When you get married, you become a part of your spouse’s family, which can be painful as you lose your legal connection to these family members. The Family and Medical Leave Act at 29 U. S. C. § 2611 defines “spouse” as a husband or wife, and regulations expand on that definition. Immediate family refers to a person’s parents, siblings, spouse, and children, as well as their own family. In-laws, such as a mother-in-law or brother-in-law, can also be considered immediate family, especially in contexts where familial obligations or rights are concerned, like in healthcare decisions or family leave policies.
Your immediate family includes parents, spouses, and minor children, while siblings may or may not count. Your spouse is your immediate next of kin and closest living relative. Family members can include spouse, father, mother, child, father-in-law, mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, or son-in-law. Immediate family members can include others connected by birth, adoption, marriage, or civil partnership. Nuclear family is parents and children, while nuclear family includes parents and you (and your siblings if you have).
The definition of family member covers a wide range of relationships, including spouse, parents, parents-in-law, children, brothers, sisters, and grandparents. Legally, the more appropriate question is whether in-laws are your immediate family.
| Article | Description | Site |
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| Is a wife or a husband a relative? | Marriage creates a legally recognized family. Your spouse is your immediate next of kin. Your spouse is your closest living relative. Your … | quora.com |
| What is considered immediate family? : r/rutgers | Immediate family is your spouse, kids, parents, and siblings. | reddit.com |
| Definition: immediate family member from 42 USC § 1320a … | The term “immediate family member” means, with respect to a person— (A) the husband or wife of the person; (B) the natural or adoptive parent, child, or sibling … | law.cornell.edu |
📹 Why Your Wife (or Partner) is Never Happy No Matter What You Do
Many people (often men) turn to the internet for help: “Why is my wife never happy no matter what I do?” In today’s video, we …
Who Are The Members Of A Family?
Family members encompass parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, forming the essential social framework for children. Families vary widely in structure across cultures but universally serve as vital socializing agents. This guide presents a comprehensive list of English names for both immediate and extended family members, emphasizing their emotional bonds and responsibilities. The immediate family consists of parents, spouses, and children, while the extended family includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
A family is defined as a group connected by blood, marriage, or adoption, typically living together and fulfilling diverse roles. Understanding family vocabulary in English is particularly important for students to enhance their language skills. The nuclear family is the most recognized form, generally consisting of a mother, father, and their children. Our article offers a chart detailing family relationships and member names, making it easier to identify and learn about different family roles. In essence, a family functions as a foundational social unit, deeply rooted in emotional connections and shared responsibilities.
What Is The IRS Definition Of A Family Member?
A member of the family includes spouses, ancestors, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and the spouses of these relatives, but does not include siblings. Your tax household typically consists of yourself, your spouse (if filing jointly), and any dependents claimed on your tax return. It's important to note that relationships formed through marriage remain intact despite death or divorce, meaning, for example, a daughter-in-law remains a relative.
The IRS defines eligible family members broadly to include blood relatives and those related by marriage or adoption. Definitions of a member of the household may differ between state and federal laws. The advantages of employing family members in a business can vary due to different tax rules for family versus non-family employees. The custodial parent may claim a child as a qualifying child for head of household status under particular circumstances.
Dependents can either be a qualifying child or relative who relies on the taxpayer for support, fulfilling specific IRS criteria. Extended family members like aunts, uncles, and cousins generally don’t qualify under the federal definition of "family members" for tax purposes. Ultimately, only qualifying children or qualifying relatives can be claimed as dependents, with specific living and relationship conditions outlined by the IRS.
Who Qualifies As A Family Member?
The definition of a family member encompasses a variety of relationships, which include spouses, parents, siblings, grandparents, children, step-parents, step-children, foster parents, and foster children, as well as guardians and domestic partners of any orientation. Under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), eligible employees are entitled to unpaid leave to care for family members with serious health conditions, including a spouse, child, or parent.
A dependent is typically a qualifying child or relative who relies on someone for financial support and can be claimed for tax deductions. The law also recognizes individuals related by blood or affinity whose relationship is akin to family. Documentation may be needed to clarify these relationships. Additionally, the California Family Rights Act (CFRA) allows eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of protected leave to care for a seriously ill family member.
Policies may differ across organizations regarding paid leave for the death of immediate family members. Broadly, family members can include various connections by blood, adoption, or marriage, emphasizing the extensive nature of familial bonds. Immediate family typically includes parents, siblings, and children.
Who Is Considered Immediate Family?
Immediate family is typically defined as a person's closest relatives, including parents, siblings, spouse, and children. This small family unit can vary in definition based on legal contexts, organizational policies, or state laws. For bereavement leave, employers usually consider only these individuals as immediate family, but definitions may sometimes extend to in-laws and other relatives, particularly when familial obligations come into play, such as healthcare decisions or family leave policies.
In the context of U. S. immigration, immediate relatives may also include significant family members like spouses and minor children. Legal definitions often encompass those connected both biologically and legally, ensuring recognition of responsibilities and rights bestowed by marriage or domestic partnerships. The term "immediate family member" may include varied relations such as parents, children, siblings, and in some instances, grandparents and grandchildren.
Overall, immediate family represents the core support system in a person's life, with specific definitions tailored to various legal and social scenarios, affecting everything from bereavement policies to immigration status considerations.
What Is A Person'S Immediate Family For Legal Purposes?
Immediate family legally encompasses a person's closest relatives, including their spouse, children, parents, siblings, and, in some definitions, grandparents and grandchildren. It also includes stepchildren and adopted children, as well as step-parents and spouses of parents who have remarried. This term is crucial in various legal contexts, such as family leave policies and inheritance laws. For instance, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) recognizes immediate family as a spouse, parents, and dependent children, influencing employee rights to job-protected leave.
In immigration matters, immediate family is strictly defined as a spouse, unmarried children under 21, and parents. The specific wording and interpretation can impact legal rights and responsibilities, making clarity in definition vital. For example, immediate family definitions may vary across different contexts, such as bereavement or financial transactions.
In broader terms, immediate family generally includes individuals related by blood, marriage, or adoption; thus, it encompasses a wide range of familial relationships. Understanding the legal scope of immediate family is important for various situations, ensuring that the relevant individuals receive the necessary rights or considerations as defined by law.
Who Is Considered A Husband Or Wife?
The regulations clarify that "husband" or "wife" refers to individuals who are married under any state's law, encompassing same-sex and common law marriages. The term "spouse" applies only to those legally or commonly married, with "husband" denoting a male spouse and "wife" denoting a female spouse. Various relationships might identify partners differently, ranging from husband and wife to dominant and submissive dynamics. In essence, "spouse" denotes a legally married partner, while "husband" and "wife" pertain to the male and female roles, respectively.
The terms "spouse," "husband," and "wife" indicate lawful marriage status, emphasizing a legal commitment. A husband is defined as a married man, while a wife denotes a married woman. The evolving rights to marriage in the U. S. have inspired same-sex couples to reframe traditional marriage roles. The term "next of kin" refers to one's closest living relatives, including blood relations and legally recognized ties.
The concept of common-law marriage considers couples legally recognized without formal ceremonies. Overall, the definitions are inclusive, acknowledging the diversity in marital arrangements while maintaining legal clarity regarding marriage status across federal regulations.
Is Spouse A Part Of Family?
Immediate family generally includes parents, spouses, and minor children, with siblings being sometimes included. Adoptive parents and children are also part of this group despite the lack of blood ties. Relationships with half-siblings, stepsiblings, and other relatives can be legally complex. A parent is defined by their role: a father (male) or a mother (female). Children are categorized as sons or daughters according to their gender. The concept of family has evolved, recognizing connections formed through marriage, blood, or adoption, reflecting a broadening of societal norms.
Spouses (husbands and wives) and in-laws are acknowledged as part of one's family, although family structures now vary significantly. Historically, a high percentage of adults lived with a spouse, but contemporary family life displays greater diversity. Across cultures, definitions of family differ, with some viewing family strictly as blood relatives residing together. Kinship may follow bilateral descent, encompassing both paternal and maternal ancestors.
Legal definitions of family vary, affecting benefits like spousal or child benefits linked to retirement or disability. The modern family dynamic recognizes various family types, including single-parent and blended families. Regardless of structure, immediate family is consistently centered around parents, siblings, spouses, and children.
What Is The Legal Definition Of A Family Member?
A "Family Member" encompasses various relationships defined by blood, marriage, or legal ties. This includes parents, stepparents, children, stepchildren, siblings, grandchildren, and in-laws (like mother-in-law or father-in-law). Adoptive relationships also qualify, incorporating legal recognition for those related by adoption. Furthermore, the definition extends to individuals living in the same household as the participant. Under family law, the term usually refers to the close and significant relationships that can include immediate family members, such as spouses and direct descendants.
It may also extend to broader categories like first cousins and nieces or nephews. The legal definition can vary across jurisdictions but generally recognizes a group connected by genetics, affinity, or law. In essence, a family is typically seen as a group of individuals who share significant connections, either through direct lineage or legally established ties. Family law itself deals with matters including marriage, divorce, custody, and adoption, highlighting the evolving nature of familial definitions in legal contexts.
Is A Spouse Considered Your Relative?
A relative is defined as someone connected to you by blood or marriage, encompassing family members such as spouses. In legal contexts, marital relatives are those linked through marriage. For U. S. citizens, immediate relatives include spouses, children, parents, and siblings. Affinity denotes the relationship between married individuals. Family members specifically pertain to individuals such as spouses, parents, and in-laws. The hierarchy of inheritance prioritizes the surviving spouse, children, and other close relatives.
Next of kin refers to a person's closest living relative by blood or legal acknowledgment. In-laws become relatives via marriage, extending to a spouse's family. While a spouse is often regarded as the closest living relative, the term "relative" encompasses various family connections, including grandparents and grandchildren. Legal definitions include individuals related by consanguinity or affinity, covering relationships within specific degrees.
However, not all relationships equate to closeness, as one may have relatives they rarely interact with. Ultimately, relatives include any parties connected through bloodlines or marriage, forming a legal and familial bond recognized by societal norms and laws.
Does Girlfriend Count As Family Member?
You can claim a boyfriend or girlfriend as a dependent on your federal income taxes if they meet specific IRS requirements, such as living with you for the entire year and having your home as their official residence. Legally, boyfriends and girlfriends are not typically classified as family members, as immediate family usually includes spouses, children, parents, siblings, and grandparents. Some states may recognize long-term partners (often after cohabiting for seven years) as having family-like status, but this lacks formal legal recognition.
Your girlfriend, boyfriend, or fiancée does not qualify as a legal family member until marriage occurs. Immediate family under most laws encompasses those related by blood or legal marriage, which can include adoptive children. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) generally defines immediate family as spouses, parents, and minor children, with sibling inclusion being inconsistent. While personal relationships can foster a familial bond, legally speaking, boyfriends and girlfriends remain outside this classification.
However, if you cohabit, you can categorize your partner as family within the social context. Ultimately, your status differs when considering tax benefits and legal definitions versus social perceptions of family.
📹 9 Signs Your Wife is Toxic Pooja Priyamvada x Bonobology
People feel a strong sense of stability when they get married because they have one person who they know will be their support …
One thing I have learned throughout my 62 years on this planet, is don’t keep quiet for the sake of peace. It just results in becoming a punching bag and an easy target for mental abuse. It’s taken me this long to realise it, but I speak my mind now, despite upsetting people sometimes… They soon get over it and start talking to me with a bit of respect.
Our son was just born, sitting in a high end restaurant, just bought a gorgeous home and upgraded our car to a luxury model. I was earning a small fortune, she gave up work no financial problems, quite the contrary. We are sitting in this lovely restaurant and I can see that she is not happy AT ALL. She keeps looking over at this over at this other lady who is with her own new baby and a group of friends. My wife was utterly jealous of that woman, why? Because the other lady was younger, prettier, slimmer, happier. That my friends is a sad fact.
I’m almost 60. Married and divorced twice. Always tried to be a good and fair husband without being pushed over by my wife. They are never happy. There is always something to complain about. If I would be considerate and sort the dishes. Then it’s the drop of water on the floor that’s the issue.. or I used too much dish liquid.. or ysed the wrong dish cloth.. or forgot to wipe the stove.. or pack away the laundy.. then I fold the clothes wrong.. or pack the tshirt on the wrong shelf. I don’t know. Think it’s better just to do nothing and concentrate on yourself. At least when you do nothing.. you cant be doing anything wrong
There’s a problem with all of this. Some guys are absolutely knocking it out of the park and are not committing these issues yet they still have absolutely terrible spouses who spend every single waking second looking for a reason to be unhappy. Some spouses have issues, mental issues, hormonal issues, generational learned behaviors that are absolutely their fault. This message can be super dangerous for people who are living in those relationships where at the tip of a hat, they have a spouse who’s emotionally unstable and unable to have rational adult conversations about basic conflicts.
If we don’t heal our childhood traumas (85%~ish) we are 5 year olds looking for other 5 year olds to meet our needs eg: love, validation, safety, etc. Ever see an adult throw a temper tantrum & you think, “Wow, what are they, a 5 year old child?” Many therapy sessions & books later ( I loved your book!) I learned the recipe for amazing relationships: become aware of then heal your traumas, love yourself mind-body-spirit, & be content, & happy alone you’ll be able pick & attract a partner based on your mature & healthy self. So my partner is a bonus to an already happy me, not a need to fill a giant void which I am responsible. ❤️
Yeah, the title of your article reminds me of what the character, Al Bundy said in an episode of the comedy, “Married, with Children”. “It doesn’t matter what you decide, Bud. It’ll always be the wrong choice”. This is the golden humorous nugget that he advised his son, Bud, about even attempting to please a wife.
This “invalidation problem” Fray is describing, in the context of failing to be an adequate household drudge in the eyes of your wife, is EXACTLY reciprocal to how she treats you in the context of failing to meet your need for physical intimacy. She is invalidating your need for intimacy in the same way that you are invalidating her need for a clutter-free floor, and that will make you feel unsafe as well, like she doesn’t care for you at all.
Ive never met a gal who was truly happy. If you scratch just below the surface of her happiness you will find an unhappy gal. What gals don’t understand it their responsibility to be happy and nobody can do it for you. A big problem I see is that everybody addresses the issue as being the guys fault and how he must change to make her happy but nobody ever says it is her own fault for being unhappy. This article basically is saying that men must walk on eggshells and jump thru her indefinable hoops and get on her unstable emotional roller-coaster. That is so unfair. If your gal says she is unhappy with you, then you tell her to go see a therapist . if she says its just your fault and you must change then its best to get out of that toxic relationship. And believe me, she will still be unhappy without you.
My wife is the same.. same exact scenario (new home, 2 fancy cars 100k each, 7 figure salary, gave her a family(she came from a broken home and was an only child) and she’s upset at the world because she essentially aging and is no longer the “prettiest girl” in the group. O yea she even got a surrogate because she didn’t want to get fat and I went along with it all because I was blinded by love.. I m waking up now and she hates it. She even called the cops on me a few times for no reason at all really. Even the cop who showed up after the third time and realized what was happening said I need to leave before o get in trouble. His exact words were “when we get involved I ve never see a relationship survive. Leave before she gets you in trouble..”
The concept needs to work both ways though. I can’t go around micro correcting my behaviour to fit with her ‘ideal’ when my ‘ideal’ isn’t considered. I’m willing to go the extra mile but relationships work when there is give and take on both sides not just take take take… my wife’s favourite saying is “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine”. She says this as a joke but her actions fit all the same
If she feels unsafe and unloved if I leave a dish by the sink after putting in a 12 hour day paying for her life, she is not concerned about our relationship. She is only concerned about herself. I give 110% so she can have whatever she wants. She gives 110% to do the same for me….we are other-focused rather than self-focused. This advice is ridiculous. It assumes the woman is a child to be coddled.
So, given that we currently have an epidemic of anxiety (especially among women) how can one distinguish between a wife who is anxious because of something her husband is doing or failing to do and a wife who is anxious for any number of other issues (past abuse, trauma, etc) and whose regular response to her husband is a defense mechanism (“I feel bad therefore someone else is causing me to feel this way and the most obvious culprit is my husband”). Your counsel here is irresponsibly naive and simplistic. A wise counselor needs to know how to distinguish between these two very real options and not just take either the wife’s or the husband’s story at face value.
You just described mine GF. There is thousand of things that can make feel un-safe or hurt. Like leaving spoon in a sink, curtains are not in position, pencil left on table, … She speaks openly how she feels abandoned/invalidated when I forget one of the thousand rules she made up. I cannot live in such environment anymore, there is NO place for me.
so the answer is to be hypervigilant to her emotions and what is going on in her head to pre-empt every single scenario in any random order from occurring while juggling live grenades and growing a horn because she expects you to be a unicorn that magically knows how she thinks and feels at any given time because your a mind reader, a problem solver, the dude who buys her shit and is her emotional tampon, never get upset, never feel anything, don’t be judgmental, be caring but not a push over. Man I’m tried just trying to think through the ramifications of all of this! I need to check into a fuckin mental hospital to spend some time in a padded room!
My Wife and I should have divorced along time ago. I admit. I am very flawed. But I have knocked it out of the park I run a successful business and bent over backwards for her only to get ridiculed for the one small thing that wasn’t right in what I did. I finally told her look I am killing myself trying to please you and you make sure to find the wrong and have a reason to not be appreciative of my efforts. I was being berated so bad about my messiness that I finally picked up everything that was mine out of the house and put it in the garage. Clothes and everything. She said you are ridiculous I said yeah maybe I am but now nothing is in here and you can’t bitch about it now. My next move is moving out. I have changed and things are a little better and she is going to the doctor because she thinks she has a hormone imbalance. I hope it works cause I was done 8 months ago.
That’s a really creative and insightful application of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to personal relationships. I read a comment on another website about how “minor” slights, indiscretions, transgressions etc often end up in relationship breakdown. And I responded that it was the “Broken Windows” theory applied to personal relationships.
I think that the only way to be happy with any woman is to stop caring. I know that sounds cold, but just look at how hard it is to separate a woman from an abusive relationship. They will often turn on their own family to stay with that guy that cheats on them, beats them etc. However a guy like me that tries his best to make sure she is happy and taken care of, has to constantly find new ways to make her happy. Pleasing a woman is like giving her a drug that the more she gets used to, the more it takes to please her. So just stop caring for the sake of your own sanity. I have been with my wife for 12 years and I have come to learn that women are never satisfied. You can make them happy for a little while, but they are constantly seeking more: attention, money, or something different to entertain them. Take from my experience when I say that only a person themselves can decide to be a happy, positive person on a more permanent level. Someone else can only make you happy occasionally. I have finally reached the point where I give up on making her happy and have started to work on making myself happy.
I have been reading your Blogs for quite some time: Must Be This Tall, Open Letter to Sh!@&* Husbands, etc. The most impactful portion of this article is the 90 seconds starting at about the 5 minute mark. I wish I had known to put my feelings in such a clear and concise way. I actually found you because I was trying to figure out why my husband was never happy with me. I always blamed myself for his unhappiness. Reading much of what you put out I could identify some of my behaviors and take responsibility. Ultimately I am divorcing a person unhappy with himself. I have no energy left to do that work for him. However, I am appreciative for your discussions as it helps me explain to our children a better way to understand a partner when that partner might not have the right words to express their feelings. Thank you for helping us better explain AND understand. Cheers to the new book, and I wish you much success.
Bro, you just made the best argument ever to not even engage in a relationship with women. Imgine being so fkn high maintenance that you have to double-check “safety” every step of the way. This just tilts a good-deal-gone-bad scenario that much further in the woman’s favor. You literally can’t make this ish up.
This comment section is so, sooooooooooooo telling. Almost none of the men who watched this article actually listened and processed and understood and absorbed the message. Almost all of them missed the point. Clicked the link, read the title, chose to watch, and then listened to RESPOND rather than understand. It would almost be comedic if it weren’t so disappointing.
My wife was unhappy and always on my back. We almost divorced. And then, she realized that i hadn’t change over the years, she did. She started to search why she was acting like this. Almost all her freinds in their 50′ were divorced of having troubles in their marrige, why was that? They had low self esteem, no patience, aggressive reactions, sleeping issues and no libido. And then a little miracle append. She met a woman who was seeing a hormones specialist. My wife was already taking bio-identical hormones but the test showed that she was taking 1/3 of the dose she needed. She was prescribed the right dosage and a vaginal hormone based cream. It changed our lives. She turned back to the funny and happy person i fell for 16 years ago. She got back he happiness and he tenderness towards me…and the sex is now…WOW! It’s surprising what the correct hormones dosage can do to a person and yet so many doctors are lacking the knowledge about it.
I’ve been married a long time. I had many short-term women when I was younger. And 1 girlfriend that was a few years. Now…I gathered all the data on those women and figured out what to avoid 😂 I’ve been married a long time. And I’m really happy. My wife is happy, always smiling and laughing. Cooks cleans, raised 4 kids still smiling still happy. I genuinely…and don’t bite my head off here. I genuinely put the success down to 2 things. I married Conservative. And I’ve remained ‘toxic’ toxic masculinity as they call it…I personify it.
How do you trust an unfaithful wife? Because I found out that when you are having no positive impact on your wife no matter how much care you show her, she’s probably having an affair. If she’s getting her needs met by someone else, she will reject your bids and ignore, or even twist the good things to be bad. She will actually be irritated because you are not the affair partner. Sometimes, she’s not happy with you because she’s getting her needs met by someone else and she would find Jesus to be annoying. Cannot meet someone’s needs who will not let you meet them. You certainly cannot move up Mazlow’s pyramid if she’s not willing to let you move up. Sometimes, it’s not the guy who has made it unsafe. If she’s out having an affair, he’s not the one making things unsafe.
In the midst of dementia my mother thought she had been pawned off on me to look after while residing with me in her own home. Attempting to get through to her one day at dinner, I said to her, “I want you to be happy here.” She replied “That’s your job.” I was taken aback and said “Not in my job description.” I pondered this and realized that if a person is relying on you to make them happy, it’s a fool’s errand to try.
Validation goes both ways. Just as one spouse doesn’t validate the others feelings regarding how things affect them with their actions, likewise constant criticism will erode relationship safety. Both parties are usually guilty. Grace is what is required in a good relationship. No one person is perfect, we all make mistakes. Unfortunately we as humans are naturally self preserving. We need to have boundaries, yes but we can not allow permanent walls to come between us and our partners.
The timing of when these “safety” issues crop up is interesting. Before marriage, the guy has tons of options and the woman probably feels very insecure about that but they’re having plenty of intimacy together. Once the man proposes and after the couple is married the man is displaying many more signs of commitment and security, yet the woman ironically claims that she now has “safety” issues. She feels VERY secure with my ring on her finger and all the money she’s spending, yet now that the stability is there, she uses this “safety” ploy as a power play where no real safety issue exists. If anything, a Beta Brad married type is running in circles trying to please her and make her feel heard and wanted. It’s never enough if you weren’t her first choice. Never get married gents! Fall in love and sample the goods, but never move in together and never be stupid enough to marry.
Hi Matthew, after reading a few comments from other viewers, it seems like many men dont think they have anything to do with their wives unhappiness. Also, as if its not their responsibility to deal or help their wives. I know for a fact that human beings are also mental beings. We all have a degree of maturity and development about how to deal with life. A man can be as fragile in his mind as when he slits his wrists to avoid military duty (i’ve witnessed this during my tour). I also know that unhappiness is subjective and my wife may be unhappy about her appearance, etc. Seriously though, a husband marries his wife to give all he can give even if it hurts because he loves her.
My wife is cheerful and happy when I’m depressed, when I’m confident and happy the whole week will be her in a mood or distant. The second I go into a slump and become miserable like her then she perks up and gets in a good mood trying to get me to cheer up. If I cheer up we will go right back to the bullshit all over again, my teenage hormones made me want to swallow a gun far less than being married.
The cause of her unhappiness (The problem): Women are hard-wired to live in fear and anxiety. This causes constant negativity, always looking out for the worst outcome. This is why security is a subconscious goal, but more often confused with financial/material assets. When/if they have achieved the latter, the subconscious angst is still unappeased, and the unhappiness and restlessness continues. The solution: Somewhere out there, probably in the depths of a black hole.
Brutal honesty is what the men dealing with this issue need before they are too old and waste too much of their lives… Talk to them about it. If they don’t change then leave your wife. That is a form of abuse. Make sure you keep records of your conversation and how she reacts and acts. You can use this in court after you divorce her for the emotional abuse. Trust me. Women like this will try to ruin you during divorce so make sure you keep records of how she treats you, the insults, the belittling, everything. Men. We deserve to live a happy life. I left my abusive wife, found an online job and now live my dream life traveling Southeast Asia while working online. I live in a tropical paradise and live like a king. Life is amazing but you gotta take that first step. Life is short and it’s a gift. Get out there and live it my brothers!!!
I am 52 years old and got divorced after 22 years of marriage. A few observations from personal experience… Men are with women for love. Women are with men for security. Security for a woman in general means a home, a car, money and of course food. So when a man has a burnout and can no longer provide then most women will not be happy with their man anymore. It’s a shocking truth, but women do not love unconditionally. It’s primordially about security for a woman. It’s not about love and definitely not about sex. Men don’t care about security whatsoever because they can always take care of themselves and they can live very minimally. Most men are generally content with their woman. More so if they can make love to their woman once or twice a week. I know it’s wrong to generalise but I just feel that women don’t love as deep as men do. There may be exceptions of course. But in general? I don’t see it.
This guy is clueless. 10:15 he admits to doing all the simp behavior and his wife left him. Maslow is a clunky theory to apply in this case. I don’t believe putting the wrong socks in the hamper made his wife feel unsafe. She had no respect for him. Get a better haircut, lose weight, get better clothes, and exercise. Accept the hard truth that being nice and submissive will make many woman unbearable and leave the relationship.
Very true, from the perspective of a woman married 28 years. When a woman does not feel safe telling her husband anything, discussing anything with him, because he either dismisses what she says as unimportant, mocks her concerns in some way, or gets angry at her, that woman will stop telling her husband how she feels about things. He teaches her that he doesn’t care how she feels. So she stops sharing her feelings with him. She also no longer feels like he loves her, because her feelings don’t matter to him. Not feeling loved and not being able to be honest with her husband kills the emotional connection between wife and husband, and her desire disappears along with it. Because women need to feel a safe emotional connection to feel desire in a long term relationship. Her lack of desire makes her husband angrier, and he becomes even more emotionally withdrawn. He accuses her of withholding sex, when it was he who withheld the emotional connection which was required to maintain a sex life. The entire relationship collapses.
I get and understand what he’s saying, but I think this is dangerous waters. The first life-coach I clung to after my divorce was Corey Wayne, who makes the point that women must feel safe and secure and heard and understood for the relationship to continue. But while it’s important for her to feel validated and understood, it’s also not fair to enter into a life-long commitment with someone who has “I need him to do all his chores in order to feel safe” values. Marriage is supposed to be “unless they cheat, unless they hit, unless they get addicted to something and spend all the family’s resources, otherwise until death do us part.” Not, “I felt invalidated because he didn’t pick up his laundry.” What is the cost of being a good boy and doing all her tasks? Your own masculinity? No woman is going to be attracted to a yes-man. This just sounds like a lose-lose situation with the wrong girl. I mean, maybe there’s a way you can both work it out where you’re not emasculated as her work-horse, you make an effort to do certain tasks, she addresses whatever childhood trauma that’s making her afraid of dirty laundry? I’m not sure what the solution to this is other than “it shouldn’t have escalated to marriage” and “you should’ve broke up with her at the first sign of dirty-laundry crazy.” I suppose at the beginning of the relationship or when you start to live together, when you verbally start drawing out your boundaries, you also decide how to divide up chores? It’s a talk I plan on having if I ever make it that far again (I might not; I’m fully prepared to go to my grave alone because I’ve seen the alternative).
What is you say is generally correct. Men need to be somewhat more mindful. But if we have to be constantly be on alert about, toilet seats, tissues on the floor, tooth paste or tooth paste caps, shoes not put away, garbage not taken out immediately, not calling the second we know we might be a little late, being sent to the store for 10 items and forgetting just one and then the women focuses only on the one missing item and starts yelling or demeaning the man because of it. This shows a lack of concern and respect by the woman. That we constantly have to walk on egg shells about every little thing or she will criticize him like a mother or their boss. It sounds like it always has to be all about her. Of course I am not saying, we should not care at all and constantly do all the above things. But I think most men only occasionally do them. The secret to a good marriage is, if the wife is respectful (men function on ego, women on emotion), appreciative, playful and supportive, this will make men want to do more for their wives.
I have a problem keeping consistent work, I do pay my equal share of bills, but I live paycheck to paycheck, it’s hard to save money. When I do get on top of my bills some tragedy happens and my savings get depleted. Last time my work van was needing repair, and our usual trusted mechanic closed up shop. So I went to Midas and they ripped me off for 3800 dollars. And then when I found a trusted mechanic I didn’t have the money. My wife didn’t want to loan me 1700 dollars. I felt suicidal, I didn’t know what to do, I felt abandoned. She finally did loan me the money but I am not safe for her future ideals. I know I am going to have to work until the day I die, I have faced this “reality” a long time ago. But I wasn’t prepared for the harder it gets the more time passes.
Thank you Matt, I feel really seen by you. I am broken after 34yrs of marriage. Hes a good alrounder chap and good looking. But trust is burnt. I don’t feel safe that he will choose appeasing my daughter over me. I feel invalidated. His no was never no to her, she’s resentful towards me alot of the time. I tried hard to be the boundary holder, he seldom had my back. He’s oblivious to the pain he has caused me, has done exactly as you described when I’ve told him. His priority is our daughter dose not feel pain from him, he sees he is compassionate, and caring to her, I think he’s set her up to for hurt. I will share your article with him.
Hi Matthew, thank you for this article! I’ve honestly never considered “safety and trust” is why my wife feels unhappy. I make plenty of money and am reliable and do everything a husband should do for his family but your article means i need to acknowledge her concerns (especially because she was in a bad relationship with an alcoholic, womanizing brute). Many times i am totaly fabergasted as to why she complains about the smallest thing – a label on a soup can isnt facing outward?? Really? Well, now if i try to understand her now, you are saying she needs to feel like i value her concerns, about even the smallest thing. Well, i will do my best to do this and will come back latter to share the results! Hopefully you have enlightened me to listen to her concerns and to stop always disagreeing or saying i didnt do anything wrong.
Mainly brevet she has placed her happiness before yours. She is always worried about her needs and what she isnt recieving rather than what the relationship needs. Critical and argumentative, these people are selfish. Basically if they are always arguing, they believe deep down that they can do better and they settled…
Went through a 32 year relationship that ended in divorce when she told me I no longer meet her emotional needs, it broke my heart for I fell in love with her the first time I met her, with 4 children from 16 to 9 I was out, 10 years later I still haven’t healed from it . The devastation that men go through, loss of future you had planed, money, intimacy, time with your children can break a man, financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I tell all my kids that if you get into a relationship that the other person says it’s your job to make me happy, get out, o tried for 32 years to make her happy and failed at every turn, people are either happy with you or their not . I’m not sure I will ever trust another woman with my heart, I can’t take that hurt again
Ive always questioned this “validation” idea. If i GENIUNELY disagree with her position… I would be LYING to myself and her if i validate her feelings on something. What if i DONT understand where she is coming from….or i DO believe she is over reacting? As a man who does his best to try and see thjngs from her perspective and then compare it to the facts of what the issue is about…sometimes its not that im picking something else over her….its that her POV doesnt make sense..or theres no solution to it. Punishments for offenses WAY out way the crimes. And somewhere in the fray…the mans grievances get turned around on him and its hia fault again…..thats if he even gets a chance to even being it up with her.
There is a lot to be said about a man who “takes an extra minute” as you say, especially if you have a stay-at-home wife with every single household chore and childcare on her shoulders. Yes, it primarily our role to wash your clothes and dishes and floors and bedding, cook your meals, make your lunch for work, keep the fridge stocked, etc… but if we’re cleaning up after you like we’re “momming” an adolescent, we WILL be less into you because we’re using so much energy on things you take for granted. We’ll see you as more of a child than a grown-ass man.
This hits hard with me currently and I’m really digging into myself and outward for the correction of my thought patterns when it comes to the auto pilot setting when my wife has something to say about how she feels. My habits have been ruining our marriage and I am dedicated to fixing this for our family. Thank you, Matthew
Could NOT be hitting the nail more on the head regarding how Im feeling right now. I don’t feel safe with him, he’s not being consistent, and I now I’m falling into nitpick mode because of it all. I want to send him this article. Like, I’m shaking mad right now because he’s stopped doing things he used to and I’m feeling neglected and no longer important. I’m at a place in my life where I’m sick and tired of having to train people how to be with me. I give them the keys to the kingdom by telling them expressly how to make me feel safe, which is often through transparency, honesty, and consistent behavior, and they still continue to fall short. I don’t get it.
So because you SOMETIMES forget to PICK UP your socks or wear non matching clothes and other such huge issues then this marriage is over, our child needs a new dad and half your salary belongs to me; I get the house, keep the car, you rent a studio apartment and eat ramen noodles and can see junior when a judge gives you permission? No wonder men are fed up.
The “glue” in a relationship is money…housing, food, clothing…Maslow’s entire hierarchy falls apart in the absence of “funding”. Civil courts, reflecting societal values, levy a cost on men for pursuing sex, companionship, adventure…”love”…when the male declines to fund the frolic any further. A “cheap” affair…no promises, no guarantees, no mutual support declarations…are far wiser moves for the male. Thats why it is called “cheap”, having nothing to do with being worthy, or not!
In my humble opinion, we humans are not built for too much confort. A woman is never happy. She needs fire in her life to feel connected. If you give her problems to solve, she will be engaged. If you solve most of her problems, she will disconnect. A man should find problems for her to solve and competition for her to overcome. Most will not agree but this is the way toxic relationships last more than average ones. The fire coming from arguments, other women desiring her man, problems she must solve keep her invested – and investment is what makes her connected. The more you give, the less she cares. The more you solve, less engaged she becomes.
A man intends one thing, but she takes it completely the wrong way. This is because she has a subconscious belief as to what things mean, and it’s a dysfunctional and painful belief for her. 90-95% of the issue isn’t you leaving the toilet seat up, it’s her own belief system that interprets her as being unloved when that happens. THAT is what needs fixing – her dysfunctional beliefs. What a miserable family dynamic, where the man has to walk on eggshells all the time and be more or less perfect, or the wife gets her feelings hurt and then lashes out. She needs to fix her trauma, and yes try to accommodate her but as you point out, no one’s perfect and these are very petty triggers.
Even if she is fairly content, other women she talks to (sister, girlfriends, mother) will sabotage her happiness because they’re jealous or just like messing with her head. If she says “Tom got me a great frying pan, now I can fry things much easier” they’ll say oh how romantic, a frying pan, does he ever buy you flowers or jewelry? If you get her a pretty bracelet or necklace, for her birthday they’ll say very nice I think I saw one like that on e-bay for about thirty bucks. You can’t win.
A woman’s version of “feeling safe” is whatever she needs to feel like she’s in control and has the freedom to do whatever she wants. That’s what safety means for her. And she doesn’t give a shit about YOUR emotional safety. My wife says “I don’t feel safe” and what she really means is “you’re not giving me every single thing I want while sacrificing your own needs”
You are a brilliant person Mr. Fray…currently ‘stuck’ in the questioning ‘safety’ level…and confusion within it…viscerally ‘getting’ why we are currently ‘stuck’…I will definitely be spreading the word about your wise, wise insight and hopefully find the courage to share this with my spouse. Thank you !
Your dreaming if you think your going to make her happy when she starts complaining about life ” stuff”. If the man is an alcoholic or beating his wife, sure… you better stop. But your laundry is on the floor and she blows up the family? My wife said this exact same thing…. I told her I will hire a maid if she is not happy…. she was really sleeping with someone else. The laundry complaint is a ruse. She will find a different problem… you don’t put the toilet seat down! Dam you.
why is my husband waiting around every corner of the the house every time i move around the house. i go to the bathroom, he ls standing in view righ when i come out looking at me as i come out, i go in the kitchen, he suddenly has the urge to pace back and forth passing by me the entire time im cooking dinner. i go outside, hes perusal me through the window of the door, i go talk to our daughter and hes right there listening, i talk to my son, he makes his way and just stares at us talking. i stay in the room to avoid that, hell come in without paying any attention to anything im doing and interrupt me with no regards. doesnt observe if im perusal tv and its not on a commercial, as i intently stare at tv to let him know im perusal something interesting, and if im texting or typing, he acts like a 5 year old and atarts talking to me while im doing something. then when i am doing absolutely nothing, he just comes in the room and stares at me in the dark, doesnt say a word, expecting mento react. its just draining. i feel so gaslighted and micromanaged or whatever all this is. i wonder why im not happy. he never seems
I’d rather get divorced than follow your advice. “The greatest victory is that which requires no battle. If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for her. If she is in superior strength, evade her. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate her.” Sun Tzu (Author of The Art of War)
I’m so so so happy you have a YouTube website now and a few great articles!! I had already read everything on your blog, and your book lol. I’ve been NEEDING to be validated for the past 8 years in my current relationship. And as someone who has finally figured out I need to maintain a solid boundary from being invalidated, and that it’s from the most important person in my life really sucks. Woowee. Thank you for turning your pain into purpose! My internal life is infinitely better because of youuuu!
When a person sacrifices there time with loved ones to earn money to take care of those loved ones and then the spouse hates or resents them for the time it takes them away from the family to earn that money then cheats on the provider and says it’s their fault for not being home enough is it my fault as the provider she cheated it hurts so much I’m so confused questioning if life’s worth this anymore????
Im having this issue with my boyfriend. He would accuse me of cheating or being into other guys. Over time, me saying “no no no” and show him proof in an attempt to make him feel secure and then getting emotional that nothing is working. It invalidated his feelings. Makes him feel i respect others more. Say the wrong thing. Say less to not make him feel like im disagreeing with him on everything, im not engaging enough. I struggling to make him feel secure and happy in a relationship.
Actually, I think it is really petty and selfish. You didn’t describe a lazy slob of a man. You described a pen on the floor and a dirty dish and a toilet seat and equated that with Maslow’s safety and trust. From inside what looks like a very nice comfortable home. My ex would get furious over things like that. I couldn’t do anything right or communicate apparently. Sometimes people can’t be pleased or calmly mention a dirty dish. That’s not a lack of trust. It’s a lack of respect and love. I saw a comment below mentioning narcissism being the reason men keep toilet seats up. No. That’s not what being with a narcissist is like. Please look into support forums to see what a true lack of safety and trust is and bring yourself down to reality, I’d rather be alone than with a woman counting down the day,s because she feels deeply disrespected by a pen on the floor, and lacks the humanity too pick it up and politely mention it to me later if it is a serious reoccurring issue Rather then plan her escape. (i.e. Marry someone richer 9 times out of ten,) What I found. out later about my ex, who IS a covert narcissist and abused me, was that she had screwed a guy for half a year while my dad died. A year before we lived together and years before a dirty dish (singular) led to her leaving me. Her next boyfriend was a crack addict who stole 10k in four months from her while living with her. She trusted him to use her car to buy drugs every night. Eventually, she married a retired millionaire who is a controlling creep.
Physiological foundations can cause all sorts of issues. Something as simple as a sensitivity blocking certain nutrient uptake can vastly magnify issues. Chronic pain or chronic fatigue or something just not right with the body can drive even amazing people to seemingly irrational states, and for extended periods. It’s why the commitment in marriage should be ‘for better or worse’ and ‘sickness and health ‘ when people be sick or ‘worse’ that’s when they most need you, it’s also when they’re the most likely to fight you.
Thank you for this. Before I walk away, I want to make sure it is definitely not my fault – you know, don’t point out the straw in someone’s eye when you have a pole in yours, kind of thing. What you said here really hit a chord with me. I make the bed, clean up after myself, and leave the kitchen counters tidied and cleaned off, as a few examples. He is not that courteous. He even neglects to finish the flush, even after multiple reminders of, “hey, by the way, please remember to hold the handle down until the flush is finished” (to which he recently replied, “you tell me that, SO often!” ~ and to which I thought, “yes, but I still open the toilet and it’s full of poop.”). If it’s the little things that matter, it’s also the little things that tear the big things apart. I’m planning on taking a little trip out of town to drive a girl friend of mine to a specialty clinic. My plan is to purchase your book and leave it on the couch for him to consider while I’m out of town for a couple of days. I appreciate your sharing your experience.
So glad you have made this article. I have read a heap of your blogs with the missus. I love YouTube as a learning medium. I’m still getting the trust and safety stuff wrong. Not sure if autism contributes but I’m doing what I can to save my relationship. Thank you. Your book is on pre order too. Much love!!
This advice is potentially dangerous, it leaves no wiggle room for other possibilities. A big chunk of the reason why women are unhappy with men in relationships is because they’re no longer physically attracted to them. In this case no amount of people pleasing is going to make her happy. Then there are the women who are chronically unhappy, the type that enter a room and immediately suck out any semblance of joy that’s in the air.
You seem to think that women are completely incapable of being rational thinking beings. Just because a woman feels something doesnt mean she gets to use it as a bludgeon to tear down her partner. It is of course entirely possible that her feelings are completely valid but it is equally plausible that the man’s feelings are valid. Having to constantly navigate through whatever my partner is feeling with out being able to consider my own thoughts and feelings doesnt make me feel safe.
Pursue your own happiness. That includes selfishness and selflessness. We can’t make anyone happy especially if we aren’t happy within ourselves first and foremost and if they are not happy with themselves. No matter what, a woman will never be entirely happy. If you choose to have a partner, there will always be a level of comprise required. Hopefully both partners will compromise accordingly because they value the relationship they have and keep it moving.
Thank you for sharing your hard-earned insight about how marriages can fail when a spouse is constantly invalidated ~ which yup definitely results in an erosion of trust and sense of safety in what should be your most intimate and trusting relationship! I came across your material through your excellent interview with Michelle Chalfant 👏🏻 I think it’s too late for my marriage at this point despite plenty of therapy over the past 18 years (individual & couples) but THIS concept hit me like a lightning bolt!! I know your intention in writing this book is to throw out a life jacket to sinking marriages, but I want to thank you for helping me understand how we got here… and that NO, I’m not crazy 🤪! Now I feel so much more at peace with my decision to cut my losses and move on to greener pastures!!! 🙏🏻
this is terrible advice for anyone stuck in an abusive relationship with another person with depressive mental illness or narcisstic behavior or other relationship controlling type behaviors. there are many good reasons for divorce and trying to save a relationship with someone who is only happy when they are dominant is a gaurantee for misery. ‘this is why your marriage should end’ should be a companion book to balance out some of the cases where unreasonable verbal or emotional abuse is happening. you might want to remove your ‘will smith’ book from your display unless assaulting someone for making a joke is also something you agree with.
You can’t reason with a woman who thinks 100% of the marriage problem is your fault. Not only is that absurd, it’s mathematically impossible. I think it’s a little shallow and immature of a person who thinks “dates” keep relationships. This is such a modern feminist Overton Window ideology. If I did a poll and 85% of women thought “if my man shaved his armpits, then I would be happy” is basically what this guy is advocating for. Just going with the current “fad” of feminist ideology is not the way forward of an ideal relationship but just a bandaid on a temporary problem. If researchers and scientists had a ounce of integrity or honesty in them, they will know the drastic differences between men and women and how each genetically processes situations. This guy is just selling snake oil relationship BS from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs from 80 years ago that doesn’t even remotely relate to relationships. Absolutely ridiculous
I have been going through this with my wife for awhile now she just change all of a sudden got some mental issue and she completely stopped being a wife and the mother that she once was and now all cares about what makes her happy or what she thinks it right she doesn’t consider my opinion at all all anymore and even purposely does stuff she knows is not right or that I don’t like
I understand and respect your “thesis” that we should listen to the “worry” of our spouse and address it consciously—Or it builds over YEARS and erodes the SAFETY element of the relationship. That is fine —if the requests come from a sane mind with good intentions and motivations. HOWEVER, if the spouse has their own emotional issues—I call it “itchy skin” —if they have emotional issues and the constant criticizing, unhappiness, etc is their fruitless attempt to force me to provide that feeling of WORTH—-they are out of luck! I think you are correct if you are dealing with a mentally healthy individual. However, if your spouse has “issues” that she attempts to solve by projecting “blame” onto her partner. FAILURE.
My mother is a special woman. My dad was a jerk for the majority of their marriage but she managed to tough it out and always seemed to put on a brave and happy face despite depression and disappointment. Her attitude eventually wore my dad down to the point that she now states he is the man she always wanted him to be. Eight years into my own marriage and I’m realizing that my mother is an outlier among women.
If trust can be broken by leaving a sock out, and you have to placate all of your partners insecurities before you csv receive love from them, this is a war of attrition you just can’t win. Life has a lot of dirty socks my friend. And some of them are going to get overlooked. If your entire relationship is going to implode because of the million tiny little things that life entails, is it really worth the trouble? Do YOU feel secure with a partner who is going to let resentment fester over a sock?
It’s looks like a lot comes down to emotional instability and lack of accountability. When ever you have strong feelings about something you do well to ask yourself: “why do I feel this way?”; does it make logical sense?. Feelings are unreliable and highly unpredictable. Under scrutiny our emotions will lose their hold on us and we will be much happier. Do not let your emotions control you it is the key to happiness.
This has been very helpful. I need to understand more about invalidation & how to work on being validated. I think myself & my partner both have this issue as both our parents our emotionally unavailable. I definitely feel that I need to understand more about the safety & security. I have subscribed & thank you for sharing this helpful content. I want to adopt a money making mindset over a poverty one, so that o can further working on myself with more psychotherapy. I find it very helpful In today’s busy world & where there is lack of village/community.
Here are 5 things I’ve learned in over 50 years of being with (many) women. 1) They don’t think like we do. Logic, reason and objective reality are tossed to the curb leaving only emotion. 2) They are frequently incongruous and/or inconsistent. They will complain/piss/moan about a subject and within mere minutes be whole-heartedly involved in that very subject. Example: Worrying about such-and-such food being “unhealthy” for you BUT five minutes later downing a quart of ice cream. 3) The fact they know nothing about a subject never stops them from expressing an opinion. Example: One sub-zero night the furnace stopped working. Being an engineer, I removed the furnace control board and noticed a cold solder joint on a connection to the fan motor relay. As I was applying solder to fix the problem my ex kept prattling “Are you sure this is going to fix it? It doesn’t look like it’s going to work! Why are you putting that solder all over the place?” To which I replied; “Fix it? Nah, I’ve actually gone insane and thought that I would spend my last hours before hypothermia sets in by putting random globs of solder on a pc board”. That stymied her long enough for me to re-install the repaired pcb and get the furnace running again. BUT she STILL wasn’t satisfied – despite me telling her of the bad solder joint and seeing me repair it she asked “How did you get it working?” – to which I replied “I recalibrated the Framingham modulator” – of course there is no such thing as a Framingham modulator but at least it shut her up.
The difficult part thats hard to accept here is that we should validate their feelings. I can understand how they might feel that you dont care about them if you dont do these things. But as a man, i understand and can change my self talk if I were to think those thoughts. I have the ability to filter what is bothering me and reframe it before it comes out of my mouth. For example. My wife doesnt love me because she doesnt show conpassion for how hard I work for her and our family… Corrected thought… Thats not true. Shes just caught up in what shes got going on and shes not aware of what im struggling with because i havent voiced it. Thoughts arent reality. Your thoughts make your feelings. To validate incorrect thoughts is to reduce someone ability to handle them appropriately. I want to empower my wife to dominate her thinking by choosing the good thoughts and rejecting bad ones.
I agree and don’t agree with this. I think someone just have trust issues. No matter what you do or how hard you try that person will never fully get past level 2. Even when things are going great that partner finds ways to either stay in level 2 or pull the relationship back down to level 2. My wife would stay in level 2 I’d try to talk to her about it and she would shut me down by saying over and over “your talking over me and interrupting me” so I would just stop talking and start listening … a lot of times she’d go on and on for 15 to 20 mins. I’d literally say nothing and listen. By the time she was done talking I just wanted it to be over. She would want to spend hours on issues and then bring them up again later. It was so overwhelming.
So my wife doesn’t feel safe and that’s why she is unhappy? Really dude? I work full-time. I have my own business. I do all the cooking because she has “anxiety” over cooking. I do most of the cleaning and laundry because she is depressed. I do all the home repairs because “You’re the man”. I listen to her when she talks to me. I take her out on dates. My wife’s response? “I’m tired of parenting you” “You make me unhappy”. Whatever I do isn’t enough. Even if I built a fucking mansion with just my bare hands, guess what? Not enough. I have to play fucking mind games and when she is direct and I do what she asks she is still pissed. No. At a certain point, there is only so much you can do as a man and if she is pissed at her life she’ll find a reason to blame it on you. What you’re saying is you’re always fucking wrong if you’re the man. I’m supposed to take it up the ass and be happy? I’m supposed to say “Yup my bad! You are right that I don’t take care of you!” with a smile? You are propagating the belief that the woman is always right. This advice is bullshit and now I’m more pissed off.
So the mechanics of what is being said is valid. Husbands need to validate their wives. However though it is in the nature of men to take and carry the burden it can not work for a marriage. A marriage is a decision to yoke yourself with another. When two become one the burden must be equal. A man must validate his wife in a way that she feels validated and a woman must validate her husband in a way that he feels validated. You end up with a harvest of the seeds you plant. If you withhold your doing what is right because the other person is withholding what is right then you form a viscous circle. That continues until both of your resources are gone. However if you prime the pump with your own determination to do what your spouse needs from you more often than not you will find what you are giving reciprocated. If I am wrong we are all doomed anyway
My wife will complain that I don’t fulfil the traditional man duties while expecting me to also help in the traditional woman role. BTW I’m not “where’s my dinner” kind of guy. I cook too and clean more than she does. Another BTW is that I have MS and I often have to take breaks. Then she freaks out why I’m not helping while she needs to go lay down.
My wife is only happy when she is getting ‘more’. More money, more attention, more time, more anything. Unfortunately, there is a limit to how much more can be provided. When the limit is reached; all of a sudden I don’t care, I’m selfish, I’m not considering her feelings. If someone is a happy type they will be happy, if they are not a happy type they won’t be happy. The sun is hot, snow is cold, water is wet, and selfish women are selfish. Accept the world for how it it and act accordingly.
The issue is that men have been conditioned to be emotionally inferior to handle real intimate relationships..society used to coddle misogyny and sexist ideologies..the home raised boys to think it’s ok to show up to a relationship leading with his physical and financial presence ..versus teaching him to emotionally connect with his partner..men who learn to evolve past the things they were not taught at home or through culture will survive evolution and those who won’t ..will not find mates and they will die off..women are evolving with an artificial intelligence future ..we are genetically programmed to understand that for our species to survive it’s going to have to be with the smartest intelligent emotionally mature men ..being a strong warrior isn’t enough in 500 years from now and our genes know that ..level up or dont..it’s really just that simple
My thoughts on this advice is that it somewhat good but sometimes you the person who makes the spouse unhappy is in the right and it’s hurtful to never hear anything good so we get defensive when we hear stuff that maybe they have a legitimate reason to complain about because there’s never anything good
I’m a divorced 52 yr old man and dated a few women after divorce and I wasn’t right or they weren’t right, now I’m in a 4.5 year relationship and she’s not happy with our relationship anymore, I’m the same person I was when we first met but it’s my fault she’s not happy and I can’t fix that, I’m not perfect and I’m horrible with communication but I was always that way, I try but I’ll never change and my relationship is coming to a end, it’s sad but maybe she will find someone that will make her happy
I tend to think of it like this: Women like things about men (sex, romance, resources, reproduction, safety, etc.) or there wouldn’t be any attraction — and vice versa. On the other hand, there’s stuff they don’t like, but this comes down to dealing with people – or anything else in life. In the case of a breakup or divorce it usually comes down to the stuff they don’t like being greater than the stuff they do like. The other scenario is when a certain person tries to get an upgrade; that is, more stuff they do like and less they don’t like. Of course, a big divorce settlement is something women like and can tip the scales.
I learned that my wife’s low self esteem will always make her feel unsafe, because she will always feel uncared for. She will feel uncared for because she projects meaning onto things that are spoken. She projects meaning onto jokes, or comments made off hand. She assumes that if something isnt done the way she likes, then it must be obvious to me that i did it wrong just to make her angry. She is always a victim and i am always the perpetrator. Reality need not correspond to the victim narrative.
I’m a musician and she doesn’t like the type of events that I’m invited to work for because sometimes other girls attend to this events and she doesn’t like that.. I guess she would feel better if I only play music in my room.. too bad this is the only thing I have to support my family… She is not being supportive, is her problem because I do everything to make her feel safe, I don’t hang around with other ladies, I don’t text other women, I work professionally and now I notice she really don’t want me to be successful because of her own insecurity.. She really wants me to change to another career at this point of my life, this is crazy! WHat should I do?
In my 60’s and have had enough relationships to now know that striving to “make her happy,” was in reality “trying to keep her entertained.” The takeaway here is the capacity for real hapiness and contentment comes from within, and sadly, that capacity doesn’t exist with an alarming amount of modern women. I can’t recall how many times throughout my life I’ve heard frustrated men say (myself included), “no matter what I do, it’s never enough.” Caveat Emptor, guys…
Incredible. Even men are blaming men. Not buying any of this. No one, man or woman should have to babysit another adult! We were born to live our own lives. Marriage is a poor excuse for immaturity. Most marriages end because at least one of them got married for the wrong reason. I think very highly of women and will not confuse greed and entitlement with a deficiency on my part.
Basic needs: so many women have NOT their basic needs met, after they’ve committed to a long term relationship, and most important of them is women’s lack of refreshing sleep. You might know that sleep deprivation is a barbarian form of torture. There was also this important research done on sleep and fibromyalgia, most common in women. The researchers recruited healthy athletic male college students for the research, and had them sleep according to a generalized pattern of patients with fibromyalgia – the interrupted sleep, the shortness of sleep in random intervalls, the bodily uncomfortable sleep, the sum lack of sleep, etc. They had to stop the experiment though, after four days+nights, because these young men were so in pain that they could not go on, they had all the bodily and mental symptoms of fibromyalgia. Women have difficulties with sleep patterns for many reasons, stress, trauma, overwhelm, overload, pain, and simply lack of time to relax and live a healthy life-style suitable to the individual. Stress is also the worst sex-killer for women, because stress-hormones and sex-hormones don’t go well together in the female body (perhaps because of the difference in how testosterone works for women and men). Though both spouses may adapt to the eating preferences of the other, the result might be a compromise that is increased healthy nutrition for one of them, and reduced nutrition quality level for the other. Increased amount of junk food is not good for anyone.
MR PORCUPINE: PLEASE ASK IF ON A SCALE OF 1-10 WHAT IS YOUR HAPPINESS LEVEL NOW… THEN ASK IF IT IS WORTH THE RISK TO ‘ POSSIBLY ‘ RAISE YOUR HAPPINESS LEVEL.. > FOR ME AM NO LESS THAN A 9 HAPPINESS LEVEL AND I WILL NOT TAKE THE RISK OF HAVING TO BEND OVER BACKWARDS AND HAVING TO MAKE HAPPY… WOMAN WHO IS HALF DRAMA QUEEN AND HALF MATERIAL COMPETITOR..BECAUSE THEY WILL ALWAYS FIND A WAY TO BE UNHAPPY… GUARANTEED…< JUST LOOK AT GISELE BUNDCHEN WHO DIVORCED TOM BRADY........ I REST MY CASE.