Toxic family dynamics can have long-term effects on an individual’s well-being, as they may instill a sense of invalidation of feelings and a desire to conform to their own ways. It is crucial to recognize these signs and learn how to respond in a healthy and constructive way. This may involve setting clear boundaries, maintaining distance, and seeking support from friends or mental health professionals.
Toxic family members often overstep limits, disrespect decisions, intrude on privacy, and disregard boundaries entirely. They can also be cruel, critical, controlling, and show a lack of empathy or respect for boundaries, feelings, and needs. They may lie, manipulate, or always make themselves out to be victims. In some cases, family relationships can become toxic, leaving individuals feeling emotionally drained and unloved.
To identify toxic family members, recognize signs of toxicity, and find tips to deal with these relationships effectively, including when to walk away. Dealing with toxic family members can be challenging and stressful, as it makes it harder to break off contact. Some basic characteristics of toxic behavior include manipulation, blaming, and a lack of empathy or respect for boundaries, feelings, and needs.
Toxic family behavior can look cruel, critical, controlling, and show a lack of empathy or respect for boundaries, feelings, and needs. It is not a personality flaw but a pattern that often runs in families. To navigate any toxic relationships within your family, it is essential to decide your role in the relationship, set (and stick to) boundaries, and take a time-out from a family member.
In conclusion, recognizing and responding to toxic family dynamics is crucial for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. By understanding the signs of toxicity and learning how to deal with them effectively, individuals can navigate their relationships and maintain a healthy and supportive environment.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| Toxic Family: 25 Signs and Tips | You feel controlled. Toxic family members might try to control major aspects of your life, including your relationships and career decisions. | healthline.com |
| How Do I Deal with Toxic Family Members?: The Mental … | This article has helped you start to consider how you want to navigate any relationships that may be toxic within your family. | losangelesmftherapist.com |
| How to deal with toxic family members: 7 tips to help you … | A toxic family member is someone whose manipulative, controlling, or emotionally abusive behavior · The presence of a toxic family member can … | calm.com |
📹 5 Signs of Toxic Family Members
Do you suspect that you grew up with toxic family members? Toxic relationships, or toxic people can come from the people closest …
When To Let Go Of Toxic Family Members?
Experiencing toxic behavior from family can seriously impact mental health, leading to issues like low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. If you consistently feel drained or stressed around a family member, it's crucial to reassess that relationship. Although there's no universal solution for dealing with toxic family members, individuals should determine how much contact suits their well-being. Setting boundaries is essential, even if challenging, as it protects your emotional health.
Recognizing signs of toxicity—such as feeling undervalued or anxious post-interaction—can help clarify whether cutting ties is necessary. Experts emphasize the importance of prioritizing mental health over familial obligations. If conflicts cause significant stress or evoke harmful behaviors, consider distancing yourself. Identifying toxic patterns—mean, disrespectful, or immature behaviors—is crucial for well-being. Effective strategies to cope with toxic family include detaching emotionally, avoiding triggers, and employing techniques like the Grey Rock Method.
Initiating boundaries or severing ties doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s an act of self-preservation. Consequently, while letting go of toxic relatives is undoubtedly difficult, it may become the healthiest choice to safeguard mental health and happiness. This article provides guidance for navigating complex family dynamics and emphasizes prioritizing personal well-being over unhealthy relationships.
How To Tell If A Family Member Is Toxic?
Toxic family dynamics often manifest through constant negativity and emotional abuse, characterized by perpetual criticism and belittling comments that undermine self-esteem. Family members, who know you best, may exploit your past failures to deliver harsh judgments that can feel physically wounding. Recognizing toxic behavior is essential as it may not be apparent when you are still enveloped in such environments. Common signs include invalidation of feelings, manipulation, and boundary violations.
Toxic family members may exhibit ruthless tendencies, play favorites, dismiss your needs, or try to control major aspects of your life. Symptoms can manifest in feelings of anxiety, depression, or inadequacy in their presence. Experts suggest limiting time spent with such individuals, clearly establishing boundaries, and deciding whether to cut off contact entirely. If toxic behaviors lead to emotional distress or conflict with other family members, it’s crucial to acknowledge these issues.
Strategies for handling these relationships can include setting firm boundaries and recognizing signs of manipulation or emotional harm. Engaging with a therapist might provide further guidance in navigating these challenging dynamics and help in healing from the emotional turmoil inflicted by toxic family members.
How Do You Outsmart A Toxic Person?
Dealing with toxic people can be difficult, but employing effective strategies can help maintain your emotional and mental well-being. Begin by setting and enforcing clear personal boundaries to protect yourself. Limiting interactions with toxic individuals can often prevent their negativity from affecting you. Stay calm and detached during interactions; do not let their behavior provoke a reaction. Focus on solutions and seek support from friends or family, who can act as buffers against toxicity. Always practice self-care and recognize when it’s best to walk away from an interaction entirely.
Avoid engaging in the toxic person’s drama, as many thrive on the reactions they provoke. Pay attention to how these individuals try to manipulate situations and use assertive communication to establish your limits. It is important to prioritize your own mental health and control what you can while eliminating what you cannot. By maintaining emotional intelligence, you can master difficult interactions.
Learn to recognize the signs of toxicity, speak your truth, and distance yourself when necessary. Strengthening your support system and focusing on positive influences can significantly mitigate the impact of toxic individuals in your life.
What Is Enmeshment?
Enmeshment is a psychological concept referring to relationships where personal boundaries are blurred, leading to confusion about individual separateness and a diminished sense of self and autonomy (Bacon and Conway, 2023, p. 3596). This phenomenon typically arises in familial contexts, where members become emotionally dependent and intertwined, hindering autonomous development. Enmeshed relationships exhibit undifferentiated sub-systems and excessive concern for others, causing a lack of emotional boundaries.
Enmeshment results in significant emotional trauma, as individuals grow up in environments where personal identity is often lost due to excessive involvement in one another's lives. This dynamic affects mental health and relationships throughout life, emphasizing the importance of recognizing signs of enmeshment and implementing strategies to establish healthy boundaries. Enmeshment disrupts clear roles and expectations within families, leading to confusion and dependency.
As such, individuals facing enmeshment may struggle with their own needs and identities. Understanding enmeshment's implications can inform couples and families about healthy relationship practices. By learning to set boundaries and prioritize personal autonomy, individuals can improve enmeshed relationships and foster healthier connections, ultimately allowing for a more balanced interplay between love and individuality.
What Does The Bible Say About Walking Away From Toxic Family Members?
The Bible provides guidance for dealing with toxic family relationships, emphasizing that believers can walk away from harmful dynamics. While we are taught to respect and love family members, scriptures like Proverbs 22:24-25 warn against getting too close to individuals who exhibit anger or toxicity. Identifying toxic behavior in family is a healing realization, as it reassures one that they are not alone in their struggles.
Verses such as Matthew 18:15-17 recommend addressing conflicts directly. If resolution fails, it may be necessary to create distance for one's spiritual wellbeing, as instructed in Romans 16:17. Walking away doesn’t equate to neglecting responsibilities; rather, it involves establishing firm boundaries to foster a faith-filled environment for oneself and others.
Colossians encourages us to bear with difficult people lovingly but also underscores the importance of assessing relationships honestly (Philippians 4:13). Toxic dynamics can lead to emotional turmoil, prompting the need for believers to seek wisdom, establish limits, and even distance themselves when necessary.
The Bible never condones suffering in abusive relationships. Verses like 1 Peter 4:8-11 remind us of the importance of love in covering wrongs, while Proverbs 13:20 warns against associating with those who may lead us astray. In summary, the scriptures advocate for both love and discernment in navigating complex family relationships, prompting the faithful to prioritize their spiritual health and seek God’s guidance in difficult situations.
How To Cut Off Toxic Family?
Coping with toxic family members can be challenging, but there are several strategies you can implement. First, establishing clear boundaries is essential, even though it may be difficult. Limiting contact with such family members is advisable, especially during gatherings. Another key tactic is to avoid engaging in unhealthy conversations or behaviors. Building a strong support system with friends or other family members can also provide relief and validation.
In severe cases, cutting off all contact may be necessary for your mental health. Recognizing toxic behavior is vital, and if interactions leave you feeling drained or undervalued, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship. Therapist Nedra Tawwab emphasizes that prioritizing your emotional well-being is crucial, and if you consistently feel negative after interactions, drastic measures may be needed. Cutting ties is not an easy decision, as family relationships often feel deeply rooted.
However, protecting your peace is valid. Difficult though it may be, acknowledging when a family member becomes detrimental to your health can lead to healing. Various methods, such as detaching emotionally, avoiding triggers, or employing the Grey Rock Method to limit emotional engagement, can help maintain your distance. Ultimately, honoring your feelings and making decisions that promote your well-being should come first.
Why Do Families Turn Toxic?
Family conflict can escalate into toxicity when members struggle to resolve differences or accept each other's perspectives. Toxic behaviors, such as gossip, favoritism, and boundary violations, can harm relationships. Therapists recommend limiting family interactions and establishing a robust support network to cope effectively. Family members often have deep knowledge of each other's past failures, leading to harsh criticisms that can inflict emotional pain.
The long-term impact of a toxic family can adversely affect well-being, making it essential to identify harmful dynamics and respond accordingly. Signs that may indicate a need to disengage from toxic relatives include constant negativity, emotional drainage, manipulation, and abusive behavior. Such dynamics often originate in childhood and may go unrecognized until adulthood. Factors contributing to family discord might involve disapproval of a partner or personal choices, further complicating these relationships.
Notably, toxic individuals often exhibit a pattern of negative interactions marked by blame and manipulation, undermining mental health. Acknowledging these issues and seeking personal growth through therapy and self-reflection can foster healing and break the cycle of dysfunction. By striving for accountability and healthier dynamics, individuals can rise above toxicity within their families, aiming for healthier relationships and personal development.
How To Let Go Of Family That Hurts You?
Letting go of childhood baggage requires a thorough self-reflection on unresolved hurt and disappointment. Start by listing these feelings and delving deeper to understand their impact on your current mental and emotional health. Acknowledge how toxic family members contribute to ongoing pain and make a deliberate choice to release this burden. Forgiveness varies in meaning, but fundamentally, it involves choosing to relinquish resentment and anger. Although the hurtful actions may linger, pursuing forgiveness can diminish their emotional hold over you, leading to personal liberation.
Evaluate the overall dynamics of your familial relationships, recognizing that even those who love you can cause harm. Prioritize your well-being while communicating with these family members, adjusting your expectations for their responses. Stop underestimating the damage caused and let go of the fantasy of their change. It’s crucial to establish boundaries in the face of toxic behavior.
Consider recent scientific insights that support emotional healing and resilience. Embrace steps to reclaim your life, such as understanding the reasons behind your emotional attachments and forgiving those who’ve hurt you. Engage in practical strategies like detaching from negative interactions, avoiding triggers, and maintaining distance as needed. Surround yourself with positive influences, communicate openly about your feelings, and seek support from trusted individuals. Ultimately, your worth is not defined by how others treat you.
What Does God Say About Family That Hurts You?
The Bible offers guidance on dealing with relationships that are harmful, even among family. It doesn't mandate continuing connections with those who inflict damage. Scriptures emphasize leaving behind wicked individuals and pursuing separation from toxic relationships (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). While it encourages honor towards parents, it also warns against enduring pain caused by family members who are not who we believe them to be. Hurtful dynamics can turn home into a battleground, but God's promises provide solace and healing.
Specific passages instruct forgiveness and mercy (Luke 6:36) and condemn abusive behaviors (Ephesians 4:29-32). Believers are urged to confront wrongdoing privately, emphasizing restoration rather than enduring harm (Matthew 18:15). While love is fundamental, Luke 14:26 challenges us to prioritize our relationship with God over familial ties. Encouragement can be found in biblical teachings about facing family conflicts, offering pathways toward faith, peace, and strength amidst struggles.
Ultimately, the call to forgive (Matthew 18:21-22) underscores the importance of reconciliation, balanced with the reminder to take care of one's responsibilities to family (1 Timothy 5:8). Love must not outweigh our devotion to God, especially if relationships lead to negativity.
What Happens If A Family Member Is Toxic?
The presence of a toxic family member significantly disrupts family harmony and individual well-being, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. Over time, this can erode self-esteem and self-worth, making it difficult to maintain a positive outlook. Toxic family dynamics are characterized by harmful behaviors such as constant criticism, emotional manipulation, and disrespect for boundaries. Such dynamics can result in low self-esteem and feelings of obligation, confusion, and heartache.
Recognizing a toxic family member is vital for your mental health; these individuals often overstep limits and intrude on privacy. It’s not uncommon for them to control aspects of your life, leading to chaos and drama. If you suspect you're dealing with a toxic family member, it's crucial to establish boundaries, take time away, or even cut ties. Although this may seem extreme, prioritizing your emotional and mental well-being is essential. Accept that some family members can be harmful, and distancing yourself is a legitimate option.
Ultimately, identifying the signs of toxicity—like constant negativity or lack of support—can help you navigate the complexities of familial relationships and determine how to improve or heal from them.
📹 How To Deal With a Toxic Family
Do you suspect that you might have toxic family members? Whether it’s your parents, your siblings, or your cousins, toxic family …
I think the absolute worst thing about being raised in a toxic environment is competing with the ones who weren’t. They just have a different, positive energy to them, they have big plans for the future, and they think the best about themselves. They don’t have to spend hours and hours crying or recovering from all the emotional abuse.
For anyone struggling in toxic homes: Once you find your way out. Learn to reparent yourself. Acknowledge the ways that you may have been affected and how it’s affecting you in your life. Provide yourself the space and the grace to work diligently on yourself. Everything won’t be perfect once you’re out of the home, it actually may be worse due to unhealthy upbringing. But know that it’s only a stage if you allow it to be. Work on your morals, values, and passions. Find people who will love you, but make sure your love for yourself isn’t compromised. Use your weaknesses as a challenge to overcome, and definitely find someone to support you (I.e. a therapist). If you’re in college take advantage of the counselors ( it’s in your fees). Life is what you make it. No one else can make the decisions for you, not even if they try.
The older I get, the more I have come to realisation that my family is very toxic. It’s breaks my heart everytime when I think back that my parents used to read my diaries and go through my drawers, and the smirk my mother had when I confronted her, she would always say things like ” so what, I went through your things, I’m your mother, I have rights to know what my child is up to.” My dad, till these days, still doesn’t believe mental health. His mindset about mental issues is that as long as no one in the family is known to have such a “thing”, then I’m not supposed to have it. It’s ” other people’s illness” . I spent years going to therapy and I can’t even tell them about what I think. I stopped talking to them a few years ago, and I’m slowly healing. It’s a long and difficult process, some days it gets so hard to get through, And I feel alone during these difficult times. I just wish I could have a family that could respect me and love me instead of putting me down all the time and dismissing my feelings.
Being raised in a toxic household, it took 19 years for me to leave that house and realize it wasn’t a home. I spent my whole life defending my family to anyone who dared question their motives, but with the help of therapy and physically being removed from the environment, I have finally found my freedom. To anyone who also relates to the points made in this article, please know that your feelings are valid and you don’t deserve the treatment you receive. One day you can leave the environment and spread your wings. Stay strong and have hope, I know it isn’t easy. I’m still reeling from my own toxic family, but I can tell you that my life has significantly improved by acknowledging that my family is indeed toxic. Thank you for this article and for validating my feelings ❤ I hope this article helps everyone as much as it did me 🙂
My best friend has a toxic parent and a healthy parent. The mom is somebody who looks like a good parent but is a manipulative monster. The dad is stuck helping her and her kids. Her little sister is a mini version of the mom and makes her sisters life a living hell. I will send this to her and show her she’s not alone ♥️
Everything on this list hits home, and actually today I decided to have “The Toxic Talk” with my mom. It was a mess as you could imagine. The toxic habits I’m trying to shake off to this day are the same ones my parents have failed to deal with. My mom is not open to reason at all currently. I want to speak with my dad on this too to hear his side. My parents are acting aloof as well. My mom is becoming very defensive towards expressing myself, and I keep getting my word turned against me, guilted, and yelled at. I hope we can all come to a close on this eventually.
I went through a “phase” in my life where I would blame myself for everything, my parents wouldn’t give me any privacy so I was only allowed to talk to ppl my mom knew, and I loved them at first, but then I saw there true selves, let’s just say they all betrayed me, but I decided to break those so called “rules” my mom made, and I made my first ever best friend! Sometimes you just gotta be yourself! Ik like 99% of ppl won’t see this, but if you do I wish you all a blessed life.
After all these years of trying to tell myself I’m just seeking excuses to be special, I am finally able to accept that, as much as my family has given me a good life, they have also caused a huge impact on my mental health, and are the prime reason of all my insecurities and issues. Not all toxic people act toxic all the time, and as much as you feel you owe them love for all the good stuff, you’re also entitled to feel bad about them, and that’s okay
This article helped me a lot. I’m 24 and the stress of extremely toxic parents has token a toll on my mental and physical health for years. I’ve been to the ER, cardiologists looked at everything to have them figure out why i’ve been fainting and horrendous chest pains and palpitations and I finally realized it’s all because of my parents and the stress that they add onto my life. Constantly being put down, always told that I’m wrong, being raised in nothing but chaos every day and being blamed for it all. No care, no support. I would literally break out in stress hives all over my body. It’s so friggin crazy how much your emotional health can affect your physical. I’m so glad my step dad finally came and saw how awful my mom treated me and told me I am not wrong for anything that occurred and now he copletely understands. One thing I do wish P2G would touch on is what to do if youre in these situations. Like maybe make a separate website for it? I feel like that would be super helpful. Absolutely great article regardless tho <3
I just want to say that I’m never gonna treat my kids the way my parents did to me. The way they raised me is just some kind of hell i went through, yet I’ve managed to learn the good habits from the good people I meet around outside my home. Whenever i go out, I feel like I’d never come back. I talk to my friends about their families, how they treat them what are they like, and I really envy them. I’m just waiting till I go out for my studies in a different city. It’s not nice here 🙂
I experienced this toxic treatment at home which is also now playing out in my “marriage”. It’s horribly unsafe emotionally, spiritually psycholigically and mentally. I am working on myself to build up the self worth and self compassion to leave. Staying is definitely like drinking poison, slowly dying. No point being a martyr.
Watching this made me realize that I was truly in a toxic situation concerning my family. When I finally decided to speak up about how tired I’ve grown of being blamed for everything and not heard, they made it seem like I was crazy. I love with my dad now so at times I visit my mother and her husband but 2 weeks ago the trauma hit me. It made me realize that we never truly discussed the fact that our home was not a healthy one and it hurts because they choose to not be open minded. I know parents have their own trauma to deal with but its no excuse to take it out on your children.
This article came at a perfect timing because I am going through that right now. I try to be happy and smile for once, but then my family HAS to go and ruin my good day. I don’t understand why. I have been depressed, anxious, and more mixed emotions since I was 15 just 2 months before my 16th birthday. I will be 18 in a few months and I will NEVER stop having panic or anxiety attacks, nor will I ever probably stop being so depressed. These articles are amazing keep up the wonderful work!
My father shows 4/5 of the toxic things. My dad always feels the need to criticize everything that i do if its not what he thinks. Im not allowed to think for myself on front of him and he never considers the feelings of anyone else, being the narcissist he is. I constantly have to hide everything, since i know i would just get yelled at again, so my only comfort is with my friends, or somewhere that isn’t home. He supoorts me sith physical needs like food and shelter, but destroys me emotionally of the inside. He also has the feeling that I have to be like him, think like him, and have him the one that has to be in power. perusal this article taught me alot, so Thank you for that 🙂
I want to move out from my parents home, but every time I bring up the idea to my mom, she starts saying that she will ignore me as if I never existed only because I decided to “abandon” her first. I really love my mom, and I wish to do everything I can to make her happy, but ever since she told me that, I’ve been having a lot of panic attacks and no apatite for weeks.
The 2nd one is so incredibly true my mom was always a “shut up I’m right your just a kid” type of parent I was the biggest mamas boy growing up but when I realized how much she thought she deserved respect and didn’t give me any in return I slowly started to hate her we are still on bad terms 5 years after I moved out but I’m glad we are still on bad terms because it shows that she only “loved” me when she had power over me
I never realized the way I was raised was toxic. I thought it was normal. So anytime I’d open up to other people about my home life they would give me a concerned look. All 5 of these, came out as toxic for me. They aren’t as bad as they used to be. But, the hurt is still there and that fear is. I’m 23 and still can’t be too open about my feelings and opinions in that household. I love my family, but they are very overwhelming. Going through this, I never had access to being able to take control of my life or my anxiety and depression. Its gotten worse over the years, but I’m getting help .
I came from a toxic family, and I identify with most of the toxic traits you mentioned, especially in my childhood. Now, things are changing and I think there are a couple of things that are on a healthy side, such as Privacy, Communication and Affection. Criticism and Respect is still a work in progress. What’s tough is that with my parents, one of them has mostly outgrown the toxic traits and turned them into healthy traits, while the other one is still mostly around the toxic side, hence I can’t have a complete change. Anyway, I really like this topic, so thanks so much for the insight! 🙂
That’s why as a 16 year old I don’t have a family we separated from them becuase they love money and they don’t value family and love and my dad left me for another women and my mom was by herself and she managed my whole childhood and then my mom passed away when I was 12 which was tough for 12 years she looked after me on a teachers salary and my brother worked in America to earn more money to look after us so it’s only me and my brother and I’m grateful for everything he’s done and sacrificed for me Value your loved ones everyday ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yes, the dysfunction is spead throughout the family. You may want to add a comment about jealousy, and at the end, what to do if you are being abused/horribly victimized (example- report abuse to the police, trying to create an exit stratedgy (finances, relocation) when therapy is non-existent, or fails etc. Thank you for posting !
Cool article I grew up with a very toxic mother. This article summarized my upbringing. The constant yelling, the belittling, the lack of anything positive to say, the overall lack of respect, the lack of any positive reinforcement, the physical abuse, it was all there. My mother is the template for all women as far as I am concerned. Even at my age I keep women at a distance and cannot form any romantic relationships ( no, I am not gay).
Toxic in all categories and yet I can send my siblings this article to try an understand me but they tell me not to send them this. My parents are very old fashioned and unfortunately I check yes to all the toxic things you’ve mentioned in this article. It really breaks my heart because they always put me down and compare me to others. Because of that i drink a lot and smoke a lot of cigarettes I wish my family understood me. I’m losing faith and just feel depressed all the time. I really don’t know what to do anymore
My “family” ticks off every toxic box in this article. Because of this my siblings and I are estranged. I’ve reached a point where I feel the “healthy” family dynamic is fake or forced. I have a friend who comes from a good family. He finds it very hard to understand my background. I get frustrated with him and constantly having to explain that I don’t want to talk about it without going into detail as to why.
Related to all of these in some way. I grew up in a toxic household, and it was only after I moved out last year that I started to learn and realize how toxic it was. I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as other people go through, yet it still had negative impacts on me. My mom is a narcissist who believes in comparative suffering, and my dad just became a punching bag for her verbal abuse when the kids aren’t around. I was demanded to give respect but never got any, was criticized more as I got older, felt no sense of privacy, showed very little affection, and my parents are terrible at communication. I’m still healing, learning to pay attention to my inner child, and hope to seek out therapy soon.
I’m usually afraid to talk about this kind of stuff, but all of the 5 signs of a toxic family mentioned in this articles literally sums up my family relationship and dynmaic. At this point I dont even want my Family to show me affection, I just want them to at least understand how I feel and know what I want.
My family is quite toxic and sadly I haven’t felt them as a real family for a while now. Especially my mother. She always overthinks, creating those fake scenarios in her head and fights with my dad over it. My dad on the other hand, has a very poor understanding of feelings and how relationships work. He often prefers to keep himself busy with his job, instead of spending time together. He’s not good with words at all, and putting those two personalities together brings nothing good. I share almost nothing about my personal life with them because I know they would judge me. Besides I can’t expect a quality conversation by neither of them.
I have a very toxic family and unfortunately have nowhere to go so I have to live with them. I’m 27 and dealing with depression. Everyone judges me because I’m this “old” and have nothing achieved like most people, it’s hard living this way with so much toxicity around me but if I don’t live then what? Please pray for me 😔 I wish to myself and to anyone who’s dealing with mental health problems and depression to go through it and find peace and if possible to be truly happy. 🙏
Haha, ya, my parents and most of my extended family is like this I realized early on that normal families are supposed to express affection in some form, but all I was told is ‘our family’s British, we’re just like that.’ I also grew up not understanding how to deal with stress, and every time I would approach my mother about being stressed out, she’d say ‘What do you have to be stressed about?’ in a tone that made it seem like I was uber ungrateful for what I had. It took me sitting at work in my early twenties, deciding to read a downloadable survival booklet on my phone (where the first thing they detailed was the symptoms of extreme stress) to realize I have been horrifically stressed for YEARS. I marvel at how everyone else with a even slightly normal family say they still love their parents/family after arguments or whatever, even if they do f*cked up sh!t, but, like, I do not feel that. I’ve never felt that for as long as my early teens. It’s mindboggling to even consider, considering what they’ve done. I’m always told ‘but they’re your mother/father/etc’, ‘you only have one’, ‘always be there for family.’ And I’m like ‘No, why would I choose to just keep accepting toxic people in my life?’ It’s practically an abusive relationship. I don’t gaf if they birthed/raised/fed/sheltered me. I will not be Pavlov’s dogs stuck with negativity but praying for those brief respites of positivity. Sorry for rambling💚
Living with toxic family dynamics can feel overwhelming at times. It’s important to know that being in a toxic family is not your fault, and it’s not something you should be ashamed of. If you’ve recognized toxic patterns in your family, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you explore the effects of toxicity and offer guidance as you consider how to manage the situation.
I relate to all of the points in terms of a family dynamic. I understand it’s because they’ve had bad stuff happen to them but it doesn’t excuse the fact they project that fear onto me. I feel kinda sad cause I’ve had to act like an adult for them essentially and I’m only 17 years old. I just wish that if I have a family, it won’t be the same because i got my childhood robbed from me…
We need more of these type of articles. Toxic parents r growing to be more common and yet these topics are avoided most of the time by some people thinking “children are just being lazy and ungrateful” A healthy family will provide you space as well as fulfil your emotional needs, and you really won’t have any complain against them. Wish society cared more about children’s and teens’ mental health, lots of us are depressed and going through a tough time by ourselves and we don’t even have anyone to talk to about it😔 I just want y’all to know that you will get through this tough time and will be able to move out once you’re older. For now focus on yourself, motivate yourself & work hard for your career so that u can be independent. And if possible avoid your parents as much as u can, don’t give them your precious time and attention if they don’t deserve it. I tried this & my mental health is much better than before, I’m now more confident too and i don’t need my parents to do everything for me. I hope everyone in the comments will find people someday who truly loves and respects them. Stay strong. Fighting☺❤💜
growing up i always knew i was in a toxic household. i would go over to my friends house and see how they function as an actual unit while allowing their kids to be an individual. my parents simply think of their kids as an extension of themself and think they own their lives just because they brought a child into this world.
This came at a perfect time. I grew up with my Mom’s toxic family after my Dad died. Always gaslighted, shamed, and everytime I opened up to them I get backstabbed. I even am the escape goat to their problem. From 11 yrs old-22 years old, I felt like I was a puppet. Then I made the decision to go abroad to study in Nursing School. The best decision I have ever made in my life! After nursing school, The pandemic hit and it took me 2 years to fix my papers in order to return back home with my degree. During the two years, I lived independently and focused on fixing all of my bad habits & past traumas. All the negative thoughts I had about myself were originated from my Mom and her sibblings. When I returned home, there was the one week honey moon phase… then it just began to turn to what I feared. It’s like nothing has changed! No matter what I did or done… I always get ridiculed. Like I taught myself how to survive in a foreign country and I return home and they treat me like a piñata. The only difference is that this 29 year old man lived life during the pasy 6-7 years away from them.. and that I can stand up for myself. That and I have a social support team that understand my situation. Finally, I am no longer shacked with the fear of failure. I use my mistakes and screw ups as an opportunity yo grow. Lately, I have been distancing myself from my family especially my Mom. She rather be correct than to fix the problem. She has no clue about her surroundings. Always puts the blame game and always picks fights with everyone.
I’m just gonna put this out there. If you want advice on how I still handle this, comment below: I grew up with a single mom. She separated from my biological dad when I was 2 and I grew up with my younger sister. She tried to hide the existence of my dad when I was a teen, but saw right through her & when I turned 20 I finally met him (she was mad as Hell along with her side of the family). I still resent her to this day for that as well as other things I won’t mention she did to me as a kid and how she wanted me to be a person that I didn’t want to be (basically I couldn’t be myself with her, I had to be what SHE wanted me to be). I still live with her because of circumstantial reasons & would like to move out or find a trusted person to live with. 1. Communication – she is demanding, you can’t have even a simple conversation because it quickly turns into a yell fest, anything she says is just criticism of you or judgement, and she is a bad listener. Sometimes she cuts you off when you talk or won’t listen to what you have to say. “It’s my way and that’s it because I said so”. She’s still bad at communication to this present day. 2. Respect – it was the “you respect me because I deserve it & im the parent…”blah blah blah BS. We could never talk back, ask no questions, question her authority, etc. It was her way and her way only. She’s very closed minded and continues to be today. 3. Criticism – I remember in middle school I got an F on a fractions test & the teacher said my mom had to sign it.
I have gone through a lot of stuff through my life. Separation (Forced to leave my mom at the age of 3), family members dieing (Father died of overdose), vast amounts of moving (around 8 ish times), Being sexually assaulted and eventually being told my mother is living her life with 3 other kids without much care for me anymore. That’s a brief background across my 15 year and counting life. This article in particular hits in multiple aspects perfectly, for example the first point in the article shows what I wish my house hold was like but I go to school just hoping it last as long as possible, dreading coming home due to how I am both treated and forced to do. First point Communication – Yes I am texted once in a while about where or what to do, my opinions are almost invalidated and ignored along with my concerns and feelings.(This has caused many headed arguments and or fights about how I should be treated/or feel). Of course the fights almost never end well, I leave exhausted and more distraught as before and she walks off as of nothing really happened. I of course am forced to ignore the problems and act as if all is OK… Second point Respect – I my self am forced to give respect and act under her rules as if I’m a servant, cleaning, taking care of pets, perusal sister, mowing lawns, ext. To an excessive point- like if i have free time it will be spent doing chores for her at any moment. The respect part is ignored for me but I must treat her as a queen because she is my guardian.
My family is extremely toxic and I had to cut every last one of them off. It hurts that I did and I feel so so guilty. My mother used to hit me with closed fists and I still have scars on my hands and arms that all show they’re defensive scars. My biological father was never in my life, not even when my mother was pregnant. I always resented him for it. My mother was the worst part of my family. She could be so fake and show an overwhelming amount of affection just to get what she wanted from me. To this day she’s fake nice to me and Zelle’s me money to guilt trip me into letting her spend time with my kids. When I had my first child, she took her away from me and told me I was never going to be a good mother. I fell into the worst anxiety and depression of my life at that time. I was only 19 when I had my child. I haven’t been the same since. I’m turning 29 next week and I still haven’t been the same. I have siblings but all they care about is having money and they think I am a waste of their time. I really wish my family wouldn’t have had me, my mother said the same, because they never wanted me. I’m the black sheep. I grew up to have so many issues only because of such a messed up family. Thank you for this article.
Toxic family for me– My mom, aunts and cousins will always criticize me for my body and for my dreams and what I want. Overtime I’ve learned to hate my mom side of the family (I never met my dad’s side) and I’m so happy that they started to cut communications with us once a fight between me and one of my older cousins broke out. Things are slowly getting better with my mom but sometimes things would probably just go off the haywire. I’m happy she’s slowly learning to take faults and apologize. doesn’t mean I’ll forget everything that she’s done to me but I forgive her. At the moment I’m trying to help my other friends that live in toxic families giving them comfort, being there when they need me and telling them that once they’re older they’ll be able to leave their toxic family. It’s not much but it’s the best I can do. And to anyone reading this if you’re going through a hard time at home. It’s going to be okay you’ll get through this you’re strong in your own way! Light will always shine through even when it seems impossible. Don’t give up and stay strong! 🙂 ❤️
Very very insightfull and sugar coated just enough to to explain this once apon time a boy was ra I raised in a NPD family always lost and confused but always tried! and succeeded yet over looked abd under mindedness became a survivor once a broken empath raised in hell dragged thru the lava pits abandoned and broken. Sum how he managed to see the light and not only crawled and faught his way up now still crawling THRU with his children on his back stating I AM STRONG I AM BRAVE WE WILL BE HAPPY! 😄
I hate having to feel uncomfortable with my family, even my mom who is honestly much better than my dad. I never tell them anything, and I’m always upset when after-school events or practices are cancelled, because I like hanging out outside of my home. I hate coming home from school on a regular day because it’s only my dad there, because I swear as soon as I step foot inside the house I get yelled at for something. I really want to be able to be comfortable with telling my parents stuff and not be yelled at for accidentally shutting the door too hard lol
it’s 2 of my sisters that are toxic, I’m getting better with my little sister but one of my older sisters has been toxic since I was only a toddler, she gave me stitches once and told me stuff like “I wish you were never born, my life would be so much better without you” and she yells and used to hit me. It got a little better for 6 months but it’s getting worse and worse. We are arguing all the time and she doesn’t usually hit me anymore, it’s more pushing me. I love her but it’s really toxic
The last point, there’s also the toxic showing of “love”, saying things like ‘I love you’ are mandatory, you HAVE to hug your parents, even if you’re clearly uncomfortable with being touched. It’s hard to think about and hard to spot when it’s normal to you especially when it feels like a routine, it was even harder to realize it having been through it as well.
My ex turned my children away from me by basically kidnapping them and using parental alienation against me. I am surviving well, but it has meant blocking all those family members. My children are grown now, and I believe they are finally seeing the truth. But they are still so brain washed. I am the targeted parent that cries myself to sleep every night. I hope my children will know one day just how much I love them. I never talk bad about their toxic father but he is so cruel about anything related to me. Being a survivor sometimes means life gets very lonely. I message them every day telling them how much I love them. I am healing and I pray my children do too!!!
My family is very toxic. Especially when they all are now vaping… my grandma/mom is the worst of them all. She constantly invades my space, shames me, belittled me, and makes me feel like I’m not important. I can’t talk to her about anything. I hate her with all of my gut and hate showing anymore affection to such a toxic member. She claims she loves me and does everything she does* because* of it, but I think that’s a complete lie and just an excuse to keep me shut and quiet. My grandpa is okay. Well, used to be. Ever since I was a kid, I saw him as my hero. He often stopped his wife from yelling at me or prevented her from hitting me. But as I grew older and he lost his leg, I don’t see him as anything but someone broken and gaining toxicity from my grandma/mom. My brother and dad are the only normal ones that I think love me. Sure they sometimes bust into my shared room with my brother, but I don’t mind it too much since they are 100 times better than anyone else in my current house hold. I’m struggling a lot and really do want it all to end eventually. Because I’m very close to ending it myself in many different or various ways.
I don’t talk with my mom anymore. I tried so many times to fix the relationship after I realized that she was being toxic, but I guess a lot of people doesn’t change or don’t want to change, I tried for years but it didn’t get better. I’m much more happy now, and i don’t miss her anymore. It’s sad at first but I already accepted it.
My husband had a bad experience with his family that’s why when we get married, he makes sure that we’ll not have the same toxic relationship he experienced. I’m grateful that he’s consistent through our 10years of marriage. It’s just sad that until now his relatives still expects that we will turn out to have the same toxic relationship that he had. And that’s why we’re also dedicated to prove them wrong💕
I feel like I have no people who I can healthily vent this out to. We have extended family members living with us. It feels like they’ve been leeching off of us ever since my dad died. I just want to get it out of my chest that I fucking hate my older cousin. So fucking entitled to his own opinion, constantly talking down on me for not being able to play sports, not taking up STEM, etc. I can’t even have a moment of respite when I’m playing article games since he’ll sometimes hover over me and say shit like “the only thing you’re practicing by doing that is your fingers”, “why don’t you study to be a lawyer?”, “I feel like uncle (my dad) would be pretty disappointed, honestly”. Holy shit it get’s tiring. The worst part is that my immediate family doesn’t seem to be doing anything about their presence. This year I just spent some time with my siblings and mom trying to mend bridges and actually finally develop relationships with them. I finally got the courage to actually spend more time at home and socialize with family in my free time only to be reminded why I fucking hated being here in the first place by my extended family. Now I feel lost, I don’t think I can stand living under the same roof as these people anymore. As much as I love and respect some of my family members, as soon as I get a job I’m leaving and not speaking to any of them ever again.
i have a horrible “father” named richard. and all he ever does is eat all the food, drink tons of liquor, and scream at me all the damn time, and has even threatened to beat me more times than i can count, he even beats his wife every damn week for extremely small reasons, needless to say he is completely worthless to me, i hate him, and the first thing im gonna do when i turn 18 is put him in a retirement home
I don’t have a perfect family and the toxic communication family definitely relates to ours. I have a friend who has a pretty healthy family and whenever I go over, I hear her casually discussing topics with her family that I prefer to avoid ever mentioning to mine. The first time it happened it felt almost like a cultural shock because of how different our families are
I’ve related to all of these, growing up and even in my adulthood to an extent. I have a loving, patient, and kind girlfriend who as been with me for a little while now, and she’s 100% sure that my family (mom mostly) is very toxic. It isn’t to a point where my mom belittles me and picks on me, but it is to where I feel afraid to stand up to her and voice how I’m feeling. When I see how my girlfriend and her parents are together, I always wonder why I can’t have the same kind of relationship with my own. And I’ve been sheltered my entire life thus far. Getting a little emotional just thinking about it, but I’m currently at the point where I’m going to be leaving home very soon with support. Thank you for your articles! They help out a lot ❤🌟
When I was little I was doing something that got on my mom’s nerves so she told me if I didn’t stop she’d leave us and me being a small child didn’t know what she meant, so she walked out of the house and walked out of sight and went to a neighbours house and talked for a while before coming back, I was hysterical I thought it was my fault she left, Once I got older my parents had trouble my dad kept saying if mom left him he’d unalive himself in front of of and if I ever got my mom mad for no or really dumb reasons I’d try going to my room and she’d say “oh yea act just like your father and hide away from everything” One time in high school I bought me my mom and dad burgers and I got her a jr burger she yelled and screamed at me till I was in tears and she told me that she didn’t care if I was crying because I bought her a small burger when I got myself and dad the bigger one. Since Covid I’ve been living with them I work almost every day the same as them but they always “borrow” money from me and expect me to clean the house top to bottom when it’s them that make the mess everywhere If housing wasn’t so expensive I’d move out
Some of things in this articles actually made me cry because i have never seemed to have them. Such as respect, boundaries, and affection. I cant even remember the last time i got a hug from anyone from my family and it hurts me a lot. I love hugs and i really want to have some since i barely to dont get hugs at all, and its leading me to hug my friends for no reason. I just have this slight feeling im constantly crossing over their boundaries just for a hug that i dont get at home because i usually find it weird when they take a few seconds to hug back. Overall, these articles are really helping me know more about people, my mental health, and so much more. So i thank this website for this knowledge.
All of the toxic points you put in I related to and I’m now realizing that my family life has put a toll on me. 1 I have such low confidence and self esteem that my teacher has pulled me aside and talked to me about it 2 I’m incredibly sensitive to where any criticism makes me want to cry 3 I have a hard time expressing love and affection and I end up pushing people away (for example my friend and I go to every dance together and he wants to date but I’m terrified to and don’t feel like I deserve it)
In my family : 1. Miscommunication that leads to misunderstandings 2. One-sided respect 3. Swearing & mocking at me almost everyday 4. Privacy only applicable sometimes 5. “Affection? What is that?” I learned all of those important points in this article outside my house. I’m struggle to understand those points from friends or even strangers. That’s why I often prioritize them more than my family. Look, I’m thankful for family provided place to live, food & other material necessity… But I often feels like a livestock who treated badly emotionally speaking.
To all soon to be parents or parents with kids, this article is so important to learn how to nurture a healthy relationship with you and your kids. I grew up resenting my mom for all the toxic abusive language she use or the violence she did to me. As she age, she starts using depression as an excuse, blames for her horrible or day, belittle you anything bad that is mention in this article. It’s impossible for me to forgive her since she keeps disrespecting me as a human being.
As someone who has grown up in this type of family, as well as out of all my siblings and cousins. I was always the one seen as belittled, not smart enough, disrespected, told I wasn’t able to be something, left out because they felt it wouldn’t be a right for me to attend, told that I didn’t any nearly enough significance to be related to any of my family members. I’m glad you brought up this article but now I’m crying, now at least I know it wasn’t completely my fault my whole life… I’ve been teased, and told I don’t change, maybe it’s my personality but.. I felt that change would just make them push me down. Stuck in this shell that as I’ve gotten older has made me grow more willfully minded and learned that I don’t have to take the wrong that people tell me- But that shouldn’t have to have been the way I was raised to learn it. Looking back on it now I’ve realized just how much I’ve grown and past me would be proud how much better at finding my own voice I’ve become. And I’m happy about that. They’re methods just weren’t the right way and I have an absolutely incredible amount of social anxiety, that I’ll probably have for the rest of my life because of it. I struggle highly to even have friends, let alone talk to someone..(even if it has gotten better) whether this will be read or not, I’m glad that I have a better sense of mind now and more knowledge for the future❤️, so thank you.
My father “disowned” me on my birthday. Called me on my birthday to scream at me about not “calling them often enough.” Even though they basically treat me like sh*t when I do. They pretty much shat on my birthday. I woke up to one of the most unkind and disrespectful birthday phone calls ever. He also mistakenly left the phone on while the entire family continued to berate me. I heard everything they all said. There were people talking in the background whose voices I didn’t even recognize. This let me know they were doing it in front of other people. I’ve never felt so small in my life. My wife and kids tried to make my birthday right, but the damage was done. They have done this to my wife and I for years. He recently tried to scold my 10 year old daughter and I absolutely lost it on him. I warned him never to bring my child into his nonsense. Nothing I do is ever enough. I found these articles recently and that was when I realized I am the scapegoat in a narcissistic family system. This has helped me to truly begin to understand the nature of the abuse. I have gone gray wall with them and am slowly healing. Yeah, Father’s Day is becoming one of my worst holidays at this point.
My family used to only have a few toxic traits, but mainly healthy traits. All of us were guilty of it, but we’ve all worked on ourselves over the past few years, and now we all have much healthier and happier relationships with each other. Thankfully we were all willing to work on it, and we were all wanting to be better.
Being around my family and relatives is so suffocating. I swear, when I grow up, I am going to move out and I am going to break all connections with them. And to be honest with all of you, they are at a point of no turning back because they are just not ready to accept that they are the ones in the wrong because they think that they are always in the right and the person who is pointing out their mistakes is the person who is wrong and I know that this is really toxic and trust me it very much is. And because of all this I hate them but all of them hate me twice as much without a reason. My aunt, my grandparents my uncles, my parents my cousins all of them are so so so toxic. This has made me want to avoid any relationships that I may potentially have in my future, like friends and lovers. Just the idea of a relationship makes me sick to the stomach because of them. And that is also why I want to be alone forever and not have a relationship ever again in my life.
I have toxic family, I relate to all the signs and I knew it from the start. I can never say what I want to without being scared. I’m always told to respect other people, without getting respect in return, and since I’m young, I always have to do what I’m told. I hate school but I hate going home even more. I still love them and have to forgive since they are family, but no one loves me the way I love them.
I relate to all of these, and at this point i prefer to say that i was completely alone for my whole life than to say i had a family. It wasn’t a family, they just abused my mental and made me feel like a worthless tool, and that they could get rid of me anytime they wanted. I don’t know how long i can hold it anymore, so i’m trying to get away from here before things go south. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s life, including my own, but my mental gets worse and worse the longer i stay here. I have to escape while i’m still alive.
I knew from a young age that I had always been living in toxic environments. My parents separated when I was around 7. I really don’t remember a whole lot before that time because everything around that age was so traumatic and therefore the most memorable. There was a lot of chaos and abuse going around in front of me around me and even directed towards me. What parents don’t realize is what influences their children as they develop. Some don’t seem to care. People have come and gone from my life and I struggle to maintain relationships with people be it romantic or otherwise. I’ve become quite solitary due to the insecurities I have and the fears of rejection, abandonment, and arguments that I have trouble maintaining self control. I only know how to lash out and as someone who has become very self aware, I refuse to visit my problems and issues onto someone else who may not have the capabilities of handling me and it goes the same for me that there are things I refuse to tolerate when being in a relationship romantic or otherwise. I’ve allowed people to walk all over me because I have low self worth and low self esteem. I was always beening accused as the problematic child even though what was happening around me had little or nothing to do with me. I was swapped around from parent to parent growing up. Not having the most stable of environments and making friends was difficult. My mother didn’t have the best judgment when choosing men which led to a lot of abusive conduct.
Honestly about point three, I can really really relate. My parents explanations are based on some stories they get from close friends, many of them don’t paint the whole picture. And they keep ranting how bad my mistakes are, and that “it is up to you to decide to change or not” but not telling me how and not care about my reasons…. My reasons are often told to be bad, without suitable evidence or explanation…
When I saw this article I know I was going to relate to all the toxic family traits … honestly I know my parents love me and want whats best for me. But I can’t handle the fact that they always find a way to control everything I do, to the way I dress and choose the people I spend time with, they invade my privacy and always go into my room, there have been comments from them that will always hurt me and I don’t know what to do about it except wish that one day I’ll leave 🙁
I relate to all the toxic ones 🙁 my parents got divorced when I was pretty young and after that everything went downhill. I grew up with an absent dad who wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend than his kids, my mom had depression and was always angry at my brother and I when something didn’t turn out as she desired. I grew up with a lot of emotional abuse and still go through it. I have a good relationship with my dad and mom but she’s just… A lot. She’s really caring one moment but then I’m only an spoiled brat that deserves to be treated badly and even phisically hurt. Then when she’s done with her anger she says “I said nothing to you, that’s what mothers do”. I’m pretty tired honestly
I always thought we were a perfect and loving family. But when my eyes were opened and as I watched this article, I realized how toxic my environment is. I’ve been avoiding a toxic workplace (thus having trouble looking for a job) but didn’t realize my own home was also toxic. I feel like chains are tied unto my feet and we never communicate. If we ever do, it won’t end well. So those who have loving family, they should appreciate it because not all families are loving and true.
I should’ve known that I had a toxic mother… Despite growing up in a household, where I thought everything was fine, I never realized it would’ve been possible to relate to all 5 signs. As a child growing up, I was robbing of my ability to make a choice, I had to everything they said otherwise she would’ve yelled at me, hurt me, or find something else to punish me with. I’m 21 and I can’t help but cry when she yells at me. I hate the conditions I’m forced to live with these conditions, unable to make choices for myself, unable to say no, unable to live without fear…
My mother had told me that having friends was pointless and that I was stupid for wanting any. I relayed this to my best friend as tone-neutral as possible because a loud bloop had come from the device, so I knew that my mother in the other room knew I was talking to her. A couple hours later my dad called me downstairs with a print-out of the conversation that my mother had waved in his face and yelled about my disobedience and untrustworthiness.
I clicked on this article to see if my Parents were toxic. But out of my fear and surprise, I figured out that I was the toxic one! Me! I am the oldest sibling out of 3, and I normally play with the middle child, and leave out the youngest. Me and the youngest child don’t get along well, and fight a lot. To my youngest sibling, I lack Affection. And I even do rude things to the middle child! I always look on her device to see what she is perusal, even though she is uncomfortable about it. Doing so to her, she started sitting on the couch farthest away from where I normally sit. Thank you for creating content like this to help people like me! I will try to become a better person!! 🙂
32 years old and still dealing with toxic family that refuses to take responsibility for themselves and just financially abuses my husband and i. there is no communication as i’ve learned to not share info with my mom because she always shoots me down. there is no respect for privacy. my mom will walk into my husband and mine’s bedroom while we are still in bed. there is no affection. my mom has NEVER uttered the words “i love you,” to me or my children. every day i wonder why i got stuck with this parent and i wonder what it feels like to have a loving and supportive mother. every day i am unhappy, but dont bring myself to kick her out bc she is my mother.
Growing up with my family at the start it seem to that they love me and care about me… but wen I started school. My mom started to say,,your dumb”,,,your so stupid” and,,its so easy why can’t you do it?!”. It hurt so much i cried every time, I didn’t even want to go home after school bc it fealt like torture seeing my parents. It’s not normal if child is scared to go home bc the got a bad grade in a test. My parents think yelling at me helps me get smarter, they will apologize but the damage is already done. I have seen some kids say,,I never want to move out of my parents house I lovee them” but to me moving out feel’s like freedom. Your article was just so good it made me happy.
I’m 19 and till this day, I live all of those things everyday, aside from the privacy one, and I honestly, it just doesn’t seem realistic to me that someone can actually feel conforted by their parents and talk to them about everything they go through and all, so if you do, don’t take it for granted, cuz it’s not everyone who can have that at all
This article reminds me of Horrid Henry. His parents are very toxic and authoritarian. They always punish him for no reason, yell at him, blame him for things that were never his fault, and his feelings opinions and thoughts don’t matter. They don’t show him any love or encouragement, all they do is punish him and they aren’t there for him, while they love his brother Peter and are always there to show him love and support. Playing favorites is another example of toxic parenting
i have some problems with my mom. i think she loves so much it’s like becoming toxic. like you know overprotective. she also uses punishment as a way of fix things. for example if i was super tired of life and wasn’t really doing good on school, she took the things away from me that made me happy and not like ask me if something’s wrong. I don’t feel comfortable telling her about my problems in a fear of being punished or judged. idk i feel like our relationship kinda corrupted because she had extreme stress and i was numb and tired of life and i think we just misunderstood eachother but it has left a mark…
My father doesn’t care about my problems or tries to make them into a joke and play them off. My mother, every time I tell her something, always turns it against me. Even if it’s not a problem. Like, I’ll say I got a good score on a quiz and she’ll yell at me over how I should have studied something else because I clearly understand what I was tested on.
Since little, having comunication especialy me or my grandma angry, it would end up being “don’t talk back” (even when i tried to make it softer ) or in worse case scenario victimization, ” life is to hard “, “I have been through a lot ” ” this (unrealated) happened ” ” wanna die ” and start hitting herself . Really, know it’s hard to say what I feel
It’s hard growing up the way I did. Not everything was touch on as in this article, but a enough was. It’s really hard to look at my family immediate family and the looking at my S.O. Family dynamic. I am often jealous of his families dynamic. It makes me so sad sometimes, to I avoid having to interact with his family because of it. Not because I can’t handle it, but because I’m stoping myself from crying the whole time. I’m getting better, but some days it’s still hard.
Even though I know my family dynamics are toxic I still wanted to watch this article for the comments, just to relate to someone, my parents aren’t that toxic but it’s my grandparents and we pretty much live with them I feel I’m going insane because of the games they play and the worst part is that no one is allowed to confront them so basically they can do whatever and say whatever and it just slides I’m so exhausted I just want to move out. I don’t know who to talk to because no one understands or they’ll just say you need to confront your grandparents when I literally can’t and I don’t want to trauma dump.
This article helped me a lot. But I can’t help but feel a bit sad that these things are happening to me and even to others. What really got my attention was the topic about feeling better to not talk about my feelings. What my family is going through right now is really hard, something that a lot of people won’t understand. That’s why I don’t feel comfortable in telling my friends about my problems. Cause I know they’re well off and have supporting families you can literally see love emanating from them. I feel like the one person I should talk my problems with is my mom, because we’re going through the same thing after all. But everytime I try to tell her, she gets mad, angry, irritated, and even tries to put the blame on me. Sometimes she would even ask me angrily about I want her to do with our problems. But that’s not my point. It’s not that I want her to fix it. I just want to talk about my problems and have someone empathize. Someone to give me advice or even just listen to me. I eventually decided that I wouldn’t tell her my problems just to avoid being blamed for having emotions. I still don’t tell my friends about my problems, and instead journal about it. It’s great but sometimes I feel alone, like no one understands me. When I have problems I feel frustrated because I know I can’t tell anyone. And I feel mad about it especially because all these problems come from the unhealthy relationship of my parents in which I’m the one who gets affected the most. Especially because they don’t want to talk to each other, and they make me their messenger.
As much as I’m grateful for articles like this that brings awareness, to me, it also feel like a slap to the face. Because I know that I can’t get out of my toxic family situation. I’ve long decided “Not to expect anything” like my mom said before. And since them I’m hurt less, but I feel really numb now. I’m always alternating between “they’re actually really kind” and “they’re toxic and there’s nothing I can do about it”. It all just boils down with me always being in between, hating and blaming myself. I watch these articles to make fy feelings feel validated tbh. Because that’s the only thing I can do for myself, let myself be validated. edit: reading other people’s comments about how the are being positive makes me smile. At least some of us are trying to be happy and I’m so relieved for them. It’s bittersweet yes, but I’d rather be here cheering them on. I know i’m a coward. Please don’t be like me.
living with my sister really saw these toxic traits and continued to push me further to move in with my mom, where these toxic traits were a lot minimal. There will be things I don’t like about living with my mom, but making criticism, talking about things I’m not comfortable with, and more, was extremely difficult with my sister, and still is. After perusal an extensive article on “How to be Miserable”, on April Fools day, on a website about learning how to be the best person you can be through learning strong pieces of advice, this article does the exact opposite and showed many pieces of advice you shouldn’t take, and nearly every. single. one of those ideas fit the description of my sister, whose negativity is infectious to not only her own family, but everyone she comes across. I hope when she finds her way, there’ll be a time where I could truly forgive her of her actions, as its very hard these days to truly connect with her anymore after some horrid experiences that lead me to break a major self-boundary I have never ever broke in my entire life, a boundary that left me screaming past the top of my lungs that let any thought of my head shoot out of my mouth without anymore care of what anyone was thinking. It left me emotionally scarred and damaged since then, but I am always healing and getting better because no matter what there’s better things in the present since that was all the past. Things get better and things will get bad, and even nasty, i’m gonna keep looking at the good and hope to enjoy it as much as possible.
2, 3, and 4 are all relatable to me. Criticism–my mom calls it “teaching,” but honestly I cannot remember the last time I heard praise coming from her mouth, about ANYTHING I’ve done. It’s not constructive, she just constantly points out things she doesn’t like about me. My dad went off the deep end w/ this one, which is why I outright avoid him mostly. I have very low self-esteem bc of the amount of verbal/emotional abuse. Respect–they don’t think it has to be earned, and sometimes demand it, particularly my dad. They also rarely consider my perspective. Privacy–they micromanage my life. They always have to know where I am, where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I’m with, etc. At home, my mom barges into my room every ten min, doesn’t matter if my door is locked. I really do think she’s becoming codependent. They criticize everything, from my hair, to how I poop, how I eat, how I spend money, use my time, etc. I constantly feel like my life isn’t my own anymore…
Its sad realizing I relate to all of these, growing up it was hard to tell because all I’d hear is unhealthy or bad families are only physical abuse and if I was upset I was just being dramatic. This was helpful, it’s not like I can change this but hopefully if ai have my own family I’ll take note on these types of things and do the opposite.
My mom died of cancer at 53. I didn’t even know that my dad was seriously dating a woman until he invited me to their wedding reception a couple weeks before it happened. I was glad that he found a partner, but he and I rarely talk. My sisters are geographically not too far away, but I cannot share any deep feelings with any of them. I feel like I have roommates and old coworkers that are closer. It tears me up.
My mom is so toxic and controlling. It’s really sad because we used to be so close. when I started getting in my later teens I realized how toxic and controlling she was compared to my friends parents. I couldn’t have a car, I couldn’t go to concerts, I couldn’t have sleepovers, no parties, complained about all my friends and my bf etc but when it came to paying the bills or cleaning the house or listening to her problems all day that was fine by her. On top of that I work my tail off to make my money and help support her and she has the NERVE to complain that she’s lonely and “we never spend time together” . She’s not as over protective now that I’m 21 but when I told her I want to/am going to move out she flipped. She says things like: your ruining my health, I don’t have the money to live in my own, your going to make me homeless, I can’t get a job because my anxiety is too bad, you can’t afford it etc. she makes me feel so guilty for desiring to do normal things for my age. I still don’t have a car, she encourages me not to go to college, etc. I’m starting to think she doesn’t want me to do well in life..because her actions say way different than her words. I feel guilty but it’s not my responsibility to take care of my mother financially, emotionally etc
I never thought i had a toxic family. Looking back they use to frequently verbally abuse me, calling me lazy useless, stupid they called me lots of names and yelled at me for just talking. I still live with them but they don’t do it as often now. It totally wreaked me. They also didn’t show affection i would be told to harden up for crying, i never cryed even when my dog died or my grandmother died, i just couldn’t. They have never ever had a meaningful conversation with me. Basically they suck.
I think I started to really realize that I had a toxic family when I started going to play and sleep over with friends early in middle school. When I saw my friends interacting with their family, how they talked to each other and what they were doing, I was like “wow, this is amazing the relationship they all have, how do they do? it’s really not like that at home.”
I was anxious at family gatherings because I never knew when my dad would try to embarrass me. He hated that my family members might want to hear what I had to say and might laugh at an occasional joke I would tell. So, he’d devise a way to scold me for being bad in front of everyone and say things like “You’re going to die alone”, mind you, we were visiting my aunt and her family and this happened at the dinner table. He just kept shouting at me until I started crying. He literally ruined dinner just to make sure I didn’t enjoy myself.
This really hit hard for me. My dad was a toxic parent, and right now my parents are going through a divorce because my mum had enough of the relationship and having him ruin everything for everyone, I’m really thankful for that because it was getting really bad for the whole family. I’m lucky that it didn’t turn into physical abuse but my dad was really verbally abusive, ESPECIALLY with criticism and communication. Thank you for sharing this information on the internet, for people to learn about what’s good and bad in a family, and to help some who may be going through something similar or different realise the little and big things that contribute to a bad relationship
3. My family uses criticism as a WMD. They simply LOVE talking down about anyone and everyone… But they never seem to talk about what they should change about THEMSELVES. And whenever they see that THEY are in the wrong about something that THEY do, they either quickly change the subject, or make an excuse for THEMSELVES. This is mainly why my own social media is full of criticism and vitriol for whoever gets in MY craw that day.
My older brother has never respected my privacy. Less than a month ago when he and my mom were visiting he barged into my room without knocking and I was in the process of getting changed and was half naked. Some of my family members will lecture him but make excuses while trying not to, others laughed it off.