Dissociation is a mental process that involves disconnecting from one’s thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. It is a normal process that everyone experiences, and it can be a response to trauma or a response to stress. Dissociation has been linked as a subconscious protective factor in coping with trauma, and while certain groups of people react to various types of traumas differently, most studies have examined the occurrence of dissociative.
In this editorial, an approach to dissociative phenomena, including trance, possession, and spiritual and healing practices, that integrates neuropsychological notions of dissociation is presented. Dissociation involves cognitive disconnections between thoughts, memories, and actions, which can affect one’s sense of identity and alter societal norms. Families function as agents of cultural transmission, and different sociological theories explain the family’s role in either maintaining or challenging societal norms.
Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. Dissociative disorders (DDs) constitute a culture-sensitive domain of psychiatry and are marked by involuntary escape from reality and a disconnect between thoughts, identity, consciousness, and memory. Dissociation is a defense mechanism in which conflicting impulses are kept apart or threatening ideas and feelings are separated from the rest of the psyche.
In conclusion, dissociation is a mental process that involves disconnecting from one’s thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. It can occur during a single-incident, multiple-incident, or as a response to trauma. Understanding the difference between dissociation and disassociation can help individuals better cope with stress and maintain a healthy sense of self and environment.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| Dissociation Across Cultures: A Transdiagnostic Guide for … | by V Şar · 2022 · Cited by 16 — Closely related to experiences of stress and polysymptomatic character, dissociative disorders (DDs) constitute a culture-sensitive domain of psychiatry. | pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov |
| Full article: Culture, trauma and dissociation: A broadening … | by C Krüger · 2020 · Cited by 49 — In this editorial, I provide a limited overview of various ways in which cultural influences have been addressed in the field of trauma and dissociation. | tandfonline.com |
| What is dissociation? | Dissociation is one way the mind copes with too much stress, such as during a traumatic event. There are also common, everyday experiences of dissociation that … | mind.org.uk |
📹 5 Signs of Dissociation
Today we are going to talk about the 5 signs of dissociation because it’s more common than most people think. Research shows …
What Are The Four Stages Of Dissociation?
Dissociative disorders encompass four primary types: Dissociative Amnesia, Dissociative Fugue, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), and Depersonalization Disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2000; Frey, 2001; Spiegel and Cardeña, 1991). These disorders often manifest as a coping mechanism during stress, allowing individuals to detach from overwhelming experiences. Dissociation disrupts the standard integration of thoughts, emotions, and identities, as defined by the DSM-5-TR.
Symptoms can vary in severity, ranging from mild everyday experiences, like daydreaming, to severe conditions that impair emotional regulation and memory. The five identified types of dissociation include depersonalization, derealization, amnesia, identity confusion, and identity alteration. Common everyday dissociation reflects the brain's response to trauma and stress, acting as a self-protection mechanism. In therapy, recognizing these symptoms is pivotal to self-discovery and healing.
Individuals may experience localized amnesia, failing to recall traumatic events entirely. Understanding these disorders is essential for identifying when professional help is required, particularly if suicidal thoughts arise. Ultimately, dissociation is a profound response that warrants understanding, intervention, and the possible path to a more fulfilling life.
How To Tell If Someone Is Dissociating?
Common signs to observe in yourself or loved ones include rapid mood swings, forgetfulness, changes in behavior, depression, anxiety, and thoughts of self-harm or suicide. After traumatic events, mild symptoms of dissociation may arise, such as feeling that what happened wasn’t real. These feelings usually fade within a few days, allowing for processing of the event. Recognizing dissociation is crucial; you may notice signs like lightheadedness, staring into space, and a disconnection from reality.
Each person's experience with dissociation can differ, but it often reflects a departure from reality or emotional detachment. Symptoms can include feeling numb, spaced out, or disconnected from thoughts and surroundings. It’s vital to seek help if dissociation disrupts daily life. While it might be hard to tell if someone is dissociating, checking in with them gently can provide support. Conversely, clients might appear frightened, disengaged, or "spacey" during such episodes.
Individuals may experience memory loss related to specific events, emotional numbness, and an altered perception of reality, potentially leading to an out-of-body experience. Understanding these symptoms is key to aiding those who dissociate and promoting awareness about mental health issues like PTSD.
What Is Greyout Amnesia?
The most prevalent form of amnesia is referred to as a "fragmentary blackout," characterized by sporadic memories intertwined with gaps in awareness, sometimes called grayouts or brownouts. Emotional amnesia, occurring in dissociative disorders like OSDD and DID, involves a disconnection from emotions associated with memories rather than forgetting them altogether. A "greyout" describes a general awareness of events without detail recall. Emotional amnesia is not officially recognized in DSM criteria but remains a common symptom linked to trauma and dissociative disorders.
Partial amnesia between alters is symptomatic of dissociative identity disorder, although awareness among alters can vary. Dissociative amnesia is defined as memory loss triggered by trauma, resulting in forgotten personal information, often involving distressing experiences. Greyouts signify partial memory loss—retaining fragments of events without full recollection. The term can also illustrate occasional dissociative memory disconnection within mental health frameworks.
Generally, dissociative amnesia refers to a significant inability to remember crucial personal experiences due to stress or trauma, also encompassing conditions like transient global amnesia and alcohol-related blackouts, highlighting memory gaps during intoxication. Such obscured recollection reflects memory-processing challenges inherent in dissociative states.
How Do People With Dissociation Act?
Dissociative disorders manifest through various symptoms, varying by type, including feelings of detachment from oneself and emotions, perceptions of distorted reality, and an unclear sense of identity. This phenomenon occurs when the mind isolates certain thoughts, feelings, or memories as a defense mechanism against distress. Dissociation can serve as a temporary escape from overwhelming stimuli, affecting around 73% of those who have experienced trauma.
It disrupts how one processes information, leading to disconnection from thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. Dissociative experiences may resemble daydreaming or intense focus, alongside distressing detachment from reality. Individuals might feel outside their bodies, struggle with memory gaps, or switch between personalities. Those with dissociative identity disorder may observe their actions and speech from a distance. Dissociative disorders can impact various mental functions, including consciousness, identity, and emotions, with symptoms sometimes resembling seizures.
Understanding the intricacies of dissociation is crucial, particularly in trauma recovery. Access to professional treatment and support is vital, alongside self-help strategies. Overall, dissociation reflects a complex mental process that necessitates awareness and care.
What Are The Cultural Causes Of Dissociation?
Cultural trauma, stemming from events like genocide or natural disasters, significantly impacts entire communities, often resulting in dissociative symptoms. Acculturation stress, arising from the challenges of adapting to new cultures, can similarly lead to feelings of disconnection and dissociation. Many studies have explored the prevalence of dissociative disorders across different cultural and clinical populations, as well as normative dissociation in non-clinical contexts.
Neurophysiological patterns related to dissociation emerge from intricate interactions between trauma and socio-cultural factors. While organic mental disorders may be less influenced by culture, dissociative disorders are critically informed by cultural contexts. Cultural practices such as trance states or spiritual rituals can evoke dissociative experiences, highlighting cultural acceptance of dissociation as a coping mechanism. Furthermore, cultural expectations can discourage emotional expression, promoting dissociation from feelings.
This overview underscores the importance of culture-sensitive psychiatry in understanding dissociation and its classification across different contexts, thus addressing trauma's complex role within cultural frameworks.
What Are Two Normal Ways People Experience A Dissociation?
Dissociative symptoms include feelings of detachment from one's body and memory loss or amnesia. These disorders often relate to past trauma. Dissociation can occur during boredom or stress, manifesting as the sensation of observing oneself from outside the body. Common examples include highway hypnosis and becoming absorbed in movies. This state signifies a disconnection from one’s self and surroundings, marked by experiences like depersonalization and derealization.
Dissociation serves as a coping mechanism, enabling individuals to escape overwhelming stimuli linked to trauma, affecting emotions, memory, identity, and behavior. Symptoms can manifest in various ways, such as zoning out, trouble concentrating, memory issues, and feeling emotionally numb. It might resemble daydreaming or intense focus.
The DSM-5 classifies dissociation as disruptions in consciousness, memory, or identity. Everyday occurrences, like losing awareness while reading or driving without recollection of the journey, exemplify normal dissociation. There are five types: depersonalization, derealization, amnesia, identity confusion, and identity alteration. Individuals with dissociative disorders often have histories of abuse and may feel detached from reality or their own body. Understanding these complex symptoms is crucial for effective trauma recovery and managing dissociative experiences.
What Childhood Trauma Causes Dissociation?
Dissociative experiences are more frequently observed in children than in adults, often learned unconsciously as a protective mechanism during distress, abuse, or neglect. Dissociation involves a disconnection from oneself and can manifest as dissociative amnesia, where individuals struggle to recall traumatic events or aspects of their identity. This coping mechanism occurs when the brain compartmentalizes experiences, particularly in children exposed to complex trauma, who are at a heightened risk for developing dissociative disorders.
Dissociation aims to protect individuals from overwhelming experiences; however, it may lead to challenges in processing trauma. Conditions like dissociative identity disorder (DID) are frequently associated with chronic, prolonged childhood trauma. Studies suggest a strong correlation between dissociative symptoms and early life trauma, significantly impacting a child's perception of reality.
The theory of betrayal trauma posits that dissociative amnesia serves as an adaptive response, enabling a child to survive unresolvable traumatic experiences. Many disorders develop in children due to long-term physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. Trauma responses, including dissociative states, often stem from various traumatic events like assault, natural disasters, or military combat. Understanding the relationship between childhood trauma and dissociation is crucial for recognizing the complexities of these disorders, primarily rooted in early adverse experiences rather than those encountered in adulthood. Ultimately, trauma disrupts attachment and can distort reality, leading to dissociative behaviors as a form of emotional survival.
What Are The Four Types Of OSDD?
OSDD (Other Specified Dissociative Disorder) is a mental health condition categorized in DSM-5 (2013) characterized by chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms, identity disturbances due to intense coercive persuasion, acute reactions to stress, and dissociative trance experiences. It serves as a "catch-all" diagnosis for presentations that are dissociative but do not fulfill the criteria for other dissociative disorders. There are four notable forms of OSDD, with OSDD-1 being the most prevalent and akin to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
OSDD-1 arises from severe childhood trauma, leading to multiple identities or alternate states. The presentations listed in the DSM-5 illustrate varying degrees of dissociative symptoms, including less distinct alter identities and amnesic barriers. The condition encapsulates diverse dissociative experiences, including dissociative amnesia and depersonalization/derealization, without adhering strictly to traditional diagnostic parameters.
The definition of OSDD allows for flexibility in diagnosis, acknowledging the complexity of dissociative experiences not adequately covered by established classifications. Overall, OSDD emphasizes the spectrum of dissociative symptoms manifesting across different individuals.
What Is The Difference Between Dissociation And OSDD?
Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) is a mental health diagnosis characterized by pathological dissociation that meets DSM-5 criteria but does not fulfill full criteria for specific dissociative subtypes, such as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Dissociative Amnesia. According to Van der Hart et al.'s model, DID represents tertiary dissociation with multiple apparently normal parts (ANPs) and extreme parts (EPs), while OSDD displays secondary dissociation with one ANP and various EPs.
Although OSDD is often seen as less severe, it is frequently diagnosed, making it one of the most common dissociative disorders. OSDD-1, the subtype most akin to DID, applies to those exhibiting similar symptoms without meeting DID diagnostic thresholds. The primary distinction between DID and OSDD lies in the severity and nature of dissociative experiences; individuals with OSDD may experience dissociation and identity fragmentation but typically have greater awareness and less pronounced amnesia.
OSDD encompasses symptoms including dissociation, amnesia, and identity disturbances, paralleling DID while presenting in a less impactful manner. Established in the DSM-5, OSDD is a comprehensive diagnosis capturing various dissociative symptom clusters that do not fit neatly into existing categories.
How Does Culture Affect Personality Disorders?
La cultura colectivista o familiar puede impedir que los individuos exhiban comportamientos impulsivos y suicidas típicos del trastorno límite de la personalidad (TLP). Esto puede llevar a diagnósticos erróneos o no diagnósticos si no se considera el contexto cultural del paciente. El diagnóstico de los trastornos de personalidad depende de la visión societal de ciertos comportamientos, y las dimensiones culturales incluyen el concepto de uno mismo, la adaptación y el contexto social.
Las diferencias culturales en la prevalencia de TLP están influenciadas por factores como la raza, la etnicidad y el individualismo-colectivismo. La cultura afecta la esperanza, la autoestima, las relaciones sociales y la adherencia al tratamiento. Además, la cultura actúa como herramienta interpretativa y como un agente patogénico en la patología de la personalidad. La definición de un "rasgo normal" también depende de estas variables culturales.
Este trabajo destaca cómo los factores ambientales y socioculturales influyen en el desarrollo y mantenimiento de los trastornos de personalidad. En resumen, la cultura configura nuestra psicología, afectando la manera de expresar pensamientos y emociones, lo que resulta en diferencias culturales en la manifestación y tratamiento de problemas emocionales y de salud mental.
📹 What DISSOCIATION Really Is! Have YOU experienced this? Let me know below.
PARTNERSHIP Linnea Toney [email protected] PLEASE READ If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, …
I have entire chunks of my life gone. I will suddenly become aware that I am somewhere I don’t recognize speaking to people I don’t know. I will be told I love foods that I hate. I will be told I’m close friends with people I have never met. This has been happening as long as I can remember. It’s frightening.
For me, dissociation looks similar to sleeping with my eyes open. When I’m too anxious to talk, I just retreat into my imagination, and there’s a sudden shock when I snap out of it. I tend to freeze like a statue and do a sort of thousand yard stare. I still do basic functions like blink and breathe, but it feels like I slip into a different reality.
Dissociation for me feels like I’m dreaming, and I just can’t keep myself grounded in the present. No matter how much I tell myself that what I’m living is real, it’s still looks so hazy. And the worst thing is that it came to a point where I’m comfortable with dissociating, though I know it’s something I want to stop. I want to feel alive.
I know it sounds weird but I actually remember dissociating many many times as a child when I was being abused. Just completely clocking out into another place in my mind where things felt unreal and distance then sounds and thoughts and feelings felt so distant. Not only that but I would experience hallucinations such as perusal my mother’s head shrink as she was screaming in my face and then that along with the dissociation it didn’t affect me anymore. I did this a lot as a kid. I honestly thought I had a super power because of this when I was a kid to “be able to change my reality” when as an adult now I realise I was just HEAVILY dissociating.
There is literally not a day that goes by where I don’t feel depersonalized/derealised. I almost always feel like I’m in a dream or like I’m mentally floating, if that makes sense. Lightheadedness is common and feeling like I’m perusal myself do things or like I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. In fact when you said that 50% of people have at least one dissociative episode I immediately thought, “Lucky. Some people get to have just one.” I rarely even know what it feels like to not be dissociated. I don’t even remember what I did two days ago. What do normal people feel like
My biggest signs of dissociating are spacing out and running on autopilot. It feels like my mind is running two programs at the same time, the present moment as well as the emotional flashbacks. When it happens, I say out loud that Im spacing out but Im aware of whats going on. I talk through what Im thinking and this talking grounds me in my body again.
As someone who lives with a chronic illness, I teach clients with similar diagnoses how to intentionally spend some time during the day, every day, embodied and present to the here and now. Dissociation helps those of us who live with chronic pain and other difficult symptoms to get through the day. But if you stay dissociated, you lose a sense of who you are and what you need. Thanks so much for this breakdown of dissociation, Kati!
What about eyes going out of focus? Spontaneously “blurring out” has happened all my life, and I’ve only recently noticed that it happens when I’m thinking about something stressful. It feels “comfortable” in such a way that I don’t want to pull myself out of it (but I can if I will it) and it’s kind of emotionally numbing, and I can actually function pretty normally during these episodes (unless the task requires a lot of focus). Sometimes I do it intentionally when I’m in public to take myself out of my social anxiety.
Does anyone else get really afraid of their body/ having a body when they disassociate? I sometimes get overwhelmingly squeamish and distressed about having a body when i’m disassociating and I so desperately wish I was a wall or a tree. I also just wanted to say thanks for your articles. They help me a lot.
This made me want to cry. I constantly struggle with memory issues, feeling light headed, not knowing what I did or things that happened. There’s been a number of times when someone will bring up an event that I was in and I have no recollection of that at all. There is even a photo that was put up at work, of a celebration, with me in it, that I had absolutely no memory of and could not tell you anything that happened, where it was, or what it was about. I have to constantly write things down throughout the day. I can never tell the difference between anxiety, stress, depression, or dissociation. It has physical symptoms though. Chest pain, digestion issues, migraines, even an auditory rumbling when people talk that nobody has been able to tell me what that is. It’s hard to stop and happens, seemingly, randomly. I’ve made progress. I can start to actually feel some emotions that I used to just act that I felt, when I concentrate on it. But I don’t know if therapy is helping anymore. I don’t know how to stop these automatic reactions. It’s hard to live like this.
Then I DEFINITELY dissociated before, besides while on THC. I was working at a dog rescue and a dog fatally attacked another. I managed to stay present and do the cleanup, but after that I told my manager that I needed to go home. I started dissociating on the drive home and came to in a neighborhood off the freeway. Thankfully, I knew the area and had my family pick me and my car up. Which confused them, but it was definitely the safest move.
I’ve had anxiety and depression for years and this has been one of the weirdest symptoms. I remember the first time it happened to me. It was similar to the feeling you feel when you look down from a tall building or balcony. Like a huge whoosh of dizziness and horrible feelings that makes what you are and what see/feel unreal. It was like I couldn’t believe what I was seeing like the image from my eyes was so foreign and new as if I just popped into existence and didn’t know who I was yet. I’ve never had mushrooms but the way people talk about losing the ego or sense of self on mushrooms sounds so familiar to me.
I’ve had very bad depersonalization and derealization for years. The two go hand in hand, and I have suffered from it every single day, since the age of 15. EVERY DAY, 90% of the day. I am now 31. I’ve learned to live peacefully with it. I’ve gotten so accustomed to it, it’s now more stressful for me NOT to be dissociated. It’s okay. I’ve come to accept it’s just a part of who I am. I’m an artist, and I’ve learned how to use it to help my artistic expression in a positive way. It does hinder me socially. I’m not here to tell you NOT to pursue treatment, if you’re like me. But I am here to tell you that, if you have it severely, and can only make minimal improvement, it’s OKAY. It’s okay. It’s just a matter of learning how to use it to your advantage 🙂 Don’t worry. Nothing is wrong with you. Sometimes, acceptance of our imperfections MAKES us perfect in the end. Whoever you are, suffering from this, I love you. And I’m with you.
….This explains so much…. I…. I never realized I actually was dissociating at all when it happened or when I finally came to my senses afterwards…. turns out my mood episodes or triggers of other things in life have caused me to do this numerous times without realizing it….Thank you for putting into words what I could not…. I need to talk to my therapist about this in my next session this upcoming week! >.<
This article nearly confirmed to me that I’m probably dissociating during therapy. I hardly ever remember it and when I do only the easy bits. And often when I walk out the building, it’s the moment my emotions hit me. I did wonder if the bad memory could be dissociation but this article made that thought a lot stronger. Thank you for giving me the info that helped me realise!
1:08 “for a minute or so” … I feel like I’ve been HEAVILY DISSOCIATED my entire life. Memories, the foggy ones that I can actually kinda recall feel more like recalling a dream than a memory. It’s depressing really. I am in this constant state of not remembering anything, not forming memory and not knowing who exactly I am.
dissociation is one hell of a protective technique. It’s amazing as a way to get me through really tough and stressful times, but when it happens for long periods of times, or when nothing awful is happening, it can really suck. Dissociation got me through high school and was a thick skin between me and an emotionally abusive music teacher. But I’ve lost several years to it, even the good times.
I’ve been in a chronic state of dissociation for 33 years. In the beginning it was so scary as it came and went. Now i’m used to it and it’s at least better. No doctor understood my problem when I finally dared to speak about it. I have many times thought I was going crazy. I understood it was my minds way to cope. When I finally read about it everything clicked. Very strange when professionals don’t know about it. In my case it happened after sexual trauma. I didn’t tell people so didn’t get help. So if this resonates with you – please seek help🙏❤
It’s so interesting what you say about loss of identity, I never hear about that as part of dissociation before, but I can relate to that a lot, and would like to know more about it. I’ve experienced that both alone and along with feeling outside of my body (getting all clumsy) and not feeling anything. Self harm has always been the most effective way to keep myself tethered in those situations, like a hand to hold on to, because I can actually feel it – not always so much when I do it, but afterwards.
I once sat 8:24 for a final exam in college that required long written answers. I was very fatigued, and I became very jittery and nervous when I saw the exam to the point where I felt like I couldn’t even control my hand. I also became unable to understand the questions, and I would read them over and over. So I just kept writing, knowing that I had written a bunch of gibberish and went home very depressed afterwards. at the next class session, the professor asked for me by name, and I fully expected her to say that they would hook me up with the campus psychiatrist. But oddly enough, I had the highest paper in the class and set the curve. I do not remember any questions or what I wrote, and that was very unnerving to me. I guess that’s some kind a dissociative episode right there
Its kind of comforting seeing this article pop up in my feed now that I am off medication and working slowly to unmask and live authentically as an autistic individual. I’ve known for a few years dissociation was what I was doing and paying attention to it as a sign that I’ve reached my limits and using that as a guide for how to better fine tune my life and accept where my actual limits are. As I work through it though, and work with my psychologist/therapist, I find it comforting, not concerning. And the loss of identity has helped me a lot in self discovery and finding who I really am.
As a kid I used to say to my mom “I feel like I’m not here”. It scared me a lot but of course she had no idea what was going on to be able to help me. It happened all the time and still does. I feel like I’m seeing the world through tunnel vision and when it starts I push myself to act like a normal person and fake it ’til I make it. I try to just act like it will go away and eventually it does. It’s so hard to describe! Could this be dissociation?
I’ve had this so many times recently and it helps SO much to understand what it is! I’d feel like a senseless monster during arguments when I started to not feel emotions. I was scared I was heartless when in fact the argument was so hurtful my brain was trying to save me. It’s odd having a motherly brain in a society that may view it otherwise. We must love ourselves. Thanks Kati! ❤️
I spent 2 years of my life dissociating. I was being bullied and s*xually harassed pretty bad. I started doing poorly in school so my parents and teachers would yell at me, causing me to shut down even further. I experienced a lot of loss too. I honestly didn’t even feel real. The parts I can remember are also weird, the best way I can describe it is monochrome. I’m better now though, I still dissociate sometimes but it’s not as bad now. I’m glad I can enjoy color again
4:55 is really relatable. Me and my stepdad was picking up my little sister from school, and earlier that day I had a depressive episode when I was alone at home. So when we got at the school, she went in the car and she slammed the door really hard on my fingers, but I didn’t scream, cry or even figit. I literally had no physical pain, I only laughed, and no one even knew that that happened only when I said something, they were really shocked that I didn’t scream in pain. It was Kinda a good thing that I was dissociative at that moment, and also my fingers didn’t even break.
Katie. I’ve been going through postpartum depression and compounded trauma from a year abs a half of horrible events. I JUST realized this weekend that I spend almost half the day in dissociation. I realized yesterday I kept saying “I don’t feel real”. I feel numbed out and like I’ve been inside of my thoughts for so long that I feel like I’ve been in another world until about 4pm. I spend almost 12 hours a day along with my 2 year old while pregnant and I noticed it’s hard to get out of the house bc I feel so dizzy and spaced out that I’m afraid to drive bc I feel so sleepy alllll day. I want to thank you for making these articles. I never realized I also have maladaptive daydreaming due to being in isolation for the past 6 months due to pregnancy complications. Now I can actually catch myself doing it so I can actually feel present in my day. 🙏🙏🙏
I dissociate quite often which goes with my diagnosed depression & anxiety and have for years. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, but most of the time it’s just something I’m used to and actually even welcome it really. It’s a buffer for my actual mental issues to me and helps me through a lot. I know it is frowned upon to use heavy psychoactives with mental illness but sometimes I even use a class of drug called dissociative hallucinogenics to really dive into this state of being/non-being when I am utterly at my ropes end. I call it a Great Reset.
I’ve never seen anyone like you who can hit the nail on the head with 100% accuracy and I have reached out for the help with Dr’s and therapist who after a couple of appointments and no warning drop me or cancel any future sessions and so with that said I am at the point of lonely and lonesome actions or reactions that I don’t know whether I’m coming or going or even worse going through the motion of minute by minute life
One great way to help prevent disassociation is to practice body awareness. I teach Yin yoga and one of the main focuses of the practice is body awareness; tuning into the sensations of being in your body, notice sensations of pain, comfort, tension, etc. Doing this practice regularly can prevent disassociation by strengthening and nurturing our relationship with our physical body. ❤️
for me personally something i’ve found that really helps get me back into reality is anything sour. i can’t stand it well and it’s like it awakens all my senses. i have a little box full of super sour candy at home at all times and take some with me usually so if i notice i’m dissociating and i want it to stop i can eat one and it really can do wonders!
Loss of self- identity was a major problem I couldn’t deal with for most of my life. It began in childhood . I had no dad around from the time I was three, couldn’t understand things that happened to me and my family, which is true of most kids. But I could never understand my mother. And as I discovered years later, it was because she had a persona that she created for herself to relate socially. You can’t know a person through a false persona. Then I began to follow that and was searching for my own persona. I began fantasizing about reality and the world. I looked at things from a warped perspective. People would tell that I was hard to know, and I had no idea what they meant. To me it became an enigma that I could not understand. I couldn’t know my true self or others, and others could not know me. I became despondent and resigned as well as depressed . I was not able to have normal relationships. But I never knew why. It’s a dreadful way to live, always trying to overcome a negative self-image, or, no self – image, by compensating for myself and looking for roll models to create a persona that could give me self-confidence. The mass of confusion makes life harder and lonelier. The answer I found was from a Native American teaching. You have to find your center, your true self, your heart, and then never let anything draw you off of it. They call this your shadow self . This is your identity. It’s like finding the eye of the storm- in the center there is peace and the storm is all around you; instead of being in turmoil and confusion, which is the storm in our heart that won’t let us rest.
I binge when I dissociate. I try my hardest to eat healthy and in moderation. When I dissociate, everything flies out the window and I gorge myself. I feel like I’m just perusal myself eat and I’m screaming internally, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Lost 100 lbs, gained it back, lost another 100 and gained back another 20 since December 2019.
I remember when I was at the grocery store with my Mom and my little sister, and my mom told me to get something and come back to the cart. So I did and when I came back, I questioned whether I went to a stranger’s cart, or my mom was a stranger. I was like standing there not recognizing my mom and my little sister for some reason, after that happened I zoned back in and finally realized I was at my mom’s cart, so for that moment I questioned my sanity.
Honestly the first thing that came to mind was all the times that I’ve been doing something in the present and have a flashback of a time when something similar happened in the past. I would get so wrapped up in the memory of it that I would end up spacing out and forgetting completely that there was a person just talking to me a second ago.
I can’t tell if I’m dissociating or not. Whenever I simply think of dissociating, I start to feel fake and my vision shifts like I feel I’m staring at a picture. It seems to happen when I just think about it. I think my harsher episodes are dissociation, but what do I call my milder episodes where I simply feel disconnected from my surroundings? Sometimes feeling disconnected from my surroundings is scary, yet I just learned to ignore it.
I didnt know that’s what it was called, the things ive dealt with my entire life. Have been severely abused my whole life and have close to no memory from before I was 18. And the experiences I was having match up with dissociating explained here! My therapists have never told me that was the word it’s called! Thank you for this article!
There have been times when I’d experience what I thought was hypostatic tension but this wasn’t your typical lightheadedness. I saw white, felt like I could faint, and legitimately felt like I was being sucked out of existence by some mysterious force. It was like I truly didn’t exist. So many horrible symptoms of dissociation…
Been having intense dissociation since coming out of a friendship with a narcissist and being stuck at home with my abusive father and just being a general toxic household because of quarantine. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I hope everyone dealing with it is making their way towards healing <3
I experienced dissociation for several months when I was in high school, I could see through other peoples eyesight and imagine looking at things through their eyes. Looking back it feels like a super power but going through it was a nightmare, from blurry vision and racing thoughts to floating above myself while I laid on the couch for weeks straight. It eventually went away and I’ve forgotten that feeling. I’m glad I forget it because it probably won’t come back then.
My mom died last January of cancer. She had stage 4 for 6 years and fought until she couldn’t anymore. I was very close to her. The night before she died I watched her suffer for hours; the PTSD from that night uprooted my entire identity of who I thought I was and I’ve started dissociating at random during my day because my emotions are so high and unmanageable. It’s like I’m perusal myself do things but I can’t hear what I’m saying (like I’m muted) and can’t feel anything. I sometimes watch myself drive home with no recollection of even looking out of my windshield. I have my first therapy session scheduled for next Thursday. I’m VERY scared but hopeful. Thank you Kati for your insight, information and compassion.
After perusal articles on dissociation I realized that what I go through when I’m in labour is dissociation, it really has helped me to cope with the pain of labour. I think it’s a miracle, its a gift from God to help us cope with traumatic situations. When its happening its as if my body is left to feel the pain but my mind in pulled back, praying and perusal the situation. When the baby is delivered my mind feels like it rejoins my body and feels together again if that makes sense. Its happened without all my labour’s. I thank God for it otherwise I probably would have died from the pain.
I’ve just understood that while spending my last days in Russia this autumn, before I left the country, I was often dissociating. It was, and still is, extremely difficult to process what’s going on. Some days I woke up not remembering how i spent some previous days and some parts of those days. I talked to my psychotherapist about feeling of like i was going to fall down. And I didn’t understand and still sometimes do not understand completely of who I am and what is the sense of many things in my life and in the world on the whole.
I just turned 61. When I was 27 I more or less crash landed in a mental hospital, disassociation was just 1 of several diagnoses. I had all the symptoms you mentioned it also massive headaches from the switching. Well, in a disassociated state, I had a root canal with no anesthetic. I could also self manage my blood pressure. Parlor tricks, they do nothing to fix the problem. At this point in my life, I very rarely get triggered to the point of disassociation, but I do wonder about people who go into deep meditation. I’m not going there. I’ve been stuck before. I don’t want to get stuck again. If you have warnings that you are possibly going to disassociate try to focus your attention on some thing in your immediate environment. The color of the walls, your shoes, a sound, this helps to hold you in the here and now
1) Yep had memory loss many times. I’ve driven home after work and didn’t know how I got there. I’ve also forgotten how to drive whilst driving. That was only a second, but it was scary 2) never had that 3) I have had it, but not with any symptoms 4) don’t think I’ve had that. Something has happened in the past where I should have felt emotional pain, but didn’t at the time. For example my great nan passed away and I felt nothing, until the day of her funeral and then felt it a lot! Think I’d just held it in as I had work related things to do and didn’t have time t feel.
I didn’t even think it was my case until you mentioned the self-harm episodes, I spent my whole adolescence doing it and sometimes I didn’t even remember, I’d come to days later with scars. I think dissociation was, pretty much, my life until I got to my 20s, I don’t remember most of it. Thank you Katie, you’re wonderful.
I’m 36 and just realizing why I’ve been the way that I am for the last 10+ years on and off. I finally realized that because of this, therapy never worked for me. Now, I make therapy work for me on purpose and it’s been wildly helpful beyond my own comprehension. Thank you for helping me learn about myself, Kati, and also for helping me know what I need to do and talk about in therapy.
I started dissociating sometime over the summer. It kinda started out with memory loss and my dreams seemed a very vivid while everything in real life seemed kinda unfamiliar and unreal in a way. My friend would often make jokes about me having the memory of an old man with dementia. Later she suggested that it was dissociations. Later on as school started and other things happened it got worse. Everything seemed almost 2d and colorless. Sometimes things seemed blurry in a weird way like a glitch in the matrix. All sounds around me sounded far away and muffled like my head was in a box. I couldn’t feel anything which was really weird. I could feel but the pain felt really weird. I would pinch myself and it would feel like the pain was far away. Like I felt the pain of another person near me. Everything is kinda hard to explain for me. It’s honestly a really weird feeling. Recently I went to the doctor to eliminate the possibility of it being something damaged in my brain but both me and the doctor concluded that was not the case. It is most likely caused by trauma or anxiety. Usually intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and loud noises trigger it for me. That is my experience.
Excellent explanation-concise. Having heard this, I recognize a few events through the years that were just chalked up to zoning out. Whether in adolescences, teen years, and ongoing adulthood, but the most recent, was all of the symptoms all at once, with no explanation but the circumstance I was in (no strenuous activity, etc). I removed myself from the situation until I re-clarified.
My daughter was 10 when she started dissociating, even though I have panic disorder it terrified me because it never dawned on me that a 10yr old could start experiencing this. She is now 15 and just starting her journey learning about herself and working with doctors. The more I learn about this though, the more I don’t understand the differences between Panic Disorder and Dissociation because to me, it sounds like more of a form of Panic disorder rather than a separate diagnosis.
Years ago I’d had many stressful days at work, feeling I was the sole provider for my family. I was depressed and so anxious all the time. Some days I would get about a mile from my house and turn the car around and go back home and call in. Well, this one day, and I don’t remember when it started, all of a sudden I had driven halfway home and had no memory of it. I was at an intersection and all of a sudden I realized I had driven all that way and didn’t feel like I had experienced it. I filed for disability two days later. I wasn’t going to let that job kill me no matter what! I did tell my therapist about it and he was concerned. I never had another episode and now I’m on 4 different psych meds and I can actually say I feel so much better than back then. Thank you so much for covering this topic. I’ve learned so much from it! <3
Thank you for describing this!! People around you when you dissociate don’t always believe you when you tell them “I don’t remember that”, because you can seem so functional and “with it”. I’m glad you hit on memory loss first, and then discussed at length how you can still effectively “go through the motions” while you’re in this state. People think you’re “conveniently forgetting” a difficult moment, without realizing that BECAUSE the moment was so difficult your brain had simply “pulled the plug”. I have had problems with dissociating all of my life. Social interactions alone seem traumatic to me, and my brain learned to “pull the plug” at a very young age. It’s difficult to break that habit once your brain learns how effective it can be for your survival.
I didn’t really experience this until I went to treatment to get off benzos and alcohol. For several weeks I was in a constant state of dissociation and depersonalization. It was actually kind of traumatic. 7 years later if my stress level gets really high I can feel myself start to get dizzy and spin. I guess this will be with me forever now although it’s rare these days.
After my childhood traumas, neglectful and alcoholic parents, domestic abuse, and the bullying I suffered at school. I have been suffering from severe social anxiety, depression and obsessive thoughts for almost five years. I’ve changed five different therapists to cure my PTSD. My therapists were exactly materialist and didn’t really cared. I was often depersonalized and derealized. This made me agoraphobic and I found the cure in isolating myself. I dropped school, just to face my alcoholic dad and toxic mom. Even though I know it’s a wrong way, but if you’re alone and broken, it’s the only way. I felt like I was caging myself and it really made my mental worse. But now I’m better. I learned to understand my dissociations better. I improved myself in this topic, psychology has now become my hobby.
I have this now. I feel like a character in a play. All the therapy I’ve gotten has taught me to “think before you speak”. This has resulted in my inserting a new dynamic like a committee when I am in convo….is this ok to say?…maybe I should couch it differently? At lot of times now I don’t say anything. It would cause conflict which I want to avoid at all costs, but at the same time I am feeling restrained in self expression. I feel a lack of spontaneity because I have to deal with the internal conversation “Committee” first. I just want to be myself!! Thanks “think before you speak”. I know it’s a good habit but not when it’s to this extent.
I definitely think this has happened a couple of times. I am a nurse and most recently a couple months back I came onto shift and I had twice the patient load and everyone was feeling extremely stressed. I realized I dissociated early in the morning because I had a porter show up to take a patient to surgery. I told them I did not know they were doing for surgery. I was panicked by this as well. I realized later in the shift I didn’t remember getting most of my report in the morning and I don’t didn’t remember small chunks of my day. I also remember crying 3 seperate times and an hour before my shift ended I got such a sharp, sudden and piercing headache caused by tension in my neck. Unfortunately the way things are right now is crazy and it’s happened a couple times at work when things got insanely stressful. Thankfully with all my other mental health issues I do not struggle with dissociation, it has only happened a few times when the stress has gotten to be so intense that I mentally checked out. The fact that I dissociated at work is absolutely terrifying because I am responsible for my patients. I could make a serious error.
All this makes total sense in accordance to my life experience. I’ve just realized this morning that my dissociation didn’t end in childhood, it continued in other ways as an adult: isolation, drug/alcohol abuse, wearing earphones all the time with white noise. I’ve been on an identity search for over a decade and continuing. The ways in which we dissociate seem to change over time.
Due to dissociation I have lost 12 years. I don’t know where those 12 years went by. I am 30 now. Haven’t accomplished anything. Trying to start over again. Looking for a job, any kind of work you know. I am so angry at my brain. My parents left me when I was 7. I am so confused. I want to educate myself. Maybe death will liberate me from this life.
I just happened to find some articles on DID, and heard people with DID talk about dissociation and it made me realize that I’ve struggled with it many times. I have spells where I feel like I lose consciousness (usually at work) and I’ll forget what I’m doing or talking about, and sometimes when I come back to, I never remember what I was doing or talking about. I had noticed it happening a lot, but I never knew quite what it was until today. Holy crap.
Back in 1985 I lost a whole week of memory while at college. I remember sitting in a study desk at the library and having a sensation of ‘waking’ up completely lost and thinking, what day is it and how long have I been here. I was only there that day, which was a Friday, but knowing that I had no memory of getting to Friday. I suffered horrible abuse and now that I am 60 years old I know that episode was disassociation. I continue to struggle with depersonalization and derealization to this day. Most of my life has been okay, but dotted with really dark episodes of confusion and pain. God is good and has stayed by my side through this whole journey. However I still struggle with who I really am.
Thank you for this article. I am pretty sure I have been disassociated for many years now and I feel it’s ruining my life. I don’t feel like myself anymore, I’m not able to think like I used to, I suffer from brain fog badly, and I can’t even cry if I try. It’s awful because I feel like I’m missing out more on my kids lives because of this…I’m going to look for a therapist in my area. Thank you
I have almost no memory of my childhood and into my early adulthood due to severe child abuse. I used to think it was a weakness but slowly learned thru therapy that it was a strength I have to protect myself from the constant trauma and fight or flight feelings I constantly dealt with. At 63 I am still dealing with all of this but in a healthy, confident way. I don’t need to remember to be whole. I am whole because I accept that dissociating was necessary and I was strong enough to protect myself when no one else would.
I was working at a very bad neighborhood and this pharmacy was constantly assaulted and too bad for me almost always I was there so I was beaten, menaced with a gun, with a knife, etc. Those first times I was quite scared but this was very repetitive so I started to feel less and less. I was the spectator, everything was foggy, there was a big screen in front of me or I was behind a wall made of glass, I felt no fear no nothing. After those incidents I felt strangely like it was not me the affected person and closed the pharmacy, counted the money, called the police and even offered a cup of tea to my very scared coworkers. And yes, those dissociative episodes started to happen whenever I had a clash with some very entitled customers, when I was badly injured on a car accident, or something painful or very stressful like a severe earthquake. After many of those robberies I felt depressed and hollow and like the whole world had lost colors and meaning. I was sent to a psychiatric evaluation and yes I was in an almost permanent dissociative state and post-traumatic stress dissorder and very depressed. This is the first time I told this publicly. People, seek for help and don’t wait any longer.
The experience i remember that gets me the most is when i was working at walmart and suddenly while pushing one of the L carts, i felt extremley odd. I felt confused and foggy for a solid min, the lights seemed brighter than usual, things were just a little fuzzy, it was hard to process thoughts. I felt mostly mentally present but was still looking around and thinking running through my head like a checklist “wait, whats going on? Im standing here at walmart… im in my vest so im working.. holding this cart with random things in it… i guess i was just cleaning under the counters. I need to take theese to the bins in the back.” then it would click and id remember everything and things would start to clear up a little and id remember what i was doing. Then i felt alot of anxiety after because i didnt understand what had happened. Any idea what this is?
Hey Kati, any chance you could do a article discussing to overlaps of Dissociation/DPDR and Maladaptive Daydreaming? I feel like theres a lot of us that experience both and I’d be curious to get your take! Is one a symptom of the other or is it just that they are both common trauma responses? Finding it hard to get info about this online.
Only issue I having is zoning out way too much then I’ll become numb. Not aware of my surroundings and constantly pushing myself to familiarize myself with what’s going on in the moment and outside. Has it gotten better the answer is yes for me it has. I didn’t go to the doctor yet but I will to see what’s going on. But honestly it’s annoying tbh. Sometimes I can’t focus on the moment. But the way to heal is to pray and keep moving every day and do things normal that’s about it.
I was diagnosed with OSDD at the age of twenty-five, and even now, some twenty-six years later, I still have it, although I manage it better these days than I used to. But that’s only because I’ve had A LOT of therapy to help me deal with the ‘alternative’ way my brain has adapted to deal with the world. ALL of these symptoms hit the bells for me; I have not only huge gaps in my memory of my life, but many of those gaps seem to fall into very specific categories – i.e. I don’t just have no memories of ONE instance of a certain event happening, but EVERY instance of that same event happening, no matter how big the gap in time might be between them. And I have no idea why that might be – a lot of those events aren’t even what you’d typically think of as traumatic, so it doesn’t seem to me like my brain was ‘protecting’ me from anything when it wiped them/didn’t engage with the moment.
I got this as a child didn’t know about from great trauma In my family. Never knew I had it thought my life was normal but it wasn’t. It wasn’t till I was 50 years old and learned some things about it that lead me w help to snap out of it. But it was too late all those I loved or cared about around me. Don’t let it happen to you
Is this the same thing as dissociative amnesia? Like, I know I dissociate, but I’m trying to figure out if I also have dissociative amnesia. I can’t remember much of my childhood or any details about certain traumas. When something stressful happens to me now, I have a hard time “staying in my body.” Like, I just forget everything. I had a horrible phone call a few weeks ago, and I had no idea what the phone call was about an hour later.
I just clicked on this, but it opens a door. At the age of 7, in grade 2, my mother and I were called to an interview with my teacher, Miss Groves. I have a memory gap about the interview, only returning to reality standing in the boys bathroom afterwards. I still have feelings of fear and embarrassment when I think of this. Conversely, a couple of times, I have assisted at bad car wrecks as a civilian passerby before the police arrived. I was cool-headed and did all the necessary things to get the victims out and somewhat stabilized, despite their terrible injuries. I felt like I was observing myself. However, I feel deeply angry whenever I see rubberneckers at car wrecks. So, thanks for listing these five things and helping me understand how dissociation helped me. A thought: your demeanour when you described your mother getting to you first with the news about your grandfather, which trashed your composure before your big moment, suggests to me that, like others who do that, she was controlling you from a distance or making herself important. I may be way off base, but I have seen this behaviour from a family member. Please alert me if I have overstepped.
For the longest time I used to just tell myself I had an over-active imagination, and that is why when people started talking I would “zone out” and think of other more interesting things, or invent stories in my head that would play out quite realistically, as if I was perusal a movie in my head. Then I would snap back to reality and realize I had no idea what I was doing or what the conversation was or what someone had just asked me. Most of my friends are used to it and just call me ditzy. Thanks to a mean alcoholic step father of mine who used to sit me down and lecture me for hours and slap me around to toughen me up. I have never had therapy before and I am 36. I just…deal with it I guess, by trying to pay attention and focus on what people are saying, but it doesn’t take long for me to slip back in to my imagination for the next movie showing..
I have disassociated my whole life. I didn’t know that is what was going on. But I always daydreamed my life was better than it was. Also emotionally detached so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed. Now as an adult I struggle to be able to be emotionally present for myself and for others. For example, when my first daughter was born, I was supposed to be so happy, but instead I felt like I was numb, observing everything from the outside.
Many years ago I had a stressful situation in downtown Atlanta. Afterwards I drove all the way to Marietta in Atlanta traffic. When I pulled into the drive I realized it was the apartment I had moved out of a year earlier and I had no recollection of how I got there. The new place and the old were on completely different sides of the city. I guess autopilot can sometimes get you though but it was a freaky thing.
Thank you so much for this, I finally have an answer to what has been happening to me, I have experienced 3 episodes I know of where I came to somewhere I don’t remember going to, I just thank God I was with people I trust, with the last one I was literally standing outside my home and told a colleague on phone that I had no idea where I was and didn’t know how to contact my family, WHILE on the phone😅. Finally beat depressing and will eventually beat anxiety and this😊
I remember clearly how when I was younger I said to my mother “I have a feeling that when I grow up I’m not going to be here anymore, another person will take my place”. And here I am, I don’t feel like I’m that person anymore, or a person at all. I’m literally just existing, but not living. Can’t remember anything about my life or present, I’m never here, nothing around me, not even me, nothing feels real, I can’t have feelings, just a little bit of a vanished and foggy feel of something, can’t think of anything most of the time, can’t do anything, barely get out of bed with lots of effort, can’t remember why I love the people that’s around me and most of the time can’t feel almost anything for them, constant stress and anxiety, don’t know what my personality is, reality breaks like it is a game or 3D model of simple shapes, parts of my body doesn’t feel like they’re mine, it feels too big when I go to open spaces and it’s horrifying and makes me dizzy, noises are too loud, light are too bright. It’s been really difficult to talk to people too, I don’t even know how to act or talk to someone normally, but even if I try I can’t even do it, most of times for weeks. Plus I dissociate all the time, there’s not a second where I can be in reality, and everytime I try to or try to feel something it only makes it worse because of stress. All of this everyday and moment of my life. It’s terrifying to be through this and loose all of my life because of it, good and important moments to remember in the future, have feelings for people, live like normal people would.
I disassociated during labor at 15 years old. Felt none of the labor pain and couldnt push during contractions because I felt no contractions but fully dilated. They tried the forceps which I didnt feel either but saw. Needless to say they had to hurry and put me to to sleep to cut me the baby heartbeat was dropping. When I woke I felt pain all over my body. I cried so hard. I had been through so much abuse as a child from so many people the memory loss started and dissipating started before age 9. I am 61 years old now and my whole life has been soooo unexplainable. Very few word could describe my life.
I have this issue with DID, I lost a big chunk of my life. after my sister died I dissociated feeling no pain. I numbed out and my whole congregation came to support my mom and my siblings and my sister’s kids. I also disassociated after my brother died 3 years later on. After his memorial, I disassociated myself for several days. My mind retreated and my family noticed this and didn’t do anything. They just thought I was acting weird or obnoxious. I’ve had DID since I was a boy. And even in college, I had it and don’t remember much.
To me it feels like in Severance, except I don’t remember getting on the elevator. I’ve always know I was too chatty but it has never been possible for me to catch myself doing it to try and bring awareness to it. A few days ago I was with a friend and I talked and talked and talked while driving, and when it stopped, I felt a subtle clic in my head, for the first time, and it took me a second to realize where I was and who I was talking AT. It’s like coming out of anesthesia. And I told people many many times that I didn’t realize I was doing it while I was doing it. And researching “I talk too much about my trauma” led me to resources on dissociation and oh my god, I finally feel I’m on the right path. There’s a unit in the hospital an hour away that specializes in ptsd (how awesome is that??). I contacted them this week, talked to the nurse, explained the trauma and the current symptoms and she said they could help me! At 40 and after a lifetime of rejection because I was the person who would talk everyone’s ears off, I’m finally feeling hopeful on this topic 🤗
I remember one time I was in RS and I’d finished my work before anyone else, so I just stopped for a bit. I was really quite stressed and tired and I lay back and literally started contemplating everything, for some reason imagining what heaven is like. After this it felt like I’d woken up or something, and the teacher was talking and I couldn’t remember anything from the last few minutes. Ngl it was a pretty relaxing feeling but scary as it had never happened before.
I only recently heard about dissociation, and perusal this made me realize I’ve been doing this since I was in middle school. I never self harmed myself, but I’ve had thoughts about it and I have a ton of gaps in my life that I can’t remember at all. Because I was severely bullied in middle school I don’t remember most of it, and it’s very concerning.
It always sounds like people are experiencing this so much worse than I do, which is why I was surprised when my psychiatrist said this is likely what’s been happening to me for a few years now. For me I just feel absent minded, tired, foggy, and my memory is poor. I can’t really access my emotions or engage with people how I’d like to fully. Almost like they are mumbling in the background. And I’m just on auto pilot so often. It’s wild what the brain will do to “protect” us. It feels so difficult to try and snap out of it. Like waking up after only a couple of hours of sleep and trying to run a marathon after. In fact, my napping a lot is a big part of this too. I would love to get past this but it’s a daily constant for me at this point.
I don’t get dissociation much anymore but I used to have it happen a lot. I mainly experienced the “out of body” and “observing myself as a 3rd perspective” feeling. It really is a distressing feeling. My psychiatrist eventually determined that my antidepressant was causing too much seratonin in my brain and called it seratonin toxicity. I’ve been on a different antidepressant now for some years but have only had a few episodes whereas I was having dissociation episodes every day.
I always feel like I am shadowing myself. One time it felt like I had one foot in and one foot out. I know I was carrying on with my day but couldn’t tell you what I did all day. Sometimes I will wake up and pour myself a cup of coffee and all of a sudden the day is over and I still have half a cup of coffee and no recollection of my day. Sometimes I feel like I am small or short and that’s how I see things. I’m currently getting help for my mental health. It’s no joke this mental illness.
I feel out of phase when the disassociation happens. I touch solid surfaces to reaffirm I am here, tell myself repeatedly the basics like my name, age, and where I live. The lightheaded feeling is annoying, but the background feeling of “Where am I?” “Is this real?” ” Can others tell something is wrong with me?” is extremely unpleasant. Since I’ve retired, the disassociation feeling isn’t as often. Job stress made it worse. Working with loud, hysterical, attention seeking women was extremely difficult being as I am an introvert. Depression and anxiety walked with me daily. Vigorous exercise helped relieve some anxiety. Reading my Bible helped, too.
I had a six hour car ride with my sister in which we talked about our childhood traumas, it was that very same discussion that I revealed that I disassociated a lot in which she pointed out that she noticed as well, and that it had been an ongoing issue for years. I don’t know why, but it suddenly hit me that the reason I have huge chunks of memory from my childhood and teen years lost was because I was disassociated for actual YEARS. these past 3 years are the MOST I’ve EVER been engaged, i have a thriving social life, I’m working towards a career, and I have loving friends who care for me. I can’t believe I’ve missed actual years of my life to this, and I’m so afraid of it happening again. i don’t want to suddenly wake up and find that another few years have past without me recalling, it’s terrifying and i want a therapist to help, but i cannot afford one.
I experienced quite severe dissociation symptoms a few years back aged 42. At the time, I had no idea what was happening to me, and thought I was getting early onset dementia, because I would often forget where I had been on the same day I was trying to recall it. i would walk into my kitchen and put my kettle on, and have no recollection of doing it. It was getting progressively worse, and I had to quit my job because my memory and concentration levels were so impaired. I was even forgetting how to spell basic words, despite having a University degree in English and linguistics. I had never struggled before in my life with spelling. It was really scary. I went to my Doctor, was referred to a neurologist for a brain scan, and it came back all clear. I was then referred to a psychotherapist, and it was then that I first heard the term ‘dissociation’. I was in therapy for about 6 months, and thankfully it was successful, however I had to learn better ways to deal with the inevitable stressful events of life.
I don’t know if this falls in these categories, but when I was 18 years old, my eldest brother died trying to save someone else’s life. I was still living at home with my mom. When my mom and other family went to ID his body(out of town), I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I started cleaning the house. I’m talking spring cleaning type cleaning. In the middle of the night. I cleaned till well into the next day. I always thought to myself it was an odd response to my brother’s death, but I just felt like I needed to keep busy. Then I went to my boyfriend’s house (boyfriend at the time) and didn’t want to deal with anything else related to my brother’s death. My mom, family and pastor had to come talk to me to get me to come home, and then to the funeral. I am glad I had family (and even the at the time boyfriend) who cared enough to convince me to face the loss I was trying to avoid. I don’t think I could have gotten through the grieving process had I been allowed to hide from it.
I’m a manager at amazon. And being a manager helped me realize I suck at managing stress, so many things happening, so many people talking, so much pressure😫 sometimes my mind just wanna say f it, and I’m not mad I do feel like it’s protecting me from screaming my brains out. But other times I forget really important things too
My ex used to ask me “Where’d you go.” She always waited to ask until I came back. She never interrupted my “little vacations.” These happened when I was driving, or perusal a movie. I was told that when I was driving I never swerved, went over the speed limit, or drove dangerously. I drove perfectly but I would lose miles and chunks of time. That life seems so far away now. I often wonder how I …. I don’t understand I’m just so tired. Time is passing so fast. I remember turning 38. I’m 52 or 53 now. I remember most of the time between, but it just went so fast. Those years feel more like a dream now. I know they happened. I just don’t know the person that I used to be. It is almost like I have lived in chapters, or even sequels. Often with different changes to my personality. It’s as if I morphed into someone else but with most of the memories of the last “character” that I was playing. Each marriage, or each milestone, was the beginning of a new level of understanding. The story is coming to an end now. I think that this the last chapter. I’m kind of happy about that. Carrying this body around is exhausting. I just want to go home. It may be this year or the next. I’m not afraid. I have had 2 near death experiences. After the first one my life really changed. After my second one life was completely different. Unexplainably different. I understand things that normal people don’t seem to. I have stopped trying to explain it to people. I guess that I don’t want to ruin their journey by revealing something that might derail them.
Possible Trigger Warning!…. Mention of suicide. ……… …….. …….. ……… ……… …….. Is anyone else prone to extreme behaviour when they dissociate? I had a major episode about 18 months ago, that resulted in me being sectioned to a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks. I had spent the afternoon chatting normally with my sister for a few hours, then from what she has since told me, I started not making sense, and talking about weird subjects. My sister told me that she left to go and get my husband, as she was becoming concerned, and by the time they returned about 20 mins later, I had a belt around my neck, and was hanging from the kitchen door. To this day, I have absolutely no memory of any of it. I remember chatting with my sister, then my next memory is being in an ambulance. It’s not the first time that I’ve had an extreme dissociation episode, but it’s probably one of the worst.
When I disassociate it’s always either when I’m having a conversation and the other person is extremely emotional (anger, sadness etc) or when I’m involved in an emergency/high adrenaline event. I can only describe it as an immediate shield that comes up mentally, it’s like I’m behind a clear glass wall and the other person or background is dimmed and quietened and I’m so many steps away I’m perusal from a distance without the feeling that other people have. No adrenaline, just a flatness and lack of true empathy because I removed myself from the situation. I try to say the right words and hear myself saying them, but I don’t mean it, it’s just that I know it’s what people are meant to do, then try to avoid the same situation that triggered it from happening again whenever possible. I almost went over a cliff when I was younger and felt nothing, have memories of my mother being physically, emotionally & mentally abused and feel no emotion about it. Those things happened to someone else and I’m behind the wall.
Ever since my husband passed away, it’s been hard for me to remember who I was, who we were, and just my whole life pretty much before he died. I look at pictures of us together or us as a family and I don’t recognize the people in the pictures. They look like us but I don’t know who they are. I feel like I died the day my husband died too, and I’m this new person now. Disassociation is the only thing keeping me going, and it’s been for 17 months now.
I always said it felt like perusal my life as I was perusal a movie, it didn’t feel real or like I was really there. Other times with acute episodes I’ve had people say I looked sedated or like I had taken a sedative, no blinking no talking, just sitting there with my eyes wide open breathing. I also don’t feel much when I get tattooed and I tend to dissociate during most of the session and then I’m like “oh we’re done, okay thanks” and I don’t really remember the pain. I have CPTSD and I’ve been starting to feel emotions lately and it threw me for a loop because I’m just not used to feeling pain from the amount of dark and painful things that have happened so I’m slowly starting to allow myself to feel and being patient with myself. I was the “strong one” and the “family psychologist” so I just put my own feelings away to deal with my family’s… now that I’m in a safe place and I’m begging to start processing some things it’s really difficult sometimes… I feel like I’ve spent most of my life dissociating.
I cried during this article. For some years now I have realized that my memory loss seemed really off. I cant remember most of the things that I did with friends, family or myself, when it wasnt a really big event and I have credit for it (like concerts). I am now collecting as much pictures and cards as possible of the many events, to at least remember some of it, when I see it. But it really left a sour taste in peoples mouths that I just dont remember stuff. When I am having hard episodes, days, weeks, everything blurs into one another and I completely get out of touch with time and reality. What I dont understand is, this auto-pilot – depersonalization.. When I know I am dissociating, I feel like I have thoughts and everything like normal, but that they have no effect on me, like I am just not in control of myself. I just watch. I can even telephone with someone in this state, but I am mostly not really able to listen or say much. And than the day goes by, like today and I sit here and I have no idea what I did 80% of the time. But I have this vague feeling of, that I was present while doing the stuff that I did. I dont know. Worst part is actually point 5 for me.. after living all these years with dissociation, I feel like I have lost my sense of self. Like, when I am really emotional, I feel like I dont know who I am. What I like, what I dont, what opinions I have, strenghts, values. Nothing, I just feel like a blank sheet of paper. I also feel like I lose the feeling for concepts like language for some months. I often find myself looking for words that I should know, totally mundane ones like “train, table, oven, stars” and when I am out of dissociation and I write stuff, I use words that I havent used for years. They just appear out of thin air. And sometimes I think of normal words and my brain just doesnt know what language is anymore. I see a train, think of the word train, but I get this mixed feeling of not knowing what I am thinking of. Well, whatever. Ill finish my ramble here.. Hope someone can relate and feel a little bit of ease. You are not alone with this. It for sure helps me, knowing it. Stay save and you guys are so strong. <3 This is probably the most hard thing to explain to someone who just cannot comprehend how this feels.