The post discusses the negative impact of family members keeping an addict cut off after they get clean, with many experiencing this behavior. The author shares their own experience of cutting off friends and family members due to prioritizing drinking and being drunk over anything else. They also mention that some people may push loved ones away due to guilt and shame, as they will fall and make mistakes.
Al-Anon is a great resource for families and friends of an addicted person, offering peer-based support groups to help them learn how to quit alcohol. Quitting alcohol can leave our brains confused and sad, but it is important to believe in the benefits of quitting and set boundaries to avoid causing harm. Alcoholism affects people beyond just the person drinking, including friends, family, and others they interact with regularly.
There is no “right” way to break up with an alcoholic, but there are key things to remember if you want to end things with an alcoholic. Alcoholics tend to end up with just one thing: alcohol. Two common threads in nearly all addictions are lying and manipulation on the part of the person abusing drugs or alcohol. Often, the addict will find it easier to move on to someone new who doesn’t know about their addictions.
Detachment can help you stop enabling and let go of their problem. The enabler feels better because they have protected the addict. Resenting your family member or loved one for their addiction may not be the best approach. The people and places you surround yourself with in everyday life play a role in the damage caused by addiction.
With help, repairing relationships in recovery is possible. However, sometimes, breaking off contact in early recovery can signal a relapse, which can be painful and challenging for the whole family. Dealing with a loved one’s alcohol abuse or alcoholism can be painful and challenging for the whole family, but there is help available.
📹 Cut Toxic People & Friends Out of Your Life Jordan Peterson Motivation
In this video, Jordan Peterson Gives advice on how to deal with toxic people and friends who are in your life. There are more …
What Is The Most Harmful Defense Mechanism?
Chronic denial is a pervasive and unhealthy defense mechanism where individuals consistently evade or disregard reality, often as a coping strategy for trauma or stress. This leads to a warped perception of reality and diminished self-awareness regarding emotions and behaviors. Defense mechanisms, which are unconscious strategies people adopt to shield themselves from anxiety or discomfort, include denial, projection, rationalization, and suppression, among others.
Projection entails attributing negative qualities of oneself onto others. Other mechanisms like displacement allow individuals to redirect emotions from one target to another, often inappropriately. While these mechanisms can be mentally protective, they may also promote immaturity and hinder genuine emotional processing. Not all defense mechanisms are detrimental; some can provide temporary relief and help manage difficult situations.
However, over-reliance on them, especially pathological ones such as denial and regression, can obstruct personal growth and self-awareness. Ultimately, understanding and recognizing these mechanisms can aid in navigating emotional challenges, highlighting which may be constructive and which are maladaptive.
Do Alcoholics Ever Change?
Alcohol addiction is a legitimate medical condition that can improve with treatment, though the path to recovery is often challenging. Change requires conscious effort and active participation, and while some individuals do manage to overcome their addiction, success varies from person to person. Recovery typically unfolds through six stages and may take weeks, months, or years. Prolonged alcohol use leads to changes in brain structure and function, escalating from controlled use to chronic misuse, which is difficult to manage. The terminology around addiction has evolved; the preferred term is "person with alcohol use disorder" to reduce stigma.
The hope for change exists, as many individuals do achieve sobriety, but it is essential to acknowledge that not all alcoholics will change—especially if they refuse help. Living with someone struggling with alcohol use disorder can strain relationships, fostering codependency rather than genuine love, and can lead to significant emotional and physical stress for loved ones. Alcoholism affects behavior, often manifesting extremes in thinking and acting.
Therefore, navigating relationships with individuals who abuse alcohol can be incredibly challenging, requiring support strategies that prioritize self-care, boundaries, and understanding that recovery is a complex process influenced by numerous factors.
How Does Alcohol Abuse Affect Family Relationships?
Alcohol addiction significantly impacts not only the individual but also their family members, including spouses, children, and close friends. Misuse of alcohol and alcohol use disorder can erode family relationships, causing conflict, financial strain, and emotional distress. Families often bear the brunt of the consequences, as parents with alcohol issues may neglect their responsibilities, leading to unmet developmental needs in children.
This dysfunction can foster an environment rife with mistrust, emotional abuse, and even violence, ultimately resulting in the breakdown of familial bonds. The quality of interpersonal relationships deteriorates, with potential outcomes including infidelity, divorce, and estrangement.
Support for individuals grappling with substance use disorders is crucial to restoring normalcy. Each family member's experience is unique, requiring tailored strategies to cope with the ramifications of addiction. Children may face various challenges related to their parent's alcohol misuse, further complicating family dynamics. Addressing alcohol addiction and understanding its effects on relationships are vital to preventing or managing its widespread influence.
Treatment options and family support systems play an essential role in aiding recovery and fostering healthier connections, ultimately working towards rebuilding trust and intimacy within the family unit.
Why Do Some Families Cut Off Members?
Family estrangement is a painful and isolating experience that can stem from a variety of issues, including toxic or abusive parenting, neglect, and betrayal. Many families have patterns of cutting off members during times of disappointment or anger. Experts highlight that these estrangements often develop over time and can be blindsiding for some individuals. A significant portion of Americans—over a quarter—report having severed ties with family members, often due to abuse, financial disputes, or deep-seated disagreements.
Emotional immaturity in family members may also lead children to consider cutting off contact. While some people choose to completely eliminate interaction with toxic relatives, others adopt a strategy of limited engagement to safeguard their emotional well-being. The impact of these decisions is complex; while a permanent split may sometimes be necessary, there are instances where healing is possible.
Family dynamics can force uncomfortable choices, particularly for those experiencing ongoing abuse or neglect. Ultimately, when family relationships become detrimental to one’s mental health, cutting ties can be a necessary step for personal growth and safety.
Why Do People With Addiction Try To Push Loved Ones Away?
Individuals struggling with addiction often push away their loved ones due to deeply rooted feelings of guilt and shame. Despite their love for family and friends, addiction can lead to self-destructive behaviors and a loss of control. The humiliation that accompanies substance use disorders affects people from various backgrounds, causing them to distance themselves as a form of self-preservation.
Many addicts fear rejection and, ironically, choose to reject those who care for them first to avoid the pain of being rejected later. This avoidance can manifest as a defense mechanism against intimacy, particularly if they have experienced past hurts in relationships.
The act of pushing loved ones away might stem from a desire to maintain some semblance of control or denial about their addiction issues. Addicts often feel that they don’t need anyone but the substance they’re addicted to. Strategies like "detaching with love" can be beneficial, offering support while allowing loved ones to let go. This detachment can help restore balance to relationships impacted by addiction.
Ultimately, while addiction causes significant strain, understanding the motivations behind these behaviors—guilt, fear, and hopelessness—opens the door for healing and recovery for both the addict and their loved ones.
What Happens If An Addict Shames A Family Member?
When an addict directs shame towards a family member, it’s often an attempt to project their own pain onto someone they perceive as the source of their distress. Addicts frequently manipulate others through guilt or shame, while enablers, often parents or spouses, may have trouble establishing necessary boundaries. This denial of addiction issues complicates recovery efforts. Families sometimes attempt to manage Substance Use Disorders (SUDs) independently due to stigma, often leading to strained relationships and unmet responsibilities.
The blame-shame dynamic within families exacerbates emotional stress and unhealthy communication patterns. Trust issues typically develop as family members wrestle with their loved one's inconsistent behaviors. Consequently, children in dysfunctional families may internalize feelings of unworthiness. While addiction disrupts family equilibrium, recovery can begin through open dialogue and therapeutic approaches. Families must acknowledge their addiction-related roles and accept the boundaries crossed in attempts to facilitate recovery.
Positive role modeling within the family can motivate healthier living. Shame and guilt often hinder seeking help for addiction and produce a cycle of stigmatization within families. Emotional turmoil affects all members, from partners to children. Encouraging families to seek comprehensive treatment can heal strained relationships and alleviate the pervasive shame surrounding addictions, ultimately fostering a healthier family dynamic.
What Is The Average Age Of Death For Alcoholics?
According to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcoholics have a life expectancy of around 60 years, which is about 12 years shorter than non-alcoholics. Research indicates that individuals who consume excessive amounts of alcohol may lose 4 to 5 years of life expectancy by age 40, with roughly 20% of survival difference attributed to cardiovascular disease. End-stage alcoholism results from years of abuse and leads to severe mental and physical conditions.
The World Health Organization reports that harmful alcohol consumption causes approximately 2. 6 million deaths annually, disproportionately affecting those aged 20 to 39, who account for 13% of such fatalities. In the UK, nearly 9, 000 alcohol-specific deaths occurred in 2020. Alcohol-related death rates have risen significantly, with a 70% increase over the past decade, resulting in 51, 191 deaths in 2022. Most alcohol poisoning fatalities occur between ages 35 and 64.
The final stage of alcohol use disorder is marked by life-threatening health issues, with average life expectancies for individuals with alcohol use disorder ranging from 47-53 years for men and 50-58 years for women, reflecting a reduction of 24-28 years compared to the general population. End-stage alcoholism leads to a further 30-year reduction in lifespan without intervention, highlighting the severe impacts of alcohol misuse on longevity.
Why Do Alcoholics Leave Their Families?
La separación de un individuo con adicción de sus seres queridos es una reacción común, a menudo como mecanismo de supervivencia para mantener la adicción. Pueden evitar que los demás los vean bajo los efectos del alcohol o las drogas por miedo a intervenciones. Tanto si el uso de sustancias inicia como diversión o por razones médicas, la adicción puede desmembrar familias, perjudicar relaciones y destruir vidas. La lucha contra la adicción puede llevar a sentimientos de desesperanza y humillación, afectando a personas de diferentes entornos.
El abuso de alcohol y el trastorno por uso de alcohol pueden deteriorar las relaciones familiares, generando problemas económicos y conflictos que afectan la salud y felicidad de los seres queridos. Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse identifica roles claves dentro de la familia en el contexto de la adicción, resaltando que la enfermedad afecta a todos los miembros, alterando dinámicas y perspectivas. La adicción a menudo provoca desconfianza y resentimiento, resultando en una fragmentación del núcleo familiar y tensiones constantes.
Aunque el impacto varía entre las familias, es evidente que los hijos de alcohólicos suelen experimentar efectos negativos basados en la resiliencia de otros adultos en el hogar. Además, vivir con una persona alcohólica genera incertidumbre y ansiedad, dificultando las relaciones saludables. Es fundamental buscar tratamiento, no solo para el individuo adicto, sino también para restaurar la normalidad familiar y emocional. La desconexión y el establecimiento de límites emocionales son necesarios para la salud de los miembros de la familia.
How Does Alcohol Destroy Relationships?
Alcohol abuse often leads to secretive behaviors that create lies and suspicion, placing significant strain on romantic relationships and increasing the likelihood of breakups. Excessive drinking can negatively impact intimacy and communication, causing responsibilities to be neglected and partners to drift apart. Studies show that alcohol use can disrupt relationships, leading to further conflicts and loss of trust. Alcoholics may prioritize drinking over spending quality time, damaging relationship stability.
Frequent communication breakdowns occur, and the emotional and mental health of both partners can suffer. The toll of alcohol use disorder (AUD) includes lost friendships and estranged marriages, affecting family dynamics adversely. While completely avoiding alcohol isn't the only solution, understanding its effects is crucial. Alcohol can erode joy in life, diminishing the value of non-drinking experiences.
When one partner struggles with AUD, it induces negative outcomes like reduced intimacy and increased arguments. Ultimately, alcohol abuse poses a significant threat to romantic relationships, with approximately half of marriages affected by a drinking problem ending in divorce.
What Is The Most Common Defense Mechanism Used By Alcoholics?
Denial stands out as the most prevalent defense mechanism utilized by alcoholics and drug addicts, playing a pivotal role in how these individuals cope with their addiction. Among various primitive defense mechanisms, regression, deflection, repression, and rationalization are frequently observed. Essentially, these mechanisms hinder an individual's ability to confront their issues, resulting in repeated patterns of self-sabotage. Denial specifically involves rejecting the reality of one's addiction and its repercussions, significantly obstructing the path to recovery.
A comprehensive overview of the defenses adopted by addicts, often instinctive reactions to uncomfortable emotions, reveals how these mechanisms can obstruct acceptance of the addiction's impact. For instance, a functioning alcoholic may assert their lack of a drinking problem, focusing on their ability to maintain job performance and personal relationships. Other defense mechanisms prevalent in addiction include blaming, which involves attributing one's issues to external factors, and undoing, where individuals attempt to negate harmful actions without confronting the underlying addiction.
Further elaboration shows that common mechanisms like avoidance are employed to steer clear of triggering situations or emotions, thus perpetuating the addiction cycle. Understanding these defense mechanisms is vital, especially in the context of interventions and recovery efforts. Recognizing the unconscious processes that enable addiction allows for constructive approaches to counteract these defenses, fostering a path toward acceptance and change. As highlighted in the literature, these insights are essential for both individuals struggling with addiction and those supporting them in their recovery journey.
Why Do Family Members Detach From Addiction?
Detaching from a loved one's addiction allows family members to separate themselves from the ensuing chaos. By establishing boundaries, they avoid emotional, psychological, or financial exhaustion linked to addictive behaviors. Detachment involves refusing to take responsibility for the addict's actions, which helps loved ones escape enabling patterns often driven by the desire to fill a void or alleviate feelings of inadequacy. This process can assist family members in confronting denial about the addiction and prioritizing their own mental and physical health.
Loving detachment creates a supportive environment rooted in clarity rather than enabling dysfunction. While codependents may struggle in unhealthy relationships by worrying excessively about the addict, detachment encourages personal growth and healing for all parties. Although it can feel beneficial to provide support like financial aid, enabling ultimately exacerbates the situation. The principle of "detaching with love" has gained traction in addiction recovery movements, promoting autonomy for both the addict and their loved ones.
It’s essential to recognize that treatment and recovery are individual choices; sometimes, the healthiest action is to lovingly detach. Learning to navigate relationships with addicted loved ones through this lens leads to healthier dynamics and fosters personal wellbeing.
📹 Your narcissistic family tells you this…
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
I had a so called friend. Years ago, I saw clearly that she was not happy for my successes, tried to diminish them and me. Why did I continue to even be her friend? I now cut people like this out almost immediately. Yes, it can lead to a bit of loneliness from time to time, but that’s a better price to pay than being around toxic people.
I had a “friend” insult me out loud, then got angry when I tried to defend myself. I said in response, you shouldn’t say those things to me it’s rude and unnecessary. He said I was the problem by trying to control his thoughts. Completely trying to gaslight me the instant he realized I wouldn’t let him insult me anymore. Pure toxicity, I’m fully done.
He’s right. The older you get, the easier it gets to cut the toxic people out of your life. I had to do it with an uncle that was inappropriate. My mother didn’t want to accept his behavior. But I cut it. She got over it. But nonfamily, too. You don’t have to get into some long drawn out explanation. Just cut it because they know how they’ve treated you or said. You’ll feel so much better. Jordan Peterson is right.
It’s 2:36am and I’m up strolling YouTube because I couldn’t sleep due to having to cut someone off that I had a lot of respect and attraction for, but he turned out to be a person who was fickle about having integrity with his word, he was inconsistent, hot and cold and would say negative things about women in general to try to lower my self esteem. To add, I also have recently made the decision to not contact my incompatible family and ungrateful adult child again so to find this article in my feed was right on time. I really needed to hear all of this to let it resonate with me regarding the decisions I’ve made. I’m sorry to say this, but reading the comments here, I’m glad to know I’m not alone.
Thank you Jordan. I have distanced myself from a friend who started putting me down inexplicably after being very close and her being close to my family. I was baffled and still am but when I tried to speak to her about it she can’t or won’t acknowledge what she did. She is not a horrible person but I have distanced myself from her. She also complains about everything constantly which brought me down.
My “family” is one sided user friendly lying to their teeth fault finding toxic people. I just cut them off, I don’t really care what they think of me. I have sacrificed and suffered a lot, I mean a lot and still they betrayed me. long story short, it was the hardest and easiest decision(s) I have made . ✌️
One of the hardest thing I ever did was to tell my sister who I adored that I wouldn’t speak to her until she had 39 days of sobriety. I could literally feel my hear hurt. Now, 19 years later, we have a relationship of mutual support, love and caring. Dr P thank you for your teachings. You are always spot on.
True all sir. Thank you. Be with like minded people! People who are kind and compassionate. People who brings out the best in you! Positive people!! People of the Light! Narcissists, psycopaths, do not love you. Never will. They ‘love bomb’ you in the beginning … They ‘use’ you! They are jealous of you! They wish you bad luck. They will never change! They have the devil in them! No compassion for humans and animals. None! Leave, run! Save yourself!
It was meant for me to listen to this article today my sister is aiming down so hard. She’s lashing out and blaming everyone for everything that she doesn’t like about herself. And I’ve explained that to her over and over again. And it’s to the point where I might have to end communication with her. As cold as it might sound sometimes you just have to save yourself
… I walked away from my entire family for very good reasons, so doing so was easy for me. Hard experience has taught me the invaluable lessons re: what to do about people who say one thing, but do another. Tough at times, but the resultant rewards are PHENOMENAL. And it gets easier and better as you progress.
“what you’re doing is so terrible that I will violate our kinship to oppose it.” This hit me hard. The best friend I ever had made this decision with me. I resented it for a long time but lately I understand. I was lost and if he came along…he would’ve been lost too. I’m turning back now, accepting responsibility and dying to my old self to become something greater. Thank you Gabe.
Cutting out toxic people and developing boundaries was the best thing I ever did. Wish had done it sooner. Never been happier without the toxic friends and get on with my father the best I ever had in my life. It was a difficult and hard move but so glad I went for it.. I literally had nothing to loose..Jordan Peterson is so right, then you can live your life to the fullest being happier and content!
I am in this situation with my brother who is an alcoholic & is an abusive tyrant. My words fell on deaf ears many occasions. Now I have implemented boundaries, I am no longer being violated repeatedly by his self-destructive behaviours. It breaks my mum’s heart, regardless, my peace of mind in protecting myself from an onslaught of abuse is superior to her feelings.
Ecclesiastes 1:18 – “So I set my mind to know wisdom and madness and folly; I learned that this, too, is a pursuit of the wind. For with much wisdom comes much sorrow, and as knowledge grows, grief increases.” If only everyone respected each other enough to appreciate the meaning of community. People, on a basic level, are all the same. Shame some of them don’t see their own importance, to then truly be it for other people. Thanks for the article.
Was friends with a girl for a year. On and off. She has depression and had an addiction. Being a genuine person, I decided to help. Boy was I in for it. She had mental health issues, poor friends, family drama, divorced parents, lies, manipulation, the list goes on. Miraculously, she cut out the pills and I’m still shocked to this day that she listened to me. There is a nice girl in there, but she needs a lot of therapy to bring it out. It drove me into high anxiety, day after day. The toll on the nervous system is no joke. Leave these people behind. Your body will let you know when enough is enough, if you can’t do it yourself.
I tried to walk away from a toxic person. But she’s connected to one of my family, the rest of my family and I have try to stay away from the toxic person. The toxic person is winning at the moment, hopefully my family member can see and they will also walk away from the person that brings them and their family down.
I have been a PeaceMaker …in my relationship with husband and inlaws for over 20 years. But – no matter how much I tried and loved .. cared. …and tolerated – they broke it all apart with their lies and deciept. I then attempted to be a PeaceKeeper …. but in the end…I had to ‘airlift’ my ass O U T ¡¿¡
Thank you jordan peterson for making me understand years and years of intangiment of family shit I just couldn’t see or wanted to see. I’ve had so many long years with an alcoholic mother with her narcissistic ways put her shit on me and feeling obligated to be in her life despite how she makes me feel in my life. I feel heard and validated. I’ve always been the strong one in my family,not through choice but just that’s my place in my family. I’ve never been able to just cut off and be me without guilt.I can’t ever be vulnerable or vent because it’s not my place.
watching this article and thinking/questioning/contemplating out loud: Do I feel worthy of receiving a partner? Do I feel worthy of being seen, loved, respected, desired? Do I love, see, respect and desire myself? What is my belief system about men? About women? How are men in my world? How do I perceive them? How about women? What is my belief system about myself? How do I carry myself in this world? How do I perceive myself? What have my parents taught me about relationships? What stories have I adopted as my own, about relationships?
There’s this friend of mine she’s my close friend,,she support me in every thing I do,,she help me with so many stuff,,with school stuff but as time goes by she’s changing the way she text me in every thing now I realised all the love,the support she gave me was all fake,,,,so the lesson i learn becarefull whom you choose as your friend even the nicest person change
I cut out a lot of people as I stopped smoking weed and drinking alcohol. They didn’t want me to quit. I always wanted to do music, acting, modeling and art but they never showed interest. Its been 3 Years but today was my second Bandprobe, I am in 3rd semester of Design in Media, now I’ve got friends who love to take Fotos and start projects. I am very thankful for all of that…. Live what you pray ❤
Actually, when someone is panicking in the water and you are trying to rescue them, there is no reasoning with them because they are not in a rational state of mind. That’s useless; you have to knock(literally) them out of that panic state first. Otherwise, you both will drown because they will not let you go. I suppose that would apply in situations where people aren’t drowning. There needs to be a shift in the mind before change is possible.
I am just coming from writing in my journal about releasing my grip on those that care little to none about me, yet I felt I needed to hold on because they’re family… even though they brought me no joy, love, happiness or understanding. Words. I feel like a there is a void… for now. Have I done the right thing? Then, this article shows up in my feed… coincidence? maybe. Affirmation? most likely. Thank You ✨🤗❤️
What I’ve learned is: People who like you want the best for you, but people who love you can not accept any less. They can’t stomach it. They will drop you because they can’t keep perusal you take a lifestyle they see as less than what you are capable of enjoying. It hurts them. Anybody can want the best for you – even enemies… if it means you’ll leave them alone – but people who love you will work to help you achieve it, actively. They can’t help it. They hope it.
Excellent, plain speech always best, even tho’ one often thinks they need to remain a dumb optimist in trying, endlessly to overcome, without conclusive, positive change or outcome. Best go, as far away as possible, as soon as ever possible, while there is still the.opportunity of life !! Enjoy life.
Association with the family it should be a good partnership for real, not to be deceptive …Friends it’s truly hurting if you will know one is stabbing you without your knowledge because a real friend will stand by you and give you a helping hand not a contradiction to fall ……God bless and peace and more power to you Professor Jordan Peterson
When you’re younger, its usually desired to make a lot of friends and maybe even be popular. But when you get older, those desires die, because you eventually reslize that most of those in the big group of friends you have made, arent worth a damn. If you made 100 friends, only 5 out of that 100 are worth your time. Thats what Ive learned the hard way
I was recently asked this question. “Would you ever take your ex back if she saw the light and something clicked in her about you?” My answer was no. My ex played with my emotions and made me feel less than. I was always her second option growing up through school. After a breakup, she’d come back to me and the comfort I was sure to provide because I loved her. In the end, she boiled our relationship down to physical, just sex, and then thought that was good enough. It hurt because my feelings were more than just sex. I could have gone years without it if it meant we had a strong relationship. After that, I was hurt. I self destructed with substances and made sure she knew what I did because our mutual friends knew and made it so I would never be an option she could fall back to again. I didn’t want to pick up the pieces ever again and allow her to come back and apologize and make up. I wanted her to feel like I’d never be there again and that I’m doing my own thing. The reason I bring this up here is because after I told my friend that I wouldn’t want to be with her if she came back, he asked another question. “You don’t think people can change?” The problem is that I do believe people can change. So am I contradicting my beliefs out of hurt feelings, or am I right to have this stance, and are there some things you just can’t come back from?
My wife has mixed antisocial disorder, aggressive borderline disorder; my life is a nightmare, but I feel I can’t leave my children without a father, and the law does not help; they are mainly on the woman side, and honestly, that is not fair. Every single day I’m giving the best, and every single day, I’m humiliated by her aggression, manipulation, deceitfulness etc. etc.; my God, what a life I have..
The people i have met /know right now (apart from my parents and family) are equally or more worthless then a toxic waste (i am not even exagerating) and i am 100000% convinced that they have nothing worthwile to offer to me except to buy my friendship and assistance and wipe their own dirty behind with their own self pity and selfish needs on me, i look forward to leave them as soon as i can and disappear completely from their lifes to find totally new faces, as i am sure as hell i won’t be bothered with any of the ultra toxic old ones no matter the price. I hope to not ever see any of them again anywhere near me in the future and as long as i live. I am repulsed by the thought and fight the urge to throw up just by thinking about them but the effort on my part is fully worth it for them to finally get the “hint” .
One of my problems is that I am a heavy smoker ( of cigarettes) . My parents and everyone else in the family told me to stop smoking . It didn’t help .when I was about 19 in the Israeli army I stopped smoking from my free will for about a year or more till I was put up on atrial because little of my hair touched my army jacket . It was after I was on a 48 hour shift ( in the Israeli Air Force ) I think I was just too tired .We had to clean everything and be clean & tidy. The sweet girl before me received 2 weeks in jail . She was very sweet, shy & with a good heart and very serious about her job & from a top high school . Because she sent a message not coded or encoded . So some armies who were always on our lines trying to break our codes that we had to change very often might have received the message which could had led to dead soldiers & pilots . Me eventually received only warning . Because I wasn’t endangering human life . But before the officer called me in I smoked a cigarette because I was so terrified to be thrown to jail . Since that event I can’t stop smoking . My family background was very traumatic, I was very badly abused and neglected on all levels besides sexually . I was never really seen by my mother . She decided about everything when it came to me and my siblings and she always had to win . She forced which girlfriend i should have at high school, who was the laziest pupil . And was only interested in boys you know for what purposes . I was the opposite, but at home I could hardly study because my mom was screaming and bitting us like a nut case .
I cut myself off from my family over 20 years ago, only to end up in an even more toxic situation, with an individual who is immature, narcissistic, and controlling. I’d walk away if I could, but how do you do that when you have nowhere to go, no one to go to, and you’re too old to start over….what do you do?
I had to cut my mother’s husband out of my life. He’s possessive of her and harassing of me, and interfering, and she won’t do anything about it. As a result I’ve had to distance myself from her as well. She doesn’t even have my address, and I have blocked her landline, as he used both of those to get to me. She stands by him so dutifully, it’s horrific.
What if I need to live with my father because I dont have my own home, and he is and was the most toxic person in my life, but allways was the one who sponsored my studies and work and I only realised this toxic depency about 4 years ago? I feel I should find a way to deal with him because maybe his parents were the same way to him and he doesn’t know how to be better…at the same time, when I feel really down and try to ignore his presence or even respond in a “bad behavioured” way, he will say I am crazy and should go to a doctor because of my “toxic behaviours”.
I have a freind he had ocd I mentioned yesterday to him about a certain topic in a txt and his mum rang me up and told me off and said not too txt him anymore or ring him now he just a big child sucks goodness out of me all the time he has a life I don’t he talks to my girlfriend different talks to me different iam not paranoid he dosnt seem like a freind he just be friended me cause he knew I was badly mentally and he felt better than me and felt like I had nothing and he felt better than that
If you look hard enough even the best person will make a mistake. Nobody is perfect. This toxic thing makes people judge others way more. I’m just saying there is a bad side to this thing. Yes you should cut off person when you’ve tried to reason with them and they don’t listen. I’ve seen more criticism a lot more then what it used to be. I seen more fights. I kind miss the 90’s more now.
This is potentially dangerous advice. I would take great caution in just walking away from people without looking deeply at yourself. Communication is the better answer. Find out why the person is treating you the way they are. You might find that you are doing something that makes them treat you negatively. You might also find a way to help them with their problems. Walking away from your loved ones should be the last thing you do only after exhausting all other pathways. It is to easy to just call other people toxic and shift blame away from yourself.
People are going to behave how they deem fit i know what your trying to do with bobbi altroth the memes etc rocks dont go around trying to drug someone when they did not do anything to you i dont come in your space theres always a reaction and i am not autistic if you are let me know so we can talk about it i dont think i should be followed around constantly on social media why are you so concerned with what i do where i go what i want to do i am 25 years old and i capable of making my own decisions
This is why I’ve had to file for divorce from my wife of 24 years upon learning that she voted MAGA. It hurts so much to hurt her, but while the empowerment of a pathological liar, con-man, rapist, and felon has been wrenching enough to watch, it is the full-throated embrace of nazi ideas, tactics, word choices and plans toward helping with the brutal arrest and deportation of our neighbors (a family whom I have come to love) which REALLY FREAKS ME OUT. I am finding that in order to feel clean in my soul, I have to now make this dreadful cut ending a 24 year story. Not a happy day, but hoping for some cleaner tomorrows.