Parental guidance is the advice, support, and direction provided by parents to their children to help them make decisions and navigate life. It includes imparting values, setting boundaries, and offering guidance based on parental experience. Parental guidance shapes social behaviors in children, modeling appropriate actions and reactions, steering them towards meaningful and productive social interactions.
New research suggests that the traditional model of nature (genetics) and nuture (environment) as primary factors in childhood development should emphasize the importance of parental guidance. Parental guidance plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s development, including critical executive function skills such as impulse control, planning, and problem-solving. Positive parental involvement is linked to better learning outcomes in areas such as cognition, socialization, emotional development, and lifetime.
Parental guidance is essential for education, shaping children’s learning outcomes in areas such as cognition, socialization, emotional development, and lifetime. Parents’ parenting style is influenced by attitudes about discipline, past experiences, and family ecology. Positive guidance and discipline are crucial for children because they promote self-control, teach responsibility, and help them make thoughtful choices.
Parental Advisory is a warning label placed on audio recordings that contain explicit content, such as profanity, violence, or sexual content/references. Parental Guidelines are a television content rating system in the United States that was first proposed on December 19, 1996. Effective parents observe, recognize, and assess their child’s individual genetic characteristics, then cultivate their child’s strengths.
In conclusion, parental guidance plays a vital role in shaping a child’s development, with parents playing a crucial role in shaping their children’s skills, behaviors, and values. Parental involvement is essential for promoting self-control, responsibility, and thoughtful choices in children.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| Does the “Parental Advisory” sticker matter anymore? | The “Parental Advisory” sticker, like video game and movie ratings, was something my parents took very seriously at the time. | reddit.com |
| Parental Advisory Meaning | Pop Culture by … | Parental Advisory refers to a warning label, typically applied to music products, that signifies there is explicit content that may be inappropriate for … | dictionary.com |
| A Quick Guide to Parental Advisory Labels | A Parental Advisory label (PAL) on records featuring controversial and explicit lyrics or content. Most likely due to public pressure and a desire to avoid any … | info.xposuremusic.com |
📹 Consequences of Over Protected Children- Jordan Peterson
About Jordan Peterson: Jordan Bernt Peterson is a Canadian clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University …
What Does My Parental Guidance Mean?
Parental guidance encompasses the assistance and support parents provide to their children, addressing various challenges such as emotional, social, behavioral, and educational difficulties. This concept involves parents helping their children regulate emotions, establish rules, and impart values, thus facilitating healthy development. It is vital for nurturing a child's growth into an autonomous and responsible adult. Parental guidance extends beyond everyday supervision; it signifies an active role in shaping children’s behaviors, social skills, and moral values, influencing their future trajectory.
Recent research emphasizes the significance of parental guidance, alongside traditional factors like genetics and environment, in child development. The term also relates to assessing the appropriateness of media content for children, suggesting parents play a critical role in filtering information their children consume. Furthermore, parental guidance aims to enhance children’s decision-making abilities and executive functions through constructive advice and direction.
It is a holistic approach that fosters a nurturing relationship where parents actively participate in managing their children's emotional and behavioral growth, ultimately contributing to the development of essential social skills. In essence, parental guidance serves as a crucial compass for children as they navigate various life aspects, shaping their character and equipping them with the necessary skills to thrive.
What Is Guidance Of Parents?
Parental guidance encompasses the ways in which parents teach and support their children in managing emotions and behavior. This includes modeling positive behavior, emotional regulation, and respectful interactions. It is a fundamental aspect of child development, crucial for helping children acquire the skills necessary for navigating their environments effectively. Recent research indicates that parental guidance, alongside genetics and environment, plays a significant role in shaping children's social behaviors and emotional growth.
Effective parental guidance lays the foundation for children to become mature, autonomous individuals by offering support in various developmental areas, including cognitive, social, and emotional aspects. Warm, attentive responses to a child’s needs foster essential attachment, promoting self-control and responsible decision-making as children learn appropriate social conduct.
A practical approach to parental guidance involves consistent routines and positive discipline strategies, helping caregivers address challenges in their children’s emotional and behavioral development. The objective is to create nurturing relationships that encourage curiosity, cooperation, and trust while providing a safe environment for growth. By modeling appropriate behavior and maintaining calm interactions, parents can guide their children toward developing a strong moral compass and sense of responsibility, ultimately preparing them for the complexities of young adulthood.
What Is The Purpose Of Child Guidance?
Child guidance and discipline are critical aspects of upbringing that foster self-control, responsibility, and thoughtful decision-making in children. Positive guidance encourages parents to create conditions for their children to evolve into mature, autonomous individuals. Parental guidance is one of six vital parenting capacity dimensions that reflect a parent's ability to respond effectively to their child. Using functional analysis, educators can identify the triggers and functions behind challenging behaviors in children, promoting a better understanding of their needs.
Effective adult guidance focuses on teaching self-regulation through strategies like logical reasoning, cooperation, and problem-solving rather than merely correcting behavior. This holistic approach not only supports immediate behavior management but also lays the foundation for future development. Positive discipline is characterized by respectful boundaries, fostering self-esteem, and encouraging accountability in children. The ultimate aim is to cultivate socially acceptable behaviors while equipping children with social skills to navigate their relationships.
Positive child guidance ultimately nurtures emotional, social, and cognitive growth, ensuring children learn from their mistakes and develop lasting resilience. By engaging with children through effective and supportive interactions, parents and educators create environments conducive to learning and personal development.
Why Is Parental Guidance Important?
Parental guidance and discipline are fundamental to effective parenting, serving to not only correct bad behavior but also to foster children’s self-control, responsibility, and care for others (Howard, 1996). This guidance involves helping children develop essential life skills, behaviors, and values to successfully navigate their environments. Recent research suggests that understanding childhood development requires recognizing the critical role of parental guidance alongside genetics and environmental factors.
Support from parents and caregivers assists children in overcoming adversity and coping with stigma related to race, gender, and other factors. Through modeling socially acceptable behavior, parents set a framework for their children’s future. Consistent guidance influences a child's life trajectory, helping them cultivate an internal sense of responsibility and morality. By establishing reasonable limits, parents offer stability, enabling children to understand the consequences of their actions.
Effective parental involvement aids in bridging the transition to adulthood, equipping children with vital decision-making skills. Thus, parental guidance is key not only in education but also in shaping a child’s cognitive and emotional development. This consistent and loving direction from parents allows children to explore their world confidently, illustrating the profound impact of nurturing and supportive parenting.
How Does Parental Guidance Affect Child Development?
Parental guidance is vital in developing a child's character, intellect, and emotional health. It creates a nurturing environment that prepares children to handle life’s complexities, ensuring they are healthy and instilling essential cultural values. However, parental procrastination and cognitive biases can hinder effective parenting. Traditional views on childhood development have evolved, highlighting the need for a relational health science perspective that encompasses parental guidance's significance.
Sensitive caregiving bolsters a child's maturity and cognitive growth, while excessive parental involvement may disrupt their behavioral development. Research illustrates that parenting styles significantly influence a child's self-esteem, academic success, and happiness. Securely attached children, nurtured through responsive parenting, exhibit curiosity and independence. Each parent's unique approach shapes their child's morals and values, with distinct styles categorized for study.
Furthermore, parents influence their child's understanding of their environment and can help steer them away from challenges. Positive parenting changes lead to improved early learning skills and reduced problematic behaviors. Overall, parental involvement critically impacts intellectual and social development, emotional health, and long-term learning outcomes, fostering children's growth and success across various domains.
What Is The Purpose Of Parental Guidance?
Parental guidance is crucial for enhancing children's social skills, fostering their development into mature, autonomous adults. Research shows that emphasizing parental involvement alongside traditional factors of nature and nurture can greatly influence childhood development. Through modeling appropriate behavior, attitudes, and ethics, parents help children navigate social interactions effectively. They ensure children are healthy, safe, and equipped with the resources needed for success while transmitting cultural values.
Positive guidance and discipline are essential as they promote self-control, responsibility, and thoughtful decision-making. Parents provide direction, impose rules, and teach values, significantly shaping their children's lives and future paths. Parental guidance also involves empowering parents through therapeutic support, particularly beneficial in conjunction with their child's own treatment. Such guidance helps in managing emotional challenges, behavioral issues, and fosters a sense of morality and responsibility in children.
By offering advice and resources, parents enhance their capability to support their families, ultimately leading to improved educational outcomes and lifelong learning for their children. In this way, parental guidance plays an integral role in childhood development and overall well-being.
What Is The Meaning Of Parental Guidance Advised?
Parental guidance signifies the responsibility of parents to direct their children's growth, allowing them to watch movies or engage in activities based on adult judgment. It entails shaping behaviors, social skills, and moral values, which are crucial for future development. Recent studies underscore the need to prioritize parental guidance alongside genetic and environmental factors in child development. Such guidance involves support and direction that helps children cultivate essential skills and values necessary for navigating life successfully.
The importance of parental guidance lies in its role in instilling morality and responsibility within children. It encompasses ongoing advice that can manifest both through direct counsel and through parents' behaviors. Parental guidance also recognizes the significance of parent involvement for developing critical functions like impulse control and problem-solving in adolescents. Furthermore, it may be complemented by therapeutic work, benefiting both parents and children in their developmental journeys.
Ultimately, parental guidance serves as a compass steering children towards becoming responsible adults, illustrating the delicate balance between providing direction and allowing freedom as they grow.
How Can I Remove Parental Guidance?
To manually remove parental controls from your child's Google Play app, start by opening the Google Play Store on the Android device and navigating to profile settings. Select Family and then open Parental Controls; switch off the toggle to disable the feature. Parental controls help limit access to inappropriate content and manage screen time. For iPad users looking to disable parental controls, follow specific steps outlined in guides. Disabling these controls will lift app restrictions, content filters, and purchase limits. Google Family Link is a tool for managing children's online activity on Android, requiring the family manager to remove supervision if the child is over 13. On Windows 11, access the Family Safety settings to manage user accounts easily. Android devices have built-in parental controls accessible through settings. To adjust or turn them off on iPhones, navigate to Settings > Screen Time. Methods for disabling parental controls on Android include using the app and accessing device settings. If you do not recall the Family Link passcode or want to remove supervision on your child's account, you may need to factory reset the device or create a new Google account. For situations with incorrect birthdays in child accounts, waiting is the primary option unless creating a new account.
Is Parental Advisory Legally Required?
In the United States, artists are not legally obliged to use a Parental Advisory label on their music albums or songs; however, many choose to do so voluntarily to alert listeners to explicit content and aid parental discretion. Unlike the music industry, movie ratings are generally mandatory, as films lacking ratings may face distribution challenges. The Parental Advisory Label (PAL) serves as a warning indicating that a recording may contain strong language or graphic depictions of violence, sex, or substance abuse.
While the RIAA recommends that such content warrants a Parental Advisory label, its application remains a voluntary decision for record labels. This label is particularly important when selling to significant distributors, although there's no explicit legal requirement to include it. Furthermore, there's no standardized definition of "explicit," with criteria primarily focusing on strong language or themes of violence, sex, or substance abuse.
The use of the PAL mark necessitates a License Agreement with the RIAA and is not mandated by government regulations, allowing artists the option to create their own labels if desired. Essentially, usage of the label rests entirely upon the discretion of the artist or label.
Who Created The Explicit Content Warning?
In 1985, the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) collaborated with the National Parent Teacher Association (National PTA) and Tipper Gore's Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC) to address parental concerns regarding explicit content in music. This led to the introduction of the "Parental Advisory: Explicit Content/Lyrics" label in 1987, aimed at providing warnings about profanity, violence, and sexual references in recordings. The label emerged after Tipper Gore, disturbed by her daughter singing Prince's "Darling Nikki," mobilized a campaign to inform parents about explicit music.
Music historian Claude Chastagner notes that Gore and a group of women aimed to establish a structure for which parents could be informed about inappropriate content. The labeling system was inspired by existing film ratings, and on November 1, 1985, the RIAA agreed to implement warning stickers as a compromise. Despite initial tensions, this decision marked a significant change in the music industry.
The Parental Advisory label has since become iconic, symbolizing the ongoing dialogue about explicit content in art and the responsibility of parents. Over the years, it has served as a guideline for parents seeking to protect children from unsuitable material.
Why Do People Still Put Parental Advisory?
The Parental Advisory label, designed to alert parents about potentially objectionable content in music, became a voluntary warning system aimed at informing viewers, particularly guardians, about themes unsuitable for children, such as explicit language and violence. The debate surrounding the label led to revisions, resulting in the current designation: "Parental Advisory: Explicit Content," established following congressional hearings in 1994.
However, the effectiveness and relevance of this label have diminished over time, resembling a relic rather than a strong warning sign for parents. The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) owns the label, requiring record companies to submit a licensing agreement for its use. Despite declining usage among some industry segments, the label still occasionally appears on physical records, though digital music consumers are more accustomed to alternative warning systems, like the "E" rating in iTunes.
The origins of the Parental Advisory label trace back to the Parents Music Resource Center (PMRC), a group advocating for explicit content warnings in 1985, which influenced the music industry significantly. Presently, the label serves as a tool for parental guidance, though its historical context and the scrutiny surrounding explicit content persist in discussions about the music industry's responsibilities and audience protection.
📹 Does over parental guidance cause kids to lose their sense of independence?
How does helicopter parenting affect children, specifically in the aspect of maturity and personal growth? #shorts #parenting …
I’ve been overprotected all my life. I didn’t learn to take care of myself since recently. I did not know how to solve problems and to deal with hardships and failure. When I was ‘thrown in the world’ I felt like a baby, I didn’t know how to manage anything. Other children, who were raised more independently, knew how to deal with hardship and failure much easier. I just developed a huge fear of failure that haunted me throughout my life.
Couldn’t agree more. My parents were overprotective when I lived with them and never wanted me to do stuff by myself. Even some totally basic no brain stuff. I only realized how bad it was once I moved to a different country to study at a college. Once you live all by yourself you get more freedom, but at the same time more responsibility. Neither of which i was used to. It took me about 2 years to fully adapt to this way of life. Pain really does make you mature quickly and teach you the ways of life.
Both my parents were insanely over-protective, i wasn’t allowed to make friends or go anywhere without their supervision. It was even to a point where i wasn’t allowed to go for walks around the neighborhood because they were scared i might get murdered by a serial killer, which is weird since we lived in an extremely safe neighborhood. I remember being really excited about going to college because i thought i’d finally have freedom but when my parents found out i was applying to out of state schools they started freaking out about how they didn’t want me to die or become a drug addict so i ended up going in-state instead but i had to carpool with my dad to and from campus everyday and they’d keep calling me throughout the day to make sure i was where i was supposed to be. The amount of stress they were putting on me and the fact that i had absolutely no control over any aspect of my life caused my mental health to take an extreme nosedive until i ended up dropping out of school. I think every aspect of my life has been crippled because of how over-protective they still are, though i am trying to salvage my future. But it’s really hard since they’re still just as over-protective
I’m actually about to have my first kid, it was not planned at all, and while me and the mother are still together and very happy, we only met 5 months before she got pregnant. She’s 18, and I’m 20, I never imagined having a kid this young. But once she decided that she wanted to keep it, I knew that there was nothing to do other than step up and make the most of it. Now I can’t wait to meet my baby, everything I do now is for that child. Not me. It’s very odd how having a kid can just change your entire outlook on life.
As a child of an overprotective mother, this article resonates with me. I will admit that my emotional and social maturity suffered profoundly as a result of having a mother who, despite having the best intentions and being a strong resilient good hearted person, held me back from learning a lot of life’s valuable lessons at an suitable early age. I went through my 20’s and into my 30’s as a very angry, bitter and confused person. Mainly because the expectations I had built up in my own mind, throughout my experiences (or lackthereof) in my childhood and adolescence, of what certain aspects of life would/should be like by the time I reached adulthood (particularly on the relationship & social levels, as well as in professional work life), did not turn out the way I had imagined. And also, my expectations were shaped by outside influences (ie: tv, film and music). As I approached 40 years old, I sought counselling to better understand why I am the way I am, what exactly happens in certain moments where I lose my temper (not violently thankfully) and act out in childish fashion, and how I can better manage my own emotions and expectations. The best conclusion I could come to was that there is/was a crucial part of me still stuck in childhood. And I never previously developed the ability to understand that, in a nutshell, life is 10% what happens, and 90% how I react to it, thus putting the power to change outcomes (as far as my own mental wellbeing anyway) in my own hands. I’m not going to say I’m “all good” and a great example of a healthy well adjusted individual.
I live in Vietnam, my mom is a single mom, she tries to protect me at any cost, but when I’m 18 I went to university, I made some worse relationships, I went through a lot of mistakes, I struggled to be alone, and I easily believe in others and I had been treated badly. I’m 21 now, and I have watched many of Peterson’s articles. I learn how to cook, maintain relationships, and remove bad people from my life. I learn how to take care of myself. I’m healing myself. Believing in yourself guys, if it’s not oke, it’s not the end.
My three sons cook, clean, do laundry, bring in firewood, cut the grass etc. They’re responsible for remembering their gear for sports. I made them tie their own shoes and dress themselves as soon as they were able. I don’t solve problems FOR them, I help them solve their own problems. I’ve been accused of being too hands off with my kids….until people see them around other kids. Some kids (teenagers) these days can’t cross the street on their own. 🤦🏻♂️
We had an only child – a boy. We had exchange students and encouraged our son to play sports. He loved sports and being on teams with kids he wouldn’t choose to be friends with. This toughened him up much like siblings. He also had coaches he didn’t like – we used that as a lesson about having bosses you might not like later in life. We let him ride his bike all over town. We limited screen time and encouraged playing music. We involved him in Habitat fir Humanity – he saw how people can work to lift up a family in need. He actually enjoyed learning how to build houses and became an engineer.
Parents today (I’m a parent of a 9 and 5 year old) are to overprotective. They won’t allow their kids to make mistakes or take responsibility. A perfect example was when this year we started leaving our 9 year old at home for 15 minutes to do his online school while my wife took the 5 year old to his school. People freaked out when they heard what we were doing. In the 80s we were walking to school by ourselves, allowed to go out on bikes alone, go to the park, etc. I learned to take responsibility for my actions. Helicopter parent your kids and you’re going to be in the pilots seat for life.
Wow yes. I believe this 100%. I adopted my daughter. She was so wanted and precious. I was older. 30 years of age. I.did everything for her. I always stopped her making mistakes thinking I was helping. She had everything I could give her. I gave her all my time and put her first in everything. Because she was adopted I tried to make up for it by always bring kind and understanding. She never suffered unfairness. I know now this didnt prepare her for life. On the other hand I was the youngest of three. Two older brothers and I was often punished for the things they did. I learnt life wasnt fair but that was a good lesson. My Mother was a wonderful lady but was often short of time so we did a few chores ect I spoilt my daughter and I realise now that wasnt good parenting even though it was driven by love. She dosnt speak to me now. I brought her daughter up until 3 and a half. Gave up my job. I never resented it . I only ever wanted the best for her. Apparently I’m not a good enough Mother or Grandmother. I think now. The easier you make your child’s life the less they appreciate you. Dont make my mistakes. Your child will respect you more if they have to work a little at their own lives.
I grew up as one of two children, being the younger one with two very loving parents who gave me just about everything I wanted. They coddled me, did a lot for me, too much probably, but hell, I also welcomed it. My life was so easy so I didn’t complain. Now I am an adult, feeling quite overwhelmed and honestly maladjusted to being independent after university. This article really resonated with me.
my parents overprotected the heck out of me and my siblings. now we all have social anxieties, are socially awkward, and are immensely struggling while dealing with work and studies. what’s worse is that after years of holding down our necks, our parents suddenly want us to be independent WHILE still being overprotective. what’s worse is that I don’t think they know that they are overly strict and kinda emotionally abusive… I wanna get my siblings outta this situation but I know that the guilt tripping will follow me everywhere until I give up eventually…
Back before the internet and self help books. I did some pretty stupid things when I was a kid. I broke a few laws at 15. My Dad found out. He didnt get mad or yell….he just said “be up tomorrow at 7 and dont be late, we have somewhere important to go”. I went to bed not thinking anything. Got up on time and hopped in the car. He took me to the police station downtown and kicked me out of the car. He said, go turn yourself in. For whatever reason, I listened and did. It was ugly. Details are boring but this changed me. I had to stand at trial and I seen what my actions had done to my Dad. That was worse then the juvy hall holiday stay, the hours of planting flowers I had to do for restitution or anything else. The look of pain I gave my Dad. Knowing this was in the paper made it worse. But it saved me. Had he not taking this very difficult path for me, I would have eventually been caught…but maybe I would have kept getting away with it for a few more years then tried as an adult…that wouldnt have ruined my life. It was all sealed except for in my mind where it to this very day still burns when I think about how I hurt the people that loved me. I am a very successful middle aged adult now and made my Dad very proud. Wouldnt have happened without his gutsy and painful move to make ME face the penalties/consequences of my actions.
I was raised by an overprotective mother who was also over-controlling. She was always questioning me about my problems and privacy and always gave her opinion. Thus, I feel dependant on her judgement and I’m unable to say if I’m a good or a bad person. I’m also unable to make decisions by myself. When she criticizes me, I feel belittled and I’m unable to see myself otherwise. Because of that, I can’t assert myself with the others and I let everybody trampling me. Because she controlled my privacy (she entered my bedroom any time she wanted and decided how it was decorated, I never had the choice), I never feel ready to let anybody enter my privacy. I feel threatened when I try. Neo-feminists always talk about the patriarcat, but they never mention the matriarcat expressed through motherhood: mothers have an incredible power on their children (= future adults).
I have taught kids of super strict parents and supportive/ friendly parents. The kids who have super strict parents are always worried and trying their best to make every thing so perfect. They are anxious since childhood. The kids of the friendly /supportive parents go ahead and do not worry about making mistakes.
I felt this. I am currently 21 and my parents over protected the shit out of me all in the name of safety. I appreciate them for it but right now, I really can’t do anything on my own. I am currently in University and even if I tell my dad I wanted to stay behind for the break, he would get pissed at me and stop talking to me for questioning his authority. I am Nigerian and parents are really big on respect here but I feel like he is not allowing me to find life for myself. He just wants me to keep doing what he wants when he wants and I am getting sick of it.
I’m the oldest of 12 and I love the way us siblings looked out for one another and helped each other out. My dad worked a low paying job in California, my mom was a home maker. God blessed us with what we needed and more. I felt like a victim as a teenager, that it was my parents fault that I didn’t have things everyone around me had. It wasn’t until I was older that I appreciated the hardships and the values I learned from them am that I realized I was the one privileged with hardships. I had two valedictorian siblings and my parents never forced us to go to bed early, do your homework, get tutoring, etc. They showed us how to pray, reminded us to forgive and get along with one another, and what you have is by the blessing of God, and work. God bless you all
Things we heard from our parents: “You don’t do chores, you don’t eat.” “Go entertain yourselves elsewhere.” “You want it, go make money or ask me for ways to earn more and I’ll work with you on it.” “You want it, you need to take care of it properly.” They also were patient, took us hiking a lot, knew how to have fun with very little money (we had very little money). I’m so glad they raised me like that, the day I moved out, I was fine, knew how to handle my car, knew how to keep my little place clean, knew how to make money, knew how to budget, knew how to deal with routine life matters (and answered the phone if I called asking “um, what would you do if…” type things).
My mom told me to give my kids the gift of quiet time alone. This allows them to be creative and it develops concentration. I found this to be wise. As a high school teacher, I saw the distinct benefits for learning for those who were allowed the time as children to be a little bored and develop creativity and concentration.
Had an emotionally abusive narc mother and an overprotective controlling father. You can imagine the mess I’m in now that I’ve entered my 30s. Still single, living with parents, quit job due to inability to manage stress, and now trying to figure out how to crawl out from this hole I’ve fallen into. To parents or would be parents, please don’t abuse your children, don’t overprotect them, give them a childhood that they won’t need to spend years healing from later on in life
From experience as a current 19 year old Gen Z’er, I completely agree with this. It wasn’t until I hit college did I realize how much my hand was held for my whole life. My mother in particular always scheduled everything for me, always helped me with my homework, basically made sure she was involved in my life as much as she could be so in her mind, I would grow up “the right way”. Once I hit college and my mother could no longer do everything for me or be as involved as she once was, it’s almost as though I felt… alone. Like just the mere thought of having to decide things for myself and without anyone involved was scary to me and I still experience that today to an extent. Thankfully once I realized this, I made it a major goal in my life to strive for self improvement everyday and break out of this mindset however as I mentioned, I still have that sense of being afraid to do things alone and it’s very hard to shake it since that was all I knew while growing up. I completely agree with Jordan here, letting your kids have some extent of freedom and ability to make decisions on their own is tremendously valuable and failing to do so leads to your kids becoming afraid to do anything on their own in life.
I think one of the things I appreciate about what he has to say is that at no point does he try to make it out like there’s a simple problem with a simple solution. He’s acknowledging that there are many challenging things to balance here and that while in some ways some of the balance has shifted out of what is likely optimal, it’s not just plainly obvious where the right balance lies. I liked his term “usefully neglectful”. Younger parents are more likely to leave their kids to fend for themselves in more situations which can end up being a positive force in their lives not out of some kind of special parenting wisdom, but just out of the nature of how people tend to behave in their 20’s vs their 30’s. There’s another clip I remember seeing where he makes the point to not interfere when your child attempts something dangerous safely. It’s really hard to grow when you don’t take risks.
Thank you for saying this Dr Peterson. As a teacher, I feel so sorry for the students that have over protective parents. It shows, it really shows. I can point out students that have older or over protective parents in two seconds. These students are developmentally stunted, I don’t care what anyone says, I’ve seen it first hand!
I’m 61 and was the middle child of 3, often felt worthless round strangers as a teenager. I was overprotected and was scared of everything. I left home at 33 then met my husband and had my daughter at 42. I looked back and made sure my kid was allowed to mix and go out, yes I was full of fear but she has grown to be very independent at 19; she was as a little girl. I think getting them to mix with other children is the key when they’re an only child and you have to let them go
Whenever my kids complained about their upbringing I’d laugh and say “bad parenting builds character, you’ll thank me one day.” My oldest son who is 21 and a US Marine actually did thank me last week. I was 17 when I had him and his dad died right after he was born so we never had much money but he always had what he needed. He said growing up poor helped him stay in touch with reality and how the world really operated. He is so amazing.
My parents tried to control my life. Grew up with a narcissistic father. So fucking pissed. As I started getting disciplined on my own, I started getting more independent and finding my own way. I realized the mind games my parents were playing on me. I feel like they tried to keep me weak. Now I try to challenge myself everyday consistently which has helped me to wake up a little bit.
My sister in law and her husband are both child psychologists and had a son 2 years ago. It amazes me how two people who are highly educated over protect their son so much that nobody was allowed to hold him since birth unless he the baby lol agreed to it. So of course he’s never been held by anyone but his parents and falls apart if one of them needs to go to the toilet or something…
Parenting in my 20’s was a lot of fun. I definitely tried to protect my oldest a lot, spoiled him quite frankly. But then we had a 2nd child and then a 3rd. I would say I was “usefully neglectful” so that my kids would learn, sometimes with great frustrations, to play together and communicate and connect. They learned to be friends. They finally learned that it’s not “all about me.”
The problem isn’t overprotectiveness; it’s coddling without proper discipline. In reality, you can’t protect your children too much. If your so-called overprotection is harmful to your children, it’s not really protection. I promise you that there are many balanced and resilient adults who were very sheltered as kids, but they were also properly loved. And love apart from proper discipline isn’t love; it’s abuse.
I can attest to this man’s words from experience and raising kids from having them from a young age. Coming from a broken home and then my kids having to deal with a broken home and a heartache that comes with it. While doing everything I can to give my kids a better life than I did. The struggles in life is not what defines us but the way we over come them. I’m a single dad that support and delt with the heart breaks. My daughters went through tough times. I taught them respect,kindness and responsibility. All while showing them life will get better and even on the saddest day you will smile again. Chin up and look forward 👍 I’ve have found the people who has the hardest roads in life most of the time will appreciate good people more and see bad people for what they are. These are real life lessons to teach if you can.
My parents got me in their forties,and I was their third child.My mom always tells me that I came late,and that she had no energy for me.I think of this as an advantage especially when I compare myself to my older sisters.I think that the spirit of adventure,and the freedom to make poor choices, to hold myself accountable and more importantly to keep my mistakes for myself without being obliged to tell my parents about them are shaping my way of being .In the end, because they knew that they can’t keep up with my pace,my parents were pushed to trust me and let me be.
I’m in my early 20s and I can’t drive, communicate enough to get work done without compromising with my needs (made improvement recently on that) and have issues to motivate myself to get some work done (trying to make improvement on that). I can totally see where he’s coming from. My only regret is that it took me too long to realize that and it happened during the lockdown when I realized that this kind of life might be meaningless. I’m trying to change things now and instead of blaming the society, I’ve accepted that maybe there’s something wrong with me instead of taking the easy way out. People of my generation are in much better condition than I am but I’ve stopped looking at them and I want to focus on myself now and become better than I was yesterday.
I was a parent at 20, now I have 7 children. Everything he just said is absolutely true. My first born just graduated from UCLA, a very independent young women. All my children get along so well, and not one has ever talked back to me. They are all sweet kids. They know how much I’ve worked for them, and they don’t ask me for anything.
I never knew what it was like to get given things and be looked after like a child. My parents neglected my sisters and I so I, being the oldest was the one that raised my sister’s. I learnt from a very young age how to cook clean and wait on my parents when they were home and look after my siblings and do the household chores . My god what a gift it was! Today I fear nothing, cause I learned from a very young age that nobody’s just gonna show up to help you, you have to expect nothing from anyone and learn to rely on yourself!
I got my child in my early twenties. I quickly became a single mum. Oh, and I am brown. Statistically, not a great start 😉 I worked very hard to offer him a balanced life thought. We travelled the world, I paid for his education. He was my biggest responsibility and greatest joy from day 1. We did struggle financially at times, and I didn’t hide it from him, we found ways to budget well and enjoyed even that. Teaching him values was the main thing for me. I taught him to do the dishes age 3. He learnt to cook age 8. Cleaned the house age 14, that was his duty as by then I was working 2 jobs to pay for his education. He understood it and was onboard. Kids are smart, just keep communication flowing. Although his dad and I separated, I always made sure they maintained a lovely relationship. Today my kid is 19, studies his passion, music. A smart critical thinker, respectful, well rounded human being I’m proud of. It can be done.
I’m grateful that my parents gave me a lot of time to myself. I got to know myself more than I ever would’ve before. I just feel like a well-developed person. Despite facing Autism, Tourette’s Syndrome and a few other disabilities in my life, I still feel that I function on the same level as many normal people.
Your parents form your balance in duality. Too much love without discipline (and mistakes) creates adults who crave love from others but are not so adept at giving it and have a reduced respect for authority (whatever shape that authority comes in). Too much discipline and not enough love and you create an adult who feels they don’t deserve the love that comes their way and who has issues with temperament. It’s incredibly challenging to get the balance right as a parent.
Makes perfect sense. I had 3 brothers growing up and a stay at home Mum, so only my dad’s income for a family of 6. We got left alone to play and figure stuff out. I was the kid at the park hanging upside down from the bar that holds the swings in place while yelling, “look Mum! Look!” And she’d be like, “yup.. cool.. well done.” I had never even heard of the word anxiety until my late twenties when it’s all alone ever said, I had to ask, “what the hell are you talking about?” People doing regular daily activities like waking up early to get to work. ” Omg, 5.30am?! Oh my anxiety!” Seriously, what? I think some people need to be introduced to the real world way earlier. I see kids in their twenties entering the work force these days and don’t even know how much milk or sugar they take on their coffee/tea because “I dunno.. my mum always makes it for me.” You’re fuckin 22 years old! Now raising my own little girl I let her climb things and play like crazy and I see other parents running to pick their kids up, where my kid picks her self up then smiles and waves at me, wipes the dirt off and then gets right back to whatever crazy nonsense are was up to lol she’s 1 year old as of yesterday and she’s been walking for two months and runs now in the park.
I was so coddled, I found myself going mad with frustration but now, trying to be patient with myself, I work hard to find the room to grow…It’s definitely a lot harder when you’re older but it’s still achievable…I still love my parents with every fiber of my being but I’m also taking the steps to be independent later than others as I’ve spent my 20s lost, I’m glad to say I finally found myself now and if that in itself is what’s considered to be hardship…I’ll gladly take it.
I’m an only child, and I was raised by a single mother. I know all about the overprotection. Literally ALL of her time was spent with me outside of school, and even some in school. I love her dearly now, but at the time I grew very resentful of her for this. Overprotecting and over-providing for your children is not healthy either for you or for your child. It crippled me in a way. I’m 33 now, and while our relationship has gotten much better, she still has those overprotective tendencies.
I lived an extremely privileged life as a kid I would say kinda of over protected. But I took really good decision when I turned 22 I decided go abroad for studies. The first three months were bad I didn’t know basic stuff that other people my age could do. Eventual learned everything right from cooking, cleaning, laundry and having a job. I’m really proud of myself now.
I’m a child of overprotective parents and I can assure this has not helped me… they make me so scared of simply walking outside and living it’s actually panicking to just think about it. my mom freaked out because of a party that’s gonna happen for the seniors. she freaked out because of the fact that people who broke stuff or weren’t responsible would have to pay for it, but I know that’s not the source of her concern. she doesn’t want to accept I’m growing up, I’m 18 now, officially an “adult”. and I’m so afraid of reality, so afraid of life… i feel guilty and impure every time I make out with someone and I have never experienced sexual abuse of any kind, you feel guilty for literally living your life. I felt/feel guilty for going out with my friends, even if I didn’t do it much. my mom made a scene once when I was at my neighbor’s house and she would always be sad and doomed whenever I went out to have some fun and I never ever did anything wrong or was a rebel in any way, I never gave her reasons to not trust me. so yeah, I’m dependent, I don’t fully know myself, I’m only entering life now, I struggle a lot with many things regarding life because they didn’t really let me learn from it. I’m not really confident and suffer from very low self-esteem, among other things. but yeah, it’s pretty messed up. make sure you always look out for your children but don’t make them fear the world. make them capable and able to be independent and confident. and also, trust them. many cases of overprotection come from extreme fear for the child’s life and lack of trust in them.
I feel like weeping. I didn’t have a good childhood, most of my days I was stuck in my room while I heard other kids play and laugh, I was forced to deal with overprotectI’ve behaviour because it’s “love” when I tried to speak about my hurt feelings and being questioned with paranoia as my elders motive really shattered my soul. And guess what I’m told. “It’s because they love you” To this day I don’t want to be in relationship because it alters your freedom, I panic a little when men ask me out. And i think love is a very corrupt emotion if that makes you behave like that. And no, I doubt anything happen to them because they go out and come home late whenever it suits them.
As parent, I think about this the whole time. My kids are almost adults, and for me the most difficult thing is to let them make their own choice and learn from consequences. They always ask for advice, and do on their own. It’s not easy to see when they do something wrong, but that’s the onley way they can learn. This World is so great, I just love how we all got different wires in the head❤️
My dad was very abusive, he had ptsd from his dad just like I do. He built me and my brother a granny flat later in life, he knew what he did was wrong but he tried to change. My point is, give your family a second chance. You are no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago. People change, let them change for the better.
My parents were overprotective with me. They loosened up over time with my siblings but I rarely got to interact with my own age group. I still struggle with that to this day even as a 26 year old. I also have an extreme fear of failure and worry being behind my peers in life but yes. I plan on doing things differently with my daughter.
It’s such a hard balance. My parents divorced when I was young and then I lost one of them to cancer as an early teen. It was unimaginably difficult but the lessons of reality I’ve learned from it have been invaluable. So, how do you let your kids struggle enough to gain those benefits without putting them through trauma?
I wouldn’t change one darn thing about raising my four kids…. The youngest finishing high school and the oldest 15 years older. All my kids figured it out without me at around 17, 18 and left home. Made a bunch of mistakes as adult idiots and I now enjoy appropriate grandmotherhood as I finish raising the youngest one.
I know that adult life in general is hard, but I felt like it was especially difficult for me because of this exact reason. I was the golden child among my parents and spoiled the most out of my siblings. When I turned 18 I feel like I was kinda… tossed aside. Like a trophy that lost its polish. And now here I am 21 struggling to even make it through a 30 hour work week at a minimum wage job.
I was, as some would say, overprotected. Ive turned out fine. i have no problems, finishing up school with my third degree. I’ve learned a lot from my parents mitakes so ive made very little. Sure ive made mistakes and ive tested the things my parents warned me about (which lead to more mistakes). Theres a line between protecting too much and making their life too easy. you just gotta find it
Certain cultures look at this in different ways. Especially considering how many predators/weirdo’s are out there these days…. In America, kids are taught to be independent. Whatever happens to you happens and your alone. Kids move far away when grown and live far away Alone. Other places, its perfectly normally for 3 children to grown up, get married with children and still all live under one house. Everyone looks out for everyone. You won’t have much freedom or privacy. But you will be tight knit. Both have pros and cons however. It takes a village to raise a child.
Nowadays, even in animals’ documentaries, real life outdoors life or simple news, there is a banner that states something like: “some of the images we are about to present may be disturbing for some people, we advice caution (or whatever)”. Therefore those who are already underexpose, feeble minded and emotionally immature and that don’t want to change (or feel they are better off) by living in La La Land, can keep staying in that life and being very sensitive and be easily traumatized while demanding all sorts of things (like more censorship, more protection, more State intervention, proscription of books, images, news articles and so on and on).
This is missing a crucial first step. You need to teach your child how to manage independently while giving them opportunity to manage independently. You don’t just throw your kid in the water, some will sink, and sure some will learn to swim. I think you have to balance independence with support and teaching.
It’s a big difference between give the child what it want and give what it need. And give it what you think it needs vs what it really needs. Most parent today give the kids what they want and think they need. Protection from all risk of failing. When you see your 3 y old kid running on a track w roots and rocks, you know it will fall, get a little hurt and cry. You have 3 choices. 1. Run elsewhere or stop the kid from running. 2. Run behind and grab it as soon as it seems to fall. 3. Let the kid fall, pick it up, brush of the dirt, give it a hug and say: That wasn’t so bad. Up again. This is what happen when you run without thinking. Take care when the track is difficult. But keep on running! One of them teach the kid to be a true adult, responsible for its misstakes.
My parents protected me more than they should have, and I have NO resentment of it. I think they were the best people I’ll ever meet. It DID make entering the working world a bit difficult for me, but you know, I had to overcome it. They gave me a big head start in life and I think it really came in handy. If you have good parents, follow their advice and you’ll be okay.
My parents had me early. My mom was 19 and my dad was 21. They had my baby brother 12 years later. The way brother and I describe our childhood really does sounds like we were raised by different parent. I had my parents when they were young, fun and dumb. My brother got them when they were older, mature and way more serious. I remember my parents arguing about ex’s, slamming doors, one of them driving off mad and then the other one follows and I would be left alone in the house. They would be out partying and drinking while I spent days for other family members. By the time, my brother came along they had settle down and outgrew their wild days. They were working hard with their career and saving to buy a home.
my parents neglected me in every way possible,they always shut me off when I wantedto talk about my feelings to them..they would get pissed when I couldn’t do school very well because I was already getting emotionally exhausted..I’m a grown up who doesn’t process my emotions properly,and I don’t know how happiness feels,and I can get very aggressive or hostile.
I am 56 now, and so thankful for my parent’s loving neglect and expectations. I grew up in the wilderness (literally); we ate what we hunted, fished, harvested or grew. Just one example was going on hunting trips – we would bring home three or four deer and usually got home well after dark because the best hunting grounds were many hours away. I was in 6th grade (12 years old) and was expected to: kill, hang, skin, gut and butcher my fair share of the meat (sometimes all night) before I had to get ready for school in the morning. I had dozens of similar jobs and expectations growing up, but I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything – I was so lucky!
This is too true. I easily fell into this category growing up. The irony is the backlash and criticism that followed of why I didn’t perform well and why I tended to overreact to any adversity. Thankfully I spent years without support and learned how to take care of myself. Ended up successful after that. Now that I have to kids I put a lot of emphasis on teaching them to be self-sufficient. Something I lacked. My parents tend to treat them as they did to me so establishing boundaries there is also a part of my plan.
I’m sorry as a man with red hair. Being bullied as a kid is what forged my mental toughness. No one was their to protect me, so then you learn how to deal with it. I stand at 6’2 with a decent athletic physique (always was the taller and leaner kid) So when kids busted my balls I busted there’s right back. Calling them fat, short or whatever I could hit them with. Although I hated getting made fun of for my red hair as I use to be super insecure about it. Getting made fun of built a tougher mine. Because In life you will always meet douchebags, but you have to be strong enough to not let them get to you.
I still live with my parents and love how affectionate they act towards me, especially since my brother left for university. But other times, my mom will ask me to do something, and if I do the slightest thing wrong with it she’ll completely take over leacing me with nothing to do. I understand wanting me to learn to do it right but it also makes me so frustrated because I WANT to make that mistake and learn from it so I can be useful, be somewhat independent even if I live in the same house.
TLDR: I love my parents to death, they are genuinely the most amazing people I know. They’ve taught me life lessons and have always been there for me. I have struggled being independent from them, even as a 19 yo today, because I grew up being in what I’d consider to be a overly-protective household. I struggled dealing with that as a child and even now, I’m still not allowed to stay out when I please and to spend my money as I wish despite being adult, all because I’m under their roof. I’m a student and I could not afford to leave my home, in fact I don’t want to. Im too terrified to be on my own and so far my college experience has been quite awful 😅 I’m just so anxious and afraid to make mistakes that I’ve been taught to avoid. I’d feel so ashamed in doing so because I’ve been extensively warned about the dangers of adulthood.
As a travel-level sports coach of over two decades, I see this all the time. Sports require resiliency like gum! But sadly, the trend of overprotecting is outweighing the parents who let a child fail and learn from that failure. These people blame others (coaches) and move a kid from team to team until they run out of options.
I was resilient when I was younger as I was basically ignored. For some reason as soon as I turned 13 my parents became crazy over protective. I couldn’t get them to leave me alone. They basically destroied my confidence. I kept pushing them away and telling them to leave me alone but they wouldn’t. They ended up putting me in a mental health facility for kids because they couldn’t get to me another way. Every year it got worse, I almost wonder if they feared my independence. They eventually wore me down and got to me. I lost my confidence and live most days with intense anxiety. Dad still controls my life despite trying to set boundaries. I am in my later 20s and my dad still opens my mail despite me asking him not to, he makes appointments etc. Knocks on my door. Demands I’m happy all the time or he throughs a tantrum
I’m 16 and a half. I always see my classmates dropping stories on Facebook. Some of them always do a pattern, for Example: Story 1 is a Song, Story 2 is a poetic quote with a Aesthetically nuanced background, Story 3 is either a picture of them or someplace they’ve visited that day. Mind you, the pictures in Story 3 aren’t pictures of Rich expensive places but rather a small article of them walking/standing showing the environment or shooting a article while they’re sitting in their cars. Story 3 always hurts me the most. I want to just walk to somewhere everyday like them or just be more outgoing. I do hang out with friends more, my parents kinda eased up on me being more independent. I live in a area where crossing the street or just walking is a game of mental chess. I don’t even know where I’m going with this comment. The main thing is that I would love to have more chances to hang out, just go outside and not be bombarded by oncoming traffic and just have more Freedom in general. I don’t blame my parents for being kinda overprotective and keeping me trapped. I did get lost at a Amusement park at 9 so that’s probably one of the contributing factors. I want to be more independent so that I can go from a Boy to a Man and not feel like a little girl. I also want to be more active in social media and have a better social life in general. I come from a rich family and I should be more extroverted and not be a homebody. Hell, even forcing myself to just go out and walk the streets of this 3rd world mega city are better.
I’m the 2nd eldest of 8. I remember being woke up at night a lot, to make bottles and feed the baby/ babies. I cooked, cleaned and shopped. Both parents looked too much work from the 3 eldest. Later they divorced, the younger children were then treated like kids. The 3 eldest were very capable, and left ASAP, ( though I left 1st ). Then the younger ones had everything done for them and became codependant. My 1st child died, I spoilt my 2nd child way too much ( she was sick the 1st few years ). She wanted for nothing and I wanted to give her everything.. She has bled me dry financially and now does not want to know me. I wish I hadn’t been so generous or over protective. I actually don’t miss her now, but I do miss my granddaughter, she misses me too, and is in counselling as her Mother won’t allow us to even speak on the phone, after spending every weekend with me for 6 years. I was so neglected as a kid, I wanted my daughter to be so pampered. HUGE mistake on my part.
I laugh about it but I’m very grateful for my parents “free range” parenting attitude growing up. I really really hope Peterson does a book on parenting as I want to build the type of resilience in my kids that I see from my own childhood. I started delivering newspapers on my 13th birthday (and had it until the day I left for college at 18) whilst also having weekend jobs in supermarkets, building sites and selling chocolate brownies I baked at home in school. I never had the need (or desire) to ask my parents for money to do things and felt immense satisfaction that I had no financial limitations to do what I wanted in my teens. I now run my own recruitment team in London and cover clients in Asia and the US, but I know it sure beats getting up to deliver papers 365 days a year in rain, wind, sleet and snow.
Father of an almost two year old here, with another baby on the way. I’d say finding a balance between being overly-protective and outright negligent is the hardest challenge I face as a parent. Overall, though, giving the kid a chance to play on its own is a simple thing one can do. In the US many parents are micro-managing their kids’ lives and shuttling them from one activity to the next.
I am paralyzed in terror at the thought of my child enduring what I endured as a child. I asked mother in law how to deal with that she was very matter of fact. You can’t always protect your children, it could be a daycare teacher, a neighbour, a family member. You can do your best but in the end, all you can do is be there for them. Edit: My daughter is 4 months old. If anyone hurts her mummy’s going to jail for murder
I had a tough life, was with one parent who was too strict or with the other who didn’t care what I did…was abandoned and really had to learn on my own, it messed me up but at the same time I learned so much and now see how it was God’s perfect plan for my life, whatever anyone goes through is what they were meant to go through.
I was a mom at 23. I come from a large family and learned more from my parents and siblings than I ever learned in school. My kids are grown and successful. I was content to forgo other things so I could stay at home with my kids. I didn’t trust anyone would love them or teach them as well as I could. That’s what the Lord intended.
I haven’t watched the article yet but I just wanna talk about how my parents expect me now to be successful, outgoing, take risks and have an amazing personality when they were the ones that decided to raise me the way that they did. “No going out after dark, don’t talk with certain types of people, don’t trust anyone until they’ve proven they’re worthy, if you’ve got no important errands outside then stay home” And now they ask why am I so closed off, so futile, so unenthusiastic?? As if I was raised by an entirely different family smh
I couldn’t agree more, that’s why I left my 5 year old in the woods with a knife and copy of JP’s 12 rules for life. 1 year later he rode up to the house on a fox, a wolf-skin cloak about him, a hand hewn bow in his hand and hair on his chest and he said, “Papa, in the beginning it was hard, and I hated you, but my skin grew tough and my will grew strong and I realized you could’ve raised me like those sissy Millennials, but instead, through your mild, but positive negligence…I became… a man. Thank you.”
Great to hear this. I thought I was a terrible mum until I saw this. Firm with my girls, but they also have to learn the reality of life & it’s not all roses. I had them when I was 37 & late 38. Both were difficult pregnancies, I had seizures, heart problems & both emergency c-sections. I know they are still little, but doing some charity work with them (animal shelters) and we so often go through toys and clothes they do t use and they have to decide on those they will donate to kids that don’t have all they have. My sis is very protective over her kiddos, also both emergency c-sections. Probs why I feel less great a mum. But I am proud that I was able to travel from Aus to South Africa (36h) to visit family with a 3 1/2 and almost 2 year old on my own. This was a great article to watch. 🙏🙏
My parents were 21 when they had me. They were neglectful, but it was not useful! After their divorce I was 10 years old and left alone in my house for weeks. I started having dreams that my mom died and had to call her at work to make sure she was still alive. I had real abandonment issues, I had zero self-worth for most of my young adult life, which caused a lot of issues for me when trying to form relationships with others. I spent so many years alone and in pain. God, it would have been nice to be one of the “over protected.”
It took me almost 40 years to find myself. My mom was the controlling, overprotective mother, my sister left for the military and I was alone. I felt useless and feared for my life and I didn’t feel learned much of anything fun wise and never got the chance to find my own way til nowadays. I had a rough time dating, and now I got a relationship with someone who I’m happy with. My triggers started when I was a kid, not having a father growing up was a big issue for me. It was extremely difficult.
I would say I had a sheltered childhood. Yes, over-protected but very sheltered from the world too. My mentally ill narc mother loved to tell me people were bad and society was bad, but never actually explained why. Fear tactics. Her authoritative behaviour was for her own control, not to protect me or keep me safe. Before age 18: Rarely allowed internet in the home, not allowed a mobile phone, not allowed to hang out with friends or date, berated about where I was when the school bus was 15 minutes late dropping me off or any time I was 10+ minutes late home from school activities thinking I must be doing bad things. Grew up in a rural town with hardly any employment options or ways to advance yourself. I got the heck out at 19. Left a written note and went when she was at work. It was so scary but the best decision I ever made. I’ve spent most of my 20s catching up socially. I’m 28 now and over the last six months, I finally feel like “myself” and who I should have been at 18 provided I had a more independent and socialised upbringing. I actually have friends!
This is so true. I’m still under 18 and my parents are far too ‘kind’ to me. All my life they’ve spoiled me to the point where I can’t wash my own clothes or put on the dishwasher. I’ve lately realized this mistake and tried to fix it myself by bringing it up – that they should let me do more things myself (also tried taking more initiative). Yet, they continue to, more so my mother does. I’ve grown up to be weak and depended on others to make my decisions, hell, I barely know who I am anymore. I feel like I owe them, so in return I’ve done everything I thought they’d like to the point where I don’t know what I, myself, like. It’s really hard to get out of this shit, and while I’m eternally glad that I got them as parents, I do wish they could have let me face troubles myself. Now I can’t regulate my own emotions, and therefore has been struggling with SH for five years (I’m 16, and no, nobody knows). Parents who spoil their kids create weak kids. Please don’t be one of them.
My mum worked as a pub manager, it was a family run pub. From age 10 – 13 I helped by doing the washing up and emptying the drink waste buckets… From 13 – 16 if I wanted money my grandparents would make me do jobs like paint a room. I remember one winter they made me paint the entire garden face for 10 pounds. But when I took that 10er into tesco I bought as much as I could with it… mostly canned peaches because I loved those and made them last. Now I’m 31 years old, I’m remarkably good at budgeting money and reallocating it to cover costs. I work a full time job as a manager and have the confidence to outline my ambitions and intentions with my staff. All because of how I was raised with a earn it mindset.
My Entire life I was grown up soft and kind. Growing with corrupted people around me who physically abused me when I was young. I had learned over time that I had to fight for myself and protect my family. I’m Glad for experiencing fights when I was young because I learned the hard way by myself. One peice of advice for Boys/Men : Your duty is to provide and protect. You need to be able to fend for yourself and you loved ones otherwise you’ll become a victim to society and be misused
Yea i used to be upset abut being a child parent and having 17 siblings. Nearly everyday was a battle. However now as an adult, nothing phases me. I literally can fail miserably and ill go back to the drawing board and find a way. I had immigrant parents so they were tougher on me. I was independent since 9 and would be left to care for my siblings, nieces and nephews. I was responsible for signing myself up for programs at school, walked home after-school alone, took the city bus alone, graduated from university and now work from home making 6 figures. Im glad i wasn’t coddled.
I was the only child to my abusive father and my mute mother. I got out of the house as early as I could. I am super confident of surviving with or without resources. When I stepped out of my house, I started from nothing. I was happy because I was free. No one has been able to tie me down since I freed myself. It depends on how well a child thrives under challenging situations. I do know kids who went the other way when forced to grow up. There is no telling what the outcome would be. I would never do this my kids. Nor would I recommend this. It is like rolling a dice in my humble opinion 🙏🏾
Dr. Makes a lot of sense. I overprotected my son whom is the spittin’ image of my brother who died in a sledding accident, in my arms, when he was ten years old. I feared I would loose my son . His maturity is much delayed now as a grown up. I was advised to back off the protective approach but couldn’t stop myself. It was my own trauma and I never recovered from the incident,
I was too overprotected. At 16 years old my mum wouldn’t even let me sleep at a girls house. She would go crazy and call up the girls house constantly like an obsessed boyfriend. At 18 she still wanted me to come home by 9 or she would lock me out the house. You can just imagine what things were like before that. I hated my child hood. It’s definitely affected me as an adult, like I won’t do too risky things, always naturally go for the ‘safe’ option. I’m trying to change it.
This is tricky especially for us parents that didn’t have much when we were kids, especially on the emotional side from our parents. On one side we just want to know that we raise kids that have our full support and attention and care, and they feel loved. But one the other hands we know that independence in life and resilience is key. It’s so hard to chose and to draw the line.
Yup I find because of being overprotected, especially when I was kid, teenager and early 20’s, I’ve had a hard time dealing with hardship, adapting to life and being independent as well which was mentioned by other in the comments here. I find also it had a very negative effect in terms of creating problems that never really existed or were blown out of portion to what it was in reality. I think this overprotectivensss was due to when I was a child I had a hard time learning, etc and what teachers told my parents about me, they said I would never go to college or Univeristy yet I have a degrees from both but haven’t been able to get ahead in life still. At least I proved those teachers and school people wrong. My parents never overprotected my sister or brother though. Let them live and hardly ever gave them a hard time about anything. Unfortunately I feel like they should have been more protective of my little brother as he has now passed away at the age of 23 from being let to do whatever he wanted which partially led to his downfall and chaos. RIP Jamesy 😢
Seems like common sense to me. How about when your child has some special needs. It’s very difficult to know when to let go. My son is 18 and on the spectrum, I have difficulty in letting life beat him up. People on the spectrum can be targets for people to manipulate and use. As a parent i don’t know what my role should be in such a challenging situation. I wish the world wasn’t such an ugly place.
I had one piece of advice that works great with near adult “children”….. “U don’t like my rules …. get your own place. Go ahead there’s the door. Shall I help you pack? Seriously, you are welcome to go out into the big world and figure it out.” My fully independent adult millennial children who are happy parents…. All three. Successful…. I love bragging….. All day the same thing, “I love you mom. Thanks mom. I get it mom.”…. Lastly, my favorite, “Can I have some advice? How in the hell did u do it all mom. By the way, you are the absolute best grandma. Really, your fantastic.”. That is the end result of one attitude… “I think I’m a grown up and kids are kids and I am the boss.” The results are priceless.
I’m forever grateful for having the mindset and warrior spirit that I possess. As a child that was raised primarily as the only child, spoiled af, never given responsibility, given anything I wanted etc I still held an unrelenting resolve to improve, research, learn, embrace struggle, see the value in hardship and acknowledge it as training and conditioning for life, easily have the ability to deal with high stress etc and also serve as a light and source of guidance for my peers. Despite these qualities, I still lacked alot of masculine traits and what it took to thrive as a man in life, financially, with women, in social settings etc due to not having a father and being extremely overprotected. However, since my determination for self improvement was so strong, I made a conscious effort to gain what I lacked. I took up martial arts since I already had an extremely strong passion for it, I studied under mentors, read alot of books from powerful men, I started taking risks that I was uncomfortable with, started embracing failure understanding that I would benefit from the lessons thereby coming back stronger etc. After years of self development, I’ve become a completely different person and gained an incredible sense of self worth and strength in all circumstances seeing everything for the benefits over the perceived negatives. As of last month, I just stepped into my new apartment after being homeless for 6 years in a different state with no family. Even while homeless, I got my college degree, passed my internship with flying colors, earned my 3rd degree Black Belt, found a facility to train and teach in, have created multiple businesses and streams of income, been cast in some roles in film, stared in a commercial, been a part of The Bourne franchise etc all without 95% of people knowing I was homeless.