Emotional detachment is a condition where a person is unable to engage fully with their own or others’ feelings, often due to negative social experiences and overreliance on social media. This can occur as part of an attachment disorder or in response to a temporary emotional barrier. Emotional detachment can have different causes, such as past neglect or trauma, or even self-protection.
Connecting with people is essential for our moods and physical health. It is crucial to challenge negative feelings and cognitive restructuring when trying to defend against emotional triggers. Allowing ourselves to be emotionally vulnerable is a source of strength and the only way to truly connect in our most personal relationships.
Conditions that may contribute to emotional detachment include personality disorders, attachment disorders, acute trauma or abuse, lack of trust in others, or fear of losing them. Emotional intimacy is the foundation of all healthy relationships, and it involves sharing feelings, being vulnerable, seeking to understand each other, and meeting one another with trust.
Emotional detachment can stem from past experiences, mental health conditions, or fear of intimacy. It is important to talk to your healthcare professional about these issues and seek help if necessary. Emotional intimacy is the sense of closeness and connection you feel with another person, and it is essential to be able to emotionally connect with someone, whether it’s a friend, colleague, or lover.
In conclusion, connecting with people is crucial for overall well-being and personal growth. Addressing emotional detachment, fostering trust, and allowing emotional vulnerability are key steps to overcome emotional barriers and foster stronger relationships.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| Can’t connect with anyone : r/attachment_theory | To me this sounds like it could be emotional detachment or even dissociation rather than not being attached to people but I’m not a professional … | reddit.com |
| Why can’t I feel an emotional connection with anyone … | You have not found someone who resonates at your frequency. ( my problem, everyone seems so different to me) · You are detached from your soul. | quora.com |
| Emotional Detachment: What It Is and How to Overcome It | Emotional detachment is an inability or unwillingness to connect with other people on an emotional level. It may help protect some people from unwanted … | healthline.com |
📹 Why You Can’t Connect With Anyone
Timestamps: You Can’t Really Connect With Anyone: 0:00 What Does It Mean To “Connect” With Someone?: 1:22 The First …
Why Do I Struggle To Connect With People?
There are various reasons you might struggle to connect with others. Social anxiety can create barriers in social interactions, making it hard to form connections. Life transitions, such as moving or job changes, can disrupt existing social networks. Emotional detachment, whereby individuals are unable or unwilling to engage emotionally, may protect one from stress but also hinder relationships. Many people find themselves unable to turn acquaintances into friends, especially in work or school settings, often feeling alone in the crowd.
Additionally, excessive use of social media may contribute to a sense of disconnection. Various factors, including low self-esteem, past trauma, and poor social skills, can affect one's ability to connect. Shyness, introversion, and anxiety can create apprehension in social settings. Self-acceptance is crucial before seeking meaningful friendships; aligning interests with likeminded individuals can help in fostering connections. Moreover, understanding others' feelings is essential to build supportive relationships.
Lastly, fears of rejection and judgment significantly impact one's desire to connect, particularly for those with significant childhood trauma. Addressing these challenges can enhance social interactions and overall well-being.
Why Do I Struggle To Interact With Others?
Your aversion to social situations can stem from various factors, including past trauma, mental illness, and stress. Conditions like social anxiety disorder and depression can intensify feelings of negativity towards social interactions. Forming emotional connections can feel like a chore, leading to emotional detachment, where individuals avoid deep connections to prevent anxiety or stress. Effective communication is crucial, but difficulties can arise, causing misunderstandings and impacting relationships.
This struggle can lower self-esteem, especially among children who may become targets for bullying. For some, the challenge lies in inconsistency; being able to converse easily with some while freezing around others. Social deficits, such as those experienced by individuals with autism, can hinder the ability to read social cues, making it hard to establish friendships. Many contend with social anxiety, fearing judgment or misunderstanding, resulting in self-imposed isolation.
This cycle perpetuates anxiety and makes connection feel daunting. While some genuinely desire interaction, their efforts may falter due to high self-worth stakes in social situations. Ultimately, overcoming shyness, introversion, and social anxiety requires understanding one's difficulties in communication and emotional connection, as these issues can significantly impact the desire to connect with others effectively.
Why Can'T I Connect Emotionally?
Past experiences, such as previous relationships or unresolved trauma, can inhibit emotional connection. Reflecting on these can help reveal barriers to intimacy. Quality time is essential; distractions can weaken the bond. Emotional detachment arises when individuals struggle to connect emotionally, potentially shielding them from anxiety or stress. Negative social experiences and excessive reliance on social media may exacerbate feelings of disconnection.
Emotional numbness serves as a defense against overwhelming feelings like fear and grief. Causes for emotional disconnect may include neglect, lack of emotional intelligence, or deeper issues within the relationship. Emotional unavailability, often driven by past trauma, discomfort with emotional expression, or innate temperament, can create frustration and distance. Symptoms of emotional detachment include lack of responsiveness to emotions and feelings of disconnection.
Yet, achieving a deeper emotional connection is possible through vulnerability and creating a safe space for openness. Emotional intimacy, key to healthy relationships, involves sharing feelings and building trust over time. Lack of emotional connection might manifest as complaints about feeling distant or emotionally absent. It's crucial to understand and address these issues to foster emotional bonds. Ultimately, intentional efforts to enhance connection can reinvigorate relationships burdened by emotional detachment.
What Are Signs Of Alexithymia?
Alexithymia, often termed emotional blindness, is a personality feature defined by significant challenges in identifying, processing, and expressing emotions. Individuals with alexithymia may struggle to differentiate between their feelings and related bodily sensations, leading to difficulties in communicating emotions effectively. This condition is associated with a limited ability to articulate emotions, making individuals seem detached or apathetic.
Research suggests that alexithymia can exacerbate symptoms of depression, psychosis, and phobias, particularly in those with co-occurring depressive disorders. Common signs include difficulties in recognizing emotions, thinking in concrete terms, and focusing on physical sensations over emotional experiences. Alexithymia has also been linked to various health issues such as hypertension, migraines, sleep problems, eating disorders, and substance abuse.
While the classification and assessment of alexithymia are subjects of ongoing debate, it is understood to be a sub-clinical inability to identify and describe one's emotions, impacting emotional understanding not only in oneself but also in interpersonal interactions.
Why Am I Not Emotionally Attached To Anyone?
Emotional detachment can stem from attachment disorders or be a reaction to temporary situations, possibly affecting various aspects of development. While it might serve as a defense mechanism against stress or unwanted drama, emotional detachment hinders the ability to form close emotional connections with others. Individuals may become emotionally attached without romantic feelings, fostering bonding and connection. Signs of emotional attachment may include constant thoughts about a partner, yet emotional connection differs significantly from attachment.
Relationships characterized by anxious or avoidant tendencies often induce distress and emotional pain. While some understand emotional attachment through bonds with pets, others may feign similar feelings towards people due to their struggles. Emotional detachment can arise from stressful environments, depression, lack of affection, or underlying psychological issues. It can be intentionally practiced through established boundaries, which is beneficial when confronting challenging situations.
Conversely, maintaining emotional distance can prevent over-attachment, a common protective strategy. Acknowledging personal growth necessitates breaking emotional ties, just as decluttering physical spaces frees mental space. Ultimately, emotional attachment, a normal developmental aspect, drives connections that provide protection and validation, but learning to navigate these attachments—by setting boundaries and nurturing self-awareness—is crucial for emotional well-being. Balance is key in fostering healthy relationships without succumbing to unnecessary anxiety.
What Kills Emotional Intimacy?
An inability or reluctance to value a partner's thoughts and feelings can severely damage trust and intimacy in any relationship. Signs of declining intimacy include emotional withdrawal, irritability, and neglecting traditions. Relationships often struggle with busy schedules or deeper issues like emotional safety and vulnerability. Gottman's research highlights that rejecting emotional bids can significantly harm relationships, diminishing closeness.
Emotional intimacy, characterized by a deep connection and mutual understanding, can lead to physical intimacy. It's important to recognize behaviors that harm intimacy, such as withholding feelings or criticism. While trauma can also impact relationships negatively, addressing a perceived lack of intimacy is essential. This deficit can lead to loneliness, conflict, and decreased desire for intimacy. Complications may arise from a thriving physical connection juxtaposed with a lack of emotional intimacy, resulting in mistrust and frustration.
Overcoming intimacy issues often requires awareness, open communication, and fostering emotional connections. Couples typically disengage from sex not from boredom, but from a lack of emotional connection.
What Is It Called When You Can'T Emotionally Connect?
Emotional detachment can manifest as a temporary response to stress or as a chronic condition, such as depersonalization-derealization disorder, and may also result from certain antidepressants. Known as reduced affect display, emotional blunting is a negative symptom associated with schizophrenia. This detachment is characterized by an inability or unwillingness to connect emotionally with others, often serving as a protective mechanism against drama, anxiety, or stress.
It can stem from attachment disorders, negative social experiences, or reliance on social media, complicating emotional connections. Situations involving neglect, stress, or abuse can further exacerbate emotional detachment, aligning it with conditions like PTSD. Symptoms typically include feeling emotionally disconnected, unresponsiveness to emotional stimuli, and a lack of emotions. Emotional detachment differs from emotional unattachment; the former indicates a deeper inability to empathize and engage with others' emotions.
It is essential to recognize that individuals who experience this condition may not be able to force emotional availability—they must be willing to work on their emotional health. Seeking therapy can assist those struggling with emotional detachment in exploring its underlying causes and developing healthier emotional connections.
Why Am I Not Emotionally Attracted To Anyone?
Many individuals face challenges in establishing romantic connections, often questioning why they struggle with emotional attachment. Several factors may influence this disconnect, including sexuality, mental health issues like depression, medication side effects, or self-doubt about partner selection. This article delves into the reasons behind a lack of emotional attachment, identifying symptoms of emotional detachment, and emphasizing the importance of recognition in addressing such feelings.
There are various reasons for emotional detachment. For instance, some may use detachment as a defense mechanism, while others may simply not feel attracted to potential partners. Notably, individuals identifying as asexual experience minimal to no sexual attraction, yet they exist on a spectrum that encompasses different experiences. Additionally, unresolved trauma may hinder feelings of safety and connection, impacting one's ability to develop emotional bonds.
People often find themselves questioning their lack of attraction, which could stem from hormonal imbalances, biological factors, or psychological influences like demisexuality, where attraction builds over time through emotional connections. Understanding these complexities is crucial, as emotional attachment denotes a vital aspect of human development. Recognizing signs of unhealthy attachment can lead to healthier relationships, while fostering emotional connections can pave the way for genuine intimacy. By exploring these factors, individuals can navigate their feelings and improve their relational dynamics.
Why Do I Emotionally Detach So Easily?
Emotional detachment arises from various factors, including trauma, mental health conditions, and side effects of medication. Seeking help typically involves talk therapy, especially if it signifies a deeper issue that requires treatment. While emotional detachment can serve as a voluntary boundary-setting tool, an imbalance may lead to negative consequences, hindering meaningful connections. This detachment may originate from past experiences, such as neglect or trauma, and can hinder one’s ability to empathize with others, creating challenges in forging relationships.
Emotional numbness may also develop as a defense mechanism against overwhelming feelings such as fear and grief. Individuals might choose to detach from relationships, both romantic and familial, for many reasons, often without knowing how to effectively do so. Symptoms of emotional detachment include lack of emotion and disconnection from experiences that elicit emotional responses in others, leading to difficulties in expressing feelings and resulting in social isolation.
It may stem from avoidance of distressing emotions and is linked to attachment disorders or temporary stress responses. Additionally, personal histories of abuse and trauma play crucial roles in shaping one’s capacity to connect emotionally. Addressing emotional detachment requires understanding its roots and seeking appropriate support.
What Is It Called When You Struggle To Connect With Others?
Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) goes beyond mere shyness, impacting individuals' abilities to connect emotionally with others. Emotional detachment signifies a disconnection from one's own feelings or those of others, potentially arising from attachment disorders or life experiences. Symptoms linked to SAD include physical reactions like blushing, sweating, and rapid speech, often triggered by perceived judgment from others. Alexithymia, which involves difficulty in processing emotions, can accompany other mental health issues, making interpersonal connections more challenging.
Common reasons for struggling to connect include emotional absence, insufficient listening skills, and heightened self-criticism. Such difficulties may be rooted in childhood trauma or negative feelings like shame and low self-esteem, leading to social withdrawal. Establishing genuine connections is vital for mental well-being, aiding emotional regulation. However, it can be difficult to engage with others meaningfully if one feels overwhelmed or unworthy.
Overcoming these barriers requires understanding oneself and recognizing the importance of relationships in life. While social interaction requires effort and often feels daunting, fostering these connections can enhance overall emotional health. Recognizing the roots of emotional detachment, whether through personal experiences or unresolved trauma, can pave the way for healthier social engagement and improved interpersonal relationships.
📹 CPTSD: Are You So DEFENDED You Can’t CONNECT With People? (Resilience Series #6)
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I can rarely relax next to someone – it always feels like an act, I feel my brain working like an old 90’s PC, processing what is said, trying to choose correct answer back, how much and what to share … then my PC heats up, and I start to overshare, make jokes others might not get or like, and when the interaction ends, I will go over it over and over again for days, weeks, even years 😢
Honestly, I think part of it is realizing that everyone around you is a complex individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and unique and nuanced life experiences. Their ability to open up and articulate in a way that works well with you notwithstanding, everyone around you has lived life up until this very moment. You’re not going to connect with everyone no matter what you do, and that’s fine. But for me it helps to remember everyone has something going on and isn’t necessarily “boring” for not wanting to talk and open up. Nobody owes me anything, and life isn’t all about me.
You’ll never connect with anyone if you don’t connect with yourself first bros. Take some time (this can take a while, but you CAN do it and it WILL be worth it) to dive deep into YOURSELF and understand your own life and internal struggles, then build a plan to overcome those struggles. Through that growth, you will start connecting with people naturally.
I just gave up and accepted Im not a people pleaser, and that I was born to be alone and independent. I just hate the feeling of interacting with people especially if its small talk. I will only talk to someone if it necessary and I’m the type of person to not open up easily (Im traumatized by reality). Its not a bad thing nor a good thing. Just something thats a part of who I am. and Im proud of it
I always have an extremely difficult time connecting with “normal” people because even if we do hit it off due to having common interests, those people still facilitate bad habits for me. It’s not the people’s fault though, except when the issue is them constantly complaining. I’m either too attached or completely disconnected. I just feel like I want something different most of the time, not “normal people stuff.” Maybe I’ll vibe better with aliens. Joking, but it’s how I feel. I disconnect to run from “normal” and mediocrity.
I am a 30 year old woman, and the best and the strongest connection I had with another human (another 30 year old woman) was over a shared life story and childhood. We were both immigrants from Eastern European countries, we both had similar family struggles (which were the reason for us immigrating to the US). I honestly think that the one thing that connects us most to other people is shared hardships
Sometimes it has to do with your family background. Being raised by a narcissistic person, you are more or less taught look for and focus on other people’s flaws, ignore your own, elevate your own opinions above others, and make snap judgements about the people around you. The kind of judgements that seal the entrance to anyone else’s own little world. You really have to work on this in order to create a genuine connection with anyone, at least until you realize that you aren’t perfect, and neither is anyone else.
I’ve watched countless self-improvement articles. Never in my life have I thought that I was emotionally unavailable. I’m overwhelmed with emotions most of the time, so I thought I wasn’t. But the family environment u described hit back home. And that’s probably the reason I’m even perusal this article now.
That’s how I feel, about 8 years ago I remember having a group of friends who I’d lift with and kick it with, over the years I’ve met different people around my town, but it seems like they all do the same thing. Sleeping with each other’s girlfriends, disrespecting on the low, smoking, drinking, having get togethers just to drink, live for the weekend, and always on their phones. Am I the problem? Are they? There’s two ways to see it, I’m mostly on my own. Just gym, work, school, repeat. I’m working in moving else where because I feel ostracized in my hometown, haven’t had a girlfriend in 3 years, but have hooked up with girls in those 3 years, but i still feel empty. No friends, no girlfriend, but i still have my family and siblings and dogs. I’m content, but wish I had that stereotypical outgoing life at times. I’m 25, I want to change.
Wow, Cole, you may have almost made me cry. This is literally what i struggle with the most with. I really find it hard to get over surface level connection, but your trick with focusing on the positive in people is really something that has potential to solve many problems regarding socialising. Thank you very much!
I noticed that many of your articles go hand in hand. The “3 brutal life truths” article and “The Reason You Don’t Feel Good Enough” emphasised on how society’s upbringing can alter our perceptions and views that aren’t really “us”. You managed to maintain and keep your own values and I’m learning from you a lot Cole. Thank you
I think the best skill anyone can learn in life is being ok with loss. Because it’s going to happen. A lot. I’m a pretty outgoing guy so meeting people isn’t hard for me. But so many times I’ve connected with someone, started hanging out with them outside of whatever venue we usually see each other at, and become pretty good friends. Then, just like that, it’s over. Whether it’s something I said, something I did, something they just heard I said or did from other people, or just…I don’t even know. They just disappear and that’s that. Whether it’s your parents, friends, a girlfriend, a job, a house, a car, prized possessions, or just the general state of life, dealing with loss is the best skill you can learn, because odds are, everything and everyone in your life won’t be there eventually. The only factor is time.
I rarely ever comment on articles, but this is THE article I needed to see. I think I resonated with every point you made here. It’s going to be a hard road to fixing my connection issues, but I’m super happy to have finally figured out why I struggle to connect. A huge thank you Cole, you’ve earned another well-deserved subscription!
I didn’t think I’d get much out of this article honestly. I was surprised when I actually related to it and you pointed out exactly what I thought were the reasons I couldn’t connect with people and it was helpful just having someone else tell me that that’s something I actually do need to work on if I want to build better relationships with people. You earned a new subscriber man, keep it up.
“Many people ask, “How can I find true partnership?” That is not a good question. Find what is true and partnership will find you. Purpose emanates from your Knowledge. You have had experiences of Knowledge already. It is this that requires cultivation. There is great assistance to help you do this. Then relationship will come to you. That is the way. Learn to eat. Do not seek food. Learn to eat. Or you will sit at the table and realize you cannot fulfill yourself. You will not be satisfied.” Wisdom from the Greater Community Book 1 » Chapter 2: Relationships and Sexuality
Honestly, I was debating whether to post this, but I think getting it out of my system will help a lot, and maybe I’ll find that some of you have experienced the same, so here it goes: Going in chronological order, like Cole said, I grew up in an apartment where if one person feels some way, the whole apartment has to feel it or hear about it too. My parents frequently argued (and still sometimes do) and I’ve seen and heard things I never should’ve had to, like police escorting family members out, getting called curses and names like “bitch” by my own parents when I didn’t agree with their ideals, and seeing my brother belittled and berated for being himself. In middle school, I was shunned and treated like a social outcast and my newly developed social anxiety going into it didn’t help. I felt utterly alone and developed what I consider to be depression as young as age 12. I turned to the internet for any sense of meaning and social connection because I felt alone and unable to share my emotions with those around me. Going into high school and college, I started healing from this but was still very naive about other people and their intentions. In college, it started out fun and exciting, I finally had freedom. Then, everything really started going downhill when COVID hit, and after every obstacle, I’d try to rise out of my depression just to be knocked down again. The hardest part was losing one of my college friends earlier this year. She was shot and killed on her way to my college house at the time, and in SUNY system fashion (or mayhaps it’s just my college that operates under batshit crazy circumstances, IDK), the students still had to go to school with no accountability or empathy from the school itself.
Great article, exactly what i needed right now. Being asperger, and having a shitty family (exactly the one you discribed) really screw my (non-existant) social life. Thanks to give me some clues on how to get success in making friends in a new place. Stop protecting myself (=Be emotionally available) will be the hardest.
I’ve been this way since I was a little kid going from school to school always hoping the next school would be different. I can try again not to be a loser not to be made fun of, and it’s always been like that got married didn’t work out because I had no other friends and depended on her. I was too good of a husband/ caregiver
Hey Cole, I know you probably won’t read this comment but I just wanted to say this is is absolutely the best article about social skills and connections I saw on YouTube. Bro, at first, I absolutely saw myself in the first hypothetical situation and I’ve never wondered why that happens and why I feel that way. I thought I maybe was different in a bad way, cuz I compared myself with those guys that know how to talk and to make friends and friend groups. This article opened my mind in a sense of knowing what is wrong and how to change it. Such an amazing work.
Thanks man ❤ I recently became more and more social. Soon I will be 17 and I want to change my life for the better. I started talking to my classmates and people and I’m having a great time. Don’t think I don’t experience fear sometimes, haha it’s still there but I’m pushing through it. I found out that I actually love talking to people and listening to their thoughts, slowly I understand and accept to show myself to them. Understanding the importance of expressing positive emotions and paying attention to body language helps me a lot. I had a not so good time, at 15 I tried suicide. But it’s okay now, for anyone reading this my message is to never give up. Allow yourself to develop, allow yourself to create moments for yourself and others. You got this!
Loneliness of modern day men is staggering, because i do believe that men also have a deep longing for connection with other men. We are told to be so focused on our careers, spouses, kids etc and to see fellow men only our competitors, that we forget the fact tha men need other men, as much as women need other women for frienship. Thank you, Cole, that you are here to remind us the facts we so easily tend to ignore, but which are the most crucial things in life, in the end. Ps. As a gay man i have noticed this deep yearn among the straight men to connect with other men, and i think its somewhat easier for them to connect with me on a deeper level than it might be with other straight men, due to these false ideas of masculinity and “bro’s dont cry” shit. I dont still feel less masculine myself, in fact i concider this to be my personal strenght to be able to connect with people who so desperate yearn that the would be at least one person who understands and listens.
I relate with this so much, especially the example with replying back. I ruined my chances with a girl because I thought she was texting late and ignoring me. But I failed to realize that she is from a strict household under supervision. Sometimes we need to dive deep into our intuition and should find why we are feeling what we are feeling
Socialising is exhausing for me. I feel like no one really knows me because I always have to change my personality depending on the person. I can never relax and be open to people because I’m so scared of being judged. I have friends, but I don’t have any best or close friends, which really hurts. I feel so alone.
I be like i can be a problem sometimes but some folks dont know shoe i got to fit in i went through the hard knock in life and i want be better individual but the hardest part is doing it first and also when people mess and treat me like i not a Human being and that effects me so much in life and be like what really the point of being with people being in society and also just living in general.
It’s difficult for people that are deep thinkers, spritual or gone through hardships. Myself, I am going through treatment, figuring out my next steps for a job and battling addiction, it has allowed me to focus on the positive aspect of human interaction. I really want to talk to people more, but I have social anexity. So I need to work on those aspects.
My parents always were there for me but dude that part with them projecting or even blaming their emotions on kids really hit home. But my main reason for me failing at this every single time l feel connected with someone is the people’s fuckin herd mentality. As you’d expect l’m a complete loner and every time l meet someone who resonates or sympathizes with me they already will have a friend/partner or belong to a group that will reject me, so in the end it’s always me or them so they naturally gona pull back or try to push me away. I might give up too early or often not even consider the chance but l have been playing this game for a long time now.
I’m going to be brutally honest, and it might make me look bad but I think it will feel good to let it out. I find people boring…. very boring. Most people want to talk about their relationship problems, their health problems, or even what they plan on doing after work, or worst of all…their kids, which I have zero interest in. I feel like I should care, or have interest in what they’re saying but I just don’t. And I also feel like they could give a crap about the things I talk about as well. I’ve found that even with people I do have things in common with, I still don’t click with them. It’s because I know that if we become friends, I’m going to have to compromise on some things. They might want to go out and do something that I don’t want to do, and I hate spending time doing things I don’t want to do. I’m set in my ways and for the most part, don’t like my routine changed. It sucks because I would like a friend, but there’s just things about me I can’t change or deny. I am a part of certain communities here on youtube that share my interests. But at the end of the day, I can click out of youtube and then go do what I want. So it works for me.
I’m 19 now and idk I just find some people weird like idk how to describe it. I’m more at peace alone but I know I’m in my comfort zone and want to get out of it but idk how… people are draining. I want to make more friends but throughout HS I was quiet and now I’m out and have no friends really. Now I’m out and don’t know how to make friends. I want tonged out I’m much more confidant now and know who I am and I’m not as quiet. I sorta found myself but idk how to meet people because I’m taking a gap year rn… and the friends I do make I never get invited to shit. Idk shits just weird. I feel like I’m different from everyone. How y’all be making it so easy. I’m sure lotta y’all can relate to what I’m saying
Just the first minute 😂 YES other people’s meaningless conversations don’t interest me at all. To the point where I’m mostly quiet. I don’t care about most peoples answers & I really don’t see how they could care about mine. Literally don’t even talk to a lot of my family bc I always chalk it up to “I don’t have anything to talk about.”
i clicked on this article but i got a text from my friend whom i never really had that serious fruendship with (mainly sending memes and all) but we actually ended up having rerally good and deep convo (like i actually tackled problems with making friends and so did she), im still gonna watch but maybe i got what it needs it just is hard to find right people 🙂
I concur with certain observations made here; undoubtedly, society tends to assess individuals based on their perceived ‘class’ and whether they belong to the middle or upper class, or possess specific material possessions. While I can empathize with this perspective to some extent, I was struck by the opening of the article, where the lack of desire for deep connections was palpable, and I find it perplexing. It seems as though society has become increasingly self-centered, prioritizing personal attention over genuine connections. It’s disheartening to witness this shift towards a more selfish culture.
just happened to me, i met somebody at my uni gym, it seemed all good and we met couple more times at the gym, but then when i asked him what else he likes to do beside gym just to find some things to talk about he told me articles games and anime, personally me i decided to cut those activities from my life couple years ago. it just such a turnoff i cant ignore it, now i see him differently than i used to.
I always had trouble connecting with people, from childhood till this day, I always had people who are actively trying to be friends with me, to involve me in group activities and what not, I think they find me interesting, like I hold some special secrets, even though I’m pretty transparent with my ideas, maybe its how I carry myself, I don’t really know, the point is that despite all that, I still couldn’t ever connect with anyone. Maybe I have some trauma that I’m not aware of, even though I don’t have the slightest idea what it could be, to me it just feels like a chore, a task that I would rather not spend time and energy on if I have the choice, I don’t feel “anxious” per se, more like bothered, like I would have a much better time alone. I lived that way for most of my life, and it had led me to a pretty bad place, luckily I got out of it, but it would be more accurate to say that I ran away from it, it’s still there, I just managed to outrun it for now, but I know it will catch up eventually, unless I change, but I don’t have the slightest clue where to start, or what even is my goal. I have friends, and an environment where I’m always surrounded by them, but that’s temporary, and I can’t see myself connecting with any of them, I’m not even sure I know how it feels like, all of my “close” friends are people who are just more active in seeking my company than others. I guess I’m writing this as a question, what’s the basis to form a connection? Is it shared interests? Time spent together?
I am the one that does not connect with people, perhaps others have tried to connect with me as you suggest but I haven’t been receptive of them as I was unaware. I am still struggling to find myself, going day by day without any hobby, direction or goal. I know that I need at least one but I do not know where to start as I do not know at all who I am and this scares me, this has only been a recent development that I don’t know me, or even if the me I am, is who I would be if I had ever put a conscious thought into my decisions. I am lost, scared and alone.
I only saw up to five minutes but I already know one of the reasons, if it isn’t already in the article. I’m emotionally colorblind. 25 years of suppressing my emotions to survive. When people even approach a more intimate subject, I have no idea how to respond, because I don’t quite understand how I feel about if or how to communicate my feelings to others. My connections could pretty much only be made with people that share the same interest because I don’t understand anything deeper about myself to even try and understand something deeper from someone else.
My strategy to connect with people is to see if they are willing to connect on a regular basis, say weekly at 5pm on Monday for 2 hours. It doesn’t matter the time, day or duration as long as it works for BOTH of you and is repeated. Then this gives you something to look forward to without having to think or plan. If you can both show up accepting the other person on this regular basis, things just grow. Like going to the gym on a regular basis. The initial setup may take work but it’s far easier in the long run. When someone tells me “nah, lets just call each other when we feel like it” then I know they’re not interested in connecting.
YUP! It took me a long time to realize that I was the weird one and that (more often than not) I had trouble relating to normies. Even now I still have to curb the temptation to bring up something of substance, therefore I find it easier to keep quiet and observe. Personally, I stopped trying to force it if I don’t have much rapport with someone I leave it at that and move on……while doing my best to be cordial. All that being said, it’s still frustrating with how little substance most people have.
1) normal people to judgemental, they are already happy and conneted, dont need —- ME worry about every word I say, noise inside my brain interferes with vocal talk, 3) ultimately I am my own best friend (or enemy) Side comment: I love hiking and know every inch of the main and a lot of the hunters trail in a local State Park (about 5 mils away). I hike alone 99% of the time, even when I was marred with kids that were old enough. Mental Illness always fucks it up too.
I dont know. I kinda think when you learn about peoples darkness, which is really their animalistic nature no different from other animals, the key is not to try to unsee it. Rather, it is to kind of allow it but put up some boundaries. This need to connect on a deeper level can be something many people shy away from because they dont want to look too deeply and see the darkness. It can be a challenge, but ultimately, you cannot subsume another person. We will always be extremely unique on a deeper level. That truth and its acceptance is healing. We all all ultimately separate and that is not a problem. Learn to fill the void with a connection to God. Ive heard that if you look into the darkness long enough, you see the light. Because you accept the darkness and the light becomes the notable part.
I’ve never felt connected to anyone. I spent most of my life totally cutoff from people and the outside world . I have a brain injury so I only feel at the most a flat mood, better than where I was long ago, then only the worst mood . I do have a couple frie ds but rarely see them . I enjoy being alone . Other than going to a store which is uncomfortable I not really interested in meeting people . I doubt anyone would want to be around me anyway.
The original convo really struck a chord with me. Nobody seems to enjoy the same interests with me, at least not locally. I don’t like Football (or any sport) and most people seem to devote their entire lives to that stuff. I just don’t get it. I don’t get how people sit for hours perusal pointless TikTok articles. I don’t like the obscene priority that people place on empty appearances. To the point that they put up this sanitized facade to hide what’s beneath. A house that looks like something out of a catalog. Fake fruit, knick-knacks, books that will never get read, obsession with neatness/order. It’s all so boring. Like a vain attempt to IMPLY some deeper meaning in someone’s life, when it’s blatantly obvious that nothing is really there. So many people are so stiff and serious all the time. Never so much as a chuckle. It’s all so off putting to me. The second you step outside that script, you’re ostracized. Existentialism? Wierdo. You don’t like sports? Weirdo. You don’t act like a piece of lumber at the hardware store? Wierdo. You don’t make your life look like it’s out of the JC Penny catalog? Weirdo. You have a hobby that’s not on the approved list? Weirdo. I found a great wife, and I have a small circle of friends. So that’s all I want or need at this point.
The problem is, i am not that deep😂😂😂 what now? I dislike gossip, yes! And i love to explore things, to some extend. I can be fascinated by different kind ppl who are quite different and have even contrary qualities. But i hate gossipers, drama creators and mean behindbacktalkers. I think i simply give up too easily on meeting new people. I think i am harsh on myself quite a lot and maybe this is why i expect the same of other ppl. But this makes it harder to stick to ppl.
9:40 Sorry. I utterly disagree with this. If my whole family is happy for whatever reason, I’m not happy myself. If my family is sad or upset for whatever reason, I won’t be unhappy either. My emotions DO NOT mirror off another human being. If I stare at dog shit for hours, eventually my body will mutate into a pile of shite. If I stare at a Ford Mustang for hours my body will mutate into a car like Transformers. The human body doesn’t work like that so why should my emotions mirror off someone else’s feelings/emotion??? I am an emotionless person. My face always says ‘I am perusal paint dry’. This is how I am.
I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m not cool enough for well cool people. Not nice enough for good people. Not dumb enough for stupid people, not smart enough for intelligent people. Not boring enough for boring people. I am not capable of connecting with people and I know I am the problem, I push people away I put on fake personalities I try to be liked and I whine and complain when I’m not, I’m lazy, I’m pathetic and I could never love someone more than I love myself because I can’t push my own problems away for the people I care about. I know sometime, somewhere, I will feel different, I will think these emotions were dumb, superficial and pathetic. Regardless I still feel them, they still hurt, I don’t have faith, I don’t have knowledge. I don’t have wisdom. I contribute nothing to those who push and strive to be better despite trying to help. I use people and I don’t even notice it, I’m flawed. I have no ambitions. I can’t trust people. I am nothing. And yet I am something. But I don’t want to be anything. I want to be okay, I want someone to hold me tight and just listen to me for once like I have done all of my life, to listen and really understand. And then let me help them, let me be honest with them, let me be open with them, to give myself and my entirety to them and they in return all I would want is for them to be happy. To be happy with me, to enjoy being around me and genuinely want my love, my compassion, my flaws. Whether it be a friend, girlfriend, wife, brother, sister.
This article helped me a lot on altering my perspective, however there is one more aspect I think makes me half disagree. Looking inward and becoming your best self is always the best choice. But sometimes many many people find themselves in situations where they wonder if they are the problem instead of facing the reality of their environment. I personally think in today’s world many people out there ARE the actual problem, because they’ve gone too far down a spiral they cannot control. It’s important to give credit to yourself where it’s due if you know you always give more effort towards others than you receive….and it gets tiring after a while.
I can’t say I’ve ever talked to anyone enough to enjoy Thier company or know where Thier from for more than 2 years ppl just can’t hold a convo on this end, we’d be talking then something comes up be it a third talker witch I find distraction or it’s work and they have to move or go get something and I forget where we left off and can’t restart
0:48 See I would actually laugh a little and sit back whilst trying to formulate a little hypothesis and philosophical theory…I think this life is so bizzare and strange we don’t actually understand it or ourselves, but people ‘CBA’ talking about life and would rather just drink and take drugs and forget about reality till Monday comes round…
What I don’t know is what should I say what should I talk about??!! Like “hey how’re you” Me: “I’m great how’re you” “I’m great too” Now what??? Now its completely in the hands of the other guy to carry forward this convo Mostly people just ask “so what’s going on” etc and we talk a bit about career and that’s about it. Like what do I do, what do I say to carry on the convo and not make it forced pr desparate?? Any ideas, tips etc are appreciated 👍
You are assuming that we think everyone is boring. But what if others think this way about us? What if others pull away from us? It’s rude to just keep trying to contact someone who doesn’t contact you back. The normal response is to just stop talking to them. You can be the most well spoken and well travelled person on the planet, but if others find you boring, you’re not going to be friends with them.
Yeah, I can accept a person’s faults as long as there not toxic or using their faults as an excuse yada yada. But when their “insecurities” are directed toward u, and only u and no one else and the other person denies it’s the case but it clearly is and they’re clearly trying to gaslight u, then that’s some fu**kery for sure. That’s a personal attack at that point and said person has at that point become irrevocably toxic and must be removed peacefully. I’m simply saying not every failed interaction is a misunderstanding that simply needs more understanding. Sometimes the other person is just a selfish bum that needs to be x’d.
sorry, this doesnt work… tried this for a couple years. people just seem to give me the cold shoulder or not interested in talking to me at all. It seems i can only have made good friends with international students, but since i am no longer a student, i no longer have friends. I am a positive person, try my best to improve while at the same time accepting who i am now. I try not to have limiting beliefs. I try to talk with people and be inviting to do other things. nothing is reciprocated, EVER
I’m actually not boring have a lot of hobbies, I think I scare people or I don’t look trust worthy maybe, I see people everyday who have less cool things going on . I think society only cares about delusions or being someone who helps you get somewhere most ppl are simply trying to get to know you because you’re a cool person or attracted to them . people normally throw me off after a while, plus I may be weird cus I can’t just chill with ppl if we don’t have things in common .I like being around guys that can help my either get more woman or turn up with . if they just wanna chill, it’s cooler when I was younger now I have a lot to do . plus ppl don’t be having no moves everyone looking at me . plus you need money to do a lot of stuff and be in these places, all the extra stuff he saying is irrelevant
Here’s my problem, I’m trying to make friends with a few people at my college, but they hang out all the time in a friend group I hate, there are several people there who I want nothing to do with, and my mind goes blank for some reason whenever I’m in it. Does anyone else have this problem? Edit: I solved this problem, the people I didn’t like at first are actually alright, plus my friends there talk to me a lot and seem to like me more than most of the other friends in the group.
I also think to many people try a little too hard to be normal. Like people take a simple greeting way to fuckin serious. It’s ok to say “what’s up?” “You doing alright?” “You’re Looking good!” or something along those lines and keep it moving. I just don’t get why it has to turn into some nonsense 3 minute small talk conversation. But that’s just me. Lol
Friends are for teenagers and fuqbois. Grown ups focus on work and seek meaning from within, not without. On aggregate, people today are shallow, materialistic, judgmental, and willfully ignorant. Interactions with any substance are far and in-between anymore, partly due to the Tik-Tok culture we live in today. Longing for some powerful connection like people see on made-for-TV movies or sitcoms is a waste of time and unrealistic. There is a general veil of surface-level, phony preoccupations cast over the world today. It’s just the way it is. While Cole’s objectives in these articles are noble, it’s important to also consider that there’s nothing inherently wrong with being “alone” or “isolated”. The old adage “Maybe you’re the problem” doesn’t do much to explain the widespread, pervasive issues many individuals experience today in regards to forging relationships. It’s possible, as hard as it is to admit, that the current political climate and prevailing cultural values of today are at least partly to blame.
You are assuming people exist in a vacuum. That when we deal with all our issues, there will be hundreds of other healthy people waiting for us. Wanting to connect with other healthy people. You are missing the point that life gives everyone a hard time. That even when you yourself improve your own mental health, you’re still living in a world surrounded by other people who have serious mental issues they have not dealt with. So even if you have a positive attitude and a willingness to cooperate, other people might still respond negatively to you, and reject your friendship.
Let me be brutal. Your “friend” is creep looking – which means that no matter how he struggle to connect with other people, people would gently make fun of him. Why all nerds look the same? Why they all have that looks and are treated that way? The only way people would repect him is, first, by he putting a new style and changing all his mentality to bring a new self, treating repressed emotions. If a nerd try to socialize and be as sociable as a extrovert, HE WILL BE REPRESSED BY OTHER PEOPLE. It’s pure halo effect and there’s nothing you can do; that’s a sad reality but the only way someone can get over it is by changing shape and overall look.
There is only one God. “Within the one Being that is God, there exists eternally three coequal and coeternal persons, namely, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.” God is the creator of everything and is Sovereign over everything. God has appointed his only Son to judge the living and the dead. We have all sinned and broken God’s law, such as lying, stealing, lusting, anger, pride, etc. God is Holy, Just, and impartial. That is why when God judges he cannot let even one sin from anyone go unpunished and that punishment is eternal hell. We can’t work our way into heaven and our good deeds can’t save us from our sin. The bible says all our righteous acts are like filthy rags. We would perish if we died and faced God with our own righteousness. The Good news is that God sent his only Son to save his people from their sin. Jesus who is fully God and fully human, lived a perfect life and never sinned. He willingly went to the cross where the Father took the wrath that was meant for his people and put it on Jesus. Jesus paid the price for their sin and died on the cross. He was buried and on the third day God raised him from the dead. God commands all people everywhere to repent of their sins and to put their trust in Jesus. Biblical repentance is a change of mind about Sin. It’s an attitude of the heart, turning from sin to God. Everyone who repents and puts their trust in Jesus, will have their sins credited to Jesus, and Jesus’s righteousness will be credited to them. Their sins will be forgiven and they will be given eternal life.