Golden Child Syndrome is a common phenomenon that can have a profound impact on individuals into their adulthood. It results from an unhealthy family dynamic where one child is shown special favoritism over another, leading to the internalization of the narcissistic parent’s values and belief system. The Golden Child is often raised to believe that their worth is higher than others, and may adopt toxic patterns of behavior.
Golden Child Syndrome is not a clinically recognized problem, but it can negatively affect a child’s life. Recognizing the impact of Golden Child trauma is the first step towards healing. EAKs can benefit greatly from seeking guidance from a therapist or counsellor who specializes in parental care. Golden children are often parentified, meaning they are required to step into a pseudo-adult role by their narcissistic parent.
The movie “The Golden Child” has satanic imagery, mystical theories about the world, and some violence, including martial arts. Parents need to be aware that the movie contains scatological language, but the sex and violence are mild. Murphy plays the hero, a professional searcher for lost children. The Golden Child may be overprotected by their parents, shielded from criticism or consequences, while siblings are held accountable.
The Golden Child may not have the affection they portray for the narcissist parent, but they will play the part because they know they are chosen as a proxy for the parent’s own achievements and magnificence. Understanding the complexities of Golden Child Syndrome is crucial for parents and educators to help their children break the cycle of Golden Child Syndrome and improve their lives.
| Article | Description | Site |
|---|---|---|
| The Golden Child Movie Review | Parents Need to Know. Parents need to know that The Golden Child has satanic imagery, mystical theories about the world, and some violence, … | commonsensemedia.org |
| Kid reviews for The Golden Child – Movie | However, this movie is not for kids. There is some violence and action, a dead body (off-screen) blood in a bowl and more along those lines. No F-words, … | commonsensemedia.org |
| Golden Child (TV Movie 1960) – Parents guide | Sex & Nudity · Violence & Gore · Profanity · Alcohol, Drugs & Smoking · Frightening & Intense Scenes. | imdb.com |
📹 When the golden child grows up
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
How Can Parents Help A Golden Child?
Maintaining open communication within families is essential, particularly regarding family dynamics and the roles of children, such as the Golden Child. Parents should openly discuss their relationships with all their children to address potential imbalances. Narcissistic parents often manipulate their children, creating pressure on the Golden Child to maintain a "perfect" family image. This leads to a troubled identity, as they may feel overwhelmed by expectations and responsibilities that are not age-appropriate.
Golden Child Syndrome arises in environments of favoritism and undue praise, impacting the child profoundly. It generates feelings of pressure to meet both parental and familial expectations while neglecting their own identity and desires. This dynamic can isolate the child, making them feel the need to compensate for siblings' perceived flaws. Healing from this syndrome involves recognizing and addressing trauma, establishing healthy boundaries, and prioritizing self-care.
It's crucial for families to understand these dynamics to promote healthier relationships and emotional support for all children. Parental mindfulness, fostering emotional intelligence, and encouraging family activities can mitigate the negative impacts of Golden Child Syndrome and help cultivate a balanced family environment.
Do Golden Children Follow Parents' Rules?
Golden Child Syndrome arises when a child is excessively favored by their parents, often resulting from the parents' desire for the child to succeed where they may have failed. This dynamic creates a situation where the golden child feels immense pressure to always excel and fulfill their parents' expectations, leading to a constant need for approval and a reluctance to express true feelings. Typically, a golden child adheres strictly to parental rules, even if they are perceived as unfair, and challenges to these rules are rare due to fear of losing parental affection.
Often, golden children are the offspring of narcissistic parents who manipulate their child's life to showcase their own perceived perfection. This can lead to high levels of competition, perfectionism, and emotional strain. The golden child's identity can become tangled in the notion of perfection, which contrasts sharply with the neglected or mistreated siblings, further complicating family dynamics.
The syndrome significantly impacts the child's self-esteem and personal development, leaving them feeling burdened by unrealistic expectations. As they navigate adulthood, individuals who have experienced golden child syndrome may struggle with identity issues and feelings of guilt if they recognize the dysfunction within their familial relationships. In summary, the golden child is often seen as the ideal child but grapples with profound emotional challenges rooted in their upbringing.
How Does Golden Child Syndrome Affect Families?
Golden Child Syndrome is a complex family dynamic where one child is excessively favored, leading to significant psychological effects not only on the favored child but also on siblings and the overall family structure. This favoritism creates a ripple effect that results in emotional imbalances, fostering resentment and rivalry among siblings. The favored child may grapple with issues such as perfectionism, low self-esteem, and a distorted perception of love as something that must be earned, which can hinder their relationships in adulthood.
The syndrome is often perpetuated by narcissistic parents who place unrealistic expectations on the golden child, making it challenging for them to develop a healthy sense of identity. These children may become emotionally unavailable or overly focused on maintaining a façade of perfection, neglecting genuine connection with family members and partners.
Therapeutic interventions and personal growth strategies can help address the unhealthy family dynamics that contribute to Golden Child Syndrome. By understanding and modifying these behavioral patterns, families can promote equality among siblings and foster healthier relationships overall. Recognizing the signs of this syndrome is crucial for healing and improving family dynamics.
Is Golden Child Syndrome A Toxic Result Of Narcissistic Parenting?
In conclusion, Golden Child Syndrome is a harmful outcome of narcissistic parenting, where one child is favored, leading to detrimental effects on siblings. Recovery from this syndrome requires time, patience, and a commitment to personal development. While it's a common belief that parents love their children equally, this is often not the case in narcissistic families. Here, a "Golden Child" is idealized, creating pressure to conform to the parent's expectations and limiting the child's exploration of their own identity.
The conditional love from narcissistic parents can manifest in mental health issues and relationship problems for the favored child. Those raised as golden children may develop narcissistic traits themselves, feeling entitled due to excessive praise. Discussions about golden children often include resentment and generalizations about their character. This toxic favoritism can create a hostile environment among siblings and affect family dynamics. The golden child may not be loved for their true selves, but for meeting the narcissist’s demands.
The psychological impact of such favoritism is profound, leading to emotional difficulties and complications in adult relationships. Ultimately, healing involves recognizing these patterns and the complex roles within a narcissistic family structure.
📹 The narcissist and the golden child (Narcissistic Family Roles)
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE …
This title caught my attention. My brother and I were scapegoat #1 and #2. As the oldest I was #1. Our sister who was 10 years younger than myself and 7 years younger than our brother. She was everybody’s golden child, she was the sweetest child. She was so intimidated by my mother and she tried to be very compliant. She was very aware of the wrath my brother and myself received and she was very loving and kind to us. At 6 years old she developed a malignant brain tumour which turned unto bone cancer. She died @ 8-1/2 years old. During an argument with my mother years later I was told, as far as she was concerned, the wrong daughter died. I’ve always wondered how her life would have played out. I have missed her all these years ….. I am 74 years old now.
My father destined me for an academic career when I was born. He wanted me to take over his research one day and he got huge piles of narc supply by praising his daughters intelligence. I felt flattered but also very inadequate and uncomfortable. When it turned out that I was not interested in an academic career I went from golden child to scapegoat within a minute.
My sister was the golden child and 60 years later still is. But she became a narcissist too. I was adopted and the scapegoat for everyone in the family. I have hand me down clothes and as you described my mother never showed up for any of my events and did her best to separate me from any friends. I’m now no contact with my whole family and finally happy to be rid of them all. No threats and manipulation or being humiliated whenever possible. Life is so much better without the narcissists.
My sister was a Golden Child, and my narcissistic mother succeeded in turning her into a narcissist. They are both nasty pieces of work that destroy the lives of others. They are not the only narcissists in the family. Narcissism begets narcissism. Children of narcissists take one of three paths: 1) they become narcissists themselves, 2) they become brainwashed by the narcissist and, thus, behave like a narcissist, or 3) they realize something is wrong in the family system and eventually identify the problem as narcissism and try to mitigate the damage and/or break the cycle.
I was the golden child, scapegoat and secret keeper. My parents switched the roles around with my siblings and I quite often. If I got good grades or excelled in an extra curricular, I was the golden child. If I stuck up for myself, I was the scapegoat and “disrespectful and snotty.” I also was the one the adults went to with secrets, and I played mediator for years. The biggest shift was after high school. My mental health tanked and I needed to heal to get better, but suddenly I was “lazy, a bum, worthless, irresponsible, etc.” Funny how the EXACT MOMENT the golden child stops pleasing the narcissist, the narcissist completely turns on them. It’s impossible to deal with after a while.
Scapegoat here. Had to go no contact with my family at 16, moved out, finished HS 2 years early with 3.85 GPA. I had planned this from about 8th grade after my father broke my back with ”Discipline”. I took applicable summer school classes that applied to HS, and finished up top in my class in a very small alternative K-12 school. My brother is still the Golden Child and I think he is very aware of this. My youngest brother was 7 or 8 when I moved out, and recently came back for a visit with his new wife. Her eyes got big as we were talking and she finally punched him in the arm, exclaiming ”She’s not anything like you told me!” Mmmmm vindication! Small but worthy!
This happens in classrooms too. Some children with good grades are treated as golden children by the teachers and they develop such unhealthy levels of confidence in themselves. A rude shock is often waiting for them after graduation, as the real world is very different and far more brutal than academic settings.
My late baby sister was the golden child. I believe she was on her way to the “gold standard”. I sensed a tremendous amount of growth in her just before her passing after having been through some personal trauma of her own. (A circumstance where someone treated her the opposite of special or prized in a toxic manner.) I will never forget when we had a conversation about our childhood in that household and her analogy of our triangulation described as a horse costume, with me as the tail. She said, “I didn’t realize back then that things weren’t fun for you. I simply thought of us being “in costume” together, not realizing you got the hot smelly half of the suit.” It made us both laugh, but showed me she’d finally developed some empathy: a gift my dad the narc could never give her. I will always be proud of her for that.
The price I payed for keeping the golden child status was way too high, my narc dad even threatened me with “demotion” multiple times (“I can just ask your brother to order items on his name for me, you know. I don’t have to talk to you!”) whenever I set boundaries. Now I am 6 months no contact and I am still the hard-working student I am, but I am getting good grades for myself. My successes are mine – and my failures as well. It’s so relieving.
I was the Golden Child, but only when I was obedient and kept my mouth shut. I felt huge amounts of guilt and shame because I saw the other members of my family being bullied by my narcissistic father and I wasn’t able to protect them. This has haunted me for decades. I have been able to let go of the feeling of responsibility – I was only a child and quite powerless – but I still feel a deep sadness and I see how my sisters have been affected in their lives. I have been no contact with my dad for over 10 years now.
My little brother was/is the golden child. I never understood why my parents paid for everything for him but nothing for me and my sister. He never had to work, they bought him a car, gave him a credit card in their name, paid for his full college experience, sports, expensive clothes, and anything else he wanted. My sister and I had to pay for our own clothes, work, pay for our own college, and everything else we needed. It always creeped me out how we had the same parents, grew up in the same house, with the same people, but had totally different experiences and opportunities. It was like we were from completely different families but it was the same family. Just part of the mind twisting narcissistic people thrive on I guess. Thank you for this very validating article!
Thanks for explaining how the Golden Child also suffers. My scapegoated sister thought I was the winner and she was the loser. But there are no “winners” in a narcissist family dynamic. Only a bunch of innocent people crippled by the narcissist. The most ridiculous part is even the narcissist doesn’t “win.” Even after causing all the turmoil to get narcissistic supply, they remain troubled and unfulfilled until death. Their souls are like black holes.
I was the golden child and it was a special kind of hell growing up and even now. The guilt, the shame, the knowledge that I didn’t deserve special treatment are HEAVY. My siblings hated me growing up and I adored all of them. I felt like all the responsibility and all the blame for the family mood was always mine to carry. It was almost constant torture. I spent most of my teen years hiding dangerous suicidal thoughts and intensely deep depression.
My sister was the golden child, but she always knew and always protected me as I was the scapegoat. She grew up to be her own strong, successful human and left on and of her own agency. RIP I’m here picking up the pieces my father left us with, her hatred for him was palpable and rightfully so. She and I grew up very close, my father wanted to destroy our relationship so badly. It’s disgusting, so much anger towards him for all he did to us.
I was a Golden Child with tremendous guilt for my siblings’ treatment even while growing up. After years of therapy, I’ve repaired my relationship with my brothers, but not my narcissist father. I hate looking back on my childhood and seeing the unearned favoritism compared to my scapegoat brother, it’s an extremely upsetting history to carry (for all of us). Therapy, therapy, therapy saved my life and my sanity, and gave me back my sense of self.
It’s really difficult to break the cognitive dissonance when you are/were the golden child. I went no contact three years ago and I still have doubts about my narcissistic mother, about her disorder. I still feel guilty for going no contact. I still feel responsible for her now she’s old and she’s alone. I still cannot see clearly she didn’t love me. We were really closed and I feel as if I had betrayed her. My sister (the scapegoat) is happy without her, she’s free now while I cannot spend a day without thinking about mum. I have to rebuild all my story because it was a big lie although I feel it really true. I love my mother and I never felt she didn’t love me, let alone she abused me. People think that if you were the golden child you are lucky, but it’s totally the opposite. You cannot see what is obvious for everybody. You feel totally alone and if you are a highly sensitive person, this experience becomes a tremendous challenge in your life. I hope to overcome it someday.
My sister is the celebrated golden child. She took the title and ran with it. She was extremely abusive as a child and completely indifferent and neglectful to me as an adult. She is also guilt ridden, immature, and has a weird fantasy that we are somehow close and share an intimate relationship as adults. It was baffling to me until I started perusal Dr. Ramani’s show. She is a narc through and through and her family is an extension of the chaos she feels inside. I wish it were different of course. This status has been so damaging for both of us. Damn the narcissist parent that started it all.
I was the invisible child until when in my teens and I was excelling in my studies and sports then I became the golden child. However, any ‘mistake’ or ‘failure’ would cause my father so much rage and I would be switched to the scapegoat for causing the bad mood in the family. Then my siblings would project their anger and hate towards me for having this status. I lived in constant anxiety for trying to maintain the GC status, the guilt of it and the isolation it caused with siblings. It doesn’t matter which role you are in a narcissistic family. Everyone loses and are affected very negatively by it.
My brother was the golden child, and has strong covert narcissistic traits. He’s now in his late 50s and is a marriage and family therapist. His entitlement, triangulation of my sister, and manipulating ways ended our relationship. Been a tough situation for me, but I’m feeling more relief knowing that I don’t need to deal with him anymore. The golden child role didn’t help him at all. I’m thankful that I was the forgotten child.
I was the scapegoat. My brother – the golden child. I also became my brother’s scapegoat as he learned the behaviour from my narc mother. He now as a 50 year old man, is a true narc himself and there is no guilt or shame that lives in his world. The hell I went through in my life I would never wish on anyone.
I’m surprised you haven’t seen our golden child glowing from space. My half-sister defined by her mother and my father the enabler. She’s the worst of the three narcissists siblings -never wanting for anything and make it extravagant. And, you are out of line for bringing notice She’s only had one boyfriend that lasted two weeks,she’s 40. This is a bad case, she has no guilt I’m the scapegoat and have gone no contact for 5 years. Never been so free. I never will have to see her again. I’m Happy, it’s good to shed the leeches of life. Thanks Dr Ramani
I was the golden child in my family system… it was hard to see my siblings suffer… I carry a lot of quilt because of that… and being the golden child made me an easy victim in adulthood for narcissistic abuse. Because my inner child always wants to please narcissistic people …now I’m in therapy and I’m in an healthy loving relationship with a loving and caring man. Things get better.
I used to be the golden child before my narcissistic mother discarded me (after she found out I had “flaws”, like a broken produce in a grocery store). Now I’m in the journey of my recovery after finally realizing the toxicity of my own family. And you are right, I never wanted to be the golden child. And one thing I always remember, I was the golden child not because she loved me, but because she could use me as her narcissistic supply. I also suffered as much as the other siblings.
I have become his caregiver, his emotional support, his legacy everything, when I saved my mom from their relationship and she finally was able to escape I stayed behind because I felt bad for my dad, he soon gave me all of my moms roles in the house, I was shopping for groceries cleaning the house, doing laundry and cooking for a retired man at the age of 19, I shouldn’t have had pity on him, I still catch myself eating my dinners and not liking them realizing that I only ever cooked what his favorites were.
I was the golden child. I have so much guilt and I never asked for this title or to be treated the way I was growing up. It was traumatic witnessing the difference of treatment with my brother who was the scapegoat. I feel isolated from my siblings and growing up I felt very lonely and sad. I was the golden child because I was the Obedient child. I had no voice and did well in school. I mirrored my mother and often was the parent to my parents. They sucked the life out of me and I can say as an adult I have gained my life back and I know so much of my family dynamics that it has helped save my life. Thank you dr. Ramani for all that you do and sharing your knowledge. You are an angel and I am so grateful for you.
I am the golden daughter to my narcissistic mother. I am the youngest, but I harbored so much guilt once I learned how much my mother’s blatant favoritism hurt my eldest sister. Adulthood hasn’t been perfect, but once I finally cut my mother off, life started to make sense again. My sister and I have a relationship I wouldn’t trade for anything. I hate that I got more attention and care than she, but she thankfully never held it against me. That goes to show the maturity and empathy we both have within us. Your words hit home hard. Everything you said was accurate, and I feel seen more than I have in a while.
I have so much guilt for my brother’s treatment, I was the golden child growing up, he was the scapegoat, I moved to a different country and now I hardly have any contact, therapy has helped but shaking off these feelings of disgust, guilt and shame have been hard. I feel numb sometimes, I have a hard time when people raise their voice, I feel anxious and very nervous. I have self doubt and a sadness that won’t go away.
My son is/was the golden child, my daughter the scapegoat. At 16 he stopped visiting with his dad because of how he was treating his sister. He called him out, got the narcissistic rage and has gone no contact since. Him and his sister are unbelievably close and he helps her in anyway he can, as does she him.
I am about to turn 50 and am just now fully waking up to the narcissistic family dynamic I grew up in, as I was so carefully groomed and brainwashed by my narc mother into the golden child role. The guilt and self-loathing that I’ve been feeling since understanding has been overwhelming. I have begun the healing process. It’s so difficult to have to see your entire life from a different standpoint now. However, I’m thankful to be going through this, no matter how painful…it was high time!
Golden child here. Enjoyed the special attention, praise, and validation I got as a kid. Started getting uncomfortable and disgusted as my sense of individuality started developing as a teenager and I noticed the obvious preferential treatment. Then, as an adult, when I really became my own person and expressed differences, was faced with rage and violence. No contact as of now, and I feel freer, more clear-headed, and independent than ever. I can be myself without being scared and can actually relax in my own home. My scapegoat sibling is independent as well, keeping minimal contact with the parent in question, but unlike me feels guilt and shame at not being there for the parent 🙁
I was the golden child and my narcissistic parent poured all her expectation and time into me as I was obedient and too scared not to meet her expectations. The expectations on me to perform was immense and caused huge amount of anxiety for me. Seeing how conditional my parents love was especially with regards to my brother who was the scapegoat, caused me so much trauma and guilt. Also seeing how aggressive my narcissistic parent was towards my brother was traumatic especially since I could not do anything about it as I was the youngest and did not really understand why she treated my brother so badly. I was punished if I did not perform according to my narcissist parents expectations. I had so much pressure placed on me in terms of academics, sport etc.
I am the golden child in my family. I have gone through terrible anxiety and depression through my college years. I always knew something was wrong in me and my family but I never knew what it was. I needed the awareness at the time but I didn’t have it. Now, I have just started ny healing journey and hoping I can pay forward 🙂 Thanks for making this article Dr. Ramani. You are incredible! Massive respect
My parents were super tricksters in assigning family roles: I was the first born and golden child in early childhood, then it was my little brother, all while my sweet little sister was the invisible child. Fast forward to adulthood: I left home and quickly became the scapegoat for abandoning the narcissistic family system. Little brother became the invisible child and little sister is now the golden child. I would love to see a article about how these roles can be switched around to the demise of all.
I was the golden child who became the scape goat as an adult. Between age 18 and 28 I did a lot of awakening and boundary making. And in the end I was alienated from my whole family of origin except for my sister. I have my own family now, five kids 9 to 19 and a spouse who supports and grounds me. I tell my inner child I’m sorry for what happened. And I work a lot on being good to myself and finding my own inner sovereignty. Blessings
I recognize I am the golden child of my family. I have really struggled with that realization for a long time. I resonate a lot with the guilt you described and wanting to make it up to my sister (invisible child turned scapegoat). I have been working incredibly hard for the last 5 years or so on healing the damaged parts of me and being honest about my qualities. For instance I’m not and never was “mature for my age” in fact I was emotionally stunted and coped through codependence and people pleasing effectively losing my own identity out of necessity to survive my family. The “skills” I learned in childhood handicapped me emotionally as an adult. After years of therapy I feel more at peace with my past, and I am focused more on living for myself with healthy boundaries with others. I am so happy to say my sister and I are closer than ever in our adulthood, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m just glad I was able to figure all this out by 25. I’m always a work in progress, but I feel for those who don’t realize these patterns until they are well into their life.
As a life-long, scapegoated, blacksheep, I gotta acknowledge something else I love about you, Dr. Ramani, that I just realized. The way you speak to us in your articles, is so down to earth. Loving, respectful, and chocked full of “REAL” reality. You tell it as it is with no fluff or embellishments. The work stands on its own without glory-seeking. That to me, Doctor Ramani, makes you a true badd ass. Thanks for being a big part of my solutions. Listening to/watching one of your articles most often soothe me just moments after an altercation with one of the two disordered family members I share a home with. God bless you, Doc.☺🙏💜👍
My experience as the golden child was quite traumatic and I have spent many years in therapy breaking a very dark cycle and finding out who I really am outside of my father’s wishes. He wanted me to be an artist and took it as a betrayal when I decided to study psychology in my 30s. I always felt guilty about the way he treated my siblings and I tried to make it up to them as an adult, but the jealousy and all the trauma we share made it quite difficult. Funny enough, my brother, now in is 40s, has become the new golden child and he is being manipulated in many toxic ways, but being seen by his father now, after all these years, is such a relief that he can’t see how much of a pawn he is becoming. I feel helpless and really sad. I still want him in my life, but my father keeps him so close, it has become impossible. I find the light in my line of work, because when someone talks about a narcissistic pattern, I believe every word and take it seriously, there no convincing me that evil exists. I know.
Golden child’s to me seem to live in denial or are delusional. They never suffered consequences for their actions as children and why should they have to when they grow up. Cheaters, liars, stealers, manipulaters, gas lighters, alcoholics, gambling addicts and drugs. The most selfish people and when you confront them about their actions they flip into rage and call you paranoid and delusional. The golden child is impossible to have an adult conversation or deal with even the slightest problem maturely. They can be extremely scary people.
My daughter is reaching the golden standard of the golden child! My Ex-husband was an absolute horrific narcissist and my daughter was a golden child and my son was a scapegoat! My daughter is now thriving in college in therapy and realizing what trauma she went through with a narcissistic father and realizes the effects it had on her brother as the scapegoat. She is healing and progressing beautifully and she has a magnificent spirit! I owe all her strength and perseverance to be better to God! Dr. Ramani thanks for these articles they’ve helped me understand more and become stronger in my healing process!
Oh my god, I’m 52 years old and when I saw this article the tears started to flow. Really, for the first time in my life I understood that it is not my fault that I could not save my twin brother from my evil mother. I’ve always been ashamed that I didn’t get to do more, I should have been able to because she was kind to me. Homework and school were particularly bad. I was better at school, learned faster and I enjoyed learning.. of course he hated it… Every single day he was told how stupid he was compared to me. For me, it was my fault that he was bullied. And I’ve always thought that I must never say this to anyone, then everyone will hate me, no one lets their brother down like that. Now I understand that there are more people who have experienced the same thing. My brother has struggled all his life, I have stood up for him whenever I could. But he had problems with alcohol and drugs in adulthood. When I helped him with money, I saw that he was in pain, that I gave him help meant for him that mother was right. He needed me but hated me at the same time. In 2018, he committed suicide. I remember, at the funeral, the coffin was going to be lowered, not a single tear from mother. I folded my hands tightly, and quietly whispered a prayer, please father-give that lady a heartattack now so she can join him today. And be his servant for eternity. He didn’t listen, she’s still alive. Hope I meet brother again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hater, I’ve spent my life in children’s sports and children’s red cross.
I was my family’s scape goat but also my mom’s golden child. My sister was my dad’s golden child. Once I started to pull away from my mom I became her scapegoat too. And btw I mean I was the golden child because I became her mini-me, but any time I thought differently it would be hell. **TRIGGER WARNING***( Verbal Abuse)** She would even say things like: “Why did God punish me with a kid like you?” “What did I do to deserve this punishment? (Be my mother)” and the one that spins in my head like a record is “Go kill yourself”. There ain’t real gold in there.
I was the golden child, but at some point in my teens I recognized how awful my mother was, stayed quiet and when I graduated college left the house. My mom then began to massively disrespect my wife and I’ve cut her out of my life. My sister keeps her around because my nephews have already met their grandmother, but I have no intention of ever letting my mother meet my children. I can deal with the “blunt” and “thick-skinned” attitude, but I’m not going to let my mom disrespect my wife, over and over and over again.
I was the “golden child” relating 100% to feeling the shame and distancing myself from my narc dad. As an adult, I was finally able to re-establish a relationship with my 2 sisters…..and we have had SO many conversations about this. It broke my heart to see how my sisters were treated, so I ran away so I didn’t have to witness it. It was so sad. I definitely became the generational “curse breaker.”
I am an only child but I can relate to being the golden child up until about late middle school. I’m not sure if this is accurate or even something that can happen, I’ve always noticed in my life that my mother treated me like a blessing and like I was her little doll up until I started building more of my personality. I’m realizing by listening to this, that I wanted my mother to see my other skills in the same way the empathetic golden child would want their parents to see the other siblings. My mother would disregard any skill or interest I showed that wasn’t what she thought was “best” for me. She never really supported many aspects in my life. And in a way I think that was her shunning the part of me that wasn’t her golden child. Before I cut her out I felt a lot of her treating me as a scapegoat while also praising me. I’m not sure if it’s a combination of her seeing me as her little golden child and understanding that I changed and became the “source” of her “family”.
Never underestimate the damage done by everyday stress over a long period. It will act as slow poison. We never understand how these everyday stress affect us until we are destroyed. Still, you can regain your happiness in life by self healing. Take rest and self care for compensating the damage done to us. 🙂
I was the golden child. I worked hard to protect others in the house and to do tasks to keep my narcissistic mother calm. When I married and had my own children my mother was enraged at this selfishness. I became the scapegoat. My mother lead a constant smear campaign turning almost everyone against me. I did learn empathy thru all this devastation and studied parenting so I could take care of my own family.
I feel that a lot of the GC’s experience has been left out of this article. For example: I became a people pleaser, and for much of my life always put others on a pedestal — I have never felt “good enough”. My self-esteem has been in the toilet for decades. Depression and Social Anxiety have been immensely difficult. Thankfully, with your help, the help of others, Pete Walker’s books, therapy, etc, I finally figured out what has been happening all of these years and feel that I’m in a better place. But I’ll probably need therapy for the rest of my life as a result of the emotional abuse. One of the most challenging aspects, is I absolutely do not want to turn out like my Nparent. Emasculation has been an issue, among other things. There are many reasons for a GC to harbor feelings of resentment at both the primary Nparent and the enabler. The GC hardly has it easy. It is all quite difficult.
I’m very thankful you highlighted the endless ties – not only emotional but also material, and financial. I was the golden child for my father and a scapegoat for my mother and both of these roles combined seriously messed me up. I apologized to my brother for being treated differently than him and felt guilty for it. However, I feel when the roles have turned he relishes feeling in any way or form ‘better’ than me and actively contributes to having me as a scapegoat whenever possible, which is very painful. I was trying to break free from my father financially but he kept me involved working constantly in his businesses even when I was having a full-time job, independent from him. The stakes and pay were getting higher every time I wanted to gain independence. This month is the first when I have literally given up on an apartment from him, the job I had in his company, and even the mobile phone, just to be able to be free and actually start to live MY life even if this will mean serious struggles at the begging. So, thank you, this aspect is very important and has not been brought up in other articles I’ve seen. Of course, there are also things like constant enormous pressure, difficulties establishing any sense of self plus – in my case – a lot of people talking behind my back and to my face about privilege while having no idea how difficult and paradoxically depriving of my true self-worth it actually was.
Excellent insight. I was the golden child growing up and constantly tried to tell my mom that she had two other kids as well. Didn’t go over at all. And she’d take offense and punnish me for my comments. The guilt I felt was overwhelming growing up and both siblings resent me to this day. I’m very emphatic and sensitive and still to this day try to make ammends and establish healthier relationships. It’s a tough role to be put in by a narcissistic parent
I had a narcissist mother. My father died young. My golden child status was really because I looked like my dad and I had no difficulties in school whereas my two brothers both had difficulties. But the true golden child was my sister. At one point mom wanted to leave all property to me. I told her to divide it up evenly or donate it all to charity. When I set down boundaries with my mother is when I stopped being a golden child and became a scapegoat. My sister still carries our mother’s anger/revenge by disowning all her siblings. Sister inherited everything and uses this as validation of her golden child status. Amazing.
Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani! It has taken 78 years, but to finally make sense of an incomprehensible life is a lifesaving and transforming experience. I am finally learning to just…breathe. My MUCH older siblings believed i was the family mascot and golden child. They had no idea. At least i was mothered somewhat by my oldest sister and so i survived. They are all of them gone now. I forgive them all; most of all i finally accept and have compassion for the child i was and the adult i became.
As the golden child, I took initiative to get more things done. I saw my narcissist mother, bully both my sisters, the scape goat and the invisible for being too sensitive. The minute I got out of line, her rage was like something out of a horror movie. As I was pinned to the floor, she then kicked me out, and I was forced to depend on my boyfriend who would have been my husband if my mother did not interfere with our engagement to marriage.
I was labelled the “Golden child”. My Mom would peg me infront of my siblings saying, “why Can’t you be more like Judy!!” She set me up to them. NO compassion and empathy from my siblings. I was dis regulated, because of the abuse I endured from them. I get gaslighted by them, sworn at, and chasitized. I never asked to be the baby, the only blonde in the family, who was teased and abused by her siblings. perusal them physically fight & physical abuse me and eachother. I’m estranged from them all for a reason. I’m that woman Doc. I’m healing and truth telling now. My sibs put me on a proverbial pedestal to only knock me down. I never asked for that. I am better off and striving for love & peace !!!
I was a golden child.. I hated it once realizing it what was going. The amount of guilt experienced, the emotional baggage I carried, and catching myself following the wrong behavior. To this day, I’m very cautious and avoid favoritism in any form. This experience as a golden child feels like a curse, instead of a advantage.
My brother was the golden child, while I was the truthteller/scapegoat. He ended up marrying a very toxic narcissistic woman, while I efficiently pushed away all narcissists trying to court me. So I am in a better place now because I know any narc cannot be remedied or tolerated – they should be eliminated from the environment for others to be able to breathe, live, have joy and achievements.
I was my dad’s Golden child. But he passed when I was nine years old. After that, I became my mother’s scapegoat. My brother was the golden child until about 3 years ago, when he took his equally narc wife’s side against our mother. I’m still the scapegoat, though. My sister shifts between golden and invisible, depending on whether she challenges our mothers opinion that day or not.
I was the scapegoat and my brother was the golden child. Even though I have a better degree, did better in school, he was preferred because he was a boy. He’s now a mini real estate mogul and still a jerk while I’m trying to live an honest, authentic life and come out from underneath the abuse and painted as the loser in the family.
My brother was the golden child who was on the razor edge verge (at 40) of becoming a full blown narcissist like our mother. The thing that saved him was having everything he had worked for in his career come toppling down overnight. It was the best thing that ever happened to him because through that drastically affected his ego. He’s now much better.
Thank you for this article, Doctor Ramani. I was looking for someone who tells us about the difficulties of a golden child. I never really enjoyed the roll of a golden child. I was sometimes treated good because I was so useful for my mother and also made her proud. Sometimes I was like a punching ball for her stress. I was good at school but as I got older I realized that my achievements caused my siblings pain(“learn from your sister!”) Later my mother realized this may have been wrong and started to take side with my siblings to criticize my ” golden child” character traits. (“People like you, who was always No. 1, you guys don’t understand ….”) I finally understand that she loves whoever is most useful for her and caters to her needs at the moment.
I think it’s interesting that Dr. Ramani mentions how the narcissistic parent rarely “shows up” to events. When I was a child, I asked my father to stop showing up to my events because he made himself the focal point. His behavior made me feel uncomfortable as a kid who didn’t like attention drawn to me… after that he started showing up to my events with even more grandiosity. It was even worse when other kids would tell me how awesome my dad was, when in actuality in the privacy of our home he ignored me for days at a time– often MIA.
My older sister, my moms GC totally took the advantage and ran with it on into our adulthood. I think when I was fully independent and showed i didn’t want anything to do with either of them that’s when she tried to forge a relationship and by that time I was and am so done. I feel sorry for her, but I think she’s a bit of a narcissist so I don’t feel too bad. Like you said before, when I’m around her I’m quickly looking for the door no matter how positive the interaction is. She co conspired with my mother to invalidate me well into my adulthood, and I just can’t trust that type of person. She smeared my name before I got to high school. People would tell me bad things she said about me! Lol my own sister. She tried to triangulate, and when it was time for college she got a full scholarship so I wanted to go to the school she went to for support, and she made it very clear she did not want me to go to school with her. My little brother on the other hand is my dad’s GC, and he rejects the role vehemently. His awareness at such a young age impresses me so much, and even though we aren’t close I’m so proud of him. He got all the support and set up to succeed, but he isn’t arrogant about that.
I was the golden child growing up and it was neither fun nor easy. To be singled out over my siblings was embarrassing and made me feel guilty, but it actually brought me closer to my siblings bc I wanted them to know I didn’t want or like the attention. And when I very rarely “stepped out of line,” the rage my mother exhibited was shocking. Guilt and shame are not the only side effects of being the golden child. Perfectionism is too. As I have grown into an adult and dared to not be an unwilling extension of my mother, I have become the scapegoat and her rage is now constant and harder for her to hide. Anyone who thinks the golden child had it easy is mistaken. This is a heavy cross to carry, just like the other roles. And once you stop being perfect and golden, you are discarded just like everyone else.
Damn this hit home. I was raised by two parents with narcistic traits. I was the golden child for my father because I have a high IQ and did well at school and my sister was my mom’s golden child. I however, didn’t want the praise. My sister did. My sister stayed the golden child until my moms death. When I was the one who moved back home to take care of her when she was sick. I have no desire in contact with any of my family members as narcissism runs in the family. I didn’t emancipate because I didn’t want to hurt my grandma, who was an amazing person but she is now dead and I am now looking with a lawyer to formally and legally sever ties with my entire family.
I’m hoping that one day you would do a article on the children in a broken narcissistic family where the family structure continually changes. I have been the invisible child, the scapegoat, and the golden child depending on when and if my sibling were under the same roof or living elsewhere. Our roles continually fluctuated.
I realise now that I was my mom’s golden child. She’s a successful academic who is also physically beautiful, and she saw beauty and academic achievement as indicators of worth. I always did better in school than my sister, and I didn’t have a weight problem. I’m also more extroverted. My mom definitely saw me as more cut out for success in both romance/marriage and career prospects. This is hard to admit, as I don’t think I’m better than my sister. She and I are different. She’s the practical one, which is just as valuable. Being the golden child isn’t always fun, especially when it’s an unstable alcoholic who favours you. It was a rather high-pressure situation, and despite being in an arguably better position than my sister, I still developed and eating disorder and an anxiety disorder.
I was the golden child for years and my sister the scapegoat. I developed cptsd and ocd from a very young age. My sister not. Still struggling today. I believe the golden child gets the most pressure because we have to fit ourselves in our narcissistic parents needs in order to be loved and the thing is that you never meet their expectations. All my life I ended up in narcissistic abusive relationships, that caused me chronic fatigue amongst other problems. I returned at my home and I am supporting financially my sister but its a hell to be honest!!!
My brother was the golden child and he revealed his diagnosis of narcissism to me two months ago. Makes sense. He’s a smart guy, though. He started seeing a therapist to help him seem more empathetic because he noticed that he was losing valuable career/romantic connections because of his lack of empathy. I’m grateful that I now know what information I can trust him with. He’s been secretly triangulating our family for ages. He doesn’t understand that people vent to each other to relieve frustration and confusion, not to disown a family member.
Wow. This one touched me to the core and was extremely validating as an empathetic, Golden Child. You helped me see that I actually have had a fairly healthy view of the guilt and blame my siblings try to impose to this day, and you have expunged that little remaining guilt by validating that it HAS been a heavy burden. If and when my siblings wake to Narcissistic Abuse, I am here to support them; and with your amazing help! Thank You
I was the golden child and only woke up in my early 40ties when I suddenly realised my father is a narcissist! I broke down at work when working with narcissistic managers and coworkers, suddenly realising a life long pattern of empathic behaviour in myself with zero boundaries. I was dropped as a golden child on and off throughout the years when I decided to take a different career path then my father wanted for me. My sister was not loved seen or heard and I feel awful for it. We didn’t grow up together as she was a stepsister and married when I was only 11. I absolutely love my sister more then anything in the world and I apologised to her for not realising the hurt she went through. The shutters are from my eyes and I grieve the father That never was. He was my hero that never existed. I have a baby now and work as a life coach to help others in toxic work environments. My parents never call or contact me. My sister is my rock and the godmother of our child. But I still feel extremely hurt. Your articles are tremendously helpful, thank you so much🙏🏻❤️
Thank you Dr. Ramani for this a lot of people make the golden child sound evil and spoiled but that was not my experience I may have been spoiled but I am definitely an HSP. I always felt guilty when my mom would treat me differently from my siblings which results in them not liking me as an adult. I spent my early days trying to kiss up to them or make them see that it wasn’t my fault but now I am in therapy and I realize that I cannot force my siblings to believe me. My mom would switch roles because I was never a good or consistent golden child if I would take up for my sister my mom would make me the scapegoat and vice versa. It was really sad and sick – she still does it to this day. Being the golden child was very isolating, and made me feel guilty all the time. I always had to apologize to my siblings – until one day I matured and realized I cant keep apologizing to my siblings for something my mother did. If they want to hate me that is fine because they will have to answer to God about that. It was hard for me to gain independence – it still is because my mom tried to keep me under her thumb all the time. It was easier for my other siblings gain independence. Honestly, atp I am just proud of myself that I did not become a narcissist, I am in therapy, I am making changes in my life, and I am getting closer to independence everyday.
Tks for this article. I was the GC, and now as an adult I feel very lost, I can’t even say which adult you described I’ve become. I’ve been struggling because I could recently keep some distance from my NM, but she keeps complaining, showing disappointment and saying how we’re alike. I feel her projection so deeply that I think I never got a chance TO BE. People around me keep saying I should try harder to be closer to her and feel her love. it’s been so hard and scary but also a beautiful journey to understand I am a person and I can BE. Tks again for the website and the article.
Thank you Dr Ramani for breaking down the constant feeling of guilt I have had for every success i have got and it even felt like i have stolen somebody’s luck or …. I have been the golden child – my sister the scapegoat I have always felt like I owe her We have somehow managed to be close As an adult being the golden child – made it hard to appreciate good milestones avoiding attention, appreciation and mediocre
I don’t even know my role-scapegoat or invisible. I just felt I was not enough, I always assumed it was because I was the a girl. Being the only girl, it is Ironic that I felt like I was invincible and only recognised when I was doing chores or having achieved something. No wonder I depleted myself for attention 🤦🏽♀️
Fortunately, I’m the percentage of golden children who is the “gold standard” and I’m able to set healthy boundaries with my narcissistic abuser. It’s a lot of weight to bear, and I know I will have everything needed to be there for my brothers when the narcissist passes. Feels bittersweet but I would take this life over ignorance.
This is exactly what happens with golden child guilt, shame, anxiety, confusion. From a golden child perspective, I feel like I was being engineered by my narcissistic parent to be narcissistic. I dont know what happened, fortunately I could see the abuse and then I was cast aside. I cant thankyou enough for saying it so clearly and making me feel seen. I really hope that I to get on path of recovery and balance my self esteem and my guilt.
I am new to Dr Ramani articles and have been reading other resources online on narcissistic parents. And I understood pretty early I was the golder child. perusal this article I hoped to find me in it somewhere and started to doubt myself by the middle of it. Started thinking probably I am not the GC. But the end which has lots of then and maybe I found myself. For the first time not overwhelmed with guilt and shame of being a GC. Though it’s still difficult to handle all the relationship with nparent and enabler parent and scapegoat sibling. Many times I am doubting myself if I am doing right thing. And feeling of being lost is more potent because you are supposed to be the child who has it all but silently you are paying for it.
I started out as the golden child and as I started seeing and saying the truth, I quickly began to fall from grace. I found the frequent demeaning vocal disappointment of my narc parents oddly satisfying and over time began to work at doing just what caused them to write me off even more. They wanted a slim sociable child and I became overweight and began to socially isolate myself. However, I was also athletic and was a straight “A” student because they didn’t value those things. I mainly did it so I could get scholarships and wouldn’t have to ask my parents for ANY financial help, and could leave as quickly as I could. Of course, my parents missed no opportunity to throw my athletic and scholastic successes in my siblings faces, in order to make them into flying monkeys years later. Tellingly enough, my parents never went to a single game and didn’t go to my graduation even though I was valedictorian. In a rare moment of stupidity I asked my mother her opinion of which school I should choose out of several that offered full scholarships, and she looked at me with soul-less eyes and said “I really don’t give a s..t what you do”… Believe the narc when they tell you who they are. I picked the school that was farthest away, and rarely ever saw my parents again.
I was blessed by my mother to have been raised to be empathetic to others and share their views until she passed away. Since then I’ve been the golden child for my father (covert narcissist) and I’m beginning to understand what to watch out for. I’ve been tied to a financial power dynamic ever since but now I have an opportunity to change this dynamic. Thank you for your book “Should I Stay or Should I go?” and your many articles on the topic!
I was raised to serve my older sister, my father’s golden child. I ended up continually throughout life being expected to self sacrifice in order to help her and our father live increasingly luxurious lives. They are both obsessed with money and have both stolen just about anything of value of mine. I was tasked with caregiving for our traumatized mother and expected to be our narcissitic father’s caregiver while my sister was off on literally five months of vacationing a year, year after year. Thank you so much for making and sharing these articles, I can’t begin to articulate how much they help me heal.
I wasn’t the golden child but two of my 4-siblings are. Because of the 9-year age difference between the two, by the time my sister was born she assumed the GC role as well too. She was raised in the house after all of we elder siblings had moved out. They are both amazing kind, empathetic and ethical people. They got the toxic dynamic and always saw the narcissist with eyes wide open. Kind of amazing — and is a testament to the amazing parenting of our non-narcissist parent.
I believe I was one of 2 golden children in a family of five children, it made me very uncomfortable. I have struggled most of my adult life and took care of my mother until her passing. I have also been in counseling various times through my adult life and steadily for the last four years. Things, messages, beliefs, and family life that we lived are finally starting to get sorted out in my mind. I relate to what you said about guilt and shame. This is the first time I feel like I have determined my place in the family system I grew up in. I never thought the golden child fit completely, because I tried so hard to make sure my siblings were valued, and would seek help; and every time I hear the description of a golden child it is highly narcissistic. I have had some behaviors that would be considered narcissistic and I am trying to understand where they come from and how to do better, which from my understanding would not be the actions of a true narcissist. Thank you for providing even more clarity to my journey of healing. My healing has been a bumpy road and the light provided in this article is appreciated deeply.
I was the golden child. My sister and I were very close in age. I never bought into this “golden” role. Sadly, my sister died young due to the abuse that she suffered. She passed away 12 years ago and I still think about her every day and to this day I cry with anger and frustration whenever I think about how badly she was treated and the adults who knew and did nothing.
This was my childhood. I am/was the “golden child,” and I do pay it forward to my younger siblings. I hear my siblings and always make sure to listen to their perspectives; I told them I believe them and validate them. I feel like I’ve been pitted against my family members my entire childhood. It was horrendous and difficult, even bringing me to the brink of suicide on more than one occasion.
I always find something that resonates in these articles; this one is no exception. as the golden child, i was also subject to the harshest standards and verbal abuse when i frequently did not measure up, and as an adult i was the one to be guilted by the parent if i ever sought to break free, and by the sibling who saw my life as charmed. it’s taken years to sort it all out. when my mom unexpectedly and suddenly died this year, it all fell into place (since i had started to watch these articles and going to therapy) and i saw the manipulation for what it was. now i feel a combination of relief, and guilt for feeling relieved. as executor and sole benificiary (of course) it’s my job to make sure my sibling gets her fair share, and end the cycle. at least i can try.
I was the golden child growing up.. that only lasted as long as my compliance did; the minute I started speaking up, was the minute our relationship changed. Standing up for myself, led every discussion into a fight or defensiveness. I have so much trauma to work through. When the one person that was always your biggest cheerleader turns on you; that safety net around you falls.. it’s been a real struggle the minute I started speaking up; things began shifting for us – our relationship became really toxic.
The showing up for performances really resonated with me. Since I am not the golden child in my family this extends to my son. My mother would never attend his performances in the theater but would travel across the country to see performances by my brother’s children. My mother lived 20 minutes away from us.
My husband was raised the golden child of his family. I’ve always thought of his father as a narcissist, but after listening to this I feel like his mom was too. His only sibling, his sister has always been treated like a child who wasn’t smart enough to do anything for herself, make decisions, raise her kids, live on her own even. I’ve always felt bad for her because I’ve seen it since day one. I’m only now realizing what this has truly done to not only his relationship with his sister, but his relationship with myself and even our children. It makes me so sad and I feel so powerless. I’m trying to educate myself on the matter.
My older brother is the Golden Child, he often tried to include me, protect me from my mom, support me, but then I would often have to pay him back with favors like washing his football uniform, cleaning his room ect.. When he left for college my mom had a stronger, new evil against me. I barely graduated high school, got pregnant, and married the first guy to say I love you to me. And yes who is a narcissist, which took me years, and years to realize. Now I’m trying to muster up the guts to leave.
I was the golden child, didn’t know it until I was 22. Even to this day, there’s still things that I’m realizing and learning about my childhood. And I’m trying hard to fight off the guilt I feel about it, especially when I see my 2 older brothers who been through HELL with her. Here I was thinking of my mom as this great mother with just a bit of mental health issues. But as I’ve learned she really wasn’t that, she’s a broken mother, with unchecked schizophrenia and narcissism. And Dr. Ramani was spot on, I felt ridiculously gross for a while about her being my mother but I’ve learned to accept what is. And let go. 26 almost 27 years old now, and I’m in a much better and stronger headspace than I’ve ever been. And as of today, i haven’t spoken to my mother in 10 years. Honestly don’t plan to.
I used to be the golden child in our toxic family system and when, in adulthood, I refused to be my parent’s extension, I became sort of an invisible child. I have always felt really guilty because my sister has been scapegoated her whole life and when I rebelled against that multiple times, nothing has changed. If I never was born, her life could have been possibly much better. Both of us happen to have very similar debilitating mental illnesses but my sister hates me and has tremendously disrespected me since ever. There’s no one in our family for me nor my sister. Maybe some of You people in the comments could stop generalizing? Thank You <3