Prioritizing work over family is a common mistake people make, as it often leads to sacrificing time with loved ones and working long hours. However, spending quality time with family is more important than career-related achievements. Some people thrive on career-related achievements, while others are so family-oriented that their relatives always take precedence over work.
When choosing whether career vs family should be your priority, consider several factors. To make family a true priority, consider taking on a role at work that requires less time and energy, freeing up time for family. Employers should try to offer workers flexibility to meet their families’ needs, so long as the work gets done.
To achieve work-life harmony, it is essential to prioritize both family and career. Balancing work and family can help maintain health and relationships. When we neglect our needs in pursuit of work and family demands, we compromise our health and relationships. However, when we find a harmony between obligations, we can prioritize both aspects of life more effectively.
It is important to remember that work is important enough to support the family, but it should never come at the expense of their well-being. When work starts getting more importance, family suffers. It is just as okay to prioritize career over family for a period of time as it is to prioritize family over career. Fulfilling job obligations as if you are working for yourself, earning time for your family, not the employer, will lead to increased productivity and peace in other aspects of life, including work.
The specific balance between family and career will vary for each individual based on their personal values. Work is not just about feeding your ego but also serves as an income source, enabling you to pay bills and put food on the table. By prioritizing both family and career, individuals can create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| When Work Takes Precedence Over Family | by Jenny Stefanotti | You have to know it’s just as ok to prioritize career over family for a period of time as it is to prioritize family over career. It has to be, … | developingjen.medium.com |
| Your Priority Should Be the Family, Not the Job! | Think of fulfilling all your job obligations in time as if you are working for yourself – earning time for your family, not the employer. | linkedin.com |
| Am I Wrong for Prioritizing My Career Over My Family | If by family, you mean your siblings and cousins – no, you prioritizing your career sometimes is not a bad thing. It’s the way of life. If by … | reddit.com |
📹 What to do when you’re not a ‘priority’ @SusanWinter
Realizing you’re no longer a priority is excruciating. Here are the steps to take that’ll reboot your confidence and create a new …
Should You Prioritize Your Partner Or Family?
Learning to genuinely hear and connect with your partner can significantly enhance both your marriage and parenting. This connection creates an environment where co-parenting is more enjoyable and less pressured. Modern experts emphasize the importance of prioritizing your partner above all else. Although it might seem reasonable to focus on family first, partners are chosen relationships rooted in care and shared values. This prioritization demonstrates commitment and reflects positively on the choices made by both partners.
A strong partnership is essential; placing anyone or anything above your spouse can jeopardize the family unit. In a healthy marriage, your spouse should rank as your number one priority. This prioritization fosters a secure and supportive atmosphere, which becomes crucial during tough times. In blended families, ensuring your romantic relationship is prioritized leads to healthier dynamics for the children.
Advocating for the importance of your partner not only benefits the relationship but positively impacts your children's well-being. Making time for each other, communicating effectively, and recognizing emotional needs are vital practices. Ultimately, balancing family and romantic relationships—prioritizing your partner while also attending to family needs—may foster personal growth and create a peaceful parenting environment, leading to a thriving family life.
Should You Prioritize Work Over Family?
Striking a balance between family and career is essential, though the right equilibrium differs for everyone based on their values and circumstances. Here are five signs that indicate a shift toward prioritizing work over family, along with suggestions for improvement. It's unrealistic to expect a 90-hour workweek alongside ample family time. Most individuals instinctively place family first, especially during critical situations. While some people consciously choose a career over family, others work tirelessly to support their loved ones and still face criticism for their choices.
In the hustle of modern life, achieving this balance is challenging, but many Americans believe employers should offer flexibility to meet family needs while ensuring work responsibilities are fulfilled. Experts assert that excelling in your career does not have to come at the expense of family connections. Some practical tips include letting go of perfectionism, setting boundaries, and creating quality family time. Choosing family over work deserves respect due to the commitment involved and the multifaceted roles individuals often juggle.
While career priorities may sometimes take precedence, it is crucial to foster family relationships and avoid letting professional pursuits jeopardize them. Ultimately, prioritizing family can minimize long-term regrets that arise from work-centric lifestyles.
How Do You Make Family A Priority?
To prioritize family effectively, one might consider taking a less demanding work role, though it can lead to lower income. Establishing clear values allows for setting priorities. Strategies include: 1. Using the Eisenhower Matrix to determine task importance, prioritizing family over work. Regularly scheduling family activities, like shared dinners, helps foster closeness. Limiting distractions like internet and TV usage can create more quality time.
Keeping a family calendar encourages organization and coordination for family activities. Regular family meetings facilitate communication and allow everyone, including children, to contribute ideas for activities. Additionally, it’s beneficial to reflect on personal values and long-term goals, ensuring family time ranks high on your priorities. Also, engaging in one-on-one time and introducing fun activities strengthens bonds. Consider utilizing time management techniques such as time blocking and teaching children these skills.
Making a conscious effort to connect, like calling family members regularly, boosts relationships. Ultimately, prioritizing family means being intentional about spending time together, which contributes to a strong family dynamic. Research supports that prioritizing family enhances familial relationships and unity.
Is It Important To Keep Work And Family Life Separate?
Setting boundaries between work and personal life is crucial for enhancing efficiency and reducing stress, ultimately leading to relaxation and decreased burnout. This separation also benefits employers by lowering turnover and fostering a positive workplace reputation. Balancing professional and private life promotes sufficient rest, fulfills personal and work obligations, and supports mental and physical health. However, some studies indicate that integrating work and home might enhance employee effectiveness.
Maintaining this separation is essential for several reasons: it helps preserve mental health, as one in four people faces mental health challenges annually. Females, often juggling careers and family duties, may struggle more with work-life balance. The impact of work stress can spill into home life, affecting relationships with friends and family. To mitigate this, families might agree not to discuss work issues during personal time and vice versa.
Establishing clear boundaries fosters well-being and combats burnout. While blending work and home can seem appealing due to stronger relationships, sustaining a healthy balance is vital. Protecting personal space and setting limits at work not only improves mental health but also enhances office dynamics. Techniques for achieving this balance include meditation, creative pursuits, and end-of-day rituals. Ultimately, a clear differentiation between work and personal life contributes to overall happiness and health, ensuring more focused and efficient work hours.
Should Career Vs Family Be Your Priority?
When weighing career versus family priorities, many factors come into play, often impacting women more significantly, as they have traditionally primary caretakers. Many American workers (89%) believe employers should provide flexibility for family needs, emphasizing the importance of balancing both aspects. Mothers often feel caught between work and home responsibilities. Notably, some single American women prioritize career advancement, with many willing to end relationships for higher salaries.
Choosing either family or career is a personal decision, with no need for guilt. The key is to maintain clear boundaries between work and family life while acknowledging that both are vital to individual fulfillment.
It’s crucial to remember that family is the foundation of life, supporting career development. Strategies such as setting boundaries, making time for oneself, and sharing personal experiences can enhance this balance. The reality is that prioritizing career or family at different life stages is acceptable, as circumstances and personal values differ for everyone. Success in both areas is possible, while ensuring that personal well-being and productivity are not compromised.
Ultimately, individuals should make decisions that align with their own goals and happiness, recognizing that a harmonious balance can lead to fulfillment in both family life and professional pursuits.
How To Put Family Before Work?
To prioritize family effectively, consider implementing these seven strategies: First, establish a routine by leaving work at a consistent time each day, and surprise your spouse by coming home early once a month. Incorporate self-reflection into your schedule, and practice transitioning from work to home life. If you're running late, make sure to call ahead. Occasionally, arrive at work later than usual and disconnect from technology when at home.
Signs you're prioritizing work over family may include difficulty enjoying both aspects of life; recognize that successfully placing family first can enhance job satisfaction and performance. Set clear boundaries to separate work from home, and dedicate time exclusively for family activities without distractions. Involve your family in planning and problem-solving to strengthen connections, while remembering that family takes precedence in emergencies.
Creating a nurturing environment fosters lasting relationships. While it is acceptable to prioritize work when necessary, it’s crucial to reassess your priorities regularly. Ultimately, family relationships enrich life’s experience, offering support through challenges. Embrace the belief that "family first" leads to a balanced and joyful life, fostering both work productivity and deep family connections. Prioritize wisely and cherish your loved ones.
Is Work Or Personal Life More Important?
In today's fast-paced world, achieving a healthy work-life balance is crucial for overall well-being and productivity. A blurred line between professional responsibilities and personal life can lead to stress and burnout. Work-life balance is not merely about managing time but integrating interests, resembling a Venn diagram of overlapping lives. It enhances physical, emotional, and mental health, contributing to creativity and growth. It is essential to set boundaries in the workplace to foster satisfaction and well-being, as studies show that long working hours significantly increase the risk of anxiety and depression.
Thus, balancing work and personal life, with a ratio like 60% personal life and 40% work, is recommended for a fulfilling existence. Prioritizing personal well-being over career advancement can lead to long-term happiness. A balanced approach encourages individuals to seek jobs that allow for personal time and fulfillment, rather than succumbing to the pressures of excessive work. Valuing life beyond the job is vital for sustainable success.
Effective work-life balance not only increases career prospects but also strengthens interpersonal relationships. Ultimately, thriving in both realms is imperative for a rewarding and productive life. Learning to navigate this balance can lead to substantial benefits both on and off the clock.
What Does The Bible Say About Prioritizing Family Over Work?
The Bible emphasizes the significance of family and maintaining balance in life. Ephesians 5:25 advises husbands to love their wives selflessly, similar to Christ’s love for the church. This underscores the importance of prioritizing spouses after God. While the Scriptures do not provide a detailed ranking of family relationship priorities, general principles guide us. God is paramount, followed by family—spouse, children, and parents. Work also plays a critical role, and the Bible encourages us to apply ourselves diligently at our jobs (Colossians 3:23-24) as a form of loving our families.
Additionally, it is essential to balance family commitments with work and church responsibilities, acknowledging that God should always come first. This balance can often be challenging. By seeking God and prioritizing our relationships—our spouse before work, and children afterwards—we can cultivate stronger family bonds while fulfilling our duties. The focus on family does not preclude involvement in the church or community; instead, it promotes a holistic alignment of priorities.
Scripture provides wisdom on these themes, guiding believers to love and care for their loved ones while managing familial roles, ensuring that God remains our primary focus in all aspects of our lives.
Should I Prioritize Work Or Relationship?
Working excessively can lead to missing out on life, especially in terms of nurturing relationships. Quality time with your partner is vital for a healthy relationship. It requires both partners to prioritize one another's feelings, goals, and dreams. While establishing a career may seem pressing, particularly when starting out, relationships should not be neglected. Healthy relationships function as true partnerships where both individuals feel valued and respected.
Prioritizing each other involves emotional investment and effort, acknowledging that no relationship survives on autopilot. Signs that you may not be a priority can often be discovered by checking in with one another, fostering open communication about feelings and experiences. Balancing career ambitions with relationship needs defines long-term personal happiness and fulfillment; hence, investing time in your partner can yield significant rewards.
It's important to manage time and commitments; opting for work-life balance ensures you don't sacrifice your partnership for professional success. You deserve to be a priority in your partner's life, just as they should be in yours. This balance is crucial for maintaining a healthy dynamic; choosing to prioritize relationships does not mean neglecting career aspirations. Prioritize being emotionally available and supportive in your relationship to foster growth and connection.
Should Your Career Or Partner Come First?
Prioritizing your marriage is essential, as relationships require effort. Working long hours shouldn't overshadow your partnership. Your partner must remain a focus, even when fatigue sets in after a day at work. If you find yourself contemplating leaving a satisfying job for a relationship, resist that urge. While some might argue for prioritizing love, neglecting a career can lead to relationship troubles. Balancing both is vital; a fulfilling career supports personal growth, but so does nurturing a partnership.
To ensure harmony, career decisions that impact your relationship should involve open discussions, weighing both the advantages and challenges. Couples should collaborate to meet emotional needs, recognizing that healthy relationships positively impact productivity and overall well-being. Love is invaluable, and a balanced approach can foster marital harmony, even amidst dual careers. However, one should not dismiss career aspirations for love alone—personal goals should also receive attention.
Communication about career desires with your spouse is crucial for mutual understanding and support. Ultimately, both partners should prioritize each other while pursuing their ambitions, creating a strong foundation for both love and personal success. Balancing work and marriage is challenging but essential, and prioritizing love can enhance both personal and professional growth.
📹 Is Your Spouse Your First Priority? MarriageToday Jimmy Evans
God’s Word tells us to leave or “let go” of our parents when we marry. This is never an easy task. However, as Jimmy Evans …
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re having to compensate for their absence? Sure, you shouldn’t rely on them for happiness but they should be able to recognize your needs and meet those needs, or at least make a compromise. I guess bottom line, both partners need to be at the same level in terms of prioritizing each other.
Realizing that I was clearly not a priority in my person’s life, but not wanting to end the relationship, I decided to give him the space he apparently needed. I went back to enjoying and getting on with the other aspects of my life without totally disconnecting from him. Turns out, he didn’t like that very much.
Great advice! Doing this will either make your partner give you more of their time OR make you realize that you deserve to be with someone who can give you more of their time and exit the relationship. In my case the latter happened. After months of talking it over with my partner, and being patient and ‘doing me’, the situation did not improve. I was constantly bending to fit into his world. Even though he made a couple of improvements it simply was not enough for what I wanted at this time in my life. First I thought I was being clingy or needy, but thank goodness for good friends who told me that it’s ok to want to be with someone who has time to give. I was becoming anxious and insecure as a result of not having my needs met. This just made matters worse. Be true to yourself! There’s someone out there for everyone ❤️
This is so helpful!! Feel like I’ve given up loads to see my boyfriend and I’m always there if he wants me or needs me but he’s always out busy and I’m having to work around his busy life!! I’m going to do things I love and get myself busy and he has to step up and realise I’m not going to be “on call”
I feel like I am not a priority, and it took me a while to figure this out.. he has a busier schedule than me, i understand he can’t give me time and attention all the time. But when he is free, he makes excuses that he is tired, “oh sorry I was busy hanging out with my family or “I could only call you when I’m about to sleep”, “sorry I didn’t text you back”. Then it starts with the no good morning/ goodnight texts. Then it turns to him not even Apologizing and turns it around on me saying I’m selfish for wanting attention. When I have been nothing but patient.. it’s excuses after excuses especially when we plan things and ‘then something comes up’ then why can’t they break up with you? Why can’t these types of people just end it..???
Good points, Susan! My mom was brilliant at marriage. She worked, though my dad made a decent income. She maintained friend- ships with other women. She would take a break from my dad for a week or two each summer to visit her parents in the country. She started a sideline sewing kit business. She had home hobbies such as upholstering furniture. She hosted bridge parties at the house and cooked delicious foods for the guests. She and dad attended church weekly and would often go out to eat with friends afterward. She never acted jealous or insecure around Dad. She would pop the kitchen towel at dad to tease him. Brilliant!
absolutely right, love is a part of life, its not your life, we are known for what we do or for our purposes in life and not for who our partner is, when you give so much importance to someone you are obsessed over them coz there is nothing important in your life rather than your partner . In simple words – get a life
Thank you so much for posting this! For the past couple of months I’ve felt this way with my girlfriend of 10 months, and after these past couple months of banging my head against the wall, trying to communicate solutions, I’ve finally realized that it is not anybody else’s fault that I feel this way except for mine. I did this, I made this happen, and now I can fix it. And I’m honestly so lucky to have a girlfriend that hasn’t just abandoned me through all the tears and struggles of this dilemma. I couldn’t have found this at a better time (yesterday was a day of frustration and tears and anxiety) Ms. Winters, thank you oh so very much
My best advice is to get so lost in improving yourself and going after your dreams that you just no longer have time for people unless they really matter to you and you make the time for them. I would drop anything I’m doing for most of my friends and women I’d like to date. Rarely can I say they’d do the same for me and I realized I should distance myself from people like this.
You are a badass for advice. After a month of awesomeness, my girlfriend pulled back very abruptly. After a week we talked about it. She said it’s a short phase… it’s been 3 weeks of her being like this… she says she’s stressed and super busy, yet she could make time before. My best friend told me what you have in this article plus one caveat, don’t message or call her, make her initiate conversation to see how she really feels. Once she messages me game on but hold your feelings back and only meet her level of her emotion. I know it sounds like playing games… but I’m really trying to gauge how she really feels and to see if she isn’t just to cowardly to breakup with me. Thanks for the article Susan. 👍
Recently I broke up with a group of friends. We used to talk everything everyday every night and be there all the time. But things changed as they are having a different group of friend and in relationships and we did live far away from each other. We didn’t talk as much as last time anymore. What I get is shorter or no reply when I hope they’ll be there for me like last time. Yes we still talk but most of the topics are about their life/stories and I feel sad most of the time. I know that we drifted away and I am no longer their priority. The pain of having expectations and hoping we can talk like previous time is killing me day by day. In the end I quit the group in order to protect our friendship and try to free myself from the pain. Now I am trying hard to refuel myself and to build up my life once again without having the expectations of being their priority anymore. I hope I can do it although I am still struggling now. Thanks for the article, it was helpful.
The argument my ex and I would have consistently was about her friends being an equal priority to me. There wasn’t a hierarchy where I came first. In her eyes, both me and her friends were all important to her with no real distinction. Are friends important? Yes. But the person you’re with should come first and not have to compete for your time. What made it frustrating to me is that I’d make plans ahead of time, and her friends were very last min. So their “invites” would constantly get in the way, and she never wanted to tell them no.
But hang on….if I am to find ways to make my self “happy” then whats the use of having a partner/husband/wife? My understanding was that being in a relationship meant to be doing things together which brings us closer. Doing things separately is fine only for certain things and certain times but one should not totaly ignor a spouse….and move on in pursuit of ones own “happiness”. This will surely make each one immune to each others needs and stay separated until the day they wake up and realise that they have noting in common and are just two people leaving under the same roof …but with no emotional connection or committement. Here they will make a decission to get a divorce. A not so good out come for a “till death do us apart” part. I didnt see any advice here to “try this to make things work” but moving on does not “fix” a troubled relationship, it kills it. Please Susan shed some light on this?
Hmm… not a priority huh? that is a self centered cold hearted narcisist… don’t become a “WhatNot” a collectible that is a temporary interest… in otherwords something that sits on a shelf waiting to be remembered… oh i haven’t paid attention to this for awhile let me dust this off admire it for the moment and put it back on the shelf to sit scenario… treat them like you would holding a “HOT POTATO” —- Drop’em move on
Had to listen to this article twice! I found you after a search for How to Date an Entrepreneur. You read me like a book! I stopped everything that brought me joy (exercise, hobbies, exploring the city) in order to make room for the relationship. (really…him) In the end, I wound up making him the center of my attention and my primary supplier of happiness. I look forward to getting back to leading my own self care, getting A LIFE again and am excited to see what comes from that.
I feel like I was meant to see this article. Last night I had a dream where my sister was telling me that in order for my partner to continue to want me I have to have that allure. I’ve realized that I’ve lost myself in my relationship awhile ago so hearing this also helps keep me on track to getting myself back.
I find communication to be a solid first step in solving most problems. Not just voicing your displeasure but trying to understand how the other person is feeling or if anything has changed. Assuming you are not a priority just because you don’t “feel” like one is a mistake. People are different and view the world differently. If you have lost touch with how your partner sees the world, assume you do not matter as much to them, and as a result distance yourself then just end the relationship. No one can read minds. Last note; before you bring up how you feel understand what it is you want. Otherwise, man or woman, you’re just bitching.
I am so glad that I found this article. My boyfriend and I are both older teenagers, and this was my first true relationship ever (5months). I’ve known for a while that I really do love him, but at the same time feel like more of a convenience to him. It was really apparent when after not seeing him for a month (because of more work hours during the holidays, which I was understanding about), he decided he’d rather spend time with friends of his than trying to make time to spend with me. Or the fact that I’m the one setting aside time every week to hang out, or I’m the one with the driver’s license who took him everywhere, or I’m the one who has to initiate affection or clean his room or whatever. I’m so sick of being with him and seeing my friends with relationships that seem so much more active than mine.
Wow! This is the first time I have watched several of your articles 🤗 I think your outlook and your responses to relationship issues are amazing!! Your real and Very Classy! It is so important for us women to remember our self worth.. Somany forums and relationship advisors you hear, leave you like are you serious might as well be a mans or women’s doormat. For both men and women you deliver self worth, respect and building self esteem. All fundamentals which are nessary for healthy relationships❤️ Thank you so much your articles have helped me…
I damn appreciate wat u said…..thanks a lot mam …..really….. I was so lost…every thing was very good in the beginning, I was on top of her priority list but then suddenly just after a month things started to change,now I’m not even on her priority list….I was very much frustrated from the last week but now after perusal this article of urs I feel like having my confidence back…and I’m gonna follow exactly wat u said.. from now on…….thanks a lot mam……
I also feel the same. That I’m no longer his priority. I thought it was because of me..so i poured more love, i poured more time for him..but he doesn’t just appreciate my efforts. He took me for granted…yeah it didn’t happen suddenly but slowly. I made complaints but he doesn’t care. Whenever i needed him emotionally, he was rarely there. He says he’s busy and he has got a life of his own so i just wanna say don’t have I ? But this feels so good that I’m not alone. I put this person on the top of my priority list and all i got was hurts and snobs. Well, it’s all good. Niw it’s high time to love myself betterly again and to prioritise my goals, not people. Thank you Susan for this article.
OMG! Susan you are the voice of reason! You hit the nail on the head about this subject and everything you mentioned is happening to me right now! It’s time I focus on who I was and what I did before I allowed this person to occupy so much real estate in my brain and in my heart. I would love to hear more from you on this topic. Thank you for your insight and wisdom!
This happened to me and had to leave my relationship as I felt like I was losing my sense of self and purpose I need to go through this journey alone. I share great memories with this person but feelings were not reciprocated back at times and it made me feel insecure and not worthy enough for their attention especially when I get replies days later to messages. Looking back the way in which I ended things was cowardice as I was in a scarcity mindset and feared reliving that face to face scenario in my head in terms of breaking up in person. That’s one thing if I could turn back the clock I would do. I was to codependent and my gut was telling me I couldn’t continue like this.
Words will not be enough to say thanks to you for this article. I had watched many of such articles.. All made me worried if I would loose him.. But this is the first that makes me feel like I will get myself back I would not be seeking for him to make me happy.. I’ll regain my hobbies my life my happiness. I don’t wish to nag him any more 🙂 he would always be mine if he really meant to be with me. Once again thanks to you from the depth of my heart 🙂
I BARELY saw my now ex! He constantly prioritised everything and everyone before me. I started writing down every time we saw each other and quickly realised it was 7 times a month. 1 meet-up would be 2 hours in one evening. I asked for more time. So we would try and pre arrange certain days to see each other. I started to be less available and focused on myself more, seeing as he was so focused on himself. But if I wasn’t available, he would make me feel guilty. Or throw it back in my face and say ‘Well you wanted more time, now you’re unavailable’. We arranged to see each other one evening and he chose to cancel to see a female friend instead. Openly choosing to prioritise HER instead of me. A 2 hour drive. It’s not the fact that he was seeing a friend that hurt me. It was the fact he CHOSE to go out of his way and prioritise HER! I ended the relationship. I’m tired of asking men for the bare minimum.
I used to cut these types of people out of my life immediately but then I realized that this only made my need to find someone that does make me a priority stronger. A want what you can’t have predicament. It wasn’t until I started to feel indifferent about them and realize they can be a part of my life in other healthy ways I can use to learn and grow from that I started to really prioritize my own growth. As I grew within, those who once did not see me as a priority saw the growth in me and then wanted to be around me more
Been dating this girl for about a year now, i admit that i was clingy to her and at first she’s go along with it but over time the “excitement” from her reply were slowly disappearing. She told me once that i need to love myself first and she would like to not lose herself, at that time i still hasn’t fully understand what she meant by that but now i guess i’m know. The thing that kinda “snap” me out of this delusional is she recently become friends again with her bff (they got into a fight for about 2 years and i came along and having relationship with her during in-between those year). The priority were 100% shifted to her bff and i was just there standing perusal them enjoying their best time although i was the one who supporting her (technically, giving her emotional support) all this time. Until recently we got into a little fight she admit that she would choose her bff over me because i do not understand her, but she do say that she still loves me and would like to continue the relationship. I’ve take some distance from her and doing more things that i used to enjoy like working out and perusal my favourite show. It works for a while and she do actually care about me like wishing me goodnight before sleep and offering to pick me up when i got back from work. But that also didn’t work for a long time, for the past 2 week (now 31st July) i been in this constant overthinking & depress on what should i actually “need” to do in this relationship, the more i’m trying to “forget/enjoying myself” the more i remember and miss her.
I have been with the same man for almost 5 years now and we have been living together almost 5 years as well! He never makes me a priority unless it’s more convenient for him, and he never listens to what I have to say when I try to tell him what has been upsetting me! I have come to realize that he is one heck of a narcissist! He controls me and treats me like a child (telling me that I can’t use the only vehicle we have together when it’s in MY name and he has no driver’s license, telling me when and where I can work running karaoke)! Yes… he paid for it to be put in my name, but that’s not the issue here….the issue is that he is controlling what I do, what I say to other’s, how I cook the meals, how I fix things around the apartment when I have fixed things on tons of occasions, and tells me that I can go to karaoke but he doesn’t want to go with me…then he turns around and gets in the truck to go with me! He has lied on many occasions to me! When it’s time for me to run karaoke, he tells me that he hates that bar and he don’t wanna go so I tell him to not go then! I’m a big girl….I can handle my own! But yet he still refuses to let me go by myself! I think he’s more concerned about me finding another man! If he’s that concerned then maybe he should think about the way he’s been treating me and change that part of his life instead of assuming I will do something like that…which I never would because that’s not my style! I would leave his ass before I cheated on him and he knows it, but to me it seems like he’s pushing me to the point of trying to see if I WILL cheat on him with someone who treats their woman like she should be treated!
When you express is your feelings to that person, they think you are being negative, they wouldn’t even acknowledge that you are hurt they just invalidate your feelings. Every night you go to bed thinking if you still matter in their life. This can be a best friend/partner/spouse. As rightly said in the article you weave your life around them, they just take you for granted.
He prefer his friends more than me and when I share my problem with him he is like I will not repeat it m sorry but next day he again do it Nd doesn’t send me a single text until he is done with his hanging out and I feel left out all the time Nd desperate to tlk to him don’t know what to Do we r together from 3 years I love him allot and I know he also do But don’t know why is he behaving in such way
Newlywed here 🙋🏾♀️ I didn’t like to hear this bc I feel like we should prioritize each other but I’m realizing how much smaller I’ve made my life since getting married in 2020. The pandemic didn’t help. I prefer to be with him and do things together but I guess that’s not realistic to think it will always be that way.
I wish I saw this article way earlier. I mean this feeling of loosing the sense of being special made me do the things I would not do normally. I expressed my insecurities or needs but it did not help, my ex-partner responded to me more defensively instead of being compassionate. I got jealous and insecure… I expected to get approval from my ex-partner but I see that there is nothing to do with her. I should have just let her be and re-create my personal environment. This feeling was a great sign of my dependency and unbalanced social life.
OMG!!! This was what I actually realized when i felt miserable because i lost all the attention that he once gave. haha! I made him my main source of happiness which i thought was unfair for the both us but mostly unfair for him tbh. He’s actually making an effort to be with me (we are doing a LDR) so yeah. Thank you Susan! I already know that I am on the right path when i decided to engage on the things that I used to love but this article really empowers that decision. Thanks again!!
Every time I felt a girlfriend was giving up trying. No longer trying for ne/us. Distancing themselves or seeming uninterested. When I’d go quieter, less contact, less chasing, less everything. All of a sudden they’d come chasing after me. Nearly every time. When they know you’re walking away, suddenly you’re more valuable than ever!!!!
Thank you Susan! Not Keeping my engaging life and allowing my BF’s life to eclipse mine: This is why i broke up. This was my mistake- now we may reconnect and will be going slowly. Friends first hopefully. This feels right to me, so I don’t lose myself in him while living my life and keeping myself open to other relationships. I sure hope I can do it. Thank you! -Kate in Hells Kitchen
Thanks Susan for your great tips… for all beautiful hearts who goes nc for good,Take a deep breath n think, that your happiness shd not be in someone’s hand…n yes nc helps a lot to recover(this is the main benefit of nc),and as time passes u will understand and sometimes feel bad on yourself that why we are after such a person who plays games(Good heart never ever plays games) with us…walk daily, exercise,it will help u out of tensions…and do remember NOTHING is BIGGER than the SELF RESPECT…Go nc and even if your ex comes back says no gracefully…try this…
Yes, I think this is an astute observation. In setting aside those things that once gave you happiness to make room for your love interest, not only does your happiness come from fewer and fewer places, but you can become a different person as a result; the factors in the equation of attraction change, as a result, and the attraction itself may weaken, or disappear altogether. Certainly I would be a less interesting person if all I ever did was spend time with my woman – am I right? Of course. A whole person must be multifaceted; resentments can develop when you devote all your time to your other half and lose the interests, activities and skills that have been maintained and developed over a lifetime, which exemplify that part of you that actually makes you unique and interesting and maybe even mysterious.
This is what is so hard, my wife has pretty much shut me out of the marriage. We are @ over 2 months of “Space.” I have so many emotions running through my body the last couple months. She has pretty much gave me the BS crap that she “Needs to find herself.” She is a mother and a wife of 8 years and now she’s acting like she is single. She has taken all the power in this relationship. She has pretty much gone out every other weekend for almost 3 months. She doesn’t want to be by each other on the weekends. Everything that I’ve tried hasn’t worked. We’ve been together a total of almost 16 years with 8 of marriage and 3 kids. I’m starting to resent her a bit. I don’t know what to do. We’ve done some counseling but it hasn’t seemed to work. She has mentioned that she has checked out. How can someone do that to a marriage and 3 kids involved? She pretty much does what she wants these days and I don’t know how much more I can take. We are still under the same roof and it’s hard to not to try and talk to her but it’s the dumbest talks we’ve ever had. No communication what so ever. I try to tell her “Good night” “How was your day?” ETC and it’s like I’m talking to a wall. I have lost some weight during this time but I want her back and I don’t know what to do anymore. We are almost at 3 months of no sex and I found a vibrator yesterday. Any advice people would be great. It’s like I know what to do but can’t do it somehow. I did join a gym BTW.
My girlfriend and I have been off and on for years. I’ve constantly sacrificed my health, finances and happiness to keep her happy. Any time I want to do something I want to do, she tells me I don’t care about anyone but myself and that I don’t care about her health when I’ve done so much to care for her and love her. My parents hate her and don’t like her coming to our house. I help pay rent, utilities and food as well as my own expenses. She recently got a new job at a grocery store and has started ignoring me more often then getting mad when I’m upset. I’m unhappy but I feel like I can’t leave after taking 2 years worth of verbal and physical abuse. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for weeks.
I’ve done that, I’ve started drawing classes, gymnastics, and I might start signing. But it makes me feel the same, he says, “well done that your doing things” and nothing else, he does whatever he wants and never does anything for me or never wants to see me and when he does it if seems like he does it only so that I’m not sad.
I have a bf inwhich we are both very busy. However, he has,” OCD.” And, it takes up a lot of his time. He, calls me on a Sat at 12am and doesn’t get to my house till 8pm, he used to get to my house at 2pm. In addition, I have animals and children so my house is not perfect. He, has been finding fault in something new every time he comes over lately. And, I feel judged. Furthermore, I keep a clean home and my friends always complement my home and my decor. He, finds projects to do and does not have the time to fix them w me. I told him last week when he called I texted him I am busey and the next day as well. I told him the last week I seen him he doesn’t live w me or pay my bills so he needs to go home to his mommy because I had enough of him making me nervous and uncomfortable. My next move is call block suggestions
He added a lot of dopamine rushing excitement. Raised my life to wake UP C.J. You are not dying from a boring life of lonliness. There was NO BODY TO BE LIGHT-hearted with before. The amazing ENERGETIC young man WOKE MY SENSES UP!!😃 i said to my inner child: ah ha we may have found some LIFE on this PLANET EARTH!! Magnitism in BG.s. VOICE His LAUGHTER IS CONTAGIOUSLY FUNNY😅😃😄😘😃 The PLAYER IS SO FUNNY!!!😎😃😄😅😆😏
I was afraid to walk away from my girlfriend for fear that she would see someone else as soon as she got bored. Since she is a recovering alcoholic, I feared that by me being away that she would relapse to her drinking and then like most narcissists do, she would forget I existed and started to see other men. Because of this fear, I dedicated all my time to her and helped her during her times of need. Now she is extremely moody, angry, and any conversations about feelings leads to arguments since she does not like talking about us. I have been wanting to move on to a better life but just fear leaving her alone with anxiety and depression. UPDATE: She had been planning to leave me and try to date her therapist. He has been encouraging her to be single and she is obviously smitten by him. I saw her one afternoon with the new guy and this time she was not moody, angry, nor rude. This obviously broke my heart but I knew it was coming. Now trying to move on but angry that she does not appreciate my help when she could have ended up living in her car.
That was my biggest mistake! I stayed behind every day for almost 20 years! I am a very miserable woman. Everything I do is a lie. Every smile… Is a lie because I am not happy. My children are in the same same path, because I always treated them like if they were in a pedestal. My needs are never considered useful. I don’t have plans for the future, because I don’t feel like I will have a future… I feel like for me it’s pretty much over. I don’t have the courage to walk away and start a new life..
Hi Susan, I am not in a relationship with this guy that i am talking to, he never text first anymore i always have to text, he said he stopped calling because he is not ready for a relationship so he thinks if he calls that would mean he does. He says he is having problems being emotionally unavailable and selfish. He was calling and texting me but stopped what do i need to do? He says he wants just be friends right now… I keep getting friend zoned!
I am not a priority in her life any longer. I screwed up saying I didn’t want to get married or move into a house we planned to buy during a day of insanity on my part. We had planned to marry just a few months from when I said this and i totally love this woman but shattered her trust in me. Since then she moved out bought her own house and lives 100 miles away. I have been able to see her for one day a week during the day only and we used to talk. Couple weeks ago I sensed her pulling back. When you have been together for over 2 years you know the other person. She wanted a break in our relationship. WTF does that mean? No idea but I assume that what she really wanted was distance and time not to try dating someone then seeing if I would still be around. She finally admitted that what she wanted was time. I sent a terrific email telling her what our life would be like together. She replied back that she appreciated me being patient and that she wants the same thing with me. However she needs to understand how she feels about all this to be sure she can trust me or not which is the entire key to our relationship. Its only been a few days but she is about to head out on a cruise I bought for us joining her family, a really nice suite. I forwarded the cruise line info to her as I have been doing for months. I was replaced and a family member is taking my place. She has never acknowledged since I had my day of insanity saying what I did that she appreciated the very upscale cabin I got.
If you are not a perfectly healed person, not being someone’s priority may be hard to navigate. DO NOT COMPLAIN. Instead, and based on one of your articles, say this: Instead of I feel like I’m not your priority: 1. I’d like to feel closer to you. I’d like to have a more meaningful connection to you. I’d like to experience more of you… and your closeness and presence. 2. BUT in order for that to occur I’d need to see you at least twice a week (or whatever it is, reasonably) and have a more fluid interaction when apart. I am going to use this approach next time I talk to him. For now I’m in retreat mode for a couple of days (I told him so) as I needed to recentre myself. By doing so, I realised that I do want him (I refuse to run away due to fear of hurt) but I’m not for free.
You don’t owe anybody anything you don’t owe someone prioritization nor should you expect it learn how to grow up and look at things how they are..at the same time you shouldn’t let anyone treat you like shit and if you stay that’s your fault time cannot he wasted waiting on things go and live your life everyone gets what they deserve everyone will get that person who makes them feel special
I never put him on a pedestal. I kept my life before him going. I simply asked for connection time and he said yes we should find time for us but he never followed through. I kept try and sometimes it was successful and more often it did not because of his am busy at work or some other excuse. I got the picture after a while and called it quits after he put car washing ahead of giving me an agreed call slot. I was done and left. I know my worth.
My situation sucks because I’m married and still not a priority. He’s had his now 25-year-old son living with us the whole time we’ve been together. But he kicked my children out when they were 17 and 15. I’m a cardiac patient and he didn’t ever pick up my heart meds because each time, “the line was too long at the pharmacy.” He and his son use drugs (they love opioids) and they spend all their money on that and my husband hides money from me because of it. I have to give him the coins from my coin collection just to buy food for my dog! He made sure I lost my license and that was my livelihood. But every time I get money (birthday gifts or whatever) he “borrows” it and I never get it back. I told him every time, I need that money to get my license back! But he doesn’t care. He’s pawned all my jewelry and then when time came to pay the loan, he didn’t pay it but lied to me and said he paid the interest and will get the jewelry next month. Then I find out the jewelry has been sold by the pawn shop. But he didn’t always do that. Just started not caring after awhile. I don’t even have a wedding ring…
I wish you had time for me I wish you cared for me Like other men care for their woman I was always on the last for you Nothing ever mattered for you, my tears, my complaints, my fears, my concerns I dont know why you treated me like this I wonder if you will ever love me I wonder if you will ever care All i ever wanted was your time I think i asked for too much But im a human I can’t live without love I can’t hurt myself again and again You made me leave you Because i was a no one in your life You never owned me Barely had time for me Now that i left I hope you are in peace Now you have plenty of time for yourself You have time to do things That are important for you That were always important for you More than me💔 Bye fam I love you more than anything But I can’t hurt myself anymore I cannot humiliate myself in the name of love My love for you will never die Its always here Praying for you Protecting you But this time From a distance. As you wished💔
I was not a priority, that is for sure. Christmases were spent with neighbors who never cared for them versus me. I was called a victim for wanting to talk about this. It was soul destroying. Again, actions speak louder than words. Rebooting them never works your only attacked. Just get out. No contact and never look back.
My only concern unfortunately though, is, a lot of people I know (80% or more) are basically all the time busy! So, what sucks is most of the people are so busy they can’t make time to see me or just don’t reply to me for whatever reason. I hate always feeling like that I’m not people’s worth of their time or there is no value in me for them to talk to me! Did I make sense? A lot of people sideline me for long.
Walk away if they have too much going on without you especially if they flake or change plans often. And beware of the single friend or sibling that your partner is routinely going out with (without you) dressed to the nines. If this happens, don’t even bother with getting an explanation. If you see this at any point; run, block, unfriend and don’t look back! Do not be disrespected.
This lady I was going out with. We had one meeting/date. After that one day she wanted me to make her a priority in our life. I told her it’s only one day. Priority takes time with a person. She didn’t understand that. What is that wrong of me to say that? In my opinion it was not. Because it was only one date.
I feel like I have stopped being a priority and he has told me the issue is I don’t understand him. This does not make sense to me. I feel like there is something else to it. But I do not want to nag and complain. However I know when i pull back he is going to want to hang out more. How do I handle this? I know what not to do. Just not what to do.
So if your partner doesn’t prioritise you, you have to do things with other people. This sounds like only good advice if it fits your personality. I couldn’t do that. To me, my partner would always be my number one. Dating an Avoidant was the first and only time in my life when I didn’t get the priority I needed. Finding happiness in old hobbies is going to make me feel a little better but ..I don’t want that?
Please coach reply : i am with her for 8 months. I told her that i love her. In start she was interested but now she was less interested and i was not priority. So i called her and said that look i love you but 8 months passed, you dont. So i dont want to be with someone who dont love me. So i want to quit. If you ever feel for me come to me and if i will be available i will join you. Does i do all this right?
What do you do if you’ve been with someone 3 years and you have a 1yr old son together and he’s never helped with our son, besides working to provide for us, which I appreciate very much, but every since we’ve had our son, all I do is sit at home & mostly anytime I want to go somewhere he makes a big deal and he just never helps me with anything. Bathing, feeding, changing our son, helping with household chores, I just don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t want my family to fall apart but I feel as if I’ve lost all my love because of resentment
This might sound a bit controversial, but doesn’t a woman get bored if a man puts her on a pedestal and makes her his biggest priority? I’ve had issues when I prioritized girls over everything else. For some reason they just lost interest when I did. But when I stopped doing so and actually had something else going for me, like fitness goals, work, and self-improvement, they seemed to be more attracted towards me. It’s almost like they were fantasizing about what I was doing when I weren’t there. I think there should be some kind of balance to find: to not completely prioritize a woman, but also to not let her down and ignore her. Susan’s right though; if a man gives you little to no time at all, leave.
Here’s a unique idea…. if your partner is not making you a priority in his life then find someone else who will. There ! I said it ! Don’t be nagging him and telling him he’s not making you his priority . You’ve already told him that told him that quite a few times and nothing’s changed. Dump him ! But before you do it make sure you find another guy first who makes you feel wonderful number one !! Then dump !
Being a reasonable and a mentally stable person and not getting from your partner what your heart desires means you are not with the right partner. Easy to detect. Everytime I get attention and affection from my partner I feel joy… If this is not happening then your mind stucks to a sick situation. A Joyful, peaceful love and happines is the compass for showing you the right direction. Ps forgive my english
Can you make a article on how to balance doing the things you love in your life and giving your attention to your partner? Seems to me that a life where you are busy with work, then do what you like, by the night there is only breadcrumbs left to your partner, and it feels like they have to make an appointment to spend time together with us.
it’s different for men and women. Women should prioritize men, but choose a good man, but men can’t prioritize women because women don’t like it anyway. As long as people don’t understand that there is difference, you are lost. Men need to prioritize making money, because children need a house, they need to prioritize career because a woman needs a car, kitchen counter, etc..we are experiencing break down in relationship because the roles have been uprooted. What to do when you are not a priority? it is unattractive for a man to have woman as number one priority, that however is not applicable vice versa, granted i am not say a woman should adore man to no ends, just to be a helper and when he comes home, he can’t come home to an argument….some will understand, most will not. Men and women are DIFFERENT.
What annoys me the most is when the convos are constant, entertaining, and needed but they all the sudden stop out of nowhere. It really throws me off, and idk why. It’s like now I can’t figure out what to talk about. It was going good. Calls were the right amount, then nothing. I lose my balance and feelings for that person cause now I’m worried she’s not into it anymore.
My guy did all the effort in the world for the first 4/5 months (know him now for 6 months) but one day he just stopped and now he doesn’t even call.. but when ever I call him… he picks up and acts like there is nothing wrong and that he just busy starting his new business and is stressing about it.. and one time he did say… I want my business to do well so I don’t even have time for anything right now… but he still talks on the phone like we in a relationship but the effort is just gone! He is 45 years old divorced and lives in a different continents then kids… how could I get “US” back as to how it used to be in the beginning?
I guess this is what to do in a normal relationship but I think when a narcissist comes into your life, they want you to make space for them until you become fully dependant on them and once you are they can play mind games on you. They can sense when you are desperate for a relationship, lonely and they take advantage of this
I dont want to sound selfish but what if she prioritizes her kids? Her kid is nothing but a bad mouth and just talks about me when things dont go her ways. My girlfriend even said to me the other day that her kids comes first. Im always there for her and just trying to give her a better life but she is sooo focused on her spoil kid that has nothing going for her. She just turn 18. My girlfriend keeps enabling her. I tell her to stop doing that her kid is just using her. I dont have a saying. Walking on eggsshells in my own home!
For me it’s harder at first he was so into me that he could spend huge amount of time only just to talk with me or chat, now he’s priority is friends, and he told me once I’m sorry that I can’t give u attention u want. We are in long distance relationship what should I do? oh yes he said when I’m near him it’s better because he hates chatting and talking (he meant he is more into person to person ) Need advice
In my case my girl is calls me when she needs emotional support I always cared for her, do her work, kiss her forehead then go to work, take good care of her but she always leaves me for a guy who is already in relationship with 3 or 4 girls (playboy) and she knows it, even I recorded his voice about the girls whom he used to disrespect BUT WHY? Is love is just a word? Why girls always do this? I Fucking love her Even I told her that I will leave never talk to other girls if u say Still she goes after that playboy
Honestly, I never had anything going for me to start with, because I started out unemployed and homeless and broke. He helped me some with getting a start in my adulthood. After decades together, it became clear to me that he prioritizes his adult offspring over me. He spends every day with his daughter so much that it seems incestuous. And he priorities their mom over me simply because “she’s the mother of my children “, even though they haven’t been children in a very long time.
Susan thanks for doing this article, it just let me to wake up and understand as to why my marriage of 26 years is losing love and affection. My wife is avoiding intimacy even though our marriage was a love marriage. It’s very painful but after listening to your advice I have decided to act upon your advise. Is there a way I could privately connect with you just for some feedback? Kindly let me know. Thanks Munir Ahmad
i always understand that the relationship is hard even when with a non-narcissistic partner.But this is just too much,i mean i never mean to hurt anyone but why do they must hurt me back and play this game?i don’t want to play game,my god damn life is already a stressful and marvelous game.I need one who loves me,and whenever i think that i got one,it’s dissapoint.I feel too tired like in a purgatory.
My partner told me his career will always be his number 1 priority so I don’t know what to do about that…I know he loves me and I love him and the moments we share are bliss but I know he will always put most time and attention in his work. It’s not even about me, more about his personality and life goals and what he wants to achieve. If he loves me, is there any way in which I can inspire him to change his point of view? I don’t need him every moment but I would like to experience how it feels like to be a priority for the man I love and not have our relationship come second
My ex broke up with me cause she didnt want to be intimate (including nonsexual) and to much time would pass between her reaching out to me. She also said she felt guilty about even kissing. She also got mad when I said I dont like being ignored after so much time passed. She also didnt like that I said Im not friends with my ex and you shouldnt either. She was still friends with her exs. So foul. GTFO. Also I think She just wanted married and babies. Not me.
My man friend says he’s insular. Is that a loner? Cos that’s y I’m not his priority. I’ve told him to get lost but 2.5 yrs later we r going around in circles. I don’t trust him cos we have no commitment. He just wants to date all the time. I won’t allow him to touch me as I said to him he would use me!!! He gets upset but the nightmare confines. Y am I still here?
Because people are selfish and forgot what a real relationship is. You can do hundrets of things that do not matter but you have only 1 person in the entire world that you love which should make them your highest priority at all times. Otherwhise you are just treating this unique person like anyone else which makes a relationship useless. Just call a hooker if you need to prioritize your selfish needs so bad and do not start a relationship.
What if I have already started doing the old things I used to do that make me happy, but my partner rarely listens to me or pays any attention to me? Like, my old hobbies are great, but they can’t patch that kind of a wound… I literally don’t matter to him a lot of the time Also we live together and are married so I can’t be like “lol busy until 9 PM”
Hello.. Im so confused right now. He greet me on our 2 years and 2 month anniversary. And we had a long talk about our future and we had little misunderstanding about future. Right now I get his point and there is nothing wrong about what he said. But when I replied he suddenly logout without seeing my replied. And i check his Mobile Legend account and hes playing mobile games. I suddenly feel like “Why? Why he choose to play online games rather than read my replied? What I did right now is that i texted him that im so upset that he choose to play games rather than talkled to me on our special day. And after that Im planning not to go online until i dont know. I need tou opinion. Thank you