Catholic marriage counseling is a proactive approach to help couples identify and address problematic patterns of behavior, emotional barriers, and unresolved conflicts. It teaches couples communication and relationship skills to deepen intimacy and resolve conflicts in a healthy way. Dioceses and parishes offer marriage preparation programs to help couples develop a better understanding of the sacrament, evaluate their readiness to live married life, and gain insights into themselves as individuals and as a couple.
Catholic marriage counseling is based on Catholic teachings and values, and is conducted by a priest. The Church views the sacrament of marriage as a sacred bond intended to reflect Trinitarian love. The counseling approach is empirically based and focuses on emotional healing.
In the Catholic Church, couples do not partake in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony with popular secular “wisdom”. A well-formed Catholic marriage counselor can aid in conflict resolution, improving communication, and strengthening the bond. For couples interested in trying out counseling, the Popcaks advise that Catholics seek out a therapist who shares their values.
Pre-marital counseling, usually six sessions over a number of months, is offered by the priest and sometimes a married couple who attends the FOCCUS. A well-formed Catholic marriage counselor will give couples tools to overcome the challenges they are facing presently. They also deliver relationship counseling through one or more 50-minute sessions delivered by the same counsellor every week. They are confidential within the limits.
The Diocese has established a Marriage Counselling Service specifically for Catholic couples in the Diocese who may require couples counseling. This service is for couples who may benefit from the guidance provided by the Roman Catholic Church. Pre-Cana is a tool by which the Roman Catholic Church offers engaged couples lessons on spirituality while providing partners with practical skills. The counselling clinic offers free of charge help with problems related to marriage, family, and child-rearing.
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What is the purpose of marriage counseling in the Catholic … | This is pre-marital counseling, usually 6 sessions over a number of months, where the priest and sometimes a married couple who attends the … | quora.com |
When is the right time to seek out Catholic marriage … | For couples interested in trying out counseling, the Popcaks advise that Catholics seek out a therapist who shares their values. “Every … | catholicnewsagency.com |
What exactly does the year of wedding counseling before a … | FOCCUS will be your 1-on-1 counseling with the local priest, and you’ll individually answer a questionnaire about hot-button issues that newlyweds will likely … | reddit.com |
📹 Why Marriage Is NOT a Contract (It’s a Covenant)
For the past 50 years the institution of marriage has been under attack. More and more couples are choosing not to get married …
Why Should You Consider Marriage Counseling?
All marriages face conflicts, poor communication, and various challenges, such as financial issues, parenting struggles, life transitions, or substance abuse. Marriage counseling, or couples therapy, focuses on helping partners enhance communication skills and resolve conflicts effectively, ultimately deepening their emotional connection. Common approaches include the Gottman Method, which emphasizes problem-solving tools and intimacy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
Counseling offers a neutral environment for couples to address issues like growing apart or feeling unsatisfied. It is a beneficial resource for those on the verge of separation or couples looking to strengthen their bond. Through therapy, couples can learn conflict resolution skills, improve understanding and empathy, and restore emotional intimacy by addressing individual needs. As a result, marriage counseling fosters healthier relationships by teaching effective communication, rebuilding trust, and preventing future problems.
Signs suggesting the need for professional help include frequent arguments, ineffective communication, or emotional withdrawal. Couples facing life transitions, or feeling dissatisfied, may greatly benefit from counseling, which supports collaborative problem-solving and mutual understanding. Ultimately, marriage counseling serves as an effective avenue for couples to navigate challenges and enhance their relationships.
How Can Catholic Marriage Counseling Help?
Catholic marriage counseling serves as a vital resource for couples seeking to enhance their relationship and address conflicts. It equips partners with effective conflict-resolution skills, fostering respectful and constructive communication. Intimacy, a crucial aspect of marriage, can wane over time, making counseling essential both for those facing challenges and for couples looking to deepen their bond. The U. S.
Catholic Bishops advocate various resources, including skill-building programs, support groups, and professional counseling. If you find yourself questioning the need for counseling, it’s likely that you could benefit from it.
Further, dioceses and parishes provide marriage preparation to help couples assess their readiness and understanding of the sacrament. Programs like RESTORE offer flexibility tailored to parishioner needs. The Institute for Marital Healing employs a blend of Catholic teachings and empirically supported psychological techniques to address marital conflicts, especially anger. Couples are encouraged to seek therapists aligned with their values. Personal prayer and devotional practices support marital discernment.
Additionally, programs like Retrouvaille assist couples experiencing difficulties, emphasizing the Church's commitment to enduring, transformative marital support. Through counseling, couples can strengthen their relationship, communicate better, and cultivate a lasting commitment to each other.
What Is A Catholic Marriage Policy?
The Catholic Church's marriage policy focuses on strengthening the institution of marriage through effective preparation, pastoral care, and celebration. Dioceses are encouraged to educate couples on the theological foundations of marriage and to support them in making informed commitments. Canon law governs marriages involving Catholics, obligating them to marry within the Church, following its prescribed rites.
Key elements for a valid Catholic marriage include: the spouses being free to marry, their mutual consent, the intention to be faithful and open to children, and adherence to the canonical form during consent exchange. The policy aims to ensure couples are prepared for the lifelong commitment of marriage.
Civil marriage ceremonies do not equate to sacramental matrimony for Catholics, except under certain conditions. It is essential for couples to receive appropriate guidance and instruction to uphold the dignity of marriage within the Church. Typically, Catholic weddings occur within the parish community, and ceremonies between Catholics and non-Catholics are also held in a Catholic church, often with permission from the pastor.
The marriage should ideally take place before the altar, preferably during a Nuptial Mass. The preparation process must assess the couple's capacity to marry, with a focus on ensuring they are free from impediments. Ultimately, the policy seeks to affirm marriage as a sacred covenant and a vocation, fortifying the personal and communal benefits it brings.
Is It Biblical To Have Marriage Counseling?
Christian marriage counseling is valuable for couples at all stages, from newlyweds to those married for many years. It emphasizes the importance of prioritizing Jesus in the relationship, as highlighted in Matthew. Biblical principles play a vital role in counseling, helping couples understand God's plan for marriage. Regular Bible reading together can strengthen the bond as the Word of God guides them through misconceptions and challenges in marriage.
Effective biblical counseling focuses on six key gospel themes, aiming for mutual health within the relationship. While no singular resource guarantees success, Christian counseling integrates therapeutic methods aligned with faith. Proverbs 12:15 and 24:6 remind us that wisdom is crucial, with God's guidance serving as the ultimate authority.
A married counseling team can exemplify healthy relationships, as indicated in 1 Corinthians 11:1, encouraging couples to model themselves after Christ. Furthermore, Ephesians 5:18 and 6:10-18 provide foundational principles for marriage.
Seeking counseling is particularly beneficial when couples encounter unresolved conflicts or when one partner becomes controlling while the other suppresses feelings. It’s essential to seek assistance early, especially when issues become severe.
Couples should remember that God is a source of support in their marriage. True love evolves through trust and mutual respect, rather than merely being an emotion. The effectiveness of counseling hinges on a focus on the gospel and reliance on biblical teachings, which ensures couples receive sound guidance in navigating their marital journey.
Do Catholics Recognize Non Catholic Marriage?
The Catholic Church views the marriage bond between non-Catholics as equally binding as that between Catholics. Marriages between non-Catholics are presumed valid until proven otherwise. There are two types of marriage in this context: natural (ordinary) marriage and supernatural (sacramental) marriage. Marriages between Catholics and most other Christians are considered sacraments, while those involving non-Christians are not. Catholics must follow the Church’s laws, meaning marriages outside the Church without proper dispensation are invalid.
For a Catholic to marry a baptized non-Catholic, permission must be obtained for what is termed a mixed marriage. While the Church permits Catholics to marry non-Catholics, it seeks to ensure that this does not pose a threat to the Catholic faith. When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic within the Church, a prenuptial declaration is required, and typically, the ceremony is not a Mass to avoid the issue of communion.
While marriages between two non-Catholics are valid if conducted outside the Church, only the sacrament is recognized if both parties are baptized Christians. Thus, while mixed marriages are acknowledged, they are not actively encouraged within the Catholic tradition.
What Is The Catholic Prayer For Marital Problems?
May our love and affections remain faithful, pure, and chaste. Dear Mother, be our refuge for both material and spiritual needs, interceding for our specific petitions. Our aim is to deepen our love and find true peace and joy, here and in Heaven. In times of marital strife, prayer can be invaluable; seeking the assistance of God and Mother Mary is essential. St. Raphael, intercede for our marriage, asking the Merciful Father for peace and reconciliation through Jesus Christ.
We turn to St. Thomas More and St. Joseph for support in resolving marital issues. Those contemplating divorce can find solace in prayers for healing, containing novenas that seek divine intervention to mend relationships. Asking St. Rita for perspective can help couples face challenges together. We also encourage using the Novena for Marriage to counteract negativity. Exploring feelings of happiness and purpose may shed light on underlying marital discontent.
It is crucial to remain faithful to God and ourselves, and to seek blessings on our journey. Lord, we thank You for the sacrament of marriage and ask for grace and wisdom in communication, steering clear of anger. May peace, joy, and sacrificial love renew our relationship and guide us towards the help we need. Amen.
What Does Catholic Premarital Counseling Look Like?
Topics explored in Catholic marriage preparation include family of origin, financial considerations, communication skills, career goals, conflict resolution, intimacy, and Natural Family Planning (NFP). According to the Roman Catholic Catechism, Christian spouses possess unique gifts for the community, emphasizing the importance of understanding these roles in a lifelong marriage. After contacting the parish, couples typically enroll in premarital counseling, which often consists of multiple sessions with a priest or deacon.
This counseling introduces expectations of Catholic marriage and may involve filling out prenup investigation forms. Pre-Cana is a key component of this preparation, offering couples practical marital advice and spiritual insights based on the wedding at Cana. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops highlights essential topics for discussion, such as spirituality, faith, and conflict resolution, helping couples to deepen their spiritual connection.
This counseling creates a safe space for addressing crucial issues like parenting, roles within marriage, and finances. Catholic premarital counseling incorporates therapeutic approaches and generally requires several sessions, forming a foundation for couples to discuss their future together. Various formats exist, including retreats and sponsor couples, ensuring couples are well-prepared for the realities of married life while complying with church requirements.
What Does The Catholic Church Offer To Couples In Troubled Marriages?
The Retrouvaille Program is designed for married couples experiencing challenges in their relationship. Originating from Catholic principles, it welcomes couples of all faiths or none, aiming to help restore their marriages and develop loving connections. St. John Paul II highlighted the importance of marriage in his 1981 apostolic exhortation, Familiaris Consortio, emphasizing the Church's role in supporting couples during difficult times. Addressing relationship problems promptly equips spouses with the skills necessary for building both a happy and holy marriage.
Couples are encouraged to seek help from pastors and diocesan resources, combining insights from their faith with psychological techniques. The Retrouvaille experience consists of a weekend retreat facilitated by married couples and a priest, focusing on strengthening marital bonds. The program offers hope for those feeling their marriage is faltering, emphasizing that separations or divorces should be approached with caution, particularly for those in abusive situations.
The Church's mission, reinforced by Pope Francis and recent synodal discussions, aims to prioritize marriage and family in its outreach efforts. Additionally, organizations like The Alexander House, founded in 1999, offer further support to couples using Catholic values to navigate their difficulties. Ultimately, Retrouvaille and similar programs provide vital assistance in fostering fidelity and resilience in troubled marriages.
What Invalidates A Marriage In The Catholic Church?
In the context of the Catholic Church, a marriage can be deemed invalid under several circumstances, including being forced into marriage, being deceived, intending contrary to God's law, or being psychologically incapable of fulfilling marital obligations. The Church has established processes for evaluating such cases, recognizing that certain serious impediments—like undisclosed medical conditions or pregnancies—can affect validity. The Church defines marriage sacramentally, emphasizing that valid marriages must be entered into by two consenting individuals.
Impotence—whether physical or psychological—prevents valid marital consummation and leads the Church to disallow such marriages. Despite assumptions, a marriage is initially considered valid until the Tribunal investigates and finds grounds for nullity. The Code of Canon Law identifies various impediments to marriage, which can invalidate an attempted union. Options for validating an invalid marriage include a convalidation ceremony or radical sanation.
An annulment serves as a means of exploring whether a marriage was truly valid from the start, emphasizing that it is not the same as divorce. The Church acknowledges that marriages can be invalid based on lack of capacity, consent, or adherence to sacramental principles, which must be assessed through careful examination.
What Percentage Of Marriages Survive After Counseling?
Couples therapy is generally beneficial, with 70-90% of couples reporting positive outcomes. Research indicates a success rate of about 70% for marriage counseling, as noted by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, with two-thirds of couples also experiencing overall physical well-being improvements. Notably, 66% of couples achieve enhancement within 20 sessions or fewer. However, some studies show that around 25% report their relationship worsens two years after therapy, with up to 38% experiencing significant dissatisfaction.
Approximately 70% of couples remain together post-counseling, indicating better relationships formed through mutual understanding. Though nearly half of married couples have sought counseling at some point, the median entry into therapy occurs four years into the relationship. The profession is predominantly female, with women constituting 75. 7% of marriage and family therapists in the U. S. Most couples engage therapy for varied reasons, including communication issues and infidelity recovery.
Despite a perceived divorce rate of about 40% after counseling, studies suggest that 50% of distressed couples improve significantly, maintaining satisfying marriages for over four years. Overall, about 98% of those surveyed report receiving good or excellent therapy, highlighting the effectiveness of couples counseling.
How Many Couples Are Married In The Catholic Church?
The Official Catholic Directory indicated a decline in Catholic marriages from 406, 908 in 1974 to 305, 385 in 1995, marking a 25% decrease. In 2014, there were 151, 364 marriages registered, with only 53% of first cohabiting unions resulting in marriage, and lower rates for subsequent cohabitations. The 2014 General Social Survey revealed that 53. 9% of adult Catholics were married, while 27. 7% had never married. Despite the Church's promotion of marriage, Catholic rates are comparable to the general population, with 90% of couples who married in the Church having met with a priest.
Between 1969 and 2019, marriage rates among Catholics fell by about 70%, despite an increase in the Catholic population. In 2014, the number of Catholic marriages was highlighted as 148, 134, with reduced numbers attributed to cultural shifts, including a rise in couples choosing non-Catholic officiants. Additionally, the percentage of Catholic-only marriages has risen, reaching 61% by 2021. Current statistics show that 68% of married Catholics were wed in the Church. The trend indicates that as Catholic marriages decrease, so do priestly ordinations, suggesting a broader cultural challenge for the Church.
What Does The Catholic Church Want In A Marriage?
The Catholic Church emphasizes the importance of a holy and happy marriage, where addressing issues as they arise fosters skills and virtues such as patience and forgiveness. Couples not married in a Catholic Church are encouraged to consult their pastor to prepare for a Catholic marriage, which is bound by Church law. It is essential for Catholics to marry within a church, as marriage is viewed as a sacrament, not merely a social contract. Marriages must adhere to canonical forms, ensuring recognition by the Church and the community.
Marriage introduces individuals into an ecclesial order, establishing rights and responsibilities towards each other and their future children. As a sacrament, holy matrimony represents a lifelong partnership between a man and woman, oriented towards mutual good and shared spirituality. Couples must prepare for their wedding by making vows before a priest or deacon, supported by two witnesses.
According to the Catechism, valid Catholic marriages require four conditions: the spouses’ freedom to marry, mutual consent without coercion, intention for lifelong commitment and fidelity, and compliance with the canonical forms of marriage. The sacrament symbolizes God's unwavering love and is reflective of the Trinity. Couples pledge complete devotion to one another, embodying love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Marriage, as designed by God, necessitates a commitment to total, faithful, and lifelong partnership. Couples in the Archdiocese receive guidance and instructions for planning their Catholic wedding.
📹 What’s a Valid Catholic #Marriage? #homilyhighlight #divinemercy #frchrisalar #catholic
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Thank you for another great article, Fr. Mike!! I love how you stressed FOREVER and not until death. My husband died unexpectedly last summer. I am in my early 50s, When we were married 31 years ago, I promised to love and honor him all the days of MY life. Marrying him was a risk, and sadly he was called home earlier than expected. I will spend the rest of my earthly life as a widow. Our covenant bond still has a purpose. We are still helping each other get to heaven. I pray for him many times a day, offer up my chastity and loneliness for him, and offer frequent communions and masses for him. I know he is praying for me as well. Not even death can break our covenant bond.
My husband and I have been together for 17 years, but only got married this January. It was only after our twins were born that we fully became catholics, and althought I’m extremely grateful for God’s patience and mercy towards us, I can’t help being a little sad over the fact we took so long to honor Him with our lives. Thank you, fr. Mike for your amazing work, and thank God for your life. 💛
So beautiful to watch, my relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can’t envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
After this morning’s Gospel reading (Matthew 5:17-37), I was glad to see this thumbnail reappear in my feed. On the drive to Mass, I was speculating with my wife as to whether our priest would read the abridged version, omitting verses 29-32, where Jesus specifically references illicit so-called remarriage. Thankfully, he read the entire passage, but I realize that there are a lot of irregular relationships these days (sadly, sometimes even in our parishes) and that some people might find it uncomfortable to have these relationships called to attention. I think the contract many people going into marriage have in mind is probably something like “I agree to stay with this person as long as s/he makes me happy.” I have many friends and relatives for whom it’s now too late, and I find it incredibly difficult to convince them to join the one true faith when they feel “my” God is unloving for being unwilling to forgive them a silly mistake from their youth and allow them to start over. My heart truly goes out to them. Ave Maria
On the flip side…if it’s just a “piece of paper”…what stops people stopping playing house if it’s so insignificant? There is No discernment & people’s sad relationships shows this. We are not told how intensely serious this choice is. What a travesty. Viva HOLY Matrimony! 📿🙏🏽✝️🕊😇✌🏽❤️🔥🕯💒⛪️🦨
I’m not Catholic and I’m divorced not dating anyone. I’m divorced from a man I was married to for twenty years. And he is a christian, firmly believed in no divorce. Yet we got divorced he married the love of his life his highschool sweetheart and she has been divorced more than twice. Father Mike I’m sorry I laughed out loud when I found out what he did in comparison what he talked about biblically. Lol. I respect what you’re saying father Mike. But also from my perspective having been through my experience going through that and then seeing my ex being completely hypocritical it changes my perspective about some things. Get what I’m saying. Much respect father Mike. You take care. And God bless.
Marriage is the only Sacrament where Gods grace flows through the couple and the priest / church are witnesses; however, if there is an impediment in either couple that blocks this Grace, the Sacrament did not occur and our Church can declare annulo after investigating the couples actions during courtship and on the marriage day. So many Catholics do not understand this. So many divorced Catholics don’t realize that dating or remarrying without going through the annulment process is adultery as our Church always defends the marriage bond as valid. That is why, if divorced, it’s always important to either A. Go through the annulment process. Or B. Live as a chaste, separated married person. Annulments are not automatic.
When I made my vows in ‘76 it was forever I then put up with him cheating on me and abuse for the next 26 years I did get a divorce and I’ve been remarried for 22 years to the most loving man who Adopted my children and also became a Catholic if our ex spouses die before us we will be free to have a Catholic blessing which would be wonderful. I’m doing the Bible in a year with you and the catechism in a year and am really enjoying it thank you
Have been married for 29 years next month and am in the process of joining the Catholic faith. The problem is that my wife was married and divorced before i met her . Had absolutely no clue that my one and only marriage to her made me an adulterer. The Church is working with me and i have been attending the RCIA meetings and have been to Mass twice. (Not partaking in the sacraments) I truly believe Jesus pointed me to the Catholic faith so I have put all of this in his hands. Ignorance is not bliss in this case.
A contract generally doesn’t mean that if one party doesn’t do what they’re supposed to do, the other side also doesn’t have to do what they’re supposed to do. A contract obligates both sides to fulfill what they agreed to and either side can take legal action to force the other comply or pay damages if they don’t.
Beautiful, Father Mike. I have an observation: There are several things in common between a contract and a covenant. Perhaps the most important of these is the decision to commit to the other person for the mutual good. In my opinion, those who do not want to sign a paper when getting married (according to natural law), do not recognize the relevance of society for that purpose, or do not have the firm intention of staying together for life. Lacking these, what does the distinction between pact and contract matter?
Thank you for talking about this. I feel like I’m the only one who gets this idea. My parents do not understand this at all. Actually, my whole side of the family doesn’t get it at all. I’m married now, and I love my husband, I’ve accepted his family as mine. But my family won’t view him as family. It’s made me see how the devil has a hold on my side so much. I’m happy God delivered me from that. It’s not love, it’s not what Jesus has in mind for us. And it bothers me sometimes but the last time it bothered me, a little voice popped up in my head and said to me, “listen to your Father who is in heaven instead of your parents who are only but flesh.” Boom. I try to remember that often now.
I’ve had this question in my mind forever. I’m Catholic. I was married in the Church. I firmly believe in the sanctity of Holy Matrimony. I hope this comes across the right way. The question is: Why does it matter what happens in a corporeal, legal sense? I’m not suggesting at all that we allow non-traditional marriage in the Church. But why does it matter to the Church how a person legally shares their rights, privileges and wealth with anyone? That “it’s not just a piece of paper”seems to work both ways. Meaning, creating a legal contract doesn’t really make it a marriage in God’s eyes no matter what someone wants to call it. Certainly, it’s not a marriage in the sense that we take it as Catholics. People can attach all the ceremony and significance they want to it. Bottom-line is that it’s just a legal contract with God’s blessing. Catholics should absolutely be married in the Church. I don’t know why any Catholic wouldn’t want it. But, non-believers do lots of stuff seemingly much more egregious.
Is the covenant marriage really worth keeping if staying in it causes you to sin? Causes you to be miserable? When the other person has resented your faith from b the beginning and lied about it? Has made disparaging remarks against it? When the other person asks you to prioritize them over following what your faith tells you to do? This covenant made before God that one cannot break is an offense to God if broken yet keeping it breaks your relationship with God, what then is the step in the right direction? When one is a believer, the other a non-believer?
Fr. Mike, could you do a article on whether it is ok for cultural celebrations to be held during mass? Recently at my parish, they celebrated the Chinese New Year festival during mass whereby the congregation bowed to honour their ancestors. There were Mandarin oranges and even joss sticks. Most traditional Catholics oppose these sort of cultural mass but I read that Vatican 2 permits it. What’s your take on this? Thanks and God bless.🙏🙏
Greetings Father Mike, Thoughts :- – Message reflects with Distinctive Insights on “Physical Commitment” and “Spiritual Attachment” in ‘HolyMarriage’. – ‘Chauvinism’ and ‘Feminism’ is Toxic in Every aspects. – Thanks for Valuable Insights on ‘Sacrament of Matrimony’. With Prayers, RanjithJoseph (R.J)
Catholic married couples that attend mass at least once a week, the divorce rate is around 34% – 38%, not much better then the national average. – its a actually going down, but its not all good news because, less people getting married, and a lot less getting married in the church – I heard its down almost in the last 50yrs between 68% – 75%, and if couple looking too hard at what being married in the church and what the sacraments of a catholic marriage imply ( we never paid any attention to it when we got married) I would believe it would be down a lot more. I got married in the church and I probably wouldn’t have if it was for pressure by the parents to do so, ( you have to look good for the family).
Me and my husband married each other in private. I said my vows and he said his then afterwards we prayed to God about our union in marriage. I saved myself before marriage and we both were big on that and I don’t know if it’s okay do the act that makes us one soul because all the debates on the internet about what makes marriage good in God eyes and I felt like it was good because we said our vows and talked to him about it. What do you think?
Can God create a covenant in our hearts even if we are not married to someone? We were friends but he didn’t want to marry me because we were long distance. I’m trying to move on but I can’t imagine myself marrying anyone else. I feel like he is already my husband in my heart. I’ve been praying for God to help me let him go, if that’s His will.
A contract consists of consenting parties manifested by the meeting of the offer and the acceptance upon the thing and the cause that are to constitute a contract. Now the Family code defines marriage as a special contract of permanent union between man and a woman entered into and in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life.
Fr Mike makes good points. He fails to mention annulments in this segment which is important because an annulment breaks the spiritual covenant between the couple which is why annulment granting is such a serious matter. A divorce only breaks the legal obligation. An annulment nullifies the spiritual covenant of marriage between two people. This is why the Catholic church does NOT accept divorce…. ie: the covenant still exists. Good article though Fr Mike. Keep up the good work. Just follow some of your ideas to full completion 🙏🏼
PLEASE HELP US!!! My fiancé and I want to be married by our church but they won’t give us gods grace and blessing without being married by law. Isn’t that a contract ? Isn’t Gods grace for all of us? Is there no separation of church and state in the Catholic Church? I want to know why we must be married by law? I have no doubt of her loyalty if that’s what some are wondering everything we own is in both names and we share accounts.
How does the Catholic Church approach domestic violence, situation, consistent, mental abuse, knowing that the person that you are with is doing something that is wrong on a lot of levels. I had to get divorced. I had to save my life. I’ve lost my children. Well they are adults anyway they chose their dad. I have grandchildren I haven’t even met a crushes me every day it’s not that I would even consider another relationship, but if I did, would I be violating the Catholic Church.?
I have a problem with this. I married a man that abused me and was unfaithful. Does that mean that I can NEVER be truly married in the eyes of God to another man?? I was divorced by the earthly law and now I am married, by earthly law to another man. He never did those things to me. He was also married to another person that repeatedly cheated on him and became pregnant with another man. So is he still married in the eyes of God to that woman. What happens when the person breaks the covenant in such a profound way?? Does that mean that now we are not deserving or ABLE to have a Godly marriage ever in our lifetime??
“I often say that if you want to really want to understand the contract of marriage, just ask anyone who has been divorced. The marriage contract is one of property rights.” Or maybe you can look in the Bible to see what Adam had to say about divorce, since Eve was his second wife.” Lilith was his first. — Harvey Fierstein
I wonder why people think marriage is a contract? Hmm…. “marriage is the contract itself” Pope Leo XIII. Council of Trent: “Matrimony, according to the general opinion of theologians, is defined: The conjugal union of man and woman, contracted between two qualified persons, which obliges them to live together throughout life.” Catholic encyclopedia: “Marriage is contracted through the mutual, expressed consent…..”although Christ has raised marriage or the marriage contract to the dignity of a sacrament (as will be shown below), yet marriage, even among Christians, has not thereby lost its natural significance.” Marriage is contract, naturally, and raised to a sacrament by Christ, supernaturally.
Genuine question here….what about instances of extreme rareness. For example, this happened to someone I’m very close to. She got married to a man who lied and told her he was baptized and wasn’t, he became very abusive, she then discovered he had been accused of many egregious crimes, and ultimately he left her and their children for another woman. Does she have no recourse? Does she have to remain unmarried and alone forever? Are their truly zero exceptions ever for any reason?
Just wondering how this then applies when priests and nuns abandon the forever covenant they have made to be consecrated to serve God for as long as they live? How does that work given that “ex” priests and nuns who abandon their lifelong promise, covenant and vocation then go on to get married – in the Catholic church – and have children? There seems to be a huge double standard here. Why would, for example, a woman married to an abusive, violent husband be forced to stay in that ‘marriage covenant’ where she and likely the children are also at daily risk and harm OR if she leaves she must stay ‘single’ and alone UNLESS she goes through a difficult, protracted annulment (where there is NO guarantee that an annulment will be grated) ? Sorry I think placing this guilt of staying married forever on a wife or husband who leave a toxic, dysfunctional, destructive marriage is wrong. Fr Mike you are out of touch. Perhaps we can hear about how it’s ok and not a mortal sin in the eyes of the Catholic Church for priests and nuns to leave their consecrated life, forsake their vows, break their covenants with God and then go on to get married – in the Catholic Church?
This is why many plain anabaptist churches:Amish, Amish-Mennonite (Beachy Amish), GermanBaptist…. see baptism as an adult decision and a promise to the specific church, a covenant to the church, that if you get baptized and then leave, you are fully excommunicated. you’ve broken your covenant to the body of christ.
What if a husband rapes his wife? It seems cruel to me to deny the wife the possibility of marrying someone who truly loves her after a divorce. I was raped by my first boyfriend. We weren’t married, but I would have married him, because he was very kind the first year and I loved him deeply and sincerely. I find it a devastating, heartbreaking and even sickening prospect for a young woman to be condemned to never share that special bond with a man who truly loves and honors her – to deny her the chance to become a mother to children of her own.
The church has failed us tremendously in this area. They never address the 45 percent divorce rate. They say the threat marriage is facing is same sex unions! Divorce and children being raised by strangers is no problem at all i guess. Children seeing their parents go in and out of marriages is just another form of dating and that is no problem at all either. Dating / marriage, same thing but if you get married you get a lot of free stuff and have a great big party. Who wouldn’t choose that! I never never never hear any priests address Divorce. . If one more idiot says that same sex couples are destroying the sanctity of marriage AND THE FAMILY i will scream.
So when the Bible tells you to follow the law and the law of the land is that you’re not married unless you or married and file a marriage license? I don’t see necessarily what you’re saying is absolutely clear, because when God tells you to follow the law of the land which he does in Romans, and the law of the land says you’re not married, unless you file a marriage license, then how are you married? When God told you to follow the law yes the covenant may go beyond the marriage license. It may be a deeper commitment than just other people who file a marriage license but people try not to follow up and file the marriage license in order to manipulate the legal system of the land and God has already determined us to follow the local laws, so not only are you not doing what God said by following the license and being legally married then you’re trying to deceive the system in someway, which is a form of lying
Covenant sure sounds a lot better than contract, doesn’t it!!! It SOUNDS wonderful, but unfortunately there are a lot of con artists out there who target women who are gainfully employed and maybe have a little money. I had a terrible experience many years ago with someone who lied about everything but his name. It was awful. And I think his parents KNEW that this was his habit and he was a closet alcoholic and closet homosexual and terrible liar, and nobody told me. Fortunately, I have no intention of ever marrying again, so I don’t have to face the traumatic experience of going through a Catholic annullment, but this is the one thing that the church has “wrong” in that, while the church’s position that marriage is a covenant is beautiful and SHOULD be how it is, many times it is NOT what actually happens, and the process is traumatic for the woman who has not actually experienced a marriage, but rather she has experienced a crime of abuse. So – marriage sounds like hearts and flowers from the Catholic perspective, and it would be GREAT if that’s the way it was all the time, but I am afraid that it often is something else entirely. Making the women have to interact with the con artist again is terribly cruel, if the woman wants to marry someone else in future. I decided on a different path, but I feel sorry for any woman who went through what I did and then had to face the grueling annullment experience with someone who conned her into marriage with lies.
Try convincing my “fiance” of this. It’s one of the reasons I am doing what I’m doing and saying what I’m saying. To him and to his family and mine, to myself. It’s a trust bond that we share right now. Not a trauma bond. If we don’t get married, it will be called a soul-tie that didn’t work out. But that puts me right back into the dating life and still believing in the vows that I made previously. Like I told my ex-husband: I didn’t sign up for “until the kids are raised.” I signed up for marriage. That’s why the church allowed annulment. It was what Trump would call “fake news…” I don’t want my own Faith environment to set me up for failure in dating, marriage or my Sacramental attention to God or His people.
“You don’t need a piece of paper, that would be a contract.” Nope, paper is no essential part of a contract (or another word for that, a covenant). Where I’m from, however, you do need to sign a piece of paper when (isn’t it ironic?) you get married. So you’ve got everything thoroughly confused and mixed-up here, Father. You’re just making up silliness, for some unfathomable-to-me reason. I guess it’s a sign of the times. We live in an Age of Silliness.
Reverend Father: ‘contract’ and ‘covenant’ are synonyms. You know neither the scriptures nor the power of God. Have you not read the scriptures? How can you hear and hear, read and read, but not understand? It’s chock-full of explicitly conditional language about God’s covenants with his people. Have you not read, e.g., Hebrews 3, an entirely typical biblical passage?: “… 13 Each day, while the word To-day has still a meaning, strengthen your own resolution, to make sure that none of you grows hardened; sin has such power to cheat us. 14 We have been given a share in Christ, but only on condition that we keep unshaken to the end the principle by which we are grounded in him. 15 That is the meaning of the words, If you hear his voice speaking to you this day, do not harden your hearts, as they were hardened once when you provoked me; 16 those who provoked him were the people (some, though not all of them) whom Moses had rescued from Egypt. 17 Who was it, during all those forty years, that incurred his enmity? Those who sinned; it was their corpses that lay scattered in the wilderness. 18 To whom did he swear that they should never attain his rest? Those who refused to believe in him. 19 We see, then, the consequences of unbelief; this it was (notwithstanding God’s always essentially conditional covenant!) that denied them entrance…”
In my mind the marriage is not something new. If we look at the history for example people, especially Arabian, had been trying to make better pieces of horses. They picked up one piece with another and watched the result. Since then they have to realize that this behaviour could be applied to humans also. They discover the benefits and threats of it. Simply, marriage is a technique that prevents degeneration if you are trying to apply this kind of behaviour. You know, you have one human (or product) and those genes will degenerate one into another. Why? Because the product which is the best, like those Arabian horses could be, will simply last longer and had, in those days, a better chance of survival so a higher chance for genes to be multiplied.
You lost me father. To be honest I think this kind of explanation loses most people who are struggling with their faith and really trying to understand and benefit from the church. You say marriage is not a contract because there isn’t an exchange of goods and services. That’s not a useful distinction when a central part of marriage is the exchange or merging of all goods and resources with the expectation of reciprocal service to each other. You don’t get to live separately, with separate finances, separate financial and other interests, and never do anything for your partner and still be seen as honoring your marriage commitment. You are implying a covenant is about the merging of groups or individuals into one- and that’s what distinguishes it from a contract between separate individuals (who can part upon completion of terms). Kinda. But we were always God’s people, his creation (and always will be) – yet God made multiple covenants to us in the Old Testament. That is also more confusing than helpful. It’s also possible to make a contract that stipulates a relationship that never expires- or expires on death. There’s nothing about a contract that prohibits this. God’s covenants also did not automatically make us one with him. First we are not God or on his level. Second we can choose to turn away from him and we need to honor certain terms in order to receive his grace. Maybe because God is God he will never break his covenant but we certainly have contractual obligations to God with stipulations of reward for meeting them and punishment for not.
however catholics ” look at marriage ” means literally less than nothing because the law dose in fact look at marriage as a contract and when your standing in front of a judge 👨⚖️ he won’t care about your “covenant ” you will be treated with the heavy hand of the law often to an extreme detriment of the man who will lose half his wealth and property. i would advise folks to NOT take marriage advice from ” celibate people” who are largely known for raping children. get a prenup