How To Handle Co-Parenting?

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Co-parenting is the shared parenting of children by non-married or living apart parents, and it requires empathy, patience, and open communication for success. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being. Co-parenting counseling helps parents work together post-divorce to create a supportive environment for their children, addressing various issues from general purposes and discussion topics to specific challenges involving stepparents.

Co-parenting successfully involves being flexible, accepting different parenting styles, helping your child feel connected to their other parent, keeping your child’s other parent updated, planning tasks, activities, and events, and giving your child’s other parent some time to learn the ropes. Simple manners should be the foundation for co-parenting, including letting your ex know about school events.

Dr. Jones shares tips for managing co-parenting and making it a more positive process for children. Tips include being flexible, trying to accept different parenting styles, helping your child feel connected to their other parent, keeping your child’s other parent up-to-date, planning tasks, activities, and events, and being considerate and respectful. Establishing appropriate boundaries to protect your well-being and ensure mutual respect is essential.

Creating structure in your relationship with the other parent is crucial. Feeling your feelings, refocusing, and staying active can help relieve stress and aggression. You don’t need anyone else to help you parent your children; they need love, support, and consistency.

To successfully co-parent, have no expectations, deal with your co-parent like a co-worker, be consistent, keep it all about the kids, and live your life. Separate your emotions from your child’s and develop a co-parenting communications strategy. By following these tips, you can create a supportive and healthy co-parenting environment for your children.

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📹 Co-Parenting with a Difficult Personality – Mistakes People Make!

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What Not To Do When Co-Parenting
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What Not To Do When Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting can be challenging, especially for those who have gone through marital issues. To ensure a successful arrangement, it is essential to avoid certain behaviors. First, never place your child in the middle of conflicts or use them as messengers. Blaming the other parent for past or present issues can damage trust and communication. Avoid making "take it or leave it" proposals, and do not make decisions without considering the other co-parent’s perspective.

Empathy, patience, and open communication are paramount. Establishing clear custody schedules and written parenting plans help maintain organization and consistency, which benefits children’s emotional health and academic performance. It’s also crucial to approach parenting conflicts constructively by focusing on positives instead of past grievances. Co-parenting styles vary, but collaboration and compromise enhance outcomes for children. Always refrain from criticizing or bad-mouthing the other parent in front of the child, as doing so can undermine their relationship.

Ultimately, finding workable solutions that prioritize the child's well-being is vital for effective co-parenting. Recognizing what to avoid can make both parents better caregivers and create a healthier environment for their children.

What Are The 3 Types Of Co-Parenting
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What Are The 3 Types Of Co-Parenting?

Experts categorize co-parenting arrangements into three main models: parallel parenting, cooperative co-parenting, and conflicted co-parenting. Co-parenting post-divorce or separation is vital for providing a stable environment for children. Separated parents, whether divorced, annulled, or legally separated, often adopt various parenting styles, significantly influencing how they raise their children after parting ways.

In her book, "The Good Divorce," Dr. Ahrons illustrates several co-parenting categories, emphasizing the importance of co-parenting for children's healthy development and adjustment to changes in family dynamics. These three types are defined as follows:

  1. Cooperative Co-Parenting - Involves parents working together harmoniously, often sharing similar parenting approaches.
  2. Parallel Co-Parenting - Characterized by parents minimizing direct interactions, operating independently while maintaining the child’s needs as the priority.
  3. Conflicted Co-Parenting - Involves high levels of conflict or disagreement between parents, which can negatively affect the children's well-being.

Family lawyers highlight the various co-parenting arrangements, noting how their effectiveness varies based on how well parents can manage their relationships. Research indicates that children from divorced families may face challenges, making effective co-parenting essential. Dr. Mavis Hetherington's classifications further reinforce the prevalent types: conflicted, cooperative, and parallel. Understanding these models helps in navigating post-divorce parenting effectively and ensuring a more stable environment for children.

How To Co-Parent When You Still Have Feelings
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How To Co-Parent When You Still Have Feelings?

Effective co-parenting hinges on open and honest communication, where both parents clearly define roles, responsibilities, and expectations. Establishing boundaries is essential to differentiate romantic feelings from parenting duties. It's crucial to seek support, especially since breakups often leave one partner more hurt than the other. Despite emotional complexities, co-parenting can be navigated successfully through empathy, patience, and collaboration.

Research indicates that children benefit from a unified parenting approach, fostering better well-being. Creating a mutually agreeable, realistic schedule is pivotal, as is seeking legal solutions early in the divorce process.

Developing a comprehensive co-parenting plan allows for clarity regarding custody, visitation, and decision-making. This roadmap helps to minimize stress and conflict. Keeping interactions child-focused ensures both parents can cooperate effectively. Allowing space for healing and setting essential boundaries is vital. Parents should maintain open lines of communication and be flexible regarding each other's needs. Building a support network can also be beneficial.

Ultimately, the priority lies in putting children's needs above personal feelings and respecting one another, enabling a positive co-parenting experience. Consistency in these practices contributes significantly to a stable and nurturing environment for children, even amidst the challenges of separation.

How Do You Play Dirty In A Custody Battle
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How Do You Play Dirty In A Custody Battle?

Parents may engage in various manipulative tactics during custody battles to undermine their co-parent's relationship with the child. These tactics include brainwashing, badmouthing the other parent, manipulating the child, lying, isolating the child from friends and family, and making false accusations. Such dirty tricks can occur before, during, or after custody hearings. Red flags to look for include games of distraction and deceitful behavior, which can significantly impact the custody arrangement.

It's crucial to maintain your child's best interests by avoiding negative speech about the other parent and refraining from dishonest claims that the other parent poses a danger to the child. Parents should not record others without consent or engage in financial sabotage, such as maxing out credit cards or cleaning out bank accounts. To navigate these challenging situations, hiring a competent attorney is essential, along with seeking co-parenting classes and counseling for both parties.

It's vital to be aware of how some may resort to fake violence or false accusations to gain custody. Overall, prioritizing the child's needs and maintaining a positive relationship with both parents can help in achieving the best outcome during custody disputes.

What Is Unhealthy Co-Parenting
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What Is Unhealthy Co-Parenting?

Bad co-parenting behavior includes constantly arguing or fighting in front of the children, refusing to communicate or collaborate on decisions regarding their upbringing, education, or medical care. Unhealthy co-parenting boundaries manifest in communication patterns, custody expectations, and privacy preferences. It's essential for parents to prioritize their children's well-being over personal grievances. Co-parenting, or shared parenting, involves jointly raising children post-separation or divorce, which can often be complicated.

Talking disparagingly about the other parent harms children's development and increases their risk of behavioral problems. Co-parenting differs from parallel parenting, as it emphasizes open communication and collaboration. Negative feelings like distrust, anger, and resentment often disrupt effective co-parenting, leading to adverse outcomes. Engaging in bad co-parenting behaviors, such as withholding information about schooling, involving children in parental conflicts, and badmouthing the other parent, creates confusion and emotional distress for the children.

Research highlights that co-parenting is crucial for children's mental health, emphasizing the need for harmony post-divorce. Thus, developing healthy co-parenting strategies is vital for fostering positive emotional, behavioral, and social outcomes for children involved.

How To Handle A Difficult Co-Parent
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How To Handle A Difficult Co-Parent?

Managing an uncooperative co-parent requires a strategic and calm approach to ensure the well-being of your children. Start by preemptively addressing potential issues and establishing emotional boundaries to safeguard your peace of mind. Recognize that you cannot control your ex's behavior; focus instead on what you can influence. Employ non-combative language to reduce conflict and adhere to your commitments consistently. Understanding your co-parent's triggers can help in navigating interactions more smoothly.

While it’s important to facilitate a healthy relationship between your kids and both parents, limit direct contact with the uncooperative co-parent to minimize unnecessary confrontations. Accept the reality that your ex may not change, and disengage from emotionally charged situations. Maintain focus on your children's needs, setting a positive example. By implementing these strategies, you create a healthier co-parenting dynamic, reducing stress while ensuring your children's best interests are prioritized. Ultimately, success in co-parenting hinges on empathy, patience, and effective communication.

How To Emotionally Deal With Shared Custody
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How To Emotionally Deal With Shared Custody?

Express your emotions constructively by confiding in friends, therapists, or pets, rather than your child. Exercise can also serve as an effective outlet. While some children in joint custody may appear unaffected, they can still experience subtle emotional impacts. To manage emotions related to shared custody, establish a communication plan to maintain connections with your child, regardless of physical separation. Avoid negative talk about the other parent, as it can harm your child.

Joint custody arrangements allow children to bond with both parents, making shared time essential. Prioritize cooperative co-parenting for your child's well-being. Manage your feelings, understanding that they don't dictate your actions. Make developing a healthy co-parenting relationship a priority, and focus on being supportive of your ex when your child is with them. Although missing your children is challenging, shift focus to the joy of future reunions.

Create new routines and traditions to enhance quality time spent together. Be patient with your emotional journey, as everyone processes differently. Lastly, promote collaboration over conflict, maintain respect in interactions, and establish a solid parenting plan to navigate shared custody successfully. These strategic approaches can alleviate the stress of custody transitions while supporting your child’s emotional health.

What'S The Hardest Age For Children To See Their Parents Split
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What'S The Hardest Age For Children To See Their Parents Split?

The separation or divorce of parents is particularly challenging for children aged 6 to 12, often seen as the hardest period for coping with such events. At this stage, children can actively recall familial happiness and recognize the significance of their parents' relationship. Research indicates that kids around 10 or 11 face heightened emotional and psychological stress, as they begin to comprehend relationships and complex feelings, making them more prone to feelings of guilt, believing they might be to blame for the divorce.

Emotional trauma from divorce can begin manifesting in children as young as 3, with 11 being a peak age for distress. Children in this age bracket, particularly preteens, show increased vulnerability to the negative consequences of divorce, a phenomenon that may escalate further during their teenage years. Signs of struggle might include sleep difficulties and anxiety about leaving home. Consequently, the ages 6 to 12 are deemed critical for children experiencing parental separation, as they grapple with social comparisons and significant life changes.

Experts suggest maintaining strong relationships with both parents and employing effective parenting strategies can aid in mitigating the emotional fallout of divorce for children of all ages. Nonetheless, the 6 to 12 age range stands out as particularly pivotal, underscoring the complexity of understanding familial dynamics amid divorce and the inherent challenges involved in navigating this life transition. Providing support during this tumultuous period can significantly influence a child's emotional recovery and adjustment.


📹 Different ways CO-PARENTING with a NARCISSIST plays out

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …


Freya Gardon

Hi, I’m Freya Gardon, a Collaborative Family Lawyer with nearly a decade of experience at the Brisbane Family Law Centre. Over the years, I’ve embraced diverse roles—from lawyer and content writer to automation bot builder and legal product developer—all while maintaining a fresh and empathetic approach to family law. Currently in my final year of Psychology at the University of Wollongong, I’m excited to blend these skills to assist clients in innovative ways. I’m passionate about working with a team that thinks differently, and I bring that same creativity and sincerity to my blog about family law.

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25 comments

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  • I watched this thinking it was going to help me with coparenting with my ex and realized I’m also the toxic one because I project so much anger and resentment towards him for all the pain he caused me in our relationship and now he is the calm and collected one through coparenting, this really made me realize I need to let go of alot

  • It just seems so unfair that they get to abuse us when they want and we must just sit in silence. I do everything that was mentioned in this article and although it’s a few and far between I get verbal abuse at least every week for trying to co parent. It used to be daily. Soon as you set boundaries they go off on one. The minute you leave the door open their nowhere insight. They don’t care about the kids they just want validation, attention and control I’m fed up.

  • 5 years ago when my journey started… I NEEDED this. Lol but life and court showed me. When it comes to written communication, you MUST learn that it can be a weapon or a shield. Just in the past year the constant communication and drama has come to a grinding halt. Still have to keep in the back of the mind that this person will slit the throat at all costs. There is no olive branch, stick to whatever is in your paperwork, stay the course. Life has a funny way of helping you out- thank you Stephanie!

  • Great advice. Parallel parenting is the way forward with a toxic ex. Also working on your own need to control what happens when your child is with the other parent is a game changer. Boundaries are essential in this situation more than anything. Also putting things in writing for clarity and consistency.

  • I had to learn how to be a better version of myself. #1. I let go of my own anger for staying in a toxic relationship #2. I learned to forgive. #3. I learned how to be compassionate. #4. I set boundaries that allowed for a parallel friendship ❤️All steps were hard work & there were set backs. Consistency is the key & practicing that emotional muscle.

  • Excellent article!!!! My ex wife is like a rabid animal in her efforts to hurt me. Thank god my daughter has chosen to live with me full time but my 8 year old son still has to go every other weekend!!! Like you said she does nothing to benefit the children. Many of your articles has helped me over the last 4 years!! Thanks so much Mike from NC

  • Wow… I been through this and it was way worse then everything your saying. I wish I could have done it all alone all it did was damage my son mentally he knew he couldn’t hurt me so he used my son it’s very sad. My son is 16 punched him one time and broke his dads nose he finally left us alone thank God!

  • Obviously I’m here bc I’m in this kind of situation atm. What I don’t understand is how it is expected that someone who never “coparented” while being married (just paper)/living together has even the rights to coparent afterward. They say it’s for the children, but for the children’s sake it is best not to know this person. As well as not idealizing a father, but keep him away. He was abusive in all ways, physically, verbally, sexually, yet I have to cater to what the court says bc the times I tried to go to the police I had no way to prove it more than my words. He assaulted me and my father in front of my kids, still nobody listens to my children. He finally got his way last month and was allowed to take the children 2 days/week for some hours: he drives at 200km/h (around 125mph), he drinks while driving, he had the kids all day and they ate once in 10h, plus he doesn’t follow covid rules in our state. Can someone explain to me why I have to do any healing or try anything for my kids to be with a bad person? I finally was strong to kick him out for real after 13 years, but he’s never out. And also not in jail as he should be. He has a girlfriend and I actually thought “well, at least shell keep him in check with the kids”. Well, I thought wrong, she’s as toxic as he is, belittling me in front of my kids without knowing me (I never met her before) and being sassy, uploading pictures of my kids on her social media as telling me “ha, we got them”, etc. How can a sane person (if I still am) give away her 2 kids willingly to such couple?

  • I appreciate this article because I have been spiraling for a minute and it’s been hard for me to release the control of what’s going on or whoever my child would be exposed to and it really made me just want to go ahead and cut him out entirely since he has no legal custody but I realize that toxic and wouldn’t benefit my child in the long run. I will definitely follow that approach of we don’t communicate in a friendship manor just the normal requirements regarding the child so I no longer have to try to make something work emotionally with him and I don’t have to know about his personal life that other wise might upset me because the main purpose is just for my child to have a good relationship with both parents. He will definitely be doing everything on his own though because I at first wanted to help him and make this process as easy as possible and I realize I don’t have to assist a grown up who other wise would not assist me.

  • I am currently separated going through a divorce with two kids and I’m currently a SAHM. I’ve been with my soon to be ex husband for 13 years and he’s a big nasty narcissist. He WILL not be cordial and is constantly accusing me of cheating and tells me many times how he knows I’ve “moved on”. I never ever go out and all I do is stay home, he constantly goes out every few days and some nights he doesn’t even sleep at the house. I don’t confront him about these things anymore for a long time actually. I already know he will make this so difficult for me when I go back to work and get my own apartment for our kids and I. He already does on days I want to run a quick grocery store errand and don’t want to take the kids on that day, he accuses me of going to see someone else and tells me I need to learn how to take the kids. Let me just say that I always have my children. I take them everywhere I go and rarely have I ask him to watch the kids while I go grocery shopping. It’s been over 3+ that I’ve seen a friend and had dinner or have done anything for myself yet I’m the one that’s “wrong” all the time.

  • Hey there! As someone who’s been through the ups and downs of co-parenting, I know how challenging it can be to deal with a difficult ex. That’s why I highly recommend checking out this article on co-parenting with a difficult personality. It’s packed with helpful tips on common mistakes people make in these situations and how to avoid them. Whether you’re dealing with an ex who’s always stirring up drama or just plain difficult to work with, this article is a must-watch.

  • Ok so. I did the part where I looked at myself and saw where I was making the mistake in allowing what they other person was doing allow me to react in an explosive way but when I took it upon myself to constantly take on and fix their mistakes, it feels like its building resentment all over again and that is hard to manage with trying to be the consistent “new you” because even though it isnt going to happen overnight I feel like I have to constantly be in survival mode and then run to the best coping mechanism so it doesnt turn into anger. Its really difficult. Recently my coping mechanism has been running to my therapist or journaling. Maybe its some other things that I need to consider trying but that is very difficult for me right now.

  • This is soooo great! My toxic ex sent me a list of coparenting articles to try to make the case that we should be having more contact and stop using the court ordered coparenting app. Of course, none of the articles addressed how to deal when one party is a narcissist or BPD. Thanks for this article. It validates that I am on the right path. Learning how to set boundaries is tricky but consistency has definitely brought more peace over the past year.

  • Hey Stephanie when it comes to my personal issue with my co parenting I feel like he doesn’t say anything at all there is no sense of communication there’s a lot of avoidance and separation of his life and his child’s life he’s always too busy he never really isn’t there until he wants our daughter to go with him to an event or when he’s sending money for her I just feel stuck on what to do?

  • My ex has aggression problems, he is verbally abusive and loud. I have a problem with that. He never says anything normally, but shouts at you right away. Never takes responsibility and blamed things on me. I would love to go no contact but we have kids. At home a tyrant, outside an angel. He can switch personalities in a second.

  • I try to coparent with my sons father, but he picks & chooses when he’s actively there as a parent. Currently I see him trying more, but instead of fixing his car.. he wants to drive with us and get hotel rooms when we go on away sports events. I feel like that’s pushing a boundary.. any thoughts??? (Never married -12 yrs ago broke up.. so this is not a new thing) He is expecting me to drive him and let him come with like he & I ara still a couple…

  • Hi Stephanie, our journey has been quite similar in that my ex was having an affair late into our pregnancy. I found out when my daughter was 10weeks old. She is now 18months. I have raised her alone without my family to help (pandemic). My question is around coparenting with the exes new partner. In my case she was the one he had an affair with. It’s very hard to give that a blank slate. I struggle with strong feelings of hatred and pain because she is a woman who knowingly did this. Knowing I was pregnant, knowing I have done all the work alone. But she is in my child’s life. I already know I have to manage this without my daughter being exposed to it. But how on earth do I find the strength to do it? To let go of all my feelings, forgive, survive, not care…

  • I need some help; I have been coparenting with a narcissist for almost 5years. When we went to mediation, we agreed to use the app called App close to communicate. We later down the road decided to not use the app for about 3 years and now he is trying to force me to use it because he got mad, I wouldn’t do what he wanted me to do. So, the question is do I have to use the app even though for 3years we have not used it?

  • I have 2 beautiful children. Love them to pieces. Co parenting with their father has made me suicidal at this point. The lies, gaslighting. The attacks. The courtcase he drags me into. I can’t take it anymore. I have ptss now. He wants custody now. I know I can’t handle this any longer. What did I do to deserve such treatment. I was only good to him. I will never understand. I chose the wrong men.. and now my children suffer. He gaslights them too. They’d psychiatrist sees it all. But still.. he can do what he wants. I’m tired y’all I told my own psychiatrist today I’m tired. I feel trapped.. it’s all so unfair. I feel alone. He can abuse me until they are a adult. I can’t handle that thought. I’m a believer.. I don’t understand why God let it happen

  • This article is not realistic when dealing with a toxic parent. Wishful thinking. Toxic people are usually abusive and will keep abusing unless they seek help, which isn’t likely. We’re supposed to suck it up and be the bigger person? Sometimes cutting the other parent off is best for the child and yourself. Sometimes cutting the other person off is being the bigger person. I am sorry for anyone feeling guilty into keeping contact with their abuser bc you have children together.

  • Thank you Stephanie your articles are so helpful. I am going to look into your discounts for your classes . If this message reaches you I have a question. My ex and I have a daughter together and she’s 2 and I have a daughter from a previous relationship and she’s 5 . My 5 year old thinks my ex is her real dad, we got together when she was only 2 . My ex treats the kids different in a way that is hurting my 5 year old and I can see that she is getting confused. I know it’s normal for someone to love their biological child differently but for the last year his attitude towards our 5 year has changed. He is always upset with her and makes her feel bad if she’s not wanting to spend time with her sister . They both can’t act like kids when he’s around, in my opinion. We argue all the time about this and it has been awful not knowing what to do to help him see how kind and sweet these kids are and to each other. Of course they argue and fight about stuff but it’s usually when my 5 year old wants to sit down and play with her special stuff and my 2 year old will just go over and mess up her game she’s playing, like 2 year olds do ! He gets so offended and thinks the 2 year old is always being mistreated and I don’t do anything about it, blah blah blah which is so ridiculous . I make sure we treat each other with love and kindness we share our stuff but again they are kids !! And they are learning. Any advice would be very helpful on what to say and how to handle this awful behavior coming from him towards our 5 year old .

  • Dealing with a covert narc ex with the power of the Courts & CPS behind her.Excuses all the time why I can’t see my kids or text them.I lose everytime! I have to go through the months between court dates etc. just to keep pushing forward to get all this behind me so that I can eventually get my 50/50! Its criminal but I’m strong enough to keep being the “bad guy”.fml

  • Going through a divorce with a 17 month old son. Up until now, husband and I have agreed not to bring him to his parent’s house due to the smoking that goes on there. Now, husband is saying it’s fine and he will be going over there. It’s a health risk. What can I do? This is not something I feel I should just “accept” and not control.

  • For the safety of my children and me I do without them. So my mother and the mother of my children can the children not use any more as a weapon against me. As my supervisor said: The children were true off against me. I refused and broke up contact with my children. Before I was under Stockholm Syndrom

  • Hey there! As someone who’s been through the ups and downs of co-parenting, I know how challenging it can be to deal with a difficult ex. That’s why I highly recommend checking out this article on co-parenting with a difficult personality. It’s packed with helpful tips on common mistakes people make in these situations and how to avoid them. Whether you’re dealing with an ex who’s always stirring up drama or just plain difficult to work with, this article is a must-watch

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