To foster a stable relationship with your child, it is essential to show unconditional love and acceptance. Encourage your child to express their emotions and feelings appropriately, and invest time, attention, and effort into a series of actions and strategies.
To create a closer connection with your child, aim for 12 hugs or physical interactions daily. Model appropriate behaviors and teach them valuable lessons, such as treating people according to core values. Play is an excellent way to bond with your children, helping them learn important life skills and social skills.
Responsive caregiving involves attuning to a child’s needs, cues, and emotions. By identifying and responding to their love language, you can create a safe, stable, and nurturing environment that helps children. Tips for increasing connection with your child include welcoming their emotions, listening, and empathizing.
Show unconditional love and acceptance by letting your child know that you love them unconditionally, regardless of their actions or behaviors. Listen and empathize with your child, fostering mutual respect. Notice what your child is doing and encourage it without giving directions all the time. Check in periodically with your kids and make sure you are speaking their love language so they truly know how much you love them.
Cultivate thriving relationships by expressing care and nurturing relationships by challenging emotional security. A loving and secure marriage environment fosters emotional security in children, who feel safe knowing their parents have a strong bond and are committed to their well-being.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| 10 Tips For Building A Stable Relationship With Your Child | 1. Show Unconditional Love and Acceptance: Let your child know that you love them unconditionally, regardless of their actions or behaviours. | positiveyoungmind.com |
| 8 Ways to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship | Try to see things from your child’s perspective. By listening and empathizing with your child, you will begin to foster mutual respect. | familyservicesnew.org |
| Positive relationships: parents & children | Show acceptance, let your child be, and try not to give directions all the time. · Notice what your child is doing and encourage it without … | raisingchildren.net.au |
📹 Partner with CPTSD? These Tips Can Help You Have a Great Relationship
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How To Heal From Lack Of Affection As A Child?
Encouraging verbal affection in children promotes expression of feelings through compliments and words of encouragement. Spending quality time engaged in enjoyable activities can help heal lingering effects of an unloving childhood. It’s important to remember that healing is always possible, regardless of past emotional neglect. Adults affected by this may struggle with their identity and a sense of self-worth, often internalizing feelings of rejection from childhood experiences.
Emotional neglect can have lifelong impacts on mental health, including difficulties in adult relationships and increased chances of depression. Recognizing the signs of emotional neglect and understanding its effects is crucial for healing. Some strategies include learning triggers, practicing self-care, establishing boundaries, and engaging in inner child work. Journaling daily can also be therapeutic, allowing for a release of emotions. Building healthy relationships may take time, but it’s essential to assess current patterns and prioritize self-love.
Caregivers must provide emotional support and validation during a child's formative years, as studies indicate that unconditional love fosters emotional well-being in children, making them happier and less anxious. The journey of healing requires patience and effort but leads to a more fulfilling life.
How Do I Build A Strong Relationship With My Child?
Building a strong relationship with your child is essential for their emotional well-being and development. Here are some effective strategies to foster this bond:
- Encourage your child to express their emotions and validate those feelings.
- Aim for daily physical connections, like 12 hugs, to enhance security.
- Engage in activities together, promoting learning of social skills.
- Build trust through open communication, empathy, and active listening.
- Use simple actions to demonstrate love, such as saying "I love you" often.
- Play together and be distraction-free to promote bonding.
- Create special family traditions and focus on positive interactions.
- Foster an open dialogue and honesty, ensuring age-appropriate discussions.
- Make time for family meals, fostering connection over shared experiences.
- Remember that gentle physical touches can reinforce affection.
Building a strong bond takes planning and commitment, yet the rewards include a nurturing environment where children feel valued and understood. These strategies, while simple, can significantly impact the parent-child relationship.
Why Is It Important To Build A Strong Relationship With Your Child?
Building a strong relationship with your child is crucial for their emotional, social, and cognitive development, providing a sense of safety and security. The parent-child relationship (PCR) serves as the basis for children's interactions with others and shapes their future relationships and self-esteem. To nurture this bond, prioritize one-on-one time engaging in enjoyable activities, practice attentive listening, and demonstrate affection regularly.
Establishing open communication, empathy, trust, and respect fosters a nurturing environment. Practical strategies to strengthen this connection include welcoming emotions, active listening, and creating a safe space for shared experiences.
Family Services offers support through parenting classes and workshops, emphasizing the significance of loving interactions, praise, and quality time. Connection should be woven into daily routines, even amidst busy lives, as these small moments contribute to a robust relationship. Engaging in warm, loving exchanges cultivates children's resilience and communication skills, essential for navigating life's challenges and forming healthy relationships in adulthood.
Parents should view their role as building meaningful connections that promote positive values and emotional security. Investing time in a strong bond not only benefits the child’s mental well-being but also leads to improved cooperation and reduced disciplinary issues, reinforcing the idea that a heartfelt connection is foundational for both parenting and child development.
What Counts As Evidence Of Relationship?
To prepare your I-130 petition package, gather evidence of your genuine relationship, known as a bona fide marriage, which is valid and not solely for immigration benefits. Important documents include tenancy or mortgage agreements, utility bills, and official forms of ID that display both partners' addresses. Providing historical context, such as five photos taken over five years, strengthens your case more than ten recent photos.
A variety of evidence is essential, aiming for 50-200 unique pieces, demonstrating your commitment to living together, such as joint lease agreements, shared bank accounts, life insurance policies, and wills.
Additional proof can include travel documentation, letters, cards, and an assortment of photographs. For K1 fiancé visa applicants, evidence must reflect a real relationship, including an intention to marry a U. S. citizen met in person in the last two years. Other helpful materials are wedding-related items like invitations, sign-in books, and newspaper engagement announcements. Overall, a comprehensive depiction of your shared life, finances, and familial connections is crucial for proving your relationship's authenticity and satisfying USCIS requirements.
What Does Lack Of Motherly Love Do To A Child?
Attachment issues can arise in children due to a lack of maternal affection, making it challenging for them to form secure relationships in adulthood. This absence of love can lead to low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, increased anxiety, and depression. Maternally deprived children often struggle with stress stemming from inconsistent parental treatment and mood fluctuations. The inherent need for maternal love remains strong, and its absence can manifest in adulthood as a lack of confidence, trust issues, and difficulty in setting boundaries.
Research highlights that childhood neglect is linked to higher risks of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and personality disorders later in life. Healing is possible through professional help, self-care techniques, and support groups. Signs of emotional detachment or lack of recognition may appear in parent-child relationships, alongside feelings of helplessness in socially deprived infants. The cycle of emotional neglect and trauma can perpetuate across generations, impacting children's ability to bond and respond to their own children's needs. Ultimately, the consequences of childhood emotional neglect can have profound and lasting implications on mental health and interpersonal relationships.
How Can Parents Show Love And Affection?
Physical contact, such as cuddling, carrying, and holding hands, plays a crucial role in helping children release natural chemicals that promote well-being and brain development. Love and affection from parents significantly impact children's development and future relationships, extending beyond basic needs to encompass emotional support and a nurturing environment. Despite busy lives, taking a moment to provide a loving embrace can be pivotal.
Research indicates that unconditional love from parents contributes to children's emotional happiness and reduces anxiety. Recognizing various ways parents can express love, such as through showing affection and verbal affirmations, is essential for maintaining healthy relationships with children.
When parents model affection in their interactions, it teaches children positive communication and interaction skills. Even when physical touch may feel overwhelming for a child, alternatives like verbal affirmations and proximity can still convey love. Creative expressions of love, like hugs, kisses, hand-holding, or shared activities, can significantly affect a child's emotional life. Small gestures and routines can reinforce this bond, making children feel appreciated and secure.
Ultimately, everyday expressions of love are as important as special occasions, creating lasting emotional footprints. Supporting emotional growth through physical affection and quality time fosters resilience and well-being in children, contributing positively to their mental health.
How Can We Help Our Children Foster Positive Relationships?
Helping children foster positive relationships lacks a definitive guide, but parents play a crucial role through modeling behavior and guiding socialization experiences. By demonstrating core values, engaging empathetically, and encouraging children to express their needs, parents can promote healthy interactions. Emotional connections built on trust and safety enable children to confidently express themselves and develop social skills. Prioritizing open communication, affection, and quality time strengthens the parent-child bond, which is foundational to emotional and social development.
Additionally, fostering skills such as empathy, conflict resolution, and cultural appreciation supports children's interactions with others. Establishing routines, such as morning greetings and predictable rituals, helps children feel secure, further enhancing their ability to form trusting relationships. It’s essential for parents to model respect and mindful communication, embrace diversity, and provide support when needed. Through these proactive measures, children learn essential social-emotional skills that contribute to their overall well-being and success.
In summary, nurturing responsive, caring relationships equips children with the tools necessary for thriving in their communities and builds a strong foundation for their future interpersonal interactions.
What Is Cold Mother Syndrome?
Cold Mother Syndrome, or Maternal Emotional Neglect, describes a parenting style where mothers exhibit emotional distance, lack of warmth, and unresponsiveness towards their children. This emotional unavailability can lead to neglect of a child's emotional needs, resulting in insecure attachment styles and lasting effects on the child's emotional and psychological well-being. Mothers affected by this syndrome often demonstrate limited empathy, creating an atmosphere where children may feel abandoned, insecure, and unvalued for who they are.
Instead of nurturing, these mothers may fulfill basic needs but leave their children emotionally unsupported. This can severely hinder a child’s ability to express emotions and trust others. Recognizing Cold Mother Syndrome is crucial for understanding its impacts on individuals, as this non-clinical term captures the experiences of children with emotionally distant caregivers, which can extend to fathers or other family members. The effects of such a parenting style can lead to difficulties in adult relationships, anxiety, and emotional suppression.
Overall, Cold Mother Syndrome reflects the challenges faced when a mother cannot connect with her child's emotional world, emphasizing the importance of emotional warmth and connection in healthy child development. Understanding these dynamics is essential for healing and moving forward.
What Makes A Child Feel Unloved?
Several factors contribute to children feeling unloved, the most significant being childhood abuse and neglect. Such experiences deprive them of basic emotional needs, affecting their self-esteem and sense of belonging. Children interpret a lack of affection as rejection, which can manifest in adulthood as fear, unhealthy attachments, and mistrust in relationships, especially friendships. Unloved children often harbor resentment and anger towards those who receive love, and they may struggle with emotional regulation as a result.
The mismatch between parents' expressions of love and children’s perceptions further exacerbates feelings of neglect. External life changes, such as puberty and academic pressures, along with busy schedules, can limit opportunities for quality time and bonding, contributing to a child’s sense of isolation. Although a childhood filled with feelings of unworthiness can lead to lasting psychological effects, healing is achievable.
Parents must actively engage in understanding their children’s feelings and communicate love in ways that resonate with them. Encouraging children to express their emotions openly can bridge the gap between perceived neglect and genuine affection, facilitating healthier emotional development.
What Happens To Children Who Don'T Get Affection?
Children raised without affectionate parents often experience low self-esteem and feelings of alienation, hostility, aggression, and anti-social behavior. Recent studies reveal a strong connection between parental affection and children's happiness and success. A notable consequence of insufficient affection in childhood is the struggle to identify and manage emotions healthily. Children from unloving backgrounds struggle with emotional recognition, leading to issues in cognitive, physical, and emotional development.
A lack of warmth from parental figures can instill feelings of worthlessness, resulting in anxiety and maladaptive coping mechanisms. This emotional deprivation, especially from mothers, manifests through signs like difficulty in forming close relationships, hyper-independence, and an ongoing search for validation. Children deprived of affection often fail to develop essential social skills, leading to behavioral problems and conditions like Reactive Attachment Disorder, where they cannot properly give or receive love.
Physical and emotional distancing, such as the absence of hugs and comfort, signals a lack of affection. In adulthood, traits from this unloving upbringing include mistrust in relationships and a fear of closeness. However, healing is possible. Acknowledging these challenges and fostering secure emotional connections can provide the essential affection children need to thrive.
How Do You Prove A Relationship To Your Child?
To establish a parent-child relationship, various documents may be required, including a minor's U. S. Birth Certificate that lists both parents' names, a Consular Report of Birth Abroad, or a Foreign Birth Certificate. An adoption decree, custody court order, or evidence of physical custody can also serve to demonstrate the relationship, indicating primary parental control. For proving a mother-child relationship, an acceptable birth certificate reflecting a biological link suffices, unless the child is permanently adopted by another party.
Additional support may be needed for children born out of wedlock. Any document submitted must be original. During divorce proceedings, factors such as parental alienation can affect custody determinations, necessitating clear evidence of familial connections. Hurt feelings may impact decisions regarding custody arrangements, sometimes invoking Child Welfare Services in cases of unfit parenting. To verify a marriage for immigration purposes, a civil marriage certificate should also be included.
Confirmations like letters of support may bolster the case for genuine relationships. Ultimately, to validate a parent-child relationship, essential documents such as birth certificates, marriage certificates, or adoption paperwork can be used, with careful attention to accuracy and originality. It is crucial to maintain meaningful connections between parents and children, promoting a nurturing family environment.
📹 8 Ways to Improve Parent Child Relationship
How do you have a better relationship with your parents? How as parents can you have a better relationship with your child?
I’m so deeply grateful for my partner of 23 years; his love has been transformative. One of the most helpful things he does when I’m angry and disregulated, is to listen calmly to what I have to say, and then repeat back to me what he understood. He doesn’t say he agrees or that I’m right; he simply checks in with a “what I’m hearing is…Did I get that fully?” My nervous system is so soothed by this, and over time I’ve learned to offer this kind of mirroring to him as well.
I almost broke up with my boyfriend because I felt like he doesn’t deserve to be with a partner who has all the trauma I have, I thought to myself “He deserves someone who grew up in a loving home like he did so she can love him the way he deserves, I don’t know how to do that” but seeing this article is such an amazing confirmation that I made the right choice by staying with him, we can make this work and I can love him the way he deserves.❤️
Ive started to date this girl that used to be my friend. She reconnected as friends to catch up. One thing led to another and we kissed, i refused sex on the first night even though she wanted to. I dissociate during intimacy and i told her about it. She knows about my past abuse and pain, she used to comfort me when i was sad, still does to this day. She respects my decisions, she respects the fact that it takes time for me to be comfortable intimately and weve grown very close. Now i can kiss her without closing my eyes, she makes me feel wanted and loved, its truly healing. Ive cried the first time we were intimate, i told her that im not used to love and affection. She told me its ok, she can provide that for me, stroked my hair to help me fall asleep. Good people are out there.
I find disregulation comes one of two ways, it either sneaks up on me slowly or hits me like a freight train. I have the best thing my partner can do when it hits me like a freight train it’s it state things in simple facts like, “you’re safe” “I’m not mad” etc and allowing silence. I’m so grateful for her loving me in this way.
Questions can overwhelm them during disregulation? This is a revelation to me. My wife used to get upset sometimes when I asked questions about herself or something that happened. I couldn’t understand why, because literally every other wife I had ever known wished their husband would take more of an interest in their day or their life in general. So I couldn’t understand why simple questions seemed to be too much for her. Now I understand. Thank you for this. It was very helpful.
Things that partner can do: 1. noitice dis-regulation 2. reduce overwhelm (don’t ask too many questions and slow down and keep voice gentle, but don’t mention you are doing this) 3. mention what you are noticing (you are overwhelm) and ask is there anything I can do? would a hug help 4. get a little space with a specific timeline (e.g: 1 hr apart) so dis-regulation can be discharged. But don’t mention dis-regulation. But no threatening or give the silent treatment. 5. very gently and polite suggest doing the daily practice (writing + meditating). or you can do it and invite them to do it with you
Anna, thanks for trying to address this topic. I tried for 34 years of marriage. But my wife could not admit that she had cptsd, would not recognize or apologize for abuse – even after years of therapy and couples counseling. She could not let go of blame as her defense. Sadly she is even worse since I left 10 months ago- the abandonment wound is too deep. Love doesn’t heal her. It took me years of therapy and work to address my own cptsd. If they can’t admit the problem there is no recovery. I know you do a lot of tough love articles on this.
I just got diagnosed with cptsd, and wow, I was not expecting it at all. At first I was like “ok I’m good” then hrs later I started to feel down about it because I realized how disfunction I can be to myself and others. I don’t even mean to be that way.I over think alot, over talk; (because I want to make sure my point gets across), and always in my head about issues I can’t resolve. I worry over little things that trigger my anxiety. And have anger issues. It’s a lot for me to deal with myself. For the most part, i look stable, carry great conversations, but can get easily triggered by things a person might (taking it the wrong way) It will take a patient, understanding type of person to deal with someone like myself. I have a big heart, and it’s hard for a lot of people to see because I don’t project as someone who is kind…..Alot to learn. All I have to say is stay away from people who trigger you. And take the appropriate therapy for this type, which is DBT or EMDR. Good Luck to those who have this. ❤
This article made me cry. I’m still in the early stages of healing, my partner is amazing, and we have learning moments for us both. It’s very very hard. Any relationship would for anyone going through this kind of healing journey – relationships can be triggering – but having someone who’s not going anywhere, who’s patient and willing enough to learn with you, is so incredible. I feel sorry that he has to go thru this with me, but I’m thankful he’s here.
You truly are a fairy 🧚 god bless you! I do have such CPTSD Nuggets of wisdom. I definitely suffer from CPTSD (as does my partner who also was diagnosed with BPD) and perusal this, I not only was able to diagnose, but also, it helped me see where I have made foul-ups in my relationship. Thank you 🙏🏻 have a blessed day! And know that to ever is out there reading this – you are lovable and you can heal! There will always be hope. 🙇♂️☁️🌈🌈
I could never understand why, while loathing drama, I did so much to create it. My overwhelming emotions nearly always resulted in threats to break up or run away during conflicts with my partners. All I knew was that I needed to run because I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. I felt and looked like a lunatic and knew how crazy my behaviour was, but I felt powerless to change it. I would make a firm promise to myself never to do it again, but boom, during the next conflict, I was doing it again. As maddening as it is to be the erratic person, how frustrating it must have been for my partners. 😔
I was married to someone with CPTSD. She was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD, but I always had a sense that this wasn’t the whole picture. I remember asking my own therapist several times if there was a form of PTSD that is centered around attachment and relationships. I was blamed daily, sometimes several times a day for her triggers. No matter how hard I tried to change everything about myself, none of it made any difference. All of our arguments centered around her extreme reactivity and me trying to get her to see that her reaction was 1000x more destructive than anything she was trying to blame me for. I can remember perusal Jeopardy on the couch together and making a tiny comment, that slightly disagreed with something she had said and spending literally the next 4 and a half hours listening to her rant and spin out in circles trying to reconcile her reaction, but never apologizing or owning anything she did. This kind of interaction was my entire life. Basically, it reached a point where I had to admit to myself that I was in an abusive marriage and put up hard boundaries. Also unfortunate that we saw a couple’s therapist who didn’t know anything about CPTSD and we spent the whole time discussing how I can change, be more empathetic, etc instead of ever talking about the underlying issue. Sadly, we divorced. It is a no contact situation for me. I appreciate these articles, though. It’s really validating and healing for me to know that I wasn’t the cause of all her panic and disregulation.
I needed to find this today. I was ready to walk. Tired of being blamed for things I didn’t do. Tired of the lack of any healthy communication. Tired of tension and stress and negativity and all the fear based thinking. It’s exhausting and doesn’t align with who I am at all. It’s all much better than it used to be but it’s taken its toll on my health. I can do this another day and maybe your articles can inspire him to do his part, which he’s been unwilling to do because every therapist weve been to wants him to talk about the trauma and he can’t and won’t. Fingers crossed he can understand when I present your articles that I’m not trying to fix him, I’m trying to make thisxa partnership. If there are any ideas as to how to best present this, please throw them at me.
Thank you for teaching me healthy boundaries and expectations! ❤️ I was raised to tolerate everyone else but never advocate for my own needs so I’m working on speaking up. However, when I do find people who respect me and welcome my needs I tend to ask for too much that can border on excessive catering. Your articles are so helpful with teaching me how to find and practice balance.
My best friend and roommate for 15 years has both schizophrenia and this ptsd. It hasn’t been till just now that I’ve realized he has this. We have started to argue almost every day this year. I need to learn so much. Having this double whammy is exhausting but he is such a beautiful soul. I feel like God put us together for a reason. I’m committed to help him everyday and I’m in tears to think that I may have been handling this all wrong for years. Thank you for the article, it has helped. I have some reading to do.
beyond grateful for this article. this is my wife and I currently. She has disrespected me in so many ways and i have become a doormat. I have made mistakes in the past but that has become the area of focus allowing my wife to take zero responsibility for her actions. I have to remove myself from the toxicity for now but hopefully with counseling and various treatments she can get the help that she needs, learn to apologize, and realize just how awesome i am and how strong our relationship can be. maybe i’ll give an update in a year but she is right. we do not need to put up with emotional abuse
When I was engaged,I dragged my fiancé (with ptsd) to a recommended counselor for some pre-marital advice only to have the counselor say he had nothing to offer us until we came with real problems. I was so frustrated! My fiancé already demonstrated disregulation and I knew if I married him it was going to be hard. I did marry him and it was terribly difficult. I’m frustrated that that counselor couldn’t offer some of the basic advice that you offer in this article. 10 years later we are still married. But it’s been really hard. I really appreciated this article because it validates that there was advice I should have received to help me from the beginning! Everything you share I now know because I learned it the hard way from trial and error. Also I appreciated you thanking me for hanging in there and loving my spouse. My spouse has thanked me but it felt nice that you said it too. I’ve built a lot of resilience but it has come at a cost to my own emotional wellbeing a lot of the time. Thank you.
Raised with two parents with cptsd and addiction. The funny thing is that I later got an addiction myself. Men with cptsd. I can feel the smell and the energy when I meet them. They remind me of home. I recognize a lot in what you write, I became fearful and avoidant. But worked many years with myself. The addictions I got. Was wanting to help men with cptsd. A long hard work on myself. Got ptsd and became fearful and aviodant. Never let go of myself. Became a doormat. But stop now. Am 49 years old now and want to be part of my own life. No more abandoholic. Took care of both my parents since I was 7. Now it’s time for me to live. Will never be bitter. Get up and see this today as an experience. But the road there was painful. But had to go through it all. Got out Out of myself. Get to know myself. Lost myself at the age of 7. Now I am the main role in my own life.
Thank you for this article. It’s been very hard. I have a habit of taking my partners feelings personally / taking on responsibility and it very much disrupts her ability to self-regulate. The symptoms are bad esp because of a toxic job she’s taken. It’s almost daily at this point where there’s a “trigger spiral”, and I have a lot of the techniques. In the moment, I tend to forget that she has CPTSD and i get all judgemental about why she’s thinking about something in a certain way. When I remember, I definitely assume the role of the “fixer” and present, that’s definitely created some barriers. It’s difficult emotionally right now and has been for the last 2.5 years, and she doesn’t trust me to be a safe space, which hurts more than anything. I also think that I might have some symptoms of (more minor) CPTSD as well, which makes it doubly hard. I definitely am very impatient about talking through things as soon as they come up, which creates more opportunities for trigger spirals. Our love is so epic and so worth this work, and I really appreciate these articles to tap into to remind myself that it’s not her fault, it’s not my fault (even when I’m blamed), and my work is to stay stable, and create boundaries. My next step is to create shared values and agreements about behavior that we can go back to during times like that. Grateful for your wisdom. THANK YOU!
I am showing this to someone very special to me, and I hope it will help her feel less guilty about not being able to fix me. Your articles have been sooooooooo helpful! I can now regain my agency and self respect by taking my healing into my own hands, and not imposing it on others. I am going through the best time of my life literally right now. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU <3
Thank you so much for your insights and wisdom. It’s only in the last few years that ive been diagnosed with cptsd and its great to finally understand why my behaviours happen. Im not giving up and working on myself is now something i enjoy doing. Im so lucky to have my wife of 17 yrs. She does alot of what you recommend naturally . This will help her and myself so much . Thank you.
It’s painful to find out that my wife (after 19years )actually had trauma from past and was in frozen mode the whole time,I thought out relationship tried talking to her but seems like I was just pushed away …hoping things would change but without anything changing, there was a lot of things didn’t add up and finally when I couldn’t live with it anymore and snapped (her nor me being aware of the trauma being there)I was ready to leave she said something that helped me understand and help her through this trauma and now we are carefully working through this together and she’s getting better….one day at a time
This made me realize my partner has never been supportive of my CPTSD… he basically bullied me into hiding my symptoms, he just didn’t want to deal with them, and he would get verbally cruel about them. “ANXIETY ANXIETY ANXIETY THATS ALL YOU EVER ARE!!!!” He screamed that at me as loud as he could while hitting his head against a steering wheel… when I realized his bullying had WORSENED my condition, it broke me deep down. I am currently weighing my options on if it would be worse to stay or leave
Sometimes he’s angry with me, but most of the time he’s just angry with everything. Dropping a spoon or getting his feet coiled up in the shop vac will create a string of cussing, swearing, throwing things. Living with this for so long, it always feels like the anger is my fault, even if it’s not directed at me. It’s like being around second-hand smoke. I don’t know if this sounds strange, but he also has a passive/aggressive quality while in the dysregulation.
Thank you SO much for this article. It answered so many questions for me, although in my case I was looking for ways to support my mother, with whom I live, who I know has CPTSD and so do I. She is 79 and I have seen this brain fog, which made me worried that she has dementia, but I know she had a traumatic childhood. Now I need to be supportive while maintaining my own sanity. I’m so relieved to find some answers!
My partner and I both suffer from CPTSD. We love each other. I don’t think we want to be without each other. I’m in your course. He is not. He also has addiction issues. I hope with me getting to the next level of healing that he with see how helpful and her help as well. I encourage but I’m still learning how to do this and keep myself regulated
I love the mother of my children so much. I’ve asked her to try and help me understand CPTSD but she offered me nothing. She told me to just be calm speaking and when I was it didn’t change a thing. I could never disagree with her without being told I’m “gaslighting” her. I always told her I heard her and accepted her feelings and opinions, but I was told by her that I never validated her. I did exactly as she asked, and somehow, I was still wrong. We are no longer together and not even on speaking terms. It’s heartbreaking, to say the least.
My husband has CPSD. His parents were dreadful to him, and his mother remains false sugar and exploitative. His father has passed away. He also had some very traumatic experiences in past romantic relationships because he was involved with women like his own mother. I had a loving, secure childhood, but suffer from severe hereditary depression and have physical handicaps. I also have ADHD. We’ve been married 10 years, and been together and in love for 12. He’s an amazing man who has done so much for us both, and I’m just in love as ever. We’ve conquered and survived trials that many WITHOUT our challenges would have given up on, and I’m proud of us both. However he does have explosive outbursts and does blame me for his actions and feelings. Some of his words and actions are totally unacceptable. I do my best to stay calm, and forgive him while ALSO holding him accountable. We have children and he’s an incredibly loving father. The kids are part of the environment we create, which is part of why healing is so vital. I need a support group. Who else out there has been in my place? What helped you?
Thank you for helping me. My mom had a stroke, and it feels like her disregulation has become unbearable for her. I am trying to support my mom and my own CPTSD has become extreme. I haven’t felt this way since I was a teenager. I get triggered too often. I’m doing my best to stay grounded so that I can be a support to my mom. I’m open to any suggestions if someone else has been in this type of situation with a stroke victim. Or any input at all is welcome. Right now I’m just taking it one day at a time. 🙏❤️
Thanks for putting this out. God knows I could have used a family that understood these things but what would help me more is information about what you do when find your loved one have been using it against you intentional for many years through narcissism! I had distanced myself only to discover it was being used against me so its been hard to balance out since there such a sense of betrayal.
I’m really grateful for your website and particularly this article. I wish could have been exposed to your content sooner as I’ve filed for divorce a while ago against my now ex wife who has CPTSD. As an empath with a low sense of self worth and lack of self love who deals with people pleasing and codependency, I couldn’t deal with my ex wife’s symptoms of dysregulation. It hurt too much for me, so much so that I would yell in response. Later on, I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and I would experience suicidal ideation often. I wanted to help, but I believe my above mentioned traits of myself made it impossible for me to deal with it because I wasn’t secure enough in myself to objectively see and understand what was going on. Now that my ex and I have had our space, physical and emotionally, and I’m recovering, healing, and growing from my negative traits of lack of self worth, lack of self love, people pleasing, and codependency, to establishing self love an acceptance of who I am and am recovering from people pleasing and the toxic empathy. I’m actually really considering going back to support her healing and establish a new better environment for our children than we previously had since I feel more secure in doing so. However, I speculate that she might not even want me back at all since I already abandoned the relationship. Also, healing is possible on her own, and she doesn’t need me in this regard. But I felt like the recent discovery for me of what really was going on, instead of our historic mislabeling both of us with either borderline personality disorder or covert narcissism or other kinds of gaslighting from both sides, really me inspired to go back, apologize for abandoning the relationship, share with her that I finally really do understand, at least intellectually and emphatically, what she’s going through and what I was going through, and be a genuine support through her healing even if it means experiencing all the things you mentioned in this article again, plus now the added layer of mistrust since I left.
I have a friend, who Ive developed feeling for, i know is disregulated cause she told me. Not 100% she CPTSD, but there seem to be clues, such as her isolating. I know I have to be super patient with her, learning to be with her has been and interesting journey, more with my ADHD. I think she worth to be loved and be understood. I believe we all deserved to be loved. Im working along with my therapist, so I dont get injured along the way.
I wish I watched this article when I was with my ex-girlfriend. I broke up with her because I didn’t understand what was going on with me at the time. Now that I understand, I see things differently now. I was scared of the possibility of being alone forever but now I don’t doubt that possibility anymore
Both me & my husband suffer from cpsd, I have learned to somewhat regulate myself but when he is triggered I find it especially difficult because he gets violent, not towards me but the furniture and other objects. He has been in therapy for over 20 years and I feel that have not helped him at all. Thank you so much for these articles.
My husband has CPTSD and is currently diss regulated my type of personality is that let me help you fix this problem kind of personality and I have come to know that my husband doesn’t want me to help him. He just wants me to support him but I didn’t know how to so here I am looking at this article trying to learn how to support him properly. I know that he needs time to figure things out on his own, but he hasn’t started his healing journey yet, but I’m grateful for this article because I’ve been trying to stand up for myself throughout his dysregulation, and it’s been causing a lot of fights between us.
My mom has CPTSD. I love her and she be great. The issue I have as her adult daughter (I have 3 minor sisters who she’s wonderful with) is that the support only goes one way. I have trauma too. It’s way less, I don’t even meet the criteria for PTSD, but there’s no room for my trauma in our relationship if it looks different than hers. While she believes in working on her issues, she also makes sure to let us know if something triggers her and asks us not to do those things. I think that’s perfectly reasonable, but if I try to do the same, she tells me that it’s my issue to fix and refuses to make any accommodation for it or even validate my feelings. It leaves me constantly holding back in our relationship and I don’t know what I can do about it. She’s not part of my emotional support system and this point because she’s not capable of it, but she’s deeply hurt by that and can’t understand why I won’t open up.
I wish I’d had this information 6 months ago, you see I fell in love with a beautiful woman who is suffering from CPTSD and wasn’t prepared for what was to come. I moved from the US to be with her in Scotland and it was 4 months of the best and worst experience of my life. She endured a horrific childhood, one of 5 children, and one of the two girls born to the family. One of violence, abuse, alcohol, and behavior that can only be called insane, by her parents. A father who sexually abused her, terrified the family, beat her mother, and a mother who as a result of this abuse by her father, became nearly as monstrous. I would love to be able to offer any support to her, but it may be too late…..as I said, I didn’t realize the extent of the disorder until it was too late. I reacted as if she was navigating her emotions normally and not from what this disorder produces. I often times didn’t even know what set her off, I know now it wasn’t even me most of the time. I have moved back to the US, but am planning on returning to Scotland with hopes of seeing her better prepared for what may come.
My Wife has CPTSD and BPD and I love her with all my heart but it is a wild rider with ups and downs I studied for 4years to just try and understand why she is the way she is and I find out she had cptsd and bpd. I have ASD High Functioning and it makes it way crazy hard to understand we’re she was coming from but I fight through all the hard times and tried crazy hard to learn what was going on in her head note I am Nero divergent and think different then A Neuro typical person. So you could only try to understand how hard it is for me to think and talk about feelings in the same way as a person with CPTSD AND BPD. I LOVED HER MORE THEN ANYTHING AND STILL DO. Is it easy in anyway NO it is not but I will say this as a high functioning person With ASD she could never push me away far enough for me to ever leave her. She is my heart and I am trying to learn a way to cure CPTSD AND BPD not for me but for her. I hate seeing her pain and her pain after her spits and how she feels after.
I’m sorry for my partner a TBI and this combined destroyed any chance. She has as well this PTSD from a narcissist mother and I love her before the concussions I was in control completely and now I just can’t save us both and neither can she. I miss her she’s my best friend she’s the person I love more than anything
One of the biggest reasons why many people don’t choose to be there for those with CPTSD is due to ignorance by definition. There is so much to know, and the “average” person doesn’t care enough to know. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they don’t care, but it’s not common for the average person to get involved in the psych space. Even then, a lot of people are also blinded by moralism, so even if they know you’re troubled, it’s nearly a 50-50% chance that they don’t find the ends justify the means. Encouraging growth and forgiveness is key. Granted, there are SO MANY of those out there who do choose to love and respect, and understand – kudos to them and those of you, or your loved ones, who do. My Fiance and I both developed this understanding and continue to try and learn more.
Growing up i could see that my father was a raging mystery. We could never understand why he’s like that, but we always knew that he had a bad childhood. Recently i started thinking that he can be a narcissist. But I found your articles and now i understand that he most likely has cptsd. But i won’t even suggest that to him, he’ll just take it as a criticism and get sulky, then ragy again. I’m still very hurt by his behavior and stay no contact. My older brother has symptoms of cptsd himself probably as a result of growing up with a parent like that. My dad made sure my brother isn’t happy in his adult life, for that i cannot forgive him. My father MUST HAVE known deep down that HE needs to work on himself. I watch these articles in support of my poor brother, not to excuse my dad.
My wife and I are going through marriage counseling. She has childhood trauma that was never dealt with. I bought a different house and sold the one we moved out of so we didn’t have to live next to her dad anymore. She was spiraling out of control and was blaming me for everything that was wrong with her. I was so done. She finally agreed to get counseling and we are getting better but I still have my exit open if she refuses to admit I am not the entire problem. I am not one to cheat but I have other women who are sooo nice to me and actually like me. I am way too nice and put up with too much when I should have walked away.
For me, it kind of was my wife’s fault she has adhd and had a tendency to micro-cheat dopamine deficiency, which brought it back out after ot being dormant for years… So now, at 42, I am seeking professional help to get it under control. What made it tougher was neither one of us having self-awareness of our mental illness over the last few months we became self aware which has helped us tremendously.
“It’s not the fault of the person with CPTSD”. It’s not their fault they were hurt and traumatized, but if they are disregulated and become mean and abusive – that is 100% their fault. I’m married to someone with CPTSD, it was all set-up from birth to 17, I didn’t meet him until he was 25 – yet when he is disregulated I’m the one he tries to hold accountable for everything. I think it is important that we recognize the abused often becomes the abuser.
The hardest thing ever is to not take to heart the things that are being said by the dis-regulated person. Those things are eventually apologized for, but I’m still being blamed for not allowing her to heal. People call it abuse, but I know those things are being said as dis-regulated talk, which is like drunk talk. Friends and family think I’m stuck in an abusive relationship but I don’t see it that way.
My ex husband was abusive (physically, emotionally, legally) and the person I’ve been dating started joking around saying I should stop being so mean to my ex, he’s a good guy. (I rarely speak about him but have discussed some of what happened to me). I told him it wasn’t funny and he doubled down and continued. I got up and walked out. He then said that if I react this way I need help and I snapped. Then I’m over analyzing my reactions to see if I truly did over react, but I don’t think so. Some people have no empathy for what others have been through
The lightbulbs that have gone off for me since Tuesday when I became what I now know is disregulated, I got so sick of myself that I delved into “what’s wrong with me” the one thing that hasn’t settled yet is why after a lifetime of therapy off and on from childhood to now, neither a therapist or my parents offered this to me as a possible diagnosis. Maybe they didn’t know maybe they thought telling me was detrimental, here’s to working on myself at 35 after a lifetime of “why am I like this” I signed up for your free course and I’m excited to get to work
I have an almost-friend (it’s complicated…) who…I swear is just as damaged as I am. But for whatever reason we definitely care about eachother probably deeply (part of why it’s complicated. I don’t think anyone believes I wasn’t trying to push for a romantic relationship; and because of that I can’t admit that…yeah. Maybe I am in love but. Who cares. Not the point, not the goal, not the time. Friendship was.) I can read him like a book, but I don’t know the context. I always have. He can…whether he realizes it or not…basically do the same with me. Like, I don’t need to know Why someone is panicking or irritated to know that they are. He definitely SUCKS at communicating though, although I can see him trying to get better at it with me beyond letting me see his emotions. And as for me…I honestly feel like I’m always disregulated. And some days or weeks to months are worse than others. But…yeah. I can end up just…fading away into a fog or running away because I’m finding the dam bursting and I don’t want anyone to see any more of that and either risk upsetting them OR be hurt because my emotions have always been “inappropriate” since I was a child. So…I tend to just. Need to Know information after the fact. “Hey sorry I was distant or out of sorts, bad anxiety day.” Things like that. Which he is seemingly learning from me as well? …BUT. What I’m also learning from his parents: this isn’t good enough. They keep calling me on how I won’t actually confide versus take accountability, and tend to internalize what I’m feeling (which is…bad, especially when I’m already chronically ill.
Ptsd has denied me my whole life from even having any kind of relationship with any other person. I live a quiet life where I don’t even speak words .I only communicate by texting a comment now and then..I’d be happy to just find a place to live that I can afford…kudos to anyone that suffers and at least has someone to talk to even better to have relationships..my life is a daily fight to just stay alive.ive never let anyone near me to say the words I love you…
Sometimes I get confused about (C)PTSD and narcisstic traits. My partner sometimes gaslights (not in purpose) that how things vent and genuinelly remembers things very different. “You are imagining that we had a conflict before you exploded in rage!, it’s not my fault and all the problems are because your behaviour!”. Sometimes I feel that she plays mind games with me and wants a reaction out of me to point out that I am the problem (read: reactive abuse). I get blamed for being narcissist and when I replied that i’ve thought same about her, she got mad about it. I don’t know is it (C)PTSD or NPD because both of these can be activated through childhood trauma. Sometimes I get lovebombing and then get a cold shoulder etc… PS. Visiting psychologist once a month. I’m planning to get in to cognitive therapy
I wish there was a support group for partners of people with CPTSD. We get each other triggered so often and I live in constant distress. I’m a fixer and a planner, she is an avoider and has self-destructive behaviour. It is really hard to talk about it with other people since they are quick to judge the person with trauma.
My ex-husband has this syndrome. Everything was fine for me when it was just the two of us, but when the child appeared and the three of us were without friends and family in a foreign country, I was very tired. I went to my family for a while to rest and gain strength. In the end he decided to leave us. The separation took a little less than a year. I am crushed by insults, accusations, suspicion, paranoia on his part, etc. If I suggest something, then I always try to manipulate according to his words, although I do not have this in my thoughts. One day we talk and I see the person I decided to marry and have a child with, and then he returns to accusations and suspicion. Thus, I was accused of abuse. he showed me this website, I watched some articles. The child is now 1 year and 3 months old. I didn’t normally enjoy the first year of my child’s life while sorting things out with my ex-husband. Now I understand that it’s just a lot of work to be in a relationship with a person with this syndrome and if you don’t cope, you will be enemy number one. despite everything, I loved him very much. he has so many positive qualities
I think it is possible. But the childhood trauma survivor needs at least a sufficient amount of regulation to solve the issue with others and not ” on” other people. If Cptsd is a relational trauma, we need relations to heal. Waiting for so long to find care and attention is what has made my Cptsd stronger
We both remarried in our 50s and it took me three years to figure out that every two weeks he would just step back and go take care of himself, and just ghost me. If the regulation is happening every two weeks, and I can’t present myself as being able to help every two weeks, I have no life I’m ignored
ok.. now talk about spouses who know their partner has cptsd but consistently violate their boundaries. this is not a 1 way street. its a 2 way street, and by no means is a spouse allowed to abuse somebody who has cptsd. i have cptsd and my wife of 1yr, 3yrs together, always talks down to me despite knowing full well what i already deal with. how you think that makes me feel after telling her for 3yrs to PLEASE STOP and she just wont? is that justified? whats your answer for that one? should i tolerate that abuse or are they exempt bc IM the one who has a diagnosis???
I think my ex has cptsd/bpd traits and a diaorganised attachment but he keeps pushing me away, and doesnt want to stay because i set boundaries and am trying to work through healing behaviours together but Im his trigger. Literally me Because of fear of abandoment, intimacy, closeness and just chronic shame and self hatred that he gets very hurtful and shuts down whenener i try to challenge him or bring him up or grow with him. I feel constantly punished or having love taken from me or like nothing is good enough and every little thing is nit picked so he can run but i want to work WITH him to see that the fear of coming close and being safe and in calm, actual love is possible instead of the emotional rollercoaster…..
I wish things could be different but I’m disregulated because my rabbit died and it sounds like a stupid trigger but I do have animals sometimes to regulate myself and I go outside with my chickens to ground myself. And my rabbit was my special buddy. A neighbors dog killed my chickens last year and he showed up in my yard my little buddy and I pet him for hours he would come when I call. Then a neighbors cat came and killed him. And I’ve spent hundreds of dollars to protect my animals but anyways it was unexpected and I keep having flashbacks of reactive attachment issues. It’s been a month but I can’t regulate right now. Really my husband is like stop trying to fill a void so I’ve been sitting in my car right now in a parking lot for 3 hours because I don’t want to go home when I’m vulnerable.
I need an advice from you. I found your practice, the one where you write down fear and resentment and then meditate. Do you think it can help me? My issue is that I had a psychosis that caused me to feel my body disproportionate. Now it’s all normal but I keep body checking, I live in fear. I’ve started yesterday. Do you think it can help with obsession?
Sad to say most men don’t even know they have it neither do their partners education is everything looking back I was angry so much over the littlest things now I understand why I don’t do that anymore it’s all about education and then if they don’t want to listen then you walk away there’s nothing else you can do
I am a partner of someone with cptsd and when he’s disregulated he does try to force talking about things and blames things on me. I’ve tried to say let’s make time to talk about it later when we are calmer but that doesn’t always work. Sometimes he keeps coming back and bringing up the issue over and over again until I’m emotionally exhausted. I’m not sure how to handle the situation when it happens. He’s always apologetic afterwards but it’s gotten very hurtful sometimes
Im in love with someone with ptsd. Some days i feel.like giving up and some days i want to stay. Does anyone else gets called names like the c word? He doesn’t realize how hurtful it is. Plus being a caretaker to someone and admits this person comes first and doesn’t treat her the way he does to me. I feel so low
Anna how can I become a part of your team?I have experienced everything you say. I have woman, children and men crying to me because they don’t know know what to do, I would love to work with them. Our little town has a lot of people suffering and when they tell me how they feel, all the emotions and pain I feel surface up. I have to heal myself first but I know exactly how they feel. You have to live it to understand others.
I need help I’m ruining my relationships and I need help I can’t find a therapist that is educated enough I always got to come here they don’t even understand some of the terms I use there’s only so much education i can give myseif I’m not a therapist I’m sick and have mental health issues omg I need help
So how do you love someone you’re married to who has CPTSD but seems to reject everything you do for them? After 23 years of marriage I am still devoted to her and faithful but totally exasperated and broken, Ive tried for 23 years to be her safe person but only have 23 years of rejection to show for it.
You’ve given a very good description of numerous aspects of dating/ marrying a partner with CPTSD, which I recognized on day one with my current partner when we met, his lack of emotion or desire to mentally connect with another Human Being.. my Empathy cared about him because he trusted me and did everything I’ve said we need to do to become financially healthy. Financial health is a high focus in life, although Emotional Bankruptcy in a relationship feels sad and empty. Knowing his mental deficiency due to his childhood CPTSD situation does help me want to help him become emotionally equal to me so we can Live a Very Happy Gratitude Life. Thank you very much for this helpful info. I Love Psychology.
Hi Crappy Childhood Fairy. I don’t know your real name. But I would like to ask how to treat someone that has trauma from a previous relationship. We really do like each other and are taking things slow. But I feel that she has problems recuperating my feelings. I really like her. And I would like to know how I should approach this? I don’t want to push anything, but I also don’t want to end up hurting. And feedback from you or anyone else in the comment section would be appreciated. Thanks🙏🏻
Hi!! I like this article it’s very good, but what happens if you didn’t know you had cptsd? 😞 because I just recently find out about this. But I’m trying to understand myself now. I feel a shame of my bad behavior, but I didn’t meant to do that. she left me and I don’t blame her. I’m not angry with her. It was very heartbreaking and still it is. It’s very hard to let go but now I have to focus on myself. I’m trying to take that guild that I have inside it’s hard but one day at the time.
Is it my fault that I trigger someone with cptsd for being myself? I triggered someone because I needed a moment sometimes to think before I speak on things and sharing how my thought process is, and triggering them because I just asked genuine questions about their relationship with an ex (asking about boundaries they have with them).
I’m alright with people that have had dramatic for you. There’s a little while little crazy bipolar Chickster unmedicated. I love them work for you. I have gone but articles I live alone and I’m leaving Canada because I hate psychiatry I’m going to Australia and my cousin says they’re all racketeers. He’s a doctor and talk to him military I get along with I understand what dramas.
There is an easy solution. My partner of 3 years has PTSD and as of today, he has learned that he had better change his attitude fast. I was paying half of all the expenses but tonight I informed him he had better come up with all household expenses himself. I will NOT BE TAKING HIM TO ANY DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS, I WAS SUPPORTING HIM WHILE HE GOT HIS DISABILITY; NO MORE CLEANING HOUSE, COOKING, LAUNDRY, ETC. HE MUST NOT BE VERY BRIGHT BECAUSE I. REFUSED TO MARRY HIM,SO HE HAS NO LEGAL HOLD ON ME. THE HELL WITH HIS PTSD. I WON’T TOLERATE ANY MORE VERBAL ABUSE. NOBODY WITH PTSD HAS A RIGHT TO ABUSE AND BULLY ANYBODY THAT TRIES TO HELP THEM. I JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. IF I WAS HIS WIFE, i’D be stuck with him. Now, I just don’t care!
So this is about just living with someone that has CPTSD as they are or are they ever asked to go seek professional help and learn skills on how to dysregulation so that the other person in their relationship doesn’t start to take on the problems feeling frustrated they can literally do nothing to help change it?
Hi Anna. I have been perusal your articles since 2021. Thank you for the work you’ve made: I can’t emphasize how huge of an impact you’ve made in my healing and parts work. I wish you can make a article on how one can forgive themselves when they also have been emotionally abusive as a result of CPTSD? How one can heal from the fact that they also almost have bestowed the misery to other people unknowingly (at least in my case, I’m still in my 20s)? I could even say that I almost am a narcissist if I haven’t have woken up… I had an ex, who ‘put-up’ with me for three years, and looking back, I really didn’t give them the best treatment (I treat my acquaintances better). When I watch your articles about people crapfitting to toxic relationships I remember him. Only when he left me for good that I understood that I was the problem. It has been 2 years since the breakup: I wish I could have given him my best because he deserve it, even if it won’t work out in the end. I never have dated anyone since. I always felt like a terrible person and incapable of love. I felt I don’t deserve love because I wasted the opportunity of having a warm, pure love go down the drain… I also fear that no one will love me as he did. But still, I want to share my life with someone… Always… For context, my mom died when I was only 7, then my dad left us siblings (all girls) to relatives where we suffered emotionally and sexually. The only thing who saved us is me being intellectually gifted, I was able to get paid scholarships which help us siblings finish school and be working professionals.
My partner has this we talk about it a lot and try to do things to help but… Seriously so easy to trigger her. Every time she gets triggered because this vicious cycle of breaking up pushing me away act as if I’m the devil. just to come back like nothing ever happened. It’s so tiring and painful at times
Hi…Ana my boyfriend have cpstd,he was abused in his childhood….but never took any treatment and not willing for treatment… His parents doesn’t know anything about it…He brokeupwith me saying he is afraid that he might get emotionally attached…The more I try to stay with him …more he stays away from me….. what should I do….I don’t know how to convience him that he deserves all love…..He says he doesn’t need any help…
What should I do if they are disregulated and talk in pages at me? I can’t support or say anything back because I am just being talked at. She took her meds for a few days and quit. I’m at a point where I’m not sure how to help. It seems like common sense has left the room and I can’t get across to her.
My spouse had a very abusive childhood. Mother caused physical, emotional and mental abuse. Father was absent. Drugs and drinking ect. Lot of neglect. I knew this while dating her. She always wants to run away from conflict or when someone makes her feel bad. She wants out of our marriage in the future. I did have controlling tendencies but I did feel like she couldn’t handle staying at a job or a career so I took control financially and career wise, making her feel stuck and suffocated. She changed her mind all the time with what career to pursue, quite this job, that job. We have children so I was stressed financially and acted controlling. I only made things worse for her. Just wish I knew more about this trauma before getting married. Any advice welcome.