In the fairy tale of Rumpelstiltskin, feelings of unease can linger after family visits, making it crucial to avoid these moments and take care of yourself. To prevent potentially triggering situations during the holidays, take frequent breaks and take as many time-outs as needed. A trigger is an emotional response to a stimulus that rehashes an old memory, and family gatherings often bring back wounded memories and leave us vulnerable.
To avoid being emotionally triggered by parents or other family members, it is essential to learn from the experience and own your own triggers. This involves identifying and feeling your way through them, which will help you heal and no longer relive the trauma or hurt that caused the trigger.
One common trigger is being told you’re “selfish” or “too sensitive”, which may be due to shaming labels from parents. Enforce limits, remember your limits, and remind yourself that it is acceptable to have emotional triggers.
Three mindful approaches with roots in Buddhist psychology can help approach challenging familial interactions: labeling your emotions, taking frequent breaks, and being willing to disappoint. Building a strong support system, having people you can talk to about your experiences, setting polite but clear boundaries with toxic behavior, and recognizing how your relatives emotionally trigger you can help avoid getting triggered.
To transform our triggers, ask one simple question: “What unresolved hurt from my past am I reminded of by this current situation?” To avoid getting triggered during the holidays, maintain a healthy balance between indulging in the season’s sweetness and staying committed. By following these steps, you can gain perspective on what’s causing your emotional triggers and move on from challenging familial interactions.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| got family stress? how to not get triggered by family | The secret to so much of not getting triggered is to be in the right head space first. Make sure you’re relaxed before you jump on a call with your sister. | abbymedcalf.com |
| Why Our Family Triggers UsAnd What to Do | Take frequent breaks. Take as many time-outs as you need to help you breathe, get grounded and regain your composure. · Be willing to disappoint … | psychcentral.com |
📹 How to Stop Getting TRIGGERED Forever
The concept of being triggered, though it may at times be overused, sits on top of a hugely important concept in psychological life.
Why Am I So Sensitive And Easily Triggered?
Sensory sensitivity arises from various factors, including genetics, biological influences, and personal experiences. While the exact causes remain unclear, several potential contributors exist. Fatigue can diminish emotional regulation, making individuals more reactive to unique "triggers" rooted in personal history and past traumas. These triggers elicit intense emotional responses, akin to post-traumatic stress reactions, due to unresolved emotional boundaries or deep-seated patterns formed by prior experiences.
Identifying these triggers, which can stem from specific people, events, or situations, is vital in managing sensitivity. The limbic system, sympathetic nervous system, and amygdala are involved when someone feels triggered. Additionally, sensitivity may stem from genetic predisposition or trauma, impacting mental health.
While being highly sensitive (HSP) can feel overwhelming, it also brings strengths like compassion and empathy. However, this heightened awareness of emotional and sensory stimuli can lead to anxiety and emotional fluctuations. Maintaining mindfulness—such as breathing techniques and taking breaks—can aid in navigating these feelings. Acknowledging the influence of recent stressors, trauma, or even medical conditions like chronic pain is essential. Though not a disorder, high sensitivity can indicate underlying challenges that may benefit from treatment to address both emotional drawbacks and beneficial traits.
How Not To Be Triggered By Family?
To avoid being triggered by partners, family, or friends, first pause and reflect on the situation to understand familiar feelings. Embrace radical empathy and acknowledge triggers, recognizing the toxic environment often shaped by social media and family dynamics. Understand your family’s conflict response patterns, whether it's shutting down or attempting to control. Cultivating the right mindset is essential; approach conversations with a relaxed state of mind, especially with challenging family members.
Triggered reactions can result in overreactions, stress, and damaged relationships, so it's crucial to maintain awareness of your emotional triggers. Set boundaries to regain control and assert your needs, especially against harmful labels like "selfish" or "too sensitive." Communicate constructively about your feelings and limit contact with those who persist in triggering behaviors. Practice emotional responsibility by identifying and altering outdated behavioral patterns.
Lastly, prioritize self-care through mindfulness techniques, deep breathing, or time-outs to regulate your emotional responses. By employing these strategies, you can foster healthier, more resilient relationships and effectively manage anxiety triggers from loved ones.
Why Do I Get So Defensive With My Family?
Defensiveness often arises from feelings of being criticized or blamed, serving as a protective mechanism against negative self-perceptions. While it can damage relationships, individuals can learn to manage their defensive responses and address underlying insecurities. Healthy adult relationships should involve mutually discussing frustrations, yet defensiveness can manifest through denial, avoidance, or even gaslighting. This behavior can stem from childhood experiences, such as strict parenting, which may lead to heightened sensitivity in adulthood.
According to John Gottman, defensiveness is one of four detrimental patterns that can contribute to divorce. When feeling threatened—be it physically or emotionally—individuals may react defensively to protect their self-esteem. Seeking help to understand and resolve these defensive tendencies is important. Distancing oneself from manipulative behaviors may also enhance personal well-being. Defensiveness often signals deeper issues related to feelings of inadequacy or past trauma, leading to a perceived need for control. Recognizing these patterns can facilitate better communication and conflict resolution in personal and professional settings, ultimately fostering healthier relationships.
Is It Possible To Have A Life With No Triggers?
No one is entitled to a life free from triggers, as they are inherent to human relationships and interactions. Understanding what induces anxiety is crucial for better management, as anxiety itself can stem from various situations like crowds, certain moods, or times of day. Many individuals struggle to identify triggers, especially when panic attacks occur without apparent reasons. It's important to recognize that while panic and anxiety attacks can have different characteristics, both significantly impact emotional states, often leading to overwhelming distress.
Identifying triggers can empower individuals to tackle core emotions contributing to stress and enhance daily life. Mental health strategies, such as mindfulness, meditation, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can aid in navigating anxiety, even if complete avoidance isn't always possible. Environmental factors and past experiences often influence triggers, further complicating their identification. Individuals living with mental illness frequently encounter such triggers, highlighting the importance of understanding and managing them effectively.
While it may not be realistic to expect others to shield us from triggers, it is vital that individuals take responsibility for addressing their own emotional responses. This proactive approach, coupled with gradual exposure to triggers, can lead to personal growth and healing. Ultimately, acknowledging and addressing these emotional triggers can significantly improve one’s quality of life, turning challenges into opportunities for transformation.
How Do I Not Get Triggered By My Mom?
Engaging in open communication with your mother, based on mutual respect and understanding, can improve interactions and reduce triggering behaviors over time. Managing your reactions to such behaviors requires patience, consistency, and self-care. Dr. Terri Apter notes that a difficult mother may criticize your choices, viewing you as a reflection of herself. To respond calmly, Thea Anderson offers helpful tips. Acknowledging the damaging environment, such as critical comments and resistance to therapy, is essential for healing.
It’s crucial to avoid blaming others when feeling triggered, as it may lead to further conflict. Preparing mentally—ensuring you’re relaxed before interactions—is key to avoid escalation. Understanding your emotional triggers can help you respond to challenging situations, particularly with narcissistic family members. Setting boundaries with dysfunctional relatives can protect emotional well-being and allow you to focus on your needs. During emotionally charged moments with family, it's vital to ground yourself.
Techniques like reframing critical comments or assessing if there’s a valid reason for the upset can help. Ultimately, recognizing your mother as a separate individual and consciously setting limits may facilitate better relationships and healing. Exploring resources on coping strategies can also provide valuable support in navigating these dynamics.
What Are Our Triggers?
The concept of emotional triggers refers to specific stimuli, such as memories, individuals, or situations, that evoke strong emotional reactions often linked to past experiences or trauma. These triggers can elicit disproportionate responses like fear, anxiety, or anger, highlighting the significant influence of past wounds on our current emotional states. Reactivity increases with deep-seated hurts and weak boundaries, making it essential to recognize and manage these triggers effectively.
A proactive approach to understanding triggers involves identifying personal examples of conversations or disagreements when emotional responses were heightened. By adopting a detective mindset and methodically analyzing these reactions, individuals can trace their origins and work towards healing. Therapy and self-awareness play crucial roles in managing emotional triggers, enabling better coping mechanisms and healthier relationships.
Transforming these responses requires strategies that foster self-connection and understanding. Overall, recognizing, understanding, and addressing emotional triggers is vital for navigating mental health complexities and improving emotional well-being.
Why Do I Feel Triggered Around My Family?
Being around family can heighten exposure to anxiety triggers due to the amount of time spent together. Anxiety can manifest physically through symptoms like blushing, sweating, palpitations, and stammering, particularly when perceived scrutiny arises. Recognizing and addressing these triggers is essential. Family dynamics often unearth feelings of agitation or regression, leading to heightened emotional responses. Understanding the underlying emotions can assist in managing reactions rather than yielding to frustration.
It’s not uncommon to feel disconnected from family, prompting the need for emotional processing and boundary-setting. Reflecting on familial relationships may reveal unresolved issues tied to past experiences, making it vital to develop strategies for coping. Tips include establishing boundaries and processing emotional triggers, allowing for healthier interactions. Identifying personal needs in stressful situations can foster a sense of control and prevent negative reactions.
By addressing these emotional challenges, individuals can work toward enjoying more peaceful relationships with their family members and mitigating the stress associated with familial gatherings. Ultimately, tackling these triggers can lead to personal growth and improved emotional well-being, allowing individuals to approach family dynamics with greater resilience and understanding.
What Happens When You Get Triggered?
Getting triggered can lead to pain and anger, yet it also offers opportunities for healing and growth. Individuals generally become more reactive to people and situations when they've experienced significant hurts and have weaker boundaries. In mental health terms, triggers refer to stimuli that significantly influence our emotional state, leading to feelings of overwhelm or distress and impairing our ability to stay present. These triggers, often tied to past traumas, prompt dysfunctional reactions, such as disproportionate emotional responses that may harm relationships.
When triggered, individuals may relive traumatic experiences, akin to a post-traumatic stress reaction, leading to panic or a fight-or-flight response. This response is marked by heightened anxiety, where the individual may feel trapped or lose focus, reliving past trauma as if it's occurring in the present moment. Common signs of being triggered include panic, emotional overwhelm, crying, or defensive behavior. Contrary to the belief that triggers only incite negative emotions, positive responses can also occur.
Recognizing these triggers is crucial for effective coping strategies, especially in therapeutic settings like EMDR therapy. Ultimately, experiencing a trigger can facilitate healing, as individuals learn to navigate through pain and construct a healthier narrative around their emotional responses, enabling personal growth and transformation.
How Do I Stop Being Affected By My Family?
Whenever I feel guilty about prioritizing my needs, I employ these seven techniques. First, clarify your role in the relationship and establish firm boundaries, allowing for necessary time-outs from family members. Acknowledge that family dysfunction is common but do not permit fear to eclipse your boundaries. Remember, their problems are not your responsibility. Many familial interactions involve manipulation, such as guilt trips, which can be more annoying than harmful. Recognizing toxic family dynamics is crucial as they can have lasting effects on your mental health.
Setting clear boundaries is essential, though challenging, as it helps build a strong sense of self. Detaching can effectively help cope with codependency. Family gatherings may bring joy, but it’s important to reject mistreatment from relatives. Before acting rashly, take time to regulate your emotions, understanding that you cannot dictate how others behave.
If you feel trapped by family roles, use strategies like self-acceptance, emotional validation, and mindfulness to foster resilience. Seek therapy for deeper exploration of your familial relationships. Always remind yourself that your life is your own, and no one should have unregulated access to you, especially if they cause harm.
Maintain direct and assertive communication regarding your boundaries, limit your interactions with toxic relatives, and prioritize self-care. It’s crucial to manage stress effectively and seek support rather than isolating yourself. While it’s beneficial to strive for positive relationships, ensure your mental health is a priority. Lastly, avoid gossip and focus on healthy expressions of your feelings without compromising your boundaries.
📹 Here’s what to do when you’re triggered
It is very important to understand your triggers and where they come from, almost all of them are deep rooted in the childhood. Going back to your inner child and understanding what and how it felt and giving yourself permission to navigate helps a lot. Personally self awareness of myself took lot of time and looking at yourself as an outsider helps to see what you are feeling rather than absorbing in the feeling it self. Go back to your childhood and come back with lessons and please forgive yourself and accept everything that’s the only way folks. Wish you all healing ❤
Been trying to recover from trauma: psychedelics helped to start the ball rolling, IFS therapy for almost a year now. But what really started to shift things was working on forgiveness (it’s been very hard and painful work). It’s interesting as I get triggered less. It’s like the more I am able to work on forgiveness the safer my inner child feels. Perhaps it sees it like that: if I am able to consider forgiveness that means the events happened in the PAST, that I am safe NOW. That I am mature now, I can defend myself now and manage my emotions. With trauma the concept of time is very important. Our inner child/children usually are stuck in the past. Once we start inviting them into the PRESENT and show them that it is safe now they relax. As a result we relax too. Trauma changes the brain. The amygdala becomes over-reactive whereas pre frontal cortex gets under active. Result: when triggered we feel strong emotions first, then we don’t understand why we react that way. Good news are: it’s possible to reverse that.
“We want our awful hunches confirmed” this really resonated with me because I’m always wondering why I actively look at things that I know are gonna trigger me. It never made sense to me why I did this. Been working on my Shadow for over 2 years now, sometimes it feels like I’ll never heal this wound.
Still working on mine. Discovering trauma based therapy was a true revelation for me. I had been in traditional therapy for so long, and hit a wall. The best thing about trauma based therapy is that many organizations that deal with domestic/child abuse, and the YWCA provide this free or at a low cost. Breathing exercises, grounding mindfulness practices, and loving kindness and gratitude exercises along with yoga and walking my dog are super helpful for me. Having a dog is wonderful in so many ways. They love you. You can cuddle them. They need to go out, so you need to exercise, and consider another creature’s well being.
Thank you for this. The drawing with the family where the mother is close to one child but the other child stands alone. I have a photo where my mother and brother stand close to each other and I am standing alone. I was neglected and alone all my childhood while my mother and brother were best buddies. I get triggered a lot and my family just don’t understands. This is hell sometimes for everyone but I am getting better.
According to this article, I did everything right. I’m on my way to recovery. Analyzing your fears works, I was shocked when I found that out, but I’m glad I did, and you should definitely try it for yourselves. It’s the highest and the healthiest buzz I’ve ever caught, I still cannot believe this happened and I think everybody deserves to experience it
5:17 is frighteningly accurate as someone who had a depressing 10 years of adulthood. When I gave into my triggers they became familiar to me and I began seeking out people and things to confirm what I was going through, no matter how harmful they were, while shunning experiences that didn’t conform to what I felt inside. As a result I ended up pushing away family and friends. I’m glad I was able to get the help from a therapist and through practicing mindfulness it helped me to avoid negative experiences and accept influence from role models in my life. In turn the love of people in my life also helped with coming to terms with what was triggering me. To those of you going through the process of grief know that there are people who care, you need only seek them out.
I would love a article distinguishing triggers and re traumatization. We normalize a lot of mistreatment and abuse in society and people who were abused before correctly identify mistreatment but they are told they are ” just being triggered” basically they are being gaslighted again into normalizing mistreatment and made to gaslight themselves also again. It’s not the same to be in a safe situation and have a memory of an unsafe experience than to again be in another unsafe situation. Although now being adults, there are so many adults in positions of vulnerability that make it very similar to being a child. You can’t quit that job, you can’t get out of that relationship, you can’t afford therapy, or a gym, etc. Not everyone actually have these options. Sometimes people try to do it anyways and end up in even more vulnerability without the job, etc We need to acknowledge trigger is not the same as re traumatization
All emotional triggers are due to feelings of low self-worth AKA “are we worthy of connecting with other people”. This is rooted in childhood if our parents tended to our needs or not. If they consistently neglected our needs, we feel unaccepted and unworthy of love. This manifests in our future lives when we perceive that we are being devalued, triggering our old feelings of unworthiness. “Perceived” is the key word here because it can be something like someone not replying to our text quickly enough, someone disagreeing with our opinions, or even seeing a person who’s more successful than us in some aspect. It triggers the deeply rooted core belief within us that we are worthless and don’t matter even if there are no ill-intentions. Truly, I don’t know how to heal a person who’s been wounded like this, and looking at the general population it looks like most people don’t as well. All I know is that it can be prevented. So, try your best not to F your kids up.
As a teacher of Spinoza and Gurdjieff philosophies and teachings. I have learned the importance of triggers. Events that are disappointed, when desires are not met, feelings of rejection, or being misunderstood. Our emotions are being triggered. Emotions of desire, pain, hate, and anger, communicate our state of being confused. We cannot willfully change or stop triggers. Growth is seeing and understand our triggers. I am looking for students who want a meaningful and purposeful life.
This actually really resonates with me. Last Saturday I went to a local (relatively big) choir for the first time, and the teacher separated us in the usual groups: sopranos, contraltos, tenors, etc. The criteria for this separation is generically the extension of voice, i.g., higher pitch female voices sing as sopranos and lower pitch female voices sing as altos. I haven’t frequented such a big choir in years. I did sing in my university choir for a bit last year, but it was just starting out, besides, most people who were there were learning how to sing for the first time, whereas I have had individual and choir lessons since a was a child. I actually stopped attending such lessons during my highschool years, so I’d be able to cram for my university entrance exam, (that was four years ago). Moreover, I was always told by my teachers that I was a soprano, and that I didn’t reach the characteristically high notes that I was supposed to “because I was too nervous”. This made some sense, as I managed to sing them quite well in my bathroom shower, when I thought no one was listening. I was always very insecure and shy when it came to my voice. Anyways, I knew that I was a medium fish in a very small pond in my university choir. I knew I had not done any exercises seriously in years, and even if I did, I could not expect myself to sing like a Maria Callas or Anna Netbreko. Also, voices change as they mature, even female voices. I knew all these things. Still, I was very surprised when I was put to sing with the altos! “But why?” I asked my teacher, already feeling a little unbalanced. “Because you are a mezzo soprano.” She answered. “You may have those high notes, but it’s your lower tones that are the most lovely!” she said. She then started looking at me rather concerned. And that was when I noticed I had started crying. Convulsively and unconsciously, there I stood, my tears pouring more and more as I tried to hide my face with my hands, — not myself understanding why I was having such an extreme reaction to being told I was a mezzo soprano. And my gentle teacher let me cry. She then said that it was okay for me to react that way, that maybe I was feeling overwhelmed because I was finally going to sing in a group again, and that maybe I should find a therapist to talk to. “Maybe,” She said, “It’s okay to cry. I cry at 61 like a child, and you are just 19. You don’t have to hold yourself back from what you are feeling. There is no need to feel embarrassed. But why don’t you try to find out what is really hurting you?” I am actually so grateful that she was there for me at that moment. I did already imagine that I had a few issues from my childhood or adolescence that associate my self-image to my singing voice. That’s probably the reason why I did not get back to my lessons as soon as I entered university. Nevertheless, I thought that I had automatically overcome them, after all, “that was all in the past”. Now I am beginning to accept that that’s not the case, and that singing is not something trivial to me. It’s an important part of my life and identity, and I should not stop myself from acknowledging that just because I that feel my singing is inadequate and not as good as it should be. To sing is one of the greatest wonders in my life. And, Thank you, School of life, for the wonderful article! <3
I’ve found taking time to process whatever emotions I’m going through over a number of days helps. Listening to the emotion, then from my higher self reminding myself there are other emotions, other healthier responses, I can be open minded & creative & maybe a new solution will come to mind in my imagination to guide me that will help me solve my issues one step at a time. With patience, everything can be resolved, with calm .😊
Triggers are often an expression of trauma. People need to respond with compassion. Not everyone has had the ability to deal with it or had the support to deal with it. First step is to understand what your triggers are and having a strategy for dealing with it. A lot of my triggers are about my self image because of my formative life experiences that were out of my control. Does that mean I should be responsible for dealing with them? Yes. But I also need the people around to me know about the emotional toll it takes to deal with it. I am learning to love myself and appreciate me. It’s taken me years but it’s mainly because I could never really afford good therapy so I have taken it on myself to fix the broken parts of myself. I have come a long way but like everything in life your human frailties are a constant work in progress. So my advice to everyone is to keep learning and growing. We are never the finished article and everybody has issues. Don’t bear yourself up if you have triggers, I think most humans do, the trick is to learn what they are so you can deal with it. Thanks for the article, thought provoking.
Venting doesn’t release pressure. It only intensifies it later from the training effect. When people cheer and shout for their team, they don’t feel less jubilant. Contrary. They feel more jubilation and the next time it grows. Awareness of your emotional response is the first step. Then you must practice the control. The training effect can work for you just as it can work against you. Take control. Use the training effect to practice your intended response. It takes time and effort, but you can overcome all the negative programming in your biocomputer by practicing your intentions more than your automatics. You must be the master programmer of your bio computer!
I’ve been going through this my whole adult life, and I still feel kind of like I’m just getting started. Like a few others have said, trauma is stored in the body, as well as in the mind. As someone else said, sometimes you’re triggered by a legitimate problem that’s in front of you; sometimes by something trivial that reminds you of the distant past. Sometimes it’s both. I have come to think of it as “little me” reacting like a child; there’s almost two of me there, the adult self, and the little one, kind of competing for control. There are lots of things I’ve tried that work for me; none of them by themselves. It takes everything: * inner child work — when I get upset, sometimes I just sit down and have a quiet conversation with “little me,” offering to be their protector and nurturer, stay with them, and give them the things that they didn’t get when they were little. * EMDR — in a safe and calm environment, carefully sort back through the past, finding what’s associated with this triggering experience; and lovingly rewrite that memory, so that the vulnerable me who was so deeply injured has emotional tools and support that he didn’t have at the time. So the next time my mind chooses to rewind to that place, it finds a less volatile memory to draw on. * “feeling my feelings” — sitting or lying down and meditating, keeping myself calm through breath control and the like, and asking myself “how do I feel right now?” and letting myself answer that question honestly. Asking only how I feel, and not why, because my emotional self has no idea why.
I like the statement that feelings are our own signals to ourself about our needs. Feelings, and by extension trauma and triggered feelings, tell us about our needs and our experience and perception of whether they are / are not being met or will / will not be met. Been learning to listen to my traumatic feelings as not a fixed external reality but as telling me what I’m anticipating and what I need, a signal that can help me meet those needs.
I found that being able to choose from 4 options and labeling the trigger pattern helped enormously …1..blocking me for no good reason 2 .expectations not bappening 3.something not said or expressed 4 denial of existence ..the last one would devastate me,but as a child if I didn’t ” follow the narcissists script ” I’d be blasted even for little things …if rejected in any way it would bring all that ba ck . Now I just name the trigger and the emotion disappears as not relevant to the situation present day . Your presentation was the clearest I have ever heard,thankyou …I’ll passit on
to those confused about managing triggers. first and foremost, trigger is like a stimuli. it is something that is very spontaneous and may seem uncontrollable at first, but is usually from a stressor rooted by our past. what i learned from this article and in real life is that no matter how negative our thoughts may bring us, its almost always 99% worrying and 1% of whats actually happening. trigger management will never be the same as managing anxiety and/or depression. the latter is quite more complicated esp when it is bounded by ptsd too. for those ppl suffering in these mental health issues, just know that no person has 100% healthy mind and coping. we just have to learn how to find our internal zen and practice restrain rather than bursting out our emotions. not only that its very draining, it is really energy consuming. studies already proved that restrain is better than venting out especially in triggers when the stress level is still at its manageable point. and btw, i have a bg in psychology thats why i really appreciated this article for being precise about trigger management
This was so helpful for me at the moment, I cant thank you enough. A person in the street is spreading lies to our neighbours about me and my husband following a falling out. The person is a sad individual with too much time on his hands. My husband laughs at it and is completely unaffected, and as much as I know it is childish behaviour from an adult, every time I see him or hear something he has said about us, I feel incredibly anxious and cant stop thinking about it for the whole day, completely losing perspective on the ridiculous and small thing that it really is – as the brilliant article says – catapulted into despair and terror! I’ve always been like this and never understood why. Now it makes sense – thankyou.
I love this article, though I might suggest that while triggers are often an overreaction to something many people would find blameless, it isn’t necessarily so. It can as well be an intense emotional reaction to something people might also have a response towards, but the key here is that while many move past that situation, the triggered person experiences much stronger emotions and it is harder for them to move past that situation. Triggers are not just pointed at “harmless” things, but can also be an initial normal reaction to an adequated situation, that then escalates into bigger emotions.
I have been suffering from triggers of unworthiness, inability, imperfection and the feeling of being unlovable for well over 3 years know without even know, except that now it has become so much worse I have realized there is definitely something wrong here. Nonetheless, articles like is is why I subscribed to this website, a deep and profound, not-so-long explanation, that certainly serves as a reminder.
I need a article that literally just reminds me I live on a turning rock in space and that my anger at some inane idiot online is so hilariously unimportant I’m wasting my precious time and energy even having read their comment. I need to be reminded how real life is and how ridiculous being online is to do anything other than connect with friends and wind down.
Certainly sounds deeply relatable to a situation I was living these days. My history of hostile, violent or otherwise unpleasant rejections has made me extremely wary of putting myself out there, and these days I’m regretting not taking a step forward towards someone potentially interested just because I was too afraid to be violently rejected again. I haven’t started working on it recently but quite a while ago. And it’ll take a while more by the looks of it.
this is my biggest problem for social media my mom and dad took my phone away when i first started high school because i just came out and told them i was gay (still am) they thought social media made me gay, but i realized i was gay wayyyy before highschool and it made me so mad and sad because i didnt have friends since i was an introvert and everybody knew i was gay and theres that stigma of “who wants to be seen hanging out with a gay kid who dresses feminine” my parents straight up said “if u were straight we wouldnt have taken your phone” but my lil brother got an iphone and hes only 11 yo?! it made me so enraged at that time because i didnt have any friends and all my friends were online. I’m 18 now w an iphone 14 and I hate to think about the situation but “its over now” so my family just acts like it didnt happen and swep it under the rug. but they “still and always loved me” though but never even wanted to hear/care/tried to understand my point of view of being gay..im shaking rn typing this out because of the past intense emotions of sadness and rage that i dont wana to come back up again. I am still gay.
i experienced something like this just last week. it left me quite puzzling and i was not able to identify that i was triggered. so glad i seeked out this article. “the triggers tell us about our histories”, this is so very true. my past indeed shapes us and this process of reverse engineering my fears is actually really insightful. unexplored and unknown events in the past which have gone unaddressed can manifest in ways like disproportionate responses and being triggered by events which are seemingly normal.
I have experienced a lot of toxic people, especially at work and I have always made it known to the boss sometimes it works out ok and sometimes it doesn’t. for me. generally, bosses do not like dealing with any of this. I have to speak out on toxic people because they make life a misery but I am getting tired of it now and will ignore them and let someone else deal with them along the way. we also need to know it is ok to deal with bullies and not be afraid
Although relationships can survive if one person gets easily triggered and lashes out whereas the other person has worked through their stuff and “loves” their acting-out partner, it is waaaaaay better if both people have done their personal work to manage their triggers without inflicting them on their partner.
Such an important article, saving for reference. 💛💛💛 a lot of my triggers are smell related, which is specific to my trauma. Any gas smell, rotting anything, hospital smells, etc. I’ve done a lot of work however and these things become a bit more manageable heading into my 30’s. Stable emotional regulation is still a long and difficult process!
I just don’t know how to heal from the endless oceans of rage and grief in me. At the beginning of this year, The man whom I revered as my best friend, abandoned and betrayed me. He replaced me. Now… My 53-year old cousin, just suddenly tragically passed. Alone. In his sleep. Unexpectedly. On 10/09/23. RIP cuz. I LOVE YOU ✨💛
Wow, I really needed this, just, as a reminder of sorts. I have CPTSD and because of the violent nature that a loved one died, it haunts me every day, especially since I was the last person to talk to them. This happened years ago though, and I’ve been trying to work on it daily. A problem arises because I already have festering agoraphobia contributed to by vicarious trauma (I used to watch a lot of true crime and I live in the United States so the media & the state of the country truly don’t help). Being physically present on campus doesn’t help either, because earlier in the year there was an incident with an individual and it was not a drill (even though the school immediately covered it up). The person didn’t hurt anyone nor was there an actual gun (just BB) because it was a personal fight. This incident, however, really messed me up because I was doing so well before it. I ended up having a panic attack in a classroom closet full of kids because I didn’t know if it was real or not and they refused to be quiet. Even the fact that I’m about to leave high school can’t comfort me enough when I have to focus during the day because of just, this buildup of anxieties. A quick example is, kids stampede through the hallways when I’m in select classes because… they’re freshmen (I guess? lol) and they’re skipping class so they’re running from the admins. My main PTSD trigger, from my major trauma, comes from loud sounds in general so that really disturbs me. I think being in a stressful environment so often has really taken a toll on me.
I get triggered when I meet people that are clearly the type that thinks mockery and “bullying” is a fun way to bond, you know the classical bantering that some people see as “fun”. I see this as a sign to know which people I should stay away from, I don’t need that negative energy in my life. Confrontation doesn’t work since they will only answer “It was only a joke, don’t be so sensitive”. That’s the call sign for a bully or narcissist and those have no place in my life. Often times the bantering gone too far is a way to mask their own insecurities and since they don’t have the social competence to have a normal sincere conversation they will turn to bantering or make everything a joke. You never know where you have those people.
This is a good description of how and why we get triggered but it massively over simplifies how to deal with being triggered. Knowing the origin of triggers is a useful component of self awareness but the most powerful and essential element of responding to triggers is to develop self regulation. That can take time and practice and may require professional support. Best wishes to anyone suffering dysregulated responses. There is help available.
0:18 to be triggered is responding with intense fear and anger here and now I mportant to know when situations demand to be fearful or angry 1:10 how the mechanism operates The mind of a triggered when it believes it t recognises around it a situation that it feels from memory is going to be highly damaging and dangerous 1:20 Triggers tell us about things that we were once very afraid of. 1:35 We are triggered by now, by what we were devastated by then 1:50 This is good because we can reverse engineer our triggers 2:25 triggers maps on to a traumatic (emotionally distressing) event 2:59 the person has been triggered because the contemporary event contains the essence of a profoundly traumatic dynamic in earlier life 3:38 the tragedy of triggering is it fails to notice the difference between then and now 5:18 escaping triggers 5:50 the cure for triggering is love 6:10 what does my fear of what could happen tell me about what did happen
This a great article!! Thanks for creating one! I’ve been fighting how to control my trigger, and it has been futile. My mom left me when I was young (divorce my dad and left the fam), and I subconsciously blame myself for it. I didn’t know this at first. As I grow older, I get triggered if I am accused of doing something wrong, even when the discussion might be hypothetical. I did some reflection and realised where the trigger comes from, but I have no way of controlling it. This article has given me a change perspective which I hope it can be helpful to overcome my issue. Thank you 🙏🏽
I’m struggling with the same. I was bullied verbally and teased by group of boys when I was in my engineering because they found me very weak, thin in frame and with very strange high pitched voice for a boy. I wasn’t well built like them all. Later I had to drop off for one year because I had failed in one subject for more than twice because of depression and anxiety. I couldn’t concentrate on studies at all. Anxiety was on peak when I was there. Later when I came back to clear that subject, I had to leave hostel and live in a PG where my juniors were also having residence. One night even those juniors knocked my doors hard when they were intoxicated and I refused to smoke cigarettes with them. I was alone. These kinds of things were happening with me since I was a kid. People found out something funny or strange about me and they used to mock me in groups or torture me with words. My friends used to say I’ve a different personality which sometimes comes out very intimidating as I used to carry a lot of confidence for a thin man. I’ve been battling with depression for more than 10 years as far as I can remember. I get triggered whenever I recall those moments and whenever anyone mentions how my voice sounds. I’ve done a lot of things to change but nothing worked. So many exercises to deepen my voice but still. Maybe I look like a child for a man of over 25 years of age. I often link it with me being born a gay. I don’t know if I’m completely a gay man or it’s just because I’ve been always forced to never look at girls, talk to them and understand them.
Why are you calling me out like that? I had this episode today because I thought I messed up in my new job and started questioning my life goals or believing I would be a failure forever. One moment I was having a great after-glow of a tough job, done well. The next minute, I nearly cried as I talked to my supervisor. Just horrible.
The best advice I have learned is that when triggered lean back not forward. I used to go into freeze/fawn response but now on the rare occasion it happens, I go to rage. Becoming a Christian changed it overnight, it only comes back when I go in the wrong direction spiritually. When angered I tend to lean into a fight and usually the person who triggered me was already looking for a fight. They tend to be provocative cluster B personalities who trigger people anyway as they are the most drama seeking provocative personality types. A non-disordered person can state and express differences without conflict or confrontation. This is impossible for an intrinsically disordered person as they view everything as competition.
I grew up with awful bullying, low self esteem, anxiety, depression – real tough times…. And I thank God for each and every one of those challenges. They are a large part of what finally forged me into a man in the truly magical 50th decade of life (otherwise known as the 40’s). What makes this decade so great? The gives a f*** gene turns OFF and you are finally free from giving 2 shits about what anyone thinks or says whatsoever. You’ve seen it all, you’ve been through most of it. You go to the grocery store in your dirtiest clothes and your shades on slick…You’re finally ready. So stick it out with your training young Padawans! It’s worth it.
Thoughts themselves are neither positive or negative but our opinion about these thoughts whether they are good or bad triggers all the emotions. These emotions has some inertia unlike thoughts which come and go in our mind. The emotions than make us feel exhausted making us to be in the past or future preventing us to be in our present moment.
I usually value the articles School of Life does… This one is SO egregiously inaccurate and invalidating in wrongly defining what it is to be triggered ( 4:30 ) AND in ASSuming that our alert systems getting triggered are ALWAYS an INACCURATE indiscriminating over-inflating of reality. NO! Triggers ALSO happen as LEGITIMATE self-protection and overwhelm responses to ABSOLUTELY REAL THREATS, that are also familiar to prior! The triggered FEELINGS are warnings that we need to fact-check, for sure, but in Reality, SOMETIMES those TRIGGERS are absolutely valid in the present situation and NOT just past residual unresolved lack of healing and lack of realistic perspective! 4:30 is inaccurate: To be triggered is NOT always to lose our powers of discrimination! To be triggered is to have responses like our Survival Instincts and coping efforts’ systems put on high alert! We then need to absolutely weigh out the PRESENT context, and NOT JUST victim-shame-&-blame gaslight ourselves as this article suggests, into thinking triggers are ALL only about past threats, and not current ones! We need to fact check in BOTH directions (and turning to trustworthy trauma-informed supports can help) to rationally choose paths for our current well-being when possible (if one is not in a tight resoonse time context to contend with the perceived “threat” triggering one).
I feel… I used to get triggered a lot by people that didn’t share the same core values that I try to exercise. Core values as compassion, love, integrity, etc… Then I would pass judgment on those individuals that feel are “ugly” or “loveless” people. I have reduced my triggers in understanding that we are all humans and have so many emotions and motivations.
As usual, this is brilliant and profound like pretty much everything you guys and gals at The School of Life produce. Thank you. I have spent a good amount of time in the past couple of years with the work of Dr. Besel Van der Kolk, especially his book The Body Keeps the Score. My therapist recommended it to me, and I was astounded to learn that the body contains a record “at the cellular level” of everything it has ever experienced, including and even especially traumatic events. Often for some important survival reason back in the day, the mind, i.e., conscious awareness, might not want to remember something for some important survival reason that the body remembers for, perhaps, a very different survival reason. The mind and body might in these type of instances actually work against each other because they have different concerns or, let’s say, agendas. The body is an elegant machine, and its paramount concern is its own survival, which amounts basically to food, shelter and personal safety. The mind, that voice in our heads, has other concerns beyond mere survival, like, say, imagination, creativity, maybe some intellectual pursuits, laughter, an appreciation for beauty, art and nature, etc. On Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which my therapist argues “has not been proven empirically,” which I find funny, the bottom two levels contain and reflect the body’s primary concerns: food, shelter, and personal safety. The upper levels of that, interestingly enough, pyramid-shaped diagram, contain and reflect all of that other “good stuff” that I alluded to that could or should also be experienced in the course of a human life should the individual human ever develop and express an authentic interest in any of those things.
What’s funny is that the book “The Body Keeps the Score” basically proposes that the way to stop being triggered is to get neurofeedback therapy. It’s prohibitively expensive, so I see why it’s not popular, but some public money should go into making it widely available. Especially since mental health issues are such a crisis.
The brain’s primary activity is speculating and making predictions about the future. Most of the time these predictions are wrong, and we (especially those who follow this website) are all in search of ways to deal with the many misapprehensions our Brains hand us. Being ‘triggered’ is a result of hyper-vigilant over-prediction I wonder if it is related to Borderline Personality Disorder?
Triggers are often(for many of us) by trauma and abuse.I have found that my panic and anxiety attacks come from these traumas that have been a result of years of dealing with these factors until they are ingrained into our emotional reactions.With the assistance of medication,counseling and my emotional support animal ( who is a certified legitimate therapy cat) I am able to not continue the pointless punishment of putting myself through the upheaval of many circumstances like used to occur.I still strive to prioritize and possess a calm sense of realistic expectation and drive,but do not have to allow the total physical chaos any longer with these helpful things to assist me.Some traumas are there sometimes that are blocked or shut out or that happen before you grow even an awareness of a chance to guard any against them for yourself or possess any coping skills that are protective.but what you do as a child to cope is to internalize and ignore because that’s all you really know how to exist with any sanity.
Forgiveness and showering my inner child with love. My parents did the best they could… they did more good than bad. My parents wasn’t taught to self love in a world that hates and mistreats black people. Now, I live in the present moment and only create intentional moments and I take nothing personal… I just send people love. If all humans were taught self love… all the wars, poverty, violence, and unkindness would disappear. When you love self… you can’t hurt another living being.
I feel truly sorry for people who have triggers that they have to encounter every day. My only real “trauma” was a horrible experience with needles at the doctor’s office when I was young. I now black out any time I am injected with anything, have my blood drawn, etc… But, thankfully, that pretty much never happens and certainly will never happen unexpectedly in the middle of my day. I can’t imagine if my “triggers” were just regular things that I encounter every day, though.
This type of education should start at young age. It is such an interesting world, the world of feelings and emotions. This reminded me of a quote: ”The more we accept our humanness and our feelings for what they actually are, rather than what we wish they were, the more we digest them and grow as a human being” – Andrew Kenneth Fretwell. From his book Emotional Alchemy The Love and Freedom Hidden within Painful Feelings.
This was exactly right. At least for me this explains my episodes very accurately. I am happy to report that even though I used to have episodes every day, I only have serious ones about once a month now. Taking perspective on what is different now than what was true then has been the key to healing myself.
I appreciate the intent of making this article, but it comes across as a huge oversimplification of the process. Love isn’t, and never has been, enough to overcome trauma. It’s a great starting point, especially if it’s us loving ourselves and being compassionate with our vulnerabilities, and that leads to us finding out how to meet our needs for safety. For me, learning about Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory made my constant underlying feeling of anxiety make sense, when I could rarely explain what I was anxious about (nothing, as it turns out, just a physiological state created by my “tiger alert” system long ago). And EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or any of the related acupressure techniques for addressing emotions) has been the single biggest help in taking the “charge” out of particular triggers. I stacked those on top of trauma informed therapy, benzos for urgent need to bring down anxiety, and years of self-work, so I can’t say for sure how well they would work on their own, but given that you can access some useful information on both of them for free, it might be worth looking into for anyone dealing with triggering fairly often.
I agree and also feel it’s a tough task to manage. Because in reality, the fear I’m having can be equivalent to present day issues. Fear at the grocery store probably not, but when someone is being verbally abusive well then yeah. Balancing the two and remembering it won’t always happen is hard. People can be absolutely terrifying but not all.
I become triggered a lot. Especially if I’m called an idiot or stupid or shouted at. It can take me a few days to get out of the darkness of self loathing and sadness. I am starting to piece back to when I was a child and the events that led to my way of being and its astonishing and scary almost to discover the truths about my triggers. Very insightful and mind blowing for me 😊
The cure for triggering is not “love’,” it is consciousness, learning the skill of observing our own reactions and thus being able to cool the “trigger furnace” in our minds so to speak. Being triggered is sometimes called “dys-regulation”. Self-intervention when we are triggered is sometimes called “re-regulation”. Learning to control one’s tendency to being “triggered” is a skill and thus takes motivation, a sincere desire to change the pattern, and awareness of when we’re triggered and how to pause and step back before responding in some crazy or over the top way. These same principles are easily learned on another YT self-help website called The Crappy Childhood Fairy which addresses the “dys-regulation” of people who suffered abuse/neglect/abandonment as kids. By all means be patient and loving towards people who are always getting “triggered” but just loving them is not enough. That person also needs to learn the practical skills of how to change that pattern. No one can love another person’s tendency to get triggered away. The key is personal awareness and consciousness of the pattern.. Triggers are essentially flash-back reactions; they make us like traumatized war vets on the night of July 4th. Sometimes it is not “love”, but doing the work of self-healing that creates real change in our lives. Seek, and ye shall find. This article is good, but surfacey. . Freeing yourself from being triggered is not only possible but WONDERFULLY liberating.
I remember getting triggered when my classmate asked me something so I answered and then she said “Woah alright, don’t get mad.” The thing is, I wasn’t even mad. My normal voice tone is a little higher than other people and some who aren’t close to me might think I was mad. Just days before that, I got the exact same comment and it stuck on me and when she said that, I literally bursted. I said in the most polite way I could at the moment with all of it bubbling inside me, “I’m not mad, don’t say I am when I’m not. You saying that just makes me even more mad and now, I’m actually mad.” I hate when people said this to me. I already know I need to fix it, but them pointing it out makes me want to breakdown and just, stop speaking!
this was so funny. a few years ago I had this colleague who would make triggering digs at me and I would get SO triggered, looking back I cant help but laugh not only at how over dramatic my reactions were, but also because his remarks were pretty funny XD. people can only trigger you if you allow it, just laugh it off and dont take yourself too seriously
The article that I would truly like to see is one on how to deal with other people who are easily triggered. This article does mention showing love and support, but how does one deal with those who hang on, with an iron grip, to their fragility? Years ago, I ended a friendship, not really because of the friend, but, at least initially, because of his girlfriend. When the friend began dating this woman, it was clear from the beginning that she was emotionally fragile; as time went by, her fragility began, more and more, to impinge on the times I got together with the friend (because, barnacle like, if he was there, then so was she). Once, she had a “mini-breakdown” at a restaurant, her because the peas were touching her mashed potatoes; things went further down hill from there until the friend began to display similar behavior. Finally, I ended the friendship because I saw no other option.
Resolving or as it was called dampening our triggers may also keep away harm from others. One issue i again and again have seen in conversations on the internet is that when people get triggered they loose the perspective with whom they possibly may currently communicate. Say a child who does not understand a context with on its own rather naiv and innocent question or statement, but seen through our shaken world views, our PTSD, our broken perspectives we get triggered and interpret their naivity and innocense as bad faith, willfull ignorance or an “evil” agenda of sorts. Then continue to snap and stomp onto them to battle down a percieved wrong only to propably harm and damage a young mind. I myself am full of rage and need to constantly remind myself in coversations, that these always present feelings have nothing to do with my conversation partners, but are part of me due to past experiences, so i will not be someone who then is responsible to inflict equal rage felt by others due to my carelessness to keep my cool. I think not only could some selfcontrol prevent a lot of toxic behavior shown from many young people, but also prevent their willingness to inflict harm outside this virtuality.
I love these articles but i noticed how psychology in general has a heavy tendency to search for the source of problems on how the relationship with the parents were on childhood. I understand that it is REALLY important, but how about outside the parents or on school? In contact with the social environment? Sometimes i feel that there’s a big and not explored gag to explore about mental health related to other situations, specially pre and teen years.
my childhood has been literally like the story told in this article. it has been the exact same for me and my little sister. I’ve always wanted to make my parents proud and brought home lots of academic accomplishments. at that time, I was enough. I’ve never wanted to be favoured. I’ve never wanted to be better than my siblings, still my mother always compared us to each other. so, as my sister grew older (she’s 17, I’m 21 now) and realized that she doesn’t reach the standards that I have set for her unconsciously, she tried to combat the neglect and feeling of inferiority with putting lots of time and effort into her looks. I remember as soon as she hit puberty, she always wanted to dress like an adult woman. even now, I catch her using hip pads or push up bras because she feels like she has reach some kind of expectations. I’ve never dressed that way. I wasn’t trying to look as sexy as possible at 14. nevertheless my parents praised my sister for exactly doing that, especially my father. and I think it’s more than disguisting. anyway, suddenly I wasn’t enough anymore. suddenly my sister got all the attention and soon my parents weren’t interested in my life anymore, not even for my accomplishments. she was getting praised for her pretty face, her good figure, how she gets attention from all the men. not only that she now has the toxic mindset that the most valuable thing about her are her looks, it also started a war between us where we were constantly trying to bring each other down, call each other ugly.
Very good explanation of the experience of being triggered. Its a bloody nightmare to live with. I used Alcohol to dampen and subdue the physical pain which leads to the anguish. Had to stop that shit, after 35+ yrs. Turns out i can be triggered and use other healthier strategies when my body isnt controlled and poisoned by Alcohol. Didnt know that. So still triggered BUT i am aware im being triggered, that is key to dealing with it, awareness. The what and the how are problems that can be dealt with. Cant stop being triggered however. Can self soothe now. And avoid triggers obviously.
This is interesting. Triggering can be assumed to be caused by actual victimization, sometime in the past; however, the problem with being triggered is assuming harmless things are actually threats. The cure is to ultimately understand the difference; to acknowledge actual past victimization so it can be addressed, while giving up the illusion of being victimized when you are not. Being human, this requires that people show us compassion.
Sometimes, people are automatically labeled “triggered,” for reacting NORMALLY, to shitty behavior. Kind of sick of everybody being condescended to, for doing the horrible thing of REACTING NORMALLY, when someone else is an asshole. Why is the message, “you’re wrong to react,” instead of “that guy’s wrong to be an asshole?” Why are we not working just as hard to change what we are reacting to? “Don’t be triggered, forever” translates to, “just be a doormat, and suck it up.” Addressing the victims as the problem, has never worked, will never work. Why are we not giving equal lip service to just being a decent human, and not trying so hard to “trigger” people?
I love SOL and this helped explaining the why & how triggers happen – but it surely did not do what was in the title, which was how to prevent them, or “stop them forever”. Our awareness around something is helpful but it does not mean that alone will change it. I can know a chocolate cake is bad for me, but that awareness alone would never stop me from eating it.
The way to stop getting triggered is to grow up and realize that the world is not here to please you, or “keep you safe and warm”. Expecting people to act and think and speak in ways that you would like is unrealistic and censorial, and it requires a lot of arrogance to expect these things. As someone with GAD, I have plenty of things that can upset me, but so what? I have to learn to control ME, and MY thoughts, not rely on the world at large to coddle me, lest I have an anxiety attack. Take responsibility.
As an epileptic, I find that after a “close-call” situation where I experience symptoms but no seizure. I get very depressed because I’m reminded of my condition and its ever presence. I’m “late-onset” so I’m still adjusting to this since diagnosis in 2014..It’s ALWAYS “different” and unique each episode or at least it feels that way. It’s like a loop where you WANT to be “used to this” but find yourself “starting over” like every time. But it’s a feeling of hopelessness and inner pain at the moments after. I go through it but ultimately I come out of it because I “shoot back” against the inner dialogues by reminding myself of HOW far I’ve come every time regardless of the severity, it passes. It’s a process fam, but if I can do this, we ALL can. Be grateful for what you have and take everything one day at a time!! Sorry for the long comment, weed helps with this naturally but makes me RAMBLY!!😂😂👍❤♾
The brain is powerful…so much that it can constantly churn out imaginary problems and threats to its existence and try feverishly to solve them without success. Mindfulness meditation helps calm the mind. The book called 30 Days to Reduce Stress by Harper Daniels, it’s more of a small workbook, helped a lot, as did the book called Stop Overthinking by Trenton; both together are awesome.
I agree with everything except for one thing. Triggers does not need trauma in the now or in the past. When you talk scientifically and psychologically, triggers are a serious matter of our trauma haunting us. But that is no longer how the word is used and not in what context it is expressed. The “problem” of this pandemic of triggered people is the allowance and acceptance of toxicity, as long as it’s aimed in the “correct” direction. Instead of self-development, you expect the world to adress your needs. I meet fully functional, non-traumatized people and they’re triggered by everything. Words, actions, text, clothing, Elon Musk buying twitter – you name it; it’s become a controlling tool of the self-love starved. I no longer respond honestly to these people. I am a very outgoing person, but these hyper-triggered people need to look inwards. Like everyone does. Everyone fights with something. They don’t let it out on other people. Even if you’re talking about mundane, random things, like eating habits – someone not sharing your mindset is not an enemy or a trigger. It’s another human being. A new form of bullying is formed and it is fully accepted. And always when I’ve written like a grown-up I have to let off some steam and say: fuck that shit bro.
It’s hell when you have PMDD. You’re ok then ovulation hits and you hate yourself and think everyone hates you, you have self image issues and paranoia and depression. Every single month. It’s varies in severity but you’re powerless to it. I have CPTSD too. So I spend my life talking myself out of my negative thinking, trauma, flash backs, hormonal roller coaster. Sometimes I don’t know why I stay alive because this will never end. Yet. I try and stay positive and hope things will improve. Do you ever think some people were only born to suffer?
Sometimes we are triggered by the toxic working environment or toxic relationship. I think we should try to cut ourselves away from toxic parents, partners or bosses. Love is so difficult to find if you are still in a toxic relationship or environment. You would have to spend too much energy fighting against the passive feelings. Try to find a way to stay away from those who hurt or trigger you and be financially independent first. Learn to take care of yourself and love yourself step by step.
I’m actually going through this phase of feeling extremely triggered right now and it’s terrible. I’m an avid gym goer and absolutely love working out with weights. The problem is every-time I’m at the gym {4 days a week} I find most people simply go there to sit on the equipment looking at their phones, and barely do any work whatsoever. I usually do 2 hour workouts and I’m not exaggerating when I say some people are still in the same position the whole time I’m there. I’m constantly having to confront people when I need to use equipment they are occupying for their phone usage and I can get pretty irritated with them at times. I do look somewhat intimidating so I do not have any fear of anyone but I’m just sick of having to confront these phone zombies and the anger I am feeling in these situations, the anger stays with me until I get home and unwind for a couple of hours. And NO it’s not roid rage, I don’t take steroids or anything like that, this is purely a mental issue…. The Phone Zombie apocalypse stems well beyond the Gym, it’s everywhere!!! Any tips on how I can not get so triggered would be appreciated.
“I just hate the way i need to be patient to see the destruction of my enemies.” (Even though my dad has npd he always supports me and take my side if i get hurt, but fortunately or unfortunately he died 4 years ago And…. Yeah the powerless brothers became overpowered and controlling. (As a youngest daughter with 3 brothers plus an aggressive sister, and a narcissistic father and mother!)
Some of it’s from the past and some of it is systemic. Like being called the “N” word with a hard “R” is fucking annoying when you’re just walking down the street. (Currently live in Hawaii and they do not like foreigners). Only thing you can really do is have stoic philosophy and not let it get to you but being surrounded by it wears you down :/
For anyone that reads this, I need your help/input. With all the horrible things happening in the world right now, the most triggering for me has been the war on Gaza. I get so easily triggered and I have been more anxious in the past 2 months than I have been the whole year. I happen to have done my masters in Israel and met the person I feel is the love of my life there. This situation however has been completely triggering for both of us and in the 1.5 years we’ve dated, this is the first time we’ve fought consistently over an issue. Being an empath has not helped me here because my feelings tend to take over when I see the horror in Gaza. I try to not watch them a lot but I feel that it is necessary for us to see what is happening even though it’s so triggering. How do I overcome this? Or manage the anxiety that has come with having this knowledge?
While his gorgeous voice makes me want to agree with everything, I’ve gone down this path & disagree in part with this simplistic approach. I think that understanding the ‘why’ is only useful insofar as not blaming ourselves/ feeling shame for our triggers. How to become less activated/ triggered lies in being able to observe how we feel, & just observing it with curiosity & compassion. Not engaging it with stories, or by digging in the past for reasons why… Just noticing it, being aware of how we react, & holding space for it till it passes ❤
I see a lot of this behavior on social media. They whine/complain who is supporting them, and who isn’t. I’ve always felt that publicly keeping “tabs” on who supports you, should be beneath you. That mindset is unbecoming and beneath you, especially if YOU are already sure of your capabilities. Your tribe is going to find you, but you can’t publicly have a pity-party about why so & so didn’t come to your event, or didn’t buy your product/services: you should be above that.
Being ‘triggered’ means we STILL haven’t found safety in the present IMO.. if we had we wouldn’t be so prone to fear. Yes there’s unresolved fear from the past – but also valid fear of the present. I think many people end up being invalidated and gaslit by this cliché assumption that the danger is all in the past.. If you’ve been badly abused, it takes years to heal and during that time the predators are never far away.
My past is gone and plays no role my present day. Today, I may come across an obnoxious, inconsiderate person, I may feel slighted by another’s indifferent attitude or I may even drop a hammer on my toe. How I react today in the here and now is all I can control. Maybe it’s nice to know how my overthinking and overreacting started but it serves me no purpose. I’d rather learn a new song on my guitar than look backwards.
Is there anyone who gets triggered by physical touch? I just have some triggers I really don’t understand where they come from. The worst trigger I have is physical touch, I hate it. I want it so badly and I am very lonely and dream of hugging somebody. Sometimes it feels okay or nice but most of the time I can’t deal with it in reality. I want to hug my father for goodbye – I can’t. Want to kiss my brother or mother on the cheek for goodbye but I can’t, sometimes not even say how much I love them. I can’t be touchy with my close friends even when I feel like it. But even WORSE is when someone touches ME. I am SO trigged. I get extremely angry when my brother does it, even when just his arm touches mine when we are perusal TV on the couch. Or when I have to sleep in the arms of my boyfriend – I just cried most of the time and my body was completely stiff and I thought I couldn’t do anything about it. I don’t think I will ever figure out wich trauma caused THIS, because I had a loving family and all. I just know that I was like this since Kindergarten or earlier, maybe I am born like this or had some really bad experiences very early…
I get triggered by simple things like someone not throwing out their wrapping after eating it, or used plates left on the tables and not put in sink, or even someone throwing trash in the bin WITHOUT putting the plastic first. I think I’m just stressed honestly and this small things are pushing it. I even found egg shells in empty trash bin as I said, WITHOUT plastic just two three days ago.
I don’t get it. For decades I’ve heard or have been told or it’s taken for granted that if one just discovers and understands some event from the past, then it will miraculously cure you of some problem in the present. All that’s EVER done is re traumatize me. I have NEVER grown from this process. I wish psychologists would drop this archaic thinking.
Excellent explanation but remember these triggers can develop from much more subtle chronic and repeated patterns of abuse, neglect or mistreatment. But once you’ve identified them, then what? (As one commenter asked below…) I been a holistic therapist for decades and I have also worked on my own traumas for as long. Knowledge and self-awareness are just the first step and that is the essence of traditional talk therapy. Now you need daily accessible tools and techniques to process stuff and feel back in control, and there are many in these times. My favorite as a practitioner and as a user is EFT tapping which is “Emotional Freedom Technique” . Super simple, easy, quick and can be used on anything. Lots of research on it and so powerful it’s even been approved in some vet hospitals for PTSD and has been highly effective, and you can do it on yourself ! There is an art to what you say as you tap on various acupuncture points but you can’t do it wrong even if you said nothing but “I release stress or I release whatever it is that is being triggered” . Lots of free resources online but I would check out the top experts like Nick and Jessica Ortner of thetappingsolution.com and David Feinstein PhD psychologist who has written books on it with lots of science data. His wife Donna Eden has some amazing energy management techniques also for mind, emotions and body. And I teach it and do sessions online with articles and detailed written instructions at catalystresource.com
Tonglen – the practice of compassionate breathing in Buddhism, can be applied to oneself in a difficult situation or a flashback. Breathe in the difficult, “sticky” (Pema Chodron) feeling, breathe out light and love. It is amazing how effective this technique is. Pema calls it affectionate breathing. Apart from engaging in a proven activity that slows down your body’s panic responses, it develops a new habitual response to “triggers”
I love my mother, even though she exhausts me and I don’t care for her politics. Nowadays, sometimes I scream at my parents. Their politics anger me, and mine them. Their casual conversation annoys me. Sometimes I cannot look at her face. She cared for me a whole lot. She raised me. She tried to comfort me when I was sad. She bought me oreo cookies when I told her about sexual trauma. How can I not love her?
I expected more to be said about the development of coping abilities and about our predicting future will have same consequences as the past. Also, got me thinking about triggers that lead to rumination (the stuck, circular thinking) which is maybe not fear-based but figuring out if we can (and how) influence the current situation, maybe also non- acceptance of the unknown when current situation seems risky and is already unsettling one’s peace of mind, imagination comes up with various unpreferrable routes that things could go, etc
byron katie’s “the work” is a process i recommend. family constellations in a group are great too. what’s been the most helpful to me personally is the alexander technique. i am currently training to become a teacher and it’s really changed so much – from being less irritable and reactionary and instead more stable, patient and aware to enjoying my body and thinking a lot more, to having even deeper and more beautiful connections with others compared to a year ago.
It’s a pity that the author used, as a trigger, a benign photo of a person. What I find is a much more accurate scenario of a trigger is experiencing a scenario that very much matches the original trauma, but in lesser form. Eg. You fled a marriage where your husband repeatedly called you a b*tch. Then, a random person gets mad at you and calls you a b*tch. The thing is, it’s still abuse. It is not a benign photo. It needs to be dealt with but we react to a cascading history of being called a b*tch rather than the one isolated instance, hence we may ‘overreact.’ And NO, I do not find dysfunctional environments comfortable. I have tried to transfer out of a dysfunctional department at work and they keep reassigning me there because everyone else has been walking out and quitting. People who are not AWARE of what constitutes abuse may unwittingly not recognize the red flags so blindly walk in. But once they are aware, NO ONE wants dysfunction or abuse.NO ONE finds it comfortable. They just don’t know what constitutes ‘healthy normal’.
The issue here I think is more complex than this and I feel needs to be addressed comprehensively. For starters the solution of love assumes that you have access to loving and understanding people. If not the situation will likely turn into depression and everything that comes with that. The best solution from my experience is building the right internal structure to combat these situations. Please note that building this takes time but the outcome is trusting yourself with confidence. There so much I would like to say about this.
for me not being aware I’m triggered can have me behaving very oddly. I got triggered by bad music at a friend’s wedding. (yes. it was very strange). I didn’t realize I was triggered and behaved very badly. It wasn’t until I had run away from the wedding (freaking out) that I finally realized I was in the middle of a trigger. I was so embarrassed that I felt bad for weeks afterward.
There are toxic people everywhere on this planet. People who live their life by putting others down to feel better. Then there comes a time when you will fight back and be in your power. Because you have healed your inner trauma ‘s. And guess what; the toxic people will stay where they are, in the dark….TRIGGERED by your shine ! ❤
Triggers are a backpack full of stones and burdens that we carry. The first step to ease such a burden is to acknowledge it and deal with it as any other primitive emotion such as happiness, sadness, fear, and anger. Learn to communicate well with yourself and create positive actions when the gloomy clouds are there.