A person who pushes you away may not necessarily mean they don’t care about you or want to break up. However, there are 17 signs that someone may be pushing you away, such as being hesitant to make plans, fearing rejection, or defending their fragile psychological state.
When someone is emotionally pushed away by someone with PTSD, it can make you feel defeated and frustrated. To help you understand and offer the best support, it is essential to learn how to offer the best support.
When someone with bipolar disorder has severe episodes, it can mess with their ability to work or function normally. Common reasons for this include unresolved conflict from the past, powerful emotions like anger and resentment, and unresolved conflict from the past. If your loved one is pushing you away because they fear rejection, the solution might seem clear: simply reassure them of your love on a regular basis.
Depressed people often push away loved ones away as they think they may hurt them unintentionally. To avoid them feeling any pain, it is crucial to communicate gently and openly. Reaching out with gentle and open communication is crucial when someone with bipolar disorder pushes you away. It is clear that when she gets stressed, the last thing she wants is for you to be overbearing and trying to fix her issues.
One of the clearest signs someone is pushing you away is not stopping loving them. It is almost never the case that someone who has been acting distant has actually stopped loving you back. Trying to “give them a hug” can be unsettling when a grief-stricken friend refuses help. Learn what you can do to help honor their grief process and help them cope with the challenges they face.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| Pushing People Away: Why It Happens and How to Stop | Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. | healthline.com |
| Why do depressed people push loved ones away? | Depressed people often push away the loved ones away as they think that they may, in some ways, hurt them unintentionally. | 7cups.com |
| 21 Signs Someone Is Pushing You Away When You Try to … | The “pushing someone away” phase is characterized by icy coldness, manipulation, verbal/physical aggression, emotional separation from the person who is trying … | marriage.com |
📹 Loving Someone with Depression Who Pushes You Away
Loving someone with depression who pushes you away can be painful. I know. I’ve been there. But I’ve learned a few things that …
What Is Pushing People Away A Symptom Of?
Pushing people away often stems from fear of intimacy, heartbreak, and personal vulnerabilities, and may also be linked to mental health challenges such as anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder. This behavior is frequently a defense mechanism, triggered when individuals start to feel close to their partners. As a result, their actions can create confusion and hurt for both parties involved. Psychological insights reveal that the tendency to isolate oneself can be related to deeper emotional struggles and self-sabotaging behaviors. Recognizing signs of these behaviors, like canceling plans consistently or displaying low self-esteem, is crucial in understanding what drives individuals to maintain distance from others.
People with low self-worth may push loved ones away due to fears of being unworthy of meaningful connections. Fear of intimacy, attachment issues, and trouble trusting others also play significant roles. While it might feel safer to push others away, this often results in losing potential sources of positivity and love. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward fostering healthier relationships.
Encouragement can come from discussing fears with friends, family, or professionals, thereby breaking the cycle of distancing. Understanding and addressing these underlying issues are essential for building stronger connections and overcoming the psychological barriers that lead to isolation.
What To Do When A Toxic Family Member Reaches Out?
Dealing with toxic family members can be challenging but manageable with the right strategies. First, it’s essential to recognize toxic behavior patterns to address them effectively. Start by setting clear boundaries and communicating them consistently to limit interactions, thus reducing their negative impact on your well-being. Seeking support from friends or mental health professionals is vital to avoid isolation and foster resilience. Additionally, prioritizing self-care allows you to manage stress through effective coping techniques.
Remember, toxic behavior is a reflection of them, not you. Keep in mind that family members often have a long history with you, leading to their critiquing personal failures. Practice compassion and understanding toward their behavior, but don’t let it affect your emotional health. It's okay to take breaks or limit contact as necessary.
Ultimately, focus on your own life and well-being rather than engaging in family drama. While cutting off toxic relatives may be necessary at times, having a strategy in place for navigating family dynamics can significantly reduce stress. These strategies include recognizing toxic traits, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your own mental health amidst challenging family interactions.
What Are The 4 Stages Of Trauma Response?
The four types of trauma responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—each exhibit unique characteristics and serve as adaptive survival mechanisms. When experiencing trauma, individuals often revert to these responses to cope with threats. The journey of trauma recovery typically unfolds in four stages: 1) Safety and Stabilization, where a sense of security is established; 2) Remembrance and Mourning, focused on processing the trauma; 3) Reconnecting with Self and Others, allowing for rebuilding relationships and self-identity; and 4) Integration and Resolution, where individuals assimilate their experiences and move forward.
Understanding these stages is crucial for both individuals and therapists, as recovery is often non-linear and requires patience. Recognizing and processing one’s trauma responses can significantly impact healing and growth. By navigating these stages, individuals can better manage their reactions and work towards a healthier state of being, ultimately enhancing their resilience in the face of future challenges.
Why Do People Push Loved Ones Away After A Death?
An automatic psychological response to loss is self-protection, often manifesting as the impulse to push loved ones away. This coping mechanism emerges in grievers as they confront traumatic memories, painful emotions, and practical challenges. Pushing others away can feel easier than facing the overwhelming pain of loss. Those grieving may channel their emotions into anger, faith questions, or feelings of isolation, complicating their relationships.
Unfortunately, these behaviors can lead to conflict, as boundaries are formed around hearts that are trying to shield themselves from additional hurt. Grieving individuals may feel like a burden to their friends and family, further distancing themselves to avoid bringing others into their darkness. Even when they struggle with feelings of wanting closeness, the fear of sharing pain can dominate. As a result, relationships can suffer, and those grieving may find themselves withdrawing or lashing out.
It’s crucial for loved ones to understand these dynamics and find ways to support those in grief without taking their withdrawal personally. Navigating these complicated emotions often requires both empathetic support from loved ones and professional help. Ultimately, it’s important for those grieving to confront their pain to begin healing, rather than becoming entrenched in avoidance.
What To Do When Your Family Pushes You Away?
When someone you care about pushes you away, it's essential to respect their space and avoid crowding them. Seek support from family or friends instead of clinging to those who aren't reaching out. It's common for someone to request space, and it often doesn't stem from a desire to break off the relationship. Understand that people's withdrawal can be tied to their fear of rejection or other personal struggles. To cope, maintain your love for them, as reassurance can be vital for those who are scared.
If you’re feeling hurt and confused, it might help to express your feelings regarding the relationship and its emotional impact on you. Offer your support by being a listening ear and avoid unsolicited advice. Educating yourself on issues such as mental health conditions (e. g., PTSD, bipolar disorder) can enhance your understanding and patience as they navigate their challenges. If you're struggling with someone’s withdrawal, focus on staying connected despite their resistance, showing acceptance and love.
Sometimes, it’s crucial to approach the individual to clarify your intentions, letting them know that you wish to maintain contact. Remember to set healthy boundaries and protect yourself emotionally as needed. Engaging in activities that build your self-esteem and independence can also foster resilience in these situations.
How To Know If A Family Member Is Toxic?
Toxic family dynamics, including behaviors like gaslighting, constant criticism, and unnecessary drama, can leave one feeling anxious, drained, and devalued. These signs indicate a detrimental relationship rather than "normal" family conflicts. Familiarity allows family members to leverage personal failures as weapons of critique, causing emotional wounds comparable to physical pain. Toxicity can lead to long-term impacts on mental health. Recognizing and responding to toxic behavior is crucial; signs include boundary violations, drama, and constant negativity.
Coping strategies include establishing boundaries, which, despite being challenging, are necessary for emotional well-being. Awareness of the signs of toxic family members—such as feelings of depression or anxiety around them, conditional affection, a lack of respect for privacy, and harsh punishment—is vital. Additional indicators include manipulation tactics, cruel remarks, generalizations, and ongoing gossip. If a family member's behavior encompasses these toxic traits, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship for one's mental and emotional health.
Seeking to improve or heal from such dynamics involves recognizing toxicity, setting boundaries, and sometimes choosing to distance oneself for personal safeguarding. Overall, understanding and addressing toxic family behaviors is essential for maintaining one’s well-being.
Which Personality Disorder Pushes People Away?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is characterized by a profound fear of abandonment, leading to instability in relationships, self-image, moods, and behavior. Individuals with BPD often desire loving, lasting connections but experience intense mood swings, anger, and impulsiveness that can push others away. They may engage in self-injury or impulsive actions, which complicates their relationships. The disorder typically emerges in early adulthood and is rooted in experiences of dismissive, invalidating, or abusive childhoods.
People with BPD often struggle with communication, feeling misunderstood by others. Their intense emotions lead to a push-pull dynamic, where they may push loved ones away as a means of testing their commitment. This behavior stems from their fear of being abandoned or neglected. The DSM-5 recognizes BPD as a personality disorder due to significant impairments in interpersonal functioning. It's estimated to affect 1. 6% of the general population, highlighting the need for understanding and support from those close to individuals with this condition.
How Do I Stop Pushing People Away?
Seeking guidance from a mental health professional can expedite recovery and help prevent the tendency to push others away. Intimacy issues often arise from unconscious defense mechanisms aimed at avoiding stress, leading to feelings of hurt and confusion when relationships become strained. To overcome avoidance, focus on healing underlying issues and prioritize open communication and meaningful connections. It's crucial to recognize behaviors that might be driving others away and actively work on modifying them.
Understanding the reasons behind your distancing can foster deeper connections, and there are strategies to break this cycle: start by engaging in social gatherings and being mindful of relationship patterns. Taking gradual steps toward trust and vulnerability is essential, as rushing can intensify feelings of withdrawal.
Implementing small changes in daily routines may also help conserve energy for more significant interactions. Pushing people away often serves as a defense mechanism rooted in past experiences or insecurities, such as low self-esteem. Reflecting on these factors, and acknowledging the fear of loss can aid in cultivating patience. Ultimately, working on self-awareness and embracing love, despite its uncertainties, is key to nurturing healthier relationships and fostering emotional security.
What Happens If A Grieving Partner Pushes You Away?
When a partner pushes you away during a period of grief, it's often a manifestation of their struggle to cope with loss. Understanding this behavior is crucial, as it typically leads back to the emotional turbulence stemming from grief. Offering unconditional support is essential; respecting their boundaries while maintaining open communication can help both partners navigate this difficult time. It’s important to recognize that pushing away can be a defense mechanism rooted in fear and past experiences. Grief alters relationships, prompting feelings of helplessness and confusion for both partners.
To help a grieving partner, you can reach out with love, allowing them space while assuring them of your unwavering support. Acknowledging their loss and encouraging them to express their emotions is vital. It’s also crucial to tap into your support system to manage your feelings of isolation. Patience is essential; understand that their behavior is not a reflection of their feelings for you but rather a coping mechanism.
Ultimately, while you may feel powerless when love is met with resistance, maintaining your position of support can foster healing. Balancing your needs with theirs is key to preserving the connection while recognizing the shared grief that affects you both.
Is There A Disorder For Pushing People Away?
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is characterized by unstable relationships marked by a "push-pull" dynamic, where individuals oscillate between idealizing their partners and pushing them away. This behavior leaves loved ones feeling hurt and confused, creating a cycle that negatively impacts overall well-being. Individuals with BPD often crave reassurance and may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, such as testing friendships by creating distance out of fear of intimacy, rejection, and loss of control.
This tendency is linked to underlying mental health issues like depression and anxiety, which can exacerbate feelings of isolation. Pushing people away serves as a defense mechanism to avoid emotional pain, but it often leaves individuals feeling more isolated and unfulfilled. While this behavior is common among those with BPD, it can also manifest in other mental health conditions. Emotional dysregulation results in intense feelings that complicate relationship dynamics.
Acknowledging these patterns is crucial for healing. Seeking help from a mental health professional can provide insights and strategies to build healthier, closer relationships. Despite being poorly understood, BPD is a treatable condition, and those affected can learn to manage their emotions and develop trust more effectively.
Why Do People Push Loved Ones Away?
Pushing people away can be a defense mechanism for individuals who fear intimacy and potential emotional pain, often stemming from past negative experiences like breakups or loss. This behavior might surface when one begins to feel closer to a partner, leading to confusion and hurt as the person suddenly distances themselves. Fear of rejection and the challenge of emotional investment can lead people to self-sabotage their relationships. While there's a belief that distancing can protect one's emotional well-being, it frequently results in alienating those who could offer support and love.
Factors such as trauma, mental health issues, or fear of vulnerability contribute to this distancing behavior. Anxiety surrounding trust, self-worth, and unresolved personal experiences often underlies these tendencies. Pushing loved ones away may also occur when individuals grapple with depression or the impact of grief, as they may feel like burdens or lack the energy to connect. Understanding and addressing these feelings through communication, self-reflection, and seeking support can help break the cycle of isolation.
Recognizing the intentions behind this behavior is crucial, as it provides insight into one's struggles, allowing for healthier connections moving forward. Ultimately, overcoming these challenges requires a commitment to self-awareness and vulnerability.
📹 When Someone You Care About Pushes You Away
My boyfriend is struggling with suicidal depression and just recently decided to break up with me. I’ve been so hurt and confused and I was always trying to be there for him and help him through. I didn’t understand why leaving me was what’s best for him, but your words have helped immensely to understand that. Thank you so much ♥️
I am going through this right now and this article has really opened my eyes. I have been blaming myself for our separation for the last two months and it has really drug me down. I have realized that she is going through depression herself that I never even knew she had. I have made her a promise to support her through this and let her know I am not going anywhere. It is really sad to watch someone you love so much go through depression but if you love them you have to pray for them and be there for them even if its from a distance.. Thank you so much for the articles.
The most frustrating thing about depression is nobody you were once close to doesn’t listen and understand. They don’t take the time to watch these help articles. It makes you feel alone. When there is no compassion from others to even try to understand just makes a person dive deeper and deeper into depression. Also, others seek and talk about your depression to others that you once felt comfortable talking to and you feel like everyone knows I’m messed up. But, in my journey I have found that I’m on another type of level of awareness and I’m not talking about a higher IQ. There’s something else going on that’s unexplainable.
so this is how she felt … ever since she left i’ve been searching for a reason as to why. we were heavy on psychology while together so i figured psychology would lead me to the answer. i began to ask why she left. she told everything this article says. she felt unworthy of love. she felt like she was dragging me down. if only she knew.
All the examples you gave is referring to my bf 10000%. We going to a have a talk this weekend about it, and to show him how I’m going to be there for him and work on my own emotional strength too. I love him so incredibly much, and I know when he says he’s losing feelings that deep in his heart he doesn’t mean that.
I was in a weird situation. The person I love was going through an extreme state of depression/anxiety and I felt them pulling away. He was crying and told me he is in love with me but it’s best that we take a break… he said he’s coming back for me because I’m the one girl in his life that he loves… so I honored that. We hadn’t spoken for 10 months because HE said when his mind is better he will return to me. In the meantime I continued moving forward but everyday but a gosh damn struggle because I missed him so much😞 he just never saw that…. Because we were out of contact. All he saw was me being “happy”. Well at the 10 month mark I had to reach out. I missed him so much… the last time we had spoke, he was a ball of vulnerability- so tender and warm. He NEVER expressed this side to himself. 10 months later and when I reached out he was cold as ice. Even though he left the ball in his court to come back to me, I feel like he was hurt that I didn’t reach out. The night we last talked 10 months prior, he said everyone in his life abandoned him. so he probably sees it that I abandoned him too even tho I was just trying to respect his space. So I ended up telling him that my feelings haven’t changed and I still care so deeply about him. I told him that I didn’t reach out because I was honoring his space. I told him I missed him so much every single day, but I said that I respect if he’s moved on or met someone else….. he hasn’t responded to me and it’s been a day. I don’t know what to do because I feel hurt and forgotten too.
Thank you for this article… THANK YOU.. I am currently perusal this everyday to remind myself that my partner pushing me away isn’t about me.. ill love him no matter what and it does really hurt a lot of the time but I’ll be there to support him and show him that I won’t allow his illness to push me away.. he has moments of clarity where he says how much he loves me and I hold on to those moments.. Thank you, Rachel.. Thank you Rachael…
Thank you. I am there. I am sinking into a place of self-loathing because my girlfriend is pushing me away. She says she loves me, but ceases all contact with me often. I feel as if she’ll be better off without me. I will follow this great insights. I truly love her and want to remain with her and for her.
I”m crying perusal this. You’re hitting the nail on the head here. My girlfriend has depression and I can tell she tries to be kind but she does push me away and I’m so sad that she’s going through all this. Thank you for helping me understand better. I love her so much and wish there was something I could do to help her. But we don’t live together so I don’t really ever know when I’m being pushed away or if she’s just busy. I think it’s often her pushing me away though because when we do interact, it’s very open and honest and loving. So I suspect she pushes me away to protect me when she’s having a bad day. She told me in the past she doesn’t want her sadness to rub off on me and she’s apologized a few times for starting a relationship with me right before she went into a depressive episode because she feels guilty that we didn’t have a lot of time to build a strong foundation. But then when things are good, they are so sweet and loving between us. I just want to ease her suffering. She doesn’t deserve to be in all this pain. She’s a precious soul and I’d do anything to help her if I just knew what that was. Fortunately my best friend of 43 years is a therapist who also suffers from depression so she’s helped me navigate this situation a lot. I think I’m doing pretty good but it is so hard because it’s my first time in 56 years to be with someone who has depression. I’m learning. I know I can’t heal for her so all I can do is just show support and be there and be patient. So that’s what I do. I just hope she remembers in her sad times how much I love her. And you’re so right about love. I’m fortunate that I do love myself and am healthy in that way so I don’t usually take it personally when she pushes me away. And I’ve noticed that I feel love based on how I’m doing, my own moods and life quality, so I try to keep myself in that good place so I can always shower her with as much love as possible. She’s SO WORTHY OF LOVE <3
My Girlfriend and close friend of 10+ years is struggling so bad with her mental state as of late. I know she loves me but I also know this is really hard for her and I’ve been struggling to try to understand and not feel hurt by everything she does. perusal this has me in tears putting me into perspective. Words can’t express how thankful I am ❤️
Thank you for this article! My boyfriend and I have had a healthy relationship for over 3 years. No arguments, both on the same page of having a future together and great communication. Out of left field he told me he doesn’t feel anything for me and doesn’t know how his feelings just disappeared. He isn’t feeling himself and is so overwhelmed by life and taking care of his parents that he feels unstable and numb. We agreed to keep in contact while I’m in grad school but once I went away he hasn’t responded to my texts or called me back. We both are in therapy separately but it gets harder the longer he doesn’t contact me back. He did tell me he just needs time. I just don’t understand how he wants to spend the rest of my life with me to someone who feels numb/depressed and doesn’t seem to consider me even as a friend. It’s weird how people going through this can suddenly be unrecognizable. I feel like I’m waiting in the unknown of having my heart being broken.
Thank you so much Rachel, this really helps. My son is going through depression with some delusion present. When I am with him I get glimpses of how he was and he hugs me and wants me around, but then he remembers that “he is hideous garbage ” (his words), and he pushes me away, doesn’t want me around so calls me some awful names. I love him with all my heart and will always support him but how do I get him to understand he needs professional help for his illness? He will not take this on board at all.
Thanks for making this article. It helps me understand my situation a bit better. Two weeks ago my boyfriend told me he has severe depression and that he’s seeking help with therapy. But he needs to do it alone because he doesn’t know how long it will take him to get better and don’t want to give me false hope. It hurts that I can’t be there for him when he needs me the most and I’ve been trying to understand him better. I don’t know if I should keep trying to reach out or to leave him alone. I’m torn.
The more I research the more I understand. It started a month before she pushed me away. She became very distant and seemed cold and depressed when I was around her (She didn’t have the same energy and mostly laid on the couch and didn’t say much to me) She would say things that made no sense because we had an amazing 11 months together never having a single argument. She told me towards the end I know you can feel me slipping away from you. She said “I want to “want” to be with you but I don’t at the same time. It was almost like she knew exactly what was happening because she’s gone through this before in the past? She would the say random things in a push/pull manner almost as a test to me in which normally I just gave her confident/comforting responses until she just completely pushed me away one day after saying she needed a break: 1. I love you but I’m afraid of commitment and afraid to fail so I always have my running shoes on with one foot out the door. 2. I love you but I’m not in love with you but then 2 days later be back to normal saying I love you. 3. I need to miss you to know if I want to be with you. 4. I don’t feel I’m worthy of love or trust. She even posted a picture of her with a painting she made saying that exact thing after she pushed me away. 5. Talking about it won’t fix things (After she pushed me away). You need to focus on making you happy while I do the same. 6. I am tired of our relationship running constantly through my head….it is driving me crazy…I am too busy working (workaholic) and I don’t have time for you or nobody.
Thanks for this article! A friend of mine, whom I really really love, suffers from depression. She pushes me away for more than a year now and it’s really hard sometimes. But at that point, I try to remember those things that she said (what you’ve also stated in this vid), that there’s nothing about me. I hope, she can heal and in the meantime, I will have the courage to be with her. It’s hard to be “strong” in these covid days and being fine with myself. It’s so exhausting. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts!
Just wanted to come in the comments and say these articles have been very helpful. I’ve been struggling with communicating my love to my partner recently and she says almost identical things to these articles and react the way not to react almost every time. I’m going to be working on this so I can support her better but it’s nice to finally have someone explain it to me because I’ve never been able to understand it like this.
Thank you so much for this article. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Especially the part about being able to sit with myself and the part about the apathetic feelings. I have a terribly critical inner voice and everyday that I try to be with him is an affront to myself because now I feel I am the one undeserving of his love. Your article reminded me of the reasons why I haven’t and won’t be giving up on him. That I can love him quietly from afar when he pushes me away and be ready to embrace him when he is in a better place.
I was planning to leave my partner not because of her situation but because of all the hurts and reiection i’m experiencing with her,,the way she treats me compared to her friends is unexplainable. But when i hear and think of your advice hits me hard and realized what i was i’m thinking!? I’ll try my best just to be by her side and to love her more without questioning myself worth and see where this relationship goes. Thank you and God Bless!
This is happening to me right now. My boyfriend hasn’t talked to me much and we haven’t seen each other at all in a week. He told me a few days ago that he was depressed and wanted to be left alone. As much as it pains me to do so I’m doing my best to not bother him so it doesn’t make things worse for him. I’ve told him I’m here and I love him and I guess that’s all I can do
I have four kids, small and older and my husband and I have been married almost twenty years. My husband was a heavy meth addict for almost all of our marriage. I worked pregnant with our kids, times he would take off and meet someone else and leave me and the kids stranded in old houses in the middle of the woods with no vehicle and no food, the girls were both babies in diapers and my mom lived with me and I would walk to town to get supplies and work and pay our bills…then he would want to come home, always sorry and always saying he was going to stop. I would believe him because I wanted to and I desperately needed the help. My husband lied and cheated on me for years..and I took it but it fucked me up in my head. We both started therapy while he was using and he would go but he didn’t like that the therapist would place his actions on him, and not on me. To say the least I have been through hell. One thing my husband didn’t do was beat on me, thank God. So now almost 20 years we are old now. I am 42 and the sole bread winner in our marriage. My husband is almost 50 and has been sober for a year. He is in no program and has stopped therapy and church. He is now in a deep depression. His depression is so deep that he is suicidal. He talks about it all the time. He once took a butcher knife and stabbed himself repeatedly when he was 25 and with his first wife. Her mother was a nurse and happened to come home early and found him and called an ambulance. So I do know he has it in him to do it again.
Some people who are prone to depression are short on vitamin D3 and C.Get a label for the cause there are lot’s of good medications that can lift people out of their depression. It’s vital to get him or her help especially when they feel suicidal. Never assume that threats of suicide are just threats get help quickly. Get out of the house go for walks in nature. Encourage him to go to bed at a reasonable time and to get up early. Try to keep active and positive.
I needed to hear that. Especially after, forming a connection with someone. Who appears to be dealing with depression. A professional in being inconsistent and going mia. Withdrawing patterns and using their work schedule. As a way of. Shifting their thoughts elsewhere. The list goes on and on. The best thing I did. Was detach from him. I truly love and care for him. However, I love me more.
Thank you so much for this article. My ex and I just recently broke up due to his depression and anxiety from both work and past life trauma. I tried so hard to support him but only realizing that I could not entirely fix this for him. We ended things because he needs to do the work himself without the pressure of being in a relationship with someone; to find and love himself first. We agreed to still support one another from a distance. I am nervous though continuing to hold onto the idea of us being together in the future.
Thank you for this article! My Boyfriend and I broke up recently, His depression is getting worse. He felt he wasn’t being fair to me, and that I deserve someone who isn’t battling all the things he is. He’s in therapy now. We broke up so he could protect me from himself. He’s worried if I stay close to him that when he hits his breaking point he will hurt me and ill walk out of his life forever. It’s hard seeing the toll its taking on him. How happy we were together, and knowing he feels guilty for us being apart and how much that choice hurts him. I promised him I’m not gonna walk away, that I want to stay and support him through it all. But he doesn’t seem to believe me sometimes and it really hurts 🙁 he tells me he doesn’t mean to push me away and that he’s not trying to but at times it feels like he is.
Hi Rachel, thank you for making this content. My heart is shattered. I was dating an amazing man for a couple of months. I felt our connection at the beginning even though we were in a long-distance relationship but we eventually lost our connection when his depression started to become worst. I took the initiative to find a therapist for him and he appreciated it. He was excited to start his therapy because he wants to get out of his situation but he suddenly became hesitant to seek professional help when he heard from someone that it’s not working. I did my best to convince him but he refused it. So, I contacted his sister to let her know what he’s been going through and to help me encourage him to seek professional help. When my ex knew it, he became mad at me for informing his sister. He regrets that he told me about his depression, and telling his family about his problem made him decide to break up with me. It hurts me a lot and I hope he will reach out one day.
My wife for 4.5 years wants divorce, she was diagnosed with clinical depression, she took medications and therapy for 1 month and started feeling better, me on the other side worked on myself and got her back for two months, she had stopped seeking the any form of therapy then because I was back in her life again and she was happy, now it relapsed and first thing she did was put the blame on the marriage and me. I am exhausted and hurt. I can put up with her issues even if she refused any therapy for rest of her life, All i want is to not blame the relationship and me for her unhappy state. That’s all. Now I am obliged to go through paperwork and give her what she wants, so she realises one day again when it relapses that I or the our relationship was not the reason for her mental illness. I still love her but wanted to hate her for my closure, but I am unable to do so, it’s even more painful. Your article actually help me understand and my therapist is saying the same. Thank you Rachel.
Thank you for this article. My boyfriend broke with me last month, he has been taking meds for years but he still managed to slip into depression due to high stress (finishing his Ph.D. another bachelor’s and working) and it is still difficult and hurts like hell. Especially because we had the most beautiful relationship full of love and support. He told me he needs me to realize I didn’t do anything wrong but that he needs to do this on his own, even though I said I want to be with him and help him. His exact words were: he doesn’t want to drag me, he doesn’t want to be a burden to me and when I said well I always had a possibility to walk away if this is too much he said yeah but I wouldn’t want you to leave. This just showed me that he is afraid I will also leave and prob in the worst moment and he is also afraid he would sink into alcohol and drugs if that happened. We did decide we will stay in contact and talk 1 a week, after the breakup he initiated the contact, he called me a week later just to ask how I am, I wanted to talk about everything once more so we even met last week and it is difficult cause I love him and although he says he currently feels nothing and is completely apathetic, I still see the glimpse of love for me in him. And that kind of also hurts cause I want to help, but can’t help, and he is kind of staying away and pushing away and I just want to be there for him even though we ain’t together. I told my friend other days it would hurt less if he were an a***ole and cheated because like this I have no real argument to believe he will be better soon and even if he is, I don’t know whether he will still love me after that and whether he would even want to go back together.
Like many of the other people commented, recently my girlfriend broke up with me and I recognize many of the points you mention. My view on the situation was completely wrong and I’m unsure what to do now. I want to approach her because I care about her and want to support her through it still. Just unsure about the words I should use, because I’m scared of causing her more harm. This article has been very helpful in understanding a little bit of what a depressed partner goes through, (altho she isn’t anymore, but was it because of the depression? I don’t know). Thank you regardless and I wish all the best to everyone else and their partner who are going through similar things! Thank you!
My girl got depressed out of the blue. One day she woke up and boom, mood change. We went to her mom’s for dinner and she didn’t come home. 2 months have passed and no communication really. A week after that dinner, I stopped at her moms and asked what’s going on, she said that we r ok and she isnt discarding me. She said that she needs to work on her mental health, her therapy, get her meds right. Up to that point she wasn’t taking them regularly and it was an issue. She is BP1. She doesn’t even want a cell phone at this time. Her mom and I talk once a week, a simple check in. Her b day was in September. I got her gifts, her mom came and got them. She loved all of them. She didn’t thank me. It’s ok tho. She left clothes and personal items at the house with me, even her dog is here. I’m giving her the space she is asking for. It’s so hard because I have my own anxieties at times… I miss her so much. Any input?
My husband lost his best friend and brother hit while walking by a drunk driver, he had to pull him out from under the car. He is now very bipolar. He has told me the worst things about me. This was so good to hear because i know he loves me but h is hurting so bad. And yes i am a depressed person too so it has been a challenge.
My bf and I were living together, he told me he was getting depressed & he needed his space to “fix”, “find hik send again” he told me he feels empty and sometimes doesn’t feel anything at all and high anxiety. But he knows he loves me and that I deserve so much more and that I’m beautiful inside and outside. I moved out and we were talking every day all day & it was just a lot for both of us so now he will just give me updates and try to communicate with me because I deserve more he says. But sometimes I wonder if he will come back or if he will even want to be together after. He told me once he is better she will show up on my door with a ring. But sometimes I feel like he is pushing me away so far that he will end up forgetting about me too. I love him so much and I really see who he is even at his worst he is such a great man. But I will be very hurt if he comes out okay and decides he doesn’t want this anymore. He told me if it’s less than a year he will reach out if I’m still single, if it’s longer he won’t because it’s not fair. How long can it take? I feel like he’s also doing soul searching because he feels so disconnected with who he was before and wanting to give he says he doesn’t even feel like giving anymore or anything alike and has no purpose anymore.
Thank you for sharing this. “You can love them” made me well up with tears (because I felt so grateful to hear someone else sharing my perspective on that), then hearing your personal anecdote took my tears even further lol. You deserve a lot of good things, I can tell from your intelligence and empathy.
The reason for her breaking up with me is bc she said that she’s going through a dark place rn and needs time and space to figure some things out alone . I didn’t make things better bc I spammed her trying to reassure her I’m here and that I’m here to help and that we don’t need to break up (we can get through it together). Pretty much, after getting blocked on everything except iMessage, I realized that me begging her to open up to me isn’t gonna get us anywhere so I left it off with “ok I’ll give you your space” . I think and people I’ve talked to think I should give her space and NOT hit her up first. We think that if she wants us to work in the future and I think if she wants to talk things out so maybe we can get together again, she needs to kind of put a bit of effort to communicate . Should I give her space until she hits me up or should I lightly check up on her to let her know I’m still here? It’s confusing because this treatment and being left on delivered came out of nowhere and since she doesn’t wanna talk, I don’t rlly have a grasp on the situation and it just feels like she’s giving up on us
This article on one hand is helpful, But it ignores the fact that some of their behaviors are emotionally abusive to the other person. No one is obliged to put up with any sort of abuse. I definitely think self love is important in doing your own work, But we need to address boundaries for the partner and when to decide to protect themselves instead of enabling or excusing continual bad behaviors. This is coming from someone who is both on the giving end and receiving end of it.
I’m currently dating a guy that has depression and it runs in my family, thinking that having a family member I ” know” what it dose but being in love with someone that has depression it’s a different story. I loving how you broke it down thinking that it was me but it was just his depression acting up and me being there did help
I love this article. My depressed loved one, who I love sooo dearly, pushed me away, ghosted me for a long time, and now even blocked me. But I just know it’s going to be alright again at some point. And I will go on loving him, even if I can not show it to him right now. He is the sweetest human being in the world, and his depression is not going to change that for me ❤
For those like myself (Major Depression. I don’t have extreme up and downs like those with bi-polar it’s always a gauge of lows.) it makes it worse when dealing with a narcissistic parent. Who due to their own traumas will reinforce the negative thoughts to help push the break up and bring their child back to them. Mother gloated about the break up for a decade throwing it in my face every chance she got. Though having my mom tell me nobody will ever love me except my mother was too much and has pushed me to put myself back out there. Been about 14 years since the break up with my ex. We have just started talking again. It hurts because I never quite got over losing her. We were two peas in a pod, the missing pieces of the puzzle. Our personalities aligned so much it was uncanny. The only person I ever felt I didn’t have to hide anything about myself with. I miss them, but don’t want to put them through that again.
I have tried showing her love and devotion to her and did everything I could do but she pushed me out erased me like nothing. I thought she cared for me as much as I did her. I would give my life for her that’s how much I care and believe in her. I this end I guess I didn’t give up my life for her. I can’t say I’ll be able to continue without her i know I don’t want to with all the pain from everything going on its just to much. I have nothing left in me.
funny thing that part bout “you still can love them” also appliable for people who depressed themselves. so that time when your depression kicks in, and you feel like “im not loved, im not worthy” does not affect that fact that you still can love your partner, and, as article says, enjoy this feeling. its not might be for everyones case. but if you fight your way through it, thats a great way to feel something good and healthy, when you struggle to feel anything.
Thank you so much for making this article, you can’t imagine how much it is helping me to cope with my breakup and to be strong. My boyfriend of two years break up with me a month ago and cut off all communication until today. He suffers from severe depression, plus we had a long distance relationship so the feeling of helplessness is even greater. I would like to let him know that I am still here with him but I am not sure if this is what he needs at this time? For now I am focusing on my own projects and learning to accept everything that has happened. Whenever I need strength to understand what is going on I come back to you article. Thank you.🧡
I have a lot of pain. I’ve been with my person for 7 years now, and for almost four of those years she’s been just stuck in this cruel, dark place. She doesn’t believe in herself. She’s told me of her struggles at work, in life man even in article games.. she doesn’t trust in her ability to learn and take care of herself as an independent person in life. As a result, over these years she’s punched herself, scratched and insulted herself. she’s become to herself inside almost what evil smeagol is like: always pulling you down with words of broken hope and ice cold dismissiveness while the real her, the her that I KNEW is hurting and feeling useless to every facet of her life. I don’t know how to be a perfect keeper of the anguish that I feel when she suddenly gets upset and begins hitting herself or yelling at herself or both. I dont know how to stay okay, because I’ve battled with wanting to leave, and I can’t. Too much of me likes the thought of us growing old, I invested too much into our dynamic and I struggle with fighting my own emotion like wet dough being pulled this way and that. I do blame myself for some things that may have sparked her sadness, she doesn’t blame me for it though. We had moved somewhere we had wanted to settle. Foolish me in a moment of spite quit a job and make us move pretty much. We ended up having to go back to the town we met, where our families are at. I regret taking us from where we lived. I hurt over not being able to nurture her out of her mindset as it is today.
Thank you for this, it is so hard to love someone with depression. My ex partner of 4 years recently left, saying that if she can’t save herself then she will at least save me. She asked if we can just be friends, but I simply don’t have the strength to do that especially when she says that she doesn’t want to give me hope that we can get back together. We haven’t spoken in almost three months. I hope she gets the help she needs and finds a way to be happy, hopefully with me in the picture one day.
I am in a relationship with someone that I love more than my life itself, but I have watched as my depression has slowly destroyed the one thing that makes me feel something. We’re still together, but the signs are there that I’m losing her. My self hatred and my belief that I don’t deserve her love is really messing with my mind. This has happened to me before, and it’s happening again. I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. I cant continue living this way anymore. I feel no emotion, I feel nothing. I have everything I could ever want, a family, a partner friends, and my health. But I feel that I am useless and that my existence is pointless. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m only 41 seconds in. But I wanted to comment before I continue….. I keep pushing someone who I am so I love with, and now a few weeks ago we are pregnant. My depressed anxiety and the amount of trauma I’ve had it’s to protect myself. I’ve had to just now call it off and myself will book an appointment for termination. I don’t want to push him away or not have children. Well with him I wanted too! And was so happy. Maybe it’s the hormones as well but. I’d rather not hurt anyone by keep pushing certain people away or have a broken family ( nothing wrong at all I just know deep down I don’t think my head will let me ). I hope perusal this will give me some insight into myself on the other side. Really don’t want to make any rash decisions ❤😔
Hi! a new subscriber here. How to deal with all this in a long distance relationship? My partner was very loving. He has a tough job with extremely pathetic seniors that might be exacerbating his depression. Often times, it was hard for him to manage texting me but i appreciated his efforts. A week ago he went into depressive episode and he hasn’t replied yet. I called him twice in between and he answered and talked and said he’ll get back when he is fine but I’m worried because he hasn’t been away for this long. In our last conversation i asked him to seek therapy but he believes that no one can cure him with therapy. He just had one session and never took again. He gets bout of anger and depression. His psychiatrist has given him some benzodiazepine because he is unable to sleep. I’m being very patient, even in days when i need him and he isn’t there for me and I’m always motivating him and showing him love and care. What can be done in this case knowing that it’s a long distance relationship?
I’m going through the same thing with my partner she just went Mia a month ago she was being hot and cold towards me and I thought she was seeing somebody else. but I soon figured out she’s going through depression as well as other mental health issues I reached out to apologize for what I said and that I’ll give her space. It sucks that I want to be there for her but I know she’s going through a rough time in her life but I gotta do what I gotta do in my own life while she sorts herself out. I was wondering if I should reach out to on her birthday since it’s in two weeks or should I not bother?
My GF pushes me away, but i love her. For ever. When ‘she get back’ i am sure she loves me again, and maybe stronger than ever…..This article helpt me a lot Rachael, now i now it’s not her who broke up, it’s that evil depression who did it… Thanks a lot for your calm and very clear article, it helpt a lot to make me think a different and less sad way. We will be together…
My ex -boyfriend ended our friendship yesterday. We broke up a year ago. But in a year I was still around to be his friend, help and support him. He told me he couldn’t anymore. He tried but he thought his depression was getting better but when we met last week after a year, he was anxious around me, he is unsure. Then he ended the friendship too. Even though he wanted me to be there for him, because I was the only one there for him, he didn’t want to hold on to my life. He wants me to move on. I told him, I was willing to help him, be patient and support him as well as understand him. He said, okay if I get better because you’ve helped me through depression and I still don’t love you? I still don’t choose you? How do you feel? That’s why he wants me to go. He didn’t want to waste my time with his uncertainty and drag me on his depression. We had been in a relationship for 5+ years.
I’m so sorry and feel like such a b** for saying this. What I got from this article is loving someone who is not capable of reciprocating. I understand supporting someone who has depression just as if they would have a drug addiction or any other issue however at what point do you cut off and save something for yourself. Dealing with a depressed person after so long would have me feeling so emotionally, mentally, maybe even physically drained that is not fair to myself to continue to try and live my life with someone like this. The most you could do is help them get help so they can heal and have a healthy relationship. Maybe I’m not wording it right but dear depression would be harmful to you so why allow that for yourself? How do you set boundaries around something like this
Thank you for this😔..I’m recently married and been in a 3 year relationship with my husband prior and saw him struggle with depression and feeling overwhelmed. I have come to realise I cannot fix things for him but have loved him unconditionally and supported him and have shown him great compassion. He found out he has a son who is 4 and this really turned his world upside down. We have only been married for 6 months and prior to this everything was perfect. He still struggled but could cope. Now he has left our home and told me he can’t be a husband and I deserve better and he can’t give me what I deserve, but I know where this is coming from.I am trying my best to give him space and tell him I am not giving up on him because he has shown me unconditional love and all that a partner could do, and I accepted him and embraced him knowing from the beginning he could have a potential child. I was welcoming of his child and wanted to do this with him. He is completely shutting me out and this is completely the opposite of who he is or his character and I know he is struggling. Is there any advice you can give me to navigate this 😔
My boyfriend pushed me away and broke up with me recently; he said because he no longer feels anything with himself, let alone loving me. He just fell out of love with me. He told me he felt overwhelmed, and he needs alone time to focus on himself. He said he is not sure when he will be ready for love again. So, now I’m in a position where I have to be with myself and wait for him since there’s nothing I could do for me. The best thing I could do is try to keep my distance from him, let him be alone. Is it frustrating for me because what if the wait is not worth it? what is he can’t love again or he would realize that he is better off without me? I really love this guy, and it kills me. What should I do?
I experienced this with 2 different girls. I found out that those were happened to be in severe depression from teenage years when they got pragnent and the guy lefted them i dark. They usually show up in a nice appearance and make you believe that they are one you are looking for. Later, they message you, good luck, we cant text anymore, dont message me anymore, etc. The moral of this information is to becareful. First examine the persons behavior and listen what they are saying. If the person is showing any signs of depression, DO NOT take anything personal as it mentioned in this article. It has nothing to do with you. There are many people out there who have became a victim and ended up depressing themselves or even have commited suicide. Be neutural in your feelings when dealing with such person.. Peace..
I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, I stopped taking my meds a year and a half ago when I moved countries with my wife. I ended up shutting down and pushed my wife away and made her feel she wasn’t loved and treated badly. Now she wants a divorce and says she no longer loves me, I didn’t really want to push her away and regret every single moment of it. She does not believe it one bit and is done now. I struggled so hard to keep in our marriage despite how depressed I have been feeling, but in the end got her to want to end it. Seems like a double edged sword and now I am just spiraling even more downhill.
You’re 100% correct. I am a ghoster. I’ve done it throughout my life and I can’t stop doing it. I’m too inconsiderate because my fear overrides my ability to take their feelings into consideration. I always feel fuckin’ shitty about it and it haunts me. I’ve done it to really great people who I felt I actually loved but I have way too many problems in my head that makes me want to say no to that. I can’t function like a normal person so I do my absolute best to never allow myself to get close enough to people to negatively affect them when I end up ghosting them. It probably doesn’t make it better but I don’t feel as bad when I think to myself “well we weren’t close” or “they don’t give a shit anyway”. Maybe they do care but I doubt it. I just hate confrontation and awkwardness. I have been like that as a kid. When I’m at a party or get-together I feel suffocated and awkward so I just leave without saying anything, and not just saying goodbye or something like that, I slip away like a ninja. I’m all kinds of fucked up when I think about it. But there’s nothing I can do it’s just who I am. This is how I am when it comes to relationships. My own insecurities makes me push people away before feeling can happen. And if they do happen I don’t like it, and I ghost them. Change my number, block them, stop all communication. I’ve done it to some really good people and more recently a girl I really liked maybe even felt love for. I felt lIke something bad would happen, she would get tired of me or just not like me for whatever reason, I don’t know I just feel like I have nothing to offer and this sucks.
I am sad and baffled by this, my ex boyfriend brokeup with me, because he felt depressed and though that he will harm me and needed to be alone to get through the depression, he even thought that he might never have a relationship in the future with anyone. I feel really sad about this, he is a wonderful person.
Talking to my wife is like talking to the wall, especially when she needs support. She had two sister one died of cancer and the other had cancer two years ago and is dying of liver cirrosis, propbably from chemo treatment. She doesn’t sleep well at the best of times but won’t take my advice and go to the Doc and stopped earing her wedding ring three months a go for no good reason. Now I keep my distance and let her get on with it and now it is what it is.
The man I love and see as a great and awesome man is going through this and all ive been doing is trying to do is show him how awesome he is and he deserves to be loved back, but he decided today that we should not talk anymore. He said he can’t give me what I deserve right now and I deserve the world and he didn’t want me to end up resenting him. I initially was HURT but I know he thinks he is doing the right thing for me but even if I’m not with him I’m still going to worry. He is seeing a therapist and I’m hoping it’s helps. It’s just hard to not reach out and tell him I’m ok. I do love myself enough to know it’s not my fault, and I just want to be there for him and he don’t have to go through this alone.
My girlfriend is currently so depressed after her dad committ suicide because of depression.we were together almost two years. After her dad suicide she tond talk to me even dont text me. Worst part is now she is in brazil and I’m in japan .. she ask me to break up with her and move on .. I really love her but I couldnt do anything for her 😥
Rachael, you talk about your approach saving your marriage and your sanity. But what happens to your emotional fulfilment, getting love in return, how did you “cover up” this emotional vacuum. One thing is staying sane, other thing is being in a fulfilling relationship based on a healthy emotional “give and take”. How do you deal with that? I would be very grateful for your thoughts.
I wish my husband would understand that he can’t fix this or help me with it. Its not his fault nor his responsibility. In fact, trying to cheer me up makes it worse. Either accept that I feel crappy, or protect yourself, but don’t try to change the way I am. Let me express my feelings, even if it’s awful.
Amazing article, it contains so much good advice, I’m so used to helping everybody else and giving advice, that this is so useful for someone to just say these things to me! And i did feel like it was like someone having a direct conversation with me. Thank you so much. Iv already forwarded it to a couple of people who might find this helpful.
I’ve watched a lot of psychology and relationship content, and done a lot of self-work/had a lot of personal experience along with a smidgen of formal education, and I can firmly say that this is one of the most well-put and high-value resources I’ve ever encountered. Wonderful article. Thank you for making this. I got a lot of great takeaways from this, not the least of which was the fact that I’ve come a lot further than I’d realized in healing my anxious attachment style and am feeling more rooted in security lately than I ever have before. This helps me feel really reassured that I’m well-positioned to handle my developing relationship with a guy who, afaik, hasn’t ever sought clinical help or diagnosis but who appears to experience textbook chronic depression. He’s younger than I am, and I know I’m prone to codependent fixer-ness, so I recognize a lot of vulnerability in him and have my own overthinky fears about harming him by having weak boundaries or misjudging how to be supportive without robbing him of ownership over his own healing … but this advice not only helps me get grounded and fine-tune my protocols with clear specific actionable strategies, but also affirms that I’ve gotten a lot out of my hard work and am in fact relatively well-equipped to engage with him in a way that’s good for us both. I’m sure I won’t do everything perfectly all the time, but I’m feeling really good about my ability to do well enough. Thank you again. 💚
Thank you for sharing this article. My boyfriend is struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. I love him more than anything in this world, and it hurts to see him in so much pain. Recently he’s been pushing me away and asking me to leave the relationship and I felt really sad. But then I watched your article and it all made sense now. I’m doing everything I want to try and understand what he is going through. ❤
I was initially depressed in the beginning of my relationship. I’m feeling better now, past the sadness and my partner is saying that he is now drained, he is now the one depressed and didn’t think it would affect him but it has and he has to end our relationship. He’s pushing me away even though I never pushed him away…..we’re officially broken up and idk what to do. I want to be there for him but he’s pushing and pushing
The most difficult thing about the whole thing is simply that you want to be there and want to help. You don’t want to lose the person. But the person also needs the distance, so how can you help? If you have a problem with that, then there’s nothing you can do about it and you have to protect yourself first. That’s what I did. Unfortunately, I had to delete them completely or go to No Contact. Otherwise it would have ruined me even more. Especially as she once admitted that she once had a casual thing with someone else (probably because something “casual” doesn’t create any tension like a real relationship) and she also apologized for it and then showed a lot that she was serious. Nevertheless, the whole thing destroyed the trust, of course. Otherwise I would probably have given her the distance she needed and still been there for her. But knowing that I’m sitting at home praying for her support while she’s in bed with someone else… no, that’s not possible
My boyfriend of 17 years called me and cried and needed me for several days when his mom was in hospice. The last I heard from him was a text. Mom passed. I expected a call or text and the funeral was planned and over in about 4 to 5 days. He had said he was going to fly me to be there and he was going to get a suit, help his sister deal with things before she passed. I sent flowers. His sister messaged a thank you. I didn’t do it for thanks, I wanted him to know I cared and it’s been two weeks tomorrow and not one text, word or call . Why am I angry and hurt that he won’t let me grieve his loss with him, because I loved her too and I was with him and his parents, when his Dad passed and part of the family for many years. But there was the feeling that I didn’t exist as part of his life or part of the family . I could not and was not asked to be there or I would have been. Just nothing. I feel as selfish and I do upset. I called twice over the last two weeks and sent a message that it cut me deep after about 4 or 5 days of no contact. Help me unravel this .. it’s to the point where I am numb and grieving his mom and told him I was sad and crying and it was like I needed him and wanted him to need me, or allow me to comfort him and deal with this pain together. Of course it is an entirely different level for him and I feel his pain very deeply and lots of my own over the feeling of rejection he does not need me or even act like I am worth a phone call. So here I am .. how can I be like this .
She blocked me changed her phone number two years ago then talked to me once in this period to check on me called me 3 times from masked numbers but i did not saw one the other one was too late and one i answered but was not alone so could not speak. But i don’t live in the same city with her so this is really hard i don’t have a way to contact her.
my gf got SA at the work, where the guy tried to 🍇 her at work. he didn’t succeed, but after experiencing that trauma, she blocked me without anything, she contacted me few days ago and explain to me what happened and why she blocked me, and she told me she love me, she miss me, but she can not be with me, as she won’t be able to touch any man, and than she blocked me again, any help how can i be there with her? i am in long distance relationship, and i don’t want her to go through these suicidel trauma. and i want to support her. but since i am far and blocked. i don’t know how can i make her feel better. or talk to her so she forget about this awful memory.
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and his family member whom he was extremely close to passed away and he was pushing me away for 3 days after and then boom just broke up with me he said he feels depressed and needs to focus on his mental health but before his family member has added away our relationship was fine no issues at all. I spoke with my therapist and she said give him a couple weeks to just get himself together and see if he reaches out. What are your thoughts?
I’m currently going through this with my husband. He was away for work and I saw him 3 weeks ago. Then all of the sudden he told me and my brother in law he wanted to be away for a while. So, he doesn’t want to come home. How do I deal with that? I keep perusal your article and momentarily feel better and understand but then I can’t sleep and anxiety takes over me.
My partner and I are are both divorced and have now been together for 4 years .. her past life and past marriage have caused her trauma . She is on medication for depression/ anxiety .. her mom passed 1 year ago,her sons are going away to college, she will have to move out of her home of 15 years and find a new job .. she is having panic attacks, has begun to question ( negatively) everything including my children and my long term status and plans for our future . Almost as if she wants to push me away, she makes statements like ” everyone is leaving ” everywhere I step is a landmine ” I love her with all my heart and do not want her isolating and believing there is no hope and possibly no future with us . I’m guessing this is her way of coping with her grief and depression. Any thoughts or strategy would be helpful
She always has these episodes where she says she doesn’t want to talk to me and that she’s sad it idk if she’s losing her love for me or if she’s depressive someone please help because when she’s happy she’s so attached to me and i love it but she turns into a whole different person at times and it like I’m speaking to a stranger someone please help me on what to do
I’m going through this now and it hurts like crazy we had a argument and now it’s over I tried talking to her to sort it out but she didn’t want to know she’s now text me after 3 weeks saying I take it we aren’t even going to stay friends so I said I’d like that she said me too but I’m so lost I want to help her get through this awful time
I understand now, why he suddenly doesn’t want to talk to me..he push me away,not because he doesn’t want me,The mistake i do is try to heal him ..After a month he ghosted me, he talked to me,But I was emotional..and he sent me a picture of a bloody towel, and a piece of glass ..he say he had a hard day..I feel very guilty..and don’t know what happened to him .. I cried, bcs dont know what to do..he is far from me ..Your article help me to understand the situation..I need to control my emotions so that my mental health is better maintained..to continue for understand it
When my girlfriend broke up with me she straight up told me it’s because she doesn’t feel anything about anything. She even said I did everything right. She still wants to be my friend but I generally never try to remain friends with an ex. Maybe for this one though it might be the best thing for her to stay by her side
The boy that I’m talking to is going through a lot rn. Today I’ve noticed that he was acting distant and seemed sad. I asked him if everything’s okay and he said he was fine. I asked him again later and he said that there’s a lot of things that he’s going through rn but it’s nothing to do with me. Ik he’s struggling with depression, he takes tablets for it. He broke up with his ex bc of it, because he didn’t want it affecting her and I’m so scared it’s gonna happen to me. I told him if he needs space I’ll give him space, and I’ll be there for him no matter what. But the thought of us parting ways and not continuing out future together terrifies me. Idk what to do..
I just got into a relationship with a.woman who I believe is suffering from depression..this article really helped me understand why she pushes me away. I am trying to be there for her but she says her fear is greater than her need to be in a relationship so not sure if we will make it. I want her to get help but she resists as she says it doesn’t work.
I have been doing this for quite some time now. It sucks. My therapist literally almost shouted at me: “Do you want him to leave you? No? Then STOP.” And I am trying, but I am not always succeeding. My husband has been stressed for awhile, too, and I am convinced that the best I can do is release him of my gloomy presence. I avoid him in order to hide my sad face. I have gone so far, I started to look for small flats for rent… Oof. I really do not know. The thing is, I was always so free around him, I could feel like myself – after growing with a father with BPD, it was a bliss. However, after 10 years of marriage we quarrelled over something minor – and suddenly his reaction was completely different from usual. He shouted at me; I started to cry, but he went on with shouting. After that he gave me a silent treatment for a day. I mean, I understand that people go through all kinds of stuff. I am more than ready to understand and forget. But I can’t. I has not been able to feel comfortable around him since that fight, and it’s been months.
I really need this rn. Reading the other comments helps too We were a pretty new couple and in a long distance relationship (I know sucks). He wants me to go on because someone he loves recently died. He also experienced loss before (and went to therapy) that’s why he’s back in his depressive state. It sucks because I’m fairly new to his life and we’re in an ldr. I can’t do anything to help him or even be in his presence. I feel so sorry…. I just wanna hug him but I can’t… He says he wants to deal with this alone even though I told him I want to support him and I’ll wait for him… But he doesn’t want to…… I feel so hopeless. All I can do is pray for his heart and mental state. Thank you for the tips! I’ll do my best to love and care for myself (also my promise to him) in case he comes back to me, I want to be strong for him.
I feel guilty already as a depressed partner, i hurt him alot even when he tries to be that man for me,,,i see him struggle to put up with me even when I push him away 😓😓😓,,, I’ve been depressed for too long to remember that it has built part of my life 😓 it hurts alot to see my family trying to love me the best way they can and i wish to stay away
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago due to her depression. She said she still love me when she break up with me but now she said she feels nothing for me, like I’m a stranger to her. And she insisted that she doesn’t love me anymore, and it’s her own feeling not due to her depression, because she claim she still have feelings for her family and one of her best friend. She wants me to give up on her because she just doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t want to have any relationship and doesn’t want to get back together. When I try to remind her that how she used to love me, she said she loved me but not anymore . She is on medication for around 5 weeks now but she told me sometimes she forgot and skip it.. and she claim that she is busy at work so she haven’t go to counseling recently..She doesn’t agree that her depression is affecting her thought and emotions and she insisted she knows what she is thinking and feeling. What should I do?
Hi Rachael, I was talking with someone long-distance for about three months. He seemed intelligent, well-adjusted, funny, and kind. For the three months, he messaged me every day and sometimes we texted back and forth or he would call. He was very consistent. In the last month, I noticed he began writing a bit less but still messaged me about every day. He did not seem to engage very much in conversation but still messaged me. He sent me a message one day saying that he felt a bit ‘dislocated from the world and needed to get back to normalcy’. He then called and we spoke for over an hour. He said he did not want to lose me and asked if I would have patience with him. He explained that he experiences seasonal mood changes where it is a bit difficult to do things and that is why he was writing less. He said his normal self is to joke and laugh and that is what I experienced with him for the first two months. He also said that his sister suffers from depression but didn’t think that what he experiences is serious like that. We ended the conversation amicably where I told him I understand and will have patience and wait. After sending a few messages for a couple days after, he did not write over the weekend. On the Monday he said maybe we will chat on Wednesday. He had gotten into an accident where he killed a deer and his car was in the repair shop causing him to commute. He did not call on the Wednesday nor has he reached out since then- over a week ago and it appears he has blocked me.
I find it difficult to deal with a partner who doesnt want to allow the depressive episodes to pass. I often ask for space from my partner when i feel very low because i know during these periods i lash out in anger at her. It hurts when you cant seem to stop yourself from hurting someone you love. And so I try to create that distance, that safe space which she just wont comply with. And the anger gets more, and the anxiety worsens and the depression becomes more profound. In my opinion the most important thing to do when dealing with someone with depression is to care for your own mental health first as your husband says. At the very least then the depressed doesnt wrestle with the guilt of dragging their partner down with them.
As someone who has overcome my own suicidal depression, when I was in that pit of darkness, the thought of having a relationship was the last thing on my mind. In fact, it never crossed my mind because I knew I couldn’t be good for someone and I needed to work on myself. So my question is, why do these people who are so sick of themselves and the world around them think an intimate relationship is a great idea? Are they looking for a distraction from their own mind? If that’s the case, it’s a very selfish thought process. I wouldn’t dare allow someone to step into my life knowing all I ever thought about was killing myself and knowing they would have to shift their life to cater to my negative emotions. Why isolate? Shut down? Threaten suicide and wish to die and expect a partner who’s trying to grow in life with you to sit there and just be fine with it? There’s a breaking point to everyone, and at some point life has to continue on and when you realize how short and precious life is, there’s no amount of love for someone else that’s strong enough to put your own life on hold waiting years for them to (maybe) overcome their own minds.
Even if I’ve given them the gift of loving them unconditionally, and leaving them alone. Is there still a good chance for them to come back..? She ended up cheating on me around the height of the pandemic, after learning that we wouldn’t be able to see each other like planned. We waited 3 years for each other, but covid completely ruined all of our plans. Eventually after settling down from all the drama, she came back again and was repairing things with me. Things were going really well, but unfortunately her health began to suffer even further.. All the love and effort stopped almost immediately, and she ended up pushing me away. Even going as far to say things like you’re gross, you make me uncomfortable, the relationship should’ve never happened, and I’ll still be here but I can only ever see you as a friend. This news happened a couple months later, after we finally had an opportunity to meet. It was very bittersweet and I still can’t tell what she was actually feeling, or thinking that day. Although there was a few signs to indicate something? Even while in her cold/distant state during those 5 hours. I just can’t say for sure. But yeah I mean, you can imagine how hurt and confused I’ve been to hear all of that.. So many different reasons in my head about how and why this all happened, and I haven’t been able to get any word at all from her about it. She’s gone completely cold on me, and this is definitely the longest we’ve gone without talking. It’s been going on for roughly 6 months now.
Girl who I was seeing long distance with times where we were able to spend time together toward the end of the 6-month period we knew each other. It picked up steam in the last month before she abruptly ended it. She has history with PTSD and anxiety from her ex-husband who was very controlling and goes to counselling sessions. We had a good relationship but was a time or two where she was upset when, because of my work wasn’t able to talk to her but with a lot of talking her down was able to sort it out. The other time, before we broke up was suffering a bit of an intimacy issue which she naturally took it on herself as being her fault and not purely mine. She never truly though she deserved me and that i was above her paygrade which was nonsense as she is a beautiful woman in her own right. We spoke on article calls for hours almost daily, laughed and had fun, talked about anything, share so much in common and I fell in love with her. She kept saying I was her person and i believe she is mine as well. Things started to turn for the worst when her grandfather has declined in health recently and in the final stages of care. Her father relatively at the same time diagnosed with cancer. I was her first point of call in all of this when she was down and i listened to her and tried to make her feel better. But when I left to return home a few weeks ago she went silent for a 24-hour period, read all my messages but not responded and when I texted to ask what was going on she said she couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t think straight and wasn’t in a good way and wanted out.
I’m actually struggling with suicidual thoughts cause i’ve made too much failures in my own life that i currently can’t think positive about myself anymore. On top of that my beloved ex-girlfriend (from years ago) just quoted in her whatsapp status yesterday: ”You took the best out of my heart” Somehow I felt every word of it and took it personally. I had to know if she was referring to me or not (felt pointless). So I was starting texting her: ”I’m so sorry that i couldn’t be the one for you.”’ She reponds: ”We were young, don’t worry about it, it ain’t about you 😚 How’s life?” .. Now out of my love to her i PUSHED her away by not responding. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy for her but i don”t want show or share my weakness. But it does add another layer of sadness angry and hate on my miserable life =( Thank you so much for uploading this article Rachael! I’ve never felt so connected with someone who knows what its like to be depressed. Every point you mentioned was so spot on. But i’m not sure if i ever get out of this circle 😥 All i can think of is going to bed and never wake up.
I am struggling with my wife discarded me, it’s been nearly 3 years and so much crap has happened over this time, I have tried working on myself but I keep getting spanners in my progress. I have met so many women and have got on so well with them all but my love for my wife won’t let me go ! I am so wrapped up in her and can’t detach from wanting her, it has sent me so low, ruined my chances of good relationships with really beautiful heart. I just can’t make any sense of it . My ex wife doesn’t give me any closure or even recognise we were ever together, we were together for 23 years moved from my country to hers had two amazing sons bought a home together had fantastic holidays all around Europe. It like a wonderful dream turn into my worst nightmare. I have trouble sleeping or wanting to do stuff. I have lost the man I was .
I’m experiencing this right now, we were so happy and there’s no big problem in our relationship until depression hits my ex boyfriend and broke up with me. It hurts so bad. We have no bad memories, I only have happy memories with him, but I need to move on because he doesn’t want me anymore 😭😭😭 I’m very much willing to help him to go through everything but he pushed me away. 💔💔💔