Family therapy is a form of group psychotherapy that focuses on improving interfamilial relationships and behaviors. It is an ideal counseling approach that seeks to reduce distress and conflict by improving the systems of interactions between family members. Family therapy helps identify long-standing patterns, dynamics, and roles that have stopped working, and can help families resolve conflicts and improve communication.
Family therapy is not always combative but can also build moments of joy. It is not uncommon for families to come in for one reason and discover other issues that need to be addressed. Shared family activities and traditions can provide significant benefits for children growing up.
There is no set timeframe for family therapy, as initial sessions are spent getting acquainted and building. Online apps use various methods, and psychotherapy formats include individual, couple, family, or group sessions. The ideal number of sessions varies based on the unique dynamics and needs of each family, but a common range is around 12 to 20 sessions.
Family therapy allows both individuals and the counselor to see firsthand the systems of distress and what solutions may work with the family. It aims to change the patterns of interaction between family members and is a time-limited intervention that targets family problems. Some of the benefits of family therapy include saving time and money compared to traditional litigation, reducing stress and conflict for all parties involved, and promoting healthy relationships within the family unit.
| Article | Description | Site |
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| Is It Time for Family Therapy? | The process of family therapy is based on how to get the family members to understand the root causes of their issues. In the beginning, the … | talked.com.au |
| If you are no or low-contact with your family, how does … | I’m curious about how different therapists approach situations where an adult has little or no contact with their living parents? | reddit.com |
| When is Family Psychotherapy Needed? | Unfortunately, not all families are happy, stable and healthy all the time. With society in such a rush now a days, it can leave parents and … | psychologicalaffiliates.com |
📹 4 STAGES OF LEAVING TOXIC FAMILY BEHIND Psychotherapy Crash Course
Family connection is beautiful when it is pure, equal, and based on the principles of respect. This idea of family is what keeps most …
How Long Does Family Therapy Take?
Family therapy is generally not long-term, typically averaging about 12 sessions. The exact number of sessions and meeting frequency depend on the specific issues being addressed. Referrals from primary care doctors can help individuals find therapists. Family therapy often starts when a family member exhibits a concerning behavior or problem. Initial sessions focus on information gathering and goal setting, where therapists observe family interactions and gather individual perspectives.
Individual therapy sessions last about 30-60 minutes, while couple/family sessions usually range from 45-60 minutes, with some families requiring longer sessions depending on their size. For families learning to set boundaries with teenagers, therapy may need four to six sessions; however, if deeper behavioral or emotional issues are present, it can extend longer.
Family therapy can be tailored to meet various mental health needs and family dynamics. Therapy may be short-term, addressing immediate issues, or long-term, focusing on complex mental health conditions. Families can expect a commitment of at least six to nine months with weekly sessions being beneficial for consistency. Overall, the length and frequency of family therapy are personalized, potentially varying from a few meetings to several years of treatment.
Is Family Therapy Right For You?
Family therapy is a valuable resource for families struggling with communication, conflict resolution, or behavioral challenges among children. Once defined by blood or marital ties, "family" now encompasses various close relationships that form a vital part of our lives. This form of psychotherapy aims to enhance mental health and functioning within family units, helping members build stronger relationships and improve interaction. Family therapy is particularly beneficial for issues affecting multiple family members and overall family dynamics.
Although it doesn’t always solve problems, it equips families with skills to navigate tough situations constructively. Importantly, family therapy cannot address deeply personal issues without the involvement of the affected individual. It helps identify roadblocks that hinder a family's healthy functioning and promotes understanding among members. Seeking therapy can be a proactive step toward healing and growth, reinforcing healthy boundaries essential for harmonious relationships.
Families benefit from therapists who guide them through difficult conversations, fostering improved communication and conflict resolution. However, family therapy may not be effective in cases where there is a lack of commitment, or serious issues such as abuse exist. Understanding the types of family therapy and finding the right therapist is crucial for successful outcomes.
What Is The Duration Of Treatment In Psychotherapy?
Psychotherapy can be categorized into short-term (weeks to months) and long-term (months to years) based on the immediacy and complexity of mental health issues. The therapist and patient collaboratively determine the treatment goals, duration, and frequency. Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that approximately half of patients start feeling better after 15-20 sessions, with some short-term therapies achieving results in just 12-16 sessions. However, more complex issues may necessitate longer treatment spans, often ranging from 12-18 months.
The specific length of therapy varies greatly among individuals, depending on the severity and nature of their psychological challenges. While traditional psychotherapy sessions typically last 45-50 minutes, group therapy may extend from 90 to 120 minutes given multiple participants. The decision on therapy duration can be complex and influenced by treatment type and individual conditions. Some patients may require ongoing support for chronic issues.
Ultimately, the optimal duration of psychotherapy is unclear, with factors such as the individual's needs and the type of therapy involved playing significant roles. Therapists are equipped to help patients understand the expected journey and duration, customizing the approach to their unique requirements. The effectiveness of treatment can indeed manifest in a range of sessions, emphasizing the personalized nature of psychotherapy.
How Often Should Family Therapy Be Done?
La frecuencia y la cantidad de sesiones de terapia familiar varían según las circunstancias únicas de cada familia. La terapia puede involucrar solo unas pocas sesiones o extenderse por varios meses. Puede haber reuniones con miembros de la familia de manera individual y en grupo. La terapia familiar es una forma de psicoterapia grupal que se centra en mejorar las relaciones y comportamientos dentro de la familia, generalmente consistiendo en alrededor de 12 sesiones.
Aunque la mayoría asume que asistir una vez por semana es suficiente, un enfoque más personalizado puede requerir una frecuencia diferente dependiendo de los objetivos y la situación personal. Algunos programas intensivos incluyen hasta tres sesiones por semana, con una combinación de terapia individual, familiar y entrenamiento en habilidades. La terapia familiar trata problemas de conflicto o de salud mental, y puede ser útil para aprender más sobre condiciones que afectan las relaciones familiares.
La duración y el número de sesiones dependen de la dinámica familiar y la gravedad de los problemas, oscilando generalmente entre 12 y 20 sesiones. En resumen, la terapia familiar es un enfoque que puede adaptarse a las necesidades específicas de cada familia y tiene la capacidad de ayudar a resolver conflictos y mejorar la comunicación.
When Should You Stop Psychotherapy?
Patients often consider ending psychotherapy for three main reasons: 1) when treatment feels ineffective, 2) when there are "red flags" indicating that the therapist may no longer be a suitable match, and 3) when they have achieved their initial goals. However, it's essential to differentiate between wanting to leave prematurely and genuinely completing therapy. Signs you may be ending therapy too soon include a desire to quit after a session that brought up challenging emotions.
Properly concluding therapy occurs when therapy goals are met; for instance, if you entered therapy to overcome a fear of dogs and have succeeded, your work is done. While clients usually decide when to stop, therapists may also end sessions under certain circumstances. A healthy therapeutic alliance is crucial for effective therapy, and ending therapy may involve a transition phase for the patient. Key indicators for considering a departure from therapy include reaching a plateau, evolving needs, or a shift in the therapist-client relationship.
There's no definitive timeline for therapy, but recognizing when it no longer feels necessary is vital. If you find yourself reverting to old patterns or struggling again, it's perfectly reasonable to seek therapy anew, as it can serve as a valuable resource during tough times.
How Long Should A Family Therapy Session Be?
Therapy sessions, typically lasting 50 minutes and held weekly, may seem brief for addressing complex issues, particularly in family contexts. Family therapy sessions generally range from 45 minutes to 1. 5 hours, taking place every two to three weeks, and the duration can extend to more than a year depending on the family's needs. Individual therapy averages between 30 to 60 minutes, while couples or family therapy often lasts 45 to 60 minutes, with larger families requiring more time. Group therapy sessions usually span 60 to 90 minutes.
Effective therapy demands preparation; clients should come equipped with topics to discuss, as this time can feel limited. The average session length in the U. S. hovers around 45 to 55 minutes but varies based on the therapeutic approach and client engagement. Family therapy often encompasses a commitment of about six to nine months, with 12 to 20 sessions suggested to ensure meaningful engagement and positive outcomes.
Consistency in attending sessions is crucial for resolving longstanding issues, and the therapist may adapt session lengths to cater to the family's unique dynamics. Ultimately, understanding the duration and structure of therapy sessions helps families navigate their challenges more effectively.
Is Psychotherapy Permanent?
Psychotherapy can be categorized as short-term, addressing immediate concerns through a few sessions, or long-term, which may last months or years for more complex mental health issues. The duration of therapy is determined collaboratively between the therapist and the client, with goals and meeting frequency discussed. Therapies like psychoanalysis typically require more time. Ongoing therapy is acceptable if both parties share the same goals. Termination of psychotherapy should be handled thoughtfully to ensure patient well-being and encourage personal growth.
Unplanned endings can leave patient needs unaddressed. Psychotherapy, commonly known as talk therapy, is designed to address psychological disorders and emotional challenges through dialogue in a supportive environment. As stated by experts, various treatment methods aim to help individuals alter unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. The American Psychological Association notes that psychotherapy can vary in length, from a few weeks for short-term problems to potentially lifelong for chronic conditions.
Although some therapies may seem lengthy, individuals should choose effective treatments based on their needs. Ultimately, therapy should conclude when symptoms lessen, though some may require longer support based on their specific circumstances, such as treatment resistance or enduring damage.
What Is The Time Frame For Psychotherapy?
Recent research indicates that around 15 to 20 therapy sessions are typically needed for 50% of patients to experience recovery based on self-reported symptoms. There are various psychological treatments lasting between 12 to 16 sessions that have shown clinically significant results. Individual therapy sessions generally last 45-50 minutes. Time limits in therapy can create pressure and expectancy effects, which may have both positive and negative implications.
While these limits help structure the therapy, they may also leave clients feeling controlled or misunderstood, reinforcing unhelpful patterns. The therapeutic frame, which includes factors such as time and setting, is crucial in psychotherapy. Many therapists use frameworks expanding beyond brief therapy, offering flexibility tailored to individual needs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) usually requires about 12-20 sessions, and therapies like Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT) often consist of 16 sessions with potential extensions based on complexity.
The American Psychiatric Association notes that psychotherapy can vary significantly in duration—from a few weeks to a lifetime, often starting with weekly sessions. Clients should work with their therapists to determine the most suitable treatment plan, as therapy length ultimately depends on the severity of symptoms and progress made throughout the process.
How Long Do People Stay In Psychotherapy?
Therapy duration varies widely and depends on individual needs, goals, and the type of therapy pursued. There is no standard timeframe; sessions can last from a few weeks to several years. Most individuals enter therapy seeking emotional balance and relief from mental health issues. While some clients may recover in as few as 15 to 20 sessions, often cited by the American Psychological Association (APA), others may require longer commitments for complex concerns like severe mental illnesses or past traumas. Generally, those seeking short-term therapy focus on specific issues, while long-term therapy addresses deeper, ongoing challenges.
For many, a commitment of 3 to 6 months may suffice for noticeable improvements, although longer durations of 6 months to 1 year are also common. The average therapy session lasts about 45 to 50 minutes, and the most frequent number of sessions attended is less than ten. Although therapy has a starting point and may include defined goals, there is no absolute endpoint; it often concludes when clients feel equipped to manage their mental health independently. Ultimately, the length of therapy depends on achieving personal objectives, the therapist-client relationship, and the persistence of symptoms requiring intervention.
Is Family Therapy Effective?
Family therapy can be ineffective for individuals who are not open with their therapist, lack commitment to positive changes, or refuse to engage in the treatment process. However, research indicates its effectiveness for families facing various challenges. Family therapy emphasizes relationship improvement among family members and can address specific mental health or behavioral issues. It is particularly beneficial for families dealing with stress, anger, grief, or adolescent substance use. Typically short-term, family therapy focuses on resolving conflicts, enhancing communication, and addressing specific goals.
Mothers and sons, for instance, can find it beneficial for improving their relationship dynamics. Studies validate family-focused interventions as effective treatments for mental health challenges, showing promising outcomes in improving family functioning and adolescent symptoms. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) reports high client satisfaction, with many clients expressing that they received effective help.
Family therapy, also known as systemic therapy, adopts a holistic approach to resolve issues through relational healing. It fosters valuable communication among family members and equips therapists with strategies to navigate complex family dynamics. While challenges may arise during therapy, the rewards of improved family interactions and understanding can significantly outweigh the difficulties involved.
What Are The 4 Stages Of Psychotherapy?
The therapeutic relationship typically has a defined beginning and end, progressing through four stages: Commitment, Process, Change, and Termination. In stage four, the focus is on consolidating gains and equipping clients with strategies for maintaining progress after therapy. This stage encourages reflection on the therapeutic journey and acknowledgment of personal growth. Various therapeutic modalities such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and psychodynamic therapy are commonly utilized.
The therapy unfolds through distinct phases, each with specific tasks that need to be completed before moving on. The main phases include relationship building, emotional exploration, skills development, and integration, enhancing self-discovery and healing. Privacy, comfort, and cost-effectiveness are additional benefits of online therapy. Clients experience phases such as orientation, identification, exploration, and resolution as they progress.
While the stages can overlap, each has unique tasks necessary for therapeutic success. Understanding these phases assists therapists and clients in navigating the process effectively while ensuring a structured approach to therapy.
What Are The 5 Stages Of Family Therapy?
Family therapy is a transformative journey structured into five key stages designed to improve familial relationships and promote healing. The stages include:
- Engagement and Rapport Building: This foundational stage focuses on establishing trust and a working relationship between the therapist and the family.
- Assessment and Understanding: Therapists evaluate family dynamics and issues to gain insights into underlying problems.
- Restructuring and Communication Enhancement: Here, strategies are developed to improve communication and reframe each member’s role in contributing to the problem-solving process.
- Resolution and Healing: Families work towards resolving conflicts, fostering understanding, and healing emotional wounds.
- Integration and Maintenance: Finally, the stage involves reinforcing the changes made during therapy and ensuring long-term maintenance of healthy dynamics.
Family therapy varies in duration and approach, with some problems requiring brief intervention while others may necessitate ongoing sessions. Ultimately, the structured framework guides families toward improved functioning and emotional well-being, whether through short-term or long-term therapy. This five-stage model is a crucial aspect of evidence-based family therapies that facilitate growth and resolution.
📹 9 Signs You’re In A TOXIC FAMILY SITUATION Psychotherapy Crash Course
No one wants to separate from or abandon their family or roots. Having to separate from your family is certainly separating from …
Having been mistreated in so many disrespectful ways by “family”, I have come to realize that (blood relation) does not make you family, and it doesn’t feel bad to cut those toxic human begins from my life. You have to let them wallow in their own misery and the best way to make them upset; is to find true happiness.
I had to make a choice between staying with the family that I never felt safe and comfortable with, and nothing ever felt genuine. How is felt so depressed when I was around them and I picked up all the negativity, but I didn’t understand that it was toxic until recently and then I had to let go. It was either them and me staying with them or choosing myself it’s painful either way, but in the long run choosing myself is the only option I ever thought I had.
Went no contact 2 years ago this august! It’s still hard. I come from a family of narcissist, borderlines, sociopaths. I’ve done a lot of work on myself. Worked with multiple therapist until it became too expensive. Still healing from my narcissist ex of five years and healing from leaving my family. And yeah it’s not alot of content on family estrangement 2:27, that is accurate or helpful. I moved from my hometown (Philadelphia) to Vegas, then Idaho, now in California. Just trying to get my mind right and figure out how to live in this new reality.
I estranged myself from my family almost 20 years ago. It was a tough decision but the right decision. Over the past few years, I allowed for some minimal contact with my family but I have reached the decision that it was a mistake. Over the years, I moved beyond the drama and deceitfulness but they hadn’t.
I walked away in my early 20s im now 38 and i remember not having any support except for 2 friends. And not actually having any resources. But I knew it had to be done. I find that in relation to contact. The no contact – is in my opinion the best route. The bread crumb conversations – in my opinion, was not worth it. Ive just blocked everyone.
Thanks Tamara u are the only one finally brining this situation to light🌞 In my case, my family is not verbally or physically abusive, its just a hurtful emotionally absent & Mom & family who were truly never there for me. I had to learn & do everything myself as I was gaslighted & pushed away when I had “problems & strong emotions”. Its about them, their kids get all the emotional, physical & financial support. I moved out of state 15 yrs ago & no one visits, lazy texting & short phone convos. Very hurtful. I get very angry & want nothing to do w them. On the outside, they are very open, caring & living yet something is missing. I cant go to them w major life issues w support. They dont show up or help me financially. So…GOOD BYE!! Not going to any of their funerals also. Sad but Its a hope/heartbreak cycle every time I attempt to reconnect.
I enjoy your articles. I am at the point of where I am completely no contact. The hostility from my mom & entitled sibling became too much. They tag team with the insults and bullying. They’ve done this for decades. The level of toxicity is too intense. I know I didn’t cause this behavior. I noticed they both need constant attention and praise. They do not get attention much or praise. They chose to neglect their appearance and goals. I have been no contact for a year. I ignored the hoover and feel great because I am free of the cruel things they did and said.
Wow yesterday I made a list of the stages of grief and what i felt in Each stage. You hit the nail on the head. I am estranged with no contact 2 years now only barely talk to 3 family members total. Estrangment is hard and i recently have finally co.e out of the depressed stage into acceptance. I still have sad days but I recover quickly because I know my why for leaving and that was for peace, stability, and autonomy. I choose to move to a completely new state that I had always wanted to live where I knew absolutely nobody at all. Its been a blessing, hard but I do not regret it at all. I now have yhe peace, autonomy and stabilty I needed and I am working on greater goals. ❤
I have a situation where my toxic family is caring for my mom who has Alzheimers. I could get social services involved but the problem is my family acts completely normal and social services probably won’t see the issue. I feel like my hands are tied until something bad happens. I can’t go there because of how toxic and psychologically manipulative it is but I’m fairly confident my mom is not in a situation where they have her best interest at heart. All I can say is narcissism is the worst of the mental disorders. I’d rather deal with a schizophrenic or bipolar person any day over a narcissist. I’m just grateful that at least most of the time my mom doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s a mess. And it’s very isolating to be the only one who can really see it.
I finally walked away from my siblings and my father. They are always pushing me down, looking down to me and even made me homeless my dad on my birthday this year and my younger sibling who was going to help me get out of homeless after one $1000 dollar check she wanted me to move on gaslighting me about everything including how I can find $400 apartments if I wanted to. I’m so sick of everyone, I’m moving out of the country
I watched this article a month ago and it resonated with me. Today is a Wednesday and I’m perusal it again, because Friday I’m driving 5 hours to attend, on Saturday, the big Dog and Pony Show of my mother’s birthday party. I decided that rather than totally freeze my siblings out of my life now and forever more (which is what I needed to do a year ago) I am not going to let them keep me away from family things I ought to do– and this will potentially be my mother’s last birthday– she is in failing health and 95. It will mean a lot to her to see all of her kids in the same place again. I feel like puking, just thinking about it. And then I tell myself “It’s a 5 hour trip to see my daughter and grandkids, and I will have to spend a couple of hours at an ‘open house’ at mother’s nursing home. Hopefully there will be enough people that are not related to me that I don’t have to try to speak to Them That Done Me Wrong. SInce it is an “open house” rather than a dinner, if I tap out after 15 minutes.. I tap out. I will not be obligated to sit acress the huge meeting room holding everyone’s babies so they can eat their meal childfree– that was my last Thanksgiving up there. No one talked to me except to pass their babies to me.. and by the time they were done with dessert. the meal was over. Nothing left for me to even eat. My siblings are all still married, going on to 40-50 year anniversaries.. and I have been widowed twice and am alone now. I am invisible in my own family. I just need to keep the self-talk up.
Walking away to get something isn’t always bad. I was a disabled dependent and my parents were sabotaging my access to Healthcare to keep me dependent and under their control. I left after they killed my dog in a rage fit and now basically extort them for money to live on while I’m getting myself to where I can support myself. I had to look up articles from Sam Vaknin on how to manipulate narcissists and psychopaths in order to get through this.
Left for college same year I graduated high school when my financial aid told me I’d have to move across the country for it to be close to free as possible with all my scholarships I didn’t even hesitate leaving behind my toxic family was truly happy for the first in ages only reason I had to comeback was cause of covid when colleges shutdown and they held it over my head the entire time when we all thought covid was going to be a 2week thing then to a month then 3 months constantly telling me to stay but also more or less saying that I am a burden on them also it wasn’t a year until my campus finally opened but by then I had already moved out after 4 to 5 months into covid which a process in itself they kept trying to keep me from leaving and I would fall for it just to for them to tell me I need to find another place to leave until this went on as my funds got lower and more hurdles got in my way until I Finally rolled the dice and went for it realizing I’d rather be homeless for a month or sleep in a tent in a friend’s backyard than live here anymore and when I did I never asked any help of any kind nor did they ever offer doing it all on my own I realized I am much happier on my own and from that period until I officially cut off ties with them I only conversed with them to pay bills or pick up mail on a few occasions the final nail in the coffin was when my grandmother passed away her being the only person I truly cared for other than my father which is another can of worms but since then the amount of peace I’ve had from that decision it sucks at times accepting I have no family other than close friends who I’ve known my entire life but when I get the updates about my family from my cousins or someone who I am still cool with it just reinforces my decision the irony in it all is after treating me like garbage for years the endless amount of little suble things they would do not including the blatant obvious things they would do they have the audacity wonder why I am the way I am how cut off contact with them Long Story Short if you have a Toxic family my advice as a stranger on the internet is to roll the dice and move on leave them behind start to really reflect on the history of your family and realize your family was broken long before you came around I’ll give an example in my family I am the oldest and only male of my cousins so my aunts and uncles including my dad the generation before me every one of them as soon as they hit 18 all left for extended periods keep in mind the range of ages from my uncles/aunts goes as old as 50 to as young as 27 so when I the next person in my family to turn 18 and leave ASAP once I realized that I wasn’t surprised nor did I feel any type of guilt for leaving for college far away from my family it all made sense.
I decided today to walk away and I am so happy I found your website. I am 37. My family ruined my life and my children’s lives in many ways. I really mean it when I say there was SA a lot, there were lies and just things we were not allowed to talk about. I cannot even start with how bad it is. I am going to write a novel. Thank you for your words and helping me realize I need to walk away. I was today years old when I found out non of this stuff was right. I should not have been hiding things to save them.
After the two older sibs had raped me for years and the other beat me and was verbally cruel, and my parents were still wanting me to “play” happy family and expected me to be present at family functions. It became such an anxiety that caused me to throw up stomach acid the day before that one day my husband said “when you’re having uncontrollable stress that’s resulting in involuntarily throwing up in addition to other involuntarily negative reactions, something has to change.” Knowing that I can only change ME, I knew that I needed to stop doing what I was doing – things where their children were going to be present, that my “parents” expected me to attend, etc. I made the decision that for the sake of my physical and mental health….I had to walk away from my entire bio family. It still stings and I have times that I feel SO alone and abandoned by what I was taught to believe were to protect me. It’s not fun or easy. But to not feel like I’m to fulfill my “parents” desire – “Why can’t you just get along?” is true freedom. At this point, I have no expectation or even hope that they will be able to see the damage done to me as a child, by THEIR son’s – on their watch. They didn’t protect me from their own children. It’s not an easy choice as we ALL want the love and support from our parents. But I’ve FINALLY stopped going to an empty well and expecting to draw water. They won’t/can’t change; but I get to be an adult and choose my health over their “disappointment” that I refuse to entertain the presence of a child rapist and a pedophile.
No one enjoys becoming isolated from others including estrangement – we all learned that during the Pandemic. It’s a choice we don’t make easily. It’s not just about having freedom and not liking bring treated like a child. It’s sometimes 💯 necessary to maintain peace of mind and eliminate abuse and severe toxicity in their lives. It’s not about the toxic family member(s). It’s about us and FINALLY caring for ourselves and doing what is best for ME – the one person I have neglected my entire life. No More. The irony is that the toxic family make it all about them and how offended/confused/upset/disappointed they are 🙄
My father reminds me of denzal washington from the movie FENCE. Im 34 yrs old and everytime the guy comes back to the fanily home. I feel fear, anxiety and numb up, like so depressed, sad. Its due to the years of abuse. He is my father What was i suppose to do? Yell at him? I tell my mother. If this guy wasnt my father i would have done some harm. But deep down i love the guy. I know he is a broken man himself.
I was the glue that held the family together, being the youngest of us 4 siblings spread all across the US. Mom was still alive then – they were all more than happy to pretend that they were too far away. I was the only one to show any real concern for her. I finally tired of not having any financial contribution from them. At the time I made that No Contact decision I was OD-ing on SUGAR & wine. I was pre-diabetic and my blood pressure was rising. I realized that I needed to pay attention to my weakening health concerns. New Year was arriving soon; I decided enough was enough. At that time I did not realize that my brother and one sister were Narcissists. How old was I? OLD, yet the youngest of everyone. Shortly there after it was suddenly obvious to me that they had SCAPEGOATED me. I did not know what scapegoating was! I think it was then that, already trying to figure out my dysfunctional family, I took a very deep dive and slowly all the 100s of pieces began to take form. I Googled many unfamiliar terms for further research. Going NO CONTACT is vitally important, yet admittedly easier when there was mostly phone contact, not living nearby. Going no contact only allows breathing space to focus on one’s own health, etc. There is still TONS of emotional work to explore – hopefu;;y with a TRAUMA Therapist. What can I say…life is not always fair. Stay Strong, people – or GET STRONG. We only have one life. Take care of yourselves, please.
I am an old woman now. I was always the odd one out..My 2 older sisters are very close in age so Mom waited a long time to have me bc Dad wanted a son. And then I wasn’t a boy, so she waited 3 more years and behold! a son! I was kind of lost in the shuffle. There were The Big Girls as a unit.. then me.. then The Golden Son! I had a hugely traumatic, unmentionable, event my Sophomore year in college, which was compounded the next year by stalking. Then one day the best looking man I’d ever seen walked into my lab and.. it was the blind date someone had set for me. He was amazing. I dropped out of college and married him, escaped my stalker by moving to a different city. We found out we could transfer husband’s job to a small town and buy the farm we’d already decided we would retire to right now, so we did that. Dropping out of college was unacceptable, and moving much further from home to a rural community with no job opportunities for me was unacceptable. It was tough financially, but we made it work bc I kept a big garden, canned and ffroze everything I grew, and kept chickens for eggs and raised hogs for the freezer each year. We lived in a 3 room shack for several years, saving money to build a house on this farm. We heated with wood he cut from our farm. Sometimes I was stuck at home without a vehicle, way out in the country with my eventual 3 babies, alone with them, bc we only had one vehicle running and he had to go to work for 3-4 days. My family thought I’d lost my mind.
Thanks Tamara for the article! How does one overcome guilt when it comes to family estrangement. I seem to try to justify that my situation by saying that it’s not as bad as what some other folks experienced however everytime i think about family or have to visit I end up with a stomach upsetness or migraine.
I’ve been away and disconnected from family since I was about 21. I’ll be 42 here soon. My mother mistreated me for years. She made it clear she never wanted the baby she had with her best friend’s husband. I truly believe when a mother doesn’t want a child everyone will mistreat the child. That’s what happened to me. I’ve been in and out of therapy for years. It’s lonely, it’s sad and heartbreaking. But it’s been best for me. I’ve tried to have relationships only to see the patterns continue. No one reaches out for me and I don’t reach for them at all anymore.
I’ve been estranged from my family for nearly 8 years. I’m the product of a neglectful family who never cared or showed any love to me. Recently, I’ve come across a great amount of wealth and I have this urge to send my neglectful m0m (who never cared about me) for capital to help with retirement. I’m 35, my m0m is 70. What would YOU (Tam) do in this situation? Send funds or just stay separated and continue to have your peace?
Ended up having flashbacks of my own incest after my niece messed with my daughter and I went to CPS and my family didn’t believe me. I confronted my father who did not deny it and said he was molested by a neighbor when he was 10. I went no contact 16 years ago but tried to go back to contact 3 times in the last 5 years with my mother but I ended up feeling depressed and it affects my job. I just told her I have to go no contact. I keep getting triggered so bad. Thanks for this article. I needed it. I gotta take care of myself
I’m dealing with that right now with my siblings. My older sister thinks everyone is jealousy of her and she has power of attorney over my mother. I been working with my mom for 4 years and I feel like I’m trapped and I can get out. I feel bad when I deciding to discontinue working with my mom. I ready to walk away in September to work for security company.
I was told when I was 30 years old to “divorce ” my family. I didn’t because I’m the oldest child and it was my job in the family to keep it together. Of course, i couldn’t. At 60 years old I finally found the strength to go no contact for the 3rd time in my life and i wish i could have done it 30 years ago. Love doesn’t hurt! When it does, it’s not love.
I grew up in a Muslim household where I didn’t really had the same beliefs as theirs. Recently I was threatened that if i didn’t do this specific thing my dad will abuse me or kill me. I took it seriously because as a child I was constantly mentally and physically abused by my dad. Now I’m 22 willing to leave my parents and start my own life but I’m not sure if I will be safe. I’m just saving up and then I’m gonna leave all of this behind
Wow, this has sounded like my family .. my older sister got married ( other things went in that led to all of this )and had 2 girls that were 18 months to 2.5 years old left for 10 years .. no contact but with my oldest brother .. at the age of 8, I had these girls in my bedroom .. and if there were problems in the middle of the night, I had to wake my mom to do her part .. after school was out for the summer, I had almost full responsibility in their lives as, of course, mom and dad were working from 9am to 5, so this became a routine and the girl thought we were their brothers and sister as they didn’t understand what happened in their life .. their father ended up an drunk and my sister had other problems .. my mom didn’t want to raise them and put it on us kids,..more so me .. she even reached out to my aunt and uncle to see if they could help …. then the older I got, I met a man that was 5 years older than me, and we started to connect .. he was the one who pulled me away and introduced me to the estrangement he was the father of my first girl ( even though I didn’t know what that meant back then). The manipulation back then was crazy .. Now that I have 2 girls of my own, they’re being estranged .. they’re both married, one is 42 and 49 .. I only hear from them on birthdays, and sometimes late Christmas and other holidays are crazy as their husband’s side is more important to them, plus friends are more important than I.. they don’t think they are doing anything wrong .