Positive discipline is a powerful parenting method that helps children grow in a supportive setting by focusing on clear communication, setting limits, and being patient. It offers a transformative approach to raising kind, confident, and responsible children. This gentle parenting style fosters cooperation, self-esteem, and problem-solving.
The three main parenting styles are permissive, aggressive, and assertive, each with their own impact on a child’s self-esteem and behavior. An assertive style balances nurture and structure, while positive discipline emphasizes clear communication and respectful communication.
When teaching children to follow rules, it is crucial to communicate when the child is following the rules. Reinforcing rule-following is more effective than focusing solely on obedience. The fundamental truth about parenting with discipline is that parents themselves must become disciplined in their parenting for meaningful, constructive, long-term development.
The third and final skill of discipline is being with the child, pretending to agree, and connecting well with them to make them understand the point. Proverbs emphasizes the importance of being with the child, pretending to agree, and connecting well with them. Good parenting skills, such as Tapu Misa, are essential for effective discipline.
A militant parent is high on control but low on warmth and empathy, while an authoritarian parenting style uses strict rules, high standards, and punishment to regulate a child’s behavior. As parents become disciplined, they can more effectively nurture social and academic competence and facilitate the development of moral values.
Ignoring potentially dangerous behavior, such as bad habits, whining, and tantrums, is not recommended. Children learn behaviors and problem-solving by watching their parents, and the focus should be on developing a healthy relationship with the child and setting expectations around behavior.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| Positive Discipline with a Twist: Parenting Styles | When psychologists and educators refer to parenting styles, we’re referring to four different approaches on how we behave, discipline and communicate with our … | doctoramyllc.com |
| The 4 types of parenting styles: What style is right for you? | Authoritarian parenting style. Authoritarian parenting uses strict rules, high standards and punishment to regulate the child’s behavior. | mcpress.mayoclinic.org |
| The 4 Types of Parenting Styles | There are four distinct types of parenting styles – permissive, authoritarian, uninvolved/neglectful, and authoritative. | americanspcc.org |
📹 How To Raise Kids You Actually Like
In this YouTube video, Dr. Jordan Peterson explains how to discipline children without resorting to shouting and fighting.
What Is Gentle Parenting Discipline?
Gentle parenting discipline emphasizes positive reinforcement, empathetic communication, and mutual respect, fostering confidence and self-reliance in children. This approach views children as individuals deserving of understanding and validation, prioritizing a relationship built on choice and willingness rather than strict parental expectations. Central to gentle parenting is the establishment of a nurturing environment that encourages emotional awareness and self-regulation, helping children learn and grow without reliance on punitive measures.
The principles of gentle discipline include connection, consistency, and guidance, promoting a collaborative partnership between parents and children. Techniques involve using positive reinforcement, offering choices, and setting clear boundaries, which contribute to a child's emotional development and autonomy. This approach also advocates for forgiveness and unconditional love, steering away from resentment to create a healthy parent-child dynamic.
By focusing on empathy, respect, and mindful discipline, gentle parenting aims to cultivate happy, independent children who understand community living. This philosophy encourages parents to guide rather than control, allowing children to navigate their feelings while learning appropriate behaviors. Ultimately, gentle parenting seeks to raise emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and confident individuals through compassionate and respectful parenting practices.
What Techniques Are Used To Discipline Your Child?
Utilizing positive discipline techniques enhances children's behavior while fostering development. Key strategies include redirecting unwanted behavior, praising your child to boost self-esteem, and modeling self-control during interactions. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) emphasizes teaching children to manage their actions effectively, promoting a nurturing relationship. Before addressing problematic behavior, it's crucial to establish rules in advance, ensuring a constructive approach that avoids punishment. Maintaining realistic expectations is vital, as are open communications with co-parents regarding discipline strategies.
For younger children, under three years, supervision is essential. Engaging children at their level helps convey messages clearly—utilizing eye contact and calm expressions encourages better listening. The combination of nurturing secure attachments, setting consistent limits, and employing consequences for rule-breaking creates an effective framework for discipline. Further, positive reinforcement, such as praising desired behaviors, leads to improved interactions between parents and children.
Time-outs can also be effective for young kids, used thoughtfully. Overall, patience and mindfulness are crucial as parents apply these techniques, creating an environment conducive to healthy emotional and behavioral development for their children.
What Is Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline, established by Jane Nelsen, a respected psychologist and educator, serves as a comprehensive guide for parents and educators over the last twenty-five years. This revised edition emphasizes that discipline should be rooted in mutual respect rather than punishment. It introduces a philosophy based on Adlerian Psychology, asserting that no child is inherently bad; instead, behaviors can be categorized as good or bad. By fostering a supportive environment, Positive Discipline teaches children to be responsible, respectful, and resourceful without damaging their self-esteem.
The method is versatile and applicable in various contexts, including parenting, teaching, and community leadership. Positive Discipline focuses on nurturing essential social and life skills, encouraging cooperation, problem-solving, and empathy. It is characterized by a dual approach that combines kindness with firmness, ensuring that children feel a sense of belonging and significance. Overall, the model operates on the principle that effective discipline guides children's behavior while instilling values that promote conscientiousness and respect for others, ultimately cultivating their ability to contribute positively to their communities.
What Is Discipline Parenting?
The term "discipline" originates from the Latin word meaning "to teach." Disciplining a child involves instilling responsible behavior and self-control, enabling them to understand consequences and take responsibility for their actions. Three primary parenting styles significantly influence how discipline is applied, particularly in terms of family structure and expectations. Positive discipline, a method centered on nurturing healthy behavior, emphasizes affirmative reinforcement, respectful communication, and guidance over punitive measures.
This compassionate approach encourages parents to be attuned to their children's needs while demanding accountability to foster maturity and independence. The focus lies on cultivating a safe, kind, respectful, and productive upbringing.
Positive discipline promotes mutual respect and fosters vital life skills such as problem-solving, conflict resolution, and self-regulation, ultimately strengthening the parent-child bond. It encourages proactive teaching of acceptable behaviors along with clear communication of the consequences of misbehavior. Effective discipline means anticipating undesirable actions instead of merely reprimanding them, with an emphasis on teaching right from wrong through calm guidance and established rules. Ultimately, the goal is to equip children with the tools they need to thrive, while maintaining a relationship grounded in trust and understanding, ensuring healthy growth and development.
Why Is Positive Discipline Important For Children?
Positive discipline enables children to understand the connection between their actions, the consequences, and their effects on others. This approach helps parents and caregivers maintain calm, reducing stress and guilt as they avoid controlling their child. Unlike traditional discipline, which focuses on punishment, positive discipline emphasizes fostering a healthy relationship with children and setting clear behavioral expectations.
It encourages teaching rules proactively and reinforcing positive behaviors while addressing undesirable actions compassionately. By treating children with respect within loving boundaries, they develop their conscience and learn self-control, responsibility, and thoughtful decision-making.
The approach promotes cooperation, compassion, and problem-solving without resorting to threats or harsh measures. Importantly, it helps children feel a sense of belonging and significance. Positive discipline is effective in the long term, nurturing valuable social and life skills, and strengthening parent-child relationships. This method is essential for a child's emotional stability, safety, and overall development.
It guides children towards socially acceptable behavior while respecting their rights to healthy growth and protection from violence. Ultimately, positive discipline supports children in becoming responsible, self-disciplined individuals, equipping them with skills to face future challenges successfully.
What Are The 4 Types Of Parenting Styles?
This discussion outlines four main parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved/neglectful. Each style represents a unique approach to child-rearing, with parents often blending attributes from multiple categories depending on various situations. Authoritarian parenting is characterized by strict rules and low flexibility, while authoritative parenting involves high responsiveness and demandingness, fostering open communication.
Permissive parenting, marked by high responsiveness but low demandingness, lacks strict boundaries. Conversely, uninvolved or neglectful parenting lacks engagement and nurturing. These styles significantly influence how parents discipline, communicate, and make decisions, which in turn impacts children's development and self-esteem. Developed in the 1960s by psychologist Diana Baumrind, the categorization of parenting styles has been widely researched by mental health professionals.
Understanding these styles is crucial for parents aiming to foster healthy relationships with their children and support their development effectively. Ultimately, while distinct categories exist, it is natural for parents to adapt their approach based on circumstances, highlighting the complexity and variability of parenting strategies.
What Is The Mother Of All Discipline?
Philosophy is often regarded as the "mother of all disciplines" due to its expansive subject matter and foundational questions that give rise to various fields of study. Its roots trace back to early Homo sapiens, influencing disciplines as diverse as biology, engineering, and geography, the latter also being called the "mother of all sciences." The 19th century marked the formal emergence of geography as a discipline, further evolving in the 20th century with contributions from prominent geographers like A. V. Humboldt and Karl Ritter.
Philosophy employs critical thinking and reasoning to address fundamental inquiries about reality, ethics, and knowledge. It serves as a framework that shapes how we approach other disciplines. The evolution of scientific fields often began as philosophical discourse, emphasizing the interconnectedness of philosophy and science. Ancient philosophers sought to explain natural and social phenomena, providing definitions that laid the groundwork for future inquiry.
While the significance of philosophy as a foundational discipline is widely acknowledged, some critique this view, arguing for the validity of non-Western philosophical traditions. Nonetheless, philosophy remains essential for justifying concepts within other disciplines, as every idea ultimately stems from a pursuit of truth. In summary, philosophy's foundational role fosters the development of diverse fields and shapes our understanding of the world.
What Is Positive Discipline In Parenting?
Positive discipline focuses on teaching and guiding children rather than punishing them, fostering a nurturing and supportive environment. Dr. Nelson outlines five principles of Positive Discipline: it is kind and firm, helps children feel a sense of belonging, is effective long-term, and focuses on good behavior rather than punishment. This technique promotes a healthy parent-child relationship through respectful communication and positive reinforcement.
Positive discipline emphasizes the development of social and life skills while maintaining mutual respect. It teaches parents to balance kindness with firmness, and it is rooted in Adlerian Psychology. This method acknowledges children's rights to healthy development, protection from violence, and participation in learning. By addressing both behavior and underlying beliefs, positive discipline helps children learn valuable life skills in a compassionate manner.
The ultimate goal is to guide children toward socially acceptable behaviors, ensuring their safety and supporting their development. By setting clear expectations and focusing on positive traits, parents can effectively nurture their children's growth and create an atmosphere of trust and connection.
Which Parenting Style Teaches A Positive Type Of Self Discipline?
Authoritative parents aim to foster compliance through understanding rather than strict enforcement. They emphasize autonomy, encouraging children to develop self-discipline, maturity, and respect for others by providing concrete advice and emotional support. Similarly, gentle parenting promotes a strong, positive relationship between parent and child, balancing empathy, respect, and boundary-setting. This approach encourages adults to understand children's behavior and respond with compassion.
Positive discipline focuses on teaching self-discipline and problem-solving skills in a supportive environment, using strategies like praise and rewards to reinforce good behavior. Authoritative parents view mistakes as learning opportunities, employing logical consequences and reasoning instead of harsh punishments. They invest time in preventing behavioral issues, fostering a sense of responsibility in their children while considering their feelings.
Authoritative parenting is distinguished by high responsiveness and demands, aiming for values and independence without punishment. Overall, methods like positive and gentle parenting emphasize nurturing, understanding, and teaching appropriate behavior through respectful communication and connection, marking them as preferred styles for effective child-rearing.
What Is The Most Effective Parenting Style For Discipline That Works?
Authoritative parenting is widely recognized as the most effective parenting style due to its unique blend of warmth and structure. This balanced approach promotes clear communication and age-appropriate expectations, helping children develop emotional stability and social skills. Research indicates that an assertive parenting style, which combines firm structure with flexibility, enhances discipline effectiveness. Authoritative parents are characterized by high responsiveness and demand, providing both support and guidance.
This parenting style facilitates children's growth, enabling them to navigate social responsibilities while cultivating independence and goal-setting abilities. While it is suggested that parents may need to adapt their styles based on individual child needs, authoritative parenting stands out for its encouragement of cooperation and learning through discipline. Key traits include warmth, nurturance, and an environment fostering security.
Overall, authoritative parenting is the ideal approach, offering a comprehensive framework that benefits children's emotional development and prepares them for adult challenges. Ultimately, it promotes responsible behavior while maintaining loving and supportive relationships.
What Parenting Styles Are Disciplinarian?
Authoritarian parenting, often referred to as the disciplinarian style, is characterized by high expectations and strict rules accompanied by firm punishment. These parents demand blind obedience from their children without explaining their reasoning. This one-way communication can lead to children distancing themselves, as they often feel unheard and controlled. Indicators of this style include beliefs such as children should be seen and not heard, or a strict adherence to rules with little regard for a child's feelings.
There are four primary parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful, each differing in levels of structure and discipline. Authoritarian parents impose strict guidelines and expect complete compliance, prioritizing control over emotional warmth. In contrast, authoritative parents combine high demands with responsiveness, allowing children some input in their boundaries, which fosters better relationships and positive learning from mistakes rather than punishment.
The article suggests that parents can adapt their styles based on situations, particularly where safety is concerned. Understanding these styles can help parents recognize their approach to discipline and its implications on children's future behavior and relationships. Emphasizing supportive discipline rather than punitive measures is seen as a more effective method for encouraging positive behavior in children.
How To Discipline A Child That Won'T Listen?
Ten effective healthy discipline strategies focus on teaching children self-control and moral character, rather than merely punishing them. Key strategies include:
- Show and Tell: Use calm words and actions to demonstrate right from wrong.
- Set Limits: Clearly define boundaries for behavior.
- Give Consequences: Ensure that consequences for rule-breaking are consistent.
- Hear Them Out: Listen to your child's feelings and concerns.
- Give Attention: Acknowledge positive behavior to reinforce it.
- Catch Them Being Good: Praise when they behave well.
- Know When Not to Respond: Recognize minor issues that don’t require a response.
- Be Prepared for Trouble: Anticipate challenges and plan responses in advance.
- Speak Respectfully: Engage with them positively, avoiding yelling.
- Practice Emotional Acceptance: Validate your child's feelings and support them in calming down.
When dealing with children who struggle to listen, it is crucial to understand underlying reasons and maintain a firm yet compassionate approach. Parents are encouraged to reflect on their own behavior, use simple requests, and provide guidance in a respectful manner. This creates a supportive environment that fosters respect, improves communication, and builds stronger family relationships.
📹 The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy Becky Kennedy TED
Everyone loses their temper from time to time — but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child.
I used the technique that Peterson described. When my kids decided they would behave, I said. “Great I am glad you are here!” And if they did not come back, after a few minutes, I went to them, that I missed them and I hope they are ready to join soon. One time, one of my kids told me he was not ready to come out. I said OK, I hope you will be ready soon. The final time out was my child acting up, I told them that they need to go to their room until they are ready to behave and he said, I am ready now. I said OK, that’s great! He thought he discovered how not to have timeouts. As result, he immediately starting behaving whenever I gave him the look. This is the transition from timeouts to “the look”.
Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Relationship without rules leads to resentment. Once a while children WILL push the boundaries to explore what their selfish nature can get. But if they do it all the time, you might not have a relationship with your kid to begin with. Most of the children, their love language are quality time and touch and from time to time give them word of affirmation (if you read 7 love language, you know what i’m referring to). To discipline is to love, parents who lack discipline don’t love their kids.
6:01 – “Who are you to impose your rules on your child?” “Well, I’m his parent.” “But what gives you that right?” “…It isn’t exactly my right, it is my responsibility.” and, my favourite part: “It’s not like I want to put my child on the steps…It’s not pleasurable. I don’t want the kid to be a squalling, wretched reprobate that everyone hates.” I often tell my kids that this is not fun for me, when I have to enforce a rule. That it is for their benefit, not mine.
Minimum necessary rules. And rules need to be flexible. I remember when my oldest son was 13 and he yelled “You don’t love me” at me during an argument so I took him outside, waved vaguely at the outside world and said “This is where all the people I don’t love live, You’re welcome back when you realize that I do love you.? and went inside and closed the door. Took less than 10 minutes.
I was perusal an old Q and A from Dr. Peterson a number of years ago. Dr. Peterson got in a bind with technology and his son, Julian, came in to help him. The way Dr. Peterson looked up at him with such glowing pride and love and the way Julian patted his Dad gently on the shoulder said everything about their relationship. Dr. Peterson’s excellent relationship with his daughter Mikhaila is much more public. But for some reason, it was that moment with Julian that touched me deepest. Whatever the two of them did in raising their children, they did good.
I learnt this in my life. Now my kids who are still young are showing positive signs of love and respect to each other. Me and my siblings used to fight like cat and dog and our parents didn’t know how to mould and shape us. One of my worst regrets is the way me and my siblings treated each other. I want better for my kids.
“I’m holding my tongue and my nose simultaneously, because of all the things that are going on here that I can’t dare to talk about. God that’s a terrible way to live.” Damn JP, you cut deep into my soul here. Thank you for sharing all this knowledge, it has tremendously improved my life during the past few years.
I recently graduated from college and I have more time in-between starting my job. I helped my mother around the house and tried to be a good daughter. I noticed that the house is much calmer if my mother has some help around the house. I wanted to help her for a while but school took up a lot of my time and was very stressful on top of that. Its amazing what a feeling of peace in the house will do. I can rest in my soul. Sounds a bit silly but thats what it feels like. It sort of spreads out to everyone in the house. It lifts everyone spirits and makes even the bad moments more bearable.
The last 30 seconds hit me hard. My mother is like this, there was always something wrong and she started fights with my dad all the time. But we were never allowed to mention what the fight was about or talk about it, she always acted like nothing happened the next day. It broke me in so many ways. My husbands stepfather was the same. So now when my husband and I disagree we sort out the problem immediately. Its nice to be in a home where you can relax and talk openly.
I’m a solo mum of twin toddlers… It has taken me many years to feel like I’ve evolved sufficiently to check my own blind spots in order to parent effectively without a co-parent constantly checking on me. I do hope my close friends will do this for me if I ever lose my way, and i still hope to find a co-parent down the track (althought that’s a whole other ball-game letting someone else in). In the meantime, my mum has been criticising that I’m too easy going with my boys, that i let too many things go, she’s more old-school than i am, wants me to set strict rules for every minutia of pragmatic life, strict times for everything etc. I wanted to do some research on softer vs. more authoritative parenting just incase I’m doing them a misservice by being more lenient, allowing their preferences to alter our schedules, but my gut feeling has been that developing a solid deep loving relationship of loving kindness and respect with my children is my best chance of shaping who they will become, rather than asserting my authority over them when they are too little to fight back… i stumbled on this article and I’m stoked that my concept of parenting is virtually identical to Jordan’s. As minimal interference as required for my children to learn how to behave like decent human beings, strong, swift responses when they do misbehave and then immediate and unfaltering love and forgiveness as soon as they are ready to behave again. I put my stronger willed toddler in his cot for time out after giving him a few chances to correct his misbehaviour without my intervention and i tell him to let me know when he’s calmed down and is ready to behave properly (let me change his nappy, say sorry to his brother etc) and it’s truly a beautiful moment, when he’s let out his steam, ridden the wave of his emotions and then lifts his arms up asking for me, and crawls gratefully back into mummy’s loving arms knowing that all is forgiven and forgotten.
My mother used to have temper tantrums, completely out of control, sometimes in public to. It’s true, that’s something that will scar you for life as a kid. I used to resent my mother for it but I have let it go some years ago. Now I have kids of my own, still toddlers, but I have learnt to control my own temperament, or I can recognize fairly quickly and adjust. I consider raising kids part of higher purpose so I won’t let them succumb to this. Keep your head level and your own (negative) emotions in check with them, it’s easy to unwillingly condition them to undesirable behavior if you haven’t sorted yourself out.
This philosophy is spot on. As a young kid I needed less rules. The environment was too restrictive. Especially the school I was on was really dogmatic and rigid. It killed my creativeness and demonized my search for boundaries and truth. Didn’t know at the time off course. So I rebelled hard against all authorities.
Thanks, Dr. & Mrs. Peterson! I LOVE this one. You two are a Godsend! Happy Mothers Day! Thanks for all you do! I wouldn’t be who I am without your teachings. I mean that. You’ve helped me (and, consequently, my family) through the darkest times of my life thus far. “Thank You” seems hardly sufficient… Thank You 💕🙏🏼🥲
I grew up in what i believe to be loving family but extremely strict parents..obedience was most important to them…. they pride themselves as successful at parenting, i got a good life, independent, got higher education, traveled and lived abroad…. but as much as i love them, i don’t miss them…. i was happy to be out….. and barely feel the need to be with them…. which makes me wonder how good of a job did they really do.
00:01 Mindestens erforderliche Regeln, um die Einhaltung guter Regeln aufrechtzuerhalten. 01:37 Förderung von Freundlichkeit und Freundschaft mit Geschwistern 03:03 Die Durchsetzung von Regeln hängt vom Kind ab 04:26 Zu den wirkungsvollsten Disziplinarmaßnahmen gehört es, Kindern, die sich schlecht benehmen, eine Auszeit zu geben. 05:44 Als Eltern liegt es in Ihrer Verantwortung, Ihrem Kind Regeln aufzuerlegen. 07:08 Der Einsatz von minimal notwendiger Gewalt und Auszeiten als wirksame Strategie bei der Kindererziehung. 08:43 Wutanfälle bei Kindern verstehen und bewältigen 10:00 Schaffen Sie eine friedliche und harmonische Umgebung zu Hause
That sibling rule will be one of my top rules. I always hated mean siblings portrayed in tv shows or movies. I feel like your sibling is the person you should show the utmost kindness to. I have 3 older sisters so I get it — we see each other’s ugly side and know way too much about one another so can hurt each other the most.
With my son it was/is pretty simple. What I say goes, don’t be a butthole, do the things you should and don’t do the things you shouldn’t. He’s 10 now and it’s a little more complicated obviously. As a full time single dad since he was a baby it was really important and still is. He is and always has been an amazing kid. Right now we talk about his “job” and how important it is. His “job” is to be a kid. A good kid to put it short. Just like it’s my “job” to be a good dad. He takes it pretty seriously and he expects me to hold up to my end of the bargain too lol.
Yeah, my wife and I have no clue what we’re doing, guess we’ll find out how we did in about 16 years… When our toddler throws a tantrum, we’ve noticed that, unlike an adult, he’s not mad at us, not really, he’s mad at what’s happening, which is totally fair when this whole life thing is new to you. So what we do, is swallow our anger and frustration, and keep our cool, and pretend we’re on his side. We’ll take him to his room and hold onto him as he struggles to leave. Saying things like, it’s ok, we understand, deep breaths, you got this. And after awhile, we can legit see him trying to get a hold of himself, and as he actually calms down and stops, and becomes capable of speech again, we tell him good job, emotions can be tough but you wrangled them real good, how do you feel now? And usually we can talk about the situation briefly, and then he’s happy as a clam and we move on. It is real hard on us though, wish I knew how long I could expect this phase to last.
I have no kids, still perusal this. Ive read the rule about “never let your kids do anything that makes you dislike them” oh boy, my niece is a perfect example as to why this is important. She is turning 7 and she really isn’t fun to be around. My nephew(different parents) on the other hand who is 2,5 is such a delightful kid to be around, super cute. However I always feel a little bit bad about it because I do know that my niece* gets less nice/fun things because of the difference in behavior. *she has been diagnosed with ODD and autism, trying to correct her behavior she just stone-walls. It is exhausting trying to navigate her behavior, I am weary for her future, but as an aunt I can’t influence her that much (not like she listens to me anyway 😂)
the rules in my house growing up were pretty minimal; 1. if we call you home, you come home. 2. violence between siblings or toward parent will be punished severely, spanking, solitude (locked in your room without any entertainment like games or tv), and you WILL apologize to whomever you wronged. 3. in our own judgement, if a situation became too dangerous we leave by any means necessary (physically walk out, call parents for a pickup, or if its a scenario like we are punched by a bully then we defend ourselves and get away ASAP)
If either of my boys teased or insulted the other, I would ask him to say 3 nice things about him… and they couldn’t be trite. I never ‘made’ them ‘apologize’ to each other bc forced apologies aren’t always genuine, but having to think of 3 nice things about the other made them really think about the reasons they actually liked/loved their brother. Also, to keep things fair and aggravation-free when having to split & choose treats, I would let one child cut or separate (say, a piece of cake or muffin or bag of chips) and then let the OTHER one choose. Sometimes the precision of the cutting/dividing would take MUCH longer than one would think. Also, any time we would go to store/market, I started by telling them both that unless they had at LEAST half the money in their pockets for whatever things they would inevitably find and bring me to buy for them, I didn’t even want to see it. If they DID find something they really wanted & had half the money for, I wold tell them to wait 24 hours and if they STILL wanted the thing then, and it was an agreeable & deserved item, I would bring them back for it. How many times did we EVER go back in 15 years?? NONE. ZERO. Saved me from the aggravation of being nagged about this and that toy while in the store and them alot of wasted money on nonsensical, cheap & crappy toys that got used once & broken or forgotten while also teaching them to hold onto their money for more important or meaningful things. Teaching children to self-regulate is probably the most important skill we can teach them.
Thanks for this. I remember all this from other times but i fear ive forgotten some. We’ve been teaching our little girl to read(from the book you suggested), she really gets a kick out of knowing, but boy does she wrestle with learning. Not the actual learning itself just sort of a fear of trying because when she does try shes as sharp as a razor.
My daughter is four and she is a very perceptive and intelligent child. Enough so, that instead of thinking up arbitrary rules and abstract punishments, she actually grasps WHY she needs to behave certain ways, and why she needs not to behave in other ways (I assume it would’ve been more tricky was she a boy). We of course have much larger amounts of patience than to anyone else in our lives, but we make her feel like we’re treating her as an equal, as we would approach other people. She throws food on the ground? We talk to her about why wasting food is a stupid idea. She keeps doing it? We let her go hungry for a while (no longer than few hours of course), because why would we give hard earned and laborously prepared food to someone who just wastes it. She now knows if she wastes food, it’s lost, and that it’s not infinite. We don’t have a rule “you should ask politely if you want something”. If she wants it, and she’s making demands, screaming and tapping her foot, we just ignore her until she asks nicely, as will anyone she meets later in life. We don’t have a rule “don’t run around the house”, we say “if you keep running around like a maniac you’ll trip and fall, and it’ll hurt”, and we let her run around, trip and fall. We will give some comfort when she’s in pain, but the lesson is learned without our intervention, better than any rule would do it. Of course it doesn’t go for absolutely everything, we will intervene when she’s doing anything potentially dangerous, or something that might end up with her breaking expensive things.
It depends on the child and the parents really. If you were an unruly child yourself, you will probably have unruly kids. If that is the case, you are in for a lot of yelling. If you have always been well-behaved, your kid will almost certainly be well-behaved. This might seem like ez-mode but you can make the mistake of ignoring them because they aren’t causing trouble. They still need a lot of attention and love.
The fact he has to ask the question ‘why do you think you deserve to impose rules on your child’ is so worrying for me. No doubt he has been asked that by some new age moron. Children need rules to understand how to operate in civil society and it has been shown in studies that children thrive in environments with reasonable rules that are fairly enforced. How little must you care for your child that you can’t even be bothered to help them grow into a decent functioning adult?
You can also think about it this way, when it comes to why you should discipline your children. Someone will correct their bad behaviors. That is inevitable. Who will do it is now the choice before you. If you won’t correct their misbehavior, society will, and it will be far more harsh in the ways that the correction takes place. It is better that it be you, the parents who have far more love and understanding to give that child than anyone else is likely to offer. Versus, some stranger, law enforcement officer, teacher, babysitter, etc. So, choice wisely on who will sculpt and mold your children into fuctioning adults. You can avoid a lot of pain and misery for your children in their lifetime, if you would just love them enough to correct their bad behaviors.
We only had a few rules, but they were enforced. Because we were involved in our children’s lives, we didn’t use grounding or curfews. We would discuss events and what was a reasonable time to return home. Instead of grounding, we used consequences. Why ground a kid and listen to the whining. Consequences are much more effective.
learning that alot of what we’ve been taught thoughout my life is misguided, things such as, men should not cry, any form of violence is wrong, aggressive children should be on drugs and countless other things thanks to peterson, some other Dr’s and other figures, thank you Jordan you’ve really helping me making sense of a world gone mad, discovering you has cheered me up some but more so given me some hope over the past month since i’ve been perusal your websites, also you had me in stitches throughout this, I can her the love you have for you children and the people of the earth.
I did the countdown, too. And i would start at the number that would give them time to perform. If he or she wasn’t making progress by 3 or 2, i didn’t go down to zero. It works with boys and girls who aren’t mine, too, lol. The PE class was off in the bushes and trees when i joined a few minutes late, rather than doing warmups. FIVE! FOUR! THREE! oh boy were they scrambling to get back where they were supposed to be!
Oh, to be a man of virtue, With compassion in his soul, To live a life of honor, And to make his heart his goal. To treat his fellow man with kindness, And to love his neighbor true, To be a friend to all who need him, And to help them see it through. For virtue is the key to happiness, And compassion is its guide, To live a life of love and kindness, And to never leave one’s side. So let us strive to live with virtue, And to treat each other well, For in the end, it is our kindness, That will make our story tell. And when the final day has come, And we look back on our life, May we be proud of all we’ve done, And the love we shared in strife. For there is no greater joy in life, Than to be a man of virtue true, To live a life of love and kindness, And to make our hearts anew. Dedicated to jordan and t Campbell mbt
I didn’t have a lot of rules either growing up. When my dad found out I did something stupid he would have a long talk about it at every angle he would tell me stuff he did and how when ur younger you don’t realize what the consequences can be like when u took my car the reason I know is because the neighbor told me he said you were spinning the tires and his kids were playing 30ft away now imagine you hurt those kids u would go to jail and daddy’s checkbook can’t get u out of that and when u get out of jail u try to get a job do u think a good company wants to hire someone with a criminal record? No they don’t. One time at 12 years old my friend and I found some nails in a parking lot and were caught trying to put them under a cars tire by a cop and when my dad talked to me he said would you do that to my car? If ur friend did it to my car would u think it’s wrong? If someone did that to u would u be mad? Ok why would u do that to someone then? He explained everything from all angles so I understood what’s right and wrong and the consequences and how doing things like this will lead u down a bad road u will meet worse and worse people and become that person if that’s what you wanna do then go ahead throw ur life down the toilet I just want to educate you that life isn’t all like it seems when ur young and feel like ur parents will get u out of Everything. IMO parents need to have conversations like that not just yell at them saying how stupid they are and how they are grounded for a month.
My whole young parental life I was resentful of being the disciplinary instead of my husband. Now, after our divorce (we were young and stupid) I’m thankful for it. Apparently him and his GF bought an extra mirror for the hallway so the boys don’t fight over the bathroom in the morning. When I heard this I thought to myself “can’t relate.” We three share ONE bathroom. We discuss the morning rotation each night before bed in case any adjustments need to be made. The schedule is LAW and bickering isn’t allowed. We are a unit with a common goal. I also respectfully spoke to the ex about that being total BS. They KNOW how to act. Basically, I ratted the boys out. I really think discipline as a child helps educate the parent on what works for the individual child as well as the unit like Dr. Peterson mentioned. Teenagers are rough but you at least need a foundation by then. That includes being viewed as an authority figure as well. When I was a little girl my dad compared it to raising a puppy. A well trained puppy makes a happy dog that you can bring places and do things with. My eldest and I now have excellent communication. My ex was upset that I was the first to find out about the GF. Because I was the discipline. We have a foundation of respect. We are functional enough to engage in conversation now. My biggest concern is them thinking it’s acceptable to act up at their father’s. By act up I mean things like fighting of course. They’re honors students, generally respectful, and don’t get into trouble.
We could never tolerate lying or cruelty, so I guess those were the basic rules for our children. The other aspect though was that there was always the possibility to move forward from any disagreement or wrong doing, through acknowledgement, understanding and forgiveness. Mistakes are part of the learning process.
I’ve never had to fight a 2-year-old as Dr. Peterson suggests. But I do have a story about a tussle with a 5-year-old that went very much in my favor. I’m a Taekwondo instructor. I had opened the school before class, and there were two brothers that were just bugging each other nonstop. After about the fifth warning, I told them, “If either of you does that again, you have to sit out next to your mom until class starts.” They both agreed. For about a minute. Then the younger brother was bugging his older brother again. I told him to sit out. He just looks at me smugly and says, “No.” So I picked him up and carried him out. He started crying. His mom backed me up. A few minutes after class started, he was over it and had a good time.
If you really want to be a good father, just read the Bible. It is easy. There are at least 7 verses that tell you exactly how to have good, respectful, children. As for you women out there, let the men handle the discipline and stick up for the father. If you disagree, do NOT say it in front of the kids. Only later, in private.
I absolutely LOVE JORDAN PETERSON. I KNOW EVERYONE IS IN TITLED TO THEIR OPINION BUT, HES NEVER ONCE TOLD PARENTS TO HIT THEIR KIDS JUST TO SIMPLY BE STURN AND STICK WITH IT. AS IF HES WRONG. I MEAN LOOK AT THE MAJORITY OF US. FD UP BECAUSE WE UNRESOLVED ISSUES FROM OUR PAST, GOT TOLD TO KEEP YOUR FEELINGS TO YOURSELF AND SO FORTH. ANYWAYS. I LOVE HIS TACTICS. IF I WOULD OF KNEW ABOUT HIM SOONER WHEN MY KIDS WERE LITTLE. ID DEFINITELY WOULD OF TRIED HIS METHODS.
I am the mother of two children who are now over 40. We made a lot of mistakes but and I did scream too much. I never expected to be a full time stay at home mom and then a homeschooling mom. I had no good examples of parents. But my husband said that was better than ice coldness since it was over soon. Anyway several things I did right IMHO. First if our son was flailing or attempting to take on his father. (kid 2 yo Father 6’4″) My husband would hold him in a gentle bear hug until he could calm down. Although it was somewhat hilarious to see my husband holding him away with a hand on our son’s head as he windmilled his arms. We did not make our kids say they were sorry. And if they said it we asked what they were sorry for. I also learned that for the most part mediating in there fights was a useless endeavor. We told them it was their job to get along. If they were squabbling, we made them separate until they were ready to get along. I never know what one of them did to provoke the other so unless there was imminent danger, blood or disfigurement, I would tell them to separate until they got along. All the toys belong to me so if they were fighting over one of my toys, I took it away. Once I sent them to their beds. At this point we had a two bedroom house and they shared a room with bunk beds, so I couldn’t send them to their rooms. A little later I peeked in and they were holding hands. The other important do not make rules based on your opinions. For example do not forbid your child to wear red because you don’t like it.
Personality is always a roll of the dice with family genetics. Sociopathic personalities(society’s greatest problem) have always been a percentage of the population regardless of parenting. You can do your best and should but genetics will always be genetics and we should always be aware that nurture has limited influence over nature.
We highly enforce the sibling rule. Our kids are probably tired of hearing “When dad and I are dead and gone, you will have each other. Protect your relationship now.” The two brothers are to be their sister’s protectors and they are all to be respectful to each other. They don’t like it now, but they will. 😉
I think we have some basic rules. All revolve around not being destructive essentially. Breaking stuff, hurting people, making messes etc. Weve tried time outs, spankings, taking away treats/snacks or toys. He STILL loves being destructive and he makes himself miserable because of it because he is constantly getting in trouble.
I give up on my 8yo stepson. He is disrespectful and backtalks and mocks my husband, who allows it. My husband has said many times that he is a “lazy parent”, which is very much so is. Most of our fights during our nine years together, have been about parenting because he has let the kids do whatever they want, whenever they want. My stepson even backtalks and mocks his grandparents. I am the only one he has never backtalked to, or been poorly behaved to. When my stepson is at school, he is a wicked child who has ridiculous tantrums, fake cries, lies and pretends to pull at his hair to try to get out of things, with his teacher and his peers, and has assaulted multiple little girls. The teacher does nothing about it and never tells us about his behaviors. I have tried so much positive reinforcement of telling him I believe in him and all sorts of things, mixed with some punishments and he tells me he likes lying, he likes behaving badly, and says he will not stop; even during the punishment. He does it every single day at school and said, even this morning, he was planning on doing it again today. His classmates tell him they don’t like him and that he is mean. He tells me that makes him sad and mad, and that he wants friends, but every time, tells me he does not want to change. He thinks they’re stupid and that they should change and see how awesome he is. He wants them, including his teacher, to do what he wants and when they don’t, he repeats all said bad behaviors. He suffers academically because he refuses to pay attention in school, but says is jealous of the other kids who are ahead of him.
What if (in a fit of anger) your grown son murdered his spouse and then his self? Will you still love the memory you had of him before the crime occurred? From the book … Canadian Quotations, edited by John Robert Colombo … Published 2006 Violence A man is more than the worst thing he has ever done. Sentence from the seven-page, handwritten suicide note left by Ralph Hadley, the postal worker who stalked and then murdered his estranged wife and himself, sparing their 11-month-old son, 20 June 2000, Pickering Ont., in Renee Huang, “Fatal Attractions” The Globe and Mail, 23 June 2000.
Yeah because you liking your kids is surely the most important bit, not them liking themselves. Makes sense why so many kids end up hateing their parents, with this type of attitude. Imagine having all the advantages of biology on your side so the kids are primed to love you, and you still fuck up. Peterson giving out authortarian advice as always
A question asked to one’s self Do u like yourself …. A deep question into ur own consciousness We suffer from the sins of the father so as to say to raise children you actually like it to use your third eye and say awww yes I see that pattern in myself and what thats inflicting on my child Children are little people but PEOPLE. Should be spoken to and addressed as people respect shown is respect given Life is so elementary it’s our own persons that deviates from being simple I’ll come up with some content soon
What do you do when a two year old boy screams hysterically every time they go to see their dad, saying no, no go away, and I mean every time, of course you want children to see their dad but is it normal for them to be so upset, asking about my friends toddler, I’ve never seen a child get so upset and it’s actually very worrying, social workers insist he still goes even tho he truly gets very upset, he even makes himself sick, what would you do in this situation? They say it’s normal but I can clearly see it’s not, can this effect a child in the future from the trauma and can I help this person help this child it’s heart breaking to watch…
My parents we very strict when I was growing up. Maybe because they were less strict with their first child, my sister. Although I was given free roam of the entire neighborhood at an early age, my mother was so against article games. This was back in the late 80s / early 90s. Only after allllll the chores were done was I able to play, but my mother would set a kitchen timer above the tube tv and set it to 15 min. And that was it. A whole 15 min. So as you can probably guess, after I moved out of my parents house, I wanted to make up for lost time and probably took it to far. That isn’t to say I didn’t become a successful person – I’ve owned and operated a small business for 13 years now, but still to this day, article games are my favorite hobby and I put in a good 20-25 hours per week. Sorry mom!
Jordan is very wrong on the topic of child discipline. Timeouts are not healthy and actually cause larger more serious mental health problems in children when they grow up. Time out is conditional love and as parents we need to love our children unconditionally. When a child of 2 has to sit on the steps away from his family, they learn the lesson that they are not loved and they can not express their authenticity. They then suppress their feelings to have attachment to the family at the cost of losing authenticity.
Spare the rod, spare the child. Children today are too entitled & I blame parents, especially the ones that give in all the time & the cell phones. I’m a strict person/parent & was how I was raised, respect & obedience by all means. I’ve dealt w/my step children for the past 10+ yrs & its mind blowing to see the obedience from one group & the feralness & entitlement of the others. My step have cells phones provided by their father, my kids do not own a cell. Told em earn it, nothings just given w/o sacrifice
There was no ‘counting’ in MY house. There were 2 rules: 1. You do what I tell you the first time. 2. You don’t need to know why. If I feel like telling you why, I will, otherwise forget it. With child #1, she would just get “the look” and she would do what she was being told. Child #2 needed a spanking frequently. & no, they are not traumatized. & yes, they can think for themselves now. We love each other & by 3-4 yrs old, they were a joy to be around. Everyone loved them, they followed the rules, I could take them anywhere, they got invited to do a lot with other adults because they behaved & were fun. My husband & I back each other up on “rules”, especially as they have gotten older. Often we talk about an “upcoming” problem before we are confronted with it & ask each other, “well, how do we want to go about this?” We also reserved the right to veto the other’s unreasonable demands. Its tempering. this is why a 2 Parent household is a NECESSITY. And I’m talking about 2 parents that talk to each other, like each other & are looking out for the family’s best interest.
How’s this working these day’s? Glad I got a dose of this! Not what I thought, I always wonder what would have happened if I found a nice english speaking community within the past who had better evolved science and didn’t need to have fights because they kept life and networking simple to keep social issue’s at a minimum! I guess it depends where you stay and somthing’s are not about exuasted resources because some people are not good at consuming! Did anyone get somthing there? Thier’s a win! Need the shirt tomorrow? You also got me without! Where to stay safe?
After one and a half year of listening to Jordan talks, I may have found a bug in the reasoning in this one. People do not randomly choose who to have kids with. So, I don’t think we can easily argue that the probability of both parents being crazy in the same way is very low. Parents are usually not 2 individuals drawns indipendently from a distribution. I think it’s reasonable to assume that the probability that they share a crazyness is actually relatively high.
I was unable to see what was going on inside unable to see my own inner thoughts as a child force didn’t work or harshness I guess I needed to experience gods love so I guess gentleness to help a child connect with their intentions a strong willed and rage was a problem sorry this is hindsight thankyou jp
hard being young and alone because you weren’t taught any skills to be sociable, you grew up in a family that didnt talk to each other… you never learned the value of hard work because things were just given to you willy nilly… and your hobbies didnt include things that taught you life lessons… hard to turn yourself around when you get older and only then realize your past
Jordan has some psychological issues regarding children, he deep down has a contempt and condones things toward all of us when we’re young which have been banned to do on criminals for years because they were considered too inhumane for them, don’t think because someone has impressed you on some topics they now must know what they’re talking about when it comes to every thing. B. F. Skinner’s behaviourism work (which JP condones) was firstly regarding animals not people and secondly is harmful when done unto people, there’s been many advancements in this field, his work is so obsolete it’s like appealing to a doctor who’s idea of making you better is leeches for blood letting, much work has been done on “reward/punishment” and their psychological effect on us humans (not animals) since then and it’s extremely damning it conditions everything from self-centred thinking (aka selfishness) low self esteem, resentment, increase in power struggles (and lust for power) aggression, violence and making misbehaviour more attractive when no one is perusal, which is when most of the awful behaviour in the world is done, this is far from a complete list. Jordan like many people is a misopedist, he has a condescending and ugly view of children and therefore of humanity, yes there is goodness in him of course but when it comes to this topic it’s the bad in him/damage he has incurred showing.
That’s it, laugh about aggression towards children.. this is why the world is in the mess it is… It is the parents responsibility to find ways to negotiate with children..NO MATTER WHAT, Its Interesting how Jordan never mentions once about asking the child what’s wrong and how to find a peaceful solution.. its just I have had enough now you do as I say or else I will escalate things.. Not the way Dr Peterson… Peaceful parenting is the only way..
Very good techniques for the direct cause and effect logical parenting style. It would be harder to do for single mothers, though. I believe we will like our kids more if we can connect to their most common obstacles they are facing today, in our current culture. youtube.com/watch?v=suH4qaPcuMc
he is talking some nonsense, putting pressure on the child by using elements of rudeness towards him, violating the child’s psychological health. Children see the world differently, for them throwing food on the floor is something new with which he gets acquainted, new sensations, etc. he gets to know the world, it’s the same as if you were thrown onto a new unknown planet where everything is different, you would also start touching and smelling everything there, etc.
Yas . Fine. exagerroverarted eye rolls.. c’mon old man….come at me bruh, 0= ) yeh ur voice is one i respect. it’s okay, acting. madness? hah! three’s a live recording a year or so back amongst mental health professionals. dayng, maybe i’m stat smart after all,. was helluh risky to be sure to be ^out ” academia… what say yawls what’s next ? what does political philosophy dept have to say ?? nice, Sir., i will listen. what say the warward sons. the wary ones. the wayward ones. ..
What I think is dangerous about what he is saying here is the ‘you are going to sit there UNTIL YOU’RE A DESIRABLE HUMAN BEING’. I don’t want to teach my kids to ALWAYS be desirable. My parents taught me to and now I have a very severe problem with not being able to not be desirable. Which means I don’t have healthy boundaries, I can’t say no, I can’t be authentic, show anger. And I find it really difficult to not teach the same thing but at the same time teach them to be desirable ENOUGH.
as great as you are, sir, your, uh, better-half, is fairly-outta-sight, i mean that in a good way: as in, how cool must she be, right? she’s that cool-or-better, obviously: congratulations, by the way:: respecto:: oh hey: what an audience you’ve got here:: isn’t this one of the coolest you tube’s ever seen? because if it isn’t, then i’d like to see that, y’know what i mean?
This is where JP shines! He loses me when he grifts on the Trump side and refuses to criticize the biggest child of all. DJT literally became that a hole everyone hates bc he didn’t get discipline. By him falling to see that he has lost credibility in my eyes. Psychologically speaking, I think he does it because he enjoys The attention and support he gets from that side due to most of those people being emotionally lost white men. He feels like a dad and can’t disappoint them by criticizing the savior.
I am deeply disappointed that you hold no advice nor availability to message you privately on any platform for anyone that holds a valid counter argument. Especially considering the amount of message volume you receive. Probably why you do not accept private messages, however from a consumers point of view where the majority of your articles and content are aimed at men, I find this very frustrating. The fact you hold no valid argument for AD/HD in women is astonishing and you keep referring back to male traits such as lack of rough and tumble play, deeply irritates me as you lack any valid argument for men. Aside from that, my main reason for messaging you is the article based on the death of a parent and yet again, you stick to the male consensus of dealing with a parent’s death and having to be tough and the strength of the family during the funeral. I dealt with my dad’s death unexpectedly lady year and he was 49. I spent all my time being the rock and planning the funeral at 29 years old and not even crying once. You provide no quality or valid advice for women on a lot of subjects and this deeply irritates me as I find you have very valid points for the male gender so why not extended your supposed “”expertise” and “qualifications” to the female race or is it just taught one sided in psychology? I thoroughly enjoy your topics but I find they are lacking with my gender for the same topics of men?
Julian’s anger was a healthy reaction to Jordan’s severe repression of anger. Julian was expressing his frustration with being trapped by Jordan and Tammy’s relentless gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a human being’s fundamental experiences and developmental needs are met with “I don’t know what you mean!” and “There must be something wrong with you (not me)!”.
As usual completely useless advice. What’s the child supposed to do when the adults never listen to them, to the point where it doesn’t matter what the child says, they will never ever get even heard, not even acknowledged. And in my case, what if the child has to go to bed starving every day? What then Jordan?