Good parenting skills prioritize a child’s safety, security, and physical and emotional well-being. Examples of good parenting include unconditional love, validation, praise, and clear boundaries. The 4 Cs of parenting include care, consistency, choice, and consequences. Lara Aknin’s research shows that children find happiness through giving to others, and sacrificially giving to others leads to greater happiness.
Good parents have communication skills, emphasizing healthy behavior instead of bad ones. Patience is one of the most important qualities of a good parent. Decades of research reveal 10 essential parenting skill sets, with giving love and affection being the top list. Parents should focus on teaching and training, encouraging open communication, and helping their children grow up successful.
Essential parenting skills for new parents include competencies from communication to empathy. These skills are not only about managing daily demands but also about nurturing a child’s well-being. Good parenting skills help a child grow up to have high self-worth, a healthy attachment style, compassion, self-compassion, and trust. Parents should focus on teaching and training, encouraging open communication, and helping their children.
Good parenting skills are essential for parents to guide, nurture, and use parenting skills that will enable their children to grow up successful. These skills include life skills, behavior management, time management, follow-through, consistency, self-control, empathy, connection, authority, and logic.
Parenting requires a large range of skills, more than most jobs, and often performed under stressors like lack of sleep. Effective communication is key in any relationship, and parenting is no exception. Patience and empathy are essential skills for parents to develop and practice.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| The Top 10 Good Parenting Skills and Practices | A list of the top 10 essential parenting skill sets that are predictors of a strong parent-child bond and a child’s happiness, health and success. | evergreenpsychotherapycenter.com |
| 10 Skills of Competent Parents | Love and affection. “You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.” | leelanauchildrenscenter.org |
| 8 Parenting Skills That Make You Better at Your Job | Time management skills help parents to make the most of their available time, prioritise tasks and avoid feelings of overwhelm. | fdmgroup.com |
📹 10 Characteristics Of Highly Toxic Parents
DISCLAIMER: This video is for educational purposes only. This video is not a substitute for professional diagnosis, advice, …
What Are The 10 Responsibilities Of A Parent?
Parental responsibilities encompass various essential duties, including protecting children from harm, providing food, clothing, shelter, financial support, medical care, and education. While fostering overall happiness is important, parents must also set limits, which can lead to resentment at times. Parents serve as the primary educators, instilling values, morals, and life skills through their actions and guidance. The safety and well-being of children are paramount, emphasized by a checklist of responsible parenting practices based on personal experiences.
Key responsibilities include offering unconditional love, maintaining a safe and nurturing home, and promoting emotional stability. Moreover, parents have legal rights which enable them to be actively involved in their children's lives, alongside responsibilities to ensure proper upbringing. Research and family law outline these roles, which apply universally to biological and adoptive parents. While it is impossible to control every aspect of a child's life, fostering independent emotional regulation and boundaries through responsible parenting lays a strong foundation for their lives.
Parents who respect one another model healthy relationships for their children. However, the contemporary parenting landscape can feel overwhelming, highlighting the necessity for clarity in fulfilling these vital responsibilities effectively.
What Are The 10 Most Important Parenting Skills?
The 10 primary parenting skills identified by Robert Epstein include: love and affection, stress management, relationship skills, autonomy and independence, education and learning, life skills, behavior management, health, spirituality, and safety. The foremost skill is love and support, emphasizing the importance of unconditional love, acceptance, and spending quality time with children. Effective parenting relies heavily on communication, particularly in nurturing environments, where children feel valued and understood.
Moreover, good parenting promotes critical life skills like empathy, responsibility, and problem-solving, which are vital for children's success and emotional well-being. The skills also encompass behavior management techniques that ensure children's safety and security while fostering their emotional and physical health.
Parents are encouraged to develop competencies that guide children toward emotional, social, and academic success. Key strategies include active listening, establishing clear boundaries, and being consistent with rules. Additionally, important parenting elements such as praise, encouragement of independence, and support for healthy living contribute to a child's positive development.
In summary, mastering these 10 essential parenting skills is crucial for building a strong, loving relationship and equipping children with the tools they need to navigate life's challenges.
What Are The 5 Pillars Of Parenting?
The sessions aim to help parents develop essential skills within five fundamental pillars of parenting: character, knowledge, action, steadfastness, and relationships. These pillars serve as a solid foundation for nurturing healthy relationships and encouraging resilience in children. The pillars encompass love, guidance, education, discipline, and communication, all essential for child development. Understanding these key components helps parents establish clear boundaries, promote positivity, and strengthen their bond with children.
An effective parenting approach is characterized by kindness, curiosity, unconditional love, daily fresh starts, and emotional responsibility. Parents are encouraged to embody the values they wish to instill in their children, as children learn largely through observation. The "Five Pillars of Parenting®" model provides a framework for conscious, mindful, and intentional parenting, moving away from traditional models. Programs like "5 Pillars of Parenting (4–11 Years)" specifically target Muslim parents and focus on effective communication, setting boundaries, and encouraging positive behavior.
By emphasizing respect, trust, and open communication, this parenting methodology fosters a nurturing environment. Overall, the goal is to equip parents with actionable strategies to raise well-adjusted children and cultivate a rewarding parenting experience that is fun, peaceful, and impactful for the family.
What Are 5 Ways Responsible Parenting?
Responsible parenting entails several essential qualities, including self-discipline, exemplary leadership, love, care, and patience. Responsible parents prioritize values such as honesty, kindness, compassion, and integrity over materialistic aspects like grades or expensive possessions. To foster positive parenting and reduce challenging behavior in children, it is vital to respect their autonomy while providing guidance and setting expectations.
Active listening, giving positive feedback, and establishing boundaries are crucial practices. Boosting a child’s self-esteem and being a good role model can significantly impact their development. Moreover, adopting socially responsible behaviors yourself encourages children to emulate these values. The PRIDE skills highlight effective parenting techniques that support children’s growth. It is essential to facilitate children's independence while providing adequate shelter, love, and safety.
Overall, responsible parenting requires attentiveness, skills, and commitment, shaping children into empathetic, self-reliant individuals. With informed practices like setting limits and making time for kids, parents can foster an environment conducive to positive development and meaningful connections.
What Are The 20 Responsibilities Of A Parent?
Parental responsibility encompasses a wide range of duties that parents must fulfill to ensure the well-being of their children. Key responsibilities include providing a safe living environment, protecting children from abuse and dangers, fulfilling basic needs such as food, water, and shelter, and ensuring proper discipline and education. Parents are legally obligated to maintain their children’s health and safety and promote their emotional and social development.
These responsibilities do not guarantee a child's happiness but aim to create a supportive and nurturing atmosphere. Parents must also pay child support as mandated and understand their children's interests to foster a strong bond. Additionally, ensuring a child’s legal rights and well-being is a critical component of parental responsibility, guided by laws and policies.
While parents can strive to guide their children towards becoming healthy and happy adults, they cannot control every aspect of their lives. It’s essential for parents to recognize their obligations, which derive from various sources, including national and international legislation. By acknowledging and effectively managing these responsibilities, parents can nurture their children with confidence while fostering trust and respect within the family. Ultimately, parental responsibility is about balancing support, guidance, and the provision of basic necessities for a child’s development.
What Parenting Skills Do Moms And Dads Need?
Parents need essential skills to nurture their children's growth, notably teaching responsibility, which is crucial for their overall development. From infancy to young adulthood, parents support their children's universal needs for optimal success. Reflecting on their upbringing, taking parenting classes, and enhancing their skills and confidence enables moms and dads to create a better future for their kids. Effective parenting requires continuous communication, especially during early childhood, where the bond between parent and child is forged.
Understanding various stages of parenting and developing key skills can significantly impact a family. The core qualities of good parenting, such as love and affection, play a vital role in raising happy, well-adjusted children. Both parents contribute unique traits—dads often add playfulness and exploration, while moms provide nurturing support. Creating routines fosters stability, benefiting the family as a whole.
Awareness of one's emotions as new parents is essential, as is teaching values like integrity and kindness through role modeling. Successful parenting involves balancing different styles and adjusting strategies as needed. Ultimately, cultivating effective parenting skills is fundamental to unlocking children's potential and helping them thrive in society.
How To Honor Your Parents When They Are Toxic?
Honoring dishonorable parents can be challenging, especially when they've caused significant harm. It is essential to avoid retaliation and instead practice forgiveness, understanding, and to pray for them, all while setting necessary boundaries to protect oneself from further abuse. Honoring does not mean being available for toxic behaviors; rather, it involves recognizing their humanity and the impact of their actions. Acknowledging boundaries, such as not allowing them to invalidate your pain, is crucial.
One can break the cycle of abuse by choosing grace over hate, becoming a light despite the darkness. This process may involve accepting that the parents may never change and letting go of unfulfilling expectations. Additionally, honoring abusive parents can include extending mercy, sharing the gospel, and expressing gratitude for any positive aspects of the relationship. It is important to recognize the signs of toxicity and manage one's emotional health, while still honoring God through the act of honoring one's parents. Ultimately, it's about maintaining one's integrity and health without falling victim to their destructive patterns, thereby ensuring that one honors both God and oneself.
What Are The Five Positive Parenting Skills?
Being a parent presents various challenges, yet it also offers opportunities to develop positive parenting skills, which include being encouraging, responsive, setting a good example, establishing boundaries, and being interactive. Effective parenting hinges on good communication, particularly during a child's toddler years. Key principles of positive parenting encompass clear expectations, positive reinforcement, relationship building, problem-solving strategies, and consistency.
Understanding the reasons behind a child's behavior is crucial, as it fosters emotional awareness and resilience. Different styles of positive parenting, like authoritative, attachment, and gentle approaches, emphasize warmth, empathy, and autonomy. Successful techniques include being present, leading by example, empathizing, and articulating boundaries positively. Creating a safe and engaging environment while employing assertive discipline and maintaining realistic expectations is essential. By integrating these strategies, parents can nurture healthy relationships and support their child's development at each life stage.
What Are The 4 C'S Of Positive Parenting?
The Four Cs of Parenting—Choices, Consequences, Consistency, and Compassion—are essential for effective parenting. They serve as a guiding framework for creating a nurturing environment for children. Emphasizing a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions can lead to improved behavior and compliance with parental rules. Understanding the reasons behind a child's behavior is crucial in driving effective parenting. Positive parenting is characterized by warmth, love, respect, and a focus on children’s emotional needs, guiding them through encouragement rather than control.
The Four Cs can help parents provide a supportive atmosphere, addressing various psychological, physical, and social aspects of their children's development. The 4 Cs also align with principles of conscious parenting: Calm, Clear, Connect, and Collaborate, which highlight the importance of maintaining parental composure and clarity. However, parents should avoid negative practices such as Criticism, Comparison, Competition, and Control.
Ultimately, understanding and applying the Four Cs fosters resilience and capability in children while building stronger bonds within the family. These principles, informed by research and counseling practices, help simplify and enhance daily parenting experiences.
📹 18 Things Great Parents Do Differently
What are some things great parents do differently? What traits do good parents have in common? While no parent is perfect, …
My parents literally checked every single item in this list. It’s amazing how much damage toxic parents can do to us. I’m over 40 years old, have had no contact with my parents for nearly 20 years and am STILL recovering from the PTSD caused by being raised by them. Thank goodness I was able to find a good therapist. I hope anyone who has gone through this can find healing through therapy as it’s helped me more than I ever could have imagined.
The stigma of “parents did their best” has got to end and we start acknowledging abuse for what it is. Child abuse. People like this do not deserve children, nor do they provide any value to the greater good of the world. I understand that these people often had abusive childhoods, but excusing it to allow the cycle of abuse to continue (which so often happens) is beyond irrational.
1. they are hypercritical 0:45 2. they don’t allow you to express your true feelings 1:22 3. they compete with you 3:01 4. they don’t see their children as individuals 3:40 5. they control their children using guilt and money 4:20 6. they always put their feelings first 5:01 7. they demand your attention and praise 5:34 8. they withold love as a form of punishment 6:06 9. they give no apologies and take no blame 6:48 10. they ignore healty boundaries 7:32 I hope I could help!:_PSIHug:
Watching these to learn what not to do with my kids. I grew up in a very toxic environment and I’m always on the lookout not to repeat what I went through, break the family cycle if you will. I am always questioning and teaching myself how to be a healthy parent because my babies deserve the absolute best, there’s a lot of doubt on myself but I’m trying really hard to be better everyday.
My mom hits everything on this list. I’m 37, and still only just scratching the surface of the damage she did to me. My dad isn’t wholly innocent, but his is more a fault of not seeing and recognizing the signs of the abuse that went on when he wasn’t home. She died two years ago, and I almost feel guilty at the relief of knowing she’s out of my life forever.
One I figured out I was a toxic parent I got help and apologized to my kids. I didn’t just say I’m sorry I apologized for forcing them to be perfect and ignoring what happiness looked like to them. I explained my whole life I had to be perfect not realizing it was a passed down cycle. I broke it. I told my kids perfection is an illusion. Success is what it look like to them. It starts with parents getting help and healing from toxic upbringing and apologizing to our babies and taking responsibility. As a parent I realized I’m not always right it’s my kids life. Our relationship is much better it’s weird because I’m a different person my kids are learning me I’m learning them. They’re 23 and 19 I’m 43 it’s never to late to break toxic family dynamics. I love my kids more than my pride and ego.
My mother is incredibly toxic. I haven’t talked to her in nearly 12 years now, after she tried to guilt trip me on her grandchild inspection visit. She retold one of my most painful memories as a child as having “spanked his little bottom”, when she had actually dragged me out of school, took me down an empty road and beat on me with a spatula until it broke, then complained about government interference when thw school had a home inspection done. She sent me an email when she found out I had cancer, that started out nice enough, but quickly tirned back into blaming me for everything that went wrong in her life. Ive just kept it no contact, seems like a safe way to deal with it.
I relate to this 100% . People used to tell me that it must have been hard living away from my parents, but the fact is it was such a relief. Never did i realized ive become one messed up adult who’s struggling with my own identity, having anxiety, also tough to know when and who to apply personal boundaries. Its like living my life in a box
I used to be the toxic parent. I had to take accountability for my stuff because others disliked me. When I started healing myself, I started noticing where my toxic behavior came from. And the parents that gave us this trait have ethical denial and every trait you mentioned. So glad for this article!!!
You are worthy, valuable and deserve to be loved, do not let your past define who you are, walk away from those people do not value you and bring negative energy to your life because you deserve the best. By walking away form those toxic people you are showing to the world how much you love yourself.
My mother is the textbook example of a toxic parent. My dad, bless his heart, does do everything he can to keep me and my brother happy and well cared for, but his wife is a whole nother story. She constantly is hounding on us for the things she wanted to do but never got to because she had us. Everytime there is even a small argument in the house, she dramatizes it and makes it all about her, no matter what the argument was even about. I get in trouble for things that are out of my control. I can’t help the hair color I was born with, or how tall I am. I cant change my genes, yet she still yells at me for every little detail that she sees as an “imperfection”. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize how toxic she truly is and that there will always be people who love and accept me for who I am. I’m currently 16, about to turn 17. I’m just counting the days till I can legally move out, and put this woman behind me. Edit: I’m now 17 and will be going into my senior year of highschool. She’s gotten worse over these past few months and my brother has called the police on her several times because he was scared that we were going to get hurt. This woman is insane. I’m choosing to ride it out till I graduate and can leave. I will be filing a restraining order against her when I am living on my own. My partner is the best person I could’ve asked for to help me through this. They are so beyond supportive and have told me time and time again that if I start feeling unsafe, all I have to do is text them and they will come and get me.
I’m really sorry to all the people who have these kinds of parents. My parents are lovely and they are literally the best parents, Alhamdulillah. They have always told me I can be anything I want when I grow up, and after reading all these comments and after realising how bad parents can be, I am reallly grateful for my parents. I hope all of u find love as well -14 yr old girl
I remember when I lived with my grandma and I got in trouble, she would make me write a essay or do a puzzle(she doesn’t believe in hitting or yelling at children, she also did this type of punishment with my mom and aunties and uncles when they were younger), then explain how my actions were wrong or bad. And I actually learned from that. Now that I live with my parents it’s either getting hit or told that they don’t love me. Like what the f can a person learn from that or grow as a person. at least I’ll be able to live with my grandma again when I go to college
My mom and stepdad are toxic and I’ve known this for a long time. I’ve distanced myself from them as much as I can, even though I still live in their house. It’s extremely hard every day but somehow I’m still here, fighting through it like many, many other people. I hope that anyone who can relate to me can heal and survive through these tough times. <3
Finally stopped trying & went no contact in Sept 2021 & started trauma therapy. It’s a tough pill to swallow, being told by a mental health professional that your parents have all the traits of narcisstic personality disorder & so lack comprehension of the concepts of love & empathy, but it’s been liberating too. Us kids of toxic parents were never the problem, we were just human projection screens for very unwell adult-toddlers.
I have 2 younger siblings and now when I look back at how I used to treat them, I feel so disgusted of myself. But my reaction to their actions back then was only a reflection of the reactions I got from my parents for similar situations. Now that I have started living on my own, far away from my hometown, I realise I’ve been abused, neglected and manipulated while I grew up. I could never forgive myself for treating my younger siblings the way I used to do. Maybe it’s beyond repair. I think I too have a hand in breaking them from inside. I’m so sorry for my actions but they don’t necessarily need to forgive me.
I can not express how well timed this article is. I recently came to realize that my relationship with my mom isn’t as healthy as a realized, and I relate REALLY hard to #2 and #9. It’s nice to get that affirmation that my feelings aren’t baseless, and it’s definitely something I will be bringing up with my therapist next time I speak with them. Thank you. c’:
i never realized my mother did some of these things specifically, but the explanation of how the child can become when they are adults like “not being able to say no to people” and “hiding their feelings to please others” are all so accurate so now im really wondering if all these happened and i just never really noticed.
I’m glad I’m learning this stuff now. I’m 19 (almost 20) and moved out of my parents place almost two years ago. They were extremely toxic. After my dad got sole custody, him and my stepmom dehumanized my mother and forced me to stop contacting her. They verbally abused me almost every day and then turned it around on me when I finally fought back. I’d try to consult my brother for his help but he always told me that I fight back too much. What they didn’t understand is that I was doing the best I can and didn’t have the diagnosis I needed. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Instead of taking that as “Oh, maybe I should change how I behave with my child since they have mental health problems” they took it as “Oh, that’s just an excuse, I’m doing everything right
I believe it’s important to understand that parents don’t have to be full-blown toxic to leave psychological or emotional scars. They can even believe themselves to be genuinely caring and loving, even doing good things for you, yet still exhibit toxic tendencies such as these. Number 9 hit particularly close for me. Numerous times, I’d be on the receiving end of harsh accusations for things I didn’t even do. Even when I was proven to be in the right, there was no apology, no acknowledgement of ever being wrong. Also, parents can sometimes even compete with their children over stress, issues, and misfortunes. Almost every time I’d try to confide about my life’s problems, they were immediately belittled because my parents always somehow had it worse. Then, people wonder why I have issues asking others for help.
I remember my mum telling me constantly how she didn’t understand how I was a bad and selfish person when she was such a great and kind person. Eventually I started to believe it. Once I asked to go to a movie with my friends and she said that I only cared abt my friends and no one else at all. I realise now that she was extremely toxic and I am beginning to distance myself now❤️
My father meets a lot of these traits. My mother meets some too. I don’t have children, but I’ve noticed that I’ve developed some toxic behaviors in social situations as well. Most of my toxicity is directed at my family, but it’s emerged because I have a poor understanding of boundaries and am very insecure. I don’t have much of a sense of self at all. I’m trying to get better, but it’s a long road. I have to deal with a lot of wounds
Back then, whenever i tried to go against my mom about anything she’d immediately get very defensive and use everything she knew to go against my decision/opinion, even though i was just a kid. She was never willing to waste her energy or money with anything i wanted. She’d make me feel guilty about anything i did or didn’t do, she’d shame me and compare me to my older brother, and sometimes force me into doing house chores to compensate. She didn’t go as far as publicly humiliate, abuse or harm me physically, because that’d ruin her image as a “perfect independent mother”. Now, she keeps trying to make me open up but it’s only a matter of time until i can finally cut all relations with her. I just need to build a new, stable life somewhere else from zero.
The second one reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother just yesterday. I was so stressed bc I had to do something I wasn’t ready to do that I started to cry, silently, so she wouldn’t notice. But she found out by randomly coming into my room. When she made me explain why I was crying, she suddenly got mad at me and screamed at me, saying “there’s war in the Ukraine and you’re being dramatic over something like that?!”. She proceeded to yell at me, that she would loose her patience if I didn’t stop crying, which ofc made me cry even more. Then she gave me an ultimatum: If I wouldn’t do the thing I had to do RIGHT NOW (it wasn’t urgent at all), she would. It’s hard to expain why without going into more detail that I don’t know how to explain in English but I didn’t want her to do it either, so I set out on my way, still crying and shaking, and in the end, my mom taking matters into her own hand was even counterproduktive. ik no one’s gonna read this, I just had to get it off my chest somewhere.
After 20+ years of living with my Mom, and my husband being attacked verbally by her when she came to our home to visit, this article hits home for me…. I struggle to make her and my Dad proud in school and feel like a failure if I don’t reach that goal, and I CONSTANTLY hear her voice if I make a mistake no matter how small. I’m 25, about to be a mother myself in less than a month, and yet she’s still treating me like a child, guilting me into her control…. She has yet to apologize sincerely to me for hurting me and my husband for hurting us emotionally and mentally. We’re going to set up boundaries with her and I’m hoping she respects them…. This still hurts because I love my Mom… Number one AND two has haunted me since I was a teenager…
My dad was incredibly toxic. He fits into a lot of the categories on this list, especially #5. Anytime I would try and tell him the things he did wrong, his go-to excuse was, “Well, I could’ve treated you so much worse. I’m not as bad as other parents out there.” I’ve been no contact with him for about 7-8 months now.
30 yrs old unmarried male here. I can relate to each and everything here happened to me in childhood done by my mom and dad. But I’ve tried to react with affection and love and care even for people who are not good to me. And I thank the universe who created me with a loving heart. Going forward, If I parent a child in future, I will give all my love and affection to them instilling them with positive and motivating behaviour even if they failed. I’ve learnt two things growing that we need to be both strong internally and soft externally and vice versa. This is good both for the parents and their children. It creates and strong and motivating environment leading to a happy life.
This really hits home. On top of everything said, I am constantly reminded by my mother how selfish I am for living my own life instead of living with her, so that she is not lonely, because that was her reason for getting me in the first place. And when I resist she pulls out the guilt and blame in the form of telling me how lonely she is without me and that her only thoughts are of death because she has nothing else than me in her life. I hate this, I feel constantly so guilty for living my own life and on top of that her parenting gave me terrible whiplash to these days that everytime something good happens I automatically expect and fear something bad will follow and I cannot enjoy even the little things without the knot in my stomach. Toxic parents are so unbelievably damaging to children and later adults that grow up from those children. Personally I know my mother had the same upbringing from her own mother and I decided to end that cycle and stay childless.
my parents love to say that the reason I am always upset and moody is because I’m a teenager, every time they say that I feel like they care about me less and less. I have mentioned that I feel depressed and want to see a therapist, but every time it’s “you don’t have depression, its because you’re a teenager, it’s the hormones” not only that but they love to compare me to other kids and criticize my work, this is why now I don’t show them my test scores or drawings, even if it is a good mark or I’m proud of it I feel they always have something negative to say. my parents love to barge into my room and start talking to me about stuff that doesn’t interest me or makes me feel bad,, and I’m so scared to talk back to them because I know I will get yelled at (i have a feeling this is where my fear of yelling came from). Also instead of apologizing they go on to explain why they were right. thanks to anybody that actually read this, I needed to get it off my chest😊
4:57 I felt it! Like really felt it when you said they tend to question people’s intentions and unable to accept someone’s kindness. My friends or even strangers whenever they are kind, I feel like they have bad intentions and might be trying to cover up their evil intentions by ACTING GOOD! My parents have REALLY MESSED ME UP!
Leaving my toxic family was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. At first it’s scary not knowing what to expect from the world but after a while, you realize not everyone is as toxic as your parents/family. A huge weight will be lifted after going no contact and even though I still suffer cptsd, I feels so much more safer and ok to tackle the world and live my life😊
I was ‘raised’ by a pair of narccicistic monsters who systematically did whatever they could to damage and decimate my self-esteem. Both used blame, shame and criticism as weapons. I was a sensitive kid who was roundly mocked and humiliated by both of them. My ‘father’ favoured aggression, screaming and shouting, losing his temper over imagined slights, small mistakes and my inability to be what he wanted me to be. Thankfully he’s been dead for 20 something years and I’ve never missed him for a single second. My ‘mother’ who’s still hanging around has always been utterly dismissive of anything that’s important to me, uses guilt, recreational anxiety and self pity to get her own way and I only ever communicate with her out of obligation. They turned me into a mess, a target for other narcissists to pick me up, play around with me for a while and then discard me when they inevitably got bored of me. I’ve never been able to accurately communicate what I want or how I feel. It’s only since disentangling myself from a horror show of a marriage with a viciously manipulative, fake nice narc of villainous proportions that I’ve met someone who’s helped me to see the actual value in myself and slowly, but surely grow a self-esteem. I have a child who I’m determined to do right by, to validate and love on his own terms, because I will right the wrongs of my past. But at the same time, I will never be free of what my ‘parents’ did to me.
Toxic parenting is usually a sign of mental health problems in the parent or maybe complex stress/trauma. All parents are human and will have ‘stuff’ that interferes with good parenting. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to deal with your ‘stuff’ as much as possible to protect your children. Once those children become adults, it becomes their responsibility to deal with whatever scars they have as a result of your parenting so they don’t pass it on. Parents’ responsibility ti an adult son/daughter is to acknowledge their own parenting mistakes, apologize and support their children’s efforts to cope and grow so their children can heal and move on. The key – personal responsibility.
1. They’re hypercritical 2. They don’t allow you to express your true feelings 3. They compete with you 4. They don’t see their children as individuals 5. They control their children using guilt and money 6. They always put their feelings first 7. They demand your attention and praise 8. They withhold love as a form of punishment 9. They give no apologies and take no blame 10. They ignore healthy boundaries
A very fascinating article, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 6 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Yeehaw, my parents checked off everything here 😀 My life GREATLY improved when I distanced myself and stopped talking to them. No more constant criticism, guilt-tripping, silencing myself, stifling myself to make them happy. I was talking to an older co-worker my parents age about this and she was more understanding about my situation but the distancing made her uncomfortable. Because I am the only girl it’s ‘expected’ for me to take care of them in their old age, and I could tell she had this great hope that we could make up if we just talked, that my parents would one day see what a lovely person I am and make this great 360 in the way they treated me. And I just gently changed the topic. I’ve gone through many ‘just talk to me, I will listen to you’ from my parents, and in the end nothing changes. I reach out, hoping something would change, maybe this time it’ll be different–and I get shut down, blamed, dismissed–and if I respond with ‘this is why I don’t talk to you’ they will automatically go ‘and there you go again’. Yes, here we go again. I’ve reflected. And I refuse to reflect back any of the insecurity and anger you keep putting on me anymore. To be the perfect little scapegoat they can pin all their frustrations on. Enough was enough. I’m living for me.
My son is 14. We have a very open and hones relationship. I did notice that i have used the threat of returning expensive items that were gifts as a form of punishment or i have bought gifts, not realizing at the time, to create excitement in him towards me. I’m so grateful for these articles to help those understand these traits in others as well as themselves so we can all be better and have better relationships with our loved one’s.
4:22 My parents do this all the time, along with some of the other things on the list. They constantly remind me how much money it took to raise me and how financially burdened they were because of that. I felt like all their financial struggles were my fault because I was born, and they kept comparing us to the lives of their other families that don’t have kids and live much more comfortable lives. And I always felt like that was my fault and it made me consider running away from home so many times when I was younger. That’s why now, I don’t like receiving gifts because I feel like I haven’t done anything to deserve it, or that I don’t deserve it at all and whoever bought or made the gift for me, I feel like they wasted their time and money.
I’m a 24 year old autistic adult now and I’ve experienced some of the things like silent treatment and criticism. It was painful and confusing growing up. Though my father does it more than my mother who screams at me for even the smallest things. They even blame others, even their kids (I.e. me and my brothers) this article showed me that, yes. My parents fit the descriptions of toxic parents. I’ve moved out of my mom’s home at 23 and my dad’s home a month ago because both home environments are just unhealthy and toxic. I’m doing better away from the toxic and stressful homes they’ve created with even their destructive habits like alcohol and smoking pot everyday. I planned to regain my confidence and be free from their control and live my life the way I’m supposed to. articles like these should be seen by everyone who also struggle with toxic parents in even their adult years like me.
Every time I watch a article from you guys about parenting and romantic/sexual relationships, I come more and more to the conclusion that I was emotionally neglected as a child by my parents and that is the root cause of the vast majority of the problems I have with my relationship with my significant other.
There’s a shame around admitting that my parents were unintentionally toxic to me and my siblings. I recognise it now but to say it out aloud is being ungrateful and selfish. Even if I know they were wrong in treating me the wrong way as a child I can’t say anything to them now. I don’t want to be separated from them because I care about them, but now being in a relationship with my partner I realise how presence of a person who loves you unconditionally and helps you grow can mend your soul. I’m greatly thankful that finally I can trust someone with my craziest of thoughts and feelings and not be judged for it.
My father was all of these. He has passed now. I’m in my fifties and now dealing with the enormity of the painful legacy he left behind. For those those of you who are younger and questioning whether or not your parent is toxic and making excuses for said parent. Get into therapy. Examine the possibility. If they are not toxic great, if they are you can avoid decades of abuse that often involves involves siblings (if you are the family scapegoat). Waiting for everyone to see what they were doing, parent especially, thinking someday they would finally wake up did not make things better it just allowed me to avoid the real work of healing and set me up for many more years of stress and anxiety. Do the work now, don’t wait until you are in your fifties or sixties.
My parents are like this but they refuse to let me to go to therapy, my bestfriend took the responsibility and acted like a better parent and gave me everything ive ever wanted, my parents and i are like strangers living in one house and only communicate when needed to, my mom puts me down and doesnt really care how i feel and dad calls me names like useless only for little things, but my bestfriend is there to help me with whatever problem i have or i have kept hidden, its hard expressing emotions in my household only because of my parents.
My parents are guilty of every single one, especially the guilt and victim one. They just don’t understand how other people have feelings and that the whole world doesn’t revolve around them. Only up until about 2 years ago have I realized this was considered “toxic” instead of just, normal. So in result I started to become more depressed and starting to challenge my parents on their logic. They are well know for “you play to many article games!” and “you find every pocket of time you can to play article games!” When none of that is true at all. It almost feels as it’s eating away at me. Wait, you read this far? I’m surprised and honored that you cared about what I had to say (most people don’t).
I’m an adult who was raised by a highly toxic parent and to be honest everything in this article is on point. As a child, I know there was something wrong with our family set up and growing up without sibling made it even worst. Every grown up I’ve tried to reach out, they’re telling me that it is normal and I need to understand and obey my parents. It seems okay until I’ve reached tertiary grade. During that time, everything I’ve experienced from my parents literally held me back from my potential. Until someone teached me how to handle and ignore certain things so that it won’t affect me that much and because of that I’ve manage to graduate and got a job that I like few months later. Even though my life was hell, I still love my parents for without them I won’t be as strong as I am now. You just need to find someone who will show you how great you are and bring out the best in you.
I could check almost every box on this list. Funny thing is, I know I have toxic parents who dismissed me and caused me a lot of harm. I’ve been in therapy for almost 2 years now and cut my parents out of my life 3 years ago, but I still watched this article because I sought validation. I oftentimes still dismiss my problems or think it’s all in my head. I know I have a long way to go in the healing process. And for everyone who reads this and hasn’t started their healing journey yet. I’m sorry that I had to grow up with toxic parents and I hope you can start a healing journey. It does take a lot of time and is not linear, but you will make progress and really come into your own. You’re worth the help and healing!
I’ve experienced almost all of these from my parents, if not family members who have served as parental figures at various points in my life. I’ve started to recognize them more and more over the years and this article really clarified things for me. I hope to be a good father one day, and I think learning these things is the first step towards accomplishing that.
Both of my parents hit all ten. My father was a covert Narcissist and my mother overt. My whole adult life has been occupied healing from this. No Contact and skilled therapists have helped so much. It’s difficult to heal when you’re still being subjected to the abuse. Society has it very wrong when it comes to estrangement from parents. If your instinct tells you that you need to break away, trust yourself. You live with them. You know best.
This article literally explained my life growing up even now, im 34 yrs old at that. Me even showing this to my mom she wouldn’t want to understand. Not until I was 25 did I realize these things were destroying me internally and caused many problems psychologically when it came to ppl, relationships etc.
8:05 this is my mom. She always barges in my room without knocking because she thinks that “youre still a teen what do you need privacy for?” and everytime i close my door to change she always opens it back not caring if i was changing just because “were both girls” its honestly annoying that she doesnt care for my privacy just because im not old enough and im the same gender as her. My brother gets privacy just because hes older and a boy( hes 17 three years older than me.) I honestly think that i should also have privacy like my brother without my mom caring about my age or my gender.
This is so well done. I only recently have been able to accept that I have PTSD from my neglectful parents, because whenever I expressed sadness or disappointment it was answered with, “at least we aren’t alcoholics” or “at least we arent (physically) abusive” which only lead me to invalidate my own trauma lol bad parenting FTW
I never understood this until I married into it and I can see how deep-rooted these toxic tendencies go. It effected me for over 15 years and I was only a shell of myself and treated people poorly because I began to adopt the toxic habits. Having made the choice to go low/no contact, even the smallest encounters can still leave me feeling drained. I believe my husband was attracted to my (more) healthy family because we were everything is family wasn’t. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “family is everything.” My husband was the caretaker of his family for most of his life and he still doesn’t know how to think for himself. It is sad to see potential squashed because parents are insecure. I realized that my own grandmother is/was toxic and I often felt bad for not wanting to spend time with her, but nothing is ever good enough and she usually gossips or complains.
Once I told my mom (when I was about 9-10) “I have been feeling really sad lately” she said “what you want to speak to a therapist?” I said “yes, please” I never spoke to that therapist Turns out I had the symptoms for depression in teens I found out I had these symptoms from no other than Psych2go I really want to say thank you, I am doing much better now and I still watch your articles and find them very interesting because they show me things that I may not have known otherwise about me and other people they also teach me how to deal with toxic people like my grandma 😩
My mom hits most of these traits. I have reached the point where I have lost all respect for her and just don’t want anything to do with her anymore. I have tried to talk to her, I tried to tell her how what she has done and said to me hurt me only for her to flat out tell me that I’m wrong, threaten me, or make herself the victim. She does not support my dreams because she sees it as a waste of time and I’m not doing anything with my life. So now I pretty much hate her with everything in me, but she wants to talk about all these sacrifices she has made, she wants to throw her job as a parent at me and I can’t take it anymore. Trust and believe she will never see me ever again when I’m gone (3 years until I graduate college).
I’ve long known my parents were toxic, especially my mom, but it was really interesting to watch this article and see exactly HOW they were toxic. I long ago accepted that “they did the best they could,” but I’ve already had LOTS of therapy trying to deal with the damage they have caused and probably need to spend even more time in therapy dealing with it.
1 Mine took hypercritical to the point that I’d be criticised for breathing, literally. When all else failed I could get a week of being mocked because I took in a breath that was loud enough to be heard, or I yawned with witnesses. 2 Being attacked for showing any hint of my own emotions, plus being demanded to show emotions I didn’t feel, then told I was a freak for not complying. “If you don’t stop being sad people will think I’m a bad parent, you selfish brat” 3 My father openly judged me as worthless because I wasn’t paying the mortgage as he was. Whenever I was good at something he would openly discourage me, and if it was a shared interest he’d either completely refuse to acknowledge me, or sometimes; dropped that interest so he wouldn’t be obligated to spend time with me. I’m also sure the problems began with my father the moment he realised I was more intelligent than him, when I was about 7. Or at least he felt threatened by the potential. 4 The only reason I was born, so said my mother, was so she could use my name to claim welfare money to pay for her lifestyle. Whenever I tried to gain any sort of independence I’d be told I was useless and dumb and would never be able to do anything like that, then told I was selfish, evil and trying to destroy her life if I kept going anyway. 5 Yes. I actually had to get the police involved to untangle the money situation when it came to it. 6 My mother always did, and would fly off the handle over every little thing. The only times she ever apologised would be sarcastically just before going off into a tantrum about how everyone is selfish except for her and people keep forcing her to say sorry for things she never done.
This is my mother.. she hit EVERY single check mark… I was an active addict starting at the age of 16 to 31.. when I would try to explain that it all started when my mom would isolate me from my friends and ridicule me. I was always hushed. “You’re mom has done the best she can.. she came from India.. You’re just blaming her for the things you wanted to do.” Nobody in their right mind uses drugs n alcohol- I started using it to escape the world she had created around me where it was me n her and only us. My Dad was always at work.. and he’s sweet but she controlled him as well. I broke free and WAS doing well. Until covid hit and I moved back in. It’s started alllll over again. Even after being sober and well for 4yrs.. being u see this roof again- things have become back to her toxic ways. I dunno- THANK YOU for making this vid. Im engaged and my fiancé really just started to get a peek into how my mother is towards me. Im gonna send him this article.. it explains things more than I could ever explain ANYTHING about myself
I relate with all of them, it’s such a relief to see articles like this cause my feelings are validated. My mother is highly toxic and I know that in my head, but in my heart every time she treats me remotely well I feel awful for “disrespecting them” or “being ungrateful”. One time my mother gave me the silent treatment for about a month and manipulated me to forgive her while I was having a full blown panic attack. A few days ago my mother apologized for something for like the 4th time in my life and I was very happy, but I know she will not change. And that it’s what hurts.
For the unhealthy boundaries, I always wondered if it was normal for my mom to get jealous when I’m hanging out with my friends instead of her. I go out to eat with her, hang out with her on the weekends, and don’t hang out every day. Yet, she’ll pull that card on me saying it’s always what my friends say and that I care about my friends more than her. She’ll give me attitude when I get home and make me do more chores than usual and usually keep using the “oh it’s whatever (friend’s name) says” for a few more days until she forgets about it. Sometimes parents forget they aren’t your friends, they’re family.
The controlling their children with guilt and money part really resonated with me, it would explain why I struggle with asking for anything and why I’m distrustful of others, I’ve always wondered why I hate asking for things, I’m pretty messed up so it’s probably just one of the reasons why I’m like this. (Also I would like to add when I was half way through writing this my nose started pouring blood and I had to type the rest with a tissue in my nose and the taste of blood in my mouth 👍)
I realized my dad is a HTP a while ago and I can say for certain that everything resonated with me and yes, it has negatively affected me. Now in my 40’s and still living with them (unforseen circumstances and me becoming disabled) and have never had a healthy romantic relationship. Thank you for this article. They are life saviours for me xx
When I watched movies or shows and often saw the kids said “They yelled at me!” I was shocked…cause that “yelling” was 1000x quieter than the yelling in the house I grew up in that happened almost every day. I’m like, “THAT was just a conversation, dude. You have NO idea what yelling is.” And the yelling would be over even the smallest things that could be fixed. Spilled milk? Wipe the dish the wrong way? Trip on the stairs? Say “um” once in a speech? Yup, 100000000 decibels of noise. My siblings and I were always afraid to make any mistakes cause we thought we’d be yelled at and were shocked when we came to the real world that we are SUPPOSED to make mistakes and actually won’t get yelled at. And all that yelling was apparently to keep us from “disobeying God” and stuff. =P Glad to be away from that.
Funny how you don’t see it until something major happens. Im now 60 and just starting to understand what’s happened from childhood and the massive impact it caused. Ive ended up alone and sad not understanding true relationships and never knowing if I’d been in love or had anyone loved me. Sounds so poor me, I don’t mean it that way. It’s easy to get lost on your journey through life and it’s good having all this available information. Let’s hope it makes for a better mankind
I remember I was having horrific chest pain when I was only 12(like coughing every 5 breaths) and tried to talk to my parents about it. The only answer they gave me was “why would you think it could be us, its all that working out you do.” Even though I worked out a lot at that age, I looked around and found anxiety was also a way that could make my breathing difficult. Talked to them again and they just ignored what I did research on and blamed it on working out.
Dealing with this for 26 years is frustrating. Finally out from my toxic mother who was exactly this kind of parent. I struggle daily with love since I didn’t get the healthy mother love. But I found a great partner that has been helping me be the best person I can be. She is 100 times better for me and she wants me to grow. Thank y’all for y’all’s articles to help me better understand my struggles.
For my parents, “individuality” isn’t in their dictionary apparently. They just want me to be a certain way. And I’m currently have an identity crisis because of it. I don’t think they’re necessarily doing it on purpose, thats just how they were both raised. My moms side is especially religious. And kinda traditional, not as bad as others, but still. Ive recently became atheist, and they’re obviously against it, forcing me back in. I’m also having trouble standing up to them. And talking to them about my problems and opinions. I love them, but…I feel like im getting distant from them. Edit: i thought I should also mention that they can also be judgmental and paranoid. So, yeah, there’s that too. Edit 2; wow, this boomed in just a couple hours! Thanks for the encouragement, and the kind and understanding words.
Though I can relate to a lot of me, the one that hit me the hardest was the boundary one. I barely get any privacy, having to be in the same room with my parents because not many people and not enough money (in both houses). But when I ask to not touch me because I don’t like it, or to show them something or “I have something to hide.” Sure maybe I do, but that’s because it’s personal, and they judge me. But not respecting the boundary of being touched and then them saying “It’s because it annoys you” then denying it and saying it’s because I don’t want their love is just the most worst feeling.
I look and these and just think of my mother, I can’t even remember how many times the silent treatment was used on me when I didn’t even know what happened, I’d have to beg and apologize for everything before even being told what I apparently did. Most I remember is she think I said something to her or did something that I wasn’t even there for. Even when I literally had evidence of texts (I started having conversations on texts so I could prove I’m not crazy) she would ignore it, just tell me how horrible I am and that I’m treating her like shes in court. So many times I heard “I did/do all this and that for you, you are so ungrateful and disrespectful”, I once couldn’t eat a chocolate she got for me because I was allergic to one of the ingredients, she walked up to me a few ours later yelling and screeching “CANT I DO ANYTHING RIGHT FOR YOU?!” just because I said sorry Mom I can’t eat this. I was always so afraid to ask for anything, even if she said “I’ll do anything for you and get anything for you, just ask”, because its going to be a guilt trip later. But one thing I can’t get over, I could never understand why she thought saying it was a good idea, “I should have just let your father have you and went on with my life”, the father who used both of us as punching bags and worse. I remember her saying this often when I wasn’t doing good at school because of my disability (dyslexic). All I can think is he abused us both, why would you want to have left me with that monster?
My mother really resonates with the “Guilt and Blame” one. Any time I shared anything that made her at fault or look bad in any sort of way, she can get incredibly defensive, and even accuse me of blaming everything on her to avoid taking accountability. It’s caused serious damage in how I perceive myself in anything, constantly trying not to blame myself for everything and trying not let these intrusive thoughts about how I cause all problems and whatnot cloud my vision.
Practically all of these apply to my parents 🤮. It’s hard to learn that you grew up in such an awful environment and understand that your parents have been treating you like crap from the beginning. This article came to me just at he right moment. I am dealing with this topic in therapy and the article has been very helpful to understand better a lot of things I have found out. Thank you very much for the great content.
It never ends. My parents were the complete opposite of each other. I’d wonder why they even got together but I know it’s because my mom manipulated my dad. He was a very kind person who liked to help people and wanted to fix problems. He thought being loving and caring to Mom, giving her a good home, kids, the white picket fence and dogs and cats would make her happier person. It didn’t. I was about 5 or so when it dawned on my father my mom was never going to be any other way. Would NEVER grow or evolve or anything. The person he met when they were 17 would be the exact same person at 70. He caught on real quick she was abusing me and my brother and stayed to protect us as much as possible. Worked more than it didn’t. My mom used to take her never ending unhappiness out on me physically because I’m not a person so in her mind that was my function. I knocked her out at 12 after she nearly broke my nose and jaw and had already given me a black eye and she never laid a finger on me since. She went total psychological and manipulative warfare since then. She pulled stuff on me like I was going to move out and put her behind me for good. I was apartment hunting. My car’s alternator died on me. Parts and labor would have cost around $700 to fix. I bring my car to the shop. I come home from work and my car is back. I didn’t get it. My mom had it towed after telling them (they knew she was my mom to begin with) I had sent her there to get it and didn’t want it fixed after all. Her being my mom why would they ever doubt that?
This was really helpful in helping me realize that my relationship is with my parents. It’s really hard for me to classify whether I have the happiest family life when I always have constant doubts and intrusive thoughts that make me view my parents lowly, but then they always say things that make me feel guilty for having these thoughts, like: “if you ask your friends about ‘x’ I bet none of your friends would even have xyz or abc because we’re better than most parents” or things like “I’m raising you as the parent I wish I had growing up” and these make me swallow up my thoughts. They make me feel ungrateful; more specifically my dad can never do wrong. He’s always right, and if he isn’t he’ll make something up to turn it into my fault like “I told you to do a b and c, did I not?” And then after I agree with him (even though he really never said that) makes me always doubt myself. Then there’s this one instance where I accidentally commented on something and said, “well that makes sense, I own myself because I’m my own person” but he shot back with “no, I own you” and we argued and it ended up with me crying and he just kept saying “I pay for everything, I clean up after your mess, I made you.” But I always wrote these things off as my misunderstandings because… Well.. Im a crybaby and it doesn’t take much for me to burst into tears over stupid stuff. Ugh, I’m sorry TT this turned into a tangent but I just wanted to vent a portion of my frustration. I’m well aware that I’m spoiled and have it much better than others :’)
My mother used to always tell me my LD (learning disabilities) as my reason for not being a success. My sister was a golden child. I always felt I had to out my sister first, my mother was forcing me to always put my sister first. While my sister got mad and then tell me to just do what I like. My dad also pushed that I should be me more than what my mother wanted. I wished my mother saw me and not the LD (learning disabilities) I had no choice in. My mother had no boundaries, as in she demanded I had to have the door open always, my dad started to shut my door on my mother and she had to learn to let me go.
I was always told to control my anger. But when they got angry, they were allowed to act out and physically punish us. They always said, they do this because they love us. Make up, happy family. For a short while till it goes off again. And this has been effecting me for years where they turned me into them, then they hated what they created. Yet they blame me for everything. And say that they have trust issues with me. Yet they broke every single promise. Abandon me when I needed them the most. I now live with my partner who helped me heal, I no longer seek love or affection from either of them or family as they are all narcissistic.
I grew up having to be the best at everything I do, which sounds good on paper, at least until it was taken to the extreme. If I got anything less than a 95% on my schoolwork they’d have me do it over (I was homeschooled) and if it was less than 100 they’d make me feel bad for not getting the 100. They’d also say things like “you don’t need public school, you’re better than the kids that go there and they don’t have 2 brain cells to rub together” and I was kept away from a lot of kids till I was around 14 years old and people generally stayed away from me because I had a sense of entitlement that thankfully was reality checked when I started trying to talk to people and got a job. Still living at their house and I’m working on getting ready to leave.
i have a very complicated relationship with my parents. I am a child of divirce and both sides of the family can be pretty toxic. I’ve long given up on my father, and when I do have to stay with him and his wife I just shut down my emotions adn thoughts and hope that I get to leave soon. But the hardest one for me is my mother, because I know she really loves me, but she can also be really selfish and distant. I always end up having to sit my mother down to talk about things, and many times take upon myself every family burden. I sincerely hope when I leave home and get a place for myself that I break out of the roles my family has imposed on me and finally grow and discover myself.
I feel weird because I relate with everyone of these signs. My mom is extremely toxic and narcisist, and I just realized that few months ago. I’m doing therapy, going to psychiatrist and trying to move from here, to have my own home. Knowing that the person who should love me the most doesn’t rly care about me hurts a lot.
These are also signs that your parents could be narcissists. These were all checked for my dad because he loved making me and my siblings miserable. He guilt tripped and gaslight all of us. I’m so glad that I got out of his house because I was losing my sanity. I feel relieved and mentally and emotionally better without him. I’ve cut ties it’s the best thing to do to parents like this.
I remember the time when I realized what they both had done to my life, and started to set my own boundaries. My mother then became more nice to me, buy me stuff, whatever she could so I’d be that stupid child of her again. She said sorry for the first time in my life, then started scolding at me and called me ungrateful, emotionless and every shittiest thing she could like she had always done. And that moment, I knew very well, people would never change, and so would I. I will never forgive those evils, every single thing they’ve said and done. They ruined my life, gave me social anxiety, panic attacks, depressions and so on. Despite the fact that they were being abused as a child, I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Trying to work my ass off so I could get out of this place and never looking back
With my mother specifically (my father is great) I see a lot of 2, 5, 6, 9. Recently I told her that we had a bad relationship and she was genuinely shocked, she’s been pressuring me to tell her why I think we have such a bad relationship and it’s been hard for me to articulate because I don’t believe that I can share my genuine feelings with her without being punished in some way for doing so or without the ways she’s hurt me being downplayed.
I particularly identify with 5-10 with my mother. She has and still is participating in all those behaviors consistently. This article has actually really helped me figure out where a lot of my own negative behaviors and feelings may be coming from. I love y’alls content and learn from every article! Keep it up!
Those mf excuses for humans almost made me kms, my mom wanted me to commit suicide, she even told me that, while my dad who i wouldn’t hesitate to kill if i could, he threatened me, he hit my mom, he broke all my shit including my phone and ps4, he abused me, a result of that was a broken kid with suicidal thought, which hated himself form as long he could remember, with literall psychosis and halusinations. I was 12 at that time. Now they wonder,,what am i doing”. If it wasnt for these people, if they put me up for adoption my life would be 10-fold easier. Fucking hell.
2,4,5, and 6 hit home for me. My mom is a single parent and I know that it’s stressful, but everyone needs to be held accountable. Working hard does not make you immune to criticism. My mom said exactly “What traumatic things have you went through?” in a dismissive way today. These articles are scarily well-timed
I know this will be lost in the comments, but the thought of wrapping my head around this and seeing that it’s toxic rather than what I originally thought to be normal in my household is deeply saddening. I never realized that what I grew up dealing with ultimately highlighted the issues I am struggling with in my adult life. Although I am 22 and still fairly young, I am glad to have come to some understanding of my own mental health and my random episodes of unexplained sadness and isolation could be symptoms of the trauma I had growing up. It’s a new year, and I hope that as 2022 progresses that I will finally gain the courage to get therapy as I feel my traumas/reactions to things are starting to make me lose myself. For the past couple of months, although there are memories that I displayed to be happy, there was an equal amount—if not more—of sad episodes of me having breakdowns for no reason and isolating myself from people or even the things I love doing. I’m not as sociable as I used to be and I no longer pursue the hobbies I religiously commit to; nothing seems fun anymore and my happiness is often short lived as my thoughts are consumed by overthinking and being mean to myself.
I definitely had toxic parents. I identified with a lot of points made in this clip. I am in therapy, but I am still healing from toxic behavior and actions placed on me by my parents. This is very much evident because my partner has pointed this out to me. Their family is very unconditional and loving, and I have caught myself being apprehensive at times with displays of affection from them or their family. I would definitely recommend if you are able to obtain mental health services or therapy, please do so. It is very much a long process, but it is definitely worth it.
This article explains my mother (and a bit of my father) completely. It’s hard because I love her and I desperately grab at any affection she gives me even today as an adult, desperate for that rare moment of acknowledgement or love. But I feel like I’m just caught in her web, and she pulls all the “don’t you love me?” lines on me to drag me back when I’m trying to live my life. Even now that I have moved to another city, when I go back I feel like I have to go and see her, because “she’s family and you put family first”, “family is more important than friends” (which is ridiculous because my friends are my family, more so than the reverse), and it feels like a hook rammed into my gut yanking me back. And every time I go back, every single time, she pulls out another one of her tricks, whether it be the blame game, guilt-tripping for not living with her anymore nor seeing her often enough, gaslighting, ignoring my boundaries, and just list the whole article and you’ve got the package. And yet I still feel like I have to go see her. Even with distance and financial independence, I still feel so heavily damaged and still trapped by her. This makes it worse as I struggle with so many things such as self-hate, doubt, neglecting myself and my emotions and more, because I don’t believe I deserve happiness nor am I valued and I struggle to believe that I could possibly be loved unconditionally, because I never have been before (if I didn’t do what she wanted or tried to speak up, she would roll her eyes, yell at me, and literally give me the cold shoulder for MONTHS – I wish I was exaggerating!
Ah shit, i knew something is wrong with my mom, she can be classified under 3 points from here; she keeps telling me how much she’ve done for me and how much she sacrifised every time I points out her mistakes; she gets mad when I point that she almost never apologise and take no blame for anything or I ask her to say please when she ask me for a favour; and she never knocks and gets annoyed when I’m telling her to do so 🙁
”They refuse to give an apology because they believe children aren’t worthy of them. This makes the child feel wrongs done to them don’t matter or need correction, so they become adults who don’t voice any grievances and suffer in silence” this one hit a nail on the head for me. I was bullied in school, my father was always so harsh. I never did anything to confront bully because somewhere deep down inside me was such a deep wound that believes that there’s got to be something i did to deserve this, since there was never even an acknowledgment that what happend to me was wrong let alone an apology. So this is who i am right now a person who anyone can do anything bad to and i’m the one who is taking all the responsibility for it. Sounds illogical but there were always alot of people around and none of ever took my side, rather they would take bullies side, so i just know that i don’t have the power, or worth or whatever i would need, to get that correction or apology so i stopped trying…
Some of the best things my parents (I include some close relatives that took a major part in my growth in the term parents as well, like my uncles) said or did to me were to tell me that I was the ugliest person they knew and that they would spit in my face if I wasn’t their son, they even once started a whole argument at a hairdresser (I was brought there by literal force and threats and had absolutely no wish to go there) where they began to yell at the personnel « LOOK AT HIM !! LOOK AT HOW UGLY HE IS !! TELL HIM HE IS UGLY !! TELL HIL HE LOOKS LIKE A DRUNK HOMELESS GUY BECAUSE HE WON’T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME !! », that (after I got sexually assaulted, I’m a guy) that it happened I wasn’t « manly enough » and because I said I was bisexual, they tell me on a daily basis how much of an idiot or a lazy ass I am because my grades are worsening (let’s just say that when you wake up every day wishing you were dead you brain physically cannot handle shcool very well, especially when the only thing you get in the end is your parents either being passive aggressive against you or straight up yelling at you), that and manipulating you by saying « we don’t care about your grades don’t worry, no pressure ! » when I say that I can’t take up their mess anymore, yet still telling me that I would be the worse failure of the family if I don’t get an A+ on everything, they forced me to install tracking devices on my phone to see my every move because « they are worried », they said they wanted to kill me several times (and when I tried to confront them later for that, they answered « THAT WAS FIGURATIVE YOU IDIOT »), and even beat me with walking canes on the arms and the heads, to the point that I had marks for a few days.