewing discipline as guidance rather than retribution. The ultimate aim is fostering self-discipline and an internal sense of responsibility.
Positive Discipline emphasizes solutions based on mutual respect, kindness, and encouragement, insisting on specific criteria to ensure that discipline remains firm yet compassionate. It is essential to distinguish between discipline as a tool for fostering positive behaviors and the traditional notion of discipline conflated with punishment. Moreover, in schools and homes, communication regarding behavioral expectations and respective consequences is vital to achieving the goals of Positive Discipline. Misinformation surrounding this concept dilutes its effectiveness and the positive impact it can have on children’s development and behavior.
What Are The Challenges Of Positive Discipline?
The provided resources at the end are aimed at enhancing your knowledge of positive parenting and its implementation within your family. Positive discipline, a technique emphasizing teaching and guiding rather than punishing, has its challenges. Practitioners often struggle with immediate results, lack of support, major life events, and external pressures from media and peers. Despite these hurdles, effective discipline strategies can foster positive behavior change, with an emphasis on understanding child development and implementing problem-solving techniques.
A systematic literature review highlighted the benefits of positive discipline, noting reductions in disciplinary referrals and school failure rates. It is crucial for educators and parents to manage issues like bullying and classroom disruptions, which can endanger student safety. Positive discipline is characterized by kindness, trust, connection, and resilience-building in children, countering criticisms that it may enable poor behavior due to its non-punitive nature.
Transitioning from traditional approaches requires balancing firmness with warmth. Overcoming these challenges can lead to healthier relationships and better emotional understanding for both parents and children.
Why Does Discipline Fail?
Disciplinary issues in schools, such as disrespect, defiance, bullying, and aggression, have amplified during the pandemic, reflecting a broader, persistent rise in student misbehavior linked to dysfunctional home environments and peer pressure. Traditional discipline methods have proven ineffective, prompting lawmakers to seek solutions. Clinical Psychologist Deeksha Athwani emphasizes the importance of discipline in achieving success, noting that many individuals struggle with maintaining self-discipline due to impulsivity and habits.
Schools often resort to grading and behavior policies that fail to address root causes, perpetuating negative behavior patterns. Self-discipline is crucial for productivity and personal fulfillment but can be hindered by instant gratification, fear of failure, and energy deficits. The struggle to maintain routines and focus stems from recognizing self-discipline as a skill rather than mere willpower. Incremental changes, rather than drastic overhauls, create longer-lasting results.
Effective discipline involves understanding oneself and making manageable adjustments. Challenges such as fatigue or anxiety can further erode discipline, highlighting the need for strategies that promote resilience and sustainable behavior change. In essence, self-discipline isn’t about meeting societal expectations but about recognizing personal goals and progressively working towards them despite obstacles.
📹 How to calm an angry preschooler with Positive Discipline – real life example
Why is my 4 year old so angry and aggressive? How can I help my 4-year-old with their anger? How do I stop aggression in …
I strive to think up of a natural consequence that my kids care about most of the time. However, the older one sometimes doesn’t care about the natural consequence anymore and can connect their behavior to the later punishment. For that situation, a punishment (e.g. no tv time for today) makes sense in my mind.
Hi Emma, thank you so much for all the care you put into helping us raise healthy children. You’re one of seemingly few people online who really seem trustworthy and trained and my family has benefited so much from your content. I was wondering if you could do a article on phones and screen usage and how to start off with a healthy balance for a child while they’re still a baby in particular. I’m already making efforts to lessen screen usage in the home but of course my baby is naturally interested in the object that is in my hands every day. Our generation needs professional advice on this! Would be so appreciated. Truly, thank you for your work! ❤ Any other parents have any advice? Comments?
I guess the title to me is super confusing. Consequences are punishment. Toddlers definitely need to be punished by having cars taken away if throwing them or removed from the park in a time out if pushing other kids down. What would be a really helpful topic as a article or course would be a list of common toddler behaviors and the natural/connected consequences you use or suggest to use (hitting/bitting/kicking/yelling/grabbing others toys/stealing others toys/being loud when others are trying to talk/etc)
I almost didn’t watch this at all because I didn’t know you were talking about toddlers. Of course we don’t punish toddlers! It’s older kids who do know better that ought to receive punishment for intentionally breaking family rules (but don’t punish them just for being weak or making a mistake, just have/help them fix the problem).
How would you suggest handling: A well thought out manipulator? A 3 yro who hits or bites parents when they don’t get their way bc they KNOW it hurts… its intentional. ?? Same child w/a professional caregiver who understands addressing behavior immediately: They are told a rule– break said rule– & kindly call you to witness it– bc they WANT to test your “rule integrity” & see your response. Reminder & options are made clear. It’s a 70/30 split on whether they self correct or have to be assisted. Clearly intelligent.
Punishment is payment for something that the child did wrong. The child behaved badly so now they have to ‘suffer’. That’s not teaching. That’s condemning. Parents should simply respond to their child’s behaviour in a logical manner. The consequence doesn’t need to be something bad. It simply must be a logical and natural follow-up. If an adult were to accidentally spill water on the floor, they would clean it up. Is cleaning up a self-imposed punishment for the adult or simply the most logical follow-up action? That’s how we should treat children. We should simply encourage them to do the right thing after a mistake. The child doesn’t need to be scolded or shamed. It just needs to learn the logical outcome of his or her actions.
My toddler threw the food, and I shown her article of Africa hungry kid and explained why throwing food is not only disrespectful to the god but also ethically wrong. Later my toddler started offering food to hungry kids in article… I think conversation first, and if that don’t work, followed by immediate consequences as you explained might be a good approach…learning journey continues..
Like on almost everything about kids, some might be a little different to others. No punishment is definitely the way to go. Making them understand through communication works: I believe by experience that even younger babies understand links and connections between events. They remember! They’re learning ALL the time 😊
Ty Emma. How do you recommend dealing with the following situations 1) A toddler that troubles her elder sister all the time (e.g. pulling hair, taking away her crayons or pencil or whatever the elder one is doing)? 2) A toddler gets distracted from whatever she’s doing leading to everything taking 10x the time Thank you 🙂
Corrections have to happen very soon or it’s useless. My parents never withheld food as punishment UNLESS we got into a sibling squabble during the meal. That earned an immediate dismissal from the table and we went hungry until the next meal (or went outside and scrounged from the garden). Next meal had no lectures about how they hoped we had learned a lesson and were getting another chance … just a clean slate and another meal without comment. ALL participants in a squabble were banished – no blaming, no attempt to assign blame for who started it. Mom said we could be fighting like fishwives coming into the house, and dead silence erupted when we entered the dining room. Dinner might be full of glares and meaningful looks, but it was calm.
Love this article! It’s so important to be aware that children take time to understand……..time itself! I experienced first hand the utter futility of trying to discipline my child too long after inciting incidents! While I respectfully disagree about with your conclusion about physical punishments, I’d agree that it’s far more effective to use a relevant punishment when possible.
Do you have any tips on how to support/encourage an 8 month old baby that’s started pulling herself up to stand but doesn’t have the coordination to fall safely yet, please? She started pulling herself up 2 days ago and today she started only holding on with one hand and looking around, but she can’t really sit unaided yet. She’s very wobbly but determined to get up 😂
What would be a natural consequence for refusing to walk home while I’m carrying a younger sibling. I can’t pick her up (this would be what she wants anyway). I can walk away a little or ignore her. Both of which slow us down to the point of taking 5minuts to walk 10m. I know she’s not too tired as she will run to her Dad once in the house. How do I stop losing my calm over this? 😢
Hi dear Emma, Thank you so much for these helpful articles. I had been perusal and raising up my kid and he is finally 2.5 years old. I am from Pakistan but living in Germany with my family. I want to teach my son my mother tongue ‘Urdu’, also English and German. Until now he is speaking very good Urdu and can make sentences now in German too, which he learns from Kindergarten. But English is still not a favorite language for him, as me and my husband converse in Urdu and also on Skype while talking to our family in Pakistan. My question is: At what age I should teach English to my son? Would it be a burden for him to learn 3 languages at a time? What do you suggest for immigrants? Could you please make a article to guide about these language issues? Thanking in advance!
Im in trouble usually at night. She keeps on crying until she gets what see wants. My household doesnt understand my way of letting her cry to bring out all her frustration to end. Instead they will rush and get her. Ask if she wants to watch or go out. Its in the wee hours of night. What she wants usually is to give her a pat until she falls asleep and sing. During this time, i dont have enough strength to even get up and lean to her crib/bed. This gets me upset and angry and frustrated most of the time cause she will surely not go to sleep until maybe an hour or more. What can i do? I dont want to give in to her for she will surely use crying/screaming at the middle of the night to get me do what she wants
I don’t believe physical punishments are entirely bad (of course they should never ever be severe), if they are performed by a person who truly loves the child, and wants the best for them. There is a difference between punishment, and simply being cruel. Physical punishment can be exactly the consequence that is there in the moment, so that the child can connect it to the behaviour.
Don’t hit your children. Don’t yell at them. Don’t call them names. I’m 23, 9 months ago i was diagnosed with cptsd. Today i got the results of my disability request. My country has determined i am 100% incapable of earning a salary. If you hit your child or yell at them, you aren’t teaching them a lesson. You are crippling them for life. Children deserve to feel safe.