Narcissists often refuse marriage counseling due to their maladaptive behaviors and lack of empathy. This is because they realize they are selfish and have been mistreating others. Couples therapy can be a challenging process, especially for those with narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissists often deflect suggestions that they could be contributing to marital difficulties, making it difficult to treat them. They may refuse treatment because they know they won’t change. Additionally, they are not self-aware enough to regulate their own emotions and self-regulatory tendencies. Narcissistic partners often quit therapy, believing that convincing the narcissist in their life to seek therapy will magically make them the perfect partner.
Narcissists also lack “whole object” and believe that if they can convince the narcissist in their life to seek therapy, they will magically become the perfect partner. Therapists report that sometimes narcissists go to therapy to get an official seal of approval from the therapist, but if they don’t get that, they get upset and quit going.
In conclusion, narcissists often refuse marriage therapy due to their lack of empathy, lack of self-awareness, and the belief that they will become the perfect partner. Couples therapy is designed to help narcissistic tendencies, but it can be detrimental if the narcissist continues to blame others and build a case for their victimhood. It is essential to approach the situation with realistic expectations and recognize the harmful behaviors of a narcissistic partner before seeking treatment.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| Why Couples Counseling Won’t Work for Narcissists | KCM | You’ve given the narcissist your playbook. This is the biggest harm of all. Narcissists are unable to regulate their own emotions and self- … | katiecouric.com |
| Do narcissists sabotage couples’ therapy on purpose? If so … | Do narcissists care enough about their relationships to the point that it makes them want to change and go to therapy? If the narcissist is … | quora.com |
| Is Couples’ Therapy Useful When One Partner Is a … | … keep the narcissistic mate interested in continuing couples’ therapy. … Trauma. 4 Min Read. The Truth About Trauma Bonding and Narcissists. | psychologytoday.com |
📹 STOP trying to “fix it” for people in narcissistic relationships
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
Does A Narcissist Ever Love Their Spouse?
It's crucial to understand that a narcissist's initial display of love is often short-lived and conditional. Their connections are typically shallow, lacking the empathy needed for genuine affection. While they may develop intense emotional attachments, narcissists tend to fall in love with an idealized version of their partner rather than the person themselves. This superficial form of love fulfills their self-centered desires, focusing on how the relationship elevates their own self-worth.
Many narcissists may seem to be in happy relationships, showcasing their bond through social media, but their love is fundamentally different from authentic emotional connections. Consequently, those involved with narcissists often wonder if they're truly capable of love. Signs of narcissism can be hard to recognize initially, but over time, they become more apparent. In relationships, narcissists may manipulate their partner's feelings, creating confusion and emotional distress.
They view their partner as a means to fulfill their narcissistic needs, without the ability to reciprocate genuine love. Overall, while narcissists can express what appears to be love, their feelings are ultimately fleeting and driven by personal gain, lacking true emotional depth or vulnerability.
What Are The Long Term Effects Of Being Married To A Narcissist?
Being married to a narcissist can severely impact mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Victims often experience mood swings, emotional numbness, and difficulty regulating their emotions, resulting from psychological and emotional abuse. Narcissism is defined by a pronounced sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, often accompanied by manipulative and exploitative behavior.
Even after exiting the toxic relationship, victims may endure long-lasting effects like C-PTSD, panic attacks, and trust issues, amplified by the relationship's trauma. The situation worsens if both partners exhibit narcissistic traits, resulting in mutual abuse and further emotional turmoil. Long-term effects of such marriages include chronic stress, diminished self-esteem, and emotional exhaustion, with survivors facing varying degrees of harm based on their experiences.
Individuals in these relationships may feel disconnected, isolated, and lose enthusiasm for life. Key signs of narcissism include lack of empathy and emotional manipulation. Understanding the realities of being with a narcissist is crucial for coping and healing. The psychological toll can lead to significant identity confusion, loneliness, and enduring low self-worth, making recovery a challenging journey for many who have experienced narcissistic abuse.
Will A Narcissist Ever Go To Therapy?
Narcissists can benefit from therapy and counseling, but there are significant challenges. A key obstacle is their reluctance to acknowledge that they need help, largely due to their defensive mechanisms like denial and projection. Consequently, they represent only 2-16% of therapy clients, often avoiding or prematurely ending sessions when uncomfortable. Most enter therapy either unknowingly fitting the narcissistic diagnosis or under pressure from partners.
Narcissists predominantly lack empathy, which complicates their therapeutic journey. Although some individuals with narcissistic traits might see changes through professional support, substantial transformation is unlikely without their willingness to commit to the process. Therapy can sometimes serve narcissists as a means to blame others or secure a victim narrative, posing additional risks for therapists. Ultimately, while treatment options exist, they require considerable effort from the narcissist, and reality suggests significant change is challenging to achieve.
Is There Any Reason To Stay With A Narcissist?
Staying in a relationship with a narcissist can be influenced by love, financial dependency, or a desire to maintain family unity. However, this choice often negatively impacts one's mental and emotional health. Many people cling to their relationships due to positive qualities such as persistence and forgiveness, which, in typical situations, would be seen as admirable. Still, these strengths can lead to emotional turmoil when coupled with a narcissistic partner.
Individuals may feel trapped, believing they cannot do better due to low self-worth or emotional attachment. Common motivations for remaining in such toxic relationships include shared responsibilities like children, financial ties, and a deep hope for change. The psychological trauma inflicted by narcissists—who oscillate between self-aggrandizement and shame—complicates the decision to leave. Many don’t recognize or accept their partner's narcissistic traits, which adds to their struggle.
It’s crucial for those in these situations to identify and understand the dynamics at play, such as manipulation and emotional dependency. Establishing boundaries and seeking support can be essential in navigating these relationships. Ultimately, recognizing the draining nature of interactions with a narcissist and understanding personal motivations for staying is vital for mental well-being.
Will A Narcissist Go To Couples Counseling?
Pathological narcissists often agree to marriage therapy for ulterior motives. Typically, they seek affirmation from therapists to solidify their gaslighting tactics, portraying their partner as the issue instead of themselves. A narcissist's attendance at couples counseling usually serves their agenda—to show commitment, shift blame, regain control, or validate their distorted reality. It's generally not advisable to pursue couples therapy with an untreated narcissist due to their reluctance to recognize their contribution to marital issues.
While they may agree to counseling, their intent is seldom genuine; rather, it's often to manipulate or further exacerbate existing problems. Individual therapy for the partner can be beneficial, helping them rebuild self-esteem and navigate the complexities of a relationship with a narcissist. When attending couples therapy, narcissists can weaponize the process—using charm and manipulation to control interactions, sometimes even winning over the therapist.
Consequently, therapy can become a platform for further gaslighting, hindering genuine improvement. Therefore, caution is advised, and exploring individual counseling alongside couples therapy may provide a more holistic approach to addressing the challenges posed by a narcissistic partner.
Why Do Narcissists Avoid Therapy?
Narcissists often believe they do not need therapy due to their inflated sense of self-importance and superiority, viewing themselves as entitled to special treatment and admiration. This belief, rooted in a lack of empathy—both emotional and cognitive—contributes to their avoidance of psychotherapy. They rarely recognize their own problems, often blaming others instead. When therapy is considered, it’s typically to address external issues or to justify their victimhood rather than for genuine self-improvement.
Commonly, narcissists exhibit behaviors such as using the silent treatment, making therapy sessions challenging and unpredictable. Many therapists struggle to effectively recognize and treat narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) due to the absence of standardized treatment approaches. Additionally, the dynamics of narcissism, including denial, illusion of success, blame-shifting, and compliance, further complicate the therapeutic process.
Even if they attend therapy, progress is often hindered by the narcissist’s focus on maintaining their image rather than fostering mutual understanding and growth in relationships. As a result, narcissists comprise only a small percentage of therapy clients, and when they do seek help, it often does not lead to meaningful change.
What Kind Of Counseling Does A Narcissist Need?
Treatment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) primarily involves individual psychotherapy, particularly psychoanalytic therapy. Other therapeutic approaches include group, family, couples therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and short-term objective-focused psychotherapy. While many clients with NPD may not seek therapy, individual counseling proves critical for fostering new coping skills and enhancing interpersonal relationships.
Experts agree that therapy is most effective for increasing awareness of narcissistic behaviors and their effects on others. Issue-specific directive counseling is a specialized method important for addressing narcissism and emotional abuse. Narcissistic clients typically exhibit charming and articulate behavior, enabling therapists to identify them quickly. Although psychotherapy is preferred over medication for treating NPD, various methods exist to help clients improve their emotional regulation and empathy.
Therapy can also be beneficial for the loved ones of individuals with NPD, aiding them in processing their emotions and experiences. Overall, the development of healthier relationships and self-awareness is central to the therapeutic process for those with narcissistic traits.
When Should You Leave A Narcissistic Marriage?
Leaving a narcissist entails recognizing the toxicity of the relationship, which is vital for personal well-being. Acknowledgment of narcissistic abuse is often difficult, yet crucial; once identified, it signifies the need to move on for your safety and mental health. The period of departure can be perilous, as narcissists frequently shift blame onto others. Leaving a narcissistic marriage is complex but essential for regaining one’s life. It requires understanding underlying motivations and having a clear exit strategy.
Safety must be prioritized, along with gathering a support network. Trusting your instincts is critical during this process. Successful exits involve no contact with the narcissist, blocking their communications, and setting firm boundaries. Recognizing patterns of emotional abuse and manipulation is also key to breaking free. Furthermore, the emotional and psychological toll of such relationships can make leaving challenging, yet essential for recovery. Engaging in therapy or seeking advice can provide the necessary tools to navigate this difficult transition, ultimately empowering individuals to reclaim their lives post-narcissism.
What Are The 5 Things To Never Do After Breaking Up With A Narcissist?
After breaking up with a narcissist, it's crucial to avoid specific actions to ensure your healing process. The five things to never do include: engaging in communication with your ex, as this can reopen wounds; stalking their social media, which can lead to obsessive thoughts; isolating yourself, as support from friends and family is vital; rushing into a new relationship, which can hinder emotional recovery; and neglecting professional help, which can provide necessary guidance.
These actions may seem harmless, but they can inadvertently help the narcissist regain control or prolong your suffering. To truly move on and protect yourself, it’s essential to embrace no contact, avoiding any form of interaction or social engagement with them. Recognizing the abusive tactics and lies that often accompany a narcissistic breakup is critical for your recovery. Ultimately, maintaining your well-being and rebuilding your life should take precedence after ending such a relationship. Remember, focusing on your healing journey will empower you to emerge stronger and more confident.
📹 Protecting yourself in couples therapy with a narcissist
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
I have been a ‘fixer’. I was in a difficult relationship that took me ten years of self-growth, after the breakup, to realize my job is to fix myself into a whole person. When I look at other people now, and see how broken they are, it takes a lot of restraint to keep my mouth shut, and my ears open.
After being let down & gaslighted so often by the Narcissists in my large family I had to go no contact with many. Others have simply forgotten me after believing I am the problem. I would be completely alone if it wasn’t for two friends. They have seen & heard my pain. They never try to fix it but will listen when I hit the wall. They invite me over for coffee in the morning, include me in their family gatherings & invite me to dinners out. Sometimes I believe they are the only family I have. I could not be more grateful.❤️🦋✌️
It took me over 30 years to realize my father is a narcissist (I’m 43) and I just realized 2 months ago that my mom (parents are still married) has no intentions on leaving and just wants to vent. Growing up in that environment led me to therapy just one year ago and it has opened my eyes to so many things. I was the one in the family who would always try to fix my dad because I didn’t understand narcissism and didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just “wake up” and start making changes. It’s because he can’t. After coming to the realization that I will never be able to do anything about it, I removed myself. I still speak to my parents but my conversations and visits to their home are very limited. I’d say the relationship is more superficial than anything else.
I remember I had friends in high school that got so frustrated about a friend in a bad relationship that they stopped being friends with the person. They didn’t understand and had the victim blaming thinking. Basically, they said it’s either him or us. But this was sad because if someone is in a bad relationship I think they need all the friends they can get.
The best things my friends did for me when I was still in it were to listen and dispute the nasty crap I was being told about myself, check in when I was hiding, and silently keep track of all the manipulation and discrediting (of me) they witnessed when I was out of the room. It still means the world to me.
While I was in the n-relationships, I did not have the emotional vocabulary. I didn’t even know I was being abused. I felt guilty telling my experiences to anyone, for fear of being judged. Learning the vocabulary helped me validate myself. Learning to label the behaviour helped. So I taught the vocabulary to 2 other women, and helped them too. It’s very important to be non-judgemental.
This is the BEST advice! I have endured many horrible comments from people who have no idea of what it is like to be involved in a narcissistic relationship. I actually felt like I was being punished if I didn’t follow their advice. A friend told me she would not talk to me if I continued in the relationship . So by trying to ” fix it” you may very likely make it worse. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
I think what’s hard when it is a family or intimate relationship is feeling isolated because I know I can’t fix anything. I know none of them are on my side and it sucks being alone. I do have friends but everyone has their own lives to worry about, so it is just getting through being on my own which I believe a lot of people feel.
The fix-it people often don’t realize that, by asking the victim if they’re “sure” that the abuse is/was taking place, followed up by asking the victim tons more questions, to try to get the victim “verify” or “prove” it, feels a lot more like the gaslighting & crazy making that the abuser did to them, as well. As narcissistic abuse victims, we’ve already gone through way too much of that; & you could make the victim shut down & not trust them. We already have issues, like the actual need to be heard & understood & believed.
“Dr. Ramani has spoken to you DIRECTLY in today’s article!!” – my boyfriend, 2 seconds ago Edit: Ok, no fixing. I was already just trying to listen and validate my friend’s reality. But what do I do if…..I don’t really like her anymore. She changed so much since she started dating him. I don’t recognize her anymore. She enables him so much….I feel sick to my stomach just perusal it. What she’s saying about him also contradicts so much with what my eyes are seeing. It triggers the self-doubt and rumination I have leftover after a childhood filled with gaslighting. That’s not her fault, of course, but for once….I chose to put myself first and cut her out. She won’t let him go, so I figured…..I might as well save one of us. Told her I will always be there for her, told her I can help if she’ll need help, told her I loved her….but I couldn’t take….all the stuff that she was doing anymore. Now….I’m hearing people talk about them. Apparently they’re “that couple” in their university. I worry about her so much, but….idk how to just listen to her without harming myself.
I totally relate with your dating point of view during the healing period. My friends are pushing me to go out and meet people but I listen to myself and know I need my time, my energy, gain back my confidence, my wants/needs and understand myself more and recover from this 2 years of abuse. Its been 4 months and i feel better and im proud of the little steps and I like this period of my life. Thank you Dr Ramani for pointing out this! You always have the best lines. really THANK YOU!!
Once the relationship has reached the point of one person having to just walk away and abandon all hope, it’s already broken beyond repair. Get that into your head. Trying to convince the victim to keep trying is wrongfully putting the burden of ‘fixing it’ on them, not on the person who broke it in the first place. They don’t need any more guilt trips laid on them! They need support and reassurance, not someone questioning their decision to leave.
This is so true. I went through this with an my toxic family and an older family friend (who’s my mother’s friend). After so many times (and decades) trying to mend and reconcile, I decided that this situation was unhealthy and that it was best to walk away. Afterwards, the family friend came and talked to me to try to understand my reasons for doing (trying to help) so which I did extensively on múltiple occasions (in fact there were times that I took several hours doing so). After so many tries I ended up cutting this person off too because they turned into the flying monkey and would go back and report everything to my mother on top of trying to sneakily set up “reconciliation situations” after I’ve explicitly made my stance and desires known many times.
Thanks for this! I was just talking to my husband about this! A friend tried to have me move in with his family when I was in my early 20’s to get away from my family. Ultimately, he was right. I needed to get away and cut contact. I couldn’t do it at the time. The cultural pressure and desire to protect my younger siblings were too strong. I had screamed to a parent that I needed help (psychological) and was experiencing some suicidal ideation (something I’ve never shared before). It fell on deaf ears and eyes. I’ve been struggling to process estrangement from a majority of my extended family (less than a year ago & about 2 years ago). It’s difficult for me to form deep friendships at the moment because I don’t want to push people away who want to fix things. It’s a more lonely process because of people’s seemingly good intentions
Yes!!!! Thankyou so much for bringing this up! Many people who I know mean well for me have lectured me /given unsolicited advices on how to “fix” things making me feel worse. In those moments i have felt as though they know my relationship better than I do. And like you correctly said, by the time the victim starts to share what’s been going on,they have most likely tried EVERYTHING they can possibly think of,to “fix” things. The unsolicited advices are invalidating and beyond hurtful!
I spent the last two years learning about narcissism and what it did to me, my family, and my friends. When I started I was so excited to finally be able to explain myself and everyone else behavior and I thought that now that I finally know what happened it can be fixed. But the more I learned to more I realized that it’s not a disease or something that can be cured – it’s the result of decades of growing and internalizing bad patterns which result in a personality style that makes the person. It can’t be changed any more than an adult man can suddenly grow wings and learn to fly. But I can remember that feeling that the more I know – the more I wished I hadn’t known. Those realizations made me more depressed every coming day. It’s hard to see people close to you suffer and cause so much pain to each other without being even able to talk about it to anyone. You just have to bear witness to cruelty and suffer in silence. You have to cut some parts of yourself just to remain sane. It’s part of the reason I was too afraid of making any real connection again – the thought that almost everyone exists in similar existential pain (even if they are not consciously aware of it) is too much for me to handle. I don’t know how you can as a psychologist do what you do for so long. You are clearly much stronger than me. Thank you.
Thank you for this clear, concise, no BS description of supporting a person experiencing narc abuse Dr. Ramani. I truly can’t explain how grateful I am for all of the phenomenal education that you provide. I was born into a narc family as the scapegoat, and the only daughter with 3 brothers. I’m just NOW- in my 40’s, learning the true depths of what I had experienced my whole life… AND I am just NOW able to specifically identify, recognize & take steps to rewrite my own internal negative dialogues. I am NOW able to rewire the self-destructive patterns that I had been repeating unknowingly throughout my life. I am SO HAPPY that you addressed steering away from “Love Guru Coaches” & the current trend of healing EVERYTHING with “love”. Yes, we’d all love to believe it’s that simple, I for one wish it were…but the reality IS when dealing with an individual who is incapable of empathy, “love” is misconstrued into a tormented power play and never-ending quest for solution & serenity, which is a fruitless battle. My feeling is that being with a narc is not actually even in a relationship at all, but a torture chamber. It’s a tough pill to swallow realizing that you were in a psychological warfare with your partner & you never even knew that you were in a fight for your life! I can not thank you enough for sharing your incredible knowledge & insight with all of us Dr. Ramani. God bless you!!!😊🙏💜
You are so right Dr. Ramani. I feel for my mom having to deal with my dad. I don’t try to fix it, I know I can’t, sadly. Instead, I have educated my mom on narcissism and how to deal with it, use the deep technique, etc. I validate her, listen to her, support her, and understand how hard it is. I empathize 100%💔 Thank you Dr. Ramani, this is very much helpful💖
I tried to fix it for my mom, living with my narcissist dad, for as long as I can remember. A lost cause indeed. I left home when I was 18, but kept in contact for the sake of my mom. I was the black sheep, always felt something was not right and acted on it. It ruined a big part of my adult life. At almost 60 years old, I’m slowly recovering. If only I would have had a doctor Ramani in my life sooner…Thank you doctor Ramani!
Many narcissistic people I had in my life and went through a painful narcissistic relationship. This is more than three years ago now. I worked through my stuff, feel stable and happy now, and started to study art therapy and consultant for psychotherapy. And yes.. narcissistic abuse seems to be everywhere. Many friends are turning to me seeking an ear and advice. I can share with them what helped me, try to strengthen their trust in themselves. But every time it’s so hard for me to see them suffering because someone took so much of their energy away. Knowing I can not really do anything. Being entangled in a narcissistic relationship imo is like a drug. To step outside YOU must decide and really want it. YOU must deal with the consequences, YOU must stick through with it. No one can take that from another. But from my own experience, I also know: We need people. We need allies, supporters, listeners, understanders, lovers, feelers. Reminders of who we really are. People who truly want our best. Respecting what is theirs and what is yours. While also protecting their limits of exposal to this topic. It’s not easy sometimes. That’s what I focus on.
You are so right, Dr. Ramani👍. I’m someone who often feels that I need to be a fixer for someone in a troublesome situation. But I’ve learned with time that sometimes fixing someone’s problems, especially when it comes to their relationships, can actually do more harm than good. As an advocate, it’s tough to resist the urge to fix people’s problems, but I’m learning that it’s often best to be emotional present and supportive of that person and simply listen to them without offering any tips or suggestions, unless they ask for them, of course😉. But even then, I have to present my advice in an objective fashion, so they don’t feel pressured to do anything unless they want to.
My friends just did this exact thing, they were just there for me and gave me support and a little encouragement to leave. A couple of them hounded me to go and it tested my friendship with a couple of them. In the end my friends stuck by me and a couple of them surprised me by really showing up when I needed someone. I now thank all of them for being there and getting me through a very tough time. It been almost a year since I left and I DO NOT REGRET IT AT ALL!! I actually thought I would really regret leaving.
Speaking from just my own experience, I just needed to come to the conclusion that 99% of people aren’t equipped to advise me on the topic. I had to understand, in trial by fire, that most peoples points of reference are that relationships with unsolvable problems, even with a pretty high divorce rate out there and particularly with narcissistic family members, are viewed as something you continuously try to fix — until you are dead. That people will watch you be unsuccessful at it, heap the entirety of responsibility on you, blame you when it doesn’t work out and blame you, if you leave. If you are in any amount of contact with those people later, they’ll blame you after no contact. You won’t win, which is why it’s usually equally important to let them go, as well. Because, even if you continue a relationship with them, you will see that glimmer of judgement in their eyes, long after and that’s because they may forever feel that you are the one who needs to be fixed.
At my workplace, I’m the scapegoat of an extremely narcissistic head of HR. Colleagues seem happy it’s not them getting the narc’s wrath, and participate in the scapegoating and gaslighting, or just ignore it. Fortunately a therapist was quick to assert that the situation was narcissism and could not be shifted. Came across this website soon afterwards, which has been wonderful.
Thank you for this. It’s so hard knowing that the narcissist can’t be fixed, but I’m getting to the point where I don’t feel so bad for her anymore. At least it’s better each day, even if I’ve only been free a couple of weeks after 6 years of gaslighting and lies. Started mentally detaching 2 months ago, so that definitely helped.
Thanks for addressing the intervention issue. You’re right, so many reality shows have interventions and present them as an aggressive quick fix. But in real reality I think they would just overwhelm and embarrass a person who may not be ready to get out of the relationship, and may drive them away from their true friends and family even more. I agree, the best thing is to listen, be patient, and be a good friend one-on-one.
💯 Thank you. I couldn’t agree more. Until someone has lived through the reality of the issue involved in the incapacity for empathy, it’s difficult for the person to understand why what you’re saying is absolutely correct. Once someone has lived years walking through the difficult realities of such a situation, and has educated himself or herself on the various true physiological disorders involved with incapacity for empathy, it’s easier to understand why you are exactly correct in this article. The incapacity of empathy is a true physical disorder. Counseling won’t restore that physiological disorder. Actions of anyone else will not change that incapacity for empathy no matter how hard someone else tries. Those who have chosen to remain with the person who has no capacity for empathy have a very difficult life dealing with a truly mentally handicapped individual. That handicapped individual oftentimes seems perfectly normal and nice to others, especially the individual who is a covert narcissist. Many people want to help fix things for others. You are absolutely correct in the impossibility to help fix the situation. It’s so important for people to understand. Thank you so very much for being at least one person who actually understands. You are completely correct.
There is no way you can help a victim of a Narcissist. MY friends tried everything with me to no avail. I had to do this on my own, not even realizing he was a narc. Therapy and articles helped me so much. I love your articles, even though my relationship was over years ago. You do a great job. Thank you again!
This reminds me of how hard I’ve tried with my partner. At first I thought it was a communication problem because we argued a lot and we didn’t agree, none of that worked, she didn’t even look at the pages I showed him. what little she saw afterwards was to be used against me. In the end, couples therapy also became a weapon to make me look like a bad person. Not even showing her a article of these was enough to see that there was something wrong with her behavior, she reacted by attacking. I don’t know how not to have arguments with her at this point.
Just so you know Dr ramani I left my narcissist, I changed my phone number email addresses everything and I still have in the same place but I have at least until April trying to get out of it so I can move, I finally got the courage to leave her and the crazy thing is I’m not hurting I’m not missing her I feel like I was at my wit’s end with her and that’s why there’s no love or anything so thank you for your articles there are really encouraging
Absolutely perfect timing, as one of my neighbors has been in a narcissistic relationship for 10 years now…She is having big health problems and he is kicking her while she is down. Her family is useless, (which is how she ended up with him. I know all about it, from a lifetime of this psychology myself.) She is hinting constantly about needing money, (which her “partner” has, but withholds.) I don’t have extra money to give. I have cooked and brought her lots of food, and I will listen to her… But I am facing my co-dependency now in real time. Such a reflection of my childhood with my narcisstic parents. By age 5 or 6, I already was trying to figure out how to “help ( save) my mother. Who was a narcissist herself, which I always sensed because of her lack of affection once I was no longer “cute,” and became a goofy looking adolescent.) But since our father was a tyrant, it was job #1 to survive him first. There is also karma being played out here…So I have to remember to challenge the “victim state of consciousness.” I am still trying and I am in my 60’s.
You are by far the best therapist out there on the Internet! I am only saying this because it’s true. You are talking directly to the person and their experiences as if that person is your only client. That’s a gift you have that is exceedingly rare and it’s very empathetic,. Thank you! That in itself is very healing…
You are right Dr. Ramani. My brother is in a relationship with a malignant narcissist who has trauma bounded him so tightly to her that it is impossible to open his eyes. I tried to fix it, talking to him about trauma bounding, narcs, asking him to listen to your articles. Nothing works. She has managed to estrange him from his family and has damaged our formerly very close relationship. We were literally like two peas in a pod! Tragically, I need my brother because we are both taking care of my sick mother and I have to constantly pick up his slack and its draining on me financially and emotionally. I think that it would take Hercules or Atlas to break those trauma bounds, cause I can’t! You can even see the deterioration in my brother since he started this relationship, so its not just my mother and I that are being hurt.
Ur so right in saying that a person in a Narcisstic relationship have tried everything and more and gaslighted themselves a million times, and the confusion, thank u for Ur sharing Ur wisdom and knowledge, hopefully it finally get through to us, who is N process of addressing this unrealistic situation.
I don’t always have something witty nor profound to say about your articles. But I hope you know, I absorb everything I can. I’m not gonnna lie – I’ve had too many dreams that I missed my flight, I am not ready for my finals test, I can’t stop pushing the accelerator, can’t avoid death in a article game, am under arrest, am really helping Emperor Palpatine, can’t find the exit, can’t help my cat, am stranded naked with no money, at work and can never finish, etc. If I ever can help somebody in a narcissistic relationship, I will try to give them any hope I can. From anything I have endured or anything I heard from you. From any ashes a Phoenix may rise.
The one with 5 children, No job, No parents. The people in my life saw him as perfect. I was always the problem. I finally left, only to let him back. At this point he was diagnosed with 3rd stage Lung cancer.He was given 5yrs to live. Those 5 yrs was like Torture. At the end of it all he didn’t Apologize. He gave me the silent treatment for 3days before he passed. This left me with a uneasy feeling that I still carry today. THANK YOU FOR YOUR articleS. YOU HAVE HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY!!!!
I am thankful for the 3 close female friends in my life that are great supporters of me and my desire to get out of my Narc marriage. Never once in 2 yrs have these women offered a “fix” or a book and a reason to stay. In fact, I now understand it when they say, “we want to see you happy and vibrant.” AND, until listening to this today, I thought I was supposed to talk myself into staying, that the last crumbs of any cordial interaction with him were a sign that I should stay. I will be house sitting for 15 days and going no contact. I am thankful that there is an option (frankly, one that has been screaming from my intuition) to not go back. Thanks so much!
My ex-husband was a covert narcissist and I was deceived for 20 years. When we divorced and I decided to focus on myself, it was a true rebirth. I’m very happy that I did. Looking back 32 years later, I don’t think another relationship would have given me the depth & growth, & understanding that I was able to achieve on my own after my divorce from a narcissist. Thank you,Dr Romni for your excellent advice.👍
I do agree with the advice in the article, but I will add, if I may: if you are someone going through a difficult time in life, whether it’s from narcissistic abuse or whatever it may be, please be careful about who you go to for comfort and emotional support. There are people pleasers and codependents out there who may never get the courage to lovingly let you know that while they are truly sorry for your heartache and distress, that they no longer want to be the primary or only person you go to for recurrent emotional support. It can be psychologically exhausting for people pleasers, codependents, and empathetic people to be the regular sounding board for hurting, angry, or frustrated people, as people pleasers and the like tend to be the “go to” person many hurting or angry people use for their source of venting, comfort, and reassurance, but these boundary-lacking individuals (the people pleasers, etc) will often be too afraid to be direct with you and let you know that while they are sorry for your misfortune that they also are worn out listening to your repeated complaints about the same problem you call or text them about every week or month. So please be sure that if you are seeking a sympathetic shoulder to cry on that you don’t rely on just one person for that purpose! Please spread it out to more than one trusted friend. That one friend or family member you may find yourself wanting to talk to about your problem, that one person who just listens and validates, who refrains from judging or advice-giving, just may be a people pleaser, and it will not be fair to them to keep using them as a sounding board all the time.
Education, empowerment and efficiency are the necessity for this dynamic. Demonstrate the necessary skills and knowledge of the situation. Allow the individual to see their values and encourage them to take a deep dive into their lives at their rate of speed and time. However don’t invest emotional responses to the challenge. This creates an unhealthy boundary for all involved.
I asked the Lord to Please Remove Both Narcissistic manipulators from mine and my children’s lives. Circumstances eventually resulted in just that . Same with my son’s covert narcissistic manipulator/Controller/Abuser . I prayed fervently for a safe legal escape for a little over 5 years until I had Finally Had Enough with his All Consuming Love Affair with Himself, Put My Foot Down, took my children, Walked Off his Property, called my Daughter for help getting out of town, she and one of her college mates picked us up, took us to a thrift store for emergency clothing, purchased us a Bus ticket Out of State. Once somebody sets their Will, Determines an Escape, There is No Looking Back, No going back.
I got out of one of these relationships about 4 and 1/2 years ago and have stayed single since to work on me. My best friend is in a narcissistic relationship that is far worse, a thousand percent worse, than the one I was in. The problem is she’s assimilated and is no longer the same person. So very sad to watch! They degrade each other They call each other name, they love bomb then ghost each other. It’s horrible to watch!!! I’ve said my peace and now I feel like all I should do is nod. They’re so on again off again in their trauma bond I don’t know if it will ever end. I’m just going to leave it alone. Thank you for this!!!! 💕
Your article made me think of the mediator trying to fix the dynamics🤦🏼♀️which I know already is a lost battle. He already told me i should not play games when i was trying to make my ex face the consequences of his own behavior..(having negative impact on our kids wellbeing) asking for a small thing (taking responsibility for once) to prove his real interest in kids. To correct his own mistake…i felt like all the pain caused was dismissed in that moment…
Excellent advice. Best advice of all to opposite sex friends stuck in a narcissistic relationship to prevent them starting to get enmeshed into the situation while practising fuzzy boundaries which of course will only make matters worse for everyone. None of us are perfect and so keep a healthy distance.
heres what u do,when they start talking about the narcist relationship they are in,u tell them u dont like getting involved in other peoples personal life.when u do that here are the things u will probly see happen.many of them thrive off the drama and cant wait to tell someone.when u dont allow it they will move on from u.if not at least u want have to hear it so its all good for u either way.
Ironically, Dr. Ramani, the narcissist, my soon to be ex marital partner, has been nicknamed “the fixer” for a good portion of her life on this earth. She spent years trying to “fix” me and others, with “mixed” results and is completely incapable of fixing the damage she has inflicted upon me and others along the way. I have no interest in trying to be a “fixer” for her or to ever again or reconstruct or repair the damage she has done….that is over, thank God!!!!
Everybody gives advice to find a new partner thinking that will make the abuser jealous, unfortunately the advisers’ don’t understand the narc abuser hardly bothers about you. My abuser’s brother had given advice to me to find a new partner… I wonder how can people find it easy to replace a person u love 🤔 Dr. Ramani I fully agree with ur suggestion 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼❤
This is hard for me. My sibling is married to a narcissist. The narcissist has declared war on the women in my family. Of course you either take her side or are the enemy. My parents haven’t seen their grandchildren in years and have come to the realization the probably won’t live long enough to have the opportunity. All I want is for my brother to realize the way she treats people, EVERYONE, is wrong. Don’t try to change her just understand your situation. It’s no use. He defends her in ridiculous ways at every turn. It’s like he is brainwashed. Slowly I am coming to realize I can’t make a light go on in his head and we all have to learn to live with it.
Totally agree with Dr. R regarding seeing someone right away or even before divorce is final. That part about missing red flags!! Important!! We’re looking for something to give us those good feelings. Well, I thought the person I was seeing was my Happily ever after. Guess What!! NOPE. Red Flags were flying all over the place!! I mean FLYING! Big MISTAKE!
1. Don’t compare notes. “Y’know what MY husband did?!?!” No, no, no. Just listen. 2. Ask them what they need. Then DO IT. Babysit? Do it. Mow the lawn? Do it. Distract their in-laws? Do it. 3. I’ve had success with asking “What would you tell me to do if I were in your position?” (Or their best friend.) Changing places can make things easier. (Like ‘what kind of person does such-n-such?’ lets them describe themselves without admitting anything – under other circumstances.)
As a young child I remember the journey of being disgusted with my parent who has narcissistic traits! One min they were arguing with vehement rage against something… in another setting with in the same hour, they were again with passion, outrage and spit coming out of their mouth arguing against what they just said! What was really happening was validation seeking! Like they didn’t think their children saw it.. or these two people ever talk to each other? (in a town of 4,000 people) > ________ insert bad word! Go away hollow shell!
My grandma said, let them come to you. Today i dont feel like fixing my daughter. Her dad won like he wanted. My daughter is gone and so is my g son. If it doesnt upset me ill send my g son a gift. In the meantime im going to spend my time being slamming happy and spending my own money.the erronious zone guy said that revenge keeps you attached. I dont want to be attached to this horrible insulting monster that my daughter has become as sad as that sounds. Im not a saint but dont deserve this. I will always remember how she insulted my new car and my lawnmower. Weird. I am dodging a bullet at this point. That sounds sad and unusual. I tried everything so walking.
I know a way to fix it and it I working and helping every single person I advised it to: get them to subscribe to your website Dr. Ramini!!!! That way,they get to know, and like you once said, once you know you can’t un-know, so they understand, and that in itself is empowering, and they understand it is not them, but the narc problem, and they learn the deep technic and many other ways🙏🙏🙏 the only problem is that we get addicted to your calming and wise voice😊😊So thank you Dr.Ramini for all.
All I got was leave them,do this do that, even one saying go back. Say hell no! You need to find someone, what about children they’re the best thing and on and on. Think I have the wrong friends and it was fam who said go back! Made my head spin. No I didn’t go back, I didn’t get the new relationship or any of it. Good to see I made the right choices despite all the crap advise and lack of support or validation ✌
I think that just listening to someone who is the victim of this type of abuse is the best way to go. And if you have to give some kind of advice one should never devalue this person’s feelings. Or say that they are overreacting or too sensitive. However I feel that sometimes engaging is sometimes necessary and just listening is not always enough. in some cases I feel like I sat on the sidelines for too long. also sometimes in some cases its difficult to say if a person is truly narcissistic or not. i dealt with some people who were clearly narcissistic. But i also dealt with people who were little bit more like someone who always has to get their way than narcissistic. Also sometimes what they wanted was also what I wanted and I didn’t really know how to act in this situation. one thing that I find difficult is when you are stuck between two people who while not full blown narcissist have some narcissistic qualities and they go against each other and they both wish for you to take their side and if you take side of one the other has a problem with that. I tried to get them on the same page but found that you can’t get those people on same page and the best thing to do is frankly to let them destroy each other. as far as someone who is in narcissistic abuse situation what i think one should validate their feelings and acknowledge that they have the right to feel the way they do. if necessary physically protect them against their abuser.
At some point you feel foolish that you sought others, maybe one trusted friend or sister, to vent about something only you could change. Sometimes you sound like a broken record, the same hurts, insults and the misery. A consistent script of dysfunctional people. They listen patiently and compassionately because they are your confidant. They are horrified. You feel better and can face the day, they understand you. Then that confidant passes away. In your grief and lengthy bereavement you suddenly realize how much you depended on them. Then you realize how many years you shared, or burdened them, with the cruelty of your narc and the misery of your life. The realization that their patience and friendship inadvertently kept you in a terrible place. Because you are weak. You learned to tolerate abuse. Now you face the narc alone. You are in the pressure cooker alone. Unrelenting regret you wasted their time talking about evil, when they were the only bright spot in your life. Any number of reasons you stay. None are really very good. Just a sigh of relief when the narc leaves for the day and you have the peace and quiet to review your missed opportunities.
I am a survivor of a malignant narcissist and one of my good friends had a live in boyfriend that was a malignant narcissist. When she was recovering from something he did I would point out the similarities between my relationship and hers. She didn’t want to see it. How do you support when you see clearly what it is?
Narsisssist people learn to screen people from very early on, they know how to “operate” around the insecurities fears flaws hopes and dreams of the victim, in a manner that they will not be detected doing it . In their “screenign” they ostercise those out that would notice and fight against their “operations” ( scapegoat ), usually the victim is there exactly because he has the insecurities and flaws that the narcissit can take advance off . Also the victim is drawn to the N because he/she in the lovebombing comes out as a problem solver for the victim, the victim is fully in the feeling that the “epathic” n is on his side being there for him and his challences in live . And incrains this feeling that the n is in eweryway on his side even ging so far that the victim could actually defend the n because he/she seems to be the only one “understanding ” him, not realising it´s the cold empathy meny sociopathig inviduals are operating on.
I can understand people having to distance themselves because they know they cannot be the ones to fix it and maybe it hurts too much for them to continue hearing what goes on. However, being in one of these situations and having people basically cut you off from support, really freaking hurts. It only adds to the trauma and further makes you feel like you’re a problem and nobody wants to deal with you, so hey, you might as well stay with a narc. That’s just my perspective, but it honestly pisses me off seeing so many people say they get angry with victims/survivors for staying in relationships like that when they literally are not the person going through it. I had a friend who became cold to me because I “never followed her advice” regarding my relationship, and in a nutshell, she just made me feel really stupid for staying with someone I love and told me she had nothing else to say about it anymore (she seemed narcissistic herself, in other ways, however.) But I know she had/has no understanding of narcissism in itself – most people don’t, unfortunately – so she really doesn’t even understand trauma bonds or how strongly they affect you. Just hurts to go through something like this, and then wake up one day to realize you are totally isolated and nobody seems to even care about you anymore; they’re just tired of you. /endrant.
I struggle so much with this. My husbands ex wife is just off the charts narcissist. Fortunately all participate in therapy for co parenting. But as the current wife i so want to stand up for my husband, for the kids…. it’s awful. I can’t DO anything. Just watch the hell go down and tip toeing and manipulating, watch her teach the girls (esp) how to be…just…like…her. Helpless.
Big epiphany I had on this: I always assumed the Golden Rule meant I should help/warn/advise unsolicited or not, because I would have appreciated it. Wrong! Projecting my needs on anyone is toxic behavior on my part. Once I realized this, it has been much easier to accept people on their place on their journey, and to trust they’ll get help when they’re ready. If they don’t ask, I don’t advise….
I have tried to fix my narcissistic mum, as my sister is the only one still living there. My two brothers turned out pretty narcissistic. Especially my older one – really violent. I have tried everything I could for her not to give herself up. I know she has suffered through too much. But also she has played into it. It has been nothing but destruction since I can remember. I myself had developed a very codependend way. Went from one narcissistic abuse to the next one in trying to help the people. Didn’t want to give up. That was my mantra : “never give up. There ‘s always a way.” Until I killed myself. As I grew up with a mother, that always said it’s over, it’s over. I had been the fixer since I can think. And the caregiver. But doing that I myself died. Couldn’t be there for my sister anymore. I believe my mum was a codependend, ending up with a narcissist. And he took everything from her. She had nothing left. And we needed to move to our grandfather, who himself was a narcissist and the Main source of her trauma. My sister and brother grew up in hell. I had always been the happy one, the light one and the one responsible for justice. When I was still ok myself it was not the worst role and I think it was helpful. Oh man it’s just too bad. I don’t even wanna go on. I Will be happy if I am finnaly dead and on the light.
… as a German Biologist – all this profound excellent superbe advice all for FREE! Comes far too late – when Damage is done – and may be irreparable for Life. I advocate personality training – before we meet Any Body! As a RADAR to spot the vampyre, predator, slave owner, sadist, abuser. An emotional Immunity to sense the hidden signals- like any wild animal does. The Business market on Prevention is infinitely larger than “Therapy” – as Monsters are breeding ever faster… and learn how to sense the right comrade for Life – who embraces Family and well being…
A little unrelated, but feedback from commenters would be appreciated. I was misdiagnosed with BPD in October, but this week was rediagnosed with C-PTSD from narcissistic abuse. Like, actually told by a psychologist that it was from childhood and adult emotional abuse. I am no-contact with my family except for my parents, who while narcissistic, were incredibly supportive during those four months of my BPD diagnosis. After learning of my new assessment, they referred to the doctor as a quack and are claiming I’m schizophrenic. I felt so stupid for gaslighting myself and letting them in again. Misdiagnosis does happen and I don’t blame the doctor who said I had BPD, but I do blame my parents, who only showed me brief respite from their behaviour when they could use me as a further scapegoat by proxy of a behavioural disorder. Now that my illness is on their shoulders again, they want to cast me to the wolves. I’m going no-contact with them again, and feel incredibly validated and relieved that I don’t have BPD, but frightened and reaffirmed that the slightest bit of truth and responsibility pointed their way is like splashing holy water on a possessed person.
My wife’s daughter is in a bad relationship. I recognize the signs and red flagged many of her statements. She was venting her frustrations and her spouse reminds me of my X. This was most disturbing. I understand what needs to happen. She needs help to free herself from this monster. I can see the ravaging signs of the abuse she is going through. I also realize that she must be the one to do it. Other than, encouragement, support, and a strong shoulder to cry on, is there anything I can do to help?
I just got a phone call from a Mediator hired by my ex. I feel like he paid him to do the “dirty” work for him. Since there was no need. An agreement is in place (visitation rights) already but my ex would of course not follow and fabricate problems instead. I just realised the mediator has no idea what he signed up for…. i guess many are not educated in malignant level/narcissism. I am naturally expecting moving targets, next gaslighting etc., his way or high way…. i was already told not to have such high expectations (which i believe were my boundaries)….
Supporters need to do more than just listen. Sometimes we need company for court, help sorting through papers, just another head because two heads are better than one. Don’t try to have sex with them they’re vulnerable. My “supporters” keep telling me to fix it but offer no help at all. I have no resources.
Agree but my fear is that there is now resentment from my friend even envy that I refuse to be in a abusive relationship myself. Our lives are completely opposite now And I could be wrong but in my experience that can cause friction Especially if she decides to stay in the relationship. I just found out that her husband has been using my name, saying ” you need to be more like her” I feel like he’s purposely trying to pin her against me. So far I think it’s best if I distance myself I want to support her but the 2 am phone calls when I’ve spent 10 years getting out of an abusive relationship is probably harmful to my own mental health especially for her to stay in it.
I just had to cut my losses with my narc ex and realize I’m never going to get my stuff back. He refused to give it to me and he has a bunch of guns at his trailer so I am NOT going over there. This man couldn’t take me anywhere always called me names told me how I made him not want a gf, but brought me to his fam Christmas dinner, but can buy himself a $1500 gun. I just had to realize he’ll never change and to give up all hope. It’s sad because he’s so handsome and smart but he has a dark side he refuses to get help for and blames others, like me, who was trying to fix him while he broke me.
I get the wisdom of not trying to fix someone else’s situation. But I still have a related question – What do you do when you see that someone you care about is in a narcissistic relationship, and they don’t know anything about narcissism? I want to point out my observations and give them enough information to educate themselves. Is there any reason to not do this?
İ have a friend in a narcissistic relationship but tbh, she’s happy! The guy isn’t that bad; he’s a communal narcissist and she’s an earth sign so luckily she doesn’t doubt herself that easily! 😃 İf that makes any sense! I would’ve told her if she was miserable but she’s actually happy and he’s his best self with her soooo no problems!
I really struggle emotionally with supporting people who absolutely refuse to leave. I get really frustrated with them. Not so much when they are in a situation that really is nearly impossible to leave, but when they really think they can figure out how to fix it themselves. I think to me, the possibility of the abuse becoming dangerous to them or their children never seems far enough away to stay in the situation. What I find so weird about this struggle is that… I wasn’t any different. I stayed with the abuser too long. I ignored too many warning signs. I forgave too quickly and blamed myself too much. I was NO different. So it isn’t like I don’t have an understanding of how and why they are stuck. Maybe I’m just a bad friend…?
I have a friend that I get intimate with sometimes. We know each other for 17 years. And he is a suvaivor of abuse. For me he means a lot. Intimicy for two of us is like natural. Huging each other and perusal movies is like a freedom and peace all at once. There is nothing like it. But after everything we survived we are afraid of relationship. I really don’t know are we wrong with ours intimicy because for me it is not been a year?
What’s the difference between being a supportive friend of a victim and an enabler. I have a dear friend who is with a violent man and I don’t want to support their ‘partnership’ because it’s terrible… trauma bonding! How do I stand by her and not validate her choice of her partner? It’s almost easier to move away from her but she is a really great person.
With my friend, I’ve noticed it’s best not to tell her or “encourage” her to “move on, or things will get better, or things could be worse, or I know a support group” I just try to be a stable relationship with her, we talk about life and work and try to make plans, not necessarily following through, I try to manage myself so she has someone she can turn to if she needs to cry, or vent, or just hang out and watch a sappy romance, she can lay in my lap, put her head on my shoulders, and I’m just gonna hold her and tell her I’m there and I’m not going to leave her and validate her feelings, I give examples that match the degree of I have any to show I can understand completely while not supercedes her situation. I allow her space to express and feel and just be. If one does not love themselves that is an endless void. It has to start with you. I agree with the amazing Dr Ramani and her team that 1 year is a good buffering for the endurance of the abuse before actively engaging in any romantic inclinations or consideration. That’s why there’s masturbating. It’s the safest form of sex one can have.
This is very valuable and interesting!! Please create more articles on this important theme. How can we relatives and friends best communicate with codependents living in narcissistic relationships? As a father to a daughter who is in such a relationship, it is very painful and frustrating to have no contact with her since 12 years. What can one do?
So here’s a pickle. I had a best friend for over 10 years. She fell in love with a narc. He left his wife and kids for her (the wife was glad, red flag), moved into her house within 2 weeks. Within 3 weeks they were engaged, within 6 months she was pregnant ( she had always known she didn’t want kids), married after 1 year. Having been raised by 2 narc parents and after having numerous relationships with narcs, I saw the signs and tried to tell her. She was always extremely strong minded, never backed down from a fight. In that year she became silent. When I called him out on his behaviour and inappropriate comments and accusations, he started screaming at me (typical) and she always pretended like it wasn’t all that bad and said I didn’t know what he was like when they were alone, I didn’t ‘get’ their love. He is a tattoo artist, that’s how they met. At the beginning she had a few tattoos, after 8 months she was covered in them. He was literally signing his work. Every time she was alone with me somewhere, he would call or text and make her come home. Every time I saw a red flag, I spoke to her about it. She knew my history, she actually saved me from my parents. She didn’t want to listen. He then ofcourse wanted me away from her so he started bad mouthing me, twisting everything around, he started stalking me and using her phone to start an argument but I could always tell it was him pretending to be her. I KNOW her. We lived together for years. He made us drift apart and I was kinda mad at her for allowing it.
Well the problem is, many people Don’t know about npd and what a narcissistic relationship is really like/about. So maybe they try to fix something they believe can be fixed. Sometimes it’s also a matter of social/cultural/religious background. Yes, Those people practically enable narcs and perpetuate abuse but they do it without fully understanding. It’s the same with the victims. You don’t know and you go seek advice from your friend that also doesn’t know. Hell, I’m 40 and if it hadn’t been for my case, I wouldn’t have ever thought those people exist.
I’ve been trying to fix it for 13 years. and I have destroyed myself. have one question … regarding the psychosomatic symptoms. Almost a year has passed and I still have them. stomach problems, heart problems with breathing vomiting when I am nervous (I have been to the doctors .. the diagnosis is always the same .. stress) or .. dyeing my hair often in different colors🤦♀️, once I want to be a brunette, then a blonde. it drives me crazy.I want to be normal again. like 13 years ago. 😥😥😥
WHAT do you do if you know of a Narcissist family that has young children ???? You KNOW those children will at LEAST be emotionally abused ????? How can a person walk away from children being abused ????? BUT IF you ‘try’ and warn the partner YOU WILL be painted as a villain or trouble maker etc etc etc ?????
Really, this can be complex. A friend of mine, who can be very outspoken, but in my experience, empathic has gotten complaints about harrassment, and following that exclusion. Actually, that is quite painful to watch. I, honestly don’t know what is the matter, My only impression is that the other side of the conflict is somewhat difficult to get, AND very softspoken. Both sides are people who are in sync with their values as far as my impression goes. Could it be a culture clash? The issue seems to be how internal problems are aired. I don’t know. Maybe I should just have kept quiet.
Nothing me and my family have done for my daughter and cretin ex is never validated. His parents are super manipulators as seen by how their spouses were treated. I was wallowing in the shit when like the apologizing visio i didnt want to believe my daughter could be a monster from getting qt a boys for being nasty to me, the honest one. They have gotten supply from hurting me. My ex taught her words to say to shut me down, she goes with it and im indifferent to it because its unhealthy behavior.
15 years. A couple days ago we see a couple’s therapist, but only because I finally had the strength to move out. Long story short, she finally admitted to everything, even nodding her head as I told the therapist I’m afraid of her pushing me down the stairs or grabbing a knife. So, none of that mattered, the therapist still suggested we try love language exercises. My wife has beaten me, lied, and taken all my hope away and I am supposed to let her touch me? No, just because I am a man doesn’t mean that I’m not afraid and weak. I’m a shell of a man, I guess. I’m no longer a man. Fuck your societal norms! I want to die.