When you experience the loss of a family member, you may take bereavement leave from work to make funeral arrangements and spend time with your loved ones. You can also send an email to your supervisor or peers to inform them of your loss. Learning how to write an email about a family death in the family requires both sensitivity and professionalism. In this blog post, we will help you write a death in the family email to your boss professionally and give you some insights, best practices, and two sample templates to ensure that this difficult message is conveyed effectively.
Notifying family members of a death is part of planning a funeral, but you typically wouldn’t announce the death of a family member via email unless you’re notifying distant relatives or friends who don’t live nearby. Writing an email to your boss about a death in the family requires both sensitivity and professionalism. In this blog post, we will provide a straightforward email template to help you. When you notify your coworkers of a death in your family, there are a few things to keep in mind: timing is critical, and you want to strike the right balance when it comes to privacy. Follow these steps to handle the situation.
When you have to help plan the funeral arrangements, writing a letter to your boss may not be your top priority. If you send in a poorly constructed letter, your boss might think you’re being too sensitive. See what your bereavement policy is and consider the time off you’ll need for the funeral.
If you have experienced a sudden death in the family, contact your immediate supervisor or human resources department to give them whatever details you may be. Try to break the news to your boss in person as soon as possible, or send an email if you’re away from the workplace. What matters most is that you’re clear about how much time you’ll need off, and when you plan on coming back.
When telling your boss you’re grieving, it’s best to be direct, include a clear subject line, and keep the email brief. Here’s an example of how to write an email about a death in your family, including reasons to notify your employer and sample emails to guide you.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| How to tell my Boss a family member is dying? : r/jobs | See what your bereavement policy is. And consider the time off you’ll need for the funeral. That might be separate though from this initial time … | reddit.com |
| Write an Email Informing Your Manager About a Death in the … | In this blog post, we will help you write a death in the family email to your boss professionally and give you some insights, best practices, and two sample … | routine.co |
| How to Tell Your Boss You’re Grieving – Elayne | When telling your boss you’re grieving, it’s best to be direct. Include a clear subject line and keep the email brief. Here’s an example of a … | elayne.com |
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How To Tell An Employer About Death In Family?
When informing your boss about the death of a family member, it's essential to approach the situation thoughtfully and professionally. First, check your company’s bereavement leave policies to understand how time off is classified and confirm any requirements needed to take leave. Always submit a formal request in writing, ideally via email.
When notifying your boss, you can either have a private conversation or send an email. In your communication, clearly state that a family member has passed away and share your intention to take bereavement leave. You might say something simple, like, "I am sorry to inform you that my grandfather passed away yesterday. I would like to request leave for the funeral next week."
Additionally, crafting a respectful email might include mentioning the relationship to the deceased and the dates you hope to take off. Be concise but compassionate in your message, understanding that your employer may need to adjust work schedules accordingly.
In your correspondence, you might want to follow a template, such as: "Dear [Manager’s Name], I am writing to request bereavement leave starting on [start date] and ending on [end date] due to the passing of my [relation]." By handling the situation with sensitivity and professionalism, you help create an environment of understanding during this difficult time.
Should You Write An Email To Your Boss About A Death?
Experiencing the loss of a family member is profoundly challenging, and informing your workplace is essential. Writing an email to your boss about such a loss demands sensitivity and professionalism. Begin by notifying your boss promptly; it's important to deliver this news simply and clearly. There’s no need to suppress your emotions; vulnerability is part of grieving.
In the email, convey the loss directly, mentioning who has passed away and that you may need bereavement leave for funeral arrangements and personal time with family. Providing this information allows your employer to accommodate your absence accordingly. Clear communication helps minimize additional stress during this difficult period.
To guide you, the blog offers sample email templates and best practices for conveying this difficult message. Use a clear subject line, and address the recipient formally. For example, you might start with "Subject: Sad News: Passing of a Loved One" followed by a salutation. After sharing your loss, reassure them that you will keep them updated on any necessary arrangements.
Additionally, it’s considerate to express appreciation for support, should it be appropriate in your workplace. Lastly, remember that your employer will likely understand and show compassion in response to your loss. This email is crucial for ensuring that you can take the time you need to mourn without added pressure.
Should You Tell Your Boss If A Family Member Dies?
Notifying your employer about the death of a family member is a sensitive matter, yet it is important to communicate effectively to receive support during this difficult time. Most employers are understanding and appreciate being informed about your situation. It’s advisable to reach out as soon as possible, as this will help them make necessary arrangements for your absence. Inform them briefly about the passing without delving into too many details.
For instance, simply stating, "My grandmother died yesterday," is sufficient. If your bereavement leave extends beyond three weeks, adjusting your approach may be necessary. You might opt for a conversational tone when discussing this with coworkers or your manager.
Utilizing your Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) rights could be beneficial if you're in the US. It's wise to provide notice if you need to take time off and to set an out-of-office message. In crafting your communication, be direct and concise, focusing on dates you’ll be unavailable. There’s also no obligation to share details unless you’re planning to take bereavement leave. Should you struggle to inform your employer personally, consider asking someone else to convey the message.
Lastly, once you return to work, sharing fond memories of the deceased can help foster connection with colleagues, who might also be grieving. Overall, prompt and clear communication with your employer upon such a loss is crucial.
What Do You Say To Someone Whose Family Member Is Dying?
Losing a loved one is profoundly painful, and expressing condolences is essential. Simple phrases like "I’m so sorry for your loss" or "You’re in my thoughts and prayers" can bring comfort. It’s important to be respectful of the grieving person's feelings and avoid minimizing their pain with phrases that imply the outcome will be "okay." Instead, focus on offering support and presence, as words often fall short during such difficult moments. Empathy is key, so acknowledging their grief and showing that you care can mean a lot.
For those accompanying dying loved ones, sharing love, gratitude, and encouragement is crucial. Simple affirmations such as "I love you," "I’m here for you," and "We’re in this together" can provide solace. Remember, listening is just as vital as speaking; sometimes, grievers need a companion more than anything else.
Navigating conversations with someone facing terminal illness is challenging, yet important. Express genuine sympathy and validate their feelings without overshadowing their experience with personal grief stories. Offering distractions or merely being present supports the dying and their loved ones alike. Overall, showing consistent care and understanding during this time of loss is the best way to provide comfort.
Should You Notify Family Members Of A Death Via Email?
Notifying family members about a death is an essential part of funeral planning. While emailing can quickly relay the news, it is generally seen as an impersonal method, best reserved for informing distant relatives or friends who are not nearby. Instead of directly announcing the death, emails can be more appropriate for updating individuals about the funeral arrangements. Direct notifications to immediate family members should ideally be made in person or by phone to allow for compassionate dialogue.
However, email remains a viable option for communicating with those outside your immediate circle, such as coworkers or acquaintances. In certain situations where contact information is unavailable, email can facilitate timely notification, although a handwritten note is often viewed as more respectful. Sample emails can be modified to suit the relationship with the deceased and specific contexts, ensuring clarity while delivering the news.
When composing a death notification email, it should be concise, mentioning the deceased's name and the date of passing. It's also important to include details about the funeral in a respectful manner. For extended family and friends, a formal salutation is recommended, addressing them with care, such as "Dear [Name]." Ultimately, while technology provides a means of quick communication, it’s essential to balance this with the emotional weight of delivering such news, ensuring that the feelings of those affected are duly considered.
How Do I Inform My Boss About The Death Of A Family Member?
Dear (Boss's Name),
I regret to inform you of my wife (Wife's Name)'s passing on (Date) due to (Cause of death, if desired). I request time off to make necessary arrangements and to grieve with my family during this challenging moment. Many workplaces allow bereavement leave for such circumstances, offering time to attend to funeral arrangements and spend time with loved ones. It's important to communicate this news to your supervisor or colleagues, maintaining respect for your privacy while informing them of your situation.
This email aims to help you convey the message of loss with clarity and professionalism. It highlights the significance of simple, yet respectful communication when notifying your employer about a family death. For example, a straightforward message could be, "I wanted to let you know that I recently experienced a loss."
If you require bereavement leave, your employer typically provides specific guidelines. California law ensures that many employees are entitled to up to five days of bereavement leave following a family member's death. Remember to approach the conversation—whether in person or via email—with sensitivity, seeking support during this difficult time.
Thank you for understanding,
(Your Name)
What Is The First Organ To Shut Down When Dying?
The digestive system is the first organ system to shut down as a person approaches death, with energy redirected away from digestion to other bodily functions. The dying process involves gradual cessation of physical, sensory, and mental functions, which can occur over varying timeframes. Pain is a common symptom near the end of life. As the body exhausts its energy, the dying individual becomes increasingly fatigued and requires less nourishment.
The brain, which regulates vital bodily functions like breathing and heartbeat, is typically the first organ to begin its decline. Following the brain, other organs start to fail, leading to physiological death when vital organs cease to function. As circulation slows, blood flow is prioritized for major internal organs, causing hands and feet to feel cold or become discolored. This decline often results in drowsiness, loss of consciousness, and ultimately, the heart ceasing to beat.
In the final hours, the body experiences signs like reduced appetite and weight loss. The dying process is categorized into three main stages: early, middle, and last, characterized by changes in responsiveness. Clinical death occurs when the heart stops, followed by brain cell death shortly thereafter. The terminal phase, where active dying takes place, marks the body’s final decline.
How Do I Tell My Boss A Family Member Died?
When a family member passes away, it's important to notify your boss about your loss. You can choose to break the news through a simple, eloquent email, expressing your grief without worrying about appearing overly emotional. Many workplaces offer bereavement leave, allowing you time to mourn, arrange the funeral, and support loved ones. When informing your supervisor, clarity and sensitivity are key; let them know about your bereavement as soon as possible.
In your email, it's courteous to mention the relationship with the deceased and the need for leave. For example, you might say: "I am writing to inform you that my grandfather passed away, and I would like to request bereavement leave starting on [start date] and ending on [end date]."
This communication does not only allow your employer to understand your situation but also gives them an opportunity to support you during this difficult time. If you need to arrange for time away from work, providing details about any anticipated absence due to the funeral or related obligations is essential. While notifying your coworkers may be necessary for more distant relations or friends, using direct communication methods like email can be effective for sharing such sensitive news.
How Do You Say Death In The Family Professionally?
Dear (Manager's Name),
I am writing to inform you of the passing of my (Relationship). I need to take time off to be with my family and handle the necessary arrangements. Expressing this type of news can be challenging, but using clear language is essential. You might say, "I will need 5 days off in accordance with the company's bereavement policy to prepare for my cousin's funeral."
In conveying such sensitive news, professionalism and compassion matter. Familiar phrases, such as "I’m sorry to inform you of my mother's passing," can effectively communicate my situation while maintaining dignity. It's important to keep coworkers informed while respecting the need for privacy during this difficult time.
Additionally, I appreciate any support from the team, and I may reach out for assistance as needed during this period of mourning.
Thank you for your understanding.
Best regards,
n[Your Name]
This email approach communicates the necessary information professionally while allowing for emotions and support during a tough time.
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My wife was dying of cancer and I was working as a general manager for a company and she was about to die at any time and I asked my district manager if I could work less hours and literally said to me that I am killing him and I said my wife’s freaking dying what would you do. Then after she died it was about a month later and he said he was going to take the gloves off and literally went after my management style and I was fired a little bit later. He was terrible. This was in 2004 and I have never forgotten about it. I will never work for a company like that again or a manager like that
My friend had a late miscarriage at 21 weeks – ghastly business, she nearly died. Her work was kept informed, told she’d lost the baby, etc. She was released from the hospital next day on the Saturday afternoon to go and stay with her mum. Going back to her flat on the Monday to get some clothes, etc, there was a message left on her ansaphone that morning from her boss asking when she’d be back at work. She called them and said the hospital had signed her off for at least 2 weeks, and they asked if she could go in that afternoon “just to go through the post and sort a few things out”. She worked for the Roman Catholic Church.
As an employer manager I have had staff who have been unlucky enough to go through members of their families being seriously ill and in some cases dying. In every case my immediate response has been “Is there anything we can do? Go and take as much time as you need to do whatever you need to do.” I can’t believe human beings can not do this. These are probably the same companies who told you at your interview that “We’re all one happy family here.”! I’ve also been unlucky enough to be the one in that situation but was fortunate enough to be working for decent people who said the same.
My current workplace gives us 5 paid days for bereavement if an immediate family member dies. I took all five days when my Grandmother died during Covid. I lost an Auntie to Covid and I used some of my annual leave days, which they were really good about letting me take a short notice. Just human empathy and being supportive, it’s a shame not everyone is capable of that
I was 19 years old and was a trainee manager in retail. Working in Manchester in 1996 and was caught up in the IRA bombing, things were a mess. Minutes after the actual explosion, police ran into our shop and said, we think we have another bomb 20 metres away you need to evacuate now. The manager got all the customers and staff sorted and i called our area manager Mr John Teale (not afraid to use his name at all) and the first words out of his mouth were “how much money have you taken?” No hint of concern for any staff or customers, didnt ask if we needed anything, his first thought was money.
I worked for a ‘trade union for management’ and we had an advice line so that member companies could ring up and get ad hoc advice. This HR guy rang and said that one of their employees had taken and been paid for pregnancy time off. However her baby had been still born and so really had no need for the extra money she had received! So he asked what forms did they need to retrieve the pregnancy payments she had received!!!!! My boss nearly got in her car to throttle him. She told him forcibly he would be better engaged in seeing what the company could do to help her. She also enquired what had caused him to take up HR as a career. She was of course being sarcastic. She also knew the directors of the company and said she was going to talk to them about suitable and appropriate training for HR as she thought it needed to be updated!!!!
Poor guy! I had a boss deny my request for time off for my father’s funeral and to be with family. Legally, employees have the right to take a day off to attend the funeral of a close family member. Since the funeral was on the other side of the country, I needed a few days. I honestly did not think she would deny my request, so I advised her that I was going anyway. Didn’t lose my job over it, but it was still a jarring experience.
Stories like this make me thankful I have the manager I do. When my grandfather was on end of life care I left to go to him without even thinking about work called my manager on the way who told me not to worry about work and just update her if/when I could. He passed away a few days later I was at his bedside. When I came home I tried to go into work thinking I could. I walked in and someone asked me if I was ok and I immediately burst into tears despite thinking I could manage. My manager came in and didn’t hesitate telling me to go home and take a proper break until I was happy to come back. She only texted/called me to check on how I was no mention of when I was coming back to work just asking how I was more as a concerned friend than my manager. Full sick pay from my employer so no worry about loss of wages. I realise I am very very lucky.
I was fortunate with the job I currently have. My aunt was hospitalized on October 2, 2024. We didn’t find out until October 12. By October 17, she was dying. I had to leave that night to drive 900 miles with my mom to say goodbye to her. My boss understood and gave me the leave I needed. I am also a college student and my teachers were amazingly supportive as well. On our way back, she died. The next morning I was hospitalized for 10 days. My boss not only gave me the leave I needed, she allowed me to take the rest of the semester off to focus on my schoolwork so I could get through the semester. Being gone so much made it difficult so their support was invaluable. Appreciate the bosses that are wonderful.
My brother was in a horrible car accident and had major abdominal surgery. The doctors gave him a 10% chance of survival. I spent the night holding a vigil with my parents, his wife and son. Early the next day, I went home for a short rest and to clean up. I stopped by my office to check on things and inform my supervisor of the situation. I told him I was heading back to hospital. He asked me why and he wanted me to stay at work because “I couldn’t do anything at the hospital”. I was dumbfounded and reply, “I can just be there.” At which point I left and didn’t come back for several days. When I did return to work, he never asked about my brother’s condition and acted like nothing happened. Thankful, my brother did recover.
On a positive note… When my dad died unexpectedly way back in 1983 my manager was fantastic. I worked for social services, he covered for me for three weeks and didn’t tell his bosses I was absent. The time he granted 10:16 enabled me to process what had happened and I was able to offer my mum as much support as I could. I’ll never forget him for that and he got a loyal and hard working colleague in return.
My father passed away around 6am in the morning I rang my boss to inform them I won’t be into work and she said I’ll see you tomorrow, so I then had to ring the next day to say I won’t be in, and she said I’ll see you tomorrow again, I was grieving so didn’t say anything, so I rand the next morning which was a Friday to say the funeral is Monday and she said I’ll see you Tuesday, I went to work Tuesday and left about an hour in as I couldn’t stop bursting into tears. The worse experience ever.
I worked for some lovely people in my (very long) ” career”. One of them, I’d put in vacation time for the week my daughter was getting her tonsils out. My director found out, called me into his office and informed me I was taking paid sick leave, not vacation. If I needed more than 5 days, I was to take whatever I needed. A client director (I was contracting) found out my father was dying and I was working my day and then driving an hour to spend the evening with my father (he was on home hospice) until midnight… then driving home. He called the company I contracted through and told them what was going on and demanded they “make” me take time off. They did. I told him and he cried and said “thank god.” I toss these out to remind myself good management exists.
I feel for this man completely, I worked for a large American laboratory provider and my aunt passed away when I let my supervisor know that I would be taking three days off to go to the next state for her funeral, I was a trainer for phlebotomist in clients offices, and I had no new clients scheduled, and it should not have been a big deal, but my supervisor told me I was not allowed to take days off and asked me why my family had not planned the death better. I was an absolute shock and asked my supervisor exactly how my family was supposed to plan my aunts unforeseen death, to which she had no response but needless to say, I was in no position to lose my job and had to miss my aunt’s funeral, I was the only family member not there. I did find a new job and was able to get myself in a more secure financial position so if that situation or any other situation ever came up, I I would be able to walk away and not put my family in a hard place financially if I ever needed to stand my ground and put my family first.
Been a fan of yours on tik tok for a while now and glad I’ve never worked under people like this. I’ve been at a family run company for 11 years now and have had health problems with my partner over the last few years and my boss has always been brilliant with letting me have time off. Even at times at the drop of a hat and they have got someone in from an agency to cover and never pestered me back to work. Always said just let me know when you are coming back in. I said to him last year thanks for everything they have done for me they have been brilliant and he said hey all I’ve done is give you time. Which I said that’s all I needed though and not all employers would be willing to give it.
Many years ago, I worked for a big company. My father passed away suddenly. I called my boss and set out for Baltimore to be with my mom. The next morning, two managers from our Baltimore office visited my Mom offering their assistance. A simple act of kindness. Cost little but bought tons of loyalty. I was with the company for 37 years and never forgot.
Employer: “We’re really struggling without you.” Also employer: “You’re fired if you don’t return tomorrow.” Me: “If you were struggling so hard without me for one day that you will fire me tomorrow, doesn’t that mean you will struggle without me until someone fills my shoes at my same level? One of those things is not true.”
Adam, please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your nephew and your sister. Your boss was a sociopath! WTAF!?!? While listening to Adam, I was completely gobsmacked, flabbergasted and horrified!! I had just begun a job as a cashier at a large box store when my much beloved ex-mother-in-law passed. When I called to let them know I wouldn’t be in and why, I was ORDERED to take my 2 week’s bereavement leave and was sent a huge flower arrangement to my home to offer their condolences. This is how Adam’s boss SHOULD have handled it. I had divorced my husband years before so she was technically not family anymore and I made that clear. They still sent me on my leave and we’re surprisingly compassionate about my children’s grandmother’s passing. That was 2006 and it still touches my heart when I think about it.
Adam, I cheered when you said you left shortly afterwards Good job! and I wish you all the best… and, even though it is years after the passing of your nephew and your sister, a) it sounds like you and your family are amazing, b) my deepest condolences for your (and family’s) loss. Wishing you all the best
Companies will say all day long how “we’re a family” to try and guilt trip you into doing things you shouldn’t or getting you to look the other way. However the second, anything is flipped, they could care less about you. There is no reason to try at a job anymore, just do the minimum according to your description. Companies do not care about you.
I am not management, but I am the dude that is never sick and is always there, and I have no family. Teammates and bosses have had to dip out suddenly for major family illnesses or deaths, and my response has always been “Take care of business.” Once our 4-person team was down to two for about 3 weeks and we never missed a beat. Management had the same attitude.
I uncovered abuse at a supported living house. I went on leave and they sent me an email saying that they were sorry to have received my verbal resignation. There is a lot to the story, but long story short, I had a solicitor on my house insurance, I kept copies of all communication and took them to cleaners. I got two years of wages, but I was never compensated for the stress.
As much as I hated my old job, I can’t fault them. When my partner died I was given 4 weeks compassionate leave and then 6 months sick pay on full pay and then returned back on a phased return. My manager didn’t really get in contact with me, which annoyed me a bit, but looking back she was just trying to let me grieve.
Retired now – for years. But over 40 years of employment, so many managers and supervisors who barely qualified as human beings. “If you’re interring your grandfather at 2.00 pm, can you be back here by 3.00???” I’ve encountered bosses who were simply unbelievable. In fact I felt sorry for some of them. How DAMAGED are such people???
Had a manager who told a teenage worker that her family was not more important than her part time job. This was when her brother was rushed to hospital about a month after she had taken a day off work because another brother was in hospital, both brothers have a fatal disease that could take them at any moment. Manager just rolled her eyes at me when I reminded her of it, saying that family is not more important than a job. Was so glad when the coworker was able to quit and start her own very successful business before she was out of her teens and at least one of the brothers has received the gift of new lungs. Same manager punished me by making me work every weekend for five weeks because I needed a day off to take my child to the cardiologist. Yes she ended up being given the choice of resigning or being fired.
When I was working in a previous role, I was ignoring some early warning signs of stress and pushed on. Out of nowhere, just after food I had extremely severe abdominal pain which landed me in hospital. Doctor’s couldn’t figure out what was happening. I naturally notified my work that I wasn’t coming in due to hospital and I told them I wasn’t sure when I’d return. After the first night, my boss messages me asking if I can return to the office. No consideration on if I’m still unwell. Just wanted to know when I’m returning. I spent 5 days in hospital. Nobody from work (who knew I was in hospital) came to visit.
A friend of mine at work almost 20 years ago now died after a long illness. I’d known him most of my life and he’s the one who got me the job. My boss told me she’d get coverage for me so I could go to his wake, but she did nothing. I arranged my own coverage and went to the wake. When I got there, my boss came up to me and said, “What are you doing here?” I will never forgive her…
Not the same, but I’d had a miscarriage. A few months later I found out I was pregnant again. I got really sick, I was very dehydrated etc, I couldn’t swallow my own spit without throwing up. I was told I couldn’t take a day off work for morning sickness, even though i was unable to eat/drink. I went into work and collapsed in the staff toilets because I was so dehydrated. I was found and taken to the office, and I imagined I’d get first aid and possibly even an ambulance at that point. I was actually given a disciplinary. I was told I should expect to be sick if I was pregnant and if I didn’t want to get sick I should have kept my legs closed. Later on that day my husband took me to hospital and I was put on a drip and kept in for three days. Work wouldn’t accept a sick note, and argued with me about what treatment I’d had, as if I was lying. Another time I had to leave my station to go and be sick, and I was given a disciplinary for that too. I needed to whistleblow to my manager about another member of staff about them not pulling their weight and they were falling asleep when they were meant to be working. Manager brought her down to the office and sat there and let that member tear into me and say things like “we all KNOW your pregnant love, get over it” when I hadn’t brought my pregnancy into it. Later on, I wasn’t allowed to go to antenatal appointments for my 20 week scan and potentially life saving anti d injections, even though they had been in the diary for weeks. She also tried to stop me taking time off (I was signed off by my doctor) for stress, and even tried to stop me going on maternity leave and threatened not to pay me if I went on it.
It’s unfortunate that this happens more often than it should. In 2020 my grandmother passed the weeks before Christmas. My grandfather passed 4 months later and 2 months later my uncle passed from cancer. My mother becoming nearly sick because she couldn’t handle losing her parents and brother. I took some time to help her. When I came back I was told from my manger that she had a business to run and couldn’t deal with me taken days off anymore. She later reported me to HR because she believed I was lying and on top of that she told all the other managers the same thing. I was lucky that one of the managers told me what was being said and to expect a meeting with HR. It was the worst 6 months of my life and then I had to worry about my job being on the line because of my manger. I left later that year.
I went to work less than 12 hours after my twin brother died. I need to move to process things. it’s not the most healthy, I know, but it’s what i need to do. My boss, the owner of the company, kept trying to give me time off to process. But, ultimately, gave me the choice to work or not work. That’s the important bit. I had the choice.
Back in the early 2000s, in my Civil Service days, I was busy in the office when I got a call that my fiancée had been taken to hospital. She was visiting family in Birmingham and the hospital she’d gone to I was unfamiliar with. I told my HEO and without another word he not only told me to sign out immediately and go, he arranged full directions to get there AND arranged a collection from the team for travel fares (money wasn’t particularly great then). They almost literally were pushing me out the door, like “Why are you still here? Go, ffs!” I was also given a week leave and told not to go back until she was well again (which she was, thankfully). They literally couldn’t do enough for us. Now listening to the caller in comparison, my jaw was on the floor.
One of my husbands old job made him choose between being with me in labor and losing his job or keeping his job and coming to work but missing the birth of his child. Also this same company when he had PRE-APPROVED time off for our first ultrasound called 50 times when we were at the appointment during the appointment.
When my mom passed away, my step-sister called me at work to let me know. I went to the manager, told her what was going on and that I was leaving. The manager asked when the funeral would be held. My family is spread out over multiple states so I told her probably Saturday or Sunday so everyone can get to where my mom lived. My manager said, since I only had three bereavement days, I could work until Thursday or Friday (this was on a Tuesday and I wasn’t even halfway through my shift yet) then drive home for the funeral. It’s at least a ten hour drive from where I live to where my parents live. I told her that wasn’t going to happen because I needed to get some things done before I left and I was in no shape to be working. I ended up taking PTO, along with the bereavement days, as well as a couple of unpaid days when I got back before returning to work.
Losing my sister was the hardest thing in my life. I was fortuante that im self employed and took the time off that I needed and had some clients who even 5 years later love dearly for the compassion they showed me. I cant imagine what this poor guy has been though being treated like that at the very worst of times. Nothing can prepare you for losing your sibling.
I’ve been lucky I guess whenever something has happened my bosses have been cool about me taking whatever time I needed. My dad died late last year and I live cross country..soon as I told my job they told me “take all the time you need” and even sent me a bouquet of flowers sending their deepest condolences for my loss. My experience should be the norm not the exception.
I was at work when my dad told my my grandmother(Alzheimers) was very close to the end. He needed me 100 miles away. I told my boss the situation. She literally said to me, “You can’t go. She not dead yet” This woman was a widowed pastor’s wife and a pastor herself. Just a shell if a human. I regret to this day that I didn’t eloquently tell her off and leave. I was shocked. I wasn’t an employee. I was company property. My dad is still alive and is soon moving in with me for his remaining years 🧡
I had a manager at a great place I worked at call me in the middle of prearranged time off to deal with family issues. It was out of character, so I hung up, and didn’t answer any more calls. When I got back to work, no one said anything to me. Whatever the issue was, they resolved it without me. This was actually the beginning of improvements across the entire organization to train managers to understand and respect employees’ work-life balance.
Co-workers and subordinates are bad too. I had an intern that decided, since he had a masters degree, he was more qualified to do my job and that I should just die so he could take my job. I simply told him that he not only had a crappy attitude but he lacked the necessary job skills and training. Last time I saw him, he was working as an assistant manager at a book store. Perfect.
I was top in a company I used to work for had an uncle pass unexpectedly and my grandfather was also sick, i took time to go to the funeral. The day of the funeral my grandfather paassed. I called my DM at the time and let her know i would not be back i needed another week with my family. You thought I was the worst employee and was brushed off as a big inconvenience to her. That was the date i started looking for a new career
I asked to talk to my manager ‘face to face’ (video through teams) rather than via message to tell her my aunt was dying. And her reply when I asked for a meeting was “I’m really busy and am out tomorrow, can this wait until Friday?” So much for open door policy and making sure your employees are thought of as actual people and a priority (I don’t ask to meet with her often). Mind you, she also wrote me up for giving her feedback on how I’d like to receive feedback with an example – and the letter contained a lot of ‘it felt like’ and included the threat that I could lose my job if she didn’t understand the context of my ‘tone.’
I had a serious illness, I was off work with a Doctor’s note saying I was unable to work, and my boss phoned me daily to tell me that if I ‘woke up and suddenly felt better’ (I kid you not) that I should just come in to work since they’re short-staffed without me. I finally quit my job while still on sick leave, and it took me a year to fully recover my health.
Makes me grateful for the locally owned fast food franchise I manage for. Lost my Mom in August ’22 and my Dad the day after Christmas, same year. They paid me for a week’s bereavement leave after Mom. After Dad, HR put it in as vacation by mistake, which ate my last 5 days for the year. When I tried to take those last few days and caught the mistake, my RVP made sure they were “refunded” back to me in less than 48 hours AND ok’d my vacation request on the spot. I love my bosses.
Yeah, one of the things People need to be reminded of is that family always comes first, then your job then yourself in the way most people prioritise things, where if you try to get someone to put their job before their family then you are either going to have an employee that doesn’t like working for you or eventually they aren’t going to have an employee. Where what these larger companies seem to forget is that if you have happy employees and a work culture of being able to go to your company about problems you are having and actually helping them with it (like any competent company should be able to do) then you are going to have more productive employees because they like working there and therefore a more profitable business
several years ago, my grandfather passed. I got the call at 10pm at night, while I was at work. I left in the middle of my shift. The next day, a Thursday, while with my family and my grandmother wailing over the loss of my grandfather, I had to call work to update them on what was going on. I explained what happened, and my boss asked if I would be into work that night. I said “No, I won’t be back until Monday.” He argued that if the funeral was on the weekend, there was no reason I couldn’t work that night. I said I was taking bereavement, and I’d be back on Monday. He said ” We will see what HR says about that”… HR “Sorry for your loss, see you Monday.”
My husband who is 36 was diagnosed with kidney cancer and my employer basically said to me i need to have my shift covered. On the day of his operation i was rung multiple times, asking who was covering my shift, bare in mind my shift was 3 hours long. When i rang them to give them an update i was asked did he survive surgery and if he did when are you back. Needless to say i quit.
You said it well managers are supposed to also support their team and stand up to the directors. We have the same issues at a major airline. The managers do not back us up at all if you are 1 minute late they they give you a bad pr log for the day. If you challenge anything they pr log you like they are gods. Im the kind of person who confronts it and they make you look like the bad person all the time. These company’s need calling out
Some years ago I told my manager I needed to go to a family members funeral, it was a family member who had died suddenly in an accident. The first question was ‘ok but how long do you think you will be? Will you be back by 2pm?’. I regret so much not challenging that manager. At my relatives wake my poor dad kept looking at his watch worried I was going to get in trouble if I didnt rush back to the office.
As a manager, I’ve told my staff “do not worry, I’ll handle everything. Let me know if you need anything. Text when you are ready to return.” That is why my staff stayed with me through th8ck and thin. I wish MY boss had done the same when my husband was 2 weeks in ICU on life support before we allowed him to die. I had to run interference between him and my staff. American typical bereavement leave is 3, yes THREE, days.
I was training to be a nurse quite a few years ago at 17. My dad died in a horrible car accident when I was 3 my youngest brother at the time was only 12 days old. On the anniversary of my dad’s death, I experienced my first death of a patient followed shortly after by receiving a call on the ward telling me my gran had just passed away. The nursing school were brilliant arranging time off for the funeral etc When I got home my step brother was only 5 but the whole family were devastated with the unexpected death of my gran. So I looked after him and couldn’t let my grief out until the next day where it really hit me. My old doc basically said I needed time to grieve and as I would only be going back for a half shift signed me off. The nursing school and ward was informed and the school was really supportive. When I got back to the ward the sister in charge told me that I was a disgrace to the nursing profession and if I couldn’t handle death I was in the wrong job
I lost my mom last year. 4 months from diagnosis to her passing away. I was actually on vacation time when she was diagnosed and called my boss and my bosses boss about it and told them I had to take care of her and my dad because he was about to get knee replacement surgery. They told me to get a doctors notice so I got 3 weeks off to take care of her while he was in rehab. After that I was allowed to work till 3pm every day to take care of her (shift was normally till at least 5:30pm). I switched jobs a month and a half before she passed and I didn’t say anything about my situation. Didn’t have to, hours were better. The Sunday when it was obvious she didn’t have long I called my boss told him and he told me to take all the time I needed. That Monday she passed and he told me to take the week off and even longer if I needed it. I’m grateful that my bosses have all been empathetic. Their answer has been that they have families too and would want their boss to react the same way.
I mentioned this on a pervious vid were my manager was calling me demanding I come into work while I was waiting to see my father in hospital! (who later died about 2 months later) and I ended up just putting the phone down and ignoring the calls for which I got a warning, fast forward a few weeks and his mom went into hospital and he took the night off and I really enjoyed talking smack to him the next day about how he wasn’t able to apply his own logic on himself, I got a warning for it but at this stage I was so done with the company I was actively going out of my way to be the biggest pain in the ass possible to make his life at work as hard as I could by not completing work on time etc and in end took time off and handed in my notice near end saying I was leaving due to wanting a lifestyle change etc and went to a new job the next week!
The thing about a funeral is you only get to say goodbye once. Do I remember what I was working on when each of my parents died? And what work I was missing whilst I was away?? Absolutely not! Work pressures happen but they are wholly insignificant compared to saying your goodbyes to a family member. The company should NOT come first. The guy who said that has his priorities backwards
This same crap happened to me when my mother died.. I got a call at work they had decided to do a last ditch effort surgery and they needed a family member there. I left work mid day.. The next day, I got a call that the hospital was calling the entire family in.. They did not want to let me leave because I’d left the day before.. They jerked me around for 90mins until I flipped out and told them if my mother died while they were jerking me around, you be reading about how heartless you people are in the news paper.. My mom died that day: I did see her.. But I never got over how they treated me..
Literally the opposite of how my company would respond. My grandad died. I was told take as long as you need. I was off for 3 days, then another 3 around the funeral. All paid and not taken from my leave entitlement. When I went back in, the first question my boss asked was how are you? If you need more time just let me know and I’ll cover your work myself.
My husband is close to writing a book of alll the creative abuse he was subjected to in a couple companies he worked for, for over a couple of decades. Every single example you have read out in shorts, and the accounts of interviews, are all too sadly familiar. It was personal, professional, mental and even physical, but there is also comic moments of extreme stupidity, and even just plain unprofessional and totally inappropriate workplace behaviour by senior staff. And yep – ive switched his phone off at times as some managers think an employment contract is a licence for indentured servitude – 9 to 5 (and then some) saturday night, sunday lunch time, weekday 3 am, or in hospital emergency with kidney stones and a verbal thrashing for not logging on to his machine IN EMERGENCY – to fix a problem. No one calls out this behavior. Any wonder our millenial kids want guarantees of every everything before they start work. They saw their parents lives being controlled by their work. And I llost count of the times I intervened directly with my hubbies senior managers – Im told I can get scarey….llol. But it should never come to that.
In my last job when my grandma died I went into work and asked to speak to my deputy manager. Basically broke down in tears telling her and she asked if I needed to go home, did I need a break, was I ok? My manager though, I told her my grandma died and I may need a few days off for the funeral (grandma was in Wales, I’m in Yorkshire) and her first words to me were ‘well you’ll need to take it as holiday or unpaid’ I was stunned. So yeah, I took a holiday day to attend my grandmas funeral.
When the management are that reliant on you, you should start asking for equity in the company, because that’s the real way to motivate someone outside of a salary increase. Threatening to fire people just opens them up to finding a better job, most likely with a competitor, or sometimes like in this case starting a whole new competing company.
My daughter was told she had to come in to work or she would loose her job, while she was in the isolation ward in hospital which they knew. Reason being there, some one had gone bought a pint of milk and infected her with something they been told to quarantine them self with. Yeah, they know who because it was only 2 cases in that area at the time and no not Covid.
I was a Board Director at a firm where one of the other Directors was trying to force one of his employees into work whilst his teenage son was dying horribly painfully from an aggressive form of cancer. At one Board meeting he said, oh he is never in, just calls in at the last minute and says he won’t be in today or can he go early because his wife can’t carry his son to his bed. It is the only time I have ever lost my $hit in a Board meeting . Just inhuman and the rest of us said he can have as much time as he needs, whenever he needs it . The employee left soon after his son died to take up a position at another firm but not before I apologised to him for the awful treatment he’d suffered. Still haunts me that the worst time of his life was made worse by his boss hammering him. This went on for months before we found out.
I was at work trying to get stuff done while waiting on call that my grandmother had died. As I was explains this to mt sales rep’s assistant, he got on the phone berating me cause I had not gotten some paperwork to home. I can hear his assistant trying to explain the situation while he’s complaining. I finally hung up on him. Came back to work with multiple apologies from him. He wasn’t our rep much loner after that.
Gosh this is horrible… hate to say it, but I’ve had two similar experiences. The worst was when my father died in front of me in 2013, and I took a week off work. Went back and was struggling with insomnia and PTSD symptoms. I asked my manager for more time and was told, “most people just take two days or so then move on, we need you here.” Similar experience losing my uncle (who was my best mate) in 2016. I rang my boss to let her know I needed some days off and in the same call she asked me if I had finished a report I’d been working on. This is in Australia BTW. Our laws have changed a bit with companies needing to take more care to provide mentally safe workplaces, but these stories are surprisingly not that rare.
When my mum died I was working for Do It All. My dad and his friend organised the funeral. I had one day off for it and nothing was said at work – nobody organised a card, flowers, nothing. When my partner died I was working for a bank call centre. We weren’t married or even co-habiting but we’d been together 25 years and I’d been his carer during his final illness. Again, I had one day off for the funeral and that was it. In neither case was I offered compassionate leave. When my dad died I was working for the NHS. I got a week’s compassionate leave. I was astonished and was back after two days once we’d cleared his room at the rest home and organised the funeral. I just wasn’t expecting a whole week off! Boss asked me why I was back. Colleagues sent cards and brought chocolate. Completely different approaches. NB – when my brother died I was sent back to school the next day. The “war generation” of parents were pretty much “stiff upper lip, get on with it.”.
I was lucky when my sis passed. My department and deputy manager gave me a week’s sick leave a week’s compassionate leave and moved my holiday that was due in 2 weeks forward to make sure I had an entire month away from it all. I consider myself lucky there. When my Gran died though management had changed and they didn’t want me to leave when she was dying I told them I was going whether they liked it or not regardless of what they decided she was more important. They shut up and didn’t say anything to me till I returned to work a few days later
If I had a boss who kept calling me and I had a family member die and they kept asking me to come in I’d tell them to F off, don’t care if I lose my job but mental health, physical health and family come first, the company isn’t gonna shut out just because one person isn’t there, health over everything and they can do one, hate companies like this, even Retail is like this where they don’t care they just expect you to be in
I worked for a maintenance company and had to travel around the country servicing cooling towers and water systems in public buildings, my wife was pregnant with my third child but unfortunately she had to stay in hospital for 5 months solid in order for her to get as close to term as she could (she had a history of miscarriages and we had lost 5 babies previously).When I asked my boss if I could schedule my work around buildings closer to home so I could get back each night to visit my wife and obviously to look after my two boys (I had someone come in early to look after them before school and to pick them up and feed them until I got home) he got very angry and demanded I took my job seriously, is exact words were “Your job should be your first priority” needless to say I ended up telling him to stick his job where the sun don’t shine. I then got bombarded with threats and demands that I deliver the company vehicle back to the depot there and then, I made him send two engineers to my home to pick up the vehicle, but only after I received any wages and holiday pay owed. I wonder how he would have reacted if the shoe was on the other foot?
My response if one of my direct reports had a problem like either of these “Thanks for telling me. I’ll assume you’re out for at least a week. I’ll make sure nobody calls you. I only have two questions – is there anythinf you want me to know? Is there anything we can do to support you? You dont have to answer either now, but I’m only a phone call or text away.”
During my interview for a job, I discussed with my employer that the day before my interview I was at the hospital to see my dad and he didn’t have much time. My then employer said it would not be a problem if I accepted the job because she would grant me last minute time off to spend time with him. Three months later my dad had a seizure and went into a coma. This employer refused to let me see him and guilt tripped me to cover her holiday. When I explained that he was on his death bed her answer was “yeah, but do you know what position you are putting me in?” I then quit with immediate effect. When I received my salary she deducted £575 unlawfully by creating bogus claims because she was so angry I left to see my dying dad and although she found out he passed away, refused to pay me back.
Nobody with an ounce of grit needs to be owned in such situations, whether middle management or staff. If for no other reason that – if that’s how they treat you now – how the hell do you think they’ll treat after you’ve knuckled under? We all need jobs. Depending on your abilities – do you really need THIS job that much? I’ve walked away from a few jobs in my life. Regretted my decision once or twice – but in the long term, not that often. Grow a pair.
I have been fortunate to work for some great companies BUT I am fully aware that I can be replaced just like the company can as it’s not my company. In moments of self absorbed insanity from some super keen co workers I remind them of “hit by the bus”…. As in if you were hit by a bus in the way to work would the company still exist and function, damn good bet it’s yes, so before getting so wrapped up in someone’s business step back
What a scummy company with a manly scummy manager, I felt so sorry for you Adam you went through that, how you kept it together, and didn’t Frankly didn’t beat the living shi£ out of the c.e.o and boss is a mystery and I’m so glad you out on your own doing something you love, big hugs and love to you and your family. ❤
My very first proper job was in a well known electronics retailer I had a very good friend who sadly took his own life, i was a bit of a zombie at the time so i went into work but i found myself utterly unable to control my emotions at the time, i nearly cursed out a half dozen customers inside the first hour i was there so i did what i felt was responsible and informed my manager of the situation and asked for the day off. As i was on my way home, probably within 20 minutes i received a text asking if i would be able to come in the next day. I was still a mess obviously and this being my first job i was stil lacking the confidence I needed to tell him to jog on. So i went in the next day and spent probably 3 hours of my 8 hour shift just alternating between so angry I couldn’t breathe and crying in the toilet. Somehow i didn’t snap on a customer but i always regretted coming in.
A manager questioned why I took a ‘whole week’ after my dad died and accused me of ‘milking it.’ Said he didn’t see why anyone would need more than a day or two, since he hadn’t. I said I’m sorry you had no real relationship with your father, or your mother, either. Or you’d have known she needed more support. He walked away.
This comment is for encouragement that there are good employers out there. My workplace allows remote work and provides laptops and printers for those who need them. Remote can be out of state or out of the country. If there is a personal emergency or you are sick, you are likely to be “ordered” to go home and take care of it. No layoffs during the pandemic, but we were asked to cut back hours because 80% for everyone is better than 0% for some. It’s not perfect, but everyone works hard and works together.
I worked for a terrible company once decades ago (a bank) and a person I worked with had a sibling pass and though this company is probably one of the worst to work for on the planet they still gave him about a month off (paid even though he wasn’t eligible for that yet they still did it) and were incredibly respectful it blew my.mind because this company is the devil itself (I had a coworker literally die in office because the job is so stressful) i guess yhe person in charge of stuff like that had also lost a close family member and was sympathetic. They didn’t even know if he was going to come back because he was so.devistated and they still paid him. This was not an executive position it was just an entry level position. I still hate that company for alot of reasons that im not going to get into but I still remember that they did help someone out who was in a horrible situation edit I think why this happened is because we had an amazing manager who was a combat veteran and knew how bad loosing someone hurts.
Years ago my husband had a massive heart attack and almost died. He ended up in ICU, as he wasn’t recovering the way he should have, so I was spending most of my time at his bedside. The Manager of the company I worked for rang to enquire how he was, then the MD got on the phone and demanded that I come back to work the next day, I refused. Apparently, I needed to come to work for my work/life balance and that when his brother had a heart attack, his sister in law had just dropped him off at the hospital. I told him that if his brother was anything like him then I wasn’t surprised she treated him like that. They then refused to pay me my legal entitlement for compassionate leave. Then a few years later, when my Dad was on his deathbed, they demanded that I go from working part time to full time or they would sack me, I refused, I told the new MD that he could go and f*$k himself and retired!
As a manager I always saw myself as a buffer between my team and upper management. I know these people, I work with them day in and day out, I know what’s going on in their lives, we are essentially extended family. I’ll be damned if I ever came at any of my team members this way. “Go take care of your family and do what you need to do, let me know if you need anything, we will sort out everything that needs to be sorted while you’re gone.” That is all that is allowed to be said I don’t give a damn if the company president is coming for a visit – I’ll take that on my shoulders. There is a basic level of human decency you need to operate at and let’s not get it twisted- should something unexpected and awful come up in my life it would be my team who showed me compassion not the upper elites. I had a shit boss who sold me out and threw me full force under the bus to save her own ass and I swore from that moment forward the only things she and I would ever have in common as management for that company would be what was between our legs!
The common thread of all the articles on this website is narcissistic bosses. A person who is narcissistic thinks the rest of the world revolves around them and everybody else has to fit in with their thinking regardless of any personal wants or desires. They also lack any empathy or compassion for anyone else, irrespective of the circumstances. Unfortunately narcissistic persons often get things done and tend to be promoted to at least their level of incompetency, when their true colours are displayed. A employee with a narcissistic boss should immediately quit and go and work for someone who has more human qualities, as the old boss will never change.
Some work places disgust me… some people shouldn’t ever be incharge! About 20 odd years ago My mum had a hysterectomy and her bosses at the time insisted she come back to work after a week or else she’d be fired (there was no urgency they were just lazy). The business ran from an office on their home property and the parking was at the top of a steep driveway and they parked their 2 cars sideways across the drive so my mum had to park on the hill really awkwardly and she nearly tore herself back open trying to get out the car and across the drive. And about a year ago I took a sick day and messaged my boss at 7.40 am to tell her I wasn’t gonna make it in. She messaged me back at around 10 to ask if I was resigning? Please put it in writing and they would wave my notice period. I responded woah I’m just sick She said I never messaged. I literally referred to the message in chat 2 messages prior with a “?”. Toxic as hell work environment. Left soon after
My exs nan passed suddenly and really u expected so I left work to take my partner to be there i was also heart broken as we was very close to her and my boss asked me what time will I be back I said I won’t be back till tomorrow her response was she isn’t your family why do u need to be there so I took another 3 days of and when u went back she threatened me with my job saying I’d left her short staffed …there was 8 people on shift we only need 6 she was giving 2 other people shifts so they got money(her nephews) she told me her nephew couldn’t go out clubbing because o wasn’t available to cover him
Sad as hell Story… I remember being in my internship, 1 year in and my mom passed away suddenly and i told them that i need to take care of things now (i have 4 siblings and we lived with our mother only) and i asked my responsible manager/the ceo of the company for a week off and they told me that “we dont hand out days off for free..” mind you, i was in an internship, so i was paid like 700 euro (before tax) per month…. i tried to talk to the HR “lady”, she was actually a real fucking hoe, she told me i shall work to get my mind off of things…. and that i could go donate blood for all the financial trouble i was going throught at that time…. so in the end, i went to the doctor and told him and he handed me a sick-note for 4 weeks…. they couldnt “kick me out” since i was protected by the internship laws in germany and kicking out someone for being ill/unfit for work due to having a family member die or being sick in general will throw a terrible shade on the company and result in fine or possible revokement of their ability to have trainees…. So after a while when i was back, no sympathy from any of the fucking superiors, just an annoyed tone whenever i talked to them as if “i dont want to hear your crap” and they tried every little thing to kick me out for the dumbest shit.. like when i was almost falling asleep in a 4 hour meeting due to my trauma induced insomnia… sadly that wasnt it, just a year later my older brother passed away, just as suddenly and i was at work when i got the call.
one of my jobs is as a manager, I worked my way up and did most jobs at that venue. managers have one the day to day an EASY job, dont let them lie to you, they’re not killing themselves writing shift shedules, etc. They get paid more to MANAGE AND SOLVE PROBLEMS and managing problems DOES NOT MEAN harassing your coworkers. It means staying calm, finding a solution, working with what you have, managing expectations with guests / customers and if people are sick / unavailable maybe jumping in yourself. it also means YOU GET BLAMED for things going wrong. Even if one of your colleagues screws up, you are the one who will take the blame in front of customers and then solve the issue with coworkers in a calm and private meeting.
I can’t even understand this behaviour. I live in Denmark, but I’m American. I work part time at a flower shop making bouquets. It’s a very small privately owned business where I’m one of two who can make bouquets. In mid-November my mother, in USA, had an accident where she was on life support. I had to fly home and do so very suddenly, without much notice to my boss. My one week trip turned into three (whole other story, and had nothing to do with my mother, who is now doing quite well), and during this time I had no idea when I could be back to Denmark. Also, my phone got left in Denmark so my husband was the one communicating with my boss. Was my boss stressed that I wasn’t there, and had no idea when I’d be back? Yes. Was it quickly nearing the Christmas holidays, some of the busiest times of the year for a flower shop? Yes! Did he fire me or threaten to fire me? Hell no!
I worked as freelance for a company that always sad my schedule was flexible although I was working 16h straight most of the days and weekends. When my grandmother had a stroke, for a whole year, we had many times calls from the hospital and care facilities that my grandma was at death risk and of course I would leave running to my grandmother bed rest. Once my direct manager, and I was always compensating my time away, asked me when I expected my grandmother to die because it was not ok me leaving. Remind again: I was a freelance with flexible hours. After my grandmother’s death, I quitted and told him that I could stay with a company that was not respecting my grief while I never let the work down.
I have a different sort of story. I know, Ben, that you’re suspicious of companies that say “We’re like a family”: Let me tell you what that statement looks like from my perspective. My wife and I were both working as long term, but hourly paid contractors for a company based in another country. My wife started having digestion issues, and after one bad spell of being unable to keep food down she went into the hospital. Within a few days she was diagnosed with a rare form of stomach cancer that prevented her from eating. It was an uncertain road, we didn’t even know when or even whether she would be returning home. I let my boss, the CEO, know that she’d be unable to finish the project she was working on and explained the situation, and that I might not be productive. Her billing would not be arriving and my own hours would be somewhat reduced. His response was (and I’m paraphrasing): That’s not acceptable. What? Still paraphrasing: “It’s not acceptable that you’re going to be worried about income. She needs to recover, and you need to support her, and we don’t want either of you to be stressed about work or finances. Take as much time as you need. We know you’ll work as much as you think is right, and I have directed the CFO to continue to compensate her at the same rate as her last invoice, and she’s not to return to work until she truly feels up to it. And then she’s only to work as much as she wants to. And please tell her we’re here for both of you.” Fortunately she had life-saving surgery and got home five weeks later, and felt well enough to work a little.
I watch these articles, because of various ways I was treated, you would enjoy the story with my first job. I would like to tell it, if there is a subreddit or an email, I would give you the story. I also watch these articles, because I am about to step up my own companies and I am learning how to act in these situations.
That first manager sounds like he might be too agreeable to be in a leadership position. As in wanting to not upset those above him and seem like a good guy. I know this sounds counterintuitive to those who are not as agreeable but it’s actually a thing. You end up being an asshole trying not to be an asshole. I am a severely agreeable person and I’ve been there… Not where I was calling someone and pestering them about coming in the day after their nephew died, but I have mentally ignored aspects of a situation in favour of wanting things to “go smoothly” with people in the past. I gotta be on the lookout for it all the time when I deal with contentious situations. Because if I don’t, I might fold over backwards for those above and beyond me on the ladder alike in an attempt to have everyone covered perfectly when that might not be possible.
I have a somewhat similar story but with a twist in regards to the trends I have seen on this website. I often see the managers being the asshole and the employee having to threaten to go to HR. In my case it was the opposite. I took a few days off for bereavement because my Grandmother was on her death bed and the doctors said that they are unsure how long she has left but it could be tonight. She ended up lasting a week and even woke up from her coma once for about a day so that we could say our goodbyes. I overall took 3 days off for paid bereavement leave since this is what our company allows. However HR came back to me and stated that my request for bereavement PTO was cancelled because my Grandmother was still alive on the days I was off which was the biggest slap in the face. It was my manager that told me this was bullshit and said he would handle it. And sure enough with his pressure HR backed down and regranted my bereavement leave. Been with this company for 10 years and have gone through many different direct managers. All of them have been amazing.
This is shocking, I can’t help feeling that this needed addressing head on though. I get the sense that this guy was very agreeable and didn’t push back enough – I mean, there’s just no way in hell I would tolerate any calls in a situation like this, I might have sent a quick email response saying I’m not available until whenever … Then when I was back I’d lay down the law and set the boundries early on. It sounds like this was a generally bad place to work with sh*t management and that he relied on the job, but there’s just no circumstances where I’d accept that behaviour, If you want respect you have to command it and letting this kind of thing happen once ensures that it’ll keep happening by POS managers. I don’t know, I’m sure I’ll be accused of being harsh here, but I’m just pointing out that if none of us accepted that behaviour they wouldn’t continue to behave that way.
I just wonder, are these people that have job issues from America or something? because if they do this kind of stuff in The Netherlands, to me as an employee, i would be able to sue them XD And i think the UK is quite the same from what i have heard. (my sis works and lives there for over 8 years now)