To cope with toxic family members, it is essential to create boundaries and be clear about your boundaries. Recognizing signs of a toxic relationship and setting boundaries can help you deal with them effectively. Experts share when it’s okay to cut off contact with toxic family members.
To deal with toxic family members, it is crucial to understand their harmful energy and influence on your life. This comprehensive guide outlines 9 signs to identify toxic patterns and how to deal with them. Having compassion and understanding for your toxic family member doesn’t mean excuse or forgive their behavior, but understanding how they came to be.
Setting boundaries is also important. Forgiving those who caused pain gives you the freedom to let go and pursue healing for yourself while inviting your family to heal. If your parent gets in touch with you, you can tell them you need a break from their toxicity. If you stop contacting them, they may not contact you.
Key strategies for dealing with toxic family relationships include setting boundaries, limiting contact, and not engaging in toxic interactions. Breathe and know that it’ll be okay to leave a toxic situation. Focusing on healing yourself is key, and leaving when possible will not hold you back.
Toxic family members are detrimental to your happiness, and there are 11 signs you have a toxic family member and 5 ways to deal with them. One way to help them understand that forgiveness is a weakness is to tell them that you’ll always love them.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| How to Forgive a Family Member Who Won’t Change | Forgiving those who caused you pain gives you the freedom to let go and pursue healing for yourself while also inviting your family to heal. | grottonetwork.com |
| How To Deal With A Toxic Parent, Sibling, or Other Family … | How to deal with a toxic parent, sibling, or other family member · Decide your role in the relationship · Set (and stick to) boundaries · It’s OK … | headspace.com |
| How Do I Deal with Toxic Family Members?: The Mental … | This article has helped you start to consider how you want to navigate any relationships that may be toxic within your family. | losangelesmftherapist.com |
📹 How to Forgive Toxic Family (and Still Cut Them Off)
Can you forgive toxic family and still cut them off? That’s the question we answer in today’s video. Need a Christian Counselor?
How To Cut Off Toxic Family Members?
To manage toxic family relationships, it’s crucial to establish and communicate clear boundaries regarding unacceptable behavior. Limiting contact with these relatives can be beneficial for your mental health. Seeking support from therapists, counselors, or trusted friends is vital when dealing with emotional turmoil. Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is key, and understanding that ending a toxic relationship is permissible can alleviate guilt.
Experts, such as Nedra Tawwab, emphasize the importance of boundaries and assert that it’s sometimes necessary to cut off contact entirely, especially if a relationship becomes abusive. Acknowledge the harm done, release the belief that the toxic family member will change, and allow yourself to grieve the loss of connection. Signs of toxicity include belittling achievements and fostering self-doubt. When considering cutting ties, ensure financial independence, limit communication, and be prepared to block them on phones and social media.
Avoid engaging further to reduce stress caused by their drama. Implement strategies like the Grey Rock Method and keep supportive phrases ready as you navigate these challenging relationships. Ultimately, prioritizing your well-being is essential in dealing with toxic family dynamics.
How To Deal With Toxic Family Members Who Disrespect Your Boundaries?
Dealing with toxic family members who disrespect your boundaries can be challenging, but it's essential for your mental well-being. Start by clearly defining your boundaries without assuming that they are aware of them. Consistency is key—reiterate your boundaries until they are understood. If disrespect continues, take further action. It's crucial to manage interactions by limiting time spent together and not attempting to change the behavior of others. Focus on identifying unacceptable behaviors such as insults or privacy invasions and set firm limits around them.
Establish three core parts to setting boundaries: identify what you need, communicate clearly, and enforce those boundaries confidently. Practicing self-care and enhancing communication is vital, as is recognizing the need for professional help if necessary. Healthy boundaries may encompass physical space, emotional safety, and time management.
Ultimately, putting your needs first, valuing your time, and learning to say "no" can foster healthier family dynamics. If the toxicity persists, consider limiting contact with those who do not respect your boundaries. Seek positive relationships outside your family circle to ensure joy and fulfillment in your life. Remember, addressing disrespect is crucial for fostering healthy relationships within your family.
How To Let Go Of Family That Hurts You?
Letting go of childhood baggage requires a thorough self-reflection on unresolved hurt and disappointment. Start by listing these feelings and delving deeper to understand their impact on your current mental and emotional health. Acknowledge how toxic family members contribute to ongoing pain and make a deliberate choice to release this burden. Forgiveness varies in meaning, but fundamentally, it involves choosing to relinquish resentment and anger. Although the hurtful actions may linger, pursuing forgiveness can diminish their emotional hold over you, leading to personal liberation.
Evaluate the overall dynamics of your familial relationships, recognizing that even those who love you can cause harm. Prioritize your well-being while communicating with these family members, adjusting your expectations for their responses. Stop underestimating the damage caused and let go of the fantasy of their change. It’s crucial to establish boundaries in the face of toxic behavior.
Consider recent scientific insights that support emotional healing and resilience. Embrace steps to reclaim your life, such as understanding the reasons behind your emotional attachments and forgiving those who’ve hurt you. Engage in practical strategies like detaching from negative interactions, avoiding triggers, and maintaining distance as needed. Surround yourself with positive influences, communicate openly about your feelings, and seek support from trusted individuals. Ultimately, your worth is not defined by how others treat you.
What Is The Biggest Source Of Conflict In A Family?
La falta de comunicación es una de las causas más frecuentes de conflicto familiar. Malentendidos, suposiciones o el simple hecho de no discutir temas importantes pueden generar tensiones y resentimientos con el tiempo. Por ejemplo, algunos miembros de la familia pueden sentirse ignorados o pasados por alto, lo que lleva a la frustración. Otro factor común es el estrés financiero; los desacuerdos sobre heredades o la responsabilidad de cuidar a padres ancianos son solo algunos ejemplos.
También existen diferencias en valores, expectativas no cumplidas y estilos de crianza que provocan disputas. Esta información puede ayudar a las familias a identificar las causas de los conflictos y ofrecer estrategias para prevenirlos, promoviendo así un entorno familiar más armonioso. Es importante abordar problemas como traumas no resueltos y la división de responsabilidades en el hogar. Durante períodos de transición o cambio, los conflictos tienden a intensificarse, afectando las relaciones.
Las causas principales de conflicto familiar incluyen problemas financieros, disputas sobre la crianza de los hijos, rivalidad entre hermanos y la influencia de los suegros. La comunicación abierta y la resolución efectiva son claves para manejar y superar estos desacuerdos.
How To Deal With Unfair Treatment In Family?
Dealing with toxic family members, such as parents or siblings, requires establishing clear boundaries and understanding your role in the relationship. Taking time-outs can be beneficial, especially in emotionally charged situations. While family drama is unavoidable, it’s essential not to let fear dictate your boundaries. Acknowledge that their issues are not your responsibility, embracing the mantra "not my circus, not my monkeys." It’s crucial to practice self-compassion and recognize your efforts in navigating a challenging environment.
Journaling emotions can provide clarity, aiding in effective communication about feelings. Conversely, avoid dwelling on injustices, as negativity impedes constructive change. In families, favoritism can create tension; understanding its implications can help manage relationships better. Conflict is a standard aspect of familial bonds, and the focus should be on repairing connections rather than perpetuating discord. Cultivating supportive friendships outside the family is vital, as they offer love and fairness.
Utilize empathy to grasp others' perspectives when resentment arises. Preparing mentally for interactions and fostering open dialogue can aid in managing emotions during conversations, helping to strengthen family ties while ensuring personal well-being.
How Do You Outsmart A Toxic Person?
Dealing with toxic people can be difficult, but employing effective strategies can help maintain your emotional and mental well-being. Begin by setting and enforcing clear personal boundaries to protect yourself. Limiting interactions with toxic individuals can often prevent their negativity from affecting you. Stay calm and detached during interactions; do not let their behavior provoke a reaction. Focus on solutions and seek support from friends or family, who can act as buffers against toxicity. Always practice self-care and recognize when it’s best to walk away from an interaction entirely.
Avoid engaging in the toxic person’s drama, as many thrive on the reactions they provoke. Pay attention to how these individuals try to manipulate situations and use assertive communication to establish your limits. It is important to prioritize your own mental health and control what you can while eliminating what you cannot. By maintaining emotional intelligence, you can master difficult interactions.
Learn to recognize the signs of toxicity, speak your truth, and distance yourself when necessary. Strengthening your support system and focusing on positive influences can significantly mitigate the impact of toxic individuals in your life.
How To Handle A Family Member Who Is Toxic?
Dealing with toxic family members requires setting clear, consistent boundaries. For example, if a family member criticizes you in an unacceptable way, it's important to communicate that these behaviors are not acceptable. To cope effectively, follow these steps: 1. Establish boundaries—though challenging, this is vital. Recognize toxic behaviors that may undermine your well-being; knowing when to cut off contact may be necessary. 2. Limit your interactions with toxic family members to protect yourself.
3. Avoid engaging in deep conversations with gossipy relatives; keep discussions light and superficial. 4. Seek support from friends, trusted individuals, or professionals to help navigate your situation. 5. If the toxicity persists, consider cutting ties completely. It’s crucial to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Recognizing toxic dynamics can empower you to create healthier family relationships.
Remember, it’s acceptable to take time for yourself, and seeking support is essential in managing these challenging relationships. Ultimately, fostering a supportive network can help you heal and thrive despite family challenges.
When Should You Call It Quits With Family?
Determining whether to end a relationship with a family member, particularly one who is randomly abusive, can be challenging. If no behavioral patterns emerge and there are no benefits to maintaining the connection, it might be wise to sever ties. Recognizing when to call it quits in a blended family can be particularly difficult. Signs to look for include your partner exhibiting jealousy or feelings for someone else, as these indicate deeper issues that may be irreparable.
Ending an unhealthy relationship is a personal decision, and consulting friends, family, or a professional can provide clarity. It's vital to avoid prolonged stays in a relationship just to prevent conflict; if you sense the relationship’s end is imminent, addressing it sooner can be healthier. Considerations for ending relationships include evaluating if interactions primarily invoke negativity or draining emotions. If more time spent together feels like competition, it might be an indicator that things need reevaluation.
Before finalizing decisions, reflect deeply on your happiness and circumstances. Although divorce and its alternatives present complex options, awareness of your emotional state and needs is crucial. Ultimately, when communication falters and only negative interactions persist, it could be the right moment to call it quits. Prioritize your well-being and that of your children when assessing the continued viability of the relationship.
What Does A Toxic Sister Look Like?
According to Kathleen Douglass, MA, LCPC, a primary therapist at Charlie Health specializing in family dynamics, certain behaviors indicate a toxic sibling relationship, including violent actions, constant criticism, and manipulation. Signs of toxicity include feeling undermined or disrespected, alongside persistent comments that evoke anxiety and low self-esteem. For example, a sister may consistently criticize a sibling's dating choices, career goals, and friendships, suggesting that no one is ever good enough.
Toxic siblings often embody manipulative traits and may exhibit narcissistic behaviors, such as always needing to be right or relishing in another's failures. Relationships characterized by relentless criticism and emotional harm indicate a dysfunctional dynamic. Parents should ideally treat all children equally, but favoritism can lead to toxic behaviors. If a sibling’s actions lead to feelings of hurt or control, recognizing these toxic signs is vital.
Key indicators include a lack of empathy, an inability to apologize, and a refusal to take responsibility for their behavior. Establishing boundaries can help mitigate the toxic effects, while seeking professional support may assist in navigating the complexities of such a relationship. Ultimately, acknowledging these signs and fostering healthier dynamics can promote emotional well-being.
What Happens When You Have A Toxic Family Member?
Toxic relatives can introduce chaos and dysfunction in family dynamics, often prompting the need to cut ties with certain members. A toxic family dynamic features harmful behaviors like manipulation, emotional abuse, and a lack of support, significantly impacting mental health and well-being. When you have a toxic family member, their critical comments can lead to emotional distress, feelings of obligation, guilt, and grief.
Experts suggest recognizing the signs of toxicity, such as anxiety, depression, and constant negativity. Attempts to change a toxic person often prove futile; instead, setting firm boundaries is vital.
Toxic behavior often violates personal boundaries, includes manipulation and controlling actions, and leads to a lack of respect for your choices. Spending time in such an environment can erode self-esteem, generate stress, and contribute to anxiety, ultimately affecting one's outlook on life.
Therapists recommend understanding your feelings, whether it’s confusion or heartache, and accepting that not all family relationships are healthy. The key steps involve assessing the situation, communicating your needs, and considering time apart from the toxic individual. Ultimately, prioritizing personal health and well-being is essential, as toxic family dynamics can destroy individual happiness and lead to a cycle of pain. Taking action against poisonous relationships may be challenging but is necessary for healing and growth.
How Do You Emotionally Detach From A Toxic Family?
To manage toxic family members, follow these key strategies: First, set clear boundaries and communicate them consistently to protect your wellbeing. Limiting interactions is essential to reduce their impact. Create a solid support system to avoid isolation. Prioritize self-care to bolster resilience, and remember that their behavior reflects on them, not you. Effective detachment involves reevaluating your emotional investment in the relationship and identifying your reasons for needing to detach.
This is particularly crucial in codependent or dysfunctional relationships. Begin by assessing your family dynamics and contemplating necessary changes. Cutting ties may be drastic, but sometimes it’s the only option for your mental health. Emotional detachment, rooted in self-care practices, enables you to manage unhealthy relationships. Techniques such as avoiding triggers, applying the Grey Rock Method, and having comforting phrases at hand can assist in this process.
It's vital to respond rather than react, allowing individuals to experience the consequences of their actions. While it’s not easy, pursuing emotional safety and focusing on your needs can lead to a more positive and fulfilling life.
What Is The First Step In Dealing With A Toxic Family Member?
Dealing with toxic family members can be challenging, and there is no universally right approach. Each individual must determine their level of contact with toxic relatives, knowing when it may be necessary to distance themselves for their own well-being. Establishing boundaries is crucial, though difficult. Start by clearly defining your boundaries and communicating them effectively, as toxic individuals often may not understand your limits.
Recognizing the signs of a toxic family member, such as emotional manipulation or intimidation, is essential. If interactions consistently leave you feeling drained or undervalued, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Improving your emotional health begins with identifying toxic patterns and behaviors. To navigate complex family dynamics successfully, consider limiting the time spent together with toxic relatives and practicing self-care. It's also important to trust your feelings and seek support from others who understand your struggles. In some cases, cutting ties may be necessary, but ensure this decision aligns with your emotional needs first.
Establishing healthy boundaries demands ongoing effort and communication, so be patient with yourself as you navigate these dynamics. Ultimately, prioritize your emotional well-being, recognizing that you deserve positive and supportive relationships.
📹 God Is Telling You to BLOCK a FAMILY MEMBER If . . .
Would God ever tell you to block a family member? How should we treat a toxic family member? Here are 4 signs that could mean …
I used to intertwine forgiveness and reconciliation too. It kept getting me ran over and hurt. And yes, toxic people demand to be close to you. Mybsister was abusive but never understood why I kept her at arm’s length. I eventually cut all my immediate family off. A primary source of guilt for me came from, “Who’s going to take care of my parents (I was family caretaker)?” I had to really pray about that. The Lord revealed that the guilt comes from the enemy b/c he wants to keep us bound. With prayer, inner work, and time, the guilt subsided. I was very codependent when I left.
It’s true. My sister drove me to the edge of my sanity and the brink of death with her dogmatic gaslighting. It was demonic and downright diabolical. I don’t have hard feelings. I still pray for her and will be generous on her birthday and Christmas. We don’t talk on the phone anymore due to the toxicity. It’s best this way and so liberating.
It’s sad just because the hold the title ‘Parents’ they think they are entitled to treat you like you don’t exist only when they want you to attend to their events or help them but they never have time for you and it has to be on their terms, that’s not love and is based on their conditions and take advantage the fact that they are your parents and hold that title over you but they don’t care about your needs or you can’t even have a voice or you are walking on eggshells and if you do speak up to how wrong they are treating you they play the victim and start smear campaigns with other family members etc.
I’m speechless…you just spoke into the very details of my situation with my mom. I feel guilty for cutting off the relationship because I feel I might be the only way she’ll hear or see the gospel. But her toxicity is life draining. You are definitely filled with the Holy Spirit and guided by him. Best advice I have been given in my situation. Thank you for taking the time to pour into others lives.
If they’re making you seriously ill, mentally &/or physically, & you’ve done all you can, it might be time to stop contact. Leave them in God’s hands & pray for them. Can be liberating. Christian counseling can be helpful too. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should allow others to play with you or kick you around. Learning to live as an adult is a wonderful thing. You can live independently.
Wow Kris great answer. I have a very toxic family, two years of not talking, I forgave them. I allowed them back in my life and thought it would be different, however nothing changed. All it was doing was, is them keeping me in a dark hole, and negative energy. I love them, I forgive you, but I need positive energy to follow my journey with the Lord.
Being Christian, having to forgive others as we have been forgiven by the Lord, was something very hard for me to do. People who knew I was Christian and disregarded or abused me would take my forgiveness for granted. It’s as you said, just because you forgive others doesn’t mean they get to keep your trust and violate it.
My mother and adult son are toxic on all levels! I’ve been battling cancer for 10 years. I also became a widow 3 years ago. They could care less about my health or pain. I want to just get away from them period! I have forgiven them, However l don’t want to reconcile. I pray the Lord allow me to move to another state. Please pray for my strength in the Lord!
This is exactly what I was looking for. I didn’t know how God may feel about me going no contact with my narc mom. He has given me dreams of her physically attacking me and I got the revelation that our spirits are NOT in agreement. I have to cut her off and allow God to work on her. Love her from a distance. She continues to disturb the peace of God in my life and attempt to stunt my mental health journey. New sub!
I’m currently going though so much pain going now contact. You are helping so many people heal. I am a 33 year old adult daughter who is healing from codependency, being the scape goat, among physical, and psychological abuse. I love God so much and want to honor my parents but he’s given me permission to take time to heal. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. If my parents would simply just acknowledge and take accountability oh how our relationship would thrive. I can’t keep sinning to keep them in my life. It’s been the hardest I’ve been going through so much pain .
Psalm 27 verses 10-12: 10: When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me. 11: Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies. 12: Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses havf risen up against me, and such as breathe out violence”. New King James Version ❤❤❤
Thank you Kriss, you are just what I needed. If you could please elaborate on the guilt that comes by cutting off your parents when they are very toxic. My therapists all have suggested I keep the ties cut, but I find it very difficult in my heart. But when I have even minimal contact I’m distraught for weeks. Thanks again for your guidance 🙏
I’m forced to say good morning every time I go to my in laws or I get yelled at and now I’ve gone no contact because my in laws got offended because I didn’t say good morning one morning when I didn’t sleep and was super depressed. I was instantly name called and screamed at to the point where I yelled back and packed my things and left with my daughter and husband who is now blaming me for “disrespecting” his parents. Unbelievable situation.
Forgiveness is a decision. It will take time to work through it though. Forgiveness will come with time. Doesn’t mean you want them back in your life. Forget them. If they can’t treat you with the respect you deserve that’s their problem. Protect yourself from these kinds of people the way you would protect your child or loved one if someone was hurting them.
Thank you so much for letting GOD use you in being a mouthpiece for HIM. Mine is with my oldest sister. One person can’t be open to working on anything, especially after making it clear that I gravitate towards a person who can be real with themselves, because I’m brutally honest with myself and ultimate goal is pleasing GOD and HEAVEN. I was lead to set up a zoom meeting with immediate family explaining various things about myself and also said, it’s possible to be related, but have no relationship. Thank you again.
Wow, thank you, this is exactly my situation. Guilt over letting go of toxic mom, but her wheels come off at any given time and boy watch out, it’s scarey. She did this my whole life. I just want to be free from it. She broke my trust. She never apologizes. She is not repentant. Never has been. Her mormon religion did not help her. I am a new Christian, i just want people in my life to love me no matter what! And to focus on my new walk with the Lord❤
You don’t know how much you have helped me, I’m 16 and I thought I still needed to stay with my family because God may say I can’t leave them, I have a very toxic mother and older bother I’ve been through a lot mentally and physically, they always gang up on me, and God knows I’ve tried, so it time for me to let my family go cause know one has my back. But God always has me back.Everyone stay blessed.❤
I found this article so helpful. I have been struggling with forgiving and cutting off a family member. I knew that if I had to deal with a non-family member I would have cut them off and forgave them by now. This was a confirmation of what I need to do with God’s help. I’m close to forgiving them and I wanted to cut them off after I had forgiven them. I didn’t want to cut them off out of anger and unforgiveness. However, I do realize where the relationship is going if things keep going the way they are going. It’s on a downward spiral. Maybe cutting off is temporary and maybe it’s permanent I don’t know.
Thank you Kris for being a Godly, Biblical woman. Your article messages have confirmed what God was teaching me about demonic spirits being around people who continue in gossip, lies, abusive behavior and do not repent of it. 90% of the people in my life were toxic or narcissistic, and most of them said they followed Jesus. But their fruit consistently aligned more with that of satan…lies, steal, destroy, etc than with fruit that comes from abiding in the VINE, Jesus. The Bible tells us not to judge those who don’t know Jesus as they will sin…they don’t have the moral plumb line of God’s Word in their lives. But ppl who profess Christ, though we sin, are supposed to spend time with God and in His Word and conform to Him not society. 2 Timothy 3 talks about toxic people and says to turn away and have nothing to do with such people. We shouldn’t feel guilt, though we do sometimes, for obeying God in His Word…He says to turn away, then in obedience I will. And Kris, you explained why….because bad company corrupts good morals. People who say they follow Christ but are toxic are actually FOOLS according to Proverbs 14 and 26. We are not to argue with a fool or we will look like one too. We are not to hang out with people who profess Jesus but abuse us. They are wolves in sheep clothing. Sheep cannot live with a wolf and expect to be unharmed. God hates abuse. He tells us not to be near people who are like this because He doesn’t want us to be hurt. We are raised with the thinking, and society.
I just watched this older article – it is so very helpful! Thank you for saying ‘forgiveness and trust are very different’. I have found in my family that I need to distance myself just so I can forgive. Otherwise the behaviors are on rinse and repeat, and I am always in pain – and also anger because my feelings are never validated or resolved and healed (it is not safe to express them) – because there is no concept of acknowledgement of mistreatment and therefore trust can not be built. Moving on is like a breath of fresh air, but one always questions whether it is right because you have been programmed to not consider yourself nor to trust your own judgement. This is why you have so much value – you may think you are stating the obvious, but for the ‘programmed’ it isn’t so clear. Thank you for all these articles.
Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came up and said to Him (Jesus), Lord how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?…… 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say seven times but seventy-seven times”……. This verse hit me How much Compassionate Our Lord is towards us even though we sin against me and fail Him daily! He can forgive us when we forgive those who sin against us!! Hallelujah! Amen
Thank you Kris, I’m in tears right now. I want to please and obey the Lord. I have a toxic mother in law I live with. She asked my four year old yesterday for $10. She was going to use it to gamble slots. I told her “No!” My four-year-old knows to hide her money. Keep in mind, I live with my mother in law so there’s not much I can do to avoid her. She ended up winning $700 at the casino yesterday and she’s flaunting it today. I’m struggling to forgive her. This has happened before. I have been praying for God to give me wisdom…. And somehow I find myself on your website. You are a godsend to me. Thank you and I love you
This is my sister, mom, and some of my in-laws. I reached out to my believing sister to address her behavior towards me and was gaslighted.. I was told I needed spiritual and emotional healing.. It’s wierd, bc in toxic relationships it feels as if the person doesn’t like you, but they also seem to be intentional about staying connected to you at the same time. I have told myself, if this was a friend, I would have disassociated myself long ago. I’m not wasting another minute on people who seem to enjoy devaluing and looking down on me. It’s unhealthy and emotionally draining.
Sadly, I had to cut ties with my my father and my adult children. I removed them from my home. My health was declining. My blood pressure sky rocketed (never had high blood pressure), my mental and emotional well being almost brought me to suicide. No joke. I blocked them all from contacting me and forbid them to ever come to my home. It got that bad. I am much happier now and my soul is well
I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. My mom spent all my dad’s money for her gambling addiction and her extended relatives who stayed with us. When he retired, all he did was to blame her for the financial troubles as we were left in debt. I went overseas to work and my mom manipulated me into supporting the whole family. I didn’t know that my two brothers brought home their gf and had their own family too. I was unknowingly supporting 3 families. My mom used her sickness as a way to manipulate. She’s long gone now. It took me 11 years to finally forgive her. Now, my dad and siblings are just equally toxic. My dad has nothing to talk about but my mom’s mistakes even though she’s been gone a long time ago. One of my brothers who live with him is the same. He’s struggling financially and I’ve been helping him. But he’s very ungrateful. Every time we fight, he tells me that he never asked money from me. My other sibling keeps on telling me about his health condition. It’s a very toxic family. Today, I chose to walk away. I’ve lost 24 years of my life, money, time and happiness providing for them. It’s time to reclaim my happiness.
I entered a previous comment on this website and received a reply that is totally in correct from, it seems, o e of your counselors. I have been nar issistically abused to the point of trying to reason why this person. Is doing what they are doing, not to be blamed by someone who knows only a fraction of the facts. I have learned so much from CHRIS and was more devastated when I received the crazy response from the counselor. A bit more care needs to be shown in the future. I will continue listening to Chris.
I had to look up “can Christian’s cut off their family” because my mother was toxic but it was because of her mother and she didn’t have a true example of what love looked like. My mother passed away this year I loved her dearly but now her mother is toxic in my life as well. There have been times where my husband and I found struggles in our life and my family on my moms side judged me. My sister has a graduation in two years but I decided I’m not going to go. Yes that’s my sister but I refuse to put my peace and my husband peace in jeopardy. My mother always felt like she had to attend every family event to prove that she had it all together when she really did not. I cannot pretend to sit around people that claim they love me but don’t even love God enough to work on themselves because they’re too prideful. The whole “smile and wave” when there’s tension doesn’t sit well with me. I love my family but I don’t wish to visit or see them again. That me house I grew up in damaged me I can’t heal in the same place that broke me. I use to feel guilty for protecting my husband and I from the toxic relations from my family the ones who say they love me but their action say other wise. I cannot take my husband around a group of people that will talk about him and me. I decided to let them go and I will not surround myself with them because bad company corrupts good character and I have been corrupted by my own family and at this point I want to heal and I want to follow God I can’t follow God being surrounded by people who say they love him but when certain scriptures are for them they defend their actions with another scripture instead of working on the issue within themselves by taking it to God.
My dad is a narcissist, he has brought me so much grief and guilt and I cannot deal with it anymore. And even my siblings (who are both named after him btw) have done some things too. The thing i hatw is i miss out on a relationship with my mother. My dad always says I’m too much like my mothers side of the family. But his side of the family is extremely toxic. So im thankful God is giving me discernement.
I deal with a strange situation where my mother in law is a strong Christian so she’s very sweet and complements me every time I see her. She talks highly of me to family members as well. On the other side I get manipulative, passive aggressive, judgment, boundary breaker, lies, victim if confronted, excluded in family group texts and more. She’s tried to fix me and put me in counseling. She tries to pretend that she wants time with me but it’s to get to my daughter. I’m always confused and very uncomfortable around her. She’s very good at hiding it so I look crazy. FINALLY my husband is catching on. What do I do? I want distance but also want to honor my husband’s relationship with his mother.
My narcissistic mother and her nurse assistant partner attacked me when I was in a vulnerable place in my life. They did everything to destroy me and my reputation I even tried to turn other family members against me. This is when I figured out she was a narcissist up till then she had been doing the gaslighting and under cover sabotage. When I finally got to make a break from her and got to see her for who she really was I could finally feel peace in my life. I love my mother and always will at the best way that I can love her is to stay away from her. Besides that leave it in God’s hands he knows how to work things out 🙏
My dad rejected me and the earliest memories I have is him saying I wasn’t their child. And mom would laugh about it! I had a VERY low self-esteem. I was least respected out of all 4 of us children and was extremely difficult for me to make friends. I hated my dad. They were both believers but I was not able to forgive my dad. However, the last 10 years of my life, there was reconciliation that ONLY Jesus can provide! My dad, mother and my daughter had some of BEST memories traveling and doing wonderful times as family!
My mother is very toxic It’s so bad she I asked if everyone could pray for me about my mother hating me and having my neighbor spying on me for her his name is Todd and he’s making me feel uncomfortable. I’m getting anxiety I don’t even feel safe in my house so I asked people to pray for me that all that go away and he will move out of my neighborhood, thank you and God bless❤
Please pray for me.. I’m trying to leave them behind. But now they’re after my children. It’s so evil. Can’t take it.. I’ve allready taken 35 years of abuse. Grew up in fostercare. My mother my sister they are the worst. My father is psychotic. Lord have mercy. They are trying to take away my children
The problem is that forgiveness is explained in a general way that there is never explained with a clear answer. Forgiveness should be explained in a way where people can act it out. Instead, there are so many gray areas that people become confused and unsure how to do it. True forgiveness is accepting a choice but not condoning a behavior.
My reason for not cutting off from this family member is my heart for this person to know Jesus. It does become very tiring, almost each day there’s some drama. It’s stressed most of the times. You can’t say anything to this person. Still, this person has started receiving prayer, for healing, for some physical things, when need was. So, I just keep forgiving and enduring so that this person be saved. What do you say? It does become very stressful.
Maybe we can learn something from our brothers catholic and from the Catholic Dogma who speaks so much about the salvation of the souls . Meaning that we allow ourselves to cut and to separate from them for our healing and recovery, don’t letting them more harm us and abuse us ; but we DO PRAY for the salvation of theirs souls . And only God Almighty knows exactly what to do with each one of them. 🕊
I’m 24 and my brother is 30, I’ve endured his physical and verbal abuse for yeaarsss. And today I put my foot down and I cut him off for good and other toxic family members.I trust God and all I need is him. If you are being mistreated by anyone not just your family and you know you don’t deserve it. It is a them problem not you. And this is a problem my brother needs to deal with on his own because he is a grown man. May God heal and guide him. Until than have a nice life and God bless.
I would really like people to pray for me. I have a family that kind of divided. My sister and her husband are so involved with their church that they leave us out. We are low on their radar. It’s hurtful to me but I understand if the church brings them meaning and joy, they should ideally have their family in their life though.
I think I have a manipulative narcissistic sister and it has taken 11 years for me to figure that out. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. I did make peace with her and also with the Lord because I felt He wanted me to be at least on speaking terms with her. I finally have forgiven her. I miss her adult son and I miss my other sister’s adult daughter but if you cross the oldest sister then you are cut off. I crossed her 11 years ago. I ended up walking away from her for my mental stability. She caused me to have a nervous mental breakdown by how she treated me. I had fully trusted her. Im figuring out that my identity had been in my two oldest sisters and I am pretty sure I was codependent on them. I am finally emotionally moving on. My sister is now trying to get to know my kids but not involving me at all. I don’t want to be like her and manipulative my kids to not talk to her or have some kind of loyalty where they exclude people because I don’t like them. I pray my kids see thru her money gifts and cash she gives. I pray they don’t exclude me like the rest of my family has, except my youngest sister and her kids. They don’t. I have a deep fear of abandonment. But I’m trusting the Lord to maneuver thru this. Please pray for me. The trauma of it all has totally changed who I am. Idk if any of this made sense. It’s too long to explain.
Hi Kris, love your website. I walked away from my toxic mother over 4 yrs ago after trying many times to “reconcile” which never worked. She’s constantly God shaming me for it saying “it’s a disgrace to turn your back on your aging parents, God says it in the commandment to honour thy parents…etc etc” do you have any articles on this?
They’re not toxic but none of my family have ever been there for me whenever I’ve reached out to any of them. My help comes from the lord but it hurts it’s like I don’t exist if anything happened to me no one would be there for me or my kids. I don’t want to be hurt or bitter but im left alone sometimes I feel like if I’m fully alone no contact I could deal with
Update: My sister put my Mom in an assisted living facility. She didn’t even contact my family or our Moms only sibling. Mom didn’t like it at first but has adjusted well. The best part is she is 5 minutes away from my house. We visit her at least once a week. Mom hasn’t asked me for anything, just some essential things here and there. Sometimes the staff will ask me questions and I will tell them my sister and I are estranged. They think I know about conversations they gave had with my sister but I dont. So far I haven’t seen or heard from my sister. I am fine with that now. She’s toxic and I don’t need that in my life. I’m grateful I get to see my Mom and spend time with her. Question: I have recently discovered I am codependent and a victim of narcissistic abuse. I don’t know if my Mom is a narcissist but she has always been very needy, needing validation. I have often felt guilted into doing things for her. She will be 90 in September. She lives with my narcissistic sister who has POA. I was the one doing all the work. I would go to my Mom’s and sister’s and clean house, bathe my Mom, prepare meals, give her medicine. I had to ask my sister to give me money for gas. I went over 5 days a week for 3 months until my sister found some ladies who can also rotate and take care of Mom. My sister got mad at me last year. I even think I had COVID in January. I was feeling better but was coughing and extremely tired. I was running late so I called my sister who had taken the day off if work.
My parents always tell me that if I don’t honor my father and mother that Gxd will not bless me. I m so conflicted as a Christian because I would like to uphold Gxd’s commandments but I feel like I’m not doing that if I cut them off. They’ve been so damaging to my mental health to the point that I’ve contemplated suicide because of them and I know they have good left in them but they don’t acknowledge any of the pain they’ve caused me. My parents stayed in a broken and violent marriage for “my sake” and to have my grow up with a father and I’m not sure I can forgive the damage that’s done to me mentally. In addition to this day they expect me to take care of my sister who they willingly had yet take no responsibility over and get angry with me. I haven’t talked to a Priest or anything but I’ve been praying that Gxd leads me toward the right answer.
I’m 19 and my mom always disapproves who I date it’s understandable she wants me to find someone good for me but how would she know if he’s for me Or not if she won’t even get to know him… I know he treats me right… as a mother she should atleast just advice me but instead she would say mean things about him and me she would threaten to kick me out if the house she would blackmail me and starts thinking she’s superior and control everything so things go her way… of course I won’t leave a good person just cause she disapproves him…. reason she disapproves him is because he doesn’t have a job yet but of course he’s applying for jobs(he’s 7 years older than me)
I’m new…and trying to find answers. I have someone (husband) in my life-if we have a disagreement he goes into telling me what I think and what I feel. Then when I try to clarify it- he won’t accept it. He reiterates, “no you think…” It’s so painful-I find myself not trusting him with my heart anymore. In addition, if I share something with him opening up making myself vulnerable about a struggle I have, in any fight he will bring it up. In a way that he says the words -“your crazy”. I saw a few red flags as we were dating-(not these specifically), I thought the red flags were “triggers” from my previous relationship. I disregarded them. Ladies and gentlemen- please don’t disregard “flags and gut feelings” And don’t numb them! To add: he told me all the places his family went to church. He would visit on Wednesdays and Sundays when I was In service. We were married- then a year and a half later I found out from his dad he didn’t believe in Jesus. When I mentioned the conversation to my husband about what his dad said he told me- “why would anyone believe a book-it’s just a book”. I was In shock. I had just lost my job of 8 years, 4 years before this my husband of 25 years divorced me-and I was trying to do better. I know I didn’t do the right things when I was dating and yes I do believe this is a consequence of that action. But I’m here now – 9 years later and he still does it- I’ve caught him in “stupid” lies-(as In it’s things he wouldn’t have to lie about). He omits information when it’s convenient.
Leave First. As an ex long time paramedic allow a scenario. I arrive to a toxic scene a poisonous air environment shall I treat you on the floor where I find you passed out or move you away from that environment? If you stay in that environment trying to fix things or forgive first it will most likely become much more vicious gotta get distance and time distance a lot will change with time apart and know yourself then seeing more clearly in hindsight can sort things out from all persons perspectives Absolutely Christ will show you
I’ve know my Mother in Law for years. I am married to a non Christian and I think he and they are atheists/agnostics etc. whilst she can be nice she can suddenly come out with rude, disrespectful, condescending comments and on occasion be downright nasty. She is controlling and overbearing and micromanages people when they visit and there is strong uncomfortable etiquette at the table and stifling house rules. We went to see them for 3 nights in their new home and it was intolerable as her and her husband were bullies. I left early the last morning. I’ve decided never to stay there again and limit my exposure to them but I can’t cut them off as it’s my husbands Mother. He and his brother both agree that it’s difficult in her house due to controlling and stifling ways.
I’m experiencing a seeming FBI level invasion of privacy and it’s creepy to the level of pure lunacy. I pray to God and ask that if you can’t release me from it just let me have the rest of my life to do what I want. I choose me. I guess I just run with that. The physical freedom to move on. And that is nice. Please Lord. Keep the enemy at bay. My eyes are on you and never going backwards. Lord have mercy. The devil is busy in this world. Hiding in plain sight. Keep me free of the wiles of the devil. In Jesus name.
How do I handle that situation with my mother please help I asked if everyone could pray for me about my mother hating me and having my neighbor spying on me for her his name is Todd and he’s making me feel uncomfortable. I’m getting anxiety I don’t even feel safe in my house so I asked people to pray for me that all that go away and he will move out of my neighborhood, thank you and God bless
dear darling sister,Faisal here your brother, i have been a victim of toxic parents for 40+ years till I finally decided to part ways with them. They hate me so much; cannot tolerate me; always want me to be miserable and commit suicide. I need your answer to this issue? if my parents always bring me down and want me to lose in life like they did, disrespect me for becoming a respectable person, then are they doomed to go to hell forever? should i never see their face again, please answer. Love you sis.
? Question: I was not ready to go no contact until a year after my therapist suggested that I should because I did not believe it was Godly to do so. It wasn’t until I saw Gary Thomas speak about his book “When to Walk Away” on YouTube that I was ready to do so. Now that I’ve done so, I have Christians telling me that I have not forgiven my family if I continue to stay across the alligator filled moat and haven’t made the effort to reconcile with them. What do I say to those Christians?
I have a toxic family i am a believer also. my mom didnt raise me or my sister we were raised by our grandparents because at the time she was in a relationship with a man who didnt want us so she gave us up to our grandparents. im already in my 60 and my mom has came in my life because i let her but she’s the type of mom who likes to make my siblings go against each other and i would have thought by now she stopped but she continues to do it and talk bad about me and my siblings. we are all from different dads me being the oldest.. I never had a bond or close relationship with her and when i allowed her to talk to me on phone she will be nice for awhile then she switches and decides how she going to tear me down as she did when i was a little girl. she come over when she had men problems and she always picked on me called me names she sock me up but put her hands with my little sister hands to hit me in the face. my little sister was crying i know she didnt want to do it but my mom hands were over hers and my aunt told her to stop or she make me and my sister hate each other. my mom called me names that no one would want me or a man because i was always getting sick and those words stuck to me as i got older. I given her alot of chances and i feel bad when she does text me but recently she and my other sister the 3rd sister were not talking for 5 yrs she grew up with my mom and stepdad because my mom likes to start fights now that they are talking both stop talking to me and im ok with that.
I cut my older Narcissist sister and brother.Im the youngest and codependent.Im scared to conflict I let them berval abuse me for a long time.they dont know Im angry to them.I just cut and no more communication.I forgive them but I dont want any communication to them.plese help me what to do.because even to the other people Im scared with conflict and I become timid most of the time.
They so unforgiving and so narcissistic and obsessed with trying to persue relationship with me they try to use the word of God and are really toxic every time I see them I literally have to go all the way around numerous blocks just to avoid them but some how they are percussion towards me and they show a lot of hatred.
?How do I get my mom to stop 🛑 telling me everything to do or not to do or she gets mad at me ?She just a few months ago she lost her husband my step dad now she messages me about everyday wanting me to spend time with her or go with her every where all the time if I say no in a nice way she screams at me pus I’m a only child to ?So how or what fo I have to do to make her not be mad at me if I don’t do everything she wants me to do? and when treats me like a teenage ?
My former therapist told me in the past that everyone (especially toxic family members) plays mind games. That’s not even remotely true; even if it was true, it’s not a Godly way to live. God is not the author of any mind games. Mind games is something that Satan has come to do, and God has undone every curse and iniquity on the cross, over 2,000 years ago, so we could have salvation and eternal life with God. The Bible says in Matthew 7:12 “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. 🙏✝️
I don’t see how you didn’t mention the obvious reason why one would cut someone off, maybe they didn’t live up to our expectations, I didn’t do anything wrong. Toxic ppl or family are just wanting to hate you bc they just are hateful. And why is it always discussed in a romantic sense. Most of the time it’s siblings.
We don’t feel like we’ve forgiven?? Hmm no I would say you need to feel it too otherwise it’s not dealt with. And Yes forgiveness starts with a decision but it is then a process. Sometimes short sometimes there’s more to un pick. Sorry I have to say that because as soon as I started listening to this my ears pricked up with some of the words you’ve chosen to use here.. meaning could not be clear or I’m sorry but your wrong.
“You forgive me but you haven’t forgotten all the insults and horrible things I have done to you? Because you did not forget you have not forgiven, therefore you are an ungodly, hypocritical human being who has not really forgiven like Jesus said to 70×7 times a day.” Next comes some sort of them being the misunderstood victim and you the hater.😢