Domestic violence survivors often find support from family and friends, but this is not always the case. Sometimes, an abuser will isolate their partner from their close friends and family to maintain control. This can increase the risk of being killed by an abusive partner while leaving or after leaving. Challenging victim-blaming mentalities and providing non-judgmental support is crucial in dismantling the barriers that perpetuate domestic violence.
Finding the right way to support a family member experiencing abuse is never easy, and there’s no single approach to helping someone in an abusive relationship. Family dynamics can make complex situations even more. To help someone who is experiencing abuse, focus on providing a safe and judgment-free space, being patient, and letting them know that you are sorry for their situation.
Children in homes with domestic violence are 15x more likely to experience abuse. While it sounds easy to report your abuser to authorities, it can be hard to find solutions that don’t put more stress on them. Tell your friend or family member that abuse is always the fault of the abusive partner, and there is no excuse for it.
Intimate partner violence (IPV), also known as domestic violence, is not just physical, but also includes forms of control such as isolation, economic abuse, degradation, and manipulation. It is important to shed light on what your loved one may be experiencing and help them think about ways to support them.
Being a source of support for a parent experiencing abuse can be challenging, but intervening directly can be dangerous for both parties. Many women, children, and men worldwide are victims of domestic abuse, which is any behavior that maintains control over a spouse, partner, or family member. All abusers have a support network within a family that allows them to continue that behavior, even if the supportive people don’t.
Although many people find it difficult to support abusive parents financially, emotionally, and physically, it is essential to recognize that abuse is against the law. Not all abusive parents or guardians intentionally harm their children, and many have been victims themselves and don’t know any other way to support them.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| What Is Domestic Abuse? | Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to … | un.org |
| Family abuse: What it is and how to identify it | Abuse (particularly in the family) is when an adult, typically a parent or caregiver, uses violence to control and/or harm a family member. | kidshelpphone.ca |
| I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy | The Survivor’s Handbook provides practical support and information for women experiencing domestic abuse, with simple guidance on every aspect of seeking … | womensaid.org.uk |
📹 What Victims of Emotional Abuse Really Need Dr. David Hawkins
Narcissists––usually men––have a high propensity for manipulating any situation in their favor because of their need to assert …
How Long Does It Take To Heal From Abuse?
Recovering from emotional abuse is a unique and individual journey, with no set timeline; some individuals may heal in 2 months, while others might take years or may never fully recover. The healing process varies widely, influenced by the severity of the trauma and the support received. Research indicates varied recovery timeframes, with some individuals beginning to heal within three months and others taking up to two years for conditions like PTSD.
Recognizing the unacceptable nature of an abuser's behavior can prompt the decision to leave such relationships, though the path to recovery is not linear and can involve significant emotional work. Counseling and mental health support can be pivotal in easing the pain and facilitating healing, along with personal strategies for regaining one's footing. Emotional abuse can have lasting effects and may manifest in anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Understanding the stages of healing, particularly after narcissistic abuse, is crucial, as many may struggle to navigate through all phases. It typically takes 18 to 22 months for a survivor’s brain and body chemistry to normalize post-abuse. Patience is essential, as healing is possible, and with the right resources and support, survivors can recover and build healthier relationships free from domestic violence.
Why Do Abuse Survivors Not Speak Up?
Survivors of abuse often remain silent about their experiences for numerous reasons, earning the label of "silent victims." Common fears include potential retaliation from the perpetrator, victim-blaming, concerns about not being believed, and fear of being socially ostracized. They may worry about the repercussions of disclosure, such as being judged or misunderstood. This silence reflects broader challenges like psychological trauma, societal stigma, and distrust in the legal system. Despite the increased visibility surrounding sexual assault due to movements like MeToo, many still hesitate to share their stories, fearing harsh judgments and repercussions.
Survivors face intense emotional struggles, which complicate their decisions to speak out. They may express apprehension over how they will be perceived post-disclosure. Furthermore, the threat of violence looms, stemming from observed cases where victims faced threats or harassment for coming forward. While there are resources available to support those affected by sexual violence, the fear of being disbelieved or blamed frequently prevents victims from seeking help or sharing their experiences.
This intricate issue underlines the importance of understanding why trauma survivors often choose silence over speaking out. Building an environment of trust and support is crucial in empowering survivors to come forward without fear.
What Are The Signs Of Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse encompasses various forms of mistreatment, including emotional, physical, sexual, financial, coercive, and psychological abuse. Common signs include fear of a partner, controlling behaviors like financial manipulation, and acts of physical violence (e. g., hitting or throwing objects). Additionally, it can manifest as digital abuse and emotional manipulation, such as threats or cruel words. Often referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse involves a pattern of controlling behaviors designed to assert power over another individual.
Recognizing the warning signs is crucial, as even a few red flags may indicate the presence of abuse. This issue affects individuals across diverse relationship types, including married couples, cohabiting partners, and same-sex couples. Victims may experience feelings of fear or shame, making it difficult to acknowledge or seek help. It is essential to understand that everyone deserves relationships devoid of abuse, and support is available for those experiencing these challenges. Identifying signs is the first step toward seeking help and navigating unhealthy dynamics.
Do You Offer Support To A Survivor Of Abuse Without Judgment?
Offering non-judgmental support to survivors of abuse is essential for their safety and healing, regardless of whether they choose to report the abuser. Loved ones play a crucial role by providing emotional support and facilitating access to resources. This article emphasizes supporting adult survivors and outlines key steps for assisting them. First, listen to their story without judgment, validating their experiences and assuring them they are not alone.
Encourage them to seek medical attention and be present if they decide to report the abuse. Communicate openly yet respectfully, allowing them to share at their own pace without feeling pressured for details. It's vital to challenge any false beliefs about abuse, and actively believe and support survivors. Additionally, educating yourself on the signs of abuse can prepare you to respond compassionately. Resources such as infographics on ways to support survivors can be invaluable.
Remember, there is no singular "right" way to cope with trauma, and each survivor's journey is unique. The support offered by friends and family can significantly empower survivors as they navigate their healing process and reclaim control over their lives. Ultimately, fostering an environment of empathy and respect can make a profound difference in a survivor's recovery journey.
How Long Does PTSD From Emotional Abuse Last?
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can emerge after emotional abuse, manifesting symptoms lasting months or years post-trauma. Key symptoms include intrusive thoughts, distressing dreams, and flashbacks. Emotional abusers employ non-violent strategies to assert power, which can lead to feelings of terror and control, trapping victims in the abusive cycle. The development of PTSD may not be immediate; individuals might experience delayed flashbacks or anxiety attacks years later.
Research indicates that both emotional abuse and bullying can meet criteria for PTSD or complex PTSD (C-PTSD), with the latter often stemming from prolonged emotional harm. Healing from emotional abuse is possible, but recovery requires time and specialized support, including assistance in exiting abusive situations and recognizing early abuse signs. For a PTSD diagnosis, symptoms must disrupt daily functioning and persist for over a month, categorized typically into four groups.
Individuals may also struggle with co-occurring issues like depression or anxiety disorders. Though some recover within six months, others face enduring symptoms. Consequently, the long-term consequences of emotional abuse can significantly impact mental health, eroding self-esteem and instilling persistent anxiety. Awareness and treatment of PTSD from emotional abuse are crucial for recovery and regaining control over one’s life.
What Are The Signs Of An Abusive Family?
Toxic family dynamics can significantly impact a child's mental health. Signs include frequent yelling, bullying, the silent treatment, and a lack of physical affection. Exposure to violence, whether against family members or pets, and overwhelming jealousy are also indicators. Recognizing emotional abuse is crucial; it can manifest as cruel remarks from parents, making children feel unwanted, unloved, or inferior.
Children often show signs like low self-esteem, emotional instability, or withdrawal. Parents' self-care is essential, yet some prioritize their needs above their children's, contributing to emotional damage.
Domestic violence may involve different forms, such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Subtle signs of abusive behavior can be overlooked until they escalate. Emotional abuse is particularly harmful, leading to long-lasting distress. Children subjected to emotional abuse may struggle with confidence and emotional control as adults. Not all abusive behaviors are consciously intended by parents, as many are victims of past abuse.
Understanding these signs can be the first step toward seeking help and reporting suspected abuse to authorities. Support and guidance are vital in coping with the long-term effects of growing up in such environments.
What Are Examples Of Abusive Behavior?
Threats can manifest in various forms, such as making angry gestures, using intimidation through physical size, and shouting. Destroying possessions, punching walls, and wielding weapons also signify emotional abuse. This abusive dynamic may involve threats of harm against the victim, children, or pets, including threats of suicide. Emotional abuse seeks to exert power and control through both verbal and nonviolent behaviors. Recognizing the signs—like all-consuming jealousy, manipulation, and verbal abuse—can empower victims to make informed decisions.
Psychological abuse aims to cause mental or emotional harm, often leaving victims feeling fear or shame, which may lead them to hide or deny the abuse. Abusive behavior can include name-calling, hurtful sarcasm, and manipulation. It's important to note that abuse can take various forms, including digital and financial abuse. Lastly, being informed about the warning signs can help individuals understand if they or someone they know is experiencing domestic abuse and reinforce the reality that emotional abuse is never the victim's fault. Seeking support and setting boundaries is crucial for victims of any form of abuse.
What Is The Definition Of Abusive Behavior?
Abuse encompasses various actions—physical, sexual, emotional, economic, and psychological—that harm or exert power over another individual. It consists of behaviors intended to frighten, manipulate, or control someone, often manifesting through a consistent pattern rather than isolated incidents. Abusive behavior may involve physical violence, emotional manipulation, verbal insults, and economic coercion. Early signs of abuse can include controlling tendencies, possessiveness, aggressive actions, and blaming others.
Emotional abuse particularly focuses on instilling fear and control without physical violence, while psychological abuse aims to inflict mental or emotional harm through intimidation or threats. Many individuals find it challenging to identify abuse due to its subtlety; it can often be confused with healthy relationship dynamics. Recognizing abuse is essential for seeking help and understanding one’s situation. Various forms of abuse include direct physical harm—like hitting or slapping—as well as emotional and economic manipulation.
It’s crucial to understand that abusive behavior can take myriad forms and can impact anyone, emphasizing the need for awareness and intervention when such patterns emerge. Recognizing these signs is vital in advocating for oneself and seeking assistance.
Should You Support A Friend In An Abusive Relationship?
Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship can be challenging. Friends may feel frustrated as their loved ones often make excuses for their partners or are indecisive about leaving. Rich Ham from the National Domestic Violence Hotline advises against trying to take control or make decisions for them. Emotional abuse doesn't only affect the victim but also those around them. If you suspect someone is in an unhealthy relationship, it's vital to approach the situation with understanding and care.
Helping your friend feel safe is a key goal. Counteracting isolation is essential, as abusers often seek to separate victims from their support networks. Acknowledge the abuse while avoiding a preachy tone, and be prepared to help them recognize that their situation is not normal. If possible, help them with safety planning and offer a safe place to stay. It’s important to listen and take seriously what they share, as many victims struggle to see themselves as such.
Avoid confronting the abuser directly, as this can increase danger for your friend. Empower your friend by connecting them with resources, experts, and advocates. Remember that leaving an abusive partner is a complex process and rarely straightforward; thus, offer support without judgment and maintain a friendly, supportive conversation.
What Are The Four Levels Of Abuse?
The cycle of abuse comprises four distinct stages: tension-building, incident, reconciliation (often referred to as the honeymoon phase), and calm. In the tension-building stage, stress accumulates between partners, setting the stage for an abusive incident. The incident stage is when the actual act of violence occurs, which may escalate in severity over time. Following the incident, the reconciliation stage sees the abuser expressing remorse and attempts to restore the relationship, creating a temporary sense of normalcy. The final stage, calm, involves a period of relative peace before the cycle restarts.
This cyclical pattern is prevalent in abusive relationships but doesn't fit every situation, as each relationship may exhibit unique dynamics. The types of abuse can vary, including physical abuse, which involves direct harm to a person, and emotional or psychological abuse, which is more subtle yet prevalent. Various forms of abuse may overlap, with individuals experiencing multiple types simultaneously, including neglect, sexual abuse, financial abuse, digital abuse, and stalking.
Recognizing these patterns is crucial for those affected by abuse, as understanding the cycle can assist in identifying signs of abuse and exploring strategies to escape the situation. Ultimately, awareness and education about the cycle of abuse are essential steps in preventing and addressing relationship violence.
Why Did My Wife Yell At Me?
Yelling from a wife can stem from various triggers, including feeling unheard, financial stress, mental health challenges, and disrespect. Understanding the underlying causes is key, as constant yelling can damage trust and emotional intimacy in a marriage, and also negatively affect children exposed to such conflict. A wife may yell out of frustration or a sense that her words are ignored. Common reasons include a need for affection, validation, and appreciation.
Several specific triggers can lead to this behavior: a belief that yelling is effective, lack of alternative coping skills, fatigue, hormonal changes, being in a defensive mindset, displacing anger from other issues, or physical pain. Frequent yelling indicates deeper problems in the relationship rather than mere frustration. Recognizing when and why your wife yells can provide insights into the situation.
If you find yourself questioning why your wife yells, consider the emotional implications and the potential for a communication breakdown. It’s vital to foster understanding and listen to each other’s perspectives. While yelling is not a constructive form of communication, identifying the underlying emotional stress can lead to resolving issues. Prioritize healthy communication to improve relationship dynamics and address any signs of emotional abuse or control issues.
📹 6 Signs of Emotional Abuse and Neglect
Physical abuse is often the type of abuse that is validated as a marker for abuse. But, there are other types of abuse that are just …
As someone who’s been emotionally abused I’m tired. Tired of being blamed for someone else’s actions, not having the resources to get help, and being forced to take responsibility for the actions of the narcissist. It’s always the victim that has to take responsibility and never the perpetrator. All I want is to be left alone and preserve whatever peace I got.
When I used to talk to friends about my husbands -Robles, all they said was “you need to leave”. That didn’t help. One day a friend told me what my husbands problem was. He was a passive aggressive covert narcissist, I had no clue what that was so after a lot of YouTubing, I understood it wasn’t my fault and was able to make a plan and escape with my daughter. That was what I needed, I just didn’t know I needed until I was told what the problem was. Good luck to those, still stuck. It is not your fault.
I’m not a victim period. I have been emotionally abused but I’m far from a victim. I signed up for it, even if it was in ignorance. I am taking responsibility for my own well being. He’s not going to change. He doesn’t have the courage to face himself. I do have the courage to face myself. He’s a coward. In this moment I need to be here for myself and be my own best friend. I have strong boundaries and I asked him to leave. He left. He’ll never grow. He doesn’t have the capacity to be honest with himself. He’s emotionally about 12 years old and he’s a narcissist. Thanks for the article.
People do NOT help you if you’re a target of Narc abuse, NOR with the trauma, OR with the real life fall-out or recovery. Not when you’re a child, not when you’re a teen, not when you’re an adult, not when you’re elderly. In fact, most will either abandon you, or avoid you, or make all kinds of distance from you, or they’ll see it as an opportunity to either manipulate you, or to turn against you along WITH the Narcissist and their group. What do I need in this day ? What I always needed. Basic and normal support from other human beings regarding what I’m dealing with, the effects on my life and my health, and as an adult, normal support for parenting my son, all things that most people take very much for granted.. None of which anyone has ever given me, save my ex’s Mom just in the last few years who’s ninety two years old, and who gets it because she’s still dealing with it. There’s only so much she can do with support, but she is there, and I’m there for her as well. Without going around and around in circles trying to maneuver out of effort, accountability, shame, or guilt, like most people I’ve ever known, since I was a child, have done.
It is absolutely horrific to be on the end of it. I had to tell my ex husband over 50 times in messages, in therapy that his emotional abuse was killing me. Not once did he stop it and neither did our therapist stop it either. When you tell others they do not believe you and then you have to deal with the defamation of character and smear campaign on top of it
Deep down the rage in me was building and building from being abused. One day after he continued to emotionally abuse me, I snapped. Gathered my things and left. It was the biggest relief I felt when I got in my car and drove away. That night and next day I slept so long and so good as I was emotionally drained. I refuse to look back as the abuse was terrible. I hope this helps who needs to read this.❤️❤️
Emotional abuse is just the shittiest thing in the world! It has taken me in the past 18 years from a wonderful mother and productive member of society to absolutely nothing. I don’t need him to change at this point. I just need me to find a piece of me, just a small enough piece to stand up and move on. I just don’t have any energy to even do that.
In this moment, I would like validation and honesty about the reality of what has happened. I can offer it to myself, but – we can be wounded by others and then, also healed by them. Healthy, supportive connections are key to recovery. And also walking away from these dangerous relationship situations.
My problem is that I have no money to leave. We have a 5 year old together. I have no support circle, my self esteem is in the toilet (always has been to be honest), I would have to find a way to pay bills and get my son on and off the bus (or to and from school). I don’t have family that can help with that. I feel completely stuck. I have a bachelor’s degree and an insurance license but I don’t make enough money to live on my own so I stay here stuck. I feel so hopeless. I’ve also been raised with similar treatment to what my partner does to me and so this hopelessness, low self esteem and self worth is so deep seeded in me. I also only realize the treatment isn’t normal when I spend some time with other people and see that they are not treated like that.
The fact is narcissistic abuse destroys your life and resources. Victims are rarely able to self support or even have the resources to self support. It’s like being in a major car accident and being hospitalized for months in a coma. Victims of narcissistic abuse need first and foremost the ability to self support even before prosecution of abuse.
Thank you for asking and genuinely wanting to know how to help. Thank you for holding abusers accountable in the name of lasting change. I appreciate you and your ministry. What I desperately needed was a place to go where I would be heard and believed. My ex husband and I went to counseling. Within a month he had convinced the counselor that all the marriage problems were a result of me not understanding my value in Christ, and my anger issues. She was patient and lenient with him and highly critical and strict with me. She refused to celebrate any forgiveness or healing I did unless I was completely healed. And she joked around with him as her form of holding him accountable for his actions (that he didn’t disclose, and she had to weasel out of him). Clearly she was not trauma-informed, nor did she recognize the signs of abuse within marriage. I didn’t feel safe at home. I didn’t feel safe with the counselor. I needed a place to feel safe. So I tried talking with my pastors’ wives and elders’ wives, and Bible study members. I even talked with a couple of my pastors about the abuse (I even named it with one of them), and they did nothing. They didn’t offer me an opportunity to talk about it. They never asked if I or the kids were in danger. I was left to discover, navigate, and leave the abuse on my own. I was left to build a new life on my own. I was left to handle post-separation abuse (stalking, harassing, trespassing, attempts to change the kids’s schedules on my time) all by myself.
I need to stop seeing myself through his eyes. I am not exaggerating, crazy or anything else he keeps saying I am. But I am always afraid people will believe him. I left 9 years ago—he is still taking me to court over virtually nothing. What if the judge believes him? I am financially devastated and I cannot afford to defend myself anymore.
I know this article is old and I haven’t read comments from others yet but I just don’t think people really understand what we go through. For 7 years and counting not even married I have been treading water every second of every single day to just push through and merely survive. Listen the truth is at least for me all my energy and time is taken from him as I deal endlessly with lies, repaing situations he put us in, his blaming me and the excuses come from a bottomless bucket. He is one person outside our house to EVERYONE but to me he is the devil and no one knows. He lies about me. But that is the least of my cares anymore. He is incapable of having a conversation with me. Sometimes I look in his direction and he starts screaming at me. That’s all it took. My very presence. I’ve attempted to work but he sabotage every opportunity I’ve been given. He’s taught my children to lie to me. More often than not if I ask him a question he doesn’t acknowledge that I spoke a word. He calls me every name under the sun. I have been desperate to get out. But I’m 41. I have 3 children 2 of whom are young. He literally yells at me to move out but we have 1 car in his name that’s worth maybe 1000.00 we live below poverty line. We live 2 hours from all family and friends. Plus I have no where to go with 2 kids. I went for help at a women’s shelter but because I hadn’t been physically assaulted that time they would not help me. I have no money haven’t worked in years now. No car. No shelter that will help us.
I was there many years ago, and for so many years . I didn’t realize it was emotional abuse at the time . I did go to a psychologist because my husband said ” You go fix you because I’m fine ” I’m 89 years old now and that person died last year and I me still having nighmares about the things that happened .
With respect, as a male who is very experienced, and well studied, in narcissistic personality disorder, from the victim perspective, I can tell you, if those guys are not cluing in on their obvious degeneracy within an hour or two, of a therapist’s well articulated descriptions of it, then they are no different than a criminal minded person, and willfully not accepting Truth, or it is not being articulated well to them. Because, I know myself, and I know I was a narcissist, on my natural path from childhood, and I know, it was simple self reflection, and self observation about a few simple issues, that changed that part of me, and helped me grow. It didn’t change evrything baout me, or require some great sacrifice, in fact it was liberating to relalize I had no reason to insult a lot of people and things I had been.. It was a mature, adult, process of decisions and growth, from observing what behavior s were hurting me or hurt others, and stopping me from being the person I believed I was, and who I wanted to be. The narcissist just goes through life believing they are that picture of themselves, without ever really figuring out what they know and don’t know. It’s pathetic, cz they will even project this onto others, and still not be able to see it in themselves I believe the truly traumatized, false identity builders, are one type, and the other type is the dethroned intellect. The first type does not understand their way, the second type, absolutely knows their way, and may even feel some guilt, but ultimately convince their self that they are acting righteously.
A covert narcissist does not respond to boundaries. They will not. Period. No matter what style of holding the boundary is offered. You’ve tried it all and they respect zero, none of it. And they may (will) become more forceful in their push against the boundary. I had to leave. I had no choice. I cocooned for a while, got the help I need to stop blaming myself, am still cocooning. The cocooning is not the same as withdrawal. It is where I can feel the stronger, healed me nurturing my way back. There IS room for laughter again! At first I was angry about having to rebuild my life. At 65 it’s not what I envisioned or even thought would happen. But you know what’s worse? Staying. Having no hope. Pretending it’s ok or thinking it’s my fault. I’m human. So yeah, I’m not perfect. AND I deserve peace, happiness, love and respect. So do you.
Separation is a VERY DANGEROUS step from a mentally ill irrational human being. The only way it worked for me was to take my child and escape to a women’s refuge. You CAN’T REWIRE these people with therapy. My mum was the same. She is in her seventies, still lying, conning money.,still causing trouble, A complete separation from my parents and ex partner worked, It is the only way. He tried to shoot me with a crossbow when I got a court restriction and said “Do you think a piece of paper will stop this?!Go…far away
My mom was emotionally abusive. All my relationships ended up the same way. I think its because i didn’t see the red flags, since i was raised in it. Long story short i stopped dating years ago and working on my health. My medical doctors cant find anything causing my physical pain and constant fatigue, im researching how emotional abuse can cause these symptoms. Im 54 now and im sick of being sick. How do i overcome the emotional abuse, so i can have a life
I’m not stupid in that. I’m hoping that my douche bag of a partner will change. I’m aware of that. I’ve just been beaten down emotionally and spiritually that I have no give a shit left in me. The answer to your question is; I need a lifeline. I need a friend to provide me with normalcy, a place where I can cry and be myself.. I need someone to go have coffee. I need a friend because at this point, I’ve lost all of mine or alienated them for him.
This is me constantly feeling abused I use to feel beautiful and vibrant and a natural love for life I realize I need help now I can’t do it on my own the yelling the putting me down everyday the isolation from my family and friends I’m trying to get back to myself I’m starting to consider just leaving and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted he use to cheat really bad and I almost didn’t make it through that the trauma was so severe
A separation might not help if there are children involved. I am divorced and still trapped in a relationship of terrorism with my ex husband who had more resources and less trauma to navigate — weaponize — the family court system. I stayed tenaciously in a 4 year physical separation until it destroyed me, and he used that affect of his own abuse for “his benefit” — at least he thinks temporarily. Now I cannot even work, the threats and bullying are too much. Which he will try to use against me for further custody. I need to be free of the need for his child support as that is the main reason he is trying to destroy me completely. But am in a catch-22. I am also a creative, musician, and writer, and cannot even access that create a part of my brain, because of the extent of being continually in fight or flight mode and living in spirit.
Im 38 years old and my father screamed at me over the usage of a conventional can opener. Thats just the most recent. 😢. No support network and im disabled due to organs failing. They denied my case and im waiting on what could be a 10 year appeal process that i probably wont get either. I literally cannot see myself surviving for another 5-10 years due to lack of funds and a completely lack of independence.
I think we should add on to the bill of domestic violence that if an individual receives a 3rd restraining or protective order in a 5yr period, mandatory evaluation and register online public database to prevent and protect future children, individuals and or families from further abuse. They have a habitual intention to seek out partners for supply to release their childhood trauma. We can not change them, they dissociate, split, a form of multiple personality. When they abuse, in that moment they have implanted their child self into the partner, and they become empowered to abuse. Survival mechanism, they are on auto pilot, they mirror others. The victim become the narcissist and the narcissist becomes their chdhood abuser. Does that make sense? Imagine how hard it has been for all of us to wrap our heads cognitively and rationalize the treatment that we were faced with, the betrayal, that’s a lot of why we struggle letting go. We are people pleasers/empathic(from our own childhood sensitivity) and it kills us to think that after everything we endured, what we gave and how we loved that they would in the end do us dirty. Ultimate betrayal! < this as adults. NOW think of how a NPD would handle their entire existence as a betrayal, I don't think many would survive.
I been researching on how to not do this to others, the results are crazy. Seeing this crap, makes me realize what not to do. A lot of people live in cycles. I don’t care I have to listen to it in my 30s, I just do not want to repeat it or to do it to another. I am tired, but not tired enough to do it it to another. The work is hard man, it brings back memories. I am not ready for the memories, I got enough going on, but I suppose it is needed.
I’m a victim. When I tried to speak up to certain authorities, no one believed me and they even ignored my request. I believe the best way to get out of victim’s guilty trap is to fight against those bullies and speak up openly and publicly, whether it is online or directly to media, so that we will know that we are not alone and there are lots people out there trying to help us. Tolerating such emotional abuse behaviour or staying silent will only benefit those bullies!
I am luckily healing and currently have no-contact. Healing is possible, you are all so beautiful. Do not let other people determine who you are, or what you are worth. The only time that someone perceives or speaks of you becomes true is whenever you believe it yourself as well, because you are the only one who knows your truth. Don’t let them convince you of your worth, luckily in this life, you get to decide your own worth. You are smart, you are kind, you are strong, you are resilient, and I promise that you can come out on the better side of this. The second that you start healing is the second that everything gets easier. you are not psychotic, insane, or mentally ill for coming to terms with what is being done to you by another human being, you are simply acknowledging facts and deciding to change your perspective based on those facts. You don’t need to live this lie anymore. You are perfect just the way you are. You are human, forgive yourself and heal yourself, there is hope I promise.
Dr Hawkins, my first love was a narcissist for 7 years on and off we “dated”. This relationship changed me/ confused me. It’s been 4 years since I talked to him, I’m in a committed healthy relationship that I’ve never been able to fully invest in. He reached out to me and explained how he’s changed. Now I’m all steered up sick to myself. I thought I healed but now I’ve lost 10 lbs in 3 days because of where I am and what I think I want. My wires are crossed I don’t have a dad to look to or council with, what’s wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this..
My girlfriend’s last relationship was an emotionally abuse one and sadly her mind associates love with hurt. She loves me so much and she admits it but she tries to push me away because she feels she will hurt me. Her ex also used to tell her words that made her insecure about herself. She even said we are no longer in a relationship because she does not want to hurt me. I love her so much and I want to be a good support and help to her. I don’t ask here how to bring the relationship back I am just asking how to help someone who got emotionally abused it affected their mind in this way. What can I do to support?
my parents are 50yo. my father was always a happy, driven guy. he also made much more money then in the last 8 years. we were leaving in a nice house. now.. he is a completly different guy, depressed, sad, from all the emotional abuse my mom always made. i’m 29 yo. when i’m not with my mom i feel much happier. she plays the victim but she is the one that we grow up hearing screaming and criticize all the time. i have 2 brothers – 22yo and 12. i know i saved them from the things i went trough. i suffered physical and emotional abuse. she refuses to take credit or apology. it’s very sad but i take all this as a chalenge and i’m becoming better because of it but it’s very hard. my 22yo just says “they are crazy and leaves the house” – he is driven and apparently happy but i don’t fully believe cuz we grown up in the same house. impossivel to be sane around my mom but we are making our things. my dad is a strong and happy guy but i saw what he become progressevly in the last years. my mom is the worst but the thing is… she cleans, makes food, etc it seems perfect place until shit hits the fan or something is not in the way she wants.
Thank you. I have been the lucky recipient of being targeted at work for bullying and then mobbing (this phenomenon which occurs the same exact pattern, regardless of where in the world because it’s predicated on ostracism and weaponizing via manipulation of information to establish a narrative, which then distributed to form social cognition which is the point of no return The individuals subconscious responses are now driving their actions towards the target, and the actions that are undertaken are those which are described as narcissistic abuse such as tactics you mentioned in the article except it’s not one person abusing you with those tactics. It’s literally everyone around you and again this is now the social cognition so the subconscious brain is really acting on this primal belief that this person is not of our culture they need to leave because they are a threat and holy hell are those tactics horrific) That’s a side, each session was just relaying, but abusive measure(s) I’ve encountered, and then finally after the discard after thoroughly being dehumanized, I found myself a little bit perplexed as my therapist started to open up kind of reverse, blame that she hadn’t heard me take any responsibility for what was going on and starting to attribute motives to things that I would say when it wasn’t the motive. And basically it’s come down to almost like feeling like a child where I’m responding reflecting what she’s saying to ensure I know that idk how to explain but that although people have job titles responsibilities, Laws, bylaws etc That I am effectively exempted from them and the consequences of others actions or inactions is for me to figure out.
Thank You Doctor Hawkins. II though all my wounds had been healed. All done. I’m nearly 56 years of age and a few past horrible feelings are rearing their ugly heads. I react differently now. I immediately & politely stand up for myself these days. I deal with verbally abusive co-workers my marriage ended 20 years ago so it’s no longer that environment for me, it’s at work. Supervisors know, they speak with the instigator over & over but they still do it and still have their job. I keep telling myself ” Chin Up” I DO NOT want the bullies to win by me leaving my job that I really do love. I pray for strength, guidance and courage . If I end up moving on from my job I love maybe they win OR maybe I’ m taking care of myself and this is God’s Will for me. I will continue paying attention the the signs from above.🙂
I need space and solitude to reset,unlearn and learn,get to love myself again. I don’t want unnecessary chats,texts or calls. Unfortunately, I joined DV support group,that didn’t help with my mental health and felt stuck all the time. Started experiencing PTSD so I stepped back from the group and doing well now
To David, I am from NZ. My older brother has been on psychoactive drugs for 30 years and have made his life worse as the years have gone by. I have suffered psychological and emotional abuse and nicotine in our house is the root of why my older brother’s drug has not been reviewed or ween them off after some many years. Do you know what legal support I can get about why my older brother is on this drug and what I can do to rectify the issue at home. We have Privacy Laws in our country to prevent all or any family members from going to the doctor and talk about medications, etc. My older brother has gone so bad that the drug has opened up doors spiritually to other evil forces in his mind and trying to “smoke” his mind away?????? Just wondering if anyone else is going through any issue like this in this world today. Matt
I need for someone to come and take him away. I’ve been abused by this man for 15 years and I am exhausted. How do I tell the police I don’t feel safe when I feel like they’ll just laugh at me? I am afraid they’re just going to tell me to toughen up, he’s just mean but he’s not abusing me, he’s not hitting me… What do I do?
I despise the system for the wrong treatment I despise for adults that cover up for trauma and too many secrets I despise the people talking to victims like crap that don’t know what they’re doing!! And I thank God for the YouTube utube, I might be hurting but I would still be in constant confusion without it, in those that encourage and support, US!
He, they are not going to change, I saw it firsthand. I was gone from home for nearly 30 years- college and then work, making my own way in the world. I returned home and stayed almost 5 years. My parents had only gotten older but still the same. Family, as a unit, still dysfunctional. I left, returned to Tennessee. No contact now.
I want to feel needed, wanted and appreciated. No matter how hard I try to please it’s impossible to please him. He expects super human effort and perfection but I can’t give that. I am horribly disabled now. He just doesn’t care if I get hurt. He asked me to help lift huge pile of wood in pick up truck to get something he buried. Him one side me the other we lifted “together”. He got his item from under and let go the load weight. All of a sudden the 500 pounds was all on me! He did not instruct on count of three let go. I couldn’t even see him over his side of pile. My gut got torn (I was hysterectomy suspended inside) now needs surgery to lift transverse back up. He just calls me stupid for not letting go. Blames me. Blames everything on me a flat tire my fault, it rains it’s my fault, milk spoiled my fault, son dies something wrong my fault…it’s ridiculous. His dad had MS and used his sons as his hands and legs expected perfection and never allowed them to give up. His mother was super mom becoming the man of the family. I am a feminine lady type. I can’t live up to his super mom expectations. I wasted 45 years of my life trying to create a family and our sons are just like him perfectionists, egotistic, demanding, blaming….it’s horrible. And very little love. I am the one to initiate any hug or cuddle never him. He hates communication it’s a waste of his precious time. I am married but he is not a “partner”. If we go to celebrate our anniversary I plan a happy photo outing in outfits afterwards he says “There I did your stupid anniversary now shut the F up”.
my partner has pathological jealousy, but he does not harm me physically. he always says he loves me so much that is why he is always jealous and protective. but sometimes it goes overboard and i find it emotionally abusive when he does not trust me or insists that i am unfaithful which is the exact opposite of my personhood. i am not exactly ugly and we live a blessed life, but he really has no reason to get excessively jealous.
Don’t feel bad, just understand there are good men out there & this good man will say this, just Reverse that and it would be logical & reasonable for my case of getting beat up hit attacked yelled at abused taken advantage of by my ex gf who left black eyes on me ECT, just cos she wanted her drugs over me, & years ago I walked away from it, blessed to still be alive…. God bless you & take very good care to all who see, Sincerely, ~Paul
I have no place to go to and even when I try, I fail at it. People keep betraying my trust in the mist of me leaving. They don’t understand I am being abused and am feeding this person information about me leaving which causes me to be abused and so I lie to keep the peace and to keep from getting kicked out.
No I don’t have a place to go to, I’ve tried to develop a support system to no avail. Talking to my counselor once a week isn’t often enough. I’m also in DBT. I left my abusive boyfriend and mined in with my abusive Dad. I’m so sick I can’t even work anymore. I call 988 multiple times a week. Takin all my meds as prescribed and I’ve tried just about every med out there. I’m on 6 psych meds right now.
I’ve gone through therapy tried having him get therapy. I live in Indiana and I’m from Arizona 7 years of police reports begging. I finally left with my son with nothing. He took all our money i worked hard to start a new life for my son and i but he was able to make us come back and continue tge same abuse. I have an autoimmune and i have been sick for sometime. No mater what i have done cry, beg, reasonably talk, place boundaries it doesn’t matter. Ive gone to women’s shelters, ive showed recordings article’s. His lawyer was suspended for unethical practices towards me and is still harrasing him for divorce. I can’t even get a probono lawyer. Infact a judge has made ok for him to call me, a derogatory name, “Nig%er,” in court. I have no access to our account i have to ask for money. He has done so many outlandish things to me and no matter what i do i cannot get any help. He has a pill addiction but since he has a prescription and still buys more off the street drug testing doesn’t matter. I don’t know what to do but let him kill me little by little
This is why I don’t understand about my husband. After I told him I finally realized he’s been emotionally abusive towards me, he did immediately seek therapy. Found out he had severe adhd a month later. He was seeing a therapist weekly for a few months. And only a few months in, she told him he was “doing so well” whe didn’t think he needed to see her weekly anymore. I was like…what? How?
Im a child that has been abused for years and still do.I always knew my mom was kind of toxic but i wasnt aware that she is abusing me.Its only this year that i realised.I was always feeling sad when i think about jt never was happy getting the presents ect.Im 14 old girl.I dont think i will be happy cause i think there is too much damage done.I try fix myself, but nothing works.Believe me, im trying so fucking hard and still inside i feel deep sadness betrayal, anger dissapointment.And on top of that i struggle to show emotions because my mother teached me to hide them, abd everytime i i show them i worry that ill make others sad.Im hoping to find a way on these articles like these.I have help and all but its just so fucking hard.Im tired of all of this.every little thing can trigger me to remember of my mother when she used to yell, cry or be dramatic.(ussualy when someone yells)Sorry to waste your time reading this, but do you know if its even possible to heal after 8+years of hiding emotions, abusemental manipulation ?
After 19 years, I am filling for divorce. I have tried so many times leaving, and getting a separation for years. I have been physically, verbally,emotionally,and psychologically abuse marriage. He is the only man I know since I was 19. I have joined support groups, thank God, I have a good job. We still live together but separated. I refuse to talk to him unless it is by text. I do not engage in anything with him. I am completely broken, drained, hurt so hurt. Taking the steps to leave is hard. Dealing with the memories of abuse, which most was abuse is harder. I am numb and empty inside. I am so disappointed in myself for staying this long for loving him, and allowing him to take advantage of me. I have a very hard time forgiving myself. Only a few close people know the truth and have helped me. Most people just think he is a nice guy and good guy. I am not smearing his name, I blocked him everywhere. I am still in shock, and beyond hurt. My dream was to be a mother one day and raise a family. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I brought a child in this world with him as a father. I am in therapy 3 times a week and attending women’s groups. I feel stuck, and am so hurt inside.
I’m a man who was incredibly emotionally abused during my relationship. I was an extremely successful person who never thought about love but decided to give it a try. Worst mistake of my life and I’ll never be doing it again. I was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused to the point where it changed myself as a person so much that it changed the course of my entire life. Somebody please help.
I’m a survivor but it doesn’t erase my experiences. I am commended for “pulling myself together” afterwards. It here’s the thing: I have an amputation. No matter how much I move on heal have therapy, I’m not growing back that “leg” I have evidence the rest of my life that speaks of violence endured. Don’t pay me on the head because I act like nothing happpened!? Is that what I’m proud of?? I’m going to move on. But I’ve got phantom pain and I’m not acceptable just because I act like there’s not a missing “limb”
I dont speak to anyone about what i deal with, anyone that i would have has been triangulated and manipulated. She got angry at me and called the cops then i was actially happy, the cops realised no domestic violence has occurrd but as they left i low key asked to be regfered to any supports available and soon ill be able to get the counselling and therapy i need in order to function bevause it just consumes me all day and impacts my life beyond measure
The stigma while you’re in it : “you need to leave”. The stigma after you’ve left: “stop ruminating and focus on your life and your kids.” Emotional abuse is complex and affects every part of one’s health and ability to function “normally”, because after long sustaining abuse, you’re left with a lot of mental and emotional pathology that’s hard for outsiders to understand unless they’ve too, experienced it. It’s an all consuming and isolating process, being in it and digging yourself out of it. Safety becomes very scarce and that’s the main thing you need. Loved ones are too close to offer the right kind of support. They see you hurting and want it to stop, and sadly, a lot of shaming comes with their “advice” and “support”. So, bookended with the feeling that you basically suck. Then, that makes you start to think about the moments when you felt safe in the relationship so you start to rationalize the abusers behavior in order to make sense of it- ultimately, just healing the blame back onto self, and the cycle perpetuates. May as well of just been murdered, because even the recovery path feels like trying to claw yourself out of grave whilst the dirt just keeps falling in biting you further. It’s a feeling of utter powerlessness.
I need to know why and how. My ex’s arent narcissistic or emotionally abusive. I don’t even think there is a thing as “emotional” abuse. That is just a bully. I have been strangled by three men and survived. How am I damaged or broken? When and where will that ugly come out? I know I have a “flight” issue. It is becoming an issue for me; the flight issues; I run as fast as possible at the slightest hint of “danger”. I want some answers from someone who knows something. I need some help. I think. What should I do?
I know this article focuses mainly on marriages, but I’ve been abused since birth, so there are no peices of myself to pick up. There is no me. I’m fully grown and still figuring out who I am. I have CPTSD, which is incurable, and I’m still struggling with that. I’ll never be 100%, like everyone I look up to. But I guess thats just my luck. I remember all the times my dad would compare me to a holocaust prisoner, and he followed a military-esque style of parenting where we had to hold ourselves in a specific posture, do things in a certain order, even when he wanted to speak to us we had to get “in formation” and be lined up perfectly. We were skinny and were only given one meal a day, and we only went to the doctor if our school demanded it of him. Plus all the mental delusions that made me deny my reality. Just crazy stuff, looking back. Im honestly amazed at how much he got away with, to be honest. I’d be a tiny bit grateful if i held his strict discipline in my adult life, but I dont. Nothing on the planet motivates me. If im not doing the bare minimum for myself then I’m rotting on the internet lol. I do have hope I can improve my condition though.
Left my abusive (and rushed) marriage 2 years ago after the 4 years of hell (3 of it married)… It tore me up when it was confirmed over (before a point of no return mentally) and had to leave my kids; Lots of eggshells (especially when pregnant), gaslighting, mind games, paranoia on her end (who the hell has time to cheat while at work? especially as a courier (and later millwork mixed in) at the time), controlling behavior, and her getting pissed off I wasn’t willing to get into the more out there denoms she was looking into and calling me anti-Christ. Probably didn’t help much having autism At least I got a preview of what a healthy relationship looked like in the only relationship that lasted so far after the divorce
I have never seen him as bad, seemingly for no reason at all, as this moment. Never forgetting how empty and hard life without him was before, ut is hard to imagine complaining, even to the Lord. I tried to just avoid him when he gets like this, but he actually came with more. I was already tearing and I could not hold back any longer, and said I did not understand ehy he was so upset All you get is denial. As for separation, we have been through that for the best part of a decade, and it isn’t the answer. I can only, and we can only work on ourselves, especially in the area of being right in and if ourselves, and drawing closer to God than to vices or God forbid, other people.
They really need Help to get away!! Not so much all the blah blah blah from social workers,helpline is only talk aswell and people that ask lots of money for another talk session…it is not helping at all. And the fake new Narcistic, next guy you fall for is going to happen as you are alone and desperate 😢
Im the victim of a stepdaughter who doesn’t want to listen. got caught talking to other men by the abuser when she moved back this time and now he’s controlling her phone / means of communication. I can’t just go there because she’s the one who put herself in the situation she is in naw because she did not listen to anyone . In fact she’s moved back in with us 3 other times. And then moved back out to this guy . What can I do in this situation ? Even if she were to come back I’m almost certain I would become an enabler and she would have not have learned anything to keep her from coming back on her own free will . On top of all that she’s got a kid by him who was born a couple of months after my kid was born 10 month ago . 🤷
Shadow work is important, knowing what are the triggered wounds we carrying around I realized it was never about my ex and all about me atrackting such relationship I knew I had a wound to heal,even if you left that abuser I would just replace him with worse abuser this costed me 4 marriages,which the fourth one was kind of healthier passive which oppenned my eyes to what I already knew we attrack how we feel and think we should be treated in that way
Washington State house bill 1901 (a) “Coercive control” means a pattern of behavior that is used to cause another to suffer physical, emotional, or psychological harm, and in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty. In determining whether the interference is unreasonable, the court shall consider the context and impact of the pattern of behavior from the perspective of A similarly situated person. Examples of coercive control include, but are not limited to, engaging in any of the following: Intimidation or controlling or compelling conduct by: (A) Damaging, destroying, or threatening to damage or destroy, o forcing the other party to relinquish, goods, property, or items of special valuez (B) Using technology to threaten, humiliate, harass, stalk, intimidate, exert undue influence over, or abuse the other party. Including by engaging in cyberstalking, monitoring, surveillance.
I was in a toxic relationship with emotional and physically abusive women for 17 years, I was afraid to come forward. When I confronted her about our problems I was removed from the home and and she projected her abuse on me. Even know I had documented evidence showing abuse it didn’t matter. Men have no rights period its so sad.
My ex husband insults me put me down turned kids against me. The hate me. He calls me fat says kids hate my and i annoy them. I feel like killing myself. I have no one because he told everything says i am crazy to everyone. Now i get insulted by people i do not know. It bad because i even getting bullied.. i feel like only choice i have it to die.
I am curious if there is something about ourselves that leads others to always talking down to us and being so mean and unkind. I personally believe its a spiritual warfare over some of our family blood lines. We always seem to encounter people getting real DEMONIC and evil towards us, talking down to us. It is exhausting. And then, when we say “Stop”, enough! We are the bad one for communicating stop. It’s so evil. They entice you to quarrel and fight, when you really just want to leave. Praying we can figure out how to dodge these people more, and or if we need a new armor of righteousness that doesn’t say, “Hey you! You can disrespect this girl. You can talk to her like trash, it’s okay.” Unbelievable. — I definitely don’t want to say it’s something about ourselves, but I just don’t get it. Some people don’t ever experience this right? I know other women don’t get talked down to the way I encounter getting talked down to, talked to like I’m stupid and gross. What is wrong with people? Don’t they hear the nonsense that comes out of their mouths?
What is profoundly misunderstood is that being abused once, is only the beginning. Women are encouraged to “seek help” to speak out. That, unfortunately, is the beginning of abuse everlasting. Once you tell that you’ve been abused, people figure that you’re open and up for more of it, and made for it. If abusive men are disparaged, abused women are seen as weak willing participants. So I respectfully disagree that seeking help following the first abuse promotes healing. In fact it propels more, and worse, abuse everlasting.
I know no one is going to change. Need emotional suffering to end. Brain fog, cognitive capability, auto immune diseases all I see in victims of emotional abuse. Rage and anger to simmer down. Not wait for emotional titbits from other, not need fake care or fake niceness that is shown. And be strong enough to move forward. Many a times such abusive people are born with rage or extra neediness or such things on extreme and get average empathy parents and then as adult these people destroy life of all those they are in close relationship with.
I just need a way out. Please please please understand I asked for help but bc state workers aren’t trained in dealing with narcissist they only worsened a bad situation his triangulation they didn’t spot I was the crazy one when I really wasn’t. Now my children come and tell me the names they hear him call me on a regular basis. I want out.
What do I need immediately? Wow that’s not possible to happen in one day! I have already dealt with the worst one took 20 years to get away from him. Then I met another one that took 5 years to get rid of him. I’m in another one that has been 5 years now. I blame covid for still being with this one. I know he is not going to change and I don’t want to salvage anything with him. What I need in the very soon future is an affordable place for my family and me to live and reconnect with each other. I know that these kind of people don’t change and I really don’t want them interfering with my family bonds. At this point with the one I’m stuck with now there has not been any physical abuse. I can see he is getting close to doing it. I try to be quiet and not say things or do things to irritate him. I try to say just enough so he doesn’t think I’m really working on finding some way out of this relationship with him. It still makes him mad because I don’t talk to him like I used to. Which is because I give him to much info and it makes things worse. Meaning then he will bring up the topics to sit and bash people in anyway he can. I’m not a person that finds that to be entertaining. I sometimes mention things that bothered me during my day. He takes that as a way to talk shit about this or that or whatever. I am disgusted by the way he seems to enjoy that. I find myself defending anyone he is talking crap about even if the person is someone who bothered me and he doesn’t know them, like co workers.
what i need in this moment is somewhere safe someone who can help me get to where i need to be i need to feel safe and understood and someone to help me understand everyone keeps telling me to leave but i have no one no family no friends i wasnt allowed to have anyone i am in therapy right now but money is controlled car use is controlled cell phone and computer are monitored i need to get away and stay away but there is no time everything has a dead line and sometimes i think this is my deadline i don’t know how to be homeless and i cant even get into my dv shelter because my sister is the director I’m stuck that is what i meed in this moment how to get help with out being humiliated embarrassed or procieved weak? cry for help or rant? today is a really bad day
For me it is my mother and my grandpa Billy. They won’t even let me get a drivers license or spend time with people. And they don’t allow me to go places by myself like the library or the gym or to make new friends. And my Grandpa Billy acts like it is normal to make me cook and clean and take care of my mother without pay while she plays article games. I am 31.
I’m in a new relationship, that I have nearly been in for a year. And got out of a emotionally abusive relationship of almost 6 years that took away so much even almost my family. It’s really hard to recognize the signs especially when you are in denial and won’t wake up. Now I am experiencing the backlash and trauma from it. I just hope it doesn’t affect my current relationship because I really love this new guy. Any advice on what I should do? I was gaslighted and tricked so much. I am going to seek a clinic I just need advice.
If I’m victimized and blaming him for all our issues and think, if only we could change him (with your help or whatever), then everything would be ok, then we could be ok… If we can’t be ok without him being different, could it be time to recast the role of partner? If we need a different one. We can step back and recast. Can I imagine how it must feel on his end to sense that nothing he does would please your partner enough? That she feels he is the cause of her biggest problems in life? Ouch! I’d be sensitive too and defensive or anxious. Right?
I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship and she admits that it was an emotional abusive relationship. But she ended it many years ago and she is not bothered by it anymore, she claims. Is that possible, with out some kind of intervention, to just forget being abused and just move on with your life without it affecting future relationships in some way or with out acting out in some way? If I ask her about it, she says that that was past history and she has moved on. Is she in denial? Do past abused people, many times, refuse to admit that they are not fine? I would love to have a relationship with this girl but many of the things I do like trying to help her, trying to lift her up sometimes sounds like what an abuser does at the beginning. How do I avoid seemingly like an abuser when my honest feelings is just to help and understand her? How do I help her?
I need a legal/governmental infrastructure that offers a clear path to proving the abuse and applying consequences. Especially during and after a divorce. Being in the process now, I’m having to deal with escalated abuses and, according to my lawyer, there’s little to nothing that can be done. With abusers, the process takes significantly longer. So now end I’m victimized even worse then during the marriage – both on an everyday basis and in the future settlement) when I should be in a process that protects me and my kids. (not because I’m a woman, but because we are all emotionally abused.
May statistics show that emotional abuse may be mainly coming from men, it is too much overseen, that men can also be victim of a toxic relationship and mental abuse. I actually do not know what to look for to heal, maybe it is just time. And no matter what sort of therapeutic groups you offer, but these emotional abuser are hardly ever willing to change. On the contrary they rather see themselves as a victim of all misery. Just walking away is the best therapy.
Yes emotionally and spiritual abuse. I’ve been denied winter clothes and told all the clothes were for the homeless. I volunteered at the mission and they had tons of clothes for them and they have apartments. In order to get winter clothes I have to stand in line for clothes with the homeless. I’ve told the pastors of my needs and was denied. I
I am searching and looking for help with my daughter. I do not know where to get advise, court advise and try to get her in therapy. Long story but she just got out of jail for coming at her. (Mom in need of help for my 26 yr old little girl (literally 5’1 110 lbs he’s 6’2 200+ lbs) Please help me…help her.😢
I need to not be physically disabled and crippled and be able to get a decent paying job so I can escape this horrific prison Hell that I have to live in. This person will never change, and having lived through 20 years with a severe addict, liar, thief (steals my medication) destroys my personal items, physically abuses me -I am crippled from an accident and am 61 years old with no way to financially support myself. This is my 2nd long term relationship. When I was young, healthy and able to make a good living, I never put up with crap. Now, I’m in a terrible prison with my 3 dogs, 3 cats, chickens and garden as my only joy. Things in the past 5 years have been so horrible for me, I considered leaving the planet many times but then worry what would happen to my pets, so I stay. After my little buddies get old and pass away, I will join them. No one can imagine what Zi live through so disrespected, screamed at and cursed at, things thrown at me, threatened, struck, brakes slammed on throwing me into the dash, my items stolen, lied to constantly -completely rejected for over 10 years. I have turned into a punching bag. No money and no way out.
Im going thru all this and is so sad how can a human have a heart and be so evil with you even if u gave him a child i ask myself why theres people like that to dont care how u feel and i feel …he makes me feel im the crazy one that i need help of course i need help after treating me like this like if i was nothing this so cruel from someone that u once u loved …but thats true he has along term journey one thing i say no one leaves this world without paying everything they have done god sees everything and life will show u how cruel u been with the people that cared 😢😢😢
I want to leave my boyfriend, but I can’t. He abuses me mentally and blackmails me. If I try to leave he will do something very wrong to me. I’m scared to share my parents too, as I am brought up by a very strict family. All I wnna see myself is moving out from this emotional abusive relationship without causing any problem.
I just wanna say something if you stay and emotionally usive relationships for years like I have, you can actually develop medical problems from Chron’s disease to Ib s to cancers to tumors. I actually got an ulcer at the age of 14. It’s still there. Sometimes it wakes up and reminds me. It’s there, but it’s part of living through the emotional distress. And the physical aftermath of being around that for so long it actually can take a toll on your physical health and catch up with you later in life. I’m speaking from experience I have Developed other medical issues. Because of I am out of that crazy making life now for the past 3 years. I think it’s been no. It’s been 2 years that I got rid of the last narcissist in my life. And it’s slowly helping, but I am got some medical issues because of. Just growing up and abusive life from the age of birth to 50 years old. And I’ve come to the point where I know who I am and I’m grounded in myself but the aftermath of all that abuse for so long. Has put my health in some serious issues. I was already born with a rare blood disease that kills a lot of people. And they don’t live past 30, but I’m 52. And I’m lived with it so that’s a blessing in disguise. I think there is a God because if there wasn’t. I wouldn’t be here sharing my experiences with you. Offering some examples of how you can try to begin to walk down the path of healing. The best way to share stories is to walk through The Valley of death. I call it and to come to the other side in the green pasturesand be grounded and.
Went no contact with MIL and in-laws. MIL created a smear campaign (beginning in 2015), telling in-laws, my husband and our son I was faking chronic pain / chronic illness. Even after I was medically diagnosed in 2019 with Ankylosing Spondylitis. Even during the pandemic, which placed me at risk since I am immunocompromised due to medication I take for a genetic autoimmune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis. Been no contact with MIL and in-laws since November 2023. Husband and grown son are both supportive of my decisions and healthy boundaries. Married for 24 years. ** Toxic people, manipulative people, narcissistic people are NOT “just” men. Narcissist can be women too…….
I have been an emotional abusive in my relationship, I have harmed him How will I be able to make things right. I want to change I have tried to change my behaviour. I don’t want to end things he wants to end things. Please help support me. I am trying my best to change myself. I want to maje things right. Please please please I really love him.
Emotional abuse survivors need: 1. Affordable housing ($750 or less/month with a kitchen and washer and dryer, utilities included) 2. A living wage 3. For allies to listen and not judge 4. People who want to help, refrain from talking in a baby voice and/or trying to control the victims with weird restrictions and requirements that you would never put on yourself
Apart from money owed, I need nothing at all in relation to him. Whether he changes or not makes no difference to me. It is literally deadly to hold your health and sanity health hostage waiting for some kind of epiphany on the part of those who harm you. I strongly encourage other commenting to plan your life on the basis that there will be no epiphany. You cannot win with these people. They are sad and pitiable, not you.
What we really need, is discussing…advice,what our options are. No, what you get is you have to talk, talk, talk. Tell the patient the narc cannot change. He’ll destroy you and damage the children. Get away.from the moster. It does not help to yalk and talk, it upsets us even much worse! Given honest.ADVICE
Right now….I need a break from him. I need months away from him. To just breathe easier, relax, talk to good people. I need that time to remember WHO I WAS, before all these decades with this thing. I could start thinking straight, not ge confused, worried for awhile. But, I have nowhere to go. I am physically disabled for a few years, now, and this man is my caretaker now! I have nowhere to go, no means to get there, and no longer have my own money, just a disability check. He spent all of our money, and mine.
I desperately want to die. I’m in to much pain to go on. EXCRUCIATING DEBILITATING TRAUMATIZING EMOTIONAL PAIN. Submerged in darkness. Paralyzed with panic. He raped my soul with the way he threw me away. Absolutely raped my soul. I MISS HIM AND OUR CONNECTION AND OUR CONVERSATIONS, WITH ALL MY SOUL. HE REPLACED ME. Abandoned and betrayed. Discarded like trash. Grief consumes me. I am traumatized and terrorized. I have nobody, I’m all alone, and the suffering is immense and intense. He – the man I called my best friend – gave me PTSD. Severe PTSD. He left me in February. Discarded me like garbage. The grief is unbearable. He left me. Replaced me. My “best friend”. The only friend I had. The ultimate betrayal. How the actual fuck could he do this to me? We went from speaking every single day about every damn thing, and now we’re strangers! I AM TORMENTED AND TORTURED AND HAUNTED. AND SO FUCKING DESPERATELY ALL ALONE. The pain and the panic and the terror are truly unbearable.
My immediate answer to your first question was: I need you to tell me exactly what to do each step of the way how to LEAVE him forever and ever.. hold me accountable, tell me how to do it, how to do it for the last time. He will never change. And now after 20 years he knows I will never leave. It’s a living nightmare.
There are emotionally abusive women as well. This article could address this issue too or at least mention it. Societally, we’re accustomed to hearing about women being abused by men. Abuse of men in relationships is a bit like a dirty little secret. People, especially the men who are living with it, don’t talk about it — even if they realize it’s happening.
Ive left and need to be able to cry again from being shut off since October. How do I turn my feelings back on? Everytime I get teary eyed, it shuts of. I hear them (There has been many, its been going on for decades) “You disgusting sickly bitch” and my feelings shuts off. How do I break this? Ive been to therapy but the psychologist just said “This could be temporary or permanent” And the therapy is over. Wth di I do? I have to live this way forever now?
What i get is exclusive to one area and that is I keep trying to do creative activies which I am expeienced qualified and knowlefgeable in and he discourages me, tells me hings like, ‘ that works for that person may not for you, ans yes but yes but yesbut everything. I am trying to raise our low incomr into one where I can pay for things beyond clothes at the rag market = which means we have loads of clothes we do t need and all we can do is buy more. We are on pensions and his is really low as he didnt pay stamps, we depend on family to buy everything. I try, i want to try but he discouragesmr ans puts me down
Thank you. The pain is real and agonizing. I know what I need. I am going to other family members in a separate state. My home state. Where I grew up in the house I grew up in. I leave behind to adult daughters and three grandchildren that are somehow part of the pain. I’m 74 years old coming from a 48yr marrige. The pain is agonizing but I am stepping out in Faith with the Creator who brought me through all the years to this point. Dying would be so much easier but if I wanted that it would have happened years ago. I could be reached on Facebook messenger if you want but I am going.